Building Boundaries #alittleQC

Good morning! Is anybody even awake out here in these streets? Play with me? Thinking, why is Chrystal Hurst going live? It's a holiday. Let me tell you, I am my own gift. Not only— I'm in my closet. Good morning. Let me get my lights. Uh-oh, it's like the audio is cutting out. Okay, good morning, good morning, good morning. Well, it's Labor Day and I'm hoping that you all can hear me okay. Um, if you can hear me okay, Facebook and YouTube, give me a thumbs up. If it's horrible, give me a give me a thumbs down. I know, um, Instagram, you can hear me okay. All right, so let's see if that's any better on Facebook. Okay, Instagram, you're good. Yes, my fan, my poor little computer. So my setup this morning is not optimal. Obviously. Let me see if I can create another option for you Instagrammers. It's my computer. I did something. Let's see if this works for you guys. Okay, is that a little better, Instagram? It's not an optimal setup, but it's what I have this morning. So I'm in my closet, one, because the acoustics in here should be okay. That's number one. Number two, because the other spot where I was thinking about talking to you all from this morning, it's a disaster area. So it was like closet or disaster area, so I opted for the closet. Let me see if I I could do this. This might be better. Maybe not. Yeah, it was closet or disaster area, so here I am, closet. So now I got to get to my Facebook people and see how you all are doing, cuz my whole situation is just not quite as smooth as I would like it to be this morning. This morning. Okay. Hey Facebook, thumbs up. Yes. Erica said it sounds like the school year. It's not an optimal setup. Exactly, exactly. It's like the school year, not an optimal setup. There we go. It is what it is. Y'all already know how I work about that. Okay, all right, Facebook is good, YouTube is good. All right, so here's what I want to talk about this morning. Here's what I want to talk about because I'm gonna jump right into it. Hi, Miss Gayle Maddox. I'm so glad to see y'all. I was laying there thinking, it's a holiday, I'm just gonna not do anything. And then I was like, no, I have something, I have something I could share. Hey, new Instagrammer on Alina, if you're new here, if you're like, I've never caught you live before, I don't even know who you are, you just showed up in my feed, somebody redeemed of the Lord say so. No, I'm just kidding. Just, you know, just say so. That'd be cool to know that you're here. It'd be cool to know that you're here. Hey, good morning from California. Good morning. Good morning, y'all. It's Labor Day. It is Labor Day in 2020. That's what I'm trying to tell you right now. It's Labor Day in 2020 and we, yeah, we are still here. That's what I'm, that's what I want to say to you. We are still here. Can you believe it? Can you believe this? Can you believe that we are still in the middle of the cray cray? Okay, K Elio on YouTube said, Chrystal, we only get you one day a week, so we need you to come by even on the holiday. All right, and y'all are super churchy. We are still standing. Look at God. Okay, Bakersfield, first time. Good morning, Inglewood, California. Hi, UK, China. Good morning from Equatorial Guinea, Central Africa. Welcome. Hi, Nigeria. So good to see y'all. Oh, listen, these African girls are here today. I see you, Kenya, Ghana. Uh-huh. You're running your own 5K today. Good for you. Okay, so building boundaries. Here's what I want to talk about, because if you are a woman— if you're a person, but really if you're a woman, that's the thing right there— you have to know how to build your boundaries in a way that you are both protective of your peace, but that you are also clear about your borders in a way that you're also kind and that you can be bold in your communication, just like you can be beautiful in the way that you do it. But we women are masters, okay, do you hear me? We are masters at letting people run over our boundaries and not being healthy as a result. We are really good, really good at not saying what needs to be said when it needs to be said, or even knowing what needs to be said. Okay, sometimes, I mean, it's okay, we just don't, we just don't know what needs to be said, and that's okay too. I think that you, it's okay though for us to say, for me to say to you today that it's, it's a good thing It's a healthy thing for you to say, this is where I draw the line. This is where I draw the lines, and, um, this is where I need to be in order to be a whole and healthy person, in order for God to have room to do what I need to do, um, for in me, and then, um, for me to not go crazy 'Cause listen, some of us, y'all, had mothers who were going crazy because they weren't setting boundaries. But what happens if you don't set boundaries is you set other things on fire. Do you understand what I'm saying to you? As a woman, when you don't set boundaries, eventually you will set something, and usually that means you'll set it ablaze because you can only take so much. And sometimes the thing that gets set ablaze is you. You literally become the girl that's on fire because you are not willing to set boundaries around the beautiful fire that should be you. Yeah, she said it's like calling the fire department after the house burned down. Exactly. Mm-hmm. So yes, that's a good question, Zia. Zia, I'm not sure, but you said to who and what situation, and that totally matters because you could be talking about setting boundaries at