Arielle Estoria on Coming Home to You
In this YouTube interview, host Chrystal Hurst talks with poet, writer, speaker, voice‑over artist, actress, and model Arielle Estoria about her 2023 book The Unfolding: An Invitation to Come Home to Yourself. Arielle explains how the book grew organically from journal‑like poems and micro‑blog posts she wrote during college, the pandemic, and major life changes. She describes her multi‑passionate career, the pressure to “choose” one path, and how she learned to give herself permission to be a poet, writer, performer, and model all at once. The conversation moves through the four phases she outlines in the book—Awakening, Eclipsing, Mending, Illumination, and Returning—using personal anecdotes about imposter syndrome, seasonal doubt, and the role of faith. Arielle shares concrete coping strategies (e.g., listening to inner cheer‑leading, leaning on her husband, treating life like a meal that shouldn’t be rushed) and reflects on pivotal moments such as marrying her husband during the COVID‑19 pandemic and repotting herself out of restrictive religious and cultural expectations. The interview also includes promotional plugs for Chrystal’s Inner Circle community and a women’s retreat, but the core of the dialogue centers on Arielle’s journey toward self‑acceptance, the importance of embracing all facets of one’s identity, and encouraging listeners to sit with darkness, trust the process, and ultimately “come home” to themselves.
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Y'all, you know who Ariella Story is, and if you don't, well then let me introduce you. This is not her first opportunity to be on the podcast. I've had the great, uh, privilege of talking with her before, but she's back and she's back bigger than ever. If you don't know who she is, follow her immediately. We have provided links in the show notes so you can find her webpage and her social media, but I'm really delighted to have you here, Arielle, today to talk more about the concepts and the content that you've put together in your latest book, The Unfolding, which I love the title for, but I might love the subtitle even more: An Invitation to Come Home to Yourself. You know that I'm all about that. Um, in my book, She's Still There, there's this idea that there's a girl there, and sometimes we spend all of life trying to take her to everybody else's home when really the best home for her to live in is the home she yourself is to her and being authentic, transparent, and willing to live in agreement with who you are and who God created you to be is an amazing journey to be on. So congratulations on this beautiful book, The Unfolding. It's beautiful. And congratulations on doing something very unique, which is the combination of prose, words, truth, encouragement, your wisdom with your gift, uh, of poetry. Um, you are a wordsmith, have always been. And I mean, I was looking at your book and just thinking like, it's just every time you start the prose or the poetry, it's this invitation. It's like this one, "Who told you?" It's like, what? "I do not remember the first time I was told that my body was not good, but I do know how deeply this disembodied root goes and how much I still have to fight myself to look in the mirror." I mean, what? It's like, it's like, what? You know, it's like, I'm just, you're looking at it and it's just like amazing. Your gift is amazing. And I'm so happy that your gift continues to make room for you. So let's talk about the book straight out. Now you've always been writing, um, microblogging on social, whether you intended for that to be a part of the book or not, but how did the unfolding become a, oh, this is going to be a book? Did you write first and like, I've written enough to have a book? Did you say I'm going to write a book? And then you wrote to fill in the gaps. What did that look like?
Yeah, so I say a lot of these poems, a lot of what you find in the book were things that like I just needed to speak over myself. I just needed to pray over myself. I needed to come to terms with, and I didn't— as I was writing it, I wasn't writing it to write a book. I was just experiencing it. So this is how I process. This is how I journal. This is how I heal. This is how I connect with my Creator. Like, this, this is just how my brain works. And then it got turned into a book. I had written the title The Unfolding in my notes in probably like 2017, 2018, but I didn't know if that was like another spoken word album. I didn't know if that was just a poem title. I just, I felt very strongly that it was a something, so I just wrote that in my notes and I just let it be. And then obviously as the pandemic happened, as life happened, as I got married, as all these things in my life started to shift, then I was like, Oh, The Unfolding is a book, you know, The Unfolding is a book. And I had already been approached to write a book previously to that, but when I was approached, I wasn't ready, and I didn't have these words, I didn't have this message, I didn't have this resonating, like, I have something to say and I'm ready to bind it and put it together. At that time, it was just, okay, that's a great idea, I know eventually I want to write a book. But then as things started to happen, um, it fully fledged into, I was like, oh yes. And so when I was reapproached and I had an editor, I mean, I had an agent at the time, and I was ready for a proposal, I knew instantly it's called The Unfolding, um, and here's what I think it's going to entail. And, um, I was very sure of this vision and what it looked like. And then obviously had a beautiful team to help me really bring it into fruition.
