The Power of Kristal Garcia! Freedom through Self Love Activism!

Hello empowered empaths, this is The Power of Healing Your Energy show. This is all about your unconditional love, your light, your intuition, your soul's purpose. And depression and anxiety are a side effect of not living intuitively, not trusting your gut, the lost connections with your higher self and others. Guess what? Your soul's purpose is here. Welcome everyone to the show. This is season 2, episode 2. I'm all about the twos. Twos are pretty magical. And this is a beautiful, strong, vivacious, magical guest, Crystal Garcia. Crystal Denise Garcia, to be, uh, to be correct. And we're talking about freedom through self-love activism. And Crystal Denise Garcia is a human rights advocate of 20 years, transformational speaker, founder of Open Hearts Unite. And that's a conversation which promotes unity, sovereignty, freedom through self-love activism. And she also has a podcast called The Vivifier, and that focuses on Black sovereignty, faith, and love. And of course, I left all the links below if you'd like to reach out and speak with Crystal. I know I have, and I'm sure we'll be speaking throughout the years. Because the stuff that she talks about, it really resonates and it's important. So welcome to the show, Crystal. Thank you so much for being here.

Hi, Christine. Thank you so much for having me. It's an honor to be here.

Wonderful. And, you know, I guess when I heard, when I heard the name Vivifier, me, like I said, you guys know that I love to rabbit hole stuff. So I'm like, well, what does Vivifier mean? And, you know, it just says bring life, bringing life. Would that be a good example? Why did you choose the name Vivifier?

Yes, that's exactly why. It's all about bringing that spark and sparking exactly the fire, the life, and bringing that aliveness forward. So yes, that's, that's definitely why I chose it.

I love that because you just— people just don't throw that into everyday conversation. I feel vivified.

Yeah, like, what do you mean? I love that you looked into it. That's, that's really cool. Yeah, that's just me.

Yeah, I'm curious like a cat. I just gotta know.

I love it. That's aliveness with curiosity, so that's great.

Yeah, so you— and what I love is you're a self-love activist, um, all about human rights. Um, you were even seen on MSNBC Today show, The Red Pill. Now, what The Red Pill— I looked into it, but how did you get involved into that documentary, which is basically looking at the, you know, the unique issues that affect men?

Yeah, so I have— I've been a human rights advocate for a very, very long time, and so one of the things I started to explore in my own personal journey is I talk about also loving and celebrating men you know, as my journey into recovery as a Me Too survivor, I started to challenge my perception of men. And I was very aware of the conversations that were being had of men generally in society. And so I really started to explore. I started, I started with the conversation and I, I started to look up like, oh, you know, loving and celebrating men. And the only things that would show up is like how men can love and celebrate women, you know, or, you know, it would go just the complete opposite way, you know, and like I'd look up loving men and it was like pornography. And I'm like, oh my God, like there was really, it was just nothing, you know. And so I really started to go deeper into that and it really challenged me because I had to learn how to listen to men in a way that I wasn't used to. And so I even found it very challenging at first. And, you know, I realized my like bad habits that I had in perceiving men because of everything that happened to me, projecting it onto half of the planet. And so I just had this, you know, this unmet pain which turned into unmet rage. And, you know, embarrassed to say, I hated men for a while. And then when I started to look into the loving and celebrating men, there was still a lot of unconsciousness there for me. And I still keep an eye out because I don't think that, you know, a few years is going to completely show me all of my unconsciousness about things. But I had to learn how to be humble and listen to actually hear, you know, these male survivors that were were speaking up and the victims that were speaking up as well. And just listening to men in general, I realized that I was listening, waiting for them to be quiet so I could tell them how wrong they were. And that's not really listening, you know, it's more just reacting. So I, in this journey, I, I came across the conversation of men's human rights issues. And within that, I, you know, I found myself at the first conference of men's issues, and I met Cassie J there, who, she is amazing, and she's a creator and producer of The Red Pill, the documentary. And so I was interviewed in that documentary, and it's a really powerful experience. I feel like it's a very revolutionary movie. It's met— it's been met with a lot of resistance because of the massive blind spot we have on men's issues. So we don't really— in general, in society, there, there's a, a lot of blind spot when it comes to men's issues.

