5 Ways to Fight Imposter Syndrome

What in the world are we going to do about imposter syndrome? Here's what we know. It's real. A lot of people feel it. Here's what we also know. You shouldn't allow imposter syndrome to get in your way. Let's talk about it. Hi, my name is Chrystal Hurst. I'm so glad you joined me for this teaching. I share a teaching every Sunday night on YouTube and Facebook.. So if you're not subscribed to my YouTube channel, or if you're not following me on Facebook, then I wanna make sure you do that right now. Why? So that way, whenever a new video is released, or sometimes every now and again, I just go live cuz I want to, you won't miss it. I want you to know that I do these recordings first inside of the Inner Circle. The Inner Circle is a membership for those who are encouraged by the videos they see or the podcast they hear or the blog post they read. But they don't just want to be passive receivers of the information. They actually want to be intentional about living their life well and want to do that in the context of community. So in the Inner Circle, what we do is we create courses and content that helps you to work on your life. And the good news is you don't do it by yourself. So in the Inner Circle, every Monday morning— most Monday mornings— I go live and I share what you're watching right now. But before I get to the the wonderful buttoned-up part, I have had already now a solid 45 minutes of foolery. And then after the show, we'll have a little bit more foolery and maybe a little bit of Q&A. But we put the edited buttoned-up version here because I know that this is content that will help you to live well, and I want to help you do that. So let's get into the teaching for today. Imposter syndrome is real. And so this is a second part of Actually, a two-part series on imposter syndrome. If you're watching this part two, then make sure you go back and watch part one. We'll make sure we put a link to that so that you can catch it. But the reality is imposter syndrome, once you understand what it is— I mean, you can Google a definition— you can be inspired and motivated not to live in a place where you're letting imposter syndrome rule your life. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you know what to do to actually fight the syndrome. It's one thing to go and get a diagnosis from a doctor. It's one thing to understand what's wrong with you or what is going on in your body or what is not quite right or normal that you need to address. But it's a whole nother thing to get a prescription. Well, if the first video about imposter syndrome was the explanation and the diagnosis and the encouragement— you're gonna be okay, you need to fight for your life, Well, then this video is the prescription. I won't go back and rehash the definition of imposter syndrome, but what I will do is, is go back and share the definition. So at least that way, if you're watching this video first, you know what we're talking about. Imposter syndrome is defined according to the APA, the American Psychological Association. It occurs when someone is unable or unwilling to internalize and accept their success. They often attribute the success, any success they've had in their life, to luck rather than actual ability or talent. And they live in fear that others will eventually learn that they're a fraud and find them out. It is the feeling that, I hope they don't know that I'm not supposed to be here. I hope they don't find out that I actually am not who I say I am and that I actually cannot repeat the success I've had again. It says, I hope they don't catch me naked in the streets. Can I tell you that every time I write a book, I feel like I'm naked in the streets? I'm a very authentic and honest person. That comes across when I talk, it comes across when I teach, it comes across really when I write. And all of a sudden, the things that I wrote in a corner by myself in a coffee shop are on display for the whole world to see. And my thought is I hope they don't see me, really see me, because what if they find out that I'm a fraud? Yes, I struggle often with imposter syndrome. Yes, I hope that people don't ever figure out that I'm not really a writer, I'm not really a speaker, I'm not really a CEO, I'm not really a good wife or a good mom, I'm not really a leader of people. I hope that they don't find out. I know what imposter syndrome feels like, but I also know what it's like to talk yourself out of, to coach yourself out of, to push yourself into— out of the place of imposter syndroming, if I can invent that word, and into a place of owning who you are. So what I want to give you today are 5 ways that you can fight back when imposter syndrome creeps up and demands your attention. Here's what you need to know, and here's what's most important: you don't have to pay attention to imposter syndrome. You don't have to give it a voice in your life. You don't have to give it a place. It doesn't need a platform. You only need to know that it exists. And once you know that it exists, you go to war because it doesn't belong in your mind or in your body. The first thing that you need to know, um, is that because imposter syndrome is something that you can respond to with a voice, imposter syndrome a voice, and you can respond to it like a voice too. It's like a conversation. If somebody is in your world and they say something you don't want to hear, you can decide to tell them, you know what, I don't really appreciate that, right? So I