A Special Christmas Collection: A Trip Down Memory Lane

It's Christmas time, which means that we are here for the Christmas collection. Chrystal's Christmas collection, but also it's Karris and Chrystal's Christmas collection because what would these be without Karris? Welcome, Karris.

Thank you for having me.

We've already had discussions about how we're not going to be in any way, shape, or form inappropriate this year.

Who is we?

We.

You talked about how you weren't going to be inappropriate this year. Yeah, I'm never going to make any promises. You're right, you're never inappropriate.

No, cuz I'm the mother. So we're talking about Christmas, and, um, we actually going to do something different this year. Normally we cart a bunch of gifts in here, options for, uh, you to have some gift ideas, and we're not going to do this year, uh, that same thing. We're going to walk down memory lane and give you some gifts of ideas, ideas in how we've spent Christmas, ideas in how the traditions that we've made, the things we've learned, and the things frankly we try not to buy. Not to buy. 'Cause in this economy? This is the year not to buy.

In this economy?

That's correct.

My kids are getting new school clothes.

That's correct.

For Christmas.

That's correct. And poor Joel. At this point, I have given— I've given everybody, all the kids, all the possible things. So even if he's not bored, I'm bored, which means I don't want to buy the same thing for him that I bought for everybody else. That's so sad. Just taking it back to the beginning, I remember the first Christmas that I was disappointed in what was under the tree for me. Did you have a disappointing Christmas ever?

Probably the Christmas where you got me a dog and then took it away. But, um, that, that'd probably be— that'd probably be—

I was trying to go in gently. Let me tell you the story. Let me tell you what happened. This is an honest mistake. She wanted a dog. All kids want dogs. She wanted a dog and she was 4 years old.

Was I only 4?

You were only 4.

Wow.

So I decided to give her a dog. Everybody was like, that's a bad idea. But I was like, you don't know me. I'm a great mom.

I will.

It'll be okay.

And you don't know her.

She's very responsible. I actually think it would have worked out okay because you cared about animals. Oh, I think it would have worked out okay if we had bought a smaller— not even bought. I didn't buy the dog. If we had gotten a smaller dog. But I like big dogs and I didn't take the time to think about how a big dog would fare in an 800-square-foot apartment. So I went to the SPCA where you go and adopt a dog, and I went and got the cutest dog I could find. But I didn't ask them about what breed it was. I didn't ask them how big it's going to get. I didn't— I didn't ask that at all. And so she was so happy. I gave it to you at Nonnie and Poppy's house. Yeah, we hid it in the laundry room. We had to go out to dinner that night. I remember you were wearing this red dress. Black and red dress. She didn't even want to leave to go to dinner. It was the most amazing gift ever. And then we had to bring that dog back to live in our 800-square-foot apartment. And it was a half Labrador Retriever, German Shepherd mix. And I had to be at work every day at 7 AM and didn't get home until 6 PM. So the dog was basically in a crate all the time. So sad. So we kept Chelsea for about 4 months, after which point she just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And then the straw that broke the camel's back was I came home from work one day. She had been in the crate all day and she needed obviously to be let out of the crate. And I had not been there to do that. And I remember thinking, I have a child, I have changed diapers, I have cleaned up all the crap. I am not doing this for a dog. And that was the day I told her that her Christmas present had to go back to the adopted dog place. You're still scarred by that.

I am.

It was a core memory. It was a core memory. It's a sadness memory. It is. Well, no, it's a joy and sadness memory. The joy of getting a dog on Christmas Day and the sadness of holding onto the bars at the S.P.A. saying, "I'll come back for you, Chelsea. When I get older, I'll come back for you." You did say that, didn't you?

Yes, I did.

I think that's the first memory I ever have at 4 years old.

You're welcome. But as you learn from the movie Inside Out, Inside Out says joy and sadness, it takes all things to create a well-rounded individual. And also, you apologize to your children in advance for all the therapy they're going to need. For me, Christmas disappointing was just the year my mother bought us only clothes.

Oh, well, it was—

that would be disappointing. It was like all the clothes that she saw us want this year. She saw us want and then she got it and put it under the tree. I was like, surprise me already. It was terrible. Totally entitled. It was awful.

Yeah, that's why we're not getting them anything this year for Christmas.

That's what you say.

We're going to nip that in the bud. Entitlement.

You and I don't have like Christmas memories on our own, really. Before I married Daddy, you and I— because our Christmas was always rolled into Nonnie and Poppy's Christmas. Y'all have to understand, when my parents got married, my mother's family did not celebrate Christmas. Um, they didn't want to be distracted by all the gifts. So to this day, my mother's family celebrates New Year's Day because that's what they did growing up. But when she married my father, my father said, "Oh no, no, we celebrating Christmas." It was a big deal at his house. And so my mother made it a big deal. So I'd love for you to talk about some of your earliest memories of Nonnie's house. So what does it smell like on Christmas morning? What do we always eat? How do we open gifts?

Let me check my somatic memory.

Oh my gosh. That's what happens when you've had a lot of therapy. Kicked off by me and that doggone dog.

No, I think Nonnie just was Mrs. Claus, very much so. So she just threw up Christmas everywhere, on every surface, in every bedroom, in every bedroom, every bathroom, pillows and the porch. You know the people who like change out their comforters for Christmas? Like, those are serious.

It's not just a throw pillow. You don't just throw a pillow on the couch.

There are things that get changed in the house.

Yes. Christmas china.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. It's a whole situation.