Absolutely. And Um, you know, part— like, some of the stats— I mean, I'm aware of the stats, but, you know, men are 3.5 times more often than women to die by suicide. So that's 73%.

And I—

this is important too— 1 in 6 men have been sexually abused or assaulted. And, you know, just, just listening. And then, you know, the workplace deaths, 93% are men. You know, some of the stats for me were like, wow, okay. I kind of feel in a way that we'll pick a topic and then we just focus and dissect it and we forget about everything else around it. It's almost like we have blinders. We don't see perspective from all sides.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And yeah, and we still have it. Like, it's almost like there's this— there's a conflation between maleness and criminality. That's been my experience and how I've seen the conversations. It's just like the automatic assumed is maleness is criminal behavior. If there's a male there, there's going to be crime. And there's also— there hasn't been much of the conversation of female abusers towards men. And as it's— I think it's Slate, and I can actually send you the link to this too— but 46% or 47% of men who were raped were sexually abused were, uh, it was from women. And we don't talk about this. We actually scoff at this in society. We laugh at it. People like, how could men have— be raped? They get an erection. Well, friction does not equate to consent. And, you know, just as there are women who have— who orgasm when they're raped, it's not because they're enjoying rape. It's because it's friction. You can't help what the body does. And it's actually created a lot of confusion for women where they, they were confused. Was, you know, they're violently raped and this happened and they're left feeling something's wrong with them, but it's not. You can't help what happens to the body when there's friction.

So absolutely, yeah, there just seems to be, you know, a lot of, yeah, misinformation and judgment and not, you know, saying, you know, holding space for someone and saying tell me more. I, you know, I might not understand, but I'm trying to build a bridge here. And there was a powerful statement in that where the lady at the end said, we're not blaming men, we just, you know, named everything bad after them. Right, right, right.

Yeah. And even the way we talk about masculinity, that's supposedly the essence of maleness, you know. And, and yes, there's a shadow side to everything, but when we I, I don't personally like the terms toxic, but if we're going to have a conversation of toxicity, it has to be across the board. Otherwise, we're not really having a conversation about toxicity. We are shaming men. Like, we don't talk about toxic femininity. We don't talk about— which, again, I don't like that term, but, you know, just to put it out there— we don't talk about the shadow feminine. We just talk about the shadow masculine. But we also don't acknowledge the beauty of masculinity. You know, a lot of what's been called toxic masculinity is a lot of the things throughout the centuries that men had put aside to go to war, to sustain society, etc. And then now needs, you know, is working into being transformed. But there's also, since the beginning of time, have been just, you know, very tender-hearted men and just very loving men since the beginning of time. And even those men who have come off as, you know, toxic, you know, and stuff like that, there's something deeper that's going on there. And as a society, we've, we've demanded men put aside their emotions, their feelings, and all of that stuff to protect and go to war. So it's— there's, there's a lot of nuanceness that I think needs to be, uh, looked into, including the, the, the experience and love of masculinity. Because, and of course I'm speaking in general terms, but we know men as the protector, or that's the title men have had for generations, for centuries. However, like, if we look deeper into that, in order to protect, there must be a deep desire to nurture. And in order to nurture, that takes a deep tenderness. So there is this absolute deep tenderness in men that's often not seen, or, or not, not seen— we see it, we just don't acknowledge it. Or, or as a society, we even shame it ourselves and then contribute to the very toxic masculinity that we say We don't want. And then there's also the people like men don't really talk about their feelings. Okay, well, there's been many reasons where they weren't allowed to. But how many times when men actually speak up about their feelings are we listening?

Absolutely. And actually feeling like we're being heard again with no judgment. That's the part when you're vulnerable and you're afraid of judgment. And I love that you're doing this. Um, maybe tell a little bit about your past and why you're doing this. I mean, there were— you went through a lot from what I, from what I've read.

