Bianca Olthoff on The Power of Grit

Y'all, y'all, if y'all don't know who Bianca Oldhoff is, you are living under a stinking rock. I don't know where you been. I don't know what you've been doing. I don't know who you've been listening to because she's everywhere. And I'm so grateful to have my friend on the podcast today. If you didn't already know, she's already joined me once. It was in person. I grabbed her after an event we were both speaking at and she and I and Jada Edwards I was like, just come in this room over here real quick. And I brought— I mean, y'all, y'all think— y'all look at my stuff, y'all think I'm so together. Listen, I'm always on a wing and a prayer. I had a tripod, a cheap tripod, and a camera I had gotten from Costco. And I set up the camera and I was like, let's just talk about what— I don't know. It was great. It was great. It's still one of my faves to this day. But y'all, Bianca loves Jesus. She also loves keeping it real, and I am glad to welcome her to the show today. Thanks for joining me.

Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. You said that I was your friend, but you want to know something? I'm going to say there's more in this friendship that needs to be discovered because every time I talk to you, I love talking to you and we don't talk enough.

I would love to talk to you about that for a second. You live a life like me a little bit. I think your life is different in a lot of ways because how many times— okay, how many times a year are you speaking? Not church on Sundays. Like, what is your, your roster normally has you? How many?

How many?

What's the number? What to what?

So, um, Prior to— so my husband and I planted a church 4 years ago, um, very prophetically right before COVID So we clearly heard from the Lord. Yes. Um, so we, we planted a church, and in doing so, uh, I knew that my time in like traveling and sowing into the Capital C Church was gonna like be pulled back. So, um, I am the primary communicator at the Father's House Orange County in Orange County, California. And so I don't— I'm, I'm there every Sunday, and so I preach about 3 times a month there. Um, but traveling on the road, it's probably, I'd say anywhere from 26 to 30.

That's still a lot. That's a lot.

I know, it's crazy. It's muy loco.

So you, you preach on Sundays 3 times a month, and then on top of that you're somewhere else on average 2 times a month.

Dramatic.

No, maybe, oh yeah, it don't matter if you drop it down to 20, it's still a lot. Okay, so here's the question. What does it look like for you to cultivate relationship in your life? Like, I know you see your husband, you sleep with your husband, you go— y'all do all the things in the house. I'm talking about like what we were talking about before, like how does that work for you to have intentional connection? Do you have what you need and how do you keep what you need current?

Okay, so this is how I broke it down. This is actually, uh, adult friendships are hard to manage, to navigate, and to cultivate. They are. And so when we long and we pine for those moments of our high school friends or our college friends, why? Because we were forced to be together 5 days a week. And we had this similar life stage of like boy drama, girl drama, sports, Friday Night Lights, you know, so all these shared experiences fostered a false sense of community. When you go into adulthood, even though you were close with somebody, life changes. Someone gets married or someone has a kid, someone has a divorce, someone moves. So it's so hard to navigate. And so the language that I've put around is we have to be wise in classifying, okay, who Who are our core friends? Those are our ride or die, ride or die, like, and you cannot manage more than 3 to 4 core friends. Then you have close friends. Close friends are people that you can kick it with, you hang out with. There's a level of vulnerability, um, or excuse me, a level of transparency, but you have to be cautious in vulnerability, you know, like you will hang out maybe 1 to 2 times a month. You work out, maybe go to church together, your kids hang out. Those are close friends. You can count on them. If you're stuck at the market, you ran out of gas, you can have that person come pick you up. And then you have the, um, uh, convenient friends. And so those— or I like to say casual— those are someone that you maybe have a work relationship with, or you might see them at church, maybe they're in your small group at church where you, you like them and you can have them pray for you. And you can have lots of casual friends and you can have some close friends, but you can only have a few core friends. So to answer that question, I have a great group of core friends. Like, I am so blessed. I am so blessed. Like, ride or die. I intentionally don't really have a lot of close friends, and I ain't got no casual friends. I ain't got time for casual friends. I really don't. I don't. And I'm unapologetic about it because I am— my husband and I are leading a church. I'm a writer. I'm a podcaster. I'm a stepmom to two teens. Um, I, I love playing tennis and I love working out, and so my world feels very full. And I'm Mexican, so I have like 85 I got 1,000 cousins and, you know, aunties and uncles. And so like, I got a whole other family side of thing too. So I just have made a very conscious decision. I will invest my very best to my close friends and, uh, or to my core friends, and I will, um, make sure I'm intentional with my close friends. And I don't have any casual friends. But here's what I am saying. I do not have— I'm telling on myself— I don't have ministry friends. I don't have ministry friends.