I'm working on collecting mine right now from Facebook Marketplace because I don't buy things new.

Just don't go to straight— y'all that be buying this Facebook Marketplace stuff, don't be dangerous. You're dangerous.

I just sold something on Facebook Marketplace.

That's not what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about how much money you're making.

I'm going to somebody's house tomorrow.

But you're supposed to be safety first.

The safety is Josh has my location. I tell him when I'm on my way to do a pickup. Sometimes I might send him if it's something big that we need his truck bed for. But Christmas china is a great thing to get off Facebook Marketplace.

It's true. It's true.

And then I think, and maybe my memory is wrong, but I feel like in later years she had someone who would come and do all of the Christmas changeover.

Retreats.

Yes. And I had a tree to myself.

There was a formal room tree.

And then there was a tree in the back.

And there was a Karris's tree.

And I had gifts in both.

That's the problem we have today.

It is the problem we have today.

And then we had the family tree.

Yes.

Where actually the gifts for everyone went.

Yes.

And she would hold me to that standard. She'd be like, why don't we have a whole decorated house? Why don't we have 3 trees? Why aren't the— like, you're— I would get the Walmart balls. Because the Walmart balls.

Balls?

The ornaments. Oh, okay.

So I'm really like, what are you talking about? I got it. We got it.

Okay. The ornaments from Walmart that are in the shape of a ball.

Who calls ornaments balls? Like, this is not a me thing. This is a ball.

Do any of you call ornaments balls?

Okay, continue. They're the Walmart balls. You call them balls?

Even when we were a little girl, the little things that have the little balls on them that you put on your hair that would make—

I call them round arounders.

We called them—

What do you call them?

The round around— we called them round arounders and balls. They were balls.

If there are just balls everywhere, how do you distinguish?

Because one is when you're doing your hair and one is when it's Christmas time.

Okay, I'm going to stop. Come on, going way left.

But what she doesn't remember is that when I look back on Christmas pictures, from when we were growing up. That was not the tree I grew up with. When I look back now, we had a ratty tree. It was a ratty tree. I remember that there was this little bird in, like, a bird's nest, and she would stick it in the tree. And I used to lay there at night and look at this bird because it would, like, chirp. I was so enamored by the doggone bird chirping. And when I look back at the tree, I'm like, it was a raggedy tree. So I think my mother's Christmas totally distorted Karris's view.

No, it didn't distort. It gave me something to aspire to.

Well, I say it distorted because you spent the first few years when I actually tried to have a tree, you were just constantly disappointed.

I have no recollection of that.

Exactly. Of course you wouldn't.

My counselor said—

Exactly. Here we go back to the counselor.

That you only have to do 30%.

Right.

Just 30%, right? Because I really truly have absolutely no memory of being upset about or disappointed.

Great.

Only 30%. Your kids are only going to take 30%, so just do the 30%.

Can't have me choose which 30% they remember.

I don't know if you have a choice.

Well, all I know is that my mother was Mrs. Claus. We grew up every year, she would make hot chocolate. She would, uh, we had eggs and all this stuff, and then it just devolved in the best way into this monkey bread, syrupy, nutty concoction. And when that stuff would come out of the oven, we were like vultures eating that with the hot chocolate.

I do that. Like I said, something to aspire to.

Well, last thing I'll say about this, we spent the night every night, every Christmas Eve That means Charis and I spent the night. And then when I get married, my husband and Charis and Jessica spent the night. And then as more children came over, we would go over there and just be on the floor, just everywhere. And so, um, the year after Nonni passed away, I went over to spend the night. And Poppy said, "Why are you here?" I said, "Because we spend the night." And I said, "Do you not want us to spend the night?" He was like, "I mean, if you want to." I was like, "What do you mean? What do you mean?" And so I spent the night. And the next year I said, "Do you— would you prefer that we not spend the night?" He was like, "Don't you think it's time for you to get your own tradition?" I was like, but this is what we like. The— all of my kids, this is all they know. But y'all, wonderful Christmas memories. And so honestly, right now, just to fast forward for a second, I feel like where we are is trying to figure out not just post my mother, Mrs. Claus, not being here and her creating Christmas, but what does that look like? Because our— all of our Christmases have been baked into her Christmas. So you're trying to figure that out with your family.

Yeah, I might not see y'all this year.

But this has come because now you have your own family.

Yes.

So let's talk about your first Christmas. Oh, as a family. As a family with a child.

Our first Christmas, we were in the hospital because Ellie's birthday is on New Year's Eve.

Christmas Eve.

Christmas Eve. Sorry. Yes. Ellie's birthday is on Christmas Eve. So our first Christmas, we were in the hospital and I basically said, It's Christmas and I'm going home and I'm taking my baby home. And they're like, well, we have to discharge you. And I was like, I'm packing my bags and I have my baby in my arm so you can do whatever you need to do, but I'm going home. And so we went home the first Christmas. Josh was rolling around with Ellie on the floor like she was ready to play.

And I was like, she's a newborn.

Not yet.

She just got here.

She just arrived.

So there is no Christmas for the Ferris family without celebrating Ellie's birthday.

Unfortunately.

And I asked her, actually, the other day. I said, "Are you bothered by the fact that your birthday is at Christmas, like, that it's mixed in?" She was like, "No, 'cause I get double the gifts." Yeah, which we worked really hard to make sure that she doesn't feel slighted because her birthday is the day before Christmas.

So, that's good that she says that.

So, you had Christmas, but that first Christmas, we came down for her birth, left, and went back.