work, setting boundaries at home in your marriage, setting boundaries with your kids, setting boundaries with your friends, setting boundaries at church. There could be all kinds of ways. So let me give you some guiding principles and then let me give you some examples. So first of all, I know that I'm not setting boundaries when I start to get internally frazzled, okay? Because I want to do the right thing, but I start feeling like doing the right thing or the thing that needs to be done that other people want me to do is causing me internal conflict and confliction. Like, I'm literally feeling torn on the inside, and that's because something that I feel that needs to be done that requires me to do it is taking more of me than what it should. And in that moment, in that moment when I feel conflict, that's my sign. When I feel internal conflicted That is my sign that there's a boundary that's probably been crossed. That's my sign. Now, some people don't have that sign. Some people start feeling stress, right? Some people start feeling burdened. Some people start feeling angry. Some people start feeling like they just start feeling wrong. But here's the key word: you start feeling. You start feeling. Okay, I've said it once, I'll say it again: your emotions should guide you, they should not govern you. Emotions are a great thing because they tell you something's not right. Okay, it's like the little birdie in your ear, it's like the good angel, the bad angel tapping you on the shoulder. There's something inside of you, near your head, near your heart, that's saying to you— I had a friend who was in the hospital, she had adult children This is a while ago, she told me the story, and whatever was going on with her, her blood pressure was an issue as well, and they were working to regulate it. And she said that one particular child, um, one particular child, uh, when they would come in the room, her blood pressure would go up. Okay, like her body knew that this particular relationship was stressful. So as she's in the hospital trying to heal, her blood pressure, right, an involuntary response to something tough in her life, it shifted, it shifted. And literally her physical and emotional self was telling her, this isn't good for you. When your body, when your brain, when your beautiful soul is telling you that this isn't good for you, you have to listen. Now, does it mean that the baby has to go out with the bathwater? Not all the time. Um, does it mean that you have to, you know, totally break it off? Not necessarily. Does it mean that you should build a boundary? 100%. Okay, let's take this away from emotions for just a second. If you check your, uh, if you check your weight Okay. I, you know, you got a scale, you get on it. And a doctor recently told me that, you know, you, once you, she told me, once you reach your goal weight, which y'all, for the last, I tried for a second and then Corona. So I haven't been doing horribly. You know, we're still eating home mostly and you know, all those kinds of things. So that's great. And people see me and they're like, girl, you're losing weight. And I'm looking at the scale. I'm like, no, I'm not. But he told me that once you reach your goal weight, okay, once you reach your goal weight, you should never gain more than 5 pounds. You should weigh yourself at least once a week and you should never gain more than 5 pounds. She said the reason is because once you gain more than 5 pounds, it's, you know, it's not the weekend bad weight, it's not extra water weight, you know, it's not the fact that, you know, you shifted your weight on the scale. Once you gain 5 pounds you have actually shifted. You've changed something in your habits or in your body that's saying, this is real. This, this is not just shifting weight. This is not just daily, a daily give. This is a major move. But the way that you know that you made a major move is because you're weighing in every day. Okay, you're weighing in every day. And once you have that much of a shift, a 5-pound shift, you gotta set some boundaries around what you're eating, what you're drinking, and how you're moving in order to continue to maintain your health. So the shift in my weight is an indicator of the shift inside my body, the shift inside my frame, the shift inside my house. And a shift for you emotionally, when you feel it, when it's more than a certain amount of weight, when it's more than a certain amount of daily shifting, That shifting indicates that there's a shift in your life, and you paying attention to you helps you to understand. And a lot of us don't do that. We feel a little somethin' somethin' and we still serve. We feel a little somethin' somethin' and we still go. We feel a little somethin' somethin' and we still nod our head and say okay. We feel a little somethin' somethin' and we still won't try to verbalize what it is. And that's where sometimes we need help to verbalize so that we can talk about or take action on or get— bring clarity to what our issue is. Okay, so here are 3 principles for building boundaries. The first thing is you need to be connected to you. You need to know you. You need to know when you've gone too far, when you gave— when you gain that 5 pounds of heart weight. You need to understand when you are a little too anxious, when you are a little too bothered, when when you are a little too busy, when you are a little too something, okay, too much or too little. You need to know you. You need to be connected to you