So I love how— I mean, there's so many things in what you said, your creative process timing, your deep knowing, and how this book coming to be weaved in and out of you doing other things. So if someone doesn't know you, they just learned about kind of some of the other things that you do, even on your website. And I'm looking at it right now. It says Arielle shares her voice through poetry, writing, speaking, voiceovers, acting, and modeling. And I love how you were able to combine all of those into she shares her voice. That is what you do and how you do it. The tracks that voice runs on are, are varied. Um, one of the, um, poems that you have in here is called All Along, and it says, a woman can be all things, both bright and bold, flickering radiance and stark beauty, daring and soft, wild and steady, quiet and audacious, able to pave the way of courage for herself and the women to come after. And this idea of being all things, you've obviously embraced that and you're embracing how how you show up in the world in different ways. But if I was a little girl who said, "I want to be a poet and I want to be a writer and I want to speak and I want to do voiceovers and I want to do acting and I want to do modeling," I can see that someone would say, "That's too much." Like, you got to pick something.
You got to choose.
Yeah. Yeah. So I want to know how you have been able to make peace with the variety of tracks on which your voice runs. How you've been able to manage, um, those different hows, how you have unfolded into being yourself and how you have had to maybe champion sticking with multiple passions, um, if you've been challenged ever to dial it back to one or two. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, I think at first I did make myself choose. Um, I'm the oldest child. So I had a lot of just naturally on myself responsibility to do the practical thing, to do the thing that made sense, to do the thing that was worth following the example of. So I went to college, I got a degree in psychology, and then I had an emphasis in theater because initially I thought I was going to do art therapy for children. And that was my path. That was going to be how I connected my creative and then also how I connected my left and my right brain. So I was like, this is what I'm going to do.. And I had set out to do that most of college. And then art just kept popping up, performing kept popping up. And I was like, no, I'm not meant to be on stage. Like, I was very sure of that at the moment. And then the more opportunities I got, the more chances, just door after door open. I was like, okay, maybe I need to lean into this little creative part of myself a little bit more. So I let myself lean into that in college. And psychology still carried the through line because I knew no matter what I was going to do, I was going to be interacting and connecting with people, and I wanted to know how to understand. I wanted to know how to connect, how to empathize, um, and how to utilize in whatever work that I did. So I ended up graduating with my degree in psychology with like an emphasis in theater, and throughout that time was doing poetry and was doing speaking. I was doing all these things. So I was already doing all of these varying things, and they were just naturally— God was just continuously opening those doors and those opportunities. So at first it was, it was already happening. Then it came terms to, okay, I can claim all of these things. And I, I have in my Instagram bio multi-passionate, because ultimately at the end of the day, I am passionate about every single one of these aspects that I get to live and dwell in and call work. Um, I also think as the left side of brain of me is like, this is the web in which I eat, pay rent, and thrive off of. So some days it's modeling, some days it's poetry, some days it's speaking, some days it's voiceover work, you know. So it's just, it came to the point where I'm like, I, I'm able to thrive and live and exist on every single one of these. And who am I to say that I'm, I'm not all of it, you know. And so I, it's really in the last few years where I've learned to embrace, I do all of this, you know, and It's definitely in each setting that when people ask, what do you do? My answers definitely fluctuate. And I have the permission and the space to be like, well, today I'm a poet, you know, today I'm an artist. Well, today I'm a model, you know, tomorrow I might be something else. But giving myself the permission and the fluidity to be all of those things. If I've been given these gifts and these talents, why would I say that I'm not one or the other? When every single one of them I do not on a regular basis, but on a consistent basis.
Out of all the things that you do, which one is the thing that you do the most or the most consistently?
Well, the one that I am the most is I'm always going to be a writer. I'm always going to be a poet. That's just— that's how I process. That's how I see the world. And that's so much ingrained in who I am and not just what I do. I do is model, you know, like what I do is act, but who I am is a person who is connected and driven by words and the power of words. And so I think I've learned so much of that as a part of me and all these other aspects that I get to do and that I love to do are these really beautiful extensions of me. But I think the writing and the poetry, that's just, I mean, I'm walking down the street and that's just how I process. That's just how I breathe sometimes. Sometimes. So those— that's very much so a part of, of who I am. And all these others do feel a little bit more like what I do.
Have you always known that? Have you always known I'm a writer, even if you didn't even know how to say, out of all the things I do, I'm a writer?
Sure.
Do you feel like even as a teenager you had a knowing, I connect with words? Yeah.
I mean, I was never a doodler in my notebooks. I would be writing little poems. I, I would be writing in my journal, like Words have always been who I am and, and how I connect the most. And so I've known that, I mean, even before high school, probably 4th or 5th grade, because that's where I thrived. All, uh, you know, English, that was the subject I had down. You know, communication, that was just, that was just part of how I was and who I was. Mhm.
What has doubt looked like? Where has doubt because you're a very accomplished person. But we all have it. We all have moments where, am I supposed to be doing this? Am I good at this? Am I good enough at this? Is this just something that's for me? It's personal. Can I make a living at this? When you think about all of your passions, can you share just, you know, to humanize you a little bit where you— not that you're not human, But you know, there's the reality that somebody is going, I mean, there's, you have this poem in here, you know, I'm human. I should not have watched the video. I should not have clicked the hashtag train. I know that that's not what that's talking about, but it had that in my mind to humanize you a little bit. Where have you gone? Like, I, I love these things. I'm, I enjoy these things. I think I'm kind of good at these things, but am I really?
