Reparenting Yourself

Welcome, soul healers, to the Heart-Led Soul-Fed Podcast. I'm psychic medium and old soul Christine J Gold. This is a safe space to explore all things mystical and magical, embodying practical spirituality, and truly reclaiming who we are at a soul level, living this lifetime heart-led and soul-fed. Subscribe on your favorite way to podcast and let the healing begin.

Welcome, welcome! I'm so glad you can join me either live or on the replay. I am Christine J Gold, and this is also our Soul Healers community, so welcome. This is all about reparenting yourself. And this is episode 259. We are in season 5 as well. And, uh, please support our community the best way that you can. Uh, it's not always, uh, through money. It is through time and energy and love and tithing. So if you really enjoy this, share this, like, subscribe, do all those wonderful things, and then also leave a review if you listen or receive your podcast via Apple. I would so appreciate that. Thank you so much. So yeah, reparenting, this is, um, something I've been hearing a lot more about. I mean, I, I do already teach, um, inner child healing and inner child work and connecting back to your inner child, reclaiming your child, uh, because many of us, uh, we've had some experience in our childhood where we become disconnected, where we become angry, where we live in guilt, we live in shame, we live in blame. And, you know, there are some of the— my clients that I work with that, you know, many of them had sexual trauma. And there's a lot of that. That is, dare I say, a dirty little secret that nobody wants to talk about. Um, the fact that there's child trafficking, that there's trafficking— I mean, come on. Um, it's out there, and I know there's so many beautiful people that are trying their best, putting their time, their love, their energy into helping children, into helping, uh, people, uh, get out of trafficking and get out of that trauma. Um, and really, what is reparenting? It is the act of giving yourself what you didn't receive as a child. Now, isn't that just lovely? Um, you know, sit with that for a minute. What does that feel like? What does that look like? And we know that our childhood is where the subconscious mind is formed. It's also where we learn how to process emotions, what relationships look like, how to hold boundaries. And countless other habits and behaviors. And ideally, our parents are two self-actualized people who allow their children to be seen and heard as a unique individual they are. Made for TV, made for movies. Um, the reality is that we live in a culture that does not teach conscious awareness, so most of us are born to unconscious parents. And that's why there's the soul's contract. And yes, you chose your family, you chose this experience. I mean, I'll throw myself out there too. I, I chose this. I did, absolutely. Um, so let me know whether you're here live, if this, you know, even on the replay, if this resonates with you and, and what part resonates. And maybe there's something you want to share with us. Um, feel free. This is a safe space. And, um, and really, I just want everyone to connect and, and truly know who they are at a soul level. And it's almost like we had to go through, um, all of the muck for the last couple years for it to come up, for us to fully see, to fully receive, to fully know, to fully say, hey, I, I think I'm gonna I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I can do this now. So it's really important to understand, um, that parents can only parent from their own level of awareness, and unconscious parents repeat the same habits and patterns they've learned. They're operating from a wounded space because of their own unprocessed emotions. I mean, I, I think of my mom. She always said, I'm not going to go there, when we wanted to talk about the tough stuff, the stuff that was too hard. Uh, to go there. It was too much. My mom would suppress a lot, and then my dad was— it was oblivious, I guess, in a way. Would just let things happen, right? Just pretend it didn't happen. There's a lot of that too. Um, and I've worked, you know, and really we can only give others what we have practiced giving ourselves. We can only give others what we have practiced giving ourselves. And I've worked with all different demographics of people, and over time I've come to understand what most people seek help for in relationships is communication problems, destructive habits, addiction, self-sabotage—

me—