To go back, and then came back.

To make sure everybody had their normal Christmas, and then, came back to be with you.

Yep.

So we're celebrating Ellie's birthday. Did you think then, I want to create my own family traditions? Like, was that on your radar? Yes.

Yes, it—

I think it was.

Yes. It was just very early. So figuring out how to do that and how we were going to, like, how and if we were going to be in Houston, how and if we were going to be in Dallas, were we going to trade off? Before we got married, I made Josh promise that— I think I said it as like a disclaimer, like, if I marry you, I am going to spend every Christmas in Dallas. I'm not— like, that was like a non-negotiable for me.

Which is so, so right and also sad.

What?

Like, it's right.

It's—

I agree. It's like, what other Christmas is there? Yeah, I was like, But it's also sad that you went into marriage with that kind of ultimatum.

Yes, and we had a whole breakdown, probably like 3 years.

I was kind of glad you gave him that ultimatum. I was like, good. I didn't say that out loud. I was like, you need to do, you know, but y'all need to talk about it as a family. Like, you need to do what works for your family. But in my heart, I was like, good.

Yeah, no, I was very serious. I was like, every year before we get married, like, I need you to sign on the dotted line that I will never have to have a discussion of being anywhere else but Dallas. And then 3 years in, he was like, I want to go home for Christmas. And I was distraught. I was like, though you said we would all stay in Dallas. Oh, boy. I mean, it was not great in retrospect. I should have been much more mature and adult than I was at the time to realize, of course, he would want to go home for Christmas to spend with his family. That is a normal thing. But that was very hard because it was so deeply rooted.

It was so deeply rooted.

So deeply rooted.

So first Christmas, you're not really thinking about your own traditions. And I, again, ours were so strong, I didn't really think about them. We had it, Daddy and I, and everybody else just got rolled into it. So you started, you wanted it, but you weren't really thinking about it.

Yeah, I was just like, Dallas is the tradition. Going home, doing all of the lineup of things we do in December. Is the tradition.

Well, I want to talk about one of the things that— one of the things on the lineup, North Park Mall. North Park Mall. We would go. North Park Mall is the fufu mall. And you don't just go to the mall. You have to go dressed.

Yeah.

Okay.

Very true.

You go, you see Santa Claus when you're little, you go see the trains. It's like you're paying $15 for these kids to walk around. They're in and out of there in like 5 minutes. But their trains are only there during Christmas. You eat out. You run around the mall. You're just around. You're just around. You're just— but it's like we— Christmas wasn't complete until we went to NorthPark Mall.

Very true.

A little shopping. Nonni was always giving you a freck. Explain what a freck is.

A freck is $100.

No, no. That's— are you telling me every time she gave you a freck, it was $100?

Absolutely. She would send me frecks in the mail sometimes.

But frecks were supposed to be like $5.

No. She would send me frecks in the mail to college, and it would just have one note in it. Don't tell your mother. It would just be an envelope with a $100 bill and a note.

Don't tell your mother.

Or shh, exclamation mark.

She told me that she would send you a freck, but she had me believing it was like $5, $10.

I never heard of a freck that was less than $100.

Let me tell you what she would do. She would wrap gifts for my mother.

And wait, and wait. In the early 2000s, $100? Do you know what you could buy with $100? Basically, that's a down payment on a house in the early 2000s. You could do a lot. Was $100. So it was—

well, you would go over there, and I knew you were going over there to wrap gifts for everyone, and she would say, I'm going to give you a frick. I knew then—

she gave me more than a frick for that, because then I was actually working.

Then I was actually doing something to earn the money, so I was more than a frick. Then she told me that it was— that she told me that was $100.

Wow.

Wow. It was more than $100.

Well, Nonni believed in gifts, so gifts galore. And then the best part, though, which we would see at North Park was the stockings. We weren't really that— we were excited about the gifts, but we were really excited about the stockings on Christmas Day.

Yes.

And so we would see at North Park Mall because she would just go around and pick up little— and her stocking stuffers were full-on gifts.

No, first of all, this— we have to— these are not the stockings.

No, these are not stockings. The stockings are double wide. —like double long, like this big, packed full, just of good, like, not junk.

Good stuff.

I mean, quality, high-value lotion, purses. Correct.

And then, like, $50 gift cards to Starbucks. Yeah. Not— yes. And again, think early 2000s with a $50 gift card to Starbucks. You could be—

you could go— last you all year. Yeah. So, so, and then if— and again, double wide, double long. And then it wouldn't all fit in there. So she would come out with a gift bag. With a bag. She was like, I know this is just too much. But she would spend all year picking up little things and not really be mindful of, I got them a little this, a little— huh?

That's what I need to do. That's what I'm doing wrong. I need to be doing stocking stuffers all year for the kids.

You need to be buying gifts all year for the kids.

Really? No, because they change too much.

They change like—

You take it back. I don't keep up with receipts like that. So you don't have to.

Target will let you return it if you just have your original form of payment.

All right, that's what I'm doing wrong. I just need to shop for stocking stuffers throughout the year. Yeah, I have elevated Christmas in my mind so much that I put a lot of pressure on myself for everything to be perfect because her— perfect, y'all. I mean, perfect. And what Josh has really helped me do is like, I remember last year, I think I was stressing about stocking stuffers and he was like, they're kids, go to Five Below. And I was like, that is a fantastic idea.