It's, it's been quite a journey for sure. I, you know, it's, it started with— I, I had a very traumatic childhood and I, and I was molested at age 8. And I mean, I grew up with my mom, bless her heart, through no fault of her own, she just had a very hard time being able to stay on her medication. She was schizophrenic and bipolar. And so that meant I was kind of not really having— just kind of being placed in different areas of the family so people can take care of me. And at some point was— became a foster care child with family member, and then in different foster care homes as a teenager. And So it was— there was a lot there. And I spent, uh, I, you know, was in covert sex trafficking, which is incorrectly called the sex industry. And so, you know, I had pimps. I had— or they call it escorting, there's no such thing. Uh, and then I was a stripper, so they, so they call it. Um, strip club owners are pimps again. And then I was also a professional dominatrix. So I have had, you know, I, I have complex PTSD because of a lifetime of all of this stuff. However, I am able to, you know, I, for the first time in my life, I feel safe, which is wonderful. And I'm able to celebrate my life now, which to me felt like a fantasy, you know, like coming from that darkness. I, you know, I would see people. This is why I feel it's so important for people to live their authentic joy because that is what supported me believing it was possible, even if it was just a sliver, even if it— I— even if I didn't fully really believe it. But it was something that I wanted to experience. It's something I wanted to feel and live. And because I saw it exist, I was at least able to have what began as a, I wish, I wish that's what my life looked like. I wish I felt that way. And so It's so, you know, and a lot of people don't realize that just being themselves, they might have inspired someone to pull out of the dregs of their life and seek out that being.

Absolutely. Yeah. And belief is halfway there. Yeah, halfway there. That's how I see it. Belief and then hope and then faith. I, um, and, and I like that there was a— well, quote from your website, um, how you were talking about, you know, uh, joy and all that was unattainable, like it was a fantasy. And I could actually see you like a child with her nose pressed against the Christmas window, witnessing magic beyond my grasp.

Yeah, that's exactly what it felt like. It really felt like that. Thank you. Yeah, it really felt like that. It just was like watching something so beautiful that I could not possibly see, I didn't have the self-love to see that I could have that. So to me, it's like, wow, that's so beautiful. I'm not that, but I wish I could be something like that. I wish I could feel something like that.

So yeah, you already are.

Yes. Thank you.

So what does self-love mean to you then?

So self-love is really taking the time to experience my own being. You know, and it took me a long time to really be at the place where I, I can really love myself and experience the, the sweetness of my being. You know, I start to recognize, you know, I really want something sweet. Like, do I really want candy or do I just want my own being? And so for me, self-love is like slowing down, taking the time, putting in the self-care, because self-love takes that prioritizing of self and the acknowledgement of, yes, I am worth taking maybe, what, 5 minutes to just rest or, or put on a candle or redecorate the home or whatever, you know. And so self-love to me is the root and the foundation of being able to allow the self-care, to allow the presence of my own being, to take the time to meditate, to take the time to enjoy myself, to acknowledge myself, and to really be present with who I am and to challenge the stories that have been placed onto me or the lies that I thought. It finally came to a point where I could start to really be like, that's not true. I'm having a hard time. I could be experiencing or mourning or dealing with what I'm dealing with. And then when certain you know, experiences come up, I allow myself to feel all of it. And then later I just look at it and I'm like, is that really? And I'm like, no, you know, if it's not love, it's not real. And it doesn't mean that I don't self— I don't look at myself. I absolutely do, you know. And if there's anything I need to work on, great. But that doesn't require self-loathing. And I spent a lifetime in self-loathing and it feels so amazing to, you know, that was a lifestyle. Self-loathing had become a lifestyle for me. So to completely shift that lifestyle to the complete opposite end of the spectrum, and now self-love is my lifestyle, it's, it's incredible. I'm living the life that I always thought was— I'm experiencing life in the way I always thought was a fantasy. So it's really great. It's possible. So great.

Yeah, no more imposter syndrome. I mean, or victimhood or victim mentality. I know it's something that we all have to go through, but at some point we're just like, you know what, I always— can't be a lifestyle. Like, look up, like, so much. Yeah, there's so much to discover. Um, just ask.

Just ask. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then it's like, it's like you said, there are times we have to feel that, but when it becomes a lifestyle then that's it, you know. Like, I was experiencing all the things that I— that, uh, you know, from my Me Too experience, but because I hadn't had the support to heal, it just became a cycle. And that's when it's, it's, it's just dangerous. I mean, it's deadly. It becomes downright deadly, that, that victim mentality.

Absolutely. It can be the same cycle as any type of abuse, known as the honeymoon effect, when everything is going good and then you just fall back. Something happens and then you go back into that pattern. That's how I see it.

