Presence Over Perfection | The Path to Real Joy

Welcome empowered empaths to The Power of Healing Your Energy Show. This show is all about your unconditional love, your light, your intuition, your soul's purpose. And depression and anxiety are a side effect of not living intuitively, not trusting your gut, the lost connections with your higher self and others. Your soul's purpose is here. Hello everyone and welcome to episode 18. Come on in, share with your friends, share away. Sharing is caring. Thank you for joining us, and of course this episode is all about judgment. To curiosity, how to shift your energy to empower a creative mindset. And you know I'm all about creativity, and you know I'm all about unconditional love and healing and all of that. And of course, today's guest is going to be talking all about that. Uh, he is Ryan Stanley. He is a life and self-leadership coach and the author of Be Patient Be Present, Be Joyful: A First Aid Kit to the Emotional Bumps and Bruises of Life. And here's the little book. I love it. As I moved, you guys know I made a big move, I kept this with me because it was, you know, portable. And it was always there. It's like your, your pocket first aid guide. So there's quotes, there's little stories. And of course, we're going to bring Ryan in to talk all about this., and he can tell us all about it. Hello, Ryan! Happy New Year to you!

Hello, Christine J Gold! Happy New Year as well! Thank you so much for having me. Been looking forward to it all day long.

Amazing, amazing. So maybe you can tell us where in the world you are right now and maybe just a little bit about yourself.

Yeah, happily. Um, I am in New Jersey. I live in northwestern New Jersey. I more or less grew up here. A little bit about myself. I am, as you mentioned, a life and self-leadership coach. I'm an author. I'm a speaker. I'm a coach. I am an entrepreneur. I believe that living on purpose doesn't happen by accident. And so, I strive each day to do my best to be the best version of myself so that I can inspire others to do the same.

Wonderful. Yeah. See, you were, before we talked, you're all worried that you'd be rusty or you'd forget who you are.

I know. You know, I did about 70 podcasts over the summer, uh, into the fall, and I was like, and it's time for me to take a little break. And when I realized I had another one tonight, I was like, oh my gosh, I haven't done one of these in a while. Uh, but you know, once you— it's like riding a bike.

There you go.

Yeah, just like I tend to go skiing every 10 years, and, um, once you get out there, you, you get the skis underneath you, you just feel, feel the gravity and roll with it. Hopefully, hopefully less rolling and more skiing.

I'm not turning into a giant snowball. Yeah. On the way down. Well, thank you so much. Um, I guess, you know, my, my first question is, I mean, I have quite a few, but, um, why did you write the book? And I thought it was interesting that it was done in July. Was July 2019 when it was released, or is that when you started to write it?

No, it was published July of 2019.

So I guess my second part is, did you have an inkling? Because I've told quite a few of my clients and followers in 2019. I said, I feel something and we cannot sustain whatever this is. So I— go ahead. I mean, that was my feeling.

No, I can't say that I did in particular. I can just say that, you know, I actually on and off been working on the book for— as silly as it sounds, actually, not silly, but anyway, it is a smaller book. Obviously, it's something that you can read in, you know, maybe 35, 40 minutes if you want to just sit down and rock through it. Um, but I didn't like sit there and write it out and like, you know, done and then work on it. I like worked on it on and off for about a year and a half, like 2 years, not really even knowing when the publishing date would be. There's actually a cool story behind it, but it actually ended up— and this had nothing to do with me— that ended up being published on my birthday, uh, on my 44th birthday. And favorite number. And so just the timing, and I literally had nothing to do with any— like, I didn't say, can we do it on this date? I was working with my publisher, we were talking, and he's like, okay, looks like here by the time everything is done looks like, you know, July 4th, uh, you know, 2019. I was like, I was like, really? And he said, yeah. So I, I don't— I didn't have any particular feeling that something— I mean, I always feel like something is— there's always an opportunity for all of us to be the light we want to see in the world again, you know, to influence others and to create more of a place that we'd prefer to be living in. Uh, so that in itself, to go back to answer your question, is kind of why I wrote the book, right? I, I knew that I've been working with clients for the past 10 years. I've been a coach since 2009. I've been working with clients for the past 10 years. I've gone through my own self-journey, my own self-growth journey, and the common themes of patience, of presence, of joy, of things that we all feel that come from outside us just kept coming up over— I mean, because they're basic, right? They're basic needs that we don't really necessarily understand that we have, I think, and we feel that they're fulfilled by others or circumstance. And really they are created within. And so it just— I just wanted to say, in fact, I have to say, I have it written down here. I literally just wrote down one day on a piece of paper, on a sticky note, it just says, be patient, be present, be joyful. Uh, and then it says like, every moment in life is a gift, which I ended up turning into an epilogue of Keep Going. And so when I saw this come in, like, I basically— I just worked— it seemed like an idea that made sense to me. And I am not a reader, meaning I'm not gonna sit down and read a page that's 300 pages long. I'm not gonna read a book that's 300 pages long. So I didn't wanna write a book that was 300 pages long. I wanted something if you're having a tough day, if you're feeling overwhelmed, if you're feeling the stress of life that you can pick up at any given moment and just find something that could serve you. Actually, I wrote it with two purposes in mind. One, that you can read it straight through and have some very tangible takeaways. Again, like I said, you could read it in 45 minutes, but then, you know, for the rest of your week, at the very least, have stuff that you can go back to and utilize and be like, okay, now I understand how I can use this on an everyday basis. But then secondly, kind of to your point, going through a move, going through a stressful time, just to be able to open it up, it's literally created so on every single page there is something that could serve you. There is, like you said, there's either a quote, there's a blurb that I've kind of written, or there's intentionally highlighted tracks within a paragraph that would pop out to you. And so I wrote it with— I wrote it— I always say I wrote for myself as much as I did for everybody else, but I wanted to create something that people could utilize, uh, whether you're 12 years old or whether you're 100 years old, something that you could pick up if you're having a tough time. And it just happened to fall into the summer of 2019, and, you know, I've gotten so much feedback about it, you know, ending up in people's laps, in different ways at the time that they needed it most. I had one woman recently, they, they, um, you know, she— a friend of mine's mother had passed away, and they said when they went to her house, it was next to her bed. And, uh, so I just got chills. So when things like that, I know that there was— there's purpose. So while I didn't know, here it comes, you know, here comes all the craziness of 2020, uh, I think I do know on some level that, you know, we can all use some love, we can use some awareness that we have choice in any given moment to decide who we want to be.