so that you have some internal signaling and knowledge of who you are. So I was talking to a friend of mine, uh, her and her husband, and she— they were talking, he made a comment, and she corrected him. She corrected him with a little sauce on her, just a little sauce. She was still sweet, but it was a little saucy sweet. Okay. Little saucy sweet. And he made the comment. He said, "Oof, you know, she's just become so verbal." Because she was historically very, very sweet, very, very quiet, very, very, um, mm-hmm. And he said, "She's just a little saucy." He said it in love and in jest. And I said, "Oh, I can tell you what happened." She turned 40. I said, I bet you, has it been since she turned, since she turned 40? And he looked up and he said, you know, I think it has been. Let me tell you what happens when you turn 40. And where are my millennials? Give me a thumbs up or give me a fist bump. I want to know that you're here because if you up at 7, uh, 8:07 on a holiday day, I'm impressed. Come on, millennials. Hey, Narci. So here's the deal. We, um, you know, we are ourselves and we are more and more ourselves. Hi Alexina and Simone and Sheila and Imogene and Daralyn. Hey Tiana, Zeta, Chrystal, Eunice. I love it that y'all are here. Uh-huh. Marissa, Sharina. Hey Sharina. Somebody said just for you. Alright, so here's the deal. We become increasingly more self-aware. We have the opportunity to become increasingly more self-aware as we age, as we age, because we've lived life a long, long enough to know us, you know what I mean? It's like if you have a best friend, the longer that you're friends, the better you know them. Well, the longer you're in your skin, the better you have the opportunity to know you. And what happens is, as you get older, you start to have that self-awareness enough to communicate it. Time helps. Some of us, y'all, though, um, the benefit of journaling is that we become self-aware. The benefit of talking to good friends is that we become self-aware. The benefit of going counseling is that we become self-aware because someone can hear us saying what we're feeling that we haven't really identified just yet, and they can help frame it so that we're able to communicate about ourselves to others in a way that they can understand. The journey of life is becoming self-aware. So if you're 21 and you quite get it yet, or you don't quite know how to explain it yet, it's okay. But please know that being connected to you and understanding how you're wired and understanding why you like this, why this works for you, why it doesn't work for you, okay, being able to communicate that is important. Now listen, y'all, I like the next person, love a good personality test, but I hate it as well because I don't actually want to be defined by if I'm an ENFP or if I'm a 3 on the Enneagram or if my top 5 strengths include, you know, Harmony and Achiever. I don't want to be defined by those things. But let me tell you why I believe in a good personality test. And the 3 that I mentioned again are StrengthFinders, um, Myers-Briggs, DISC— I mentioned 4 now— DISC, um, or, uh, Enneagram, um, is because it gives you language to talk about yourself. So a lot of us, we know ourselves, but it's not until we see something— that's why we love those quizzes in magazines because we want somebody to give us words so that we can communicate who we are to other people. Okay, so I, you know, don't take stock in that. Like, don't like say, I am what the personality test says I am. Take what you need from that and as language to communicate who you are and what you need. Okay, alright, so here's the deal. When you're connected to you, you can feel the emotion and label it. Okay, I'm being taken advantage of. Um, uh, you know, everybody assumes that I'm gonna do it. Uh, the feeling of, you know, I'm, I'm being a doormat again. The feeling of they need to be respectful of my time. The feeling of, "Don't they see I'm exhausted? I'm exhausted." The feeling of, "I have nothing for you." The feeling of, "Is this right for him to talk to me this way?" Those feelings of, "I don't think he should talk to me this way." That those feelings of These kids better get their life before I snatch their life. Those feelings right there, those feelings, you know, initially you may not have words. The feelings just may be like, what? Like, that may be the initial feeling. The initial feeling may be like, huh? Or I don't like that. It just may be that, maybe that quiet. Then when you learn to identify exactly what it is, what it is in you that has been disturbed, then you can begin to do the next thing, which is be communicative. Uh, Grace Love and Joy, she said, also being an introvert, feelings are amplified and I absorb others' feelings. Yes. And I'm an ambivert, so everybody thinks I'm an extrovert. I'm not. After a while, I— people, I love people, I do, but after a while I can't take it. I can't take it, and I just need to go be by myself to recharge. But it is so true that as an introvert, sometimes my ability to communicate— I'm a very self-aware person, but my ability to be communicative about it is problematic because even though I understand it, even though I'm aware of it, finding the right words and not being mean is a thing. Like, I don't want to be mean, and I don't want people to feel like I'm being mean. If I, you know, now here's the problem. If I get pushed too far, then I could care less about your feelings. And that's how I know that I've waited too long