Why is this?

You know, I don't know. So, okay, so is it because they technically fill, fill in the casual spot?

And I mean, because it's like, that's kind of what I'm saying. I think like when we're talking about you and me, I feel like if I come to Irvine and say, come on Bianca, let's go to dinner, that is, that is an intentional decision to take a casual, convenient— that's basically a situational friendship. Like there's there's a connection or an attraction and you say, let's, let's see if because we share this thing, even though we don't have this real life everyday city situation, whatever, we share something that is so unique that we can have a conversation and hit a lot of the same things in one conversation because we don't have nobody else to talk to about it.

Absolutely. So I know this sounds like super intense or whatever, but my dad was a Marine. Um, Semper Fi. And I think in them being like having that military mindset, like you could speak to somebody who's been through war and you, you don't gotta say much.

Yeah.

To know what they've seen.

Yeah.

To know what they've gone through. And so you, um, and Jada was another person. Um, even somebody like Shelley Giglio.

Yeah.

I don't orbit in their worlds, you know, but I can have a conversation. And every time I'm around you, I'm not saying this because you're on the call, I'm saying this because literally every time that I'm around you, there is One, you have an ease and a safety about you, which is why people are attracted to you. But then from a ministry standpoint, you still love— I have a lump in my throat— you still love the church.

Yes, I do.

You still love the church. And I don't know your story, but I could safely assume that there's been a lot of hurt that you faced and abandonment from people in the church that you wanted to trust and couldn't trust. Maybe even asking God, why didn't you come in and do this when I know that you are all-powerful and sovereign and good? You know, there's a lot, there's a lot there. But the fact that you still love Jesus, you're still committed to your family, you're still committed to the bride of God, bride of Christ, like I see you and I'm like, I just know I like you. So I don't necessarily know if there's a category that I could slip you into, you know, close or casual or, you know, core, whatever. But I think ministry realm for me is sometimes I just want to sit across from somebody and like Rosie Perez in White Men Can't Jump. Billy, when I ask for water, I don't want you to give me water. I want you to tell me, I too know what it feels like to thirst. And sometimes I want to sit across from somebody, I don't want you to fix my problem. Don't give me a cup of water, just say, I thirst. And every time I talk to you, I get that.

