Chrystal's Chronicles Podcast with Michelle Carter

Hi everybody, it's Chrystal Hurst and I am here with my friend Michelle Carter. Uh, we've been trying for how many weeks to make this happen?

For a long time.

Mainly because between my schedule and her schedule, just being in town on the same day has been a challenge. Um, but I'm so excited to have you on today's show. So we're going to have some people who are watching and some people who are listening, but I wanted to be on camera with you to give everybody the full Michelle Carter experience. Um, you are Travon, an Olympian with a gold medal. Um, you've been winning lots of things for lots of years, but most recently your claim to fame is that you are an Olympian with a gold medal. And you and I, uh, we went to breakfast, uh, last year and we just had a conversation about a lot of things. But one of the things that stuck with me, um, that impressed me was more than just being at the top of your game, more than wanting to win. You really are a pretty focused individual, and I think that anybody who achieves anything like what you've achieved has to be that way. But so many people— because how old are you, can I just ask you?

I'm 31.

You're 31? Okay. Because so many people, what it takes to achieve something, the focus that it requires over time, that's the problem. It's not that they don't have a goal, it's not that someone may not have a dream, but if they don't hit it by 21, 22, they're kind of done and they settle into what's gonna work. Or because, you know, you're not an Olympian at 20, you're an Olympian at 30, 31. So that took time. You had to stick with this over time. What do you think, uh, what can you attribute your level of focus to? Is it innate? Is it magical? Did you learn it? Did you— I mean, like, when people struggle with achieving something, they always want to look to somebody else. And so how did you Yeah. Get focused and maintain focus.

Well, for me, it was definitely a journey because actually, um, this is actually my third Olympics. So I made the team in 2008, 2012, and then I finally medaled in 2016. But one of the things that really kept me from not giving up too soon was the fact that I just believed in myself so much. And I think sometimes people believe in themselves and only give themselves one chance to do it. And giving yourself one chance. Sometimes we're a little hard on ourselves. And sometimes we may not get it the first time, and you may need 2, 3, 4, 5 rounds. But if you believe in yourself so much that you believe that it could possibly be yours and that you could accomplish that goal, you stick with it. So in my mind, I knew that I could be an Olympic gold medalist. I just didn't know when. So I knew that I just had to prepare myself for each time I was able to make the Olympic team and be like, okay, okay, it's going to be this time. This time, okay, it wasn't that time. Okay, now in 2016, I got it. I know this is going to work out some kind of way. I don't know how, but it is. And then to find out 2016 was probably one of the craziest years I had.

I remember because you were dealing with health issues and your back was hurting you.

Yes, it definitely didn't look like what I thought a gold medal year would look like. Because you think of gold medal year, everything lines up. Everything lines up. It's perfect. You didn't have no issues. The only struggle you had, you just had to work hard. Because your practices are hard. And it was just like, no, I had an injury that totally took me out. And for a lot of athletes, that could end their careers. But I didn't believe that my road stopped there. I believed that I still had more to give, that God was going to show me more of who he was and more of who he was in me. And to prove to not just me that I had the ability to accomplish my goal, but that he had my back no matter what.

Okay, so you've used the word believe at least twice. You might have said it 3 times. Why did you believe?

I just had this feeling on the inside that that was for me, and I had that dream before, and I prayed about it, and I believe that the Lord really gave me the peace about that that was going to be for me. But I just had to believe that it was and act as if it was.

As if.

I know.

Okay, but did you have moments where belief in all you questioned it.

Oh yeah, I questioned it all the way straight up until I got there. But at the end of the day, I really believe this is like really the first time I ever really done this within my walk. I've done it on some smaller scales, but to really just have that blind faith and just jump in and like, Lord, I'm just going to believe in what your word says, period. If you say your word is true, then I'm gonna actually believe that it's true and actually walk it out. Because believing it is one thing, but when you really believe it and have that faith, you're going to actually do it. So So what were you believing?

Like, when you say believing in his word, what word was for you?

Like, I believe I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me. I believe, um, and now of course you're gonna ask me, I know, all my— the church girl, I need the reference, I need the reference, but which version you're using. Yes, there's these verses that will pop out in certain books of scripture, especially dealing with faith, where I just really had to learn how to activate my faith or really learn how to walk in faith. And so I was reading, and I probably heard a sermon when they're saying, like, if you really have faith and you believe that what God said he's going to do, then all you have to do is fill in the gaps and think about what it would look like if it was already done. So I believed that I was a gold medalist, so I had to do those things that I believe gold medalists do. And so I was like, okay, I have to not miss a workout. I have to go That's my phone.

Is that my phone or your phone? Oops.

I think I took it out and didn't turn it off.

Video edit.

Okay. Right?

