The Feminine Energy Secret Men Can't Resist in Dating

Welcome, beautiful souls, to Season 4 Heart Led Soul Fed Podcast. This is a show that explores how we spiritually and practically embody a life that's heart-led and soul-fed. Many of you know I went whole food plant-based almost a year and a half ago, and part of that is incorporating a strong, healthy mind, body, and soul. So upgrade your body with nutrient-dense supplements that are organic, non-GMO, and not tested on animals. Message me for your $25 gift card. Build your self-care kit with a dream journal I curated, gratitude journal, and of course my book Intuition Saved My Life, as well as other mindful products. You've tried everything to attract and keep the relationship you desire, but it still feels like nothing is working. Is that you? Today's guest is Nicole Haley, a dating and love coach, and we're going to talk more about the power of your feminine energy. Give me any highly sensitive woman who's 40+, who suffers regularly from anxiety, and within 60 minutes, give her peace and sanity back without losing her boundaries. Unleash Your Purpose is our 1-year transformational journey. Finish what your ancestors started. Unleash Your Magic is a fast-track 8-week group mentorship program. Starts September. Guess what? You're psychic, and I want you to learn how to open up your intuitive gifts. Stay up to date with our mentorships, events, classes, community, and retreats. Head on over to Christine J Gold. Replays can be found anywhere you watch your favorite videos or listen to your favorite podcast. Please like, subscribe, and follow, and join us live every Wednesday, 3 PM Mountain. And to find the latest and greatest events, happenings, contests, and more, check out my new website, Christine J Gold. Hello, hello, welcome everyone, come on in. Thanks for waiting, thank you for showing up wherever you are in the world. And let us know if you're joining live and where you're joining from, and even if you're on the replay. And if you have questions, please share them here. And enough about me, you know why you're here. We're here to lead a life that is heart-led and soul- fed, and it's incorporating mind, body, and spirit. And in fact, today when I was on a podcast, um, networking event, I said we need to start with spirituality first instead of going, oh yeah, I'm gonna try that spirituality thing. You need— we got it all backwards. Anyways, here we go. Hello, Nicole. Nicole Haley. Nicole talks love. Thank you so much for being here, and let us know where you are in the world.

Yeah, I am over in Vancouver, Canada, on that west coast side, so loving it so far.

Yeah, actually, I was born in New West, so I, I know the— I know the area quite well. And, uh, I'm bringing in the mountains here. I'm, I'm from Calgary for now, but pretty soon I will be off on another adventure. Yes. So come on in, everyone, say hello. And, you know, um, this really is about— I mean, we're really stepping into our feminine energy. We're healing the toxic masculinity. And I feel that, you know, obviously as women we have both, but as before the show, I was talking about how after we leave a relationship, and I'm not the only one, we become ultra independent. So did you want to talk a little bit about that first?

And yeah, yeah, I think a lot of times, um, when we've come out of a long-term committed relationship of any sort, whether it's marriage or just been together, we go into perhaps more of this healing energy and we resort back, we pull back, and sometimes we end up staying there as almost as a protective mechanism without even realizing it. And we become really self-sufficient. And I find a lot of women that come to me, they've really dialed in on how to get things done and how to take care of themselves. And they've learned to rely on themselves. And that could be from past experiences where they've been hurt or disappointed. Maybe they've been let down in the past. And so now they're like, oh, I don't want that feeling again. So I'm just going to do it myself. I'll just get that done or I'll just look after that. And so we end up creating almost like an unconscious barrier, a little bit of that, like you said, super reliant, super self-sufficient, independent, that kind of creates this barrier for others to be able to come in and to help us or even to receive their offerings. And a lot of it is that self-conscious protection we do without knowing it.

And I see that as a deflection. So when you're putting that out there, you're saying to someone, I don't need you. And then you're also saying, I can't meet anybody. And then there's that other one where they're all the same.

Yeah, for sure. All of that. But I think that you just said is it is a deflection, right? There's this part of us that deeply yearns to be in some kind of partnership whatever that might look like for somebody, where we feel aligned, we feel really seen, heard, acknowledged, really mutually met. However, we may have these barriers that we're uncomfortable with the very thing we want, or the very thing we want feels very vulnerable, or maybe we're not as in control and it's a little scary. And so we don't really allow ourselves that energy to bring in what we want because it is too uncomfortable. Too destabilizing. So yes, we create these barriers without realizing it.

And that's really— is that not based on, on old wounds and trauma, past, just living in that belief system that past experiences will hurt me?

Yes, absolutely. We do that for sure. And a lot of it is— can be from childhood, right? 0 to 7 is where we learn a lot of our imprinting of what we believe about love, what we believe about relationships, even what we view around feminine energy, what we witnessed with our primary caregiver, perhaps our mother, a grandmother, a relative. We learn a lot of things about love and about ourselves at that very young age. And then we also have other experiences that almost are confirmation biases. We start to create these beliefs and these experiences that start to become, see, that's true, that is real, that is what is happening. And then we create these experiences that continue that pattern. And so a lot of trauma, or even just experiences we've had that weren't pleasant, we want to avoid.