Yeah. I think I experienced that almost every day. I think, I think I have waves and I think that's just the sense sensitivity of being a creative. Um, and, and this year that's been like kind of this— I was telling a friend yesterday— this weirdly slow build. Like, I feel like now we're in the middle of, you know, April, and I just now feel like the year is really truly getting started. So just a month ago, I was like, okay, good. Like, Lord, do I— am I getting a job? You know, like, how, how are we doing this? You know, like, what's coming up? And so I genuinely do think I experience this almost every day, if not at least every week, where it's like, is this, is this the thing, you know? And then something confirms it, or, or, or my husband is very much so reminds me like, chill, you're fine, you know, this is where you need to be, this is where you're supposed to be. And so I definitely go through those waves, um, almost seasonally if not weekly, um. And there's actually this, uh, interview with Quinta Brunson and, and Oprah where they talk talk about imposter syndrome. And, you know, Oprah asked Quinta, how do you handle that? And she was like, personally, I don't— I don't— who's imposter syndrome? I don't know her. Like, I worked really hard to get here. I worked really hard to do the things that I'm doing. And so that— I think about that all the time because I have imposter syndrome all the day. Like, like, this just innate fear that people are figure me out, whatever that even means. I'm not— I'm clearly not hiding anything. I wrote a very, a very raw and open book, but there's still this fear that I'm going to be found out, you know, that all of this is gonna— is gonna fall. But then there's the other end of it where I, I've learned to trust my gifts. I learned to trust the doors that God has opened and, and to walk through them. But I mean, by any means, I— there are moments where I'm very much so like, well, Oh, all right, time to wrap it up. Time to get another— time to get a job. Time to do the real thing. Um, which is just my fear talking a lot of times.
So when you are in those seasons and you talk about all the things that will confirm or encourage, or your husband's voice, maybe friends, maybe like you said, a door opens, that is a good impetus to, to keep to keep going. I think one of the things about coming home to yourself and the unfolding of your own story in your own life is that you more and more with time, with age, with practice, you get better at doing that for yourself. You get better at saying to yourself, this is a bad day, girl, just send the email tomorrow. Like, you know, you and you give yourself permission to have bad days. You give yourself permission to say, I know that this is not the end of the world. I know that the last gig I got was not the only gig that will, you know, the last gig that will ever come. But today I'm just feeling like I've sent all these emails out. Nobody's responding. Today I feel like I sat down with my paper and my pen, or I sat down with my computer, popped it open, and nothing came. Today I wrote what I thought was the most beautiful word ever and stuck it on my Instagram, and the least people ever liked it. And I thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world. You know, I mean, like, you have those days where you still are going to be like, Do I have magic? You know, I thought I had magic last month, but am I doing something in the world that matters? So do you feel like you've reached that point where you really can be, when needed, your own cheerleader?
Yeah, I really do think it depends. It, it just, it depends on the season. It depends on where I'm at. If I were to answer that in this present moment, Yes, I 100% know how to be my own cheerleader. If you would have said maybe last week while I was on my menstrual cycle, I would have been like, no, absolutely not. I was— that was like— so it just, it really, it really depends. I think where I'm sitting now, it's like, okay, you're gonna be okay. You know, things are, things are building, things are happening, conversations are occurring. You know, I'm getting more inquiries this week, so I'm feeling, you know, just a little safer, which is just just naturally how this career is just driven because we're so inquiry-based, because we're so opportunity-based. There is this weird leniency that you do have on like, am I good? And then you get the email, you're like, okay, okay, I'm good, I'm good. But you do have this wave that you're experiencing, um, and, and I think that's just a natural part of it. But while you're experiencing those waves, it's this core, it's this depth reminder of I've been carried so far, why would I continue to not be carried? And I think that's where I continue to come back to, is like, literally, God has brought me this far, just gonna drop me now? You know, like, and, and that's a— that could happen, but I do think there's waves and seasons to everything, and I can trust that I've been, I've been carried so far, and I think I can trust that I'll be continued, continually carried. I love that.
God has brought you this far. Is he going to leave you or drop you now?
No. Yeah.
No.
The answer is no.
Um, I think that, you know, you kind of referred to it a couple of times. You're like, this is how I eat. Like I need the things to come through. It's opportunity based.
Yes.
If tomorrow. You were like, I think my window of opportunity has closed for whatever the reason is, and I haven't gotten a response in a few weeks or a few months, or the responses I've gotten are not the ones I want. What would you— what would you do?