We were talking about doing what a gold medalist does. You said, "I couldn't miss a workout." You can start there.

Yeah. And so I had to do the things that a gold medalist do. So here I am, like, at the start, and then here I am thinking I'm going to be a gold medalist, knowing that I'm going to be a gold medalist. So I had to fill in the space in between to make the end be true. So I had to act like a gold medalist. So I had to go to bed on time. I had to make sure I did not miss a workout. I had to make sure I did all my rehab, because I had an injury. So I had to go to rehab. I had to go to treatment. Had to do all of my recovery, get body work done twice a week. So there was a series of things that I had to do, like massages and scraping up tissue. Is that what I need to do? Just be sick and get Jesse and say, twice a week, dude.

I got to do it twice a week.

My massages is different from the normal.

I know. This sports massage.

They hurt.

They hurt.

But I just had to just do those things. And so what I started to focus on was just my daily things, making sure that I did everything that I could do in my power every day until I got to the end. Because in my mind, I envisioned it to be like, hey Lord, if this is already done, I have to give you something to work with. And so I had to do those things in between. So when I get there, he be like, hey, you did this, you did that, you did this, you did that. Now I can really get some stuff together. And so I feel like sometimes being We expect God to do something at the end, but we're not really filling in the space and giving him something to work with.

We're not doing our part.

Yeah, like you can't bake a cake without the flour, sugar, eggs, and milk, and how he gonna get that? Even though he's God, he can make it happen, but at the same time, he wants to see that if we believe him enough to bring him these separate ingredients, and that he's gonna make a beautiful cake at the end.

So we trust him to do his part, but we have to be willing to do our part. Yes. Okay, but believe, okay, so what I'm hearing you say is that, You were trusting God to do something based on a hope, a dream, a desire that he placed in your heart. And even though it took a while to get there, and even though, um, you had— you experienced what, you know, might look like failure at the time, because the dream was still there, you kept acting as if God could do it.

Yes, because at that time I was— I had an injury. I ended up having a herniated disc in my back, and, and that's like something major.

Is that something you always have or is that something that can be fixed?

It's something that can be fixed. Okay. But it happened with surgery or with treatment.

Okay.

I went the treatment route.

Okay.

Because I had known some other people that have the same injury and they ended up having surgery and their careers kind of went spiraling down after that.

Back surgery is a very tender thing.

It is. So I just remember saying like, okay, Lord, If you're the God that you say you are, especially the God in the Bible, if you can do anything, you can do everything. So that means if I never touch a shot put from the time I found out that I was hurt until the Olympic trials, that I can make the Olympic team. And because you're that kind of God, that if I never touch a shot put again between my Olympic trials and the Olympic Games, I can win the Olympics, because that's the kind of God you are. And so I just kind of had to just be like, you know what, I'm just going to believe that it can be done no matter what it looks like. Or what I think it should look like, 'cause it can be, like I was sad 'cause I couldn't do all the work I really wanted to do how I thought it should be done.

But God was like, "I'mma throw all this, you know, I'mma mix it all up, and then it's gonna look totally different for you, but if you just believe that I have you, like, then we're good." But you know what, what is interesting about what you're saying is there was this period of time where you couldn't do what should be the way you should do it, but you had still given something, to God to work with.

Yes.

All the other years. It's not like there wasn't training at all. It's not like you showed up and were like, dog it, you know, I'm not well. This— my body is not cooperating. God makes something out of nothing.

Yeah.

What you had in terms of your availability, your ability to do something, you had used that. So even though you didn't think you had enough for that moment, you had had— you gave God something to work with over time. And I think that's what's important. You mentioned time because so many people, get disappointed because it doesn't happen in their time. And God's time is a total— he has a totally different timeline than we do. But how did you— okay, so first Olympic time, the try, the second Olympic try, disappointment, because you had to feel disappointed, I'm assuming.

I did. 2012 was a little different. Yeah.

Because that's where people get stuck. They can't move past the disappointment of one try or two tries. They say, well, it must not be meant to be, or, you know, I prayed about God said no. Like, how did you deal with that disappointment? Um, or how would you describe it?

I was disappointed because of course I wanted to win, but I was also dealing with health issues. So, um, I also was like, okay, you know what, I believe I did give my best that day and that's all I had. And so I decided to shift my focus, not saying, well, I thought it was going to be for me this time, but then I switched my focus to say, you know what, I did give 100%, well, all I had, which is all you can get, and that's all I can get.. And so I learned how to be content with that. And that's what the Lord decided to do for me then. And I'm like, okay, well, 5th place at the Olympics is not bad.