So yeah, you know what the thing is, and I, I was, um, I've been told many times, I do a lot of stuff, um, and one of the things that people will usually tell me first, when they look at all the responsibilities I have, is the church. What you do at church, um, how you're involved with church, it takes the most from you, um, and gives you the least. It fills your cup the least, but it takes the most from you. And, um, My response is always, that may be true, but it's my church. And there are ways, you know, that the Lord— and you know this— you, you, you people will take, and, um, you're working with— you have to be wise with your resources and all these different things. But there's a feeling that comes from serving the Lord's church that you don't get any other way. Unless you're just in the grind with it. And you know, you have to be wise and everybody can't have everything on tap. However, that's the way God made it. He made it that way. His church is his bride. So when you are kind to his bride, there is a kindness that you experience at the hands of the Father himself in your own life that you don't get. I'll never forget, What is her name? Liz Curtis Higgs. When she spoke, I was with her the last time, her last speaking engagement. And she said, I'm so very excited. She said, I've been scattering seed for decades. And now in this next season of my life, I'm going to be there for the planting of the seed and the harvesting of the crop. I'm so excited to put my feet on the ground and serve his church from beginning to end, to watch people come to Christ, watch them grow, and watch them disciple other people. And there's something special about that that you don't get. And I mean, I love speaking, I love all that, but it's one— it's another thing to see people grow in maturity. And, and you get that serving in his church. So I, I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying. I, I'm curious though, um, I know that you have, uh, your latest book, right? It's talking about grit. Grit Don't Quit. And that's a big message. But I want to ask you specifically about the grit, the lessons in grit that you've gotten serving God in his church. Because I don't know about you, honey, but listen here, as much as I love Jesus, there's also nothing that has made me want to quit as much or as often as God's people and God's church. So, Lord, yes, yes. So talk to me about that. What are some of the things, maybe even practical examples if you can, without naming names, but what are some of the things that sticking with God's church has taught you about not quitting?

So I think one of my strong suits, um, I mean, you come, you hail from a crop of just exegitical Bible teachers in deep, rich theology, which I love and long to emulate in my teaching and communication. But I come from a family of storytellers, and so I will answer this, but let me just paint a picture first and as quickly as possible. Um, you know what I love about your podcast is that it never goes in the way that you kind of assume that it's gonna go. So I'm very excited that we get to go down this road. So, um, we were, we were church planners, and the church, uh, we actually were open for a short— for, for less time than we were closed during COVID Okay, so in the few months that we got to be there as a body, um, we were a mobile church and we, we rented this venue. And I found the venue that I wanted. It was gorgeous. They actually rented it for, for weddings and it was all this other stuff. And my husband's like, Bianca, we don't have money for this venue. And I said, my God owns a cattle on a thousand hill. I've got faith. I've got faith. Well, we didn't have the money. We couldn't rent it. And also the Lord knew it was too small. It only held 200 people. And we ended up having like so many people come on our first day, and God was gracious. We start— we were growing very fast. And so anyways, we get this janky, busted venue. Busted, busted, can't be trusted, toe up from the flow up, honey. But you want to know something? I'm, I'm, I'm boujeto, okay? That's bougie and ghetto. So I pipe and drape this entire venue, and we have seat covers. I got scent machines because next door there was a curry house, and on the other door there was a Chinese restaurant. So we had wafting aromas. Awakening Aromas, okay? And this venue was so busted, it like, no matter what we did, every Sunday we would roll up at 5:30 and there would be something wrong with the venue. But my favorite was on this one particular Sunday, we came in and the men's restroom were missing not a toilet handle or like a toilet cover, a toilet. They were missing the men's toilet. It was a hole in the ground. I said, what is this, Bangladesh? Where, where are we? What is going on? And on this one particular Sunday, we were cleaning up the bathrooms and Um, we were, uh, there was like red stains going across the wall. It looked like blood. There was drug paraphernalia and empty beer bottles and all this other stuff from the show the night before. But I didn't— I, I'm not putting two and two together. I go into what is like the pastor's green room and we're like cleaning it up, and I hear this scream from a young guy. And he's like— he screamed like a fear scream, and he said, oh my God, what is that, girl? He found a weave. He thought it was a dead animal. There was a weave. There was a weave. It was a dead animal. And I laughed. I was like, hahaha. And I'm thinking, what is— what's in the air? Like, there's something here because today is just one of them days. And I'm taking the trash across the stage and I see like this slick, like, substance on the floor. And in this moment, carrying out the beer bottles, the weed, the drug paraphernalia, people are scrubbing what looks like blood off of a wall. And I realized that the night before, I remembered seeing posters that the Thunder from Down Under, the strip club, the strip dance team— I don't, I don't even— what do you call them? The strip dance team? The strippers? I don't know. The Thunder from Down Under was performing on this stage that I was about to preach the word of God from. I was wiping up body oil from the floor, and only the blood of Jesus can clean that trash up, okay? So I was like, Lord— and it was one of the lowest attendance Sundays in our history. I got into my car and I was by myself. Matt and I drove separately because he drives like a grandpa and I drive like—

you need to be— you're like, I need to get there on time, sir.