And looking for love in all the wrong places.

I remember that.

I do. Anyway, I laugh about it now. Before I was just— it was sad. It was like a— I'm sure we've all seen that movie just in another form, right?

Yes.

Yeah.

Or I also have a lot of women that have the belief, like, well, I thought it would just happen by now. It would just happen by now. So whether it's their first relationship that they're looking for to have a committed partnership to have children with, or they're looking for their second partnership to retire with. Sometimes as women, we just assume it should just happen. And we have that belief too, because everybody says, "You'll find it when you're not looking. It'll show up when you're not looking. It'll happen when you're not looking." And I really have a hard time with that. I actually think that's inaccurate, because we then put on this barrier— I don't know, I keep saying that word— but this block that we don't have to do anything to create love or to bring that in. And yet I believe that's not true. I really feel that we have to create this openness and this receptivity and this desire to draw in what we want. And like you mentioned a moment ago, it's like noticing what are we doing that's causing that block at that unconscious level? What are we deflecting from? And then also, when we have that idea that it just happens, the reason we say that is, is because we're not attached to the outcome. So there's a difference. When we desperately want something, we have a bit of this clinging energy. And so we cling to ideas and we cling to things that might actually not be a good fit, might not be aligned, might not really be who we are, or we lose our sense of self, we abandon ourselves, or we let go of our boundaries because we want something so bad. So there's truth that when we let that go and we're not looking for it, it's kind of a mixed thing. And so instead of not looking for it, we're just letting go of the attachment. We're letting go of the clingy energy and we're more open and receptive, but we're not making everything mean something or it has to go the distance. But we're just really open and present.

Or it's a Hallmark movie. Ah, no. Yes.

That's my other big beef. Yes. I think that's like the Walt Disney adult version of love. We get messed up on that. Right. We totally buy into these false beliefs of how love should be, where there is no work, there is no showing up or owning ourself. It just happens.

And I'm just going to get swept up. And I mean, my mom was such a romantic. She always said my, my knight in shining armor. And he's going to be a millionaire. I'm like, wow.

Right. And it's interesting. I love that you don't have to dive into it, but even that belief you learned at a very young age probably has influenced how you see love, how you see relationships, or how you see someone coming into your life where they maybe have to come in with big energy to prove themselves that they're going to rescue. Or maybe you have a rescuing energy, or maybe you need someone that you're like, well, that's too much energy. I don't want to be rescued. I don't want that big energy. It'd be fascinating to look at how that has influenced you in love.

Oh, absolutely. I know it's there. I mean, I— just funny, I always got the, you're so intimidating, but I'd throw it back and say, that's not— that's you, not me. Yeah, that's, you know, we're mirrors actually. So yeah, I do have— I know I have a very masculine side, but I also have a very feminine side. So if you're not in touch with one or the other, then it's going to come up.

Sure, absolutely. Let's define that first because sometimes people don't know what that means. So masculine and feminine energy— so masculine energy is the very much the doing energy. It's what gets stuff done, is what I like to say. It's very linear, it's focused, it's outcome-based. Where, like we said a moment ago, that cleaning energy can be a bit masculine, where we're like, it's gotta work out, I'm gonna make it happen. Uh, masculine energy is excellent when it's in like your business, your career, running a household. It really is organized and it's structural. The feminine energy is just as powerful, but we don't give enough energy to it or enough recognition for it. It's very much into the intuitive energy. It's very fluid. It's receiving. It's nurturing. It's caring. It's creative. It's got empathy. It really taps into the pleasure of things and the emotional aspect. And so these are really important things as well. But sometimes in our society, in our culture, we don't really give enough energy to it or enough importance. And so we tend to have this unbalanced of it, and yet we need both, like you said. And I always talk about how do you turn up the dial and turn it down? How do you turn up that masculine energy when you need to get things done at work? But how do you turn it down in your love life when you come home and you want to be in that partnership? How do we balance that energy? Because the balance and the polarity is essential. And like you mentioned, when we have drawing in, if we're really in our masculine energy, we will draw in the opposite. It's a natural way of energy works. It's like a magnet. When you have two of the same energies, they repel. So if a lot of women want someone to take the lead, a masculine man to make the decisions, have structure, organize things, but she's the one that's always doing it, that energy repels. So she may attract men that don't make a lot of decisions, that have a little bit of that weaker energy, is maybe a bit more emotional, tends to lean on her more because of the energy balance. So if that's not how she wants that relationship to go, she's got to learn how to turn down that masculine and turn up more of the feminine. In that partnership.