can be around people, uh, some of you have heard me talk about this before. I had a boss who cussed a lot, and I said to her, I'm just not accustomed to having people speak to me that way. I know that I can't tell you what to do but it would help me if you would not speak to me that way. And she didn't stop, but she sure did use a lot less of them cuss words. Okay, the imposter syndrome is a voice that's always trying to cuss you out. Okay, you get to decide. You can't totally decide to get rid of it because it exists. It exists when you show up in places that are new and different to you. It's, it's actually a sign that where you are is a place that feels uncomfortable because you've never been there, but it is not the determining factor of whether or not you can own the space. So when the imposter's voice shows up, it's just an indication that you need to have a conversation. And the first person to have that conversation is you. You have to speak up. You have to be willing to talk back to that syndrome and decide what it is that you truly believe and say it out loud. But you are not the only voice in your life. You need to surround yourself with other people, encouragers, mentors, communities, small groups, Bible studies, friends, running groups, your girlfriends, your quarterly breakfast and brunch group, whoever it is where you can say like, for real, y'all, I've been thinking about this dream that I have. I've been thinking I want to grow and develop. I'm, I'm doing this thing, but I feel like I don't know enough to do it. And you need other voices when your voice feels weak, right, to say the same thing about you that you need to hear when your voice doesn't feel strong enough. You need people around you when that internal voice starts telling you that you're not good enough. You need people around you that will say, yes, you are, and they will remind you of the fact that you are fearfully and beautifully made. They will remind you of your natural giftings and talents. They will remind you of what you have done in the past that has prepared you for your current present or your future, that they will charge you up, cheerlead you up, and clap their hands and say hallelujah because they believe in the girl in you. And if you don't have them, then that's why it's so important to build your sister circle. And that's why we actually even have the Inner Circle, because we realize that not everyone in their lives has it.. And we realize that not everyone in their lives knows how to build it. So while you're working on your in-real-person group, or in addition to your in-real-person group, that is why the Inner Circle exists. You need people around you, mentors, spiritual leaders, friends, sisters who are cheering you on. These friends don't necessarily have to be your peers. They can be women who are younger than me. Um, one of the girls who I get to work with, do contract work for video work often, I love her. We're friends, and she's behind me. She is 10 years younger than me, but she sees me and calls out the best in me, keeps me also very current to make sure I'm not saying or doing or looking crazy. But I have women who are ahead of me. Of course, my mother was one of those women, my grandmother. There are elders' wives in our church who I call when I need wisdom. Um, there are women who are peers. We are fighting together to get our content into the world, to figure out how to work with these doggone reels. To raise our kids, to homeschool, to be good wives to our husbands, to clean and declutter our homes. Like, I have women around me that will tell me, girl, listen, don't, don't, don't, don't get discouraged. We know you cleaned it up once, you can declutter again. This is for any and all seasons of life. You need women who will stop that imposter's voice in you, and that you can share that the imposter's voice is actually talking to you. Half the problem is we don't have people around us because we won't even claim or own the fact that the imposter syndrome exists. We won't say out loud, I'm not so sure I can do this. We won't say out loud, I hope this business doesn't fail because I actually have no idea what I'm doing. We won't say out loud, I wrote this book, but I think that this book is gonna fail because I actually am not even sure that what I wrote is gonna help anybody. We won't say that because it's when you say that, that when you feel that, you will allow yourself to see the imposter for who he really is, and you will allow yourself to speak life, and you will allow other people to speak life. Let people in so that in your moment of weakness, you are able to have an opposition to the discouraging voice. This is why it's so important to read your word. I love the Psalms for this because David fought imposter syndrome. Lord, surely I'm not the one. Lord, surely I'm gonna die. Lord, surely my enemies are going to get me. But yet David was a great warrior. He was a man after God's own heart, the Bible says. And he also was able to turn around and coach himself and cheer himself. Read the Psalms. He says what all bad things are going to happen, and then he cheers himself along. He cheers himself up. He encourages himself up and is his own best friend. You need to be your own best friend, and then you need to have some other women that are in your circle and can befriend you too. So number 1 is speak up. You speak up and let the other people in your life that want to encourage you when you're having imposter syndrome, let them