Yeah, beautifully said. Like you said, you got chills because that's your, your, you know, your guides, your, your team, they're giving you, you know, a check-in time. Keep going, keep going, you've got this. Um, yeah, beautiful. And I love that, um, yeah, it, that was the purpose, right, was the work that you did with the clients. And that's where the book came from. It's not like you said, I want to be on the New York top 10 sellers list, because unfortunately that doesn't happen. It does. And again, you know, that's not the intention, right? Any of us—

and both though, I would say, like, I am definitely a creative entrepreneur. I love having huge goals. So, um, it's not like I'm sitting here spending every day trying to get my book number one on the New York Times seller list. But the grand scheme of things, you take a look at other books that were maybe published 10 years before they became, you know, multi-million viewed books. You know, my intention is to get this in front of as many people as possible all over the world, and not necessarily just for the recognition of being on the number one on the list, but as much as to serve as many people as possible.

Absolutely. Uh, just saying hello to Lynn. Thank you for being here. She's one of our great supporters and a really good friend as well. Please share this out, Lynn, and I know you do all the time, so thank you. And anyone else, please, you know, if you have questions, please ask. If you're on the replay, let us know as well. And we're not going to leave you hanging. Like, if you need something, we're going to— we're going to reply to you. So we're not like some other shows, and I don't know who they are, but I'm just saying, we have—

we get back to you. Yeah.

Yes. Yeah. And that's interesting I say that because there are a lot of conversations. I feel like I'm segueing somewhere else, but I actually heard one of my mentors say that he will not deal with a company unless they have in-person or phone customer service. Yeah, because I have friends that work in the industry and the chatbots and all that is as friendly and fun and easy as it is. A lot of people feel frustrated because they can't talk to somebody.

I am definitely one of those people. I love connection. I get frustrated It's like, as soon as I get into a machine, I'm like, you know, it's like, press that. I'm like, I just want to talk to a human being. Is that how much to ask? You've got to have one somewhere who could do this for me.

Yeah, no, that's, yeah, that's, that's part of it. Um, I feel that, you know, that's a global, um, issue among a lot of other things. We're not going to go into that, but, um, so what, you know, why do you do what you do? How did that start?

In regards to being a coach?

Yes.

Yeah. I mean, because I do— I say that in the sense because I forget. I do a lot of different things, right? I'm kind of changing from day to day. So I've always been a creative entrepreneur. I am the second oldest of 10. And so I grew up taking care of my younger siblings a lot.

Oh my goodness. Wow.

I used to own a daycare center. I'm saying all these things. I've surrounded myself in nurturing. Roles. Like, you know, I found myself in a space of connectivity and empowering others, uh, and from a young age as an entrepreneur, I was reading Napoleon Hill and recognizing the value of self-development and recognizing the value of intentional thought and recognize the value of deciding who you want to be and doing something about it, right? Those are big, big parts of being an entrepreneur. And in 2008, I was working as an artist management So I managed a bunch of bands. I had my own artist management company. And what I loved most about that was the connecting with the artists, was working with people who wanted to be better and helping them, showing them that they could be, being a part of their path of growth and helping them set goals and push past fears and all that stuff, right?

Yes.