identity confusion. Who am I? I get that a lot. What's my purpose? I don't know what my purpose is yet. Well, I've come through my own realization that purpose is happiness, whatever your happiness happens to be. It's not a title, it's not your next certification, it's not your next relationship, it's not your next house, it's not your next $100,000, whatever that is. It's not money. And then there's also those feelings of low self-worth. I work with a lot of folks who have worthiness issues, and that includes myself. So some of you might be hearing this and thinking, my childhood's over, there's no reason to go back there. Or if my childhood is where I learned most of my coping mechanisms, I'm screwed. And we tend to be very protective, defensive around our childhood experience. But the truth is we have a unique opportunity to heal and consciously choose different behaviors as adults. Regardless of what have, you know, we, we've experienced in the past. And that process is called reparenting. And, you know, my, my childhood was unique in that— well, maybe not so unique. I don't even think it was unique. I think this happened to a lot of people. Um, I don't remember much of my dad other than him leaving when I was 4. So that's where everything changed for me, because I will ask people, what was, you know, at what age do you last remember something very significant, or a big, you know, incident, or a happening, or a trauma? Can always remember. And then there's very— there's a few that don't. I understand that. It's, it's a blocking, it's a shutdown, it's a— you just forget. Because you don't want to go there. And my mom, my mom had so many jobs, and then my mom met the neighbor a couple doors down. My mom was always looking for love that she didn't have for herself in other people. That's what I know. And my dad, my dad would let people control his life. So that's where that narcissist, sociopath, psychopath comes from. And I understand that. Actually, it's an understanding. I didn't for many years understand why he didn't want to see me. I was very angry. But when I finally got to meet his then-wife, I, you know, I pushed and pushed and pushed, and then I realized, oh my God, she is a total sociopath, narcissistic— you know, sociopath and abusive. And my dad put up with it. I— and now I know why. I was— you know, my guides, my angels, my loved ones, my ancestors trying to protect me from this. And I got to see full frontal, eyes wide open. Whoa, okay, that's not what I wanted, but I needed to see it. And my mom was battling, you know, her own issues, her own addictions. She was working all these jobs, and, you know, my mom was distracted. I get it. And I had zero discipline, um, you know, we would just do whatever. Um, and I remember my mom crying a lot, and there was a lot of chaos, and there was codependence there. So that's where the anxiety began. And not only that, but I started seeing things and hearing things, and I was highly intuitive, picking up all the energies. And I wanted to spend time with animals, and thank God, you know, my mom— we had tons of animals. We had birds, we had hamsters, we had dogs, we had cats. Um, it was the place to go to because my mom didn't really have any rules, right? So, and it kind of manifested as a bit of body dysmorphia, meaning even though I was almost 6 feet tall, 120 pounds, and was running 10 kilometers a day, couple miles, I still, when I looked in the mirror, thought I was fat. Yeah, and then the drinking, and then the smoking, and then, you know, that there was a lot of, uh, promiscuous behavior because I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I was repeating a pattern of my mom's, but I thought that was normal, right? So I didn't show up for myself, and I was out of control. I didn't understand how to set or keep boundaries, had no focus on my physical or spiritual health. I was making six figures, um, but I was miserable. I just— I was so— and I was so negative, and I was such a victim. And discovering reparenting was a game changer for me. Anybody else? Anybody else in that discovery of inner child reparenting, anything like that? And it was not my parents' fault. It meant nothing about who they were as people or how much they loved me. They were doing the best they could with their level of awareness. Now it's time for— it's time for us to do the best we can with our own evolved level of awareness. And we are evolving. Yes, we are. And it's our personal responsibility. I, I posted the other day in my Facebook and Instagram group, um, page— group, page, whatever, um— it's the, the visual is there's a little girl in the mirror crying, and there's a grown woman with her hand on the mirror. And it says, you know, the pain is not your responsibility, but the healing is. So that's deep. And anyone can begin the process of reparenting themselves. It takes time, it takes commitment and patience. There's no quick fix. You have to show up every day, but it will allow you to heal and forgive. And I'm speaking from personal experience. You know, being a chain breaker to the ancestral trauma, the wounds. And there's 4 pillars of free parenting. Discipline. Gosh, this is something that, you know, I call it a spiritual toolkit. I, I build up a self-care kit and I practice it every day. Now let's, let's say I don't hit every single point because then that becomes my ego controlling mechanism. No, no, no, we're not going there. Let's say I'm, I'm only operating at 50%. What can I do to heal, like to love myself today even though I'm not at 100%? We have to, we have to remember that discipline is not, you know, control and authoritarian and you must do this or else. No, no, no, no, that's coming from a lack and a, and a, and a fear