I do not live up in any way, shape, or form to my mother's Christmas. No way. No way. However, I think we did create some things that became our own. And like, we kept going to things like NorthPark Mall and the trains and stuff like that. I make monkey bread. I make hot chocolate. I'll make a big breakfast. Okay, so that was your first Christmas. We're all trying to live up to Nonni. So another thing that we would do every Christmas is go to the Zodiac at Neiman's. We would have a whole ladies' day. All the men in our family, all the men in our family, they know, you keep the kids. We're going to go to this fancy lunch. No himmin' and honnin'. No. Take these kids. And they just all knew. They all knew. And we don't know when we're coming back.

Yep. Nope. So don't ask.

Don't ask. And they still know. Are y'all doing your Ladies Day? So we would go out to eat and go—

We bring that back.

We— mm-hmm. And we would go to North Park after that. Yes. Go shopping, go to the movies, just hanging out all day. I know. Nonni started celebrating Christmas. She believed in celebrating all month long. Yes. As it should be. As it should be. And just sprinkle things throughout. So one of the things— we talked about Nonni and the monkey bread, but once the holidays arrived, she starts making pumpkin bread. And she's making— she's making loaves of bread. On the clock. Like, not at Christmas time. Like, 8 weeks before Christmas time, she's making 2 to 4 loaves a week.

And freezing them. And freezing them. Giving them away.

So that she can give them away. I need to—

you're making me remember stuff I need to do.

But this is the Chrystal version, though. Chrystal's kitchen version is, that's a lot of work to give away a whole loaf like that. That's what made it special. Okay, yeah, no. But I was like, I can cut my work in half if I, instead of giving everybody a whole loaf, if I get the little mini loaf pans. So it was the same thing, but it's— but the same work would give me 8 gifts instead of 2.

Yes. But the joy for Christmas right now, I'm feeling tightness in my throat.

I know. Let me tell— I can tell you how to let that go. But the joy of Christmas came from— has come from looking at the things she did, the smell of Christmas and all that, and then now figuring out what does it look like for me? Because she was in a different season. So in 2016, you have a year-old baby. Yes. And then what happened that kind of messed up your season that Christmas?

I wouldn't say it messed it up. I would just say that— I mean, I wouldn't say that it messed it up. It was just a hard year. I had a miscarriage. That year, 2016. Yes, I had a miscarriage that year. And so it just was like, I don't know, I'm trying to think of the words to describe it. It was just like, oh, huh, I don't even know. I don't have the words. It was— it wasn't sad, it just was a little put off. I don't know, maybe a little distant mentally. Thinking about bigger life things than Christmas. I guess it was probably the first year that wasn't like, Christmas! Right, right. So yeah.

Well, that's the thing I think I've had to learn, because when I think about her making pumpkin bread and decorating the house and all that kind of stuff, I'm thinking she had lots of Christmases where she— that was her experience. You know, as a kid, you just get the It's great. I get the gifts. The pumpkin bread was made. The monkey bread showed up. Oh, music in the house. We were constantly listening to who? The Temptations and Al Green. Anybody and everybody. Al Green blasting through the house. And I was thinking, there were— I mean, like you said, you showed up and you were like, this is a good Christmas, but it's not the same as the other ones. Yes. And that kind of gives me a lot of respect and grace to give myself for the Christmases that aren't exactly the same. Yep. Everybody should have a mentor. Listen, I have mentors. I have in real life mentors. I have women who have mentored me through books. I have women who have mentored me through their podcast and their speaking and beyond. There are women that I get to mentor, and the best way I get to do that for you is when you join the Inner Circle. I actually show up every Monday morning for my girls, and I'd love for you to be a part of that. Thesistercircle.com. Chrystalhurst.com/innercircle is where you can go to join and you can join anytime. But if you're watching this near the release of this video, I want you to join now so that you join me at the top of 2025 to start the year off right. Need a mentor? Here I am every Monday morning. I'd love to see you. Okay, so my home. So daddy worked, I was at home, homeschool, stay-at-home mom, no money.

See, I had no idea. Like, you say that and I'm like, what are you talking about?

No, honey. Do you know that— do you remember making the ornaments with the boys? Okay, first of all, she has always been very creative. So everything that I wanted to do creative at Christmastime, I made her do. So— So one of the things for Trey and Kaden, you— I got a recipe for homemade ornaments, the dough ornaments. And you—

I can do that. You can.

And you made handprints and stars. We used cookie cutters and all. We— you did it. I was taking pictures. Yes. And do you know, I just threw those out last year. Like, they are crumbling. They were falling apart. Crumbling. But all these years I would keep them and we wouldn't hang them really. I would just like, see, like, you made this with your hand, blah, blah, blah. But we did homemade ornaments.

Did you take pictures of them before you threw them out?

But I have pictures of them from when we first made them. Okay. Another thing we did that she did really is we started doing gingerbread houses. We actually still do that. Yes. You said we don't want to do the house anymore.

I've got a lot of cookies already from Costco. We're good to go.

So we're not doing the house. We're doing just cookies.

Well, at my house, we're doing the cookies because we did houses last year.

They're hard. They don't stick to—

And it was not—

You have to build the house. It was not aesthetic. And the icing doesn't really hold it to— It's a whole thing. It was— The cookies are easier. Chaos. Well, that's like me going from pumpkin bread, Nonni's pumpkin bread, the loaf to my mini loaves. But, you know, sometimes I make muffins. So you got to do what works for you.

Yeah, I bought a house for me to decorate. They will decorate cookies.

The kids will decorate cookies?

Yes. Gingerbread. And they're like big gingerbread cookies from Costco.