How did you learn how to be content? Because what I mean, I mean, here, I mean, this is nitty gritty. Somebody's going to say, okay, I'm disappointed and I did the best I had. But where they take that and where I know where I've taken it sometimes is, man, the best I had. Wasn't enough. I don't take the angle, that's all I had to give, so be satisfied with that. It's, man, that's all I had to give and I'm not good enough. So how are you able— how did you learn to say, you know what, I'm satisfied?

I learned how to say I'm satisfied because I believe God makes no mistakes.

Comes back to belief.

It comes back to belief. If he says— and it's like over the years I've been reading this Bible and memorizing these verses and hearing these sermons, but then it's like until certain things happen, you start to really see that what he says in his word is really true.

And then you choose whether you believe it.

Exactly. So you have a choice, and I always will try to choose the most positive part of it.

Are you a naturally positive person?

I am.

Okay.

And then, but there are times when situations are—

So I'm learning from you. That was what was happening at breakfast. I was like, ooh, it's so simple. I don't have to go down a spiral.

You don't. You have it. Everybody has a choice in everything we have. We have a choice, but it's like, so what choice are you going to make? Are you going to choose for the better or choose for the worst? And I've chosen for the worst before, and I don't like that. Tell me about that. Um, it's not fun there, but it's just like, if you choose to focus on those negative thoughts or that disappointment or feeling like you're a failure, then you're only going to feel more like a failure.

It's a spiral.

And it's like you keep going, going, going further down, further down. It gets darker and darker and darker. And then it takes so much more work to pull yourself out then. So instead of you just tripping and falling into the mud, catch yourself early, stop. Even if you fell in the mud, it's easy to get up and wash yourself up from that instead of you digging this 6-foot hole and then trying to figure out how I'm going to climb out of it. Right. And that's how I think. Like, okay, I can't think that way. I have to stay here because even though I did trip and fall, I can get back up and kind of still be on track.

Let me ask you about the positivity. Yeah. Are you naturally positive because you are? Are your parents positive people? Was it environmental, do you think? Are you like, no, my parents actually aren't that positive, I'm just built that way? Like, I'm curious how that works for you.

How it's natural. I do think I'm more of a natural per— a natural positive person.

It's a part of your DNA.

Yeah, it's just that I just choose to see the other side. Okay. And of course, sometimes I do accept when there are times when I have failed because of my choices. And so I will say this, my parents always told me that, you know, at the end of the day is your responsibility on how you handle your situations and what you choose to do with what. And I have learned over time that there are consequences and repercussions to everything, to everything, even your thoughts.

Yep.

So knowing that, I've been— one thing I did pray, like, Lord, help me be intentional with everything that I do, everything that I say, everything that I think. Because there we go, that's what I was going to earlier. Yeah, I'm sorry, I keep throwing questions in there. When the Bible says to capture those thoughts, I don't know what verse and chapter that is. Take your thought captives, I don't know. Yeah, so.

We'll look it up, we'll put it on the show notes.

Go to Google and, you know.

Take every thought captive, it'll be right at the top.

And so the Bible says, you know, you transform your mind, you know, what you put in your mind. Renew your mind, I know that one. Romans 12:2. Yeah, so renewing your mind is your thoughts, and then they said when you have those those thoughts, you capture those thoughts and you cast them away. So he's telling us how to even stay positive and to keep our minds, uh, mostly on him. And then he says, you know, hide my word in your heart, and it gives you something, it gives you something to work with. Because it's like, hey, he's given us these tools and his word is our game plan. This is our, this is our blueprint to life, is the game. And then so when he goes We always talk about, "Lord, I don't know what to do." Well, he was telling us, you know, like, let's say I have these bad thoughts, you're like feeling really down, but the Lord was like, "Hey, when I told you, you start thinking these things, to capture those thoughts, but that's not from me, you know, cast those away and put your mind back on me." And he's given us all these positive verses.

The Word talks about thinking about whatever is good, whatever is true, whatever is of good report. I mean, he's saying if it's not one of those things then get rid of it.

Get rid of it.

Okay, how do you practically cast them? Like, if someone were to say, okay, so when you're struggling with thoughts, what do you do in that moment? How do you stop thinking?

I replace them with the opposite, or I distract myself. Because sometimes you may not have the words or even the courage to tell yourself the opposite.

You may not know where the verse is.

Yes, you know, you may not know. But I will put on like a song that's going to help remind me not just who I am, but who he is. Yeah. And then let that carry me through until I can figure out how to get back through that. But I'm not going to sit there and have these negative thoughts and then put on some negative music and be like, you know, I'm just going to sit there. But I'm like, you know what? I am feeling a little down today. I do need to pick me up. And for me, music is that instant pick me up because I can be mad. But after about 2 good songs, I'm like, okay, I feel better, and now I can kind of push through.

Yeah.

And so those are those times when you see yourself, you have to find what makes you— what can lift you up.