So people are wondering why we drove separately. It's like I get there so early and I drive fast. So anyway, I sat in my car alone and I was just like, I am not cut out for this. I did not hear you, God, because It's not supposed to be this hard. It's not. It's not. This is our flesh. We didn't hear you. This is wrong. And I sobbed the entire way home, the entire way home. So what do you do? That's my story. But like, what do you do when you're changing your 75th baby diaper and you felt the Lord called you to leave the C-suite corner office with the view, with your PowerPoint presentations and your power suit and your power naps where You're, you know, thinking about the future that you want to build for your family, and now you're home with baby spit up on your shoulders saying, I, I'm not made for this. Or the business that you like built and you felt like the Lord called you to do, and now you're on the verge of bankruptcy and you find yourself saying, I'm just gonna throw in the towel. It's not supposed to be this hard. Like, this is not even— I don't want to talk about the book because I feel like I want to serve your listeners, but some of these principles I've just learned in life, and I felt like I want to provide practical handles because grit is not something that people are born with. Resilience resilience isn't a personality trait, it's something that has to be developed. And people can look at my life. I remember sitting across a table from somebody, and like, I live here in Orange County. People aren't familiar with Orange County, it's basically bougie. Like, people, people, it's like Botox makes your heart not move or your forehead, you know?

It's like, you know, you know how I knew Orange County was different is when I would say, oh yeah, you're from LA, and they were like, no, no, oh no, from Orange County, honey, you don't say that.

You know who also now says that?

This girl.

But for the other reason, don't say this is LA because LA is real gritty and sooty. And Orange County, mm-mm, way too Wisteria Lane, baby, way too Wisteria Lane. Anyway, what it comes down to is a decision. You have to decide that I refuse. Though I'm knocked down, I will not be knocked out. I'm gonna get back up. I'm gonna put one foot in front of the other. Proverbs 24 says it this way: though the righteous fall 7 times, they get back up. In fact, it says I love the NLT. It says that the righteous get back up 8, and 8 in biblical numerology for new beginnings. So what I'm saying and what I believe that the writer is saying is that the righteous will fall 7 times, but they get up with new beginnings. And so my mindset every single day, I'm telling you right now, sis, we don't got time to unpack this. My life feels like a dumpster fire right now. I have every reason to be like, I quit, I throw in the towel.. And I refuse. I wake up every single morning. I say, the joy of the Lord is my strength. The presence of God— in the presence of God is fullness of joy. I'm choosing joy. The enemy wants me to quit. The enemy wants me to stop. The enemy wish he had the ability to take me out, but I will make the enemy pay every day that I'm alive, every breath that I could breathe, because there's what I, what I desire is for people to understand that there is a unique call for their life, and the enemy wants to thwart them and stop them, right? And just have them walk away. Walk away from parenting, walk away from the marriage, walk away from the business, walk away from the church. And I'm just saying, we know what quitting feels like. Do we know what staying feels like? Uh, Eugene Peterson put it this way. He said that it's long obedience in the same direction. And my, my number one goal is I just want to obey God. I want to obey God. Obey God. You can fault me for being loud or opinionated. You could even— people online, they could even— we were talking about this offline, but people could even say I'm a heretic. But what people cannot deny is that I am obedient. I'm obedient. Jesus was obedient to the point of death, and that's where I want to be. And I just want people to know You don't have to give up. I mean, listen, there's caveats, there's wisdom. If you're being abused, if there's, you know, yeah, infidelity and that sort of stuff. But I'm talking by and large, we've made quitting so easy in a culture that says you can get it now, you can get it fast, you can get it to your doorstep. But calling, calling takes time. Resilience, you develop that. Obedience, obedience feels like death. We don't want to talk about that. And so I feel like if we, we want to say we want to be overcomers, we got to overcome some things. We say that we want to be survivors, we got to survive some things, not just tap out. And right now I'm seeing so many people within the church tap out because it's hard.