You're, you're, you're a woman now. What? You have a Costco membership.

Oh, I'm not fully a woman because it's like based off of your Costco membership.

But you still are shopping at Costco like you— Oh, absolutely.

Listen, Costco has great gifts. Costco has fantastic gifts. I've been going through there, like, making notes on what I need to buy. They have fantastic gifts. They do at Costco. They do. Yes.

So our gingerbread houses come from Costco. You're saying gingerbread cookies now. Um, what else did we do that are in our first home? Okay, so there's this book we would read every year. I've actually talked about it on The Christmas Collection, I think, before. It's called Jotham's Journey. You start reading it, um, either Thanksgiving Day or the day after Thanksgiving, and it's an Advent book. You read it every night up until Christmas Eve. And, um, somebody told me about it, probably on a homeschool board. And so for the first— no, no, no, no, this is what I'm gonna do this year. I'm gonna read it to Joel, and I'm gonna record it so that you can play it for your kids. Okay. So then if I get hit by a bus next year, then they will always have my voice reading them this story. Great. Um, so, but like, again, trying to do it basic, when I first got the book, it had— it wants you to get an Advent wreath and the menorah— not the menorah candle, but some kind of candle situation. And I didn't have all that, so I just read it. And every night I just had a can— like a candle from Target— and I would just light the candle. And so I was doing it the half-baked way. They would get hot chocolate, or the chocolate, the hot chocolate every night with whipped cream.

That's why I was like, read the Jotham book.

And I would go to Costco and get the red tin full of cookies. Yes. Okay, because— and every night you could have 2 cookies. 2 cookies and a, uh, and a hot chocolate, and then you'd have to listen to me read. And we did this every year for like 10 years. And so, like, cheap holiday—

yes, I'm adding that to the list. I might not read Joffrey. We're gonna find some. I would rather read the Bible.

No, we read the Bible on Christmas Day.

I know, I'm just saying.

I mean, it's like a Bible story though.

I wonder if the kids would like it. We'll see.

Do you do anything like what— when you think about your first home, what— when you got into your first home, what were you doing? I was decorating.

I was putting wreaths on everything.

Decor has never been my thing.

You know that. We had a party for Ellie.

Oh, what kind of party?

That first year. I was looking back on pictures and like December 8th.

What kind of party? Oh, is that the one where you had the strawberry milk?

We've had— we had two parties for her. The first one was like a pancake breakfast party. So we had like pancakes and I think strawberry milk from my last bottle. First child. First child.

And then— because all you were thinking about is the photo op.

No, I was thinking about I want to give her a good birthday.

That she wasn't going to remember? So when we told you, you don't need to do all this because she's not even going to remember it. What were you thinking?

You said that she could have fun on the day. I like to make things pretty. There we go. But it's not for the photos. I just enjoy making things beautiful. So it's about you. I enjoy— Exactly. —making things beautiful— For you. —that other people can also take part and enjoy. But if they aren't there, I'm going to still make it look good. For you. I don't understand the point that we're trying to prove here. I'm confused. That it wasn't for Ellie, it was for you. No, I did it so that she could have a fun, beautiful birthday party. Am I missing something?

No, I'm just making the point that it was for you. There's nothing wrong with that. So for me, for me, I'm interpreting what you said because I know what you're really saying.

That's not what I'm saying.

That is what you're saying.

You just don't know yet.

You need more therapy for that.

I need more therapy for this conversation. Jesus. Okay.

No, but I think Nonni would say that. She would say during the holidays, let everything that you do be an overflow of you, like, so that you enjoy it. So what I enjoyed when y'all were younger was memory stuff. I didn't enjoy— I still don't really enjoy the decor, but I love the memory stuff. Hence the homemade ornaments. Hence the— remember when I made y'all string popcorn? That was the most tedious. We only did that one year. You remember that? Kind of. Yeah, it was terrible. You were like, for real, are we supposed to stick this needle in the—

I'm like, why would I put it on a tree when I could just eat it? Something is not computing. We did the, the, the construction paper rings.

Do you remember doing that? I do remember that. Yeah, did that. Cheap, easy, cheap, easy Christmas in my first home. I was like, if I get a tree up, I'm good. I'm good. And you putting snow on the fireplace and stringing mistletoe from things.

No, it's so that they can feel like they had a magical Christmas. At one? Yes, because that is when it starts. Okay. You've got to cement it now.

Listen to her, folks. Start when they're one.

Because I don't remember. I don't remember every Christmas from Nonni. I just remember—

Just remember where I sent the dog back.

Yes, because that was a core sad memory. But I don't remember specific Christmases. I just remember it was a Christmas wonderland. And that theme just covered that. That is just the theme. It was a Christmas Wonderland. So you got to start now.

So, out of curiosity, when you look back to that first home, you did not get Christmas Wonderland for me. What do you remember about Christmas? Like, what's your overarching thing about Christmas?

From Nani? No, for me. Uh, that we went to Nani's house.

So wait, all of the gingerbreads and the readings and the, and the making of gifts and the, like, that did not connect to you at all? We did that.

Yeah, that was nice.

So there was no overarching core memory from that?

That was fun. That was nice. That was fun. I like, I still, I do the gingerbread house with my kids. So that was fun. But I think what I liked about Nonni's house—

Wait, I'm not talking about Nonni right now.

—was the fact that you would just go and it was Christmas and you would just sit and she would bring you eggnog and y'all would watch Christmas things. So it wasn't as much about doing as it was just being.