speak up too. And one more little thing about listening to your friends. Some of us are terrible about having people in our lives that actually do speak life to us, and when they do, we downplay their life. They say, girl, you did really good at that. Are you serious? Because I just felt like that. You look really pretty today. That dress looks good on you. Girl, all I see is flubber. I mean, like, we have to allow them to say what they're going to say, listen to what they're going to say, and receive it. Stop bunking up. Stop, like, refusing and denying yourself the gift of encouragement. Okay, the second thing is you have to show up for your gifts and talents. So speak up and show up. You have to know what you're good at. You have to know what you need to work at. I was talking to Sean Cannell. We did a an interview. He is a YouTuber. He has millions of followers on YouTube. Love that I got a chance to interview him. Follow his work. I've learned a lot of things about how to do what I do from watching him. But he said, competence builds confidence. Often the confidence that you seek is because you're not showing up for the gifts and talents that you have. Okay, let me give you an example. Let's say you're musical and you say, I want to write music, but I don't really feel like I would be that good at it. Maybe I'm not the person to lead worship. Maybe I'm not the person to be a songwriter. Maybe I'm not the person who's gonna be able to play that instrument beyond belief. Okay, what you need is confidence because the imposter syndrome is attacking you in the place where you feel weak. How do you build that, that confidence? Well, you build your competence. So instead of talking about it, show up for it. Take the piano lessons, go back to school and get the degree, get the certification if that's what's required. Apprentice for somebody who does the job, show up and intern for someone who does what you wanna do. Serve in your church. Read the book, because so many people that I know learn how to do what they do from learning from other people. This is what I told my boys when we recently went into a bookstore against their own better judgment. I said, listen, there are 3 ways that you can shortcut the journey of learning in your life. One of those ways is you read God's word. All the wisdom that you need is in the Bible. The beginning of wisdom, uh, is the fear of the Lord. That's what Proverbs says. You want to know what to do in your life? Listen to God. How do you listen to God? How do you know what he says? By reading your Bible. Number 2, it's by listening to, uh, wise counsel in your life. That starts with your parents and your grandparents, and then there are people in your life that are older than you, maybe a mentor at work or an older person that goes to your church. Seek wise counsel. Go to the counselor, go to the therapist, get with people who have been there and done that and have the t-shirt to prove it, and also have the life lessons learned the easy way or the hard way. But let people teach you. Don't wait 20 years to learn what somebody can tell you that they learned already in 20 years that you're going to waste trying to learn it again the first time. Shortcut your life's journey by listening. The third thing that you're going to do is read books, because when you read books, you are taking a collective amount of people that you would never meet and you are ingesting their lessons learned. These are the ways to live life well, because you don't spend 20 years learning it yourself. All right, so when you show up for your gifts and talents, you get around other people who have lived enough life to call things out of you, who've lived enough life to see what you're good at, to speak into your life, and then you show up for that. When they say you're really talented at XYZ, or you just seem to come alive when those people speak into your life, show up for that. If you have no idea, most of us know where we have passion. We know what sets our soul on fire because we laugh about it, we smile about it, we talk about it. We could do it for hours. That's where you show up. That's where you show up and you build your competence. When you build your competence, you will build your confidence. When you build your confidence, you will have something to say. To that imposter. Because when they say you're not a singer, this is what you can say: Well, actually, I am. I've led worship at my church for many, many years. Uh, I have been on a few recordings. I've never done my own album, but maybe I will one day. I know that when I lead worship, I know that I myself am drawn into the Holy of Holies, and I know that other people are too because they've told me so. So how am I going to continue to build confidence as a worship leader? I have to show up and practice it to build competence.. And then I listen to other people when they speak life into me and say, I love it when you lead worship. I love it. I was— I had, um, such a great experience in worship today. Thank you for leading me. It builds in your competence, which builds your confidence. You have to show up though to build that confidence for the gifts and abilities that you have. You have to show up and know who you are and lean into your gifts and talents. So show up. Number 3, Say grace. Give yourself some grace. Literally, when you feel the stress rising, when you think, I can't do it, when you realize that you didn't do it good enough or that you did fall short of your goal— because