Um, I always say I would probably be a teacher. Um, if it was as soon as like right now, I, I might go work in retail. We love an Anthropologie discount. Um, so we might be at an Anthropologie. Um, I, I practice yoga, so I might work at a studio, a fitness studio, so that I can get discounted workouts. Um, I, I'm always gonna try— I like— I, I have options to fall back on. I used to be a teaching artist, um, and I missed teaching, so maybe I'll find another nonprofit and go be a teaching artist. Um, I think I'm at a point now where I'm not afraid of the possibilities. I'm not afraid of, um, not having an opportunity. I always think there are opportunities, they just look very differently than, than the way that I've been writing. So that, if, if it were to happen tomorrow, those are, those are probably my initial gut reactions where I would go.
And in that, what would you continuously do to stay true to you? Like, I know you keep writing, it's— you've been doing it your whole life, but if you went tomorrow and got a job, because I think, you know, I think this is the thing, people have a dream, we have a goal. We have a, we have a wish. We have a, we have a vision. And that's the thing that creeps in the corner. What if it doesn't happen? And sometimes I think we have to ask ourself the question, what if it doesn't happen?
What if it doesn't?
What is the worst case thing that could happen? But what is in between those two things is how do I stay true to who I am? Even if the outworking of that doesn't agree or fall in sync with the vision I thought it would be. And so, because who you are should follow you regardless of what you do to make a living. So what, what would you, how would you continue to come home to yourself? And I'm not envisioning a little bit, but I think when someone listens to you or a person like you, they're like, well, that's great. Like, you know, they go after this and look at your Instagram and see where you've been and see what you've done. They're like, Well, of course she can say that, you know, follow your dreams and come home to you and be true to your gifts and calling. But I think it's just kind of cool to explore. If you decided today to stop and get a job, what would be the ways that you would continue to be congruent and integrous to who you are?
Well, I, I'm always quick to say, um, like, what could seem like a quote-unquote overnight success. If you look at my Instagram, if you look at my website, those are highlight reels. Those do not take into account the last 10, 12 years of working 5 jobs, 6 jobs, of living with a family and their 5 kids in an attic because I was only paying $300 for rent and, and, uh, watching their kids. It doesn't take into account running out of gas because there are moments where I had to choose between gas in my car and eating food. And I needed gas in my car in order to get to the next thing so that I could eat food. So it doesn't take into account running out of gas in the middle of the street and having to push my car so that it didn't roll down a hill. Listen, speak truth, girl. And calling my parents and my parents being like, what? You have a degree. Why are you purposely doing this to yourself? And I'm not talking about like, oh, 10 years ago. I'm talking about in the last 5, 6 years. So the apartment I'm sitting in now, I just moved into 2019. That was not that long ago. The last job out of my 5 jobs that I got to quit was 2020. So none of this— all of this is very— I'm just now at a point where I'm writing this but this is 10, 12 years of work and putting things in. And I did an interview in the pandemic, and she asked the question of, I am blank even when blank, especially then. This is when all my gigs were gone. I wasn't traveling, I wasn't speaking, I wasn't doing modeling, I wasn't doing any of it. All I had was social media, and that was my my only platform to be an artist, to do anything. And so I answered, I am an artist even when I don't have a stage to stand on. Especially then. And the same goes with this. Like, I— that's— it's who I am. It doesn't matter if there's an opportunity or there's a platform or there's a stage. That is who Ariella Story Alita Wilburn Corfey has been made to be, and that's who she's going to be. So I am these things, even when there's no place, there's no platform, there's no opportunity for them, especially then. So I think that's where I'm at a point of like, I know who I am. I'm gonna be an artist, I'm gonna be a poet working at a front desk at a workout studio, working at an Anthropologie. Like, I'm gonna be that version of me. I'm gonna be who I am no matter what I'm sitting in. And I think that's what I'm posting. That's what I'm guiding, that this is who I've been made and created to be. And that could look so different tomorrow, you know, and, and I'm okay with that, um, because I have a trust with it. So I think there, there's something to— yeah, like watching people and it's like, this is how I did it, you know, copy and paste, good luck. I don't— I think things take time, um, I think things— I think things take orchestration and also trusting that your guide you, um, and that doors will open because you're trusting that. Yeah.
Let your gifts guide you.
I love that so much.
And I love how that's an example of what you did when you were, you were talking about your experience in college and just the doors opening. Um, I was talking to my dad recently and I had my, one of my sons with me and just was asking like, how did you end up here? And so So a part of that season, 18 to 25, everything that he described amounted to one thing: trying stuff. He said everything that I was kind of, sort of into, I tried. Like I would go to the meeting or I went to this, you know, this group, or I attended this class, or I met with this professor, or I went to this church, or I read this book because I just was looking for the places where the light got in and kind of going up to it and looking through the peephole and saying, what else is there?
Yeah.
It's the trying of stuff that shows you really where your gifting is and where your gifts are, where they make room for you.
Yes.