Yeah, no, and I'm glad you, you explained that. I, I definitely can see that. And, uh, I just wanted to welcome, uh, Gitte from, uh, Denmark. She's saying hello. Amazing, thanks for joining us. Yeah, don't, don't be shy, guys and, and gals, if you're here. And I also want to know, I mean, since we're talking There's got to be something that's come up for, for people. Are you single? Who here is single? Me. And I'm sure there's more. And who is happily taken? Because I know that there are people who are single that are happy, and then there's people who are single who are not, and then there's people who are happily taken, but then there's that they're just there because for financial reasons, for the children, for whatever ancestral contract you have.

Right.

Right. Yeah.

And I think what you're also being able to mention is like where we're at. Are we able to appreciate where we're at and want to be where we're at? I think sometimes we have this belief that we need to be in relationship. We tend to give a lot more importance to be in a relationship. Society kind of honors relationships when you're married or in a partnership. Like even if you go on a trip, like an all-inclusive trip, if you're solo, you pay more. Like, There's like the single tax, right? So we have this belief around being single is not as valuable. There's something wrong with us. If you're divorced, there's something wrong. And I think that's totally crazy because I think it forces people into relationships that aren't really a good fit, or we stay in relationships that aren't a good fit because we put way more emphasis on that than being single. And we devalue singleness. And I think there's such beauty in singleness. There's nothing wrong with that. As a society, we kind of shame it, and I think that's not very good.

No, it's not. I mean, we're— we don't need that. We're trying— we, we are healing shame and guilt and all of that right now and unwinding all of our beliefs as well. And I, I enjoy my own company.

I really do. Yeah, right. I think there's the beauty in both. Absolutely. And rather than trying to make one person be in something that they're not ready for or want to be in Right. And I think too, when we're single, we— there's a lot of pressure to be in a relationship. But I like what you just said, is that the more we enjoy our company, the more we can then bring that into a partnership if we choose. Right. As opposed to I don't like being alone or I don't like always being by myself. I need somebody. That needing energy again creates a bit of that masculine. I need that outcome. But it also creates that imbalance that I need someone in order to feel more fulfilled. Will never feel fulfilling because somebody else will never be able to meet our needs like we can for ourselves. And I think that's also a learning we get to look at and explore.

Yeah, I mean, it reminds me of people who've won massive jackpots. Yeah, like lottery. What— how did they go broke? Because they were already broken inside somewhere. That's why. Yeah, it's the same thing. I need a man. Why, why, why do you need a man? That's a very— I always ask why. Like, when I hear need, I'm like, uh, what are your needs and wants? I mean, that's really— and are you doing the work on yourself first? Because how can you be a partner for someone if you're terrible to yourself, if you're critical to yourself, if you're addicted, whatever it is, right?

Yeah, absolutely. There's that level of like self-autonomy, self-accountability, taking responsibility for ourselves. And our actions so that we can really show up in a relationship where we're meeting their needs as much as they're able to meet ours, for sure. And I think we forget that part. We put a lot of pressure on the other person to fulfill or meet those needs.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Uh, Agite, she's, she's funny. Single too for several years without living like a nun all the time. I love it.

That's a great way of putting it. That is super fun. I can already anticipate what that means. Love it. But yeah, there's a level of this being able to enjoy the life you're creating and then knowing that, yeah, you would like to share your life with somebody or share experiences, but it comes from a different energy as opposed to I need it. And like we mentioned in the very beginning of this session, we were talking about how we're overly ultra independent and we get to explore that as well. Why are we, why are we so ultra dependent? And am I open and comfortable to bring somebody in and share different aspects of my life with somebody? Where am I nervous? Where does that feel really uncomfortable? Some of my clients may say, well, I really love my independence because I love my own time. I don't want to have to share my time. I don't want to have to give up my meditations or my walks or my journal time or my time with my girlfriend. Like, they're nervous that they're gonna have to compromise something. And I say, okay, that's a really good insight. And what if we had boundaries? What if you're able to communicate what you need and want in a way that supports supportive, and you were able to meet someone who fully respects that. Because usually if we don't believe we can have it, we won't even let ourselves go there. So we don't believe someone's going to honor that we need our mornings to ourselves or that we need time with our girlfriends, then we're not even going to let ourselves date someone or enter the thought of that because we're like savoring this, we've got to protect this, as opposed to maybe it just needs a boundary conversation.

Yeah, boundaries are huge. I was listening to Dr. Mark Hyman's podcast about trauma I mean, you know, out of all the doctors in the world, this guy has done the work. I mean, he is so open about his everything, and, and for 62 or something, he looks amazing. I mean, he wrote— he's wrote— he wrote the book literally on longevity. But he was talking about, um, if somebody drops by unexpectedly, and they always do, yes, and you keep allowing it, he says you need to go, okay, no, I won't allow this, and please text me or call me before you show up at my door, or I won't answer it.

Mm-hmm.

And here's the thing, if you keep allowing it, it's just going to keep happening.

Sure. And I think sometimes that I've witnessed with women is we're really uncomfortable making someone else feel uncomfortable.