that will happen when you're learning— when you realize that you wanted to do it better than you did and that you were trying to be a baker and this cake was beautiful but it was dry as all get-out, say grace. Give yourself grace, girl. You're learning. It's okay. When you are sitting in that meeting and wondering if you are doing a good job, give yourself grace. Say grace. You know what? I actually did not prepare well for this meeting, but give yourself grace. Say grace. I'm going to give myself grace to learn this again. I'm going to do better the next time. It's okay. I learned the lesson this time. I am growing. I am a work in progress. Say grace. What do you do well? When you assign yourself what you do well, right, and you show up for that thing You are going to have to learn. None of us start walking day one. We take a few steps and then we fall. We take a few more steps and then we fall. And the whole time as a parent, we say, Grace, that's okay. Get up. You can do it. Do that for yourself while you're showing up and building your confidence. Give yourself grace and you will nurture the girl within. Not only will you nurture the girl within, she won't be afraid to show up because the one person who is attached to her all the time is not calling her an imposter. That is the opposite of calling yourself an imposter. You're supposed to be here, and I give you grace to figure out how to be here well. Okay, so speak up, show up, say grace. So next, number 4, is see your spectacular. The one thing that all us girls do at one point or another in our life, and often for most of us we do it our whole life, we compare. The best way to get out of comparison is to see your spectacular. And you have to do that not tearing anybody else down or saying, I'm better than them, but here's what makes me spectacular. Literally, you have to see your special gifting, not just show up for it but rehearse it, just like you do when you're comparing yourself to someone else. You see their spectacular, and then you say, they're so good at that, they are so wonderful at that, they have been doing that, they do that excellently. I wish I could be like them. Okay, see, you are spectacular. I have everything I need to be the girl that I wanna be, and I'm spectacular not only because I'm generally unique, but because these are the gifts I have. This is the education that I have. This is what I look like when I show up for others. This is how I am. And it's okay to rehearse what's exciting and wonderful about you. You have to see your spectacular so that you have something to say. That so you have something to show up for. And so when you need to give yourself grace, you can. You have to give yourself something to show up for, something to speak up about. You have to give yourself something so that when you're in the moment where you need grace, you are reminded of why you're giving yourself grace— because you're spectacular. This is how we feel about our babies. They're spectacular, aren't they? And it doesn't matter if they fall, because we We know that they're spectacular because they are. And so are you. It is okay to have a healthy confidence, not that you build because you have competence, but that you have because you are. I need you to start getting grateful for who you are, for what makes you unique, for what you love, for who you are, for what people love about you, for what you've done in your life, the things that you've overcome in your life. See your spectacular. When God looks at you, what does he see? Make a list. And that has nothing to do with where you may feel like you're an imposter. It has everything to do with who you are and the reality that you will see the value in who you are. Because if you're a spectacular individual and a spectacular being, then you are worth the work of the rescue, are you not? I think so. Last but not least, occupy your space. Move in your space. Own your space. The best way to conquer imposter syndrome, besides the things that I've told you already, is to act like you're supposed to be there. You just Act like it. Like you literally write the book anyway. You literally go out and speak in front of those 200 people anyway. You actually lead the meeting anyway. You actually play the piano anyway. You actually lead worship anyway. You actually have the hard conversation anyway. You actually do the thing that you don't feel capable to do Anyway, there is a space waiting for you. What imposter syndrome does is tells you that that space does not belong to you. You don't belong in that space. What you do when you speak up, when you show up, when you say grace, when you constantly see yourself as spectacular, what you do is create the mindset that will allow you to go back into the room. Think about a boxer. Right? He may have a bad ring and his coach is in the corner and they hit a timeout and then they pull the, the, the boxer into the corner and they wipe his face. And what do they do? What do they do, right? They show up and then they encourage him. They remind him of who they are. They tell them about who they are. You are spectacular. You're the champion. You go back in there and you do it. They remind them of where they've built competence, right? They remind them and they say, you, you already practiced this. You know, throw him that right punch. They tell them who they are. They give them grace. It's all right that you got knocked out. It's not the end of the fight. And somebody is in their ear speaking up. And