I didn't necessarily like dealing with shady club owners, and I didn't necessarily like if I was working with a band and maybe half the members didn't show up for practice on time or care how many gigs we got or whatever. It became more about babysitting than it was really about creating something together. And so it was like October of 2008, and I like 3 times in the same month the term coach came up. And I was like, well, you know, that sounds like me. I mean, it sounds like what I love, that I do love about what I do. And so I started doing a little bit of research and I ended up enrolling in IPEC, the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching, in February of 2009. And I, you know, I— some people, like, you know when you found what you do well, right? That was definitely an aha moment for me. I love coaching. I would say next to parenthood, coaching is the most fulfilling thing I've ever done, and I'll absolutely do on some level for the rest of my life. And so to be in the space where— because coaching, you're not necessarily even telling people what to do. No, you're just, you know, you're, you're recognizing— first of all, you're reflecting a lot back to them, but you're helping them recognize that they have fears and they have blocks and they have limiting beliefs, and we all have them, uh, but I'm not going to solve them. They have the answers to all of them. They're just not looking at them the appropriate way based on those fears, blocks, and limiting beliefs. So I loved— I, and I still love, you know, the connection with somebody when you see them have that aha moment when they are— after speaking with you, it's not that you told them what to do, now they know what they want to do, as much as they realize the truth from within, who they truly are as a soul and as a human being, and have the ability to accomplish. And they're not necessarily going to get it done in a day, a week, a month, a year. But having— planting seeds on a regular basis of empowerment, of strength, of gratitude, of love, of compassion for yourself, so that you can go out and be the best version of yourself again, to inspire others to do the same.

Um, yeah, love that. Planting seeds. And, and today is a new moon, so we're all about intentions and planting seeds.

There you go, can't go wrong. Kick it into gear.

Yeah, and I almost— I feel like, you know, a treasure hunter. And basically we just— we light the map. You, you already have the map. You just need someone to show you and light the way and even just let you know that it's there.

Yeah, you know that it's not somewhere else. You don't have to look it up. You don't have to get it from somebody else. You have the map. You, you have the truth. You just have to ask yourself the right questions and believe the truth that you'll, you'll have the answers, and then you'll start to see them more often.

Absolutely. Yeah. Well, thank you for all the work that you do. I mean, you know, I, I obviously work with energy, and that's what I feel off of you. And, um, you know, you're my son, my youngest is a Cancer, so I can definitely feel that Cancer vibe as well.

That's right, July 4th. I was like, hey, I was like, oh yeah, I forgot.

Yeah. So thank you for doing that. Um, so I guess, what is your, your hope for humanity and for the future? I guess that's a pretty big, broad statement question, but not really.

I mean, it is, and, and it's, you know, it comes down to my hope for humanity is that we recognize that we are not a species of competition. I love that. We are a species of cooperation.

Yes.

And that separation um, causes competition, and judgment causes competition. Judgment of ourselves and judgment of others. And when we take away the judgment of others and we take away having to win or be better than someone else, or even be better than anything— this is just to be, to be good, right? A lot of the time when we judge ourselves, we're not good enough. And so that is separation. So, you know, for humanity, you know, if there was— imagine if everybody on the planet was coming from a place of cooperation in everything that they did, and every conversation they had was there to empower others to be the best versions of themselves. And through that knowingness of empowering others to be the best version of themselves, we know that there's other people who are empowering us to be the best. So it is just this constant giving and not taking. It is a constant creativity and not destruction. It's a constant love and not, again, judgment. Uh, so that— well, you say it's a broad topic. It's really— I don't know, I can't say it's simple. So that, that would be it.

Yeah, well, when I say broad, I think again people are looking outside, right? So then they look at everything and there's too much, and then it becomes overwhelming. So then I don't want to look anymore. Yeah, um, I, I get that. I, I hear that a lot. Oh yeah, Lynn's like those chatbots.

Suck. Yeah, trying to cut down, Lynn.

Yes. Oh wow. So let me know, you guys, if you have any questions. And you know, I'm always talking about, um, curiosity because curiosity leads to creativity and creativity leads to basically your— because I talk about soul's purpose all the time. It's through play, it's through fun, it's really through tapping into the inner child as well. So how does someone move from judgment to curiosity?

Yeah, and real quick, before I even answer that specifically, I'll say you're right. I just want to say that not only does, um, curiosity lead to creativity, but curiosity is creativity. Yes, from the sake of— as soon as you become curious about something, as soon as you decide that there is an answer that you don't have but you want to find it out, you are creating even a mental path and you're creating energy that is seeking that truth, right? You're seeking that creativity. And you are in that point creating energy. You're creating thoughts. You're creating a path that will be ideally lead to the answer. So, but how does judgment— to answer your specific question, going from judgment to curiosity, how does that empower a creative mindset? So going back to your question, what do I want for humanity? When we say I am not good enough. You are better than me. You are worse than me. You are different from me. You are, you know, that is all judgment in some capacity. And when we start to instead recognize— had— I'll take anybody, we'll start with judgment outside ourselves and then we'll move to judgment of ourselves. But if I were to say, you, whoever you are, are not good enough, and this is why I don't like your behavior, I don't like the way you talk, I don't like your beliefs, I don't like the way you dress. I don't like your— the job that you have. I don't like how you raise your kids. Whatever. There's all sorts of different things we judge people on all day long. And at any given moment, that is all judgment, and that is immediate separation. And it is the ego, uh, really trying to make itself superior so that it can kind of figure itself out. And when we are in that space, we are constantly, as I mentioned earlier, constantly separating ourselves from everybody.

Yeah.