Mm.

So we won't express ourselves. We won't communicate what we need because we can be really sensitive. We can be quite receptive of other people's energy or feelings. And so we can anticipate their discomfort, their disapproval. Disapproval, they're, um, disgruntled about something. And so in order to avoid that energy we're going to feel, we may not actually communicate what we need. And so learning to be okay with someone else's discomfort and not shrink or contract just because of their discomfort— can we learn to hold space? Can we regulate our nervous system, our emotional energy, to hold that discomfort because we're honoring what we need? And that's a practice.

Yes.

And that is really a stretch because then it's giving ourselves permission to want what we want, be able to communicate it, and know that it's not always going to be received well, but that's okay.

Mm-hmm. And since we're talking about the power of your feminine energy, what, I guess, what are some tips or what are you seeing out there right now with your clients?

Yeah. Like we're saying, feminine energy is really powerful, but a lot of times we don't know how to dial that energy up. We don't know how to tune into it. And there's quite a few things we can do to access it. So some of it can be as simple as going out into nature, like Mother Earth, that nature, whether it's putting your feet on the grass and the sand, in some water. Being in that energy can help bring you back to yourself. And that's really what we're doing when you're tapping into your feminine energy. You're tapping back into your power source. You're tapping back into that divine energy within you. And a lot of times we have busy energy. It's the doing energy that removes us from just being with ourselves. And so the practice is finding what are the ways that I can tap into just connecting with myself Is it through journaling? Is it through meditating? Is it just taking 5 breaths? Is it learning to, like, even just sensing things? So you can use the 5 senses as another way of being able to access back into your body. So if you're drinking your favorite coffee in the morning or tea, holding that mug and feeling the hot mug or the taste of it going down your throat while you're drinking it and just like, ah, and just that simple practice of using your 5 senses, the smell, the touch, the taste, brings you back into the present, moment, brings you back into your body. And that's where the power is, is back into being able to feel into your intuition or your knowing. And it's noticing when we're too busy in our head, when we're worrying, when we're anxious, when we're doing that, we get to shift back into it. The other thing to think about is pleasure. Feminine energy is a lot about pleasure. And a lot of times when we're in that masculine energy, there's no space for pleasure because everything has a reason and a purpose and it's very structured. And I've seen it, like, women walking down the street, like, she's not enjoying the scenery. She's like, I gotta get to Urban Fare, I gotta get the grocery store, I gotta get this. So she's so focused on what she's doing, she's missing the environment around her. So it's literally slowing down, breathing, looking around, enjoying what you see can also be part of that. And then having fun with it. Is it buying yourself some flowers that day just because? Is it doing some window shopping and touching some textured items that you love? Is it smelling something, buying a beautiful scent like an essential oil or a candle. It's these little things that we don't— we kind of take like whatever, it's not a big deal, but it actually is because it really brings us back into that moment of being present and allowing ourselves more pleasure. And so ask yourself, where, where could I have more fun? Where could I have more pleasure in my life? Where could I enjoy myself more and start shifting and making a little bit of space for that?

Yeah, I love that. I mean, I was thinking about dancing or singing or creating, like, you know, if you're a painter, you're an artist, whatever that your, your muse is, tap into your inner muse.

Yes, I love it. Absolutely. I love that you bring up dancing. Like, that's such a great one because women are great at getting into their bodies if they allow themselves, right? They allow themselves that space. So whether you create a playlist, I have a lot of my clients before they go on dates, dates to have, I say, like going out music. And it's a playlist that they've created that gets them into their body, that makes them feel good. So whether it's on their drive to meet somebody, if they're on transit or walking, if they play a couple songs, they start to get into their body and they start to loosen up, and they're starting to be out of overanalyzing and worrying, more into the relaxation of having fun. And that's the energy we want to present with whoever we're dating, whether it's the same sex or the opposite sex, is people want to be with energy that feels good. And so when we're fully anxious or nervous, it's kind of jarring energy and it can destabilize somebody else. So the more we allow ourselves to have fun and be in that space, the other person is going to feel it and they're going to want to be around us. They're going to enjoy it with us as well. So it's figuring out what are those little things we can do that get us in that feeling.

Yeah, it's a state of mind, literally. And you can flip the switch anytime. When I'm outside, my head's on a swivel.

Yeah.

I'm looking at the bird. I mean, just a minute ago, the squirrel was climbing down the tree. I just, I noticed those things where, as you said, the woman going to the grocery store. I see it all the time. Yeah, you just get out of their way, it's a bullet train.

Um, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I think too, a lot of people come to me like, where do we meet these people then? How do we—

ah, yes, where do we meet those people with online dating and all those interesting stories and those made-for-Netflix shows? Yeah, totally.