Um, but I know you mentioned this idea of sitting with things and, you know, the book that you wrote is organized. I love the words, the awakening, the eclipsing, the mending, the illuminating, the returning. And in the section where you talk about eclipsing, um, Um, you say this: I imagine that you have experienced seasons in your life when it feels as though only this darkness surrounds you and you're not sure if there's light on the other side. Maybe you're in that season right now. Eclipsing can be hard, painful, and lonely, but it's an important step in our growth. If I've learned anything from this unfolding process, it's that even when we sit in the darkness, we hold space for the shadows and know that beautiful things can still be birthed from them. You mentioned this idea of kind of sitting with it. So when you think about the person who's listening, that is sitting with it and sitting in the darkness, looking at the shadows, seeing cracks of light, but not full-blown illumination. Um, nobody wants to sit there. Uh, in fact, one of the things I say often is that we prolong the coming of the light when you try to fast forward, uh, the sitting in the shadows. If you, if you try to, if you try to microwave life, some of those things just won't taste good. You'll have a version of it, but it's a version of the real thing. And so generationally, I think there's a rush. I think culturally we're in a rush. I think social media has us in a rush. Uh, like you said, people are looking at the highlight reels and they want the success that's instantaneous or the, the acumen that took years to build. And so what would you say to someone who does feel like they are sitting in the darkness? They don't wanna hold space for the shadow. They see the cracks of life either in their own life or in someone else's, and they just wanna hurry it up. How, how would you encourage that person?— well, let me start with that. How would you encourage a person? And then I have a follow-up question for you.
I love, like, alliterations and things like that. So if we think about— I think nothing good, uh, nothing worth having is rushed. Um, if you think of a meal that's rushed, it tastes rushed. It tastes— you're just like, all right, at this point I'm just eating food because I need to eat food, but I'm not enjoying it. I'm not dancing a little from it. I'm just—
listen, the dance is real, girl, right?
I'm just eating it. You're not shaking, you're not, you're not having a moment with it, you're not savoring it. So I think that still applies to life, like when we try to rush through it. When you get to the part where you were trying to get to and it's rushed, you're out of breath, death. You can't even enjoy where you're at. There's no nourishment to it. There's no savoring to it because you didn't let it take the time it needed to take in order for you to actually get there and for it to be in fullness and fruition. And so, as I mean, at the end of the day, it just comes down to our patience. It— and not tolerance. It comes down to our patience, um, and it comes down to us not being able to sit in, well, what do I need to learn here? Who do I need to become, be shaped into in this sitting, in this shadowing, in order to be the person I need to be to enjoy the light, to flourish in the light? And I, my, like, I'm a plant, I got very into plants in the pandemic. And recently my husband has gotten his own little bonsai. So he got himself a little bonsai and—
oh, that's not into plants, that's like next level. Like, bonsai is next level.
Yeah, so he has his little bonsai and I have my 50 other plants. So I got plants just everywhere. There's one here, there's 4 in front of me, like we have plants everywhere. And he has his little bonsai. But in learning about the bonsai, a bonsai is literally a stunted tree. That's literally what it is. And as I'm learning about these plants that I've learned how to repot, how to bottom water so that they thrive, how to give them space to grow, I'm learning about this plant that is literally stunted, this plant that is literally conditioned to be small. Um, so when we think about when we're not allowing ourselves to sit into spaces in which we need to grow, in which we need to flourish, we are giving ourselves permission and space to be stunted, for our growth to not be to its fullness. And bonsai are pretty, they're cool to look at, but it makes me sad actually thinking about them because they're— they will only ever be this big because that's all that's given. But if we allow ourselves the tension, um,, in order to grow, if we allow ourselves the discomfort in order to grow, that's just a very small portion of us and our growth and who we can really form and fully become. Um, and I think we're, we're more than a bonsai, you know, like they're pretty for a moment, but they stay small, and we're not meant to stay small. But that means we have to have elements in which we can grow into fullness and fruition.