mentality. It's really looking at yourself and going, what, what do I really need emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, financially, in relationships? And we need— we are choosing spirituality first in everything we do. And then there's the joy. How do I You know, I ask clients when I work with them, what are your dreams as a child? And I wish I had a cricket sound because I get crickets and I get the blank stare. I get it, I get it, I've been there. I'm like, dreams? What do you mean? They were crushed. I don't have any. I don't remember. Well, in part of the work that we do together and in our community, it's called Soul Healing for a reason. It's a call from your soul because you've diminished yourself for so long. You've ignored yourself for so long. You became codependent. You became a people pleaser. You became a perfectionist. Where's the joy in the little things? Like when I see a bumblebee, I'm like, oh, what a cute— I call them a bumble. Bumbler, a bumbler, or a little fuzzy butt, you know. See how my, my, even my voice changes when I talk about it because it's so cute. That's what we need to go towards, because when we're a child, we never questioned anything. Everything was magical, everything was beautiful, everything was fun, everything was joy. And then the next piece, the number 3, is emotional regulation. Emotional regulation, regulating our emotions. And that's why I take people through chakras and energy work and Reiki. They're all connected, they're all connected. And bringing in God, bringing in God, bringing in the Creator, bringing in Source, the universe, Pick something, please. Don't get attached to, well, you know, um, I had a really bad experience with some Christian person. Okay, uh, when are you going to forgive them and forgive yourself for being attached to that and letting that define who you are and letting that block you from being open to everything? Ding ding. And attached to nothing? Ding dong. Hello? Hello? Anybody there? All right, and the last one is self-care. Oh my God, you know, and self-care is— it could be writing, it could be singing, it could be cooking, it could be gardening, it could be having a luxurious Epsom salt bath, which is one of my favorite things, and massages. Oh my God, and reflexology. Yes, those are all beautiful things. Flotations, cold water plunging, having a shower and having a visualization of all the rainbow, the white light, the gold energy just raining over you. That is one way to clear your aura, to raise your vibration, to clear your energy, to align yourself with who you truly are. And self-care, as one of our community members would say, is the act of doing nothing. What? I don't have to do anything? No. If you just want to lay there and complete silence, there you go. So those are the four pillars: discipline, joy, emotional regulation, self-care. Let me know what you are doing. About that, or if you need some help. And depending on your unique childhood experience, some of these will be more difficult than others. For me, discipline is difficult. For me, my mind would have tantrums. I was rebellious. There was no part of me that wanted to wake up early, go to the gym, or do anything planned. It was process of grieving for my past self, as well as having self-compassion to allow me to view discipline in another way, like Buddha I can align with that. Chop wood, carry water, practice, rinse, repeat. And another struggle was finding joy. Joy is emotional, it's spontaneity, which I recognize as a fellow Capricorn. And I'm not just going to say it's, it's linked to my astrology. I am charting my own astrology chart. I'm learning how to do that, and I'm finding joy in that. And it's spontaneous, and it's creative, and it's play, and it's presence. We need to do that more. We need to discover joy is learning your own unique passions and interests and relearning you and me. And many years into my reparenting process, I can say that I am truly a different person. I have more confidence. I have empathy and creative energy. So I want to give you 5 steps to begin. Breathe. Breathe, because it's a process. It doesn't happen overnight. The ego wants you to nail it and get an A+. And if you try to do too much all at once, that's another thing we like to do, you will become overwhelmed and fall back into old patterns. So don't— try one new thing a day or one new thing a week. I'm finding this out in, in our one-year course where I was piling on a bunch of stuff in one week and it was a lot for, you know, the, the students, my students, to go through. So now I'm chopping it up more, and I actually have all 52 weeks done. But I'm learning that, you know, anyone can get knowledge. Go on YouTube, everyone has something to say or something to share, or an expert or whatever. But it's, you know, knowledge is understanding, wisdom is inner innerstanding. And I— we take you through the transformation, because if you don't have a transformation, what's the point? What's the point? Why are you doing it? To say you have all these certifications and you read a million books? I mean, look behind