Yeah, absolutely. I think online dating has its place, but I don't think it's the only place to meet people. And so again, if you're in that feminine energy, you're enjoying the moment, a key thing is, is eye contact and smiling. And a lot of times we're forgetting the very basic— we're so much on our phone, heads down, or earbuds in— that that's kind of an instant don't talk to me. It's the subtle clue of like, I'm not interested. And so it's learning to make space to actually not to be on that phone or in your headset. So I have clients that if they're going to go to a networking event or a meeting or the meet with a girlfriend, show up 10, 15 minutes earlier and sit there and feel the discomfort and then slowly breathe into it and make eye contact, smile, observe, look at the scenery, look at the decor so that it starts to show that you're open and receptive, you're willing, you may be open to a conversation. And the more we do it, the easier it actually becomes and we don't feel so awkward. But of course in the beginning it will. And are you willing to push through that to be able to have a conversation?

Yeah. And it's just a conversation with another soul, another person, whether it's your life mate or not. It doesn't, it doesn't matter. We're, we're, we are hardwired for connection.

Yes. So true. So true. Yes. And I think it's learning that and being okay with that too. Right. And knowing like it's okay to want somebody in my life. Life. It's okay to desire shared experiences, and it's okay to want to create that. So the question is, is you could always ask yourself, but why am I not? Or what's the resistance? Or where am I holding back from that? So a lot of the work I do with my clients is really uncovering like, what are some of those blocks we have to allowing ourselves to bring in somebody into our life or to create that kind of partnership?

I want to talk about red flags because I'll hear 'Oh, you know, I thought he was such a nice guy and then he turned out he wasn't,' or 'I noticed something but I didn't— I just dismissed it,' or 'I could fix him or her.' Do you hear that a lot?

Yes, those are all many hot topics actually. So we'll start with the 'I noticed something,' right? A lot of times we feel something in our bodies when you start tuning in and you get really clear on what you want and what you don't want, what's really important to you, your desires, your emotional needs, your relationship goals, all of these you start to get really clear. And when we meet someone that feels off, many times we'll be like, hmm, I'm not sure. And a lot of times we can either say, I need more information, something feels off, but I need to clarify more, so I'm going to ask more questions. A lot of people don't do that. They'll either end it completely off that instant feeling, or they'll deny the feeling and kind of ignore it and just keep going. And so I think the key is noticing what we feel. Does my stomach feel off? Did I have a twinge of like, hmm, that didn't make sense. Hmm, that reminds me of, right? And those are great moments. The moment you feel that, that's your opportunity to ask more questions, get more information, ask a client clarifying question rather than assuming something, rather than assuming the worst and ending it. We just want to be curious. And the more curious you are, the more you'll know whether this is a good fit or not for you. Are they aligned? But when we ignore it or we pretend it's not that big of a deal, or I think I'm just making it up in my head, or I'm overreacting, or so-and-so said it's not a big deal, we're denying ourselves. And the more we do that, the more we lose trust in ourselves, the more we self-abandon what's important to us. And that's why it's hard to trust and put ourselves out there, is because we've lost the trust of being able to identify someone who's a good fit for us. So we really need to retrain ourselves, be more in tuned again, and ask more questions to see if this is really a good person for us. Maybe he's a great person but not a good fit for who we are, what we want, and that's totally okay too. And that could be a red flag, not a dangerous red flag, but a red flag that we're not aligned.

Yeah, like you see people that are dating and then all of a sudden they find out one wants children and one doesn't.

Yeah, sure, absolutely.

When should you have that? Should you ask that— those questions on the first date?

Uh, you could in the first. You could also definitely by the second. The first day is like, do I enjoy being around this person's energy? Can I enjoy this to start with? And then usually by second date, you're asking those bigger questions to know how you want to invest in, right? Whether it's children or Retirement plans. It depends what stage of life you're in, you're gonna ask different questions. But again, it goes back to your values, your relationship goals, your emotional needs. What's important to you will determine the kind of questions you ask. It'll determine what you're looking for and what you're looking for in that person. When we look at red flags, there's lots of basic red flags people are gonna be aware of, but I think it's more about tuning into what feels off for us. And following that and asking more questions and setting boundaries or some guidelines of how you want to be treated. And are they able to respect that? That is key. Because if they can't, then that's not going to be a good fit long term. So I think tuning in, because I could list a whole bunch of stuff and someone might be like, well, I dated someone with that and that didn't bother me. Like, red flags can be very personalized as well, but it's deeper knowing of following what feels good for us. And then asking more.

Yeah, and I think that's— well, I know that's why I do, you know, uh, intuition development and help others lean into their intuitive. Yeah, everybody is intuitive. It's just a muscle you develop. And that's why I do courses and mentorships about it, because the more attuned you are to yourself, the more you're gonna spot it. Take right away and don't dismiss it and step into your feminine power.

Yes. And ask those questions. Make those questions happen. Ask the clarifying questions. And again, to be able to ask those questions, we have to be okay with the discomfort that that answer might not be what I wanted to hear. Oh, you really value that?

Yeah, but it's their truth.

Yes.