I love that. Well, you know, because back to your picture, your word picture of, okay, I've fallen in a ditch, mud or whatever, I don't have to dig a ditch. When you're trying to get out, capturing your thoughts is 2 things, and I think we only focus on one. One is, okay, think different thoughts, replace the thoughts. It's all on me. I have to have the thoughts. But what you just said is finding a rope. Is there a rope around here that can help me get— you know, it doesn't have to be that I can do it in my own strength. There's nothing wrong with a good song. There's nothing wrong with a good friend saying, help me, I got— I'm, I'm down in the dumps, I need you to help me.

Yeah.

And there's nothing wrong with going, you know what, I need to listen to that podcast. Maybe this week I will go to Wednesday night service. You know, just whatever you need to help yourself get out.

Yeah, you definitely have to feed yourself those things that you're going to need at the time of your struggle. So for me, I did have to be mindful about the songs that I was listening to, about the movies that I would decide to watch, and when I decided to watch them.

Isn't that funny how you realize that when your parents were doing it?

I know, I'd be like, "Oh, my mama is right." Like, it does matter. But when you think about it, if you're always listening to things that are not going to lift you up, or I mean, since this is a Christian podcast, it's like more secular-like situations and songs, you might start thinking about that.

You're thinking about, I like the song, I like this beat, I like these, I like this artist, I like whatever, and you're thinking about what you enjoy but not thinking about what you're actually ingesting.

Yes.

Enjoy and jest.

Yeah. So those things you actually putting— Yeah.

You're putting it in.

It's like for an athlete, if you putting junk in your body, you're going to get junk back out because your body can't process junk and get that same energy you would from whole foods.

Right.

So instead of listening to— keep listening to junk over and over again and expect to get a better outcome, you need to start eating or listening to more whole food items because when you need that energy, you have something to get from it. So I did start listening to more podcasts. I did start listening to more sermons. I started reading about topics. I don't read, I don't like to read anyways, but if I'ma read, I'ma read to learn something that I don't know.

Do you do audiobooks?

I'm about to start to because people keep telling me, but I always felt like I need to read a book and highlight, but I'm about to get on that.

My thing is, I do, I like to put my hands on my books too, but sometimes my time availability to sit there and read it, I can still ingest it if I'm driving in a car, and maybe it's not the same, but it's still something.

Exactly. I'm gonna start doing that because I've been enjoying podcasts.

And, um, what podcast do you listen to?

I mean, of course I listen to—

you don't have to say that.

I do. No, no, but I really want to know what you listen to. I do listen to yours. I listen to, um, um, Zig Ziglar. I listen to Chris, um, he works with the whole, um, Dave Ramsey group, but he does more of the stewardship. Chris Hope. Not Chris Hogan, because that's the other guy, but the retired—

it's probably— if you Google, you'll find Chris.

Yeah, he does a daily podcast where he really talked about like being the steward over what God has given you in your life. More than money, just more than money. Yeah, it is. Of course, people ask more money questions, but he really just talks about how we're supposed to be stewards in life in general and how he's really able to really listen to their stories and be like, you know what, God is really doing, you know, let's look at this. And I like, you know, so I started listening to other people who are like-minded, yeah, and, um, or who wants you to reach the same goal in life, because our goal is to please God. And, and, um, uh, well, you know, it's, it's all for the kingdom, it's for his glory at the end of the day. And so having those reminders, so when I hear somebody else's situation, if I'm up against something similar, I can remember what someone had told them. It's not just you. And, you know, yeah, you're not alone, you're not alone. So there's a lot of different podcasts that I, I listen to that I always go back and different pastors and just different things. And so depending on my mood, I can go listen to a Dave Ramsey. But if I want a sermon, I know I have a list of pastors I can go through and find the scripture. But just having those things and having that just feeding into my mind and into my brain. And when I have those moments when I am down or am I am struggling, you got something to work with. Stuff just pops up. Yeah. And I'm like, girl, where did you learn that? But just knowing that I'm putting this stuff in me so when I need it, I have it. Right. But instead of me, if I was just always listening to R. Kelly and them all the time, then I'm going to start pulling from that, and then you have a whole nother situation. But it's like the older I get, the more I realize what you really listen to, what you decide to watch, and the people you surround yourself with have more influence on you than you think.

They do. Environment matters.

Yes.

People, places, and things.

I started paying attention to that, and I started being mindful about who I was talking to about my situations, and making I was talking to girlfriends that were, you know, that we believed in the same thing, who's gonna hold me accountable, and I know who's trying to walk the walk too. Because if I'm talking to other girlfriends who may not have the same belief system as I am, or really not trying to please the Lord like I am, then they're gonna steer me in the wrong direction and I'm gonna start making some bad choices. And so I had to catch that and be honest with myself about the decisions I made.