You were sitting in the parking lot, you're sitting in the parking lot though, and you said, I'm not cut out for this. That— I mean, I understand obedience and I understand longevity and I understand— I love that quote that you shared by Eugene Peterson, Long Obedience in the Same Direction. But in that moment where you are in the parking lot and you're like, I'm not built for this, like you literally feel— and we can't live life by our feelings, but you do literally feel and often physically feel like I can't handle this. I can't handle the pressure. It's too much. I'm cracking underneath the pressure. What do you do when you want to be obedient and you want to stick with the long game and you want to follow something through, you want to get to the finish line and you wanna have grit and you wanna develop resilience and you know you have to build faith, like that's here, but what you're experiencing is such a weight for you to walk with that it just seems insurmountable. What do you do with the feeling of how can I continue? Even when you know that continuing is the right thing to do.

Yeah. So I left, I sobbed, and I drove on the freeway all the way home saying, "I am not called. This is not for me. It's not supposed to be this hard." I went to bed and I said, "God, you picked the wrong girl. I am not cut out for this." And then I woke up the next morning and I still felt all the same things. And I think we're prone, when we hear something like this, grit, don't quit, we think that we just have to build a bridge and get over it. Here's a tissue for your issue, and you just make a mental decision, tell yourself a new narrative, and move forward. This is happening for you. God's in control. He's sovereign. That is true. But for me and for anyone else like me, where you have lots of feelings and emotions, I don't want you to discount that. Because feelings, for a lot of people, especially that are built like me, feelings are how I hear God. And so I don't want to dismiss those feelings or become anesthetized to those feelings. In fact, I believe that God wants us to grieve. Isaiah says that God is a man of many sorrows, so he knows our sorrow. So the next morning, to use the— to continue on this story, I wept and I begged God. I begged God. I don't want to have like a Garden of Gethsemane moment, but I literally was like, take this from me. I am not the person for this. I am not as strong as you think I am. I'm just literally not. But if you say so. I love in Luke 5:5, Jesus tells Luke— Jesus tells Peter to cast the nets on the other side after Peter's been fishing all night long, caught nothing. Jesus, put your net on the other side. And Peter's like, bro, I did it. But if you say so. And I think that's the point that I want people to get to. You could have the feelings, and they're very real. Feelings are very real, but feelings cannot determine our life. They can direct us, but I'm choosing to make a decision because, God, if you say so, I will do. I will do. So, so much of this is a mental mindset. I do talk about that in the book, that we get to— we have the ability to reprogram our mind. To pave new neural pathways in our brain, to literally retrain our brain, to get rid of stinking thinking. Like, this is critical to our faith as believers because Christ is calling us to do some pretty impossible things, like love our enemies, like welcome the wayward and the foreigner, like loving our children and forgiving people, in addition to supernatural things that He calls us to do. Like providing when you feel like you don't have, believing for miracles over people who are sick. Like, the only way that we can do this is if we don't quit. We continue to move forward. We choose hope. We choose faith. We choose joy. We choose that we're not gonna go softly into the darkness of the night. No, we choose to remain. We choose faithfulness. And it's a decision. It's a decision. I decide that I'm gonna follow Jesus, and in following Jesus, it may cost me my life. But Corrie ten Boom said, you never know that Christ is all you need until Christ is all you have. Mm-hmm.