to speak my peace, because if I've waited too long to be communicative, then what's inside starts— it starts erupting. And that's where a lot of us find ourselves as women. We erupt. Now, that eruption could be in words That eruption could be in tears. That eruption could be anger. That eruption could be bad health, because like I said to you before, my friend that was in the hospital, her blood pressure would go up when a kid would come in the room. Listen, some of our health challenges, y'all, are fed by our inability to be connected to what we need and our decision— because it's a decision— not to be communicative. And so when it overflows flows and we cuss somebody out. Come on, can we just be honest? Or when we are totally, totally crude, when we are totally emotionally burdened and so it just bubbles over, when we are not intentionally communicative, okay? And then we wonder, people look at us crazy because they think, you know, she's lost it. It's because there was something on low It was on the stove, y'all. It was on the stove and you wouldn't turn it off, and over time it bubbled over. When I make my kids cream of rice— that's their favorite cereal, cream of rice or cream of wheat— I make it with milk. My mother taught me to make it with milk. You can make it with water, but it's so much better with milk. And so when I make cream of rice and you use the milk. I stand there and I stir it. One of the reasons why I don't like to make it often is because I can't, you know, I can't leave the milk on the stove. It'll burn. Not only will it burn, but if you just leave it, it will bubble over. The milk will start to foam and it will bubble over. And that was one of the things that would happen when we were growing up. You know, the sound of the sizzling milk on the stove was the signal that you had let it simmer too long. Okay, now sometimes that fire is external, sometimes that fire is internal, because I see what you're saying. Some of you introverts are saying, uh, I shut down. Some of you are saying, um, I get silent. I see you, I see you. And then somebody said— let me find their comment— um, they go silent. Um, they get sad, but something happens. And let me tell you, here's, here's the thing: an external eruption is damaging to your relationships, and internal eruption is damaging to you. I mean, it's all damaging to you, but when you don't get it out, when you, when you are not intentionally communicative It does damage. That's what you need to know. It's gonna come out. It's gonna boil over. It's gonna become a problem. Somebody said, I just get quiet. But let me tell you something, just because you're not making noise, um, because you are not talking, that doesn't mean that something's not being said. And if you were— because some of us, um You know, some of us have different ways. Like, some of us are screamers, some of us are criers, some of us are yellers, some of us are cussers, and some of us are just quiet. But here's what you need to understand: it will come out. And when it comes out, whether it pours externally or internally, It's damaging. Yes, Life Toe DG, quiet is a language. Let me tell you, when my kids get really scared when I get quiet, I just say, well, let's just talk about that for a second. And they're like, oh no, she's mad. You need to be connected to who you are and what you need. You need to be communicative. And that's why it's so important for some of you to do one of three things, okay? To get it out by writing it down, journal it. To get it out by talking to a friend. To get it out by seeing a counselor. If you don't get it out And if it is internally erupting, you probably have a heart leak. And that heart leak could be emotional or physical. The— you know, there's a book called The Body Keeps Score. It's on my shelf. I haven't read it, but the reality is You are connected. You are connected being, okay? Physical, emotional, it's spiritual, it's connected. And that's why if you are afraid or angry, your blood pressure could go up. That's why in the movies when we see people have heart attacks, it's in the middle of them shouting at somebody, then they keel over. I see you saying on YouTube that you developed a hole in your colon. That's why You can have people talking about ulcers with stress, okay? This is why you have to get it out. If you don't get the toxins out of you, you will get sick. That's why they tell you, you know, if you're really healthy, you go to the bathroom after every meal. If you're really healthy, you at least go to the bathroom every day. And I'm not talking about number one, I'm talking about number two. If that stuff sits in you— excuse the illustration, but it's the truth— If that stuff sits in you, it's toxicity to your body. It's toxicity. So you have to get it out. The problem is most of us get it out when we can't hold it in any longer, and then when it comes out, it's an explosion that is messy and yucky and damaging to whoever was available to hear. That's why some of us have damage to this day because our mothers would explode all over us. They would say the things, and it wasn't about us, it was about their stress. It wasn't about us, it was about their hurt. It wasn't about us, it was about their anger. It wasn't about us, it was about their dissatisfaction with their lives, but they didn't get it out, and we were the closest thing. Some of y'all know what it is to be a punching bag to a parent, to be a punching bag to a spouse, because their emotional lack of love