To be honest with you, because we will try to convince ourselves that we're okay.

Yeah, and you're like—

we want to slide those lines as far as they can go, and the only person we're injuring is us, our story, and our as if, what we really can believe God for, because we're not fully participating. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna pause real quick. Does that— is that on that little mic thing that's sitting on the edge, does it say camera? Is it flipped to camera?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, just making sure, because what's the other choice?

Smartphone? Yeah.

Off from smartphone. Okay, good. Okay, okay, let's switch gears a little bit. Um, I'm gonna ask you a few questions that come to mind, random. They're not prepared. All right, so you're not the only person who's not prepared.

Okay.

All right, favorite ice cream?

Vanilla. Homemade vanilla by Blue Bell.

Okay, I'm so glad Blue Bell is back. Um, favorite TV show?

Oh, oh my goodness. It depends on what's going on right now. I am really watching Atlanta Housewives. I do watch them. And then all things Shonda Rhimes. She's always on my DVR.

Your DVR. Okay. Last movie you saw?

Actually, I took my godchildren last night to see Lego Batman.

Okay. Exciting. Favorite mascara?

Ooh. Okay. I just started trying this one MAC mascara. It's like Define Lash or something like that, but it really separates into your individual lashes. And sometimes, you know, you put on mascara and look like you have 5 lashes because they all stick together like that. But I like this because it separates it, and so I look like I have more lashes. Yes.

Is this the one with the super thick brush?

No, actually it has a skinny brush. It's in a blue tube.

Because I tried the fat brush and didn't like it.

Yeah, the fat one I didn't like, and then I was actually I picked this one up along the way somewhere and I really like it, so that's one of my favorites.

Okay, see, y'all don't know, Michelle is really into makeup. She loves the whole— are you— okay, were you always a girly girl? Is your mama a girly girl?

No, but I am.

But you are a girly girl.

I will be wrestling in the dirt but in a white dress and ruffles and socks and a glove and some kind of my hair out of the ponytail.

You have to try their Real Mascara. You get it from Ulta. It's like a $20 mascara, but honey, it's good. Yes, it's great. Okay, so on this whole thing about being a girly girl, one of the things I talk a lot about on the podcast, or it's always woven in there because it's just my life, is just taking care of our body, just treating our bodies well, and acknowledging the fact that, you know, our house is a gift of God. But I realize that personally, for me,— just, I don't even know if I want to say I struggle with body image, but I just know body stuff for girls is a thing. It's just a thing. So whether you're too skinny, you're too big, you're too tall, your hips are too wide, you're shaped like a Coke bottle, you're just square straight to the floor, you know, we just, we think about what we look like. Now one of the things that struck me when we talked off camera before was that you have a healthy sense of confidence. And I think a healthy sense of your body image. Actually, I know, I know that that's true because after, well, the whole while you're always into clothes and makeup, and I know that, but then what was really fun to watch you, you know, leading up to the Olympic Games and especially after the Olympic Games, watching you on your Instagram, all the places that you went, is you were just always dressed to impress, always dressed to the nines. I mean, you just take a lot of pride in your appearance. Have you ever struggled with body image, and what do you tell people who do?? Because I know that you do speak about that when you go around.

I have struggled with body image. I've always been the tallest girl in my class and the biggest girl in my class, and then when I got older, when people really started getting into the dark skin, light skin thing, and then all of a sudden the natural hair movement came through, and then you got your hair going to be curly or something.

I know, because right now I'm having a little hair envy. I'm like, dang it. I didn't do my hair straight today.

It's okay, you know, they got things you can just put on and go.

I know, I know. Mine, I couldn't find mine.

We gonna talk about it. You gotta keep it on deck, just have it ready in the corner, always ready. Oh my God. Okay. But, um, so, um, I struggle with that because it was like at one point I was okay with myself and then someone kind of tells me, well, you cute for a dark-skinned girl. And I'm like, well, timeout. What does that mean? Yeah, like, so if I wasn't dark, I'll be cuter? Or yeah, and they'll be like, you know, you know, for a big girl, like, you cute, or you, you got, you got body for a big girl. And I'm like, okay, what does that mean? I could just be cute? But, um, I've always just believed, like, if this is how God made me, then cool, it just is what it is. And so I learned how to just accept my body for what it was. But then also when I Got sick, I gained pretty much over 100 pounds.

Okay, why did you gain 100 pounds?

I have hypothyroidism.

Okay.

Which slows down your metabolism, jack up all your hormones, and your hair fall out. You just have a whole bunch of issues. And it was just like, especially being an athlete, I think that was the hardest thing for me to kind of accept was, I'm an athlete, whatever I pretty much tell my body to do, it does, for the most part. For the most part. But then all of a sudden it changed. I gained 20 pounds in a month and could never lose it. All season long.