Okay, because at my house, it was doing. That's right.

And I'm not saying that's a bad thing.

No, I utilized her help a lot.

Yes. I think what resonated with me most was just the being. At Nonni's house.

I went to Nonni's house and I was being too. It was great. Yes. Okay.

What's next? I still do the things that we did with the kids because they enjoy those types of things. Hey there.

I hope you're enjoying this podcast episode. I'm breaking in to make sure you know about something very important. If you're a speaker, a writer, or a podcaster and you've ever thought, I wish I could pick Chrystal Hurst's brain about her speaking, her writing, or her podcasting, I have just the right opportunity for you. Our 2025 Communicators Cohort is gonna kick off on January 30th, and I would love for you to be in the room. I've taken the best of the knowledge that I have, put it into a course, but instead of sending you on your way to do the course by yourself, I wanna bring you in the room with other communicators who wanna learn alongside you. It's community meeting accountability and coming in both ways to talk to me. So go to chrystalevanshurst.com/cohort for more information. So I know you talked about just kind of making your own memories and really struggling with like, what do we do if we're not at Christmas for Nonni's? I had to figure that out. One of the things that we still do is we have a 3-day Christmas, and so the eve of the eve, we'll spend time with my husband's family. They come to our house, whoever he wants to invite, whoever, all the extra cousins. If we haven't seen them, they know they are welcome on that day. And we— I cook, we dance, we have fun. The eve of Christmas, Christmas Eve, that was our Christmas. So we woke up and did Christmas like I remember doing it as a family, opening gifts. Daddy would read the Christmas story, I'd make the big breakfast, we would do all of that. And then Christmas night, we would go and look at lights. We did that every year, packed in like sardines. Went to the same place every year, spent the night at my mother's house, and then Christmas morning we would go to hers. So I never split it up. I just made Christmas longer. And the kids liked that because they were like, it's just a week of Christmas. Yeah. So what have you figured out with in-laws now? You have a plan?

We're still figuring that out, but I think what we've— what we're getting closer and closer to is Christmas Day we have to start our own family traditions. And so, and honestly, on Christmas Day, like, we want to be at home. We don't feel like going anywhere on Christmas Day. So we're edging closer and closer to doing that. Um, and for now, we have invited, like, my mother-in-law to be at our house for Christmas. She was there last year, which was really nice because my husband has his mom there. Um, we're still able to, like, have our family Christmas while including her. And then like come to your house a few days before Christmas. But I mean, we're still figuring it out because if we were alone and also I will say the thing that I have to remember is Nonnie and Poppy were in Dallas and neither one of their parents—

Well, no, Nonnie's parents were here.

Oh, that's right. But they did New Year's.

But in the beginning.

They did New Year's. Right. Yeah.

So they, yes. So my point is that they started and established their own Christmas.

They were the nucleus.

And didn't have to think about, oh, we gotta go here. Oh, we gotta go here. So you're still working on it. Still working on it.

Yeah, I just remember with small kids, one Christmas we got up, we did our Christmas at home, we drove to Fort Worth to go see my husband's family, and then we came to Nonni's house. And I had a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old, and I was like, we are never doing that again. We're never doing that. It was horrible. They were cranky, they were tired. And that was the year I said, we have to figure this— we have to figure it out. But I think the wisdom that I got from one person, she said, move it out of the equation. So whether you have to have your Christmas a week early, or whether you— your parents make it 2 days later, like, change. If you want to do everything, don't try to do it at— on the same day. You have to— your new traditions can involve other days, and you can be just as committed to those other days as you can actual Christmas Day.

Yes. And also, I do think that there comes a time where you have to prioritize your own nuclear family.

Oh yeah.

So that's what we're just trying to figure out, the pathway to that. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Because I think if you came to me and you said, okay, we're not going to do the big family Christmas and Ellie's birthday is the day before Christmas and we don't want to come, like, we don't want to— I would say, okay, well then let's pick a day every year. Let's put our family Christmas on another day so that we can all be together so you can do what you need to do with your kids. You know.

Yeah, we'll see what happens.

So what do you feel like, you know, you have to— you grow up, you have to make your own traditions, but then also things change, um, because we've lost some people. Nani's not here anymore. And who else? Who else is on the list?

Yes, Winter's not here anymore. Yeah, cousin Winter. Your daddy died also in that— in 2019. Josh's Dad passed away that same year. Um, a lot of people. Mm-hmm. Poppy's sister Aunt Bev passed away in 2019. So it was like a lot of loss all in one year before Christmas, a big holiday.

It's like, we're not gonna do the same thing we've always done. She's not here. And I remember saying to Priscilla, Anthony, and Jonathan, like about a lot of things, but holidays were one of them. I said, y'all, we just have to decide who we're gonna be. Like, if she's not doing— if things are changing, especially with grief and stuff, we still have to decide, like, somebody has to be the person who does X, and then another person has to be the person who does Y. Because at the end of the day, the reason why when you talk about your strong memories with my mom or with, you know, my dad, my sibling, when you're talking about that is because it happened every time. Like, we did— things that were consistent, um, and you decide what you're going to do. Do you take family photos? Like, is that something you do every year? Uh, no. So when do you do it? Just when you feel like it? When I feel like it. Yeah, I've had to release myself. Do you send Christmas cards? Sometimes. So do you feel like it's just what—

when I want to, when I have the time, when I have the capacity, if we take the photos. I'm not, I'm not a slave to, to Christmas photos.