what is that boxer doing? Sitting in that corner, sitting in that corner, nodding their head, practicing their jabs. They're getting ready to go back in. But you cannot win the fight, and you will not be the champ if you don't go back in the ring and get back to the fight. Before you win, you have to see yourself as a champion. Before you own it, you have to see the self as, see yourself as the person who can, who can, uh, who can be the beginner, the starter, the creator of that business. Before your book is published, you have to see yourself as a writer and show up at that coffee shop and put those words down on paper. Before you are actually a speaker, you have to practice by yourself in the mirror, record yourself on video, practice listening to yourself on the audio recording on your phone. Before you get there, you occupy it. So when that you show up, you actually are already the champion already, because beating imposter syndrome is about knowing that you've already beat it. All the things I've mentioned to you today are just helping you get there. You occupy the space, move in, walk in your God-given identity. If you've never read Ephesians chapter 1, read it. Because it says you are blessed, you are chosen, that you are adopted, you are wanted, you are forgiven, that you have everything you need. And I believe you do too. So whatever is currently bugging the mess out of you— I want to do it, but I'm not sure I'm the person— I would love for you to tell me about it, because the first step to beating imposter syndrome is to recognize that you even hear the imposter's voice. So let me ask you this question. Where are you feeling like you're an imposter? What space are you supposed to be occupying that you don't feel qualified to occupy, that you're not sure that you can continue to occupy, that you're afraid people will find out you're not supposed to be occupying? Where are you afraid to occupy the space? Go ahead and name it, because naming it and naming it and saying it, there's power. The voice is speaking to you, you have to speak to it. If you don't war against the imposter that is warring against you, you lose your life. So here's the positive alternate statement. When you decide to war against the imposter syndrome, when you decide to wage war on the imposter syndrome and the voice of you're not enough, you gain your life. You can live your life well. You can live your life to the max because you are tuning in more to what is true about you than the insecurities that seek to take you down. So the question simply is, who are you going to listen to? And if you choose to listen to the best of you, the people who love you, the God who created you, then imposter cannot win. But if you don't listen And if you don't take the counsel I've given you today, you will eventually show up for yourself because you get so tired of not doing it, but you will have wasted 20 years. Or maybe you will never show up for yourself. I want to save you time and I want to save you heartache. So if you have not been doing the things I talked about today, if you needed somebody to tell you today's the day, well Today's go day. Today's go time. Today it's time for you to start winning. And then don't forget about the 5 things that I told you about today. Don't forget you have to speak up to your imposter's voice and allow other people in your life to do the same. Don't forget that you need to show up for the gifts and talents and the dreams that you have. It doesn't matter if you don't know what you're doing yet. No one starts out knowing what they're doing. And the way to build confidence is to build competence. Study, learn, grow, ask questions, and learn from other people in your life. Be sure and say grace. You're not going to get it all right, and you're certainly not going to get it right the first time. But when you realize that you can learn, give yourself some grace. See your spectacular. Stop seeing everybody else's and rehearsing what's great about them and comparing yourself to where they are. You are in the space you are in right now, so see your spectacular. For your today. And lastly, whatever space it is that you feel called to occupy, that you are currently occupying, that you're afraid you can't keep occupying, move into that space and stay there. You keep occupying that space, acting as if it's true, because if you keep acting that way and speaking that way, it will be. Everybody all has to put on their pants one leg at a time. And y'all, most days we all are wearing some underwear. Here's where, girl, you got to pull up your big girl panties. And decide that even though I don't feel like I should be here, I know deep down I am. And until God tells me differently, I'm gonna act like he is telling me the truth. I hope this video has been encouraging to you. Here's what I know: most people I know suffer with imposter syndrome, so I know that there are quite a few people that you know that do too. This video has been helpful. Why don't you share it? Don't forget to subscribe to the YouTube channel or follow me on Facebook. And if you're interested in not just hearing from me but actually jumping into the waters with me and other women who want to do the work in their life, be sure to check out the Inner Circle. You can do so by going to chrystalevanshurst.com/innercircle. And don't forget this— if you watch this part, this is part 2. Be sure you go back and watch part 1. It's good over there too. Hello! I'll see you next time. Happy night.