And that is creating competition and not cooperation. And so what I think is helpful for— has been helpful for me in my life is to recognize that had I— I'll just take that same you that I just talked about, whatever the different things that I'm, I'm judging them on— had I been born to their parents at the exact same moment that they were born and lived literally every single second of their life and had every single conversation that they had and every experience, good, bad, ugly, fearful, and every reaction to every single one of those experiences that led to another experience or thought or whatever that led them up to this exact point where I just saw them, witnessed them, and judged them. If I had done all of that like they did, I would be behaving in the exact same manner. And so for me to judge them for that literally doesn't make any sense. And so we get caught up in, you're not good enough, and this person was bad, and that person was bad. And listen, don't get me wrong, there are certainly consequences for behaviors. And I'm not belittling anybody's response to certain scenarios or certain behaviors. I'm not saying that. As much as I'm saying, as an overall, to your point, to a broad— from a broad space, if all of humanity were to start leading with empathy and understanding and curiosity. So now, instead of me judging you for being all those different things that I talked about earlier, instead be genuinely and with an open heart and authentic curiosity, Well, I'm saying it twice, but curious as to why they are that way. Like, what would— what is their life like? What is their life like when they're not with me right now in this moment, behaving in this way? What other influences do they have in their life? How are they being harmed or not being harmed? But, you know, and we generally are to, to put ourselves in their shoes for a moment and be really— not just for the sake of, well, you know, I guess— but like, really, okay, if I was really living that person's life, how would I be looking at this whole world differently? And so when we start to be more curious, we start to have more empathy, we start to have more understanding, and we start to, uh, be able to connect others, and we reduce that, that separation, and we create more oneness.

Yeah, be the bridge.

Totally.

Be the bridge and be the child, because any child I know, they, they go into everything with the open heart, right? They're just like, oh, yeah, let's have fun.

In fact, it's funny that you say that because a lot of the time with my coaching clients I will— and that when they're having stress about their life, or they're, they're not happy where they are, or they're just not doing enough work, or they're— what, all these different things, right? I will say to them, you know, I'll coach them for a while around it, and then sometimes I'll just say, so if you— and sometimes they will be parents, so let's just say they are a parent in this circumstance, um, it makes it easier for the, for the metaphor. But I would say to them, you know, if your child came to you with this exact same challenge right now that you just gave to me, what would you tell them? And they're always like, oh, you know, I would say this, I would say don't worry, I was like, you know, life is difficult sometimes but keep going, and whatever. They have all the answers right there easily. And then, then afterwards we sit there for a second and they're like, oh, oh, speak to yourself like you would a child. Yeah, a child that you love unconditionally.

Absolutely. Yeah, I love that. Wow, we're like speaking the same language here. Totally.

And then so to speak to that self-judgment piece, right? So I'm not good enough, I'm not— I don't, uh, I don't weigh as much as I want to, weigh less, I want to look different, have a better job, I want to be in a better relationship, all these different things, uh, we're constantly telling ourselves we're not good enough compared to something else out there.

Yeah.

Uh, as opposed to getting curious, right? So I'll just use a— I'm not in a relationship that I want, um, or about the I'm in a bad relationship.

Yeah.

So the difference is, um, it's like the difference between should and could. I should be in a better relationship. I should weigh less. I should be— have a better job. I should— right? You're constantly— I would say stop. And I didn't— this is not my quote, I heard it somewhere, but it's like, stop shoulding on yourself.

Yes.

When you change that should to could is a really easy way for anybody to go from judgment to curiosity, because when you do that, you give yourself some responsibility and when you judge anything, especially yourself, you put it in a box and you don't leave room for growth, uh, because you've judged it as, I should, you know, I should be whatever it is, right? Just, you've judged it basically is not good enough.

Yes.

And when you shift that to could, in the example of I should be further along in my career, I mean, just even when you say it's like, I should be further along in my career, it's like, yeah, that feels, that feels heavy. But when you say, you know what, I could be further along on my career, you're like, okay, so what does that look like?

Yes.

Well, it looks like this. Okay, so now there's opportunity. Not, I've labeled you as judged and that's it. You should be further along in your career. You kind of suck like those, right? It's, uh, I could be further along on my career. Great, so let's do that. What does that look like? Like, I know COVID aside, which is a really big thing to put aside, but I'm saying You know, really, we're in a space now where medical technology and everything— you've got, you know, most people have the average of anywhere, especially if you're in your 20s and you're worried about your career, you're worried or whatever, you have another 80 years ahead of you, right, to kind of figure it out and to learn the lessons and to be on the journey. Um, so step into that. So when you go from I should to I could, cool. So if it's that important to me, if I have that much energy around, I should be further along in my career. And whether you're 20 or whether you're 50, whatever your energy is. I just was using a difference between 80 years and 50 years, right? Still plenty of time to decide who you want to be and every day do something about it. But when you go from the space of should to could and you start deciding, okay, I, I could be more further, I could be farther along my career, it's up to us then to have the responsibility to say, great, so what do I, what am I willing to do about that? And just as much time and physical energy saying I don't like my life and I should be further along, or I should be this as much as I can spend that exact same amount of energy creating gratitude for life itself. Yes, gratitude for the— this moment right now where there's oxygen, there is sunlight, there's gravity, there's water so that you can exist and have this experience. I could spend that exact same amount of time and energy thinking about that and then deciding how I want to utilize it to actually get what I believe that I need, which in this case, as an example, would be further along in my career. So the last thing I'll just say— sorry, uh, not sorry.

No, go ahead. It's all good.