Well, I know one of the things we used to do, we used to take photos at Christmas and Nonni stopped that because it was too stressful. So we started taking Christmas pictures in June. Yep. And then— but I said that because when people are gone, it's the memories and it's the taste in your mouth of what's left. You know, photos are a part of that. Rhythms are a part of that. Yes.

But we don't do— I don't say that we take pictures every year at Christmas because I take pictures all year long. So it's not reduced to like, we gotta do everything that we're gonna do for our family in this one season as it relates to photos. We are always taking photos.

So, so you just relieve yourself of that. Yeah.

December's already got a lot of pressure.

It does. It has a lot of pressure. Well, I, I think, you know, with just the changing in our lives with people not being here, it just kind of reiterates to me that it's the consistency matters, deciding what's important matters, the holidays being an overflow of you, that matters, um, making memories matters. Um, do you have any other things that you remember that, um, because when did y'all go to New York? Didn't y'all do New York?

Was that a Christmas time trip or not really? Yes. Cuz Noni loved New York at Christmas time. So yes, we would go to New York and go see the tree. We would go to like a, a bunch of the shows. We would just do New York at Christmas time, which was the best. Did you—

how many times did you go? Uh, a few.

I think at least twice that I can remember.

You know, she took me when I— in 2011, so I was 30, late 30s. And she did all the things. But I think, you know, when I think about what is important, the— she always did, like I keep saying, things that made her happy. And she did the thing— it was easy for her to do those things every year because it's what she wanted to do. And then we benefited from that. So when you think about that, what do you want to do? For Christmas? Yeah. What makes you happy at Christmas?

Um, having a plan. I think lots of the— well, no, I will say what makes me happy right now and what I'm trying to do right now is figure out things that Josh and I really like together and individually and making a plan to do those things. Holiday things in the month of December. So obviously, like, all the things we normally do— so we go see the Christmas lights, like, that is a normal thing. But what is fun for me right now is figuring out what can, what can be our thing. Like, what do we like that we can make our own, that we can instill in the kids? So I can't name any specifics because we're still trying to figure that out and what that looks like, but I do think it's fun for me to think about what feels like us. Like, yes, bringing in the things that we have both always done, but also it feels like us. One of those things is Josh— Josh's family, um, what is it? Not crawfish, but like, I've made it a couple times. Oh, gumbo. Gumbo. Like, Josh's family, like, yes. So what I've started to do is make gumbo for Christmas.

Did you get it right? Did he get it?

Is that even— I'm offended by that. Did I get it right? Yes, I got it right. Yes. So yes. So now I make that every year for Christmas. So that feels like us. That feels like something fun that we can do. So right now the fun is figuring out what is us that we're going to instill.

Now let's talk about a little bit gifts because we didn't do gifts this year because we wanted to just talk about traditions and what did we do growing up and all that. Um, when you were growing up too. So what are you thinking right now about gifts for your kids?

They're not getting nada. No, nothing. They are getting— I know y'all are going to watch this. You're not getting nothing. Not a thing. But that's not true.

Like, 3 gifts? Do you have areas? You're saying they're not getting anything?

No, we're gonna find a way to serve on Christmas. They get stuff on their birthdays. It's not about them. It's terrible. It's terrible in a consumeristic That's true. Society is terrible, but that's not what we're aiming for here, raising these kids. And also because they have 4 Christmases. They have a Christmas at your house, they have Josh's mom's Christmas, then they have our family Christmas at Auntie Stella's house, and then there's us. What? That's ridiculous. That's ridiculous.

No, it's great because that just means less for you. Like, they can open one gift at your house. You just don't have to do a lot. Because I just want to say this. One of my— one of the things that brings me joy or brought me joy, still does. But when little kids open the thing under the tree, that just makes— yes. The joy of Christmas, the joy of wondering what is in that box, of them shaking it. But we need a—

we need a hard reset. It's terrible. It's not. They will have 3 other Christmases.

You know how many pictures I have of you just with joy and excitement?

And they will have that same joy at the 3 other Christmases they will attend this year. They will get all of that same things. I need to know. We gotta do a hard reset.

Y'all can leave comments and tell me how you agree with that or not.

Hard reset.

Well, I just want to say that the joy for me has always been the joy of the kids is watching them have a good time. I would agree with that.

I would agree with that. And I would also say the not joyful thing for me is the entitlement of the kids.

I would agree with that as well. Hard reset.

That's what I'm saying. Maybe, maybe if I wouldn't have gotten gifts one year, we— it wouldn't have been so bad. Okay, last thing.

What is your favorite gift that you remember me giving you, Chelsea?

Okay, besides, besides Chelsea, the sewing machines. One year I got a new sewing machine. It was the good ones too, like Bernina. Like back in the day, that was the good— those were the good sewing machines. So it felt like you were investing in something that was important to me. So I got a sewing machine and then I got a serger. And if you don't know what a serger is, it like makes clothes look professional. And so that was like the best. I'm pretty sure I cried. I'm pretty sure I cried. And then I think one year, but this might have been my birthday, but Anthony bought me a guitar, like And, uh, was it an Ovation? I still have it. Is it an Ovation?

I have two years of Christmases where we gave you guitars.

Yes, I just remember the blue one that Anthony got. It was like a good one. Yeah, I wasn't saying that yours wasn't a good one because yours was probably the first one that invested in that, in that passion. I'm talking about the Ovation.