When you think about the things that have helped you to build grit just over the course of your life, I mean, it could be church, but if it's something other than church, um, that would be good too. Use the word survive, like you can survive. And I think there's so much communication in the world that we live in that's like You should do more than survive. You know, you should thrive. And I sometimes I listen to that. I'm like, that's great. Yeah, I want to, I want to thrive. But there are some things in life and I think we need to give ourselves permission to just survive them, to just come out on the other side, still breathing, still whole, still physically, emotionally, and mentally intact. And realize that that's not losing to survive something. Even if you weren't thriving, it's not losing. Because you built something going through it. When you think about your life and you think about what you have survived, you may not have thrived, it may not have lasted, it may have lasted longer than you wanted it to. It may not have even had the outcome you desired. Maybe you're still in the middle of it. I would love for you to share maybe a story of survival for you. Because I think when we hear the words like grit and resilience, it's like I'm supposed to be sitting on top of it. Totally victorious, having the winning spirit. And we can have that, but sometimes the win is that you survived. What has survival looked like for you? Hmm.

Okay, there's two things that come to mind. One feels like way deep, and I want to make sure that we're not unpacking or opening wounds for people that maybe we don't have time to unpack. But, um, one is childhood trauma, and then the other one is No, let's go this way. Let's go this way because this is something that I feel I'm working through and God has given me a grace for in this season. But I've wrestled with my weight my whole life and I was morbidly obese as a kid. I weighed more than my father. And through some healthy, some very unhealthy measures, weight has been something that has been an Achilles heel for me. It really has been. And so I think being made fun of, being judged, being like hating myself because of how I viewed myself and how others viewed me. So we talk about survival. I think that one of the things that has been a survival tactic for me is whether I am in shape, because I have had moments where I am like thin and, and, and believing that I'm taking care of my body in the best way that I can. And then I had moments recently, even just with my health, that no matter what I did, my body just exploded. I couldn't explain it. I had no idea what was going on internally. No one did either. I People just thought, oh, well, she's fluffy, she's getting some more weight. When, look, no, there was a whole thing that was going on. And, and I think when we talk about surviving in this season of my life, survival looks like to me that I can be whole and complete and healthy without the scale determining what health should look like and what culture says that health should look like. I'm surviving because instead of choosing self-hatred and a narrative of how disgusting my thighs are or how much I have a baby pooch and I've never had a biological baby. I mean, let's talk about that. Let's talk about I've got more rolls than a bakery, you know what I'm saying? So I could, I could sit here and I could talk about cankles and I could talk about weight and I could talk about all these things, or I can make a decision to say, my God has allowed me to survive an attack on my body with health. I'm a survivor and I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, as Psalm 139 says, that I'm choosing to believe that no matter my weight, my value is not determined by the numbers on the scale. My hunger is not satiated it in teaspoons or in ounces or in measuring cups, but I'm learning to intuitively trust that I'm going to take care of the temple that God has given me. And I'm going to choose to make healthy decisions. And I'm going to choose to walk 10,000 steps a day. I'm going to choose to continue to work out because it's not just good for my body because I'm trying to get a six-pack, it's good for my soul. And I'm making a space for the Spirit of God to reside because 1 Corinthians tells me that, that my body is a temple of the living God. And so when we talk about surviving, I think I'm talking about the assault that we predominantly as women have against self-hatred and our bodies. And I think that there's a damaging narrative on both sides. You know, the love yourself movement is great, but we have people that have like high cholesterol and blood pressure, and there's, there's weight-associated sicknesses that are creeping in there. And then the other side, it's like the, the cocaine wave trend that's happening all over again. Um, it's— I didn't call it that. I'm not calling it that, please. It was literally on BuzzFeed and the New York Post. Anyway, um, there's two really far spectrums. And I'm like, what if we as women could say, no, I'm a survivor because I'm still here. I'm taking care of my temple. The Lord has not forsaken me. I'm doing all that I can to manage my, my, my mental health, my physical health, my soul health, my heart health. And because of that, guess what? Every single day I'm choosing to say, no matter what the world says about me in my thicky thicky thick thighs, I know I'm a survivor and I'm taking care of this because there's been so many opportunities for me to hate my body and treat my body like I have in the past. With pills and crash diets and all this other crazy things. Or I could say, no, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, and the Lord is going to give me the willpower that I need to make the best decisions for me and for me to love myself no matter if I don't look like a Vogue model. Or, or, or let's put this out there. Let's put this out there. I have a twin sister, a twin sister, a twin sister that is as thick as this pen. You know, she's a vegan. I did, I did. And you want to know why this matters is because what— the reason why we do not have contentment is because we're looking at other people and saying, why don't I look like that? If anyone has an issue about this, I'm going to Jesus like, she's my twin, why does she look so skinny? Well, God, she gets stressed, she loses weight. I get stressed, I gain weight. Come on, Jesus, that's not fair. But what we don't realize is science is showing us because of social media. There's actually a huge case study with twins in the '80s that came out, and they called it mirror identities and how twins have innate abilities for competition that is very unhealthy because you always have what they called a mirror. Well, what's happening with social media is that we have these mirror counterparts. It's somebody who's our exact ethnicity, our exact age, our exact station in life, and yet they're married, they have kids, they are debt-free, they own a home, they vacation in Bali. Like, They're an Instagram influencer. And what we're not realizing is that compare leads to despair. What is surviving for me is I could be on social media and I could bless you from afar. Girl, you look good, handle that business. And I'm still going to celebrate the life that I live. I'm still going to be thanking the Lord for the body that I have. I literally, I literally, I do not look like anyone here in Orange County, but my God, I could do 30 push-ups. My God, I could do a plank for 90 seconds. My God, I'm gonna take care of myself. And you know what? I'm a survivor out in these streets looking thicky thicky sick but still praising the Lord. So that's all.