It says curiosity also gives us an opportunity for responsibility that can serve us and others.

You, you took the words out of my mouth because I was thinking responsibility. He got it. Telepathy at work.

Yeah, all connected.

Yes, we are. More so than we think we are.

I say that.

There are no coincidences. Déjà vu is a message. Are you paying attention? So I'm just asking anyone that's watching, even on the replay, how do you stay patient, present, and joyful? Share with us. And how do you do that every day?

A couple different things. So first one, we'll start with patience.

A lot—

again, without sounding redundant— it comes down to curiosity. Right. A lot of the time when people are stressed or overwhelmed or feeling impatient, uh, it's because they're thinking about obviously the past, right? Or I'm sorry, they're thinking about the future. They're thinking about time, that there's not enough time in some capacity. So, uh, for instance, I have a— I was just working with a client today. So a lot of my clients are musicians, and he was like, well, you know, I'm recognizing that I'm just not far, far enough along. I'm like, compared to what? You know, so it came down to patience. So they're taking all the right steps. It's not like they're doing nothing. So they are taking actions, they're taking classes, they're practicing, they're working with the producer, they're working with an, um, you know, a vocal coach, all these different things. So be patient with yourself and recognize that it will unfold exactly as it's supposed to. So this isn't really necessary. So I don't know if I'm answering your question, but how do I stay patient is to recognize, ask myself a question. If I'm feeling any type of stress in regards to time, I can ask myself, I can be curious, right? Am I being patient? And if the answer is no, that's okay, right? So then, then don't go immediately into judgment. Oh, I'm just an impatient person then, right? Which many of us do. So it's like we go from one judgment to the next, which again doesn't serve us. It just feels heavy.

Yes.

So instead, go— if you reckon immediately are curious, like, how am I being patient? No. Okay, great. So, excuse me, if I wanted to, like, what How does a curious patient behave? How does a patient person behave? How would a patient person behave right now? How would a patient person feel right now? If we're genuinely curious and separating ourselves from the story that we've been telling ourselves up until that moment and the spiral of anger and frustration that we've gotten ourselves into by our own thoughts, by the way, we then decide to change that and switch it to curiosity. How would a patient person handle this exact situation? And even just by asking yourself that question, you are in a sense becoming patient because you're no longer in a hurry to find out whatever or get the result that you were worried about. And instead you're able to sit and be here now and be patient with the result. And that, that there's a reason that the first chapter is Be Patient. And it's because that's so— it's something that all of us can, can recognize. There's so many times when you're late for something, you're in a car and you're in a car for 40 minutes, maybe you're late for something, and you spend that entire 40 minutes just angry because you're late.

Yeah.

And, and then you get to where you've gotten— you were supposed to go— and it turns out it wasn't that big of a deal. The person you're supposed to meet was late anyway. And, or maybe it was a big deal, but the next day it didn't really matter, whatever it was. So you took 40 minutes of your life in this metal box while you're on this, this highway or wherever you are, spending energy, creating energy that is not serving your physical being. It's not serving your purpose, it's not serving the outcome that you want. All it is is being impatient. So you start to recognize that patience is a choice at any given moment, and you start to be grateful for the outcome that you prefer to happen as opposed to the one that you're imagining, the worst-case scenario. Then you start to live now, right? You'll start to live here now, and you start to create gratitude, which releases endorphins, which makes your body feel better anyway. And then you, just by doing that, you're moving to Chapter 2, which is be present, right? Yes.

Yeah, be present. And, and, you know, the king of presence for me is, is Eckhart Tolle. I know we talked about that, and that's, you know, a big part of the book. It always seems on this page, so that's a reminder.

Yeah. Do you want to read that one real quick? Because I love—

sure, sure. Accept, then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. It's all about choice. Always work with it, not against it.