Okay, now ask me, what was my favorite gift? Oh, what was your favorite gift for Christmas? So when you painted the mural on the wall, there was a whole wall at the second house. There was a whole wall that she put words on the wall and it was like, we do fun, we do laughter.

Oh, I remember that.

I did that for Christmas. Yes. And she had Christmas paper all on the wall. So I had to take the paper off of my wall and she created—

You totally did that for me. I would be like, thank you so much. And then I was like, you painted on the wall. I can't believe you let me paint on the wall and you liked it. Loved it. I loved it.

How old was I? Maybe 20. Okay. Okay. Yeah. No, you weren't 7. No. Okay. Frontal lobe was— You were a known artist. You were a known creative. Like, I knew that you were going to do— you were going to do a good job. If there is anything that you would wish for this Christmas, what would that be?

What would I wish for? I don't know. I've gotten to that age where nothing is nothing. I like experiences. Yeah, I don't, I don't, I'm not a gift person. Like, things don't excite me anymore. I, I want experiences. Like what? Like, oh, you know what excite me? What? You just say, Karris, why does that involve me?

I'm just asking about a gift.

I thought it was like from you to me.

Well, let's see.

Go ahead. Karris, I'm gonna watch your kids for a week so that you and Josh can go. And that's not an experience. No, the experience is that I get to be without my kids for a And I get to relax. That's the experience.

Now ask me.

So what kind of gift would you love this year? What kind of gift would excite you?

It's the same. Seriously, it's the same. You'd watch Joel for a week so you could go. Yeah, but Joel will help you.

He'll help you with the kids. No, he won't. Joel is a big baby.

No, but seriously, it's still the same. It's just what makes this exciting for them.

Be like, sister, sister, sister, can I have some money so I can go get some snacks? Sister, sister, Ellie is messing with me. You know, because that's the truth.

That's the truth. And the thing is, I know, you know, you talked a little bit about that year where it wasn't necessarily the best year. And we were saying how, you know, there probably were those years where for Nani too, it wasn't. I know I had my own, but all the things that we do are about making the memories. Because if it wasn't that, if that wasn't the case, we wouldn't go to all these doggone Christmas programs because you got preschool programs, elementary programs, high school programs, and you got to go to this person's program.

Programs up the wazoo.

And then you, you, you sit there in the crowd for the 5 seconds that your kid is on stage and you got to sit through everybody else's situation. No, we leave. That— no, you don't, because they don't even give your kid back until the end. We leave. It's terrible. Well, Christmas is about doing what's an overflow of you. It is also— I have kids. Yeah, but that's why you can't leave.

That's exactly why we leave. If it's after 7:30, that's bedtime. If the kid has done their thing.

I sat through all your programs.

There was one of me for a minute, and then there were other people.

Okay.

Well, can't argue with that.

And you just getting started because your youngest is 6 months old, 7 months old. She hadn't even hit school yet.

All these girls, all this dance. Couple of them don't even have rhythm, and we're still doing dance. Still doing dance. Just watching them hop around.

But just remember all those things— I can't let them watch that. —that I did or that Nonni did that you were enjoying. Yes. And you have great memories from them. Yes. Except for Chelsea.

Except for Chelsea. So you're going to get a dog? When I was 18, I remember riding in the car with my mother. And I was just looking out the window and I said out loud, oh, I wonder where Chelsea is right now. I wonder if she's with a good family. And my mom looked at me and she was like, Chelsea's probably dead. Keep driving. And I cried at 18. So this is—

I was just stating the obvious. At that point, Chelsea would have been a 15-year-old dog. Chelsea's dead. I didn't say it like that.

Who says that to their child?

I didn't say it like that. I didn't say it like that. Isn't that— the average dog lives to be about 7 years old, right?

I honestly have no idea.

The moral of the story is don't get your kid a dog. No. Unless you are prepared. You know how big that dog is going to get. You're home to let the dog out, and then you're prepared to keep the dog. Because if dogs live that long, that would have meant you would have been in college and I would have still had Chelsea. I didn't want Chelsea. I only got Chelsea for her. A 4-year-old. Moral of the story, do not get your kids a dog. That's the moral of the story. Do what you want that's an overflow and they will enjoy it. Correct. So y'all, I hope you enjoyed this year, our trip down memory lane. There are some lessons. Do what's an overflow of you. Don't worry about Don't worry about it. They'll only remember 30%. And don't get your kids a dog. Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

This is Chrystal Hurst in my kitchen enjoying being off of my feet. And I just wanted to take a moment to get a shout out to my mommy, Lois Hurst, because every Christmas, every single Christmas, you have made wonderful memories for us with a beautifully decorated home, wonderful traditions, and fabulous food. Um, because we celebrate Christmas Day in our house a day early on Christmas Eve, I've gotten to experience once again, um, a minute effort at being you.

I am not you.

Um, because you have set such a high bar.

All I did this morning was cook breakfast. That's all I did was cook breakfast, and I'm tired, tired.

Um, up late at night opening gifts— I mean, wrapping gifts— and making sure that everything's charged up so I can take pictures of the kids, and having cinnamon rolls ready when everybody got up to hold them over until the big old pancakes, eggs, bacon, hot chocolate, orange juice breakfast. And then every Christmas after that big old breakfast, you went on to make a killer dinner. And I'm still in awe as to how you actually did all that. So I just wanted to give a quick shout out to my mommy for being a true kingdom woman and setting a really, really high bar. For me to attain to, not for me to meet, but for me to attain to. Love you.

Holy infant so tender and mild, sleep in heavenly peace. Sleep in heavenly peace.