Right. We have to respect it whether it doesn't. Yes. And another thing is You know, don't go looking for ways to be offended. Wayne Dyer, you know, famously coined that. Like, don't be looking. I know there's a lot of people out there that are like, well, if they're not this, this, and this, I'm out. Or if they don't believe in what I believe, I'm going to attack them.

Ah, right, right. And that doesn't work well either.

Right.

I think it's important to know I have a lot of my clients, we go through a whole process of figuring out what your top values are and relationship needs. We look at your top must-haves and there's a list of 10 things that are really important. Then there's the like-to-haves. I'd like this, I like that, but if they don't have that, I'd still want to get to know them.

Like more of the tall, dark, and handsome. Yeah, yeah, I get it.

And then there's some real essential things, like if family or children is really important, that's like a top list, or if traveling, or whatever those top things are. Sure, but we tend to put everything as a must-have, and we then become quite I don't want to say my clients are picky, they're selective, but I want to make sure they're selective for the right things for long-term compatibility. And they're not using that selective or filtering to miss out on opportunities out of fear, out of being vulnerable, being uncomfortable, not knowing how to set a boundary. We want to make sure we're filtering for the right way, the right reason, not out of fear.

Yeah. I found you on 90.3 AM radio in Calgary, and I can't remember what people were— I think, I think— no, I don't know what the conversation was, but I do remember one conversation on there that they were talking about, about how the girl, this girl was looking to make a lot of money over the summer, and she landed a job as a bartender during the Stampede. And it really upset her boyfriend because his— her boyfriend knew that she would be scantily dressed, and that triggered something in him. Yeah, yeah, yes.

So are you asking like how to handle that?

Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, I know what the answer is, but you, you go for it.

Oh, I would love to know what's your answer. Let's hear your— this is good.

It's him, because it's— he looks at women that way. He objectifies them, and maybe he's even crossed the line.

Yeah, yeah. And I also think there's a level of like her being able to articulate why this is important to her, what she's going to get out of it, what she needs from it, and then having the conversation where they're going to meet in the middle, right? Because I think as soon as we allow someone to tell us no or yes, we lose our own self-autonomy, our own sovereignty. And yet in a relationship, there's still a level of how do we make this work for both of us. And so there's that middle line. So maybe he drops off or picks her up so that she— he knows she's safe, right? Is it a safety thing? Is it that he's worried that at evening as it gets more rowdy, it could be more dangerous?

Great.

Well, let's figure that out if that's the concern, right? So you're figuring out what's actually at the undercause. Like you said, is it really more of his stuff or is there a safety thing? And then you can then figure out what's going to best fit for people. But yeah, I think knowing, conversations, communication.

Yeah. Just asking like, where are Where did that come from? Why do you believe that? What makes you uncomfortable? Yeah, yeah.

What makes you uncomfortable about it? What would you need in order for you not to feel uncomfortable? And then—

and do you not trust me? That's another one. Do you not trust yourself?

There's lots of layers.

Yeah.

And everybody's so different, and I think it's being able to navigate that with curiosity.

Yeah, just like a child. A child— I don't know, I remember my boys would ask why. I don't know how many times times in a day. Why, why, why? And you're just like, oh my goodness, okay. But I love that. But at the time it was annoying. Sure. But I, I get it, they, they want to know. And then as we get older, we somehow just go along with everything. We kind of betray ourselves too.

Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Yes. And the other thing, just reading this comment I think I'm getting it, Greta. I have loved deeply twice and felt right away the first meeting. Yeah, that's—

yeah, love at first sight.

Could be that. A lot of times when we have that, there is something that triggers inside us that we connect to. And when that happens, there could be a lot of reasons to it, but what we want to be aware of is how to slow down to be able to observe. So we might have that instant spark, we might have this great connection,. And then we need a bit of space. It's called dating pacing because when you're dating and pacing, you're really observing of this person. How do they show up? Is it beyond just this lust, this attraction? And are their words and actions matching their behavior and what I desire in a more long-term consistency? Because sometimes when we fall quickly for somebody, those hormones get flooded. We're flooded with oxytocin, we're flooded with all this excitement. It's sometimes when we miss red flags. And what I mean by missing stuff, we override these feelings of uncertainty, or we're so flooded we actually don't even notice that there could be a red flag or something's off because we're so flooded with these hormones. And slowing down allows us to be able to really see somebody for who they are, and are we actually compatible, and is there enough consistency in their behavior and actions and words?

Oh yeah. And I mean, there— a lot of times it could be just sex, purely sexual, or we have a twin flame, or Yeah, and that can be okay too if that's what we're looking for.

Amazing. If we're looking for something more long-term, then we have to really use more discernment. Do I want more here? If this is purely sexual, amazing. Set your boundaries, set your parameters, what you need to support yourself for that. But don't confuse the two. I'm okay with this sexual casual thing when I really want long-term. I'm hoping it'll get there. I'm hoping eventually go there. That doesn't work. We need to be very clear in the beginning for ourselves to define it so that we're not hurt trying to make it be something it may not ever get to.