Here's, here's what— first of all, thank you for jumping into all that, because I think, um, and you hesitated. I think one of the reasons why we don't talk about survival is— one of them is because we want to tell our thrive stories, not our survival stories. And we, second, don't necessarily like talking about our survival stories when we're still in the middle of them, when we're still working on them. You know, it's like I want to tell you how I got over, like with many, many years between the me telling you the story and me actually struggling with it all. Um, and I want to poke around right there. And grit is something I'm telling you about from an experience that I came through 20 years ago. It's not something that I'm talking about because I am real time gaining this skill. And, you know, it's remind— I mean, this is terrible, but it's reminding me of, um, Neo, you know, The Matrix, and this whole development of him learning the skills of moving through time and space. And we got to watch that and we're celebratory. Okay, look what he just learned how to do, or he just figured this out. We, we celebrate that in other people. Like, look, they're doing okay. Or we celebrate that in 2-year-olds or 1-year-olds. Look, they're walking. They fell down, but they're like— we celebrate other people's in the middle. We do not celebrate our own. We want to wait until we're done. And I think that that's, um, great that you're willing to talk about it, but you don't have to talk about the other thing. The other thing is not as important as a question I want to ask you about the other thing.

Okay.

I wanted to ask you what the hesitation is about the other thing.

Because it's with, uh, childhood sexual abuse, and I know that that could be a very tender wound for a lot of people. Um, and I was just like, Lord, give me wisdom. I just felt like the Spirit of God was just like, that might— I don't know if we have enough time right now to unpack what that could awaken.

So we can unpack that another time. But here's my question related to that. Here's my question related to that, because I think even with what you just said We don't want our grit— it, you know, struggling with weight is one thing, struggling with money is one thing. Developing grit and resilience when you have an abusive situation, developing grit and resilience when you experience loss, whether that is expected or tragically experiencing grit and resilience because you were wrongfully handled in your life. I think that that message that we can experience and grow and get grit and resilience from horrible things that happen to us. I would love for you just at the top level to speak to the person who is mad that the kind of thing that is growing their strength, the kind of thing that is growing their that the tenor of their life, the kinds of things that they've had to experience at the hands of people who, whether they wanted to care or didn't actually care, that it was hurtful. Even cycling back around to what we talked about at the beginning of our conversation, you know, grit and resilience from people who say they love Jesus, that you go to church with, but cut you with a dagger. Speak to the person who needs the message of grit and resilience, but maybe even a little angry, upset, or questioning God about how they're having to develop grit and resilience based on the story of their life.