Wow.

And so, and then for athletes, that's hard because you're, you're taught to gain and lose weight, change your muscle mass here, do this, do that. You can just do it.

It's a formula, and you, if you work the formula, your body obeys.

Exactly. And sometimes it doesn't. It just didn't do that. And so just gaining the weight and watching my body change to waking up one day, I couldn't fit none of my clothes.

And I was like, and it was like, and you like the clothes you had?

I love my clothes. And I had a pair of jeans on that I was trying to put on, a pair of jeans that I knew I could just put on, they were loose on me, and I don't even have to unbutton them, you just pull them on, pull them off, and you know, there we go. And then when I couldn't get those jeans on and I unbuttoned and unzipped it, I was like, "Why are they unbuttoning?" I was so upset because I'm like, "Man, come on." Now I have to go— You know, but I'm like, I just spent all this money on these clothes, but—

Girl, don't even talk to me right now about that. I got a closet full of clothes.

I'm like, nope, nope, nope. Exactly. But so then over time, I'm just like, you know what, I had to kind of get over myself. And I don't know what clicked in me about it, but I was like, you know what, Michelle, you can't keep thinking about who you was. Or how you used to look, or what I think I might want to look like in the future. I was like, I was stuck because I'm like, well, I'mma lose the weight, I'mma lose the weight, so I'm not gonna get rid of these clothes, and I wasn't buying any new clothes. And so I wasn't the most confident in my clothes because everything was too tight.

So now you're struggling with body stuff and you don't feel like you look good when you walk out the door.

Exactly, I wasn't looking good and feeling good. And so I had to go back and I was like, Michelle, Okay, you all gained some weight. Be honest. Go find out what size you in and go get you some more clothes so you can feel good about yourself. And I think sometimes we have to choose that for ourselves. We have to choose to make ourselves feel good about ourselves. I'm like, this is my body. Losing weight, you're not going to go to sleep and wake up in the morning, 20 pounds is gone. You have to go through the process. And so So I was like, okay, it's going to be a while till you gain some weight. You have this issue going on and losing weight just isn't easy. So I had to be honest with myself. So I had to go and buy clothes and I went up like 2 whole sizes and then my bra size was just ridiculous.

Girl, because look, that is the first signal. It's like, wait a minute, my bra—

My bra is like, you can't tuck no more, you can't get nothing in there. But it was like, I just had to be honest with myself and I'm like, Michelle, you can't go out the door looking like this hoping that one day you lose the weight. Yeah. And so I just went on and bought new clothes so I could at least feel comfortable about myself. And when I walked out the door—

Be the best that you could be at that time.

At that time.

Right.

And I'm like, this is my body, you know, and I still believe I'm cute. I'm just, you know, got more going on, but that's okay. We can work with it. And so, and that's what I ended up choosing to do. And so, because that's what I've always done. But it was hard knowing that I had to go get bigger clothes and my clothes wasn't fitting the same and kind of had to change my style a little bit because I did have to wear a different style of clothes because I, you know, I was always a big girl but I was actually kind of, you know, you were tight, right? Yeah, so I would know some of myself be kind of form-fitting. I'm like, you know, we need something flowy and a little bit more room. I need some more spandex. But, um, and I had to start wearing Spanx.

Girl, hold on, I went and bought my first pair pair of Spanx, which it may not have been a Spanx, it may have been a girdle from Walmart because I'm not gonna spend any money on it. I was just like, this is what my mama used to do, walk through the hall with all these extra accoutrements to her dress.

You can just throw on a dress. But then when you realize, when you grow, you be like, oh, now I see why you have to wear it, because it smooths everything out, you know. And, and I had to learn that, and I was like, I can't believe I'm putting on a pair of Spanx. But now Spanx and I, we get along very well.

You make peace.

And I'm like, you know, and the technology today is awesome because they breathe better. But, um, I just have to just accept who I am at this moment. This is where God has me.

And I think that's the thing, even if there are changes that you want to make, because as long as we're alive, there's always changes we want to make. Yeah, there should be if you're going to grow. That doesn't mean that you stop living or stop accepting who you are or stop celebrating who you are until you get there. Yeah, you have to celebrate along the way.

You have to, because it's, um, and I think that's another form of being content. Being content doesn't mean like you just stop, you just accept where you are right now and work with what you have, right, until you get to the next phase, and while you work towards the next phase. Yeah, yeah, because at that moment I'm just like, you know, this is, this is what it is for me, and I can't sit there stuck uncomfortable, not feeling good about myself, because that's making things worse for me. But I had to be like, hey Michelle, let's, let's get it together. Pull yourself up.