Yeah, that, that quote literally changed my life. I literally, I remember reading it once and being like, so if at any given point I can decide that whatever is going on right now— and by the way, anybody out there, I, I by no means do I want to belittle anybody's experience or reaction to that experience, or I'm clearly not— I, you know, there's some what can be judged as terrible things that happen to people on a daily basis. So I'm not saying that your reaction to any experience is invalid or anything like that. I am saying from a personal development perspective, if you're, if you're looking to live a better life or what I would consider a better life, looking to live more on purpose, looking to more be more present, looking to live more joyful, a more joyful experience, then you can say to yourself, if for whatever reason, like just take out the, the, my stories behind it, but if for any reason whatsoever, I did choose this experience that is happening right now. Why would that be? And if you can start to again get curious, right, instead of judging this experience as bad, whether it is or not, instead of spending this physical energy and emotion and time judging this experience as bad, and instead getting curious as to how, if you had chosen it, because like in that quote he says, act as if you had chosen it and then decide what to do with it, it actually can become something that serves you and it can serve your purpose and it can serve others and it can serve the rest of your life. If you spend physical time deciding, how has this happened for me? Because the truth is that life is always happening for you and not to you. That was something else that was a huge change for me. Yeah, when you start stepping into every single day and recognize that this is happening for me and not to me, even on the bad days, even in the arguments, the stresses, the terrible things that happen to people. How could this have happened for me? And if you are genuinely and authentically curious and not like sarcasm, how could this have happened for me? But you are like, okay, I don't know, I don't like it, I don't like my physical feeling right now, I don't like the thoughts that are coming to my mind, but for the sake of conversation, for the sake of me enjoying the rest of my experience and learning more of who I want to be as a soul in this body and on Earth, um, how could, how could this have happened for me? What could be a positive result? What could be a result from this experience that will serve my, my path or serve someone else? And if you genuinely and authentically start asking yourself questions like that and you start stepping into them. How did COVID-19 happen for me? You know, it's going to be different for every single person who's having every single different unique experience. And when you start to actually ask yourself those questions and say, okay, how can I make— how can I use this not to make me better, but to live the life that I'm meant to live, that I want to live? Whatever I feel like I'm not getting, how can I utilize this experience to get it in some capacity? And then be patient with the outcome. Right? So I'm not necessarily going to get the results if I decided that— and I know I'm kind of going in a bunch of circles here, but I'm saying if you decide that this happened for me so that I can get X, and whatever X is doesn't mean you're going to get X tomorrow, but it is an opportunity for you to decide that based on that information. And I've decided after asking myself, after genuinely being curious, how did this happen for me, uh, and not to me, to give me X? If I've come up with the answer is to get X, then it's my responsibility again to decide how I'm going to take today, tomorrow, the next day to start moving towards X. And then sometimes, by the way, as you— if once you make that decision, you're moving towards X, whatever that may be, you recognize that it wasn't X all along anyway. But had you not decided that it was X, you wouldn't have moved on the path that led you to end up being Z, or whatever the true answer is. And so recognizing that life is always happening for you and working with it, not against it, just as Eckhart Tolle says is an extremely powerful way to live.

And then moving that into joy. So joyful.

Yeah. So, and real quick before that, I do want to answer more specifically the question on present because there's actually some very tactical techniques that everybody can use out there. To be present in any given moment, if you're worried about the future, if you're worried about the past, what someone else somewhere else said, or what someone else somewhere else thinks about me, or what happened to me 10 years ago, or what I said at a meeting 3 weeks ago, or what might happen to me next week because I said something at that meeting 3 weeks ago, right? It's all this stuff that we're everywhere else in our mind all the time. That is the opposite of being present.

Yeah.

And if you find yourself caught up in these stresses, that is typically what's going on, right? You're thinking everywhere else. And so if you want to be present and you recognize maybe this conversation, or you pick up this book and this makes sense to you, uh, and you want to be present, a real easy thing that any of us can do, and this might seem obvious to some, but I always like to share it anyway, is ask yourself, like, what are your 5 senses doing? You know, what am I smelling right now? What am I hearing right now? What am I seeing right now? Can I feel the air against the skin in my face? You know, what— and by just by doing that, you are being present. You are being here now because you're not worried about these different things. You're, you're again being curious, right? Asking yourself, what do I feel? What do I hear? What do I see? And that will bring you into the present moment. And you can do that whenever you want to. So I've seen people talk about following your breath and obviously taking deeper breaths to give oxygen to your body. That's all helpful, obviously, as well. So thank you for that. In regards to joy, unless there's anything that you want to add to that.

No, I mean, it's all— it's really in the little moments and finding more— the more times you can find quiet is the more time you can find your patience your presence, and your joy are in those quiet moments.

Yeah. And I would add to that, uh, so finding joy— and this will kind of be a good transition, right, to answer that question— a lot of the time it's not that people aren't joyful, it's that they're stuck in anger or stress or overwhelm, right? And so let's just say you get in a fight with somebody, or as a parent, I get stressed with my 10-year-old. I mean, homeschooling has been— it's been crazy. It's been a crazy year to be a parent, I'm not gonna lie to you. I got a 10-year-old and them just not wanting to do work. And, you know, it's like this, this thin line between recognizing that they have a weird life right now. You know, their teachers are wearing masks, they can't go play sports, they can't go to their friend's house, they can't, you know, um, and so they're, they're in a unique situation as well. And, uh, I think, you know, I'm going off on a tangent based on some recent personal experience, but I just found myself like getting overwhelmed and stressed when he wasn't doing his homework.

Yeah.

So I, I reached a level of anger where which really in the grand scheme of things, it turns out to be more about control than it is about truth, right? I just find myself wanting to have more control over a 10-year-old because I think that they should act like a 40-year-old, but he doesn't, right? And we don't say that out loud, but that's kind of our thoughts. Like, why don't you just do the way that it took me 40 years to learn it? Why haven't you figured it out by 10? I told you what to do yesterday. But that's not what it— that's a— but it feels more angry, it feels more stressful. And, or if we're in an argument with a, with a someone in a relationship, How long do you want to be angry, right? I think so many people get caught up in the story over and over and over again. The record player, whatever it is, their tape recorder is just playing the same thing over and over again. And they're, well, I'm right, I have to be right, I can't believe they said that, they're wrong. Again, judgment, right? Always a lot of judgment. Oh yeah, of them, maybe of ourselves in any other way. But when you get to this place and you are judging someone and you're angry at them and you want to be right you're not joyful.

No.

So at any given moment, you can say to yourself, you know, how would I rather be feeling right now? Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy? And then get curious. How would, how would a joyful person behave?