So, I say I'm not going to default to theology because that's for your family, but this is where I'm going to give us— this is where I'm going to wrap this up. A lot of the book, Grit Don't Quit, is based on the life of Paul the Apostle, who I call my Bible boyfriend. And I love that in Acts 27, he had the ability to appeal to Caesar, and because he was a Roman citizen, they allowed him to go to Rome. His destination was Rome to speak to the most powerful man in the world, in the most powerful country in the world. He was going to Rome, and it was confirmed. And he is in Acts 27, in the middle of a storm. I mean, it says that the stars are gone and the sun is gone. That's navigational direction. So what does it feel like when our life, we feel like those things that are supposed to direct us are no longer there? Everyone's fearing for their life. They're not eating. They think that they're going to die. And an angel appears to Paul and tells him, no, You have to go. It will happen. You will meet with Caesar. And it gave Paul such a resolute— and he even told the captain before they boarded the ship, yo bro, don't go, don't go, we're not gonna make it. And so there they are in the middle of a storm, and Petty Paul— I love Petty Paul because he tells the captain, I told you, I told you that this would happen. And so for someone out there that feels like you have to clean up a mess that you didn't cause, that you can hold frustration and faith in two separate hands. Because Paul says, I told you not to do this. That's frustration. He said, but because my God has said— that's his faith. You could be angry with God right now, and I'm telling you, you have permission to hold faith and frustration in both hands. Because Paul had a conviction. This is not my destination. I'm not going to die at sea because Rome is waiting for me.. And scripture tells us that they, they had to run the ship aground. Paul says, we're gonna survive, but it's not going to look how we think it's going to look. We have to run this ship aground. So where did they run the ship aground to? To an island called Malta. What does Malta mean? It means refuge. Every church mother out there better bring out a praise hanky because God is going to provide a refuge when you land up in places that you never thought you were going to be. What Paul didn't realize is that there was ministry on Malta to be had. He knew he was going to Rome, but he had to do ministry on Malta. And no matter what station you're in. I'm telling you, waving at you from the shores of Malta, I'm here. And I may be shipwrecked and snakebitten, but the hand that the snake has bit is going to be the hand that's going to heal people on the island. The thing that was supposed to take you out, God will use to bring healing to those who feel like they aren't gonna make it. So let me remind you, you might be on Malta, but Malta is not your home. Don't build a house. You could pitch a tent, but don't build a house. Malta is not your home. Rome is waiting. And there's people out there that are listening. You know you have promises from God. You know that God has spoken to you. God's word is full of promises. Malta is not the fulfillment of your promise. Rome is. So don't give up. That's the easy way. Quitters never win and winners never quit. Don't give up. Malta's not your home. There's ministry on Malta, but Rome is waiting for you. You're too young to quit. You're too old to give up now. Stay the course.

It's so good. And I just want to say to you Whether you're surviving or whether you're thriving, you need to make sure that you never let any of the haters or the people who hesitate to do what they're supposed to be doing in this life distract you or take you away from doing what you're supposed to do, my dear, the way you're supposed to do it. There are people, and you already know this, but I just want to underscore, bold, and underline There are people that only hear the message of the gospel because you say it and share it through your lens, through your experience, through the way that you've encountered God, both in the now and in the before. And when they say things to you in the comments publicly or come crawling into your DMs, you just need to know that your unique way of delivering the words that God has given to you are uniquely received by people who wouldn't hear it any other way. So keep doing what you do, girl, and building the grit through all the things you're working through, because as you do, the overflow of that helps us all.

Come visit me in Orange County. You're my friend already.

I will. I will. Thanks for being with me.