Yeah, I just keep thinking of movies, you know, like women equate sex with love many times.

Sure, absolutely. It's not unusual. No, sure, absolutely. And what we're looking for it— and we also too, I think women, we get really caught up in words. So women are audible. So if you think about it, men are very visual. That's why they have the magazines. They're very visual in video. And so forth. Wimmerable. How many books do you see? Fifty Shades of Shay, right? Of Shay, Grey, is the idea we read, we listen, so we create imagery in our mind. So when a man tells us something, we're already painting a picture of what that future will be like. We're already 10 weeks, 10 months, 10 years down the road because of what he says. And sometimes we then assume what he said is going to happen. But what we need to recognize is we have to actually lean back and observe, does those actions follow through? Because in our mind, we're hearing it like it's truth.

Yeah.

And that's not always the case because men talk out their thoughts, they talk out their feelings, but they're not talking to confirm and they're not talking to necessarily lead us on. It's how they process.

Yeah.

Because of how we hear it, we hear it as actual facts. And so we can have a real jarring reality when we feel really hurt because it hasn't lined up and we felt that they were leading us on when in fact they probably were just talking their thoughts out.

Exactly. You know, men are from Mars, women are from Venus. It really is a different, like, a love language. There's that as well.

Yes.

Um, I just want to address— hi, Brandy, so nice to see you. She's saying hello. So let us know if you have any questions, whether we're live or it's on the replay, about, you know, relationships, you know, dating. Do you have any questions, um, that— or you need answers to, I guess, right? Great. So what, as we're going to wrap this up, I always ask my guests two questions. What does magic mean to you?

Oh, that's a good question. I didn't even think that was on one of the questions you asked me earlier, and I was stuck. So I've had to think about it.

It's all good. First thing that comes to you.

I think magic is like the synchronicity moments.

Moments.

And so I love the idea of looking for magic daily. And what I think about that is like, what do I really desire, and can I look to see if I can find it happening around me? And so I think magic is the energy we create, the intention, and then looking for it to support us and seeing the universe provide it for us. So for example, it was raining and I was like, oh, I would love a cab to drive down the street right now. I'm looking for a cab. There's gonna be magic today. And sure enough, like 3 blocks later, I see this yellow cab. I'm like, Yes, there it is! There's the magic. And so it's like looking for these moments to feel supported. So my mind was training that there's magic all around me, I just have to look for it.

And see, yeah, yeah, you just put it out there, ask and you shall receive. It's that, that's how manifestation works. Um, and, uh, the second question I have is, how can we as a collective energy make your— and I call call it my Moby Dick, your big whale of a dream come true.

So how can I make that happen?

How— no, how can we help you? What's your big— oh, what's your Moby Dick? What's your big whale?

Oh gosh, these are big questions. I feel like throwing you off, off space. Um, what do I love? I would love— I'm really passionate about women finding their value and their confidence and being unapologetic. You might have heard in some of the way I speak. So I think it's just being able to share more of helping women really know that they have value and that it's okay to step into that and own it. So I think that's my big vision, is just opportunities like I'm doing right now, sharing this and being able to connect with other amazing women, people that are on this path to empowering others. I love it.

Love that. And we have one question that kind of snuck in.

I love it.

You'd want to address— uh, Brandy's asking, I'm with a soulmate karmic 'Always been a good friend. How do I break it without hurting him? But he is draining me.' That's a good one.

So when I think of soulmate karmic, I'm assuming you're in a relationship. Is that what that would mean?

I'm thinking it's more like a— they've been in past lives together, they've been kind of off and on.

Okay. Yeah, I don't necessarily have that term, but what I am hearing is that there's some energy leaks And so there is a level of maybe a little— yes, okay, there's a little bit of some— maybe codependency can happen in that where there's a lot of leaning into somebody and they require a lot and that other person can't keep supporting them. And so it can be very draining. So, okay, so yes to the idea that it's on and off again, maybe.

Yeah, on and off, like a past life, like a twin flame, and twin flame is— can be platonic or romantic.

Yeah, for sure. So I think it's noticing ourselves. What do we need in this relationship first? So really defining that. This is draining me because if I had a magic wand, what would I want to change? And how do I need it to change to feel good, to feel supported, to feel rejuvenated? Do I need complete completion with this person? Do I need it to end? Do I need to redesign how we interact with each other? Do I need to redesign redesign the level of interactions we have. Really first define what do you need first is the big piece. From there, then you can start looking at how do I articulate that to that person. So let's say it's you just need more space from them, less time together. So you may start saying, um, and setting the boundaries around it. She needs to end it. Okay, great, this is good. Lots coming in. So if it's a completion, then you're really looking that what you need and what they need may be completely different. And sometimes that other person may not fully understand why it's ending, how come it's ending, because in their world they see it a different way. They get something different from this relationship. And a lot of times, if we go back to that conversation, a lot of times us women can feel someone else's discomfort, pain, um, hurt so strongly that we don't want them to feel it, that we will shrink back and not do what we need to do because we can anticipate what they're going to feel. And so journey you get to do is being able to hold that discomfort and knowing that they're going to have to go on their own soul journey and explore their own healing. And that's okay if it doesn't feel good, but to not shrink back from what you need. Is this easy?