Yeah.

Be again, get curious. What is something that brings me joy? Think of somebody you love unconditionally. Think of a positive experience that you had. And it's not just burying bad stuff down and just pretending it didn't happen. As much as it is the opposite. It's recognizing it, recognizing the feeling that it's giving you, asking yourself, how is this thought, this feeling, serving me? And curiosity.

Yes.

And if it's not, right, your answer might be it's not. So then you can say, great, so what is a thought that might serve me more in this moment? Um, instead of judging, instead of worrying about being right, just accept somebody that had you been— again, going back to what I said earlier, had you lived every single second of that person's life, the person you just got in a fight with, you would be behaving the exact same way and had the exact same opinion and perspective and reacted and argued the same way and said the same things that were hurtful, perhaps.

Yeah.

So again, I'm not saying it's so easy all the time, just be like, oh, it doesn't matter, you hurt my— you know, as much as you can let that last 1 minute, 10, you know what I mean? So there's 40 minutes, 2 days go by and you're still angry at somebody. It's like, well, that's no way to spend time. There's no way to live this life that, again, gravity, oxygen, sunlight Every single moment is a gift, and you're spending it angry at something that happened 2 days ago, but somebody that has nothing to do with you.

Exactly, exactly.

So joy— create joy because you can. Joy is free. Joy is— there's always an opportunity to decide what it's like to be joyful. And I would say the most important thing, and we touched on it earlier, is to— or a very important thing in creating joy is gratitude, is to truly recognize what you have. And when you start to create gratitude intentionally, you are— I mean, your heart will physically swell. Like, there's a reason that that is talked about. It's not just a cliché. And I think, I think a lot of us have kind of— going back to the '20s, like, his heart, you know, got big. It's like the Grinch, right? His heart grew. Or your heart, your heart will physically grow when you create love and you create gratitude. Like, it's like your body swells in other areas when different thoughts, right, come, come to mind. Like, your body is a physical reaction. Your heart will swell when you create love, when you create love, when you create gratitude. And so to spend time intentionally on a daily basis in as much gratitude as possible— I mean, literally spending— it's something that has been a specific practice for me over the past year plus. Uh, around 2019, I started reading, uh, Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza.

Yes. Yeah.

And, um, so really stepping into some of his meditations. In fact, I do one just about every day, and they're an hour plus. And a lot of the time I'm spending just 40 minutes directly in gratitude, which is something I never really did before in my life, right? I would think, oh, I gotta be grateful now. And building up this habit and this self-awareness and this ability that not only my, my mind of being able to create gratitude for long periods of time, but my physical body, just like you, you kind of get addicted to being stressed. And right, your body has chemicals that come out when you're stressed, specific things, and you get anxious and you get uncomfortable and physically, yeah, you're angry. Um, when you are creating gratitude more and more on a daily basis, your physical body will have a different reaction.

It does. It goes into a parasympathetic state.

Absolutely.

This nerve gets reset. It's like a healing session, really.

And you can do it whenever you want to for free. And when you start to make a habit of that, it becomes a habit when you're in times that are not joyful.

Yeah, like chaos is swirling around and you're like, uh, no, who do I want to be right now? Exactly.

Yeah, how did this, how did this happen for me?

And Lynn is just adding in that what's the lesson that can be drawn from the, from the each experience.

Yeah, always. And that's what it is like that. And that— thank you, Lynn, that's a great point. So another point, we'll go back to curiosity. You can ask yourself at any given moment, um, what is the lesson? What do I want the lesson to be? What do I want to learn from this? Who do I want to be because of this situation? How can I create joy? Even if the lesson is how do I create joy in my life?

Absolutely, absolutely. So Wow, just some amazing insight. Um, you've definitely done, you know, done the work, and I appreciate everything you've done. Um, now I already—

it's my pleasure. I appreciate your appreciation, and I'm saying that with fun but sincerely as well. Thank you.

And I'd like to get back, you know, last year I, I had asked my guests these two questions, and, um, so— and I'm getting back to them because I feel it's really important that in this 2021 energy, which you know, Age of Aquarius, and it's humanitarian, it's collaboration, it's community, it's co-creation. That's the whole theme of the year. Um, so how can we as a collective energy help make your dreams come true?

Me specifically?

Yes.

Oh, well, uh, thank you for asking that question. So two things. One, you can start to live more curiously and less judgmentally. We can start to live more from cooperation and less from, um, separation. Yes, competition. And real quick, I just want to speak to that real quick because this will also answer my question, or answer your question. Sure.

Yeah.