me, there's enough books there already. It's overwhelming. All right, so breathe. Number 2, keep one small promise to yourself every day, and it should be so small that it's seemingly insignificant. And for me, a small promise is being grateful for just waking up. A lot of people just get up and do whatever, but another promise is always to wake up early and to spend that time with myself. And I loved it because it was so quiet. And if you have a schedule that doesn't allow for this, that might not be a good choice for you. If you don't go to the gym every day, do not promise you go to the gym every day. Believe me, I don't. You know, some other examples is meditating for 2 minutes, go for a 5-minute walk around the block, cook one meal at home every day. Journaling, dream journaling, gratitude journal. It's the time. And do not choose any promise that takes more than 10 minutes. I'm not saying you have to sit there for half an hour or an hour or two because, oh, you're not— that's— you need all this time. It's not true. These are all lies that we tell ourselves or somebody tells us. Number 3, tell someone you trust other than your parents that you're beginning the process. Do not share that you're doing this with your parents. It's not necessary. It could be very hurtful to them and triggering. And remember, your parents did the best they could with a level awareness, and they will become defensive if you talk about it. Reparenting is for you. So when I began the process, I shared with my partner at the time, and we— and, you know, he thought that was very interesting. So, or, you know, support is very helpful, but just someone you really trust. Not telling the whole world, please don't do it, because people will be like, oh yeah, I tried that, didn't work for me. Oh, I heard about so-and-so and they went blah blah, you know, here we go. We always tend to skew on the negative. That's the ego. Not today. Hey, not today. I believe, uh, someone I follow on YouTube had a shirt that said not today. I'm like, yeah, brilliant. Not today. Not going there. Not today. Catch yourself. Not today. Oh, hello, uh, Faisal. I am very well. Thank you for joining us. And number 4, use this mantra: What can I give myself right now? What can I give myself right now? What can I give myself right now? Share in the comments, even if you're on the replay. This is a mantra I use often. So as children, we weren't always given what we needed, and adults, we have an opportunity to give what we need. So if you feel yourself having strong emotions, ask the question, what can I give myself right now? Tune in, breathe, experience the joy of whatever comes forward. And sometimes— well, no, many times the answer for me is an Epsom salt bath. Other times it's throwing my phone away, turning it off completely, getting away from social media, getting into the sun for 15 minutes. It's a practice. And connecting with your intuition. Intimacy. Into me I see with clarity. If you stay committed, you will begin to get answers. Yes, you. And number 5, celebrate when you show up, because if we were not recognized or celebrated or appreciated or seen for the unique individuals that we are, we quickly disregard reality when we're showing up. We always celebrate, you know, oh my God, you know, I just bought a house, woo! How about, oh my God, I just quit the most soul-sucking job in the world? Yes, that's what we celebrate. I left a toxic relationship. Yes, I learned to love myself. Yes, because reparenting is difficult. It's soul work, and that's the work that we do in the Soul Healers community and with the Heart Led Soul Fed podcast. So acknowledge the courage it takes, own your progress, and celebrate the person you've become. And that's it, my friends. I want to keep this as short and sweet as possible. Please let me know if this resonated with you. Also, we still have, uh, entrance into, um, Intuition Purpose 1-year online course. Yes, it started October 5th, but you can catch up at any time because we have weekly coaching, and some of the stuff that comes up is pretty amazing. Um, and are you struggling with your health, thoughts, beliefs, purpose? Do you need help? Drop your questions, drop your Qs here, drop them here. Uh, I also wanted to share that, um, I'm holding an online mediumship party So I do those every 3 months. And yes, we had one on November 18th, but now we're having another one on the 25th. So, uh, the link and all that is on the website as well. Some more events. 2024 Dream Vision Map. This is the 4th annual. It, it is so much fun. Um, I, I can't wait to see everybody there. And, uh, get your tickets. Uh, they're limited to a few. I think it's like 11. I, I wanted to keep it small, um, because it's, it's a quite the experience of, uh, really unleashing your vision, your dreams, your magic, putting it on boards physically, virtually. I'll show you how to do all of that. So yeah, Thank you so much for being here. I'm sending you all sorts of love, and if you need more support, I have lots of resources available. Take care of yourself, and please remember, healing begins where the ego ends. Bye.