Okay, so let me ask you then, because it's very easy if you're size 12, size 14 and under to shop. Not so much as you get old, well, as you get older, as you get wider, because the stores, they start changing the clothes. So it's really hard to find things that are current that are young, that are fashionable, that don't make you look old and frumpy.

Yeah.

Where are your top 3 places to shop?

Well, the good thing it is about today is the age of internet shopping. And so I go to—

Did you have to take a few risks though at first and things didn't work out?

Yeah, you do.

That's what I haven't tried. I don't wanna—

They have those good— they have decent return policies.

Okay.

So, and then once you try on a few things from that line, you'll know how to order from that point on.

Okay.

Right now, one of my favorite online stores is Eloquii.

Spell it.

E-L-O-Q-U-I-I.

Okay. Eloquii.

And it might be two Ls. I can't remember if it's one L or two Ls. But Eloquii, they have really good clothes.— and they're well made, you know, good decent material, so then that way you can put yourself together and feel good about yourself and not worry about the quality of clothes. So sometimes they can make plus size clothing cheap, and then you use somewhere and bust a thread, or— it's not fun. I've been there, done that. They have good clothes. I also like Fashion to Figure. I've enjoyed them. And I feel like, I'm going to name 4. Okay. Because Lane Bryant is always a good one that you know you can always kind of go in and find something.

I can't.

What?

But I don't like to shop. I may not be a good person.

Okay. Yeah. And then another place is that I know I can always find something, actually my go-to more than Lane Bryant is Nordstrom.

Nordstrom's.

Really? Nordstrom has a whole— they call it their woman's section. Okay. And they actually—

and it's not old and frumpy?

No, they have some old and frumpy pieces, I'm gonna be honest, but they do have pieces that are actually really good that you could put together and find you an outfit. I always walk out with stuff from like when I go to Nordstrom's.

Okay. So there are options.

There are options.

There are options for wherever you are, whatever size you are, and why whatever you're that size, choices or health reasons, to take care of yourself and to— I love the way you said it— look good.

You look good, feel good, do good.

Look good, feel good, do good. That's great.

It's always something about when you wake up and put your clothes on and you think you cute.

It's true.

You walk outside.

It's a different kind of— okay, you know, my home uniform is t-shirts and yoga pants.

Yeah.

But if I get up and just, you know, put on something else and do something else, It changes even the professionalism with which I approach my day. It just changes things.

It sets the tone. It's like when you wake up in the morning, for me, I want to set the tone for that day. When you sick, you want to—

Hold on a second. Will you just tell them we're recording? Side on the door. Next time we need to put a sign on the door. Okay. You were talking about look good, feel good, do good. Do you remember what you were just saying? Yes.

I said, so there are times when we don't feel too good and we put on the sweatpants and stuff.

Which I mean, you can't bump up all the time.

Not all the time, but it's like, but when you put on that, you be like, oh, I feel sick today. You just look like you feel sick and it really makes you think that you're more sick than you are when you really carry yourself that way. Yeah. But then on those times when you really don't feel good, but then you still go get dressed. Yeah. And it's like, as the day goes on, you start really feeling better.

That's another example of acting as if.

Yeah.

I'm gonna dress as if I feel good today. I feel good today. Or I am gonna have a productive day, or, you know, whatever.

Yeah, whatever it is. Yes. And that's for me. I just believe, like, hey, I want to feel cute today, or I want to feel like this today. I'm gonna put it on. If I want to look professional I'mma dress professional. If I want to feel like I'm sporty and I'm cool, I know how to put that on.

Put on some of the gear that those sponsors are giving to you.

Exactly. You know, I could work it out.

So, so you're positive. I'm gonna take a left turn on you. You're positive. You've learned how to celebrate who you are in whatever season of life, physically, spiritually, emotionally that you're in. You have lived focus as evidenced by the fact that The you're here. fact that you're an Olympic gold medalist. Okay. Do you ever struggle with discipline? Discipline to do things? Okay.

Yeah.

Give me an example. Because people will go, oh, that's just her. She's naturally positive. She's nat— so where do you struggle? How do you struggle? In what areas is discipline difficult for you?

I like cookie cakes and pies. I do. Really, to me, my diet is one that's really hard for me. To be honest, because it was at one point where I didn't really have to watch what I ate as much because I could burn it off easy. But then coming into this season of life where I'm eating— what I eat is like more important than I want it to be. Um, it's hard because when you're on the go, it's so quick to go by Whataburger.

That ketchup has crack in it. It's the ketchup.

Spicy ketchup too, like I love it. But it's hard, so now it's like having to plan out my day for real, for real, and having my meals and my snacks prepared and ready to go, and that's hard for me. Like another thing is hard for me is being organized. That's hard. Like putting stuff back where you got it from.