Woo! We were not designed to stay small. I don't know if that hit me like it hit you, but if it didn't hit you, let it hit you, because it's so important that you not play into the idea of dumbing yourself down or making yourself less than just so other people can feel okay, or so that you can even make sense of who you're supposed to be in the world. You don't have to make sense of it. You just gotta do you. I know it can be difficult to figure out how to totally embrace the gift of you in this world when there are circumstances in the world that do seem to wanna keep you small, or people that do seem to wanna keep you small, or maybe it's your own lack of understanding of who you are, what you're good at, and what your purpose is.. But I want you to know that you are special. You're not supposed to stay small, but you may need sometimes a little encouragement to remember that. That's why I'm putting out this podcast. That's why I'm sharing my guests with you today. But there's another something that I do that I've created to help you constantly be reminded about who you are and how important it is that you lean into you. That thing is my Inner Circle membership. If you need more encouragement from me or more engagement with a community of women who are all intent about living a life they love, living with intention and not wasting time, not being willing to settle for small, then you should check it out. You can do that simply by going to thesistercircle.com/innercircle. You won't be alone there because there are other women like you who want to lean into the gift of who they are in this world. That is an ongoing membership. But sometimes I know that we need extra special injections. You know, it's like if you ongoingly eat broccoli or you ongoingly drink water, that's good. But sometimes you just need to pay a visit to the doctor so you can get what you need to make sure you're a-okay. Well, I want to extend another invitation to you to something very special. I'm really happy about the opportunity to do that this year. In October of this year, 2023, I will be taking some girls with me to Cali, California, the northern part of the state, for the Sister Circle Retreat. Because sometimes, even if you're doing okay, or even if you're working on leaning into the gift of you, you just need an injection, an injection of time away, an injection of space, of stillness, of Sabbath rest, an injection of time with friends or meeting new people to, in a very powerful, potent way, get you going for the rest of your time back home. You can find out more about the Sister Circle Retreat by going to thesistercircle.com/retreat. I, I can't explain it to you other than to say we've only done it once, and that one time was amazing. Magical connections with women I could not have planned, experiences that I could not have created on my own, dreams that were born, decisions that were made, and a point in time that left many of the women who came never the same after that. So whether you choose to engage in playing up in your life and being the full version of you in your life by just listening to the podcast or listening or watching me on YouTube, listen, you can go deeper if you want because you can do that through the Inner Circle membership and also by joining me at the retreat in October. I hope you choose to find out more about both, and you can do that by going to thesistercircle.com/innercircle and/or /retreat. Now I'm gonna get back to my conversation with Arielle and figure out how she does this exactly. How do you you play into the fullness of you? I can't wait for you to hear the remainder of our conversation. What does that look like for you? What has it meant to reject the environment that would keep you small?
Yeah, I mean, I always come back to my parents named me Ariel, which is traditionally a male Hebrew name. I was actually in the airport last week and I heard this a Jewish man behind me called, he was like, "Ariel." The way he said it, I was like, I turned around and I was like, "Is someone with you?" Or he's like, "My brother." And I love my name. Ariel means line of God. And there's really no way of being a small existence, a small mindset, a small perspective when you have a name like that. And so I've really learned what it means to step into to my namesake, but I also have learned what it meant to not be my namesake, to apologize for the space that I took up, to be made smaller in worlds that I knew I was actually meant to expand. And it's stifling, it's exhausting, and it's not sustainable. We can't flourish as half of ourselves. We can't exist as small portions of ourselves and call call that living and call that sustaining and call that thriving. And so there's been a lot of, if you will, my own pots that I needed to break, my own grow pots in which I needed to grow out of in order to be put into spaces where I could thrive and where I could reach the fullness of who I feel and who I deeply know God has called me to be. What does that look like?
What pots? How did— how have you had to repot yourself?
Sure. Oh yes, well, even just like as a, as a woman, as a woman who feels she has a voice, um, as a woman who feels she's made to connect, meant that I had to disable a little bit of my Baptist denomination that in that conversation that says that women can't speak, that women can't preach, and I I grew up watching women not be able to be their fullest self because of that language and because of that. And so I had to break out of that pot where I'm like, okay, I keep getting put on these stages, I keep getting put in these conversations. So I think I'mma just let that be that where I was and where I came from, but not who I am and where I'm going, or even a faith and a spirituality that didn't include my body, um, that said I, I can't know how to be here and show up here physically as a Black woman, um, as, as a woman tapped into what it means, what I feel like it means to be feminine for me, and to connect with that and have that be something that's connected to God and, and, and to divinity and holiness. And so I think those have been in the last few years, the boxes. And then just very typical conditioning of women being made to be small, to not be able to take up space because you're too this, you're too that. And I really held on to those languages. Even meeting, meeting my husband, I was like, you know, I'm a lot. I'm a lot, you know? And he just was like, where, where, why do you keep saying that? Where is is that coming from? You're not a lot. Um, you're not too much. And having to rework, um, those for myself. And, um, yeah, I think those are the— those are the grow pots, or those are the pots in which I've had to outgrow.
I love that when you said your husband, you had to talk to me, you were like, I'm too much. I love that. But when you said that, I'm just curious, when you were saying that to him, when y'all were dating or whatever, Was it kind of like, I need to warn you, I'm a lot? Was it kind of like, I just want to make sure you know what you're getting into? Was it kind of like that?
It was a warning, but I was only giving that warning because I was told that's what I was.
Okay, I just want you to know, I said that too to my husband. Like, I literally said a lot of things. One was, I'm a lot, you know. I even said to him, I might be borderline, a little crazy. I just like, I want I want you to be aware. I don't want you to feel bamboozled. I don't want you after the fact to be like, oh my God, what did I get myself into? Because I also know how to contain myself. I know how to present. I know how to— I know that a man is supposed to feel, you know, this certain kind of way and honor and all that. I know, I know how to bottle it up. So, right, you know, it's almost like code switching. I know how to use my vernacular in a way where you may or may not know what color I am when you talk to me on the phone. I know how to do these things. So when I show up and slip, you know what I'm saying? When I show up and, you know, and do whatever I'm going to do in the workplace or do whatever I'm going to do in a relationship, I actually want you to just be warned that I knew who I was before I got here. And I didn't mean to bamboozle you. It's just I've gotten so good at knowing how to contain or displace myself in different scenarios. So while I am committed to being who I am, I've had so much practice with containing who I am. I have always felt the need to give warning just in case I go full Chrystal on you. I just want you to know what could happen. And so I like hearing you say that even though the heart of it was full disclosure, the root of that is I had to disclose something that at some point I had been told wasn't good. That's, that's what that implies.