Uh, you know, we, we've kind of grown up on this, this concept of Darwinism from 100 years ago, right? And that it, that it is all competition. I think that's where this innate thing, we have to be better, like survival of the fittest. But that's from my experience and from connection, I think that's more for animals than it is for humanity. And when we start to step away, that doesn't have to be the case. And so that's why I say we are more cooperative. And you, you think of any situation where people are helping each other as often as possible. And it doesn't mean don't show up to be the best version of yourself and don't work hard. Doesn't mean to sit around and look for a handout. It means be the absolute physical, monetary, anything that is important to you, best version of yourself so that you can help everybody else to be, do something as well. Because the truth is everybody wants something different, uh, and we don't think that in our brain. We just feel like everybody wants exactly what we want, but there's billions of people on the planet and they all have a completely different consciousness, a completely different experience, and they want different things. Um, so you can help me to have my dreams come true by striving to be the best version of yourself as often as possible. Uh, you could, you could buy a copy of my book, and actually you could buy 2 copies of my book, and I say that with sincerity and with love to buy one and then give one away to somebody else who you believe could— it could serve. I often will leave them on benches. I leave them just places all around. We've got like a little library in our town, like those little libraries where you take a book. Yeah, I leave them there. Um, so I mean, I— so if you could help me, serve me in 2021, if that was your intention, please buy a copy of my book. You can find it on Amazon, you can find it on ryanstanley.com. Again, it's called Be Patient, Be Present, Be Joyful. A First Aid Kit for the Emotional Bumps, Scrapes, and Bruises of Life.

Yes.

And you can, uh, if you get as much out of it as I, as I hope you do, as I intend you to, uh, you will ideally see or know somebody who could get the same and so purchase them a copy as well.

Yes, because it's cyclical. So whatever you're tithing, giving, will come back, and then you give more, and then it comes back. It's, yeah, it's like the, the infinity sign, the 8 symbol as well. And then I guess the other question is, what does magic mean to you?

What does magic mean to me? You know what? I think life is magic. I think the concept that life is happening all around us everywhere is magic. Magic is the unknown. Magic is being grateful for the unknown. Magic is being aware that there's billions and billions of things happening for us in every instant of every day that we will never know anything about., and that we have the opportunity to create gratitude for that in any given moment and live our life purposely because of it.

Love it.

And that is magic.

Yes, yes. And that reminds me of the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. Yeah, yeah, that's an amazing book.

Um, I, yeah, I have a friend, uh, it's her absolute favorite. She carries one with her wherever she goes.

Ah, nice. Wonderful, wonderful. So is there anything else you'd like to share with us before we wrap up? Um, of course I left all of the links of how to get a hold of you, your website, all of your social media, and, uh, you know, a copy if you want to buy a copy of his book. Most definitely it's there as well. Anything else you'd like to leave with us today?

I would thank you for the opportunity to do so, Christine. I would say, and I'm talking to whoever's listening this right now, um, you were born for a reason. You're here for a purpose. You get to decide what that is. It's your responsibility to make time today to do that. I would say this is unprecedented times, though, you know, there's been crazy times throughout history that we haven't been around, so we don't know how crazy this is compared to other crazy times. This is crazy times for us, and it's because it's so documented as well. But make some time tomorrow or today, tonight or tomorrow, to literally spend 20 minutes writing down exactly who you want to be and what you want to what you want your life to look like. Think about it in the present moment. If I woke up a year from today and my life was exactly how I wanted it to be, and don't be like, well, what about COVID And what about this? And what about my job? It doesn't matter. That's not what I'm asking. I'm saying write down exactly what you want your life to look like, feel like, in every way possible. Think about it. Close your eyes, sit there and be there for a little bit. Then create gratitude for that outcome. Genuine, authentic gratitude for the outcome. Then create genuine, authentic gratitude for your ability to manifest that outcome, um, and start stepping into it. And now you have this blueprint, you have this North Star document that you can wake up and look at every single day. No one is going to save you. No one is going to come down— a superhero is going to fly in and do everything for you. This is your responsibility. You negotiated to be here on Earth during this time. Do something about it. You are this magical being who's made up of all the same things that the stars and the, the sun and the moon and the Earth is made up of. Treat yourself like that. Treat your life like that. Step into your greatness and be what you are and shine your light so bright that others, you know, can't deny it and then want to do the same.

Wow, that's beautiful. Gosh. So many beautiful things said there. And you know, like I said, we're, we're speaking the same language, uh, once again. I love it, I love it. Lynn is saying she's on it.

Thank you, Lynn.

Yay, Lynn, we've got you, we got you down here. It's all good. All right, guys, well, thank you so much, uh, for showing up today, even if you're on the replay. Thank you for your time, your presence, and your patience. And Find your joy, as, as Ryan has so eloquently said over the last— it's been almost an hour. I appreciate your time, and, uh, thank you so much, Ryan. I look forward to— I feel like there's more collaborations coming here between us. I, I just love that synergy going right now, so I look forward to that, uh, as well. Guys, I just want to mention a few things. Um, if you haven't, um, checked out my weekly energy update, it's out right now. Every week I tap into the global energy, and this week is all about courage. So it's very interesting that we, we keep bringing up courage. We're talking about courage. Uh, there's also the January energy update as well that is out on YouTube, and then 2021 and beyond. And beyond. And I also did a 2021 dream vision map that has already happened, but it is available for purchase on my website. So go check that out if you always wondered what a vision board is, a map, how to do it. It's digital, it's also, you know, through poster board, it's however you want it, but it's very experimental and lots of fun. So So this is your year, guys. Are you ready? I'm ready.

I'm ready. I was born ready.

All right, well, thank you so much.

Uh, thank you so much. I appreciate your awesomeness. Looking forward to connecting again. Thanks, everybody.

Yes, and please remember, healing begins where the ego ends, guys. Take care.

Bye.