Yeah.

Um, yeah, I just want to welcome anybody that's here. Say hello. If you have any questions, please ask. If you're on the replay, you can ask as well. We'll reach out to you. We're not going to leave you hanging. And don't be shy if this is your first time here. Say hello. Let us know where you're from or maybe how your day is going. And, uh, yeah, please join the conversation. Um, I feel it— well, I know it's an important one. And I feel everybody has a story and everybody needs to be heard at some point. I think that's part of the healing and part of the collective healing with the Me Too movement as well and all the other things that we're seeing outside of ourselves.

Yeah, absolutely. It makes such a difference. It really does. And everybody does want to be seen and heard, especially the ones that say they don't. That's kind of the, it's like, oh, I can't be too vulnerable, so I can't let you know that I really do want you to see me and hear me, or those who shame, like, oh, ah, you know? Like, that's just, they definitely need to be seen and heard. But I mean, ultimately, it's up to the individual, because there's really, we can do our best, but as the age-old cliché, lead a horse to water, but she can't make it drink.

Yeah, but I, I totally agree. Um, so what, what other— were you— what, why did I read something about a book? Did you write a book?

Or— yes. Yeah, I actually am in the editing process. It's been several years of journey.

Yeah, and, uh, I know Yeah.

And so I'm writing the book proposal now. I added a couple more chapters. I'm trimming some other chapters. So it is going through a refinement phase yet again. You know, I feel like I've done that so many times, but now it's like, I'm really glad that I waited until, until now, because there's definitely some new things that I've added. So yes, Loving and Celebrating Men: A Woman's Journey into Recovery. And so, yeah, that's the one I'm going to be— I'm working on the book proposal for. And yeah, I'm pretty excited about it because it's been quite a long journey. So I'm like, okay, doesn't have to be perfect. Just put it out there, you know, like send out the manuscript, you know. It came from your heart, though. Yes, exactly. Wonderful.

I'd love to read it at some point. So it sounds fantastic. I mean, the title alone is peak curiosity, right?

So thank you. Thank you. It's been quite a journey. It's been very healing to write it too. I mean, there were times where I was literally hiding under the blanket typing, like, because some of the things I was just like, oh my God, am I really writing about this? Oh Lord. But then after I continue to write it, it just, it just is very freeing.

Yeah, I could just see it like pen to paper and it kind of burns everything away. It's like the phoenix rising from the ashes. It's, yeah, it's transformation.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, that's, that's exactly it.

I'm a very visual person, so when people are talking, I can actually see you writing and hiding under the blankets and then what happens afterwards. So, um, That's the fun part of being very visual too. Yeah, very, very. So, um, the book, it obviously it's about your journey, is it not?

Yes. Yeah, it's my journey of healing and how I challenged, you know, how I perceive men and how I healed that perception of men. So that's something that I got to heal, which is amazing. And I also— was very interesting is that in healing my perception of men and beginning to heal my relationships with men, men actually began to heal my relationships with women. They were actually a very pivotal part in healing in my relationships with women. Because one of the things that I would constantly be given back to by— like, there were several men who gave me the feedback, you know, and he would say they would see, you know, us women arguing, they're like, you're not supposed to argue, but you're not supposed to be this way with each other. Like, you're not supposed to be so, uh, intense with each other. You should be, you know, supportive of each other and all this stuff. So that was really beautiful to have that. I mean, it's completely unexpected. It's just not what I expected at all. I would have never even thought of that, but that's been really, really beautiful. That was really beautiful too.

That is, that's— yeah, because many times it's— it always feels competitive, or, you know, we're competing and, um, need to do better, look better, be better, keep up with the Joneses, whatever that means. And it— right, I can't sustain that. It's like we're fighting with our— with ourselves more than with someone else.

Absolutely. And that's been something that For women, it was ingrained in us because that was a survival tactic. We had to at some point compete to survive, to have the, you know, protector who would kill and, you know, hunt and all of that stuff, and also provide, you know. It wasn't terribly long ago, you know. So we're in a new era where women are, you know, we work, we can sustain ourselves, we can do, you know, we can do what we want. And so it's like letting go of these ingrained things that were placed onto us that, that divide us.