No.

Is it going to be super uncomfortable? Yes. And it still needs to be done if you really feel that this is the right path. A lot of times we will stall, procrastinate, because we know the decision we're going to make is going to be really hard for that other person. I really believe, though, that if you're doing what's best for you, it'll be best for them, even if they might not see it, even if you're not sure, because you're following what intuitively is right for you. And that person's on their own soul journey to navigate what this feels like, what it looks like for them. And sometimes a breakdown could be someone's biggest breakthrough. It could be their own path, their own journey of exploring something different. The other piece you want to look at is no matter what we're doing, we don't get to control how someone feels. And so if we're holding back because you don't want to hurt them, sometimes that can be hurting them without realizing it. But we aren't able to control someone else's response, no matter how you do it, no matter whether it's through a letter, in person, however it is, we aren't able to control their reaction. And so we have to trust that they're going to navigate it how they're going to, and it's not your responsibility. You can only do what's kind and fair in that conversation, but following what you need as Yeah, no, that's—

yeah, beautifully said. I, I just— I'm just keep hearing self-love, self-care.

Yeah, big time.

And you need to start taking back because you've been— it's been taking from you. So now it's time to recalibrate, recalibrate.

And it'll be a journey because— oh yeah, feel that and feel their stuff. That's where the energy leaks because we want to care for them so much and we don't want be in pain. And so it's knowing that it's okay that they're going to be on this journey themselves as well.

Yeah, beautiful. He's a fellow empath, so I understand the, the struggle of an empath. I get it. It's hard. It's really hard because you want to— you're— you come into this life to help others, to alleviate their pain, but at the same time you end up being a wounded healer and you're taking it on.

Totally. Yeah, absolutely. And so I think I like what you said, Christine. It's going to be a lot of self-care after too, um, and a lot of boundaries. Probably like very firm and gentle might be what you go through. Like firm but gentle, how you express it. It's very firm but it's gentle. And firm isn't holding your truth because sometimes we can get pulled back in when we feel their pain.

Yeah, watch the repeat offenders. If you've said no and they come back, say it again. And if they come back, you got your answer. We're done. And I hate to say this, but family is the biggest repeat offenders.

Yes, they're, they're learners, so they're just here to teach us something, that's all.

Um, so good luck with that, Brandy. And, and thank you, Nicole, for all your beautiful energy, your beautiful, uh, conversation, advice. And if people want to get a hold of you, I have left all the links as well. I've left— there's a free gift that you're giving to anyone that joins us today and in the future as well. And, and we can find you through social media at Nicole Talks Love.

Yeah, everywhere is exactly it. And the gift that I've got is How to Be Irresistible. So it's really tapping more into that feminine energy. There's some real practical tools in there, ways to dial it up, dial it down. How to interact with that romantically and just in your personal life as well.

I love that. Well, thank you so much. Thank you everyone for joining us wherever you are in the world. And if you really love this, please like, subscribe, share, follow, and rate and review so more people can find this beautiful and, I mean, very transformational, inspirational conversation about the power of our feminine energy.

Love it.

Thank you so much. Take Take care. All right guys, uh, thank you again, uh, for everything here. And I'm just— hold on here, I'm having a little bit of fun with the solo layout. Let's try this again, uh, doing the show on my own. My goodness, one day I'm gonna have a team. I am dropping this here on your lap. This will give you an idea of where I'm going to be in the next month. I am, uh, co-creating a dream oracle retreat in Mystical Nova Scotia with Jenny and Seth from the dynamic duo on YouTube called Dynasty Electric. Go check them out. It is going to be mid-October. There'll be more details coming, and there's only 8 spots available. It's a, a 3-day, um, retreat. So I hope to see you there. I'm sending you all so much love, please remember, take care of yourselves and let us be your soft landing. Sending lots of love.

Take care.

Do you feel stuck? Are you in pain? Are you looking to create your soul's purpose but you don't know where to start? Unleash Your Soul's Purpose Mentorship. Hi, my name is Christine J Gold, and I'm the founder of 24 Karat Healing. The highly experimental mentorship will help you discover your gifts, free them, and shine your inner light to spread unconditional love, unleashing your magic and your gifts and ultimately your purpose. You will experience phenomenal breakthroughs, aha moments, epiphanies, energy healing, clearings, inner child work, higher intuition, vivid dream recall. All training slides, PDFs, and audio meditations are recorded and available for you to watch at any time. You can take them with you wherever you go. I hope to see you soon.