for their own life pours out all over you, and it is layered over you. And then you're trying to carry the weight, quiet and being all whatever. And I'm telling you, I'm telling you that you have to get it out. Journal it out, talk to a friend, see a counselor. If you don't sweat— I see your comment there, Megan, and it's helpful to me. If you don't sweat, that's a bad thing. If you're exercising and you don't sweat ever, there's no perspiration on you anywhere, your body needs to get rid of this, of the stuff that's inside. Evelyn said, like T'Challa's new suit absorbed all that energy and it had to be let out eventually. Yes, T'Challa. Okay, so you have to be connected to you, you have to be communicative, and then you have to be clear. And this is what a lot of us struggle with. Even when we let it out, even when we erupt, we're not clear. People don't know what— okay, based on you, we know you mad, we know you're upset, but we're not clear on what it is that you need us to do. Some of us, when we communicate to our spouses, they're like, just what do you want? What are you saying? Because we say a whole lot of everything without really being clear about what it is that we want. Okay, so here is clarity. We were growing up, my mother would have Sunday dinner at her house. She wanted us to have a great time, but she didn't want to be stressed out from everybody eating everywhere and having to come back behind everybody and clean that up. Okay, uh, yeah, coaching would be an option. I see the question. Coaching would be an option. So here's what she did. She, um, gave clear boundaries. You can eat in the kitchen, you can eat in the dining room, and then if you're an adult, you can eat in the living room. You can't eat all over my house just because I want you to have a good time. She was aware of herself, right? Connected. I know that I want to host all these people for dinner, but I also know that if I host all these people for dinner and they don't have boundaries, I will be a mad woman. I will be upset. I will be frustrated because I don't want to clean up after 30 people leave. So I'm gonna be clear and give them my boundaries. And then she communicated those to us. Very, very good clarity. Here are the two rooms and the half room for adults, not teenagers, adults. With my teenagers, uh, clear boundaries mean they have to be written, cuz y'all have to be honest. Half the time I don't remember what I said. I don't remember what I said. And sometimes kids will make you feel like you're crazy. Cause they'll be like, you didn't say that. And you're thinking, did I not say it? So in my life, being clear means writing it down, writing it down so that way they are clear about what I said. Um, with my husband, it's the same thing. I have to be clear. I have to be clear in a very, very kind way. And I have to understand that husbands don't always hear you unless you say things in a way they can understand and at a time when they can take it in. So there's that, but Being clear. I love you, but not today. I love you. I hear you, but that, that doesn't really work for me. I actually don't want to go to dinner there tonight. We always do this for our date night. I want to do something else. Now I know this is not, you know, a panacea for all the problems that we have in setting boundaries. That's why there are whole books about boundaries. But what I want to encourage you to do as we launch into September post this Labor Day, I want you to think about where are the places that people are encroaching upon your boundaries and where you need to build them. Build them by being connected to you first and saying, okay, I need this to happen in order for me to be better, in order for me to be okay, in order for me to quiet some of these feelings that are bubbling over, um, that have been simmering too long. I need to let out the steam and I need to deal with this. I want you to think about what it means to be connected to you, what it means to be communicative to others, and in your communication for you to be clear, kind but clear. Okay. So one of the things I've had to do in our move is to reset boundaries because, you know, it's just been a free-for-all. It was the summer. And so my kids were just, you know, I'd wake up, you know, to go to the restroom in the middle of the night and hear noise. And I was like, dude, y'all, it's 1:46 AM. Why are y'all still up? And in their minds, New place, new grace. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. There are boundaries. Here are lights out in our home. Um, here's what it needs to happen with the screen time, you know, cause it was a little free-for-all for just a second. And I had to know that this doesn't work for me. This doesn't work for us. And here are the new boundaries. I'm communicating them and I'm becoming clear. My husband, dear heart, was taking out the trash, but he was taking out the trash so early on a Sunday night. And I was like, oh, Sweetie, I need— I'm still cleaning up the kitchen on a Sunday night. I need the trash to go out later, and by later I mean after 8 o'clock or first thing in the morning on Monday morning. Okay, now these are simple things, but I've also had to say, you know, even in my marriage— and I'm married to the kindest man alive— but I've had to say to him, I know this is not what you meant, but this is how it made me feel. And so when you say these two things, these are triggers for me, and I would really appreciate it if you could keep those words out