Wasn't good and needed to have a disclosure. The fact that we can't be who we are without permission or explaining, and a lot of that comes back to we were told those needed to be fixed, we were told those were wrong, wrong. Those— we were told that ourselves was— you needed— you're a lot, you need a disclaimer. We were— those were things we had to learn along the way, and then we became really good at just beating everyone to the punch before they could even get there. But that also just makes— breaks my heart, because that means that we've continuously had to put up walls. We've continuously had to create language to disclaim ourselves when there, there is no disclaimer. A person who loves you and your fullness is ready for the ebbs and flows in which you exist because they know that's who you are. And it's not, oh, you need to be aware of X, Y, and Z. It's, this is who she is. And if that is something that is too much for you, if that is something that whatever, then that's not your people. And I do think that, you know, people are like, I'm not for everyone. I do think there's that phrasing. And I, because I do, we can't be for everyone, that would be exhausting and not sustainable. So it's fine if we aren't. But I think where we get all that from is that we were told that we couldn't be those things in the first place. We were told that we can't be the switch. We can't be the fullness of who we are. And, and I think that's the work we're having to undo now.
So good.
So very good.
You talk about the illumination, and, um, you define it as a space of revealing new perspectives, fresh eyes, and a new light. It's the moment when the morning comes and as you open the blinds or curtains, the light peeks through just a little. It dances on your skin and reminds you your head is above water. Breathe. Feel the light on your face again. You're okay. Um, I know that illumination comes in many forms about who we are, what we're supposed to do in the world. It comes and it, um, challenges the beliefs that we've about what's possible.
Yeah.
But I know illumination really is a lot about perspective and how we see the world. It is the challenging of worldviews. Why do I think this way? Why do I act this way? Is this true? Is this a box that is good for me? It prevents, uh, it prevents danger. Um, this boundary is a good boundary, or is this a boundary like we've just talked about that keeps me small? And just like traveling the world helps you to see that the world really is a bigger place and enlarges your thought processes to what could be. Traveling outside of given boundaries can be helpful. Sometimes it can be dangerous and you realize that those boundaries were good for you, but sometimes it can be helpful because you realize that the world really is bigger. I'd love to know what has been challenged for you in your thinking and what new perspectives did you not have about you or your world? 10 years ago that you have totally new thinking about now?
Yeah, I mean, even just, just what we were talking about, you know, the fact that I, um, that I for so long, especially growing up, just was like, you, you take up too much space. And, and the reality that I've learned is like, no, you take up the space that you've been created and made spirit to take up. So even that subtle shift, um, the shift that I can't have a faith in a spirituality that allows me to know, um, that I am a mind, a body, and a spirit, um, that I can be fully here and now, and that is connected to not only my physicality but also my spirituality, um, that I can have a marriage and a relationship where I am also heard and seen in what is happening. And that is a partnership that has shifted for me, that I can include who I am as a Black person in the conversation of everything. That has just been something that I've had to undo a lot of because I wasn't necessarily raised with being aware of my Blackness, of who I am as a Black woman, as a Black African American woman, and however I define myself in whatever moment that means for myself. And also that this— the world, that there's so much, like you were saying, that it's, it's so much bigger than we've been given sometimes the opportunity to see or to know and how expansive that feels and how inviting and exciting that can feel. Um, and yeah, those are the ones that come, that come off the top of my head. Um, and then in that illumination space is, is that there's, it's, there's like so much warmth there, and, and there's so much invitation to, to the more. Um, and improv, like within acting, there's an exercise where you say yes and, like you cannot not say no to your partner. If they say they're— the moon is falling from the sky, you have to say yes. And actually, I think it's a pizza, you know, like you can shift the conversation, you can expand it, but you can't limit it and you can't say no. You have to be willing to say that there's yes and, that there's yes and there's more to this story than we've been made to believe. And I think I'm finding where there are more to the story and so many different elements and aspects of my life.
What does this look like in terms of the faith conversation? You talk freely about faith. You've talked even, um, on social media about kind of this reckoning with faith. And you mentioned it just a little bit, just in your last thing about who you are and what you're supposed to be as a, uh, as a woman of faith in this space.
Yeah.
How has illumination become real to you in that area? If you can talk a little bit more about that.