Yeah, definitely. The rise of, you know, the, the, the male and the female and, and connecting, co-creating, um, through, yeah, unconditional love, forgiveness, and healing. It's— yeah, that's why we're here across all ancestral timelines. And past lives, all of that, all of it. Um, and that intergenerational trauma too, that's a big piece. So yeah, thank you for, you know, all the work that you're doing. Uh, I love it. I know I'll be following it, and I know that I, I'm feeling, well, there's going to be more coming. We're going to create something at some point again.

I'd love that.

And, uh, is, is there something else that you wanted to talk about that you're working on, maybe want to share with our viewers?

Sure. Yeah. Well, I'm a self-love coach, transformational speaker, and dream facilitator. And it's, you know, I love doing it. It's just, it's, it's something that brings me great joy and I love being of service. And so to me, the most powerful form of activism is self-love. So I would say is just remember that you are worthy, you know, and you're especially worthy of your own time, of your own tenderness, And taking that time for yourself, you're not doing anything wrong. It's okay to just take a break and just be with your own energy because you're worth it. And it's beautiful. So I would say be gentle with yourself, be tender with yourself, whether you're a man or a woman or whatever gender you identify as, and just take some time with the beauty that you are.

Absolutely. Just like I, yesterday I spent all day outside in the country. I could care less. What my computer was doing, what my phone was doing, what anybody was doing.

So that's wonderful. Yeah, it sounds like having a way to recharge our batteries.

We need to get outside, guys. Get outside, get that vitamin D. It's, it's been proven, uh, so much to, to do so many things. So, um, and I left— where's the best place to reach you? I know there was Facebook, Instagram, YouTube.

Yeah, yeah. And my website at kristaldenisegarcia.com, which is K-R-I-S-T-A-L-D-E-N-I-S-E-G-A-R-C-I-A.com. It's long, I know. And so yeah, you can reach me there and all of my social media links are on there too. Nice.

All right. I'm just putting that in the comments there. But I also have it, uh, there we go, so everybody can see it for later when they do show up. Um, and I know, like, right now, what, what are you doing? Like, are you making a switch to coaching, or what's, what's happening there?

Yeah, yeah. So I, I started my business as a self-love coach, and I'm also a speaker, so I do both of those things, and, and dream facilitator, which is supporting people finding what it is that is their passion and going for it. And so, yep, yeah, I'm self-love coach and I absolutely love it. It really just— it's dream job. Yeah. So yeah, I'm— so I'm spending my time doing that and I've created different packages. I also have one specifically for those who work in the service industry. It's called Intensive Self-Care Unit. Where it's supporting people who work in the, the service industry who often slip into sacrifice instead of service, you know. And so that's where the burnout comes, and that's why self-love is so important. Like, a lot of people are like, yeah, I love myself, I'm great. That's awesome. And that is one level of, you know, it's one type of self-love, but there's— it goes deeper, and there's nuances, and it's really taking that time to be able to put that self-love in place so that self-care is prioritized, so that burnout doesn't happen, and that there are things in place so that you don't have to wait until you have a complete breakdown, you know, and that, that can be prevented.

No, I love that. I mean, yeah, our service providers, our frontline workers, all of that, they need so much support right now, and, uh, thank you for doing that. It's very important because we— they tend to be givers and, um, they're, you know, they're always of service and they tend to forget, oh, did I— you know, a simple thing, did I actually take 5 minutes to just meditate maybe, or just to relax? Right. Yeah, so that's a good— that's a beautiful practice. I love it. Um, yeah, last thing I asked you at the beginning, I always ask my guests at the end of the show, but What does magic mean to you?

Magic to me means presence in being, like simply being present with my own being. That's, that's magic. And being able to have that presence so when I'm with another person, I can understand what it looks like to be present with another being. That's pure magic.

Absolutely. I love that. Well, thank you so much. I appreciate you being here. And anybody that is struggling, please let us know what tools you need, how we can help you at this time. How may we serve? And, uh, yeah, like I said, we're going to be following, uh, along. I've got all the links for you to reach out to Crystal here. And thank you so much for your time.

Thanks for having me. It's been an honor to be here. Thank you.

And, uh, please remember, guys, healing begins where the ego ends. Take care.