of your vocabulary when talking to me, because it's not good for me. And if it's not good for me, it's probably not gonna be good for you. You know. And then you can't control other people. I've had to exit conversations with family that were erupting on me, and I just, I let them go for just a second, and then I said, I'm gonna stop the conversation now, with a smile, because what you need to do is get something off your chest, but I'm not your punching bag. I would love to have this conversation with you, but when you can have it with me in a healthy way. And I got up and left. Now I understand, like I said, that things are not that cut and dry, and I understand there are lots of things like emotional abuse, and I understand there are lots of things like children who will not listen, and I understand. But listen, you always with them kids, you always have an option. Are you paying their phone bill? Cut it off. Do you give them a place to eat and sleep? Take the door off the hinges. You know, I, I don't believe in this, you know, I don't know what to do with this kid. Oh my gosh, yes you do. Now, I mean, obviously I know there's some extreme situations, but I'm, I'm telling you that we, we are not giving ourselves enough credit, ladies. Don't you know that the rising sun and the setting sun often is supported by what a sister girl will do, okay, or not do? You don't have to serve them a hot meal every night. Those kids can learn how to cook, they can learn how to clean up the kitchen, they can learn how to— they can learn how to support the family efforts. I'm just telling you, there are some things you're gonna— you can say to your roommate. You know, I always clean up the kitchen after you, and while I normally don't mind, I just feel like I'm being taken advantage of because you know I'll do it. So can we please have defined nights for cleanup so that way I can have some nights off too? You can be kind. You can be kind. So anyway, here's the thing. Be connected to you. You gotta know what you need. Be communicative. You gotta speak up for yourself. And then you need to be clear. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And if you need to practice, practice with a friend. Say, okay, like, I'm really nervous. I don't even know how to say X, Y, and Z. Can I say this to you? Like, it's okay to practice. Remember when you were dating in high school and you used to like plan what you were going to say to the guy? Put it on a 3x5 card and don't apologize for having notes. Say, you know what, this conversation is really hard for me. So I made notes so I wouldn't forget what I was going to say, but ma'am, and the few sirs that are on here, you have more power than what you give yourself credit for. You do. So stop mouthing around. And even if you're an introvert or an extrovert, measure your words so that you're clear, so that people that you're communicating with know what you meant, they understood what you meant. And then you figure out a way to exit the conversation when needed. And by conversation, I mean the literal conversation, or the room, or the relationship, or the unhealthy tie, or the— or the— what's the word when you are connected to somebody unhealthily? The word escapes me. It starts with a C. Practice with a friend. Practice with a friend and know that you can only be as good as you have the inner energy and capacity to be. And when you allow other people to steal your energy, you are not living your life full. You don't want to die with regrets. You don't. And one of the best ways not to do that is to make sure that you are reserving your energy for the things that God has asked you to do. And when you are not building boundaries, your energy is leaking everywhere. It's leaking. It's leaking. And anything that is leaking— there you go, codependency— anything that's leaking, y'all, is causing damage. I can pretty much guarantee it to you or to other people. So here's the deal: build boundaries, be connected to you, journal, talk to a friend, see a counselor, be communicative. You're gonna have to speak up for yourself, and it's okay to get your words from a counselor or from a friend. And then be clear. And if it's not that simple, go to your pastor. If it's not that simple, take that marriage to a counselor. If it's not that simple, talk to a friend who can mentor you in parenting or mentor you, uh, uh, with your marriage or mentor you in your job, because you may need to learn how to communicate more clearly in different scenarios. And that's okay. It's okay. It's okay to get help. It's okay to say, how did you do this in your marriage? How did you do this with your 17-year-old? I call people all the time, all the time. I called somebody last week. She is a beast of a mother and a grandmother and a business owner. I literally texted her and said, girl, I think I'm— I had— my lane has widened and I'm trying to join. I'm trying to get into new territory, and I'm gonna need you to help me to figure out how to manage the lanes that God has blessed me. God, Jabez, he has enlarged my territory, and I need you who've been living in that larger territory to help me. Calder, that's why you need church, and that's why you need community, that's why you need friends. Alright, I gotta go. I got a meeting I gotta jump on. I will talk to y'all later, but here's what I need you to know: if you're not erupting You will. Don't do it. Don't do it to them. Don't do it to yourself. Your life matters. All right, talk to you later. Bye.