So your spice cabinet is not organized alphabetically, that's what you're saying?

No, no, no, no. And, you know, just trying to stay on top of that, being on time sometimes is hard. So I have a lot of different things that manifest in different ways at different times that I see the lack of discipline. And it's funny because I really believe that, like, for 2017, the Lord is really telling me you need to have that discipline in every aspect of your life. Global discipline, not just one area.

Not just in one area, or where it's easier, or where there's a dream or vision or goal, but just because.

And I would say like that discipline is self-control, that both goes some way. Sometimes we don't have to tell ourselves no. So sometimes for me, it's not even just going to get up and having to cook, the discipline to cook, but even having the self-control when I'm out to make the right choices.

You know, my thing is when I'm out, if I'm gonna pay for it, I want it to be something that I really want. And a salad, even— I mean, I like salads. That's not what I want to spend my money on, you know what I mean? And so I want what's good when I go to that place. Yeah. But you know, one thing I'm reading, this book called The One Thing, and it was— I was just reminded as you were talking, we do have to tell ourselves no, but we ultimately, when we tell ourselves no, are also telling ourselves yes.

Yeah.

And if we can see it like that, I'm saying no, but it's because I'm saying yes, and focus on what we're you're saying yes to, it makes the no not hurt so much, because you're still giving a gift to yourself.

Yeah, it's called delayed gratification.

Look at you trying to be right.

Delayed gratification. Delayed gratification. As an athlete, we have delayed gratification. You train for the hopes for a win, you know, so you don't know if your training is going to help you win until you win. So it was like, okay, if I can do this in this area of my life, if I could just not I'm going to not eat ice cream for a good month and see what happens. If I just delayed and actually plan out when I'm going to eat out or not going to eat well and then just wait for it and how much better it's going to taste then instead of eating it every day, or just to see the results that I'm going to get just by making those choices over time. I decided to switch my thinking, like, Michelle, okay, is this gonna help me now? Because, um, is— am I gonna satisfy my craving now, or am I going to want this later so that I can fit into this dress a little bit better? Right. You know, so I kind of put it in those perspectives, like, okay, I'm gonna eat this now, but then when I go to this event, this dress ain't gonna look as nice as I want it to look. So which one do you want? Which one? The now or the later? Okay, you know what, I I really want to look good in this dress, so let me wait. And so this kind of switching those situations and—

well, I appreciate your transparency because that's the tendency that we have is to put people that have had some kind of achievement and say they have something I don't have or they don't have the struggle that I have. So to say, okay, you've been able to focus with laser precision in one area of your life but you struggle in another area of your life, one, I think that's encouraging to people to, to know that, that that's real. And then two, it means that just because you struggle in one area doesn't mean that you're a failure in all areas, that you can't succeed in another. I mean, and I think that's where that spiral happens, is one thing is wrong, oh, everything is wrong. And that's not how it has to work. No, it is not how it has to work. Okay, if you, you listen to the podcast, so you know kind of the stuff I talk about. If you had to, of all the things that you think, of all the wisdom that you've learned, and of all the things you could say, if you could have you have one thought to leave with the listeners, if you're like, this is my one time on Chrystal Hurst's podcast and I want them to hear me say this, what would that be?

Um, I would say be honest with yourself and forgive yourself, because we're not honest with ourselves about our issues. We want to make them look better or seem not as bad they really are. But sometimes we have some issues, and if we're lying and cheating on ourselves, then we need to be honest about that to ourselves, because you can't fix it if you're not going to be honest about it. And then forgive yourself for when you do have a mistake or when you do mess up, because you can mess up and you like, you can pretty much condemn ourselves. And I know I'm hard on myself. I'm very critical of myself, so I can go down that spiral and just be like, Michelle, you're like, you ain't no good. Like, you trifling. Like, why would you do that? Like, you always a little— and I can get that in my mind, but then I have to remember, like, okay, I have to forgive myself. Like, Michelle, you messed up, but that's okay. You're still alive. You have a chance to fix it. You have a chance to, um, do it again, or you have another chance to pass that test. And so I have to forgive myself at the same time and also just be honest with myself. Like, I know I have some lazy tendencies and just not doing something, but I forgive myself for not doing it, but I'm gonna keep— but I'm gonna go back and I'm gonna make sure I fix it and get it done.

Well, thank you so much for being on. This is gonna be so fun. Like, I already— I can't wait for it to come out. This is so fun. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for being transparent. And thank you, thank you for showing me and showing everybody who's watching and listening what it takes to be a winner even when in every area of life you're not winning. You can still win while you're growing in other areas where you're struggling, and I love, I love that.

Thank you so much. Thank you for having me.

Yay, Michelle Carter, everybody!

I'm touching an Olympic gold medalist!