Yeah, I think it goes back to including my body in my spirituality. I, I practice yoga, and I, and I— growing up, that was like a very like, ooh, can't touch that, can't do that. But that is the place where I connect and I commune with God probably the most, because it's the only place I allow myself to actually be still and to listen, um, because I'm a mover and a doer. So even in, in that conversation, and again, that comes back to also my body, that this is a place where I pray, that this is a place that I commune, that we have scriptures about our bodies being a temple, um, but then also so much of our narratives is that we ignore it and that we don't tune in, as if God is not here, um, and alive and moving and breathing and speaking and existing, um. And so there's that element to it. There's, as a woman, that I can have conversations, that I can also be a teacher. I don't, I don't know if I ever call myself a preacher, um, but I do think that I have, I have things that I've been called to share, that I've been called to speak, not just to women, but whoever it, uh, whoever is receptive to it, whoever it identifies and connects with. So those have been probably the most monumental aspects when it comes to my faith and spirituality, where I've just been like, God, like, can you just come down real quick and just be like, yes, no, you know, like, can you just lay it out for us real quick? And we don't, we don't get that, you know, which is frustrating sometimes. And so how do we lean into what we don't know? And I think for me growing up up so much was, this is what it is. And I'm like, but, but is it? Like, how do we not know that God is still moving and speaking in such new and expansive ways right now, in this very moment? Um, yeah, that's where I find myself right now.
Yeah, that's good. That's good. You say, um, towards the end of your book, um, there's a poem called called Voice. It's in the section where you talk about returning. You say, so this is the moment. This is the moment when you dare to get up, shake off the fear, shake off the doubt, dance your hardest, listen to the music your very feet orchestrate. And when you found the tune, grab someone's hand and sing it to them too. Because the most powerful thing you can do when you finally know who you truly are is to remind someone else of who they are too. And when you say, you know, this is the moment, I do think that for all of us, while so much of life and the unfolding of life and coming home to yourself happens gradually, and much of the clarity that we have happens with hindsight being 20/20, you look back and you notice there are defining moments. So I would love to know about maybe a defining moment where you have a clear memory that the light went on, or a clear memory that you made a decision, or a clear memory that, you know, even if it was traumatic, that that was an inflection point for your life that brought you into a greater comfortability with yourself. Mm. Yeah.
I'm like pinpointing out, I think the moment that kind of connects all of it is marrying my husband. We got married prime COVID, May of 2020. That was not the plan. We obviously did not expect to get married in a pandemic, but we had chosen that date and we really just wanted to stick with it. I'm the oldest So it was a lot of breaking some, just some generational things to, to get married, to choose who I wanted to get married to, to know that I was creating a partnership in, in, in, in a conversation that was equal. This is my spouse, this is my partner. We are in this conversation together, that I'm a part of this. And so even that of just, you know, breaking those barriers and what other people want for you and who they think you should be with and shouldn't be with. And so for me, it was like, nope, this is my person. I knew from day one that he was my person very clearly. I was like, I'ma marry this man. And I've never felt that way with anyone ever in my life. And so choosing him was not just choosing him, but choosing him was knowing and trusting that I can trust the decisions I make, that I can trust the way I've been guided and orchestrated up into this point. And that this yes for me, this next God thing kind of only made sense to me and not to a whole lot of other people around me. And now we're almost 3 years and I still am just in awe of what we're building and who we're creating. I just love doing life with him. And I wake up and I'm very just overwhelmed with how blessed I am to be in a partnership where I feel so seen and even more so drawn in and connected to, to who God has created me to be and where God has called me to go through this person who I get to do life with. So that has probably been one of the biggest decisions because it was one of the biggest decisions I've ever made, um, in my life so far, besides moving to LA and deciding to live and create a career and a life here, but also marrying this person who I'm like, ah, no, this is, this is my person. And it, and just like my career, it kind of seemed crazy to a lot of people around me, but it feels so right and so, um, on purpose for me.
But I think that's the thing when you're coming home to yourself You have embedded in you to some degree the home where you were brought up, your history, your experience, your family, right? Coming home to yourself is dog-eared. It is earmarked by decisions that you made that catered to more of your individuality, which may be a little bit different than exactly who you were brought up or cultivated to be and those decisions, um, because you are forced to separate and say, that was a part of me, but this is who I am now. This is what I want. This is what I feel God is calling me to. And that, that moment is defined because it's a breaking away. And I think that's the hard part. Um, I know that you talked, you know, in your book about letting go and there there is no growth without release. There is no coming home to the version of yourself that you're getting to know without the release of the version of yourself that you thought you knew or that people knew before you began to know yourself well. There is, there's no space to hold the unfolding of you. Without releasing parts of you that, that aren't supposed to go with you for the duration of the journey. And some are, but many are not. And so I love your journey of release. I love your journey of invitation. I love your journey of proclamation over your life and the life of others. And I love that you put so much of your encouragement, um, in this book, The unfolding, an invitation to come home to yourself, to invite others on the journey with you. Thanks so much for being with me, Ariel. It's been a pleasure to chat with you again.
Thank you for having me. You as well. Thank you so much.
