Dawn Barton on Conquering Midlife

Y'all are in for a treat because Dawn Barton is joining me today for the podcast. Welcome, Dawn.

Hi, how are you?

She is one of the brightest lights I have ever met in all of my life. And the thing is, if I can just say this plainly, there are people who are bright and bubbly and beautiful, but the substance isn't there. And then there are people who have such great depth and substance. But you just don't know if they like you or not. And like you bring both of those together. So you're gonna make me laugh. You're going to make me happy. You're gonna make me feel good about myself. And then you're gonna also have things to say about life, about wisdom, about business, about development. Um, you don't apologize for who you are, for what you believe or how you wanna operate in this world. You like, you like come into a room and Dawn arrived. It's like that. It's that vibe. And there are very few people that can hold both. You know what I mean? Like the happy joy, but also like I get things done. And I love that about you.

That's pretty much like the best compliment ever. I'm going to play this back, write it down. And when they say, how can we introduce you? I'm going to go like this. Say that again.

Use this. Use this. Just transcribe it, tweak it, and then do the thing. Yeah. Okay. So I know you because we met at, um, Laura Casey's event back when, and, um, and it was, you know, like I just came cuz Laura asked me. I didn't know really anything about the event. I had not met you. And then by the time we left, I was like, I like her. Like she's my people. And then we had an opportunity to talk about your last book. Laughing Through the Ugly Cry. And here we are because you were ready to talk about midlife, which let's, let's first of all define what is midlife. Is it an age? Is it a feeling? Is it— how are you defining midlife?

I don't think midlife is an age. I will say that, um, for no other reason than the publisher did a survey and asked me what they thought midlife was, and they said 35 to 65. I think it was '67, actually. And that's just adulting. Yeah. So I, all I thought was, I don't know who the 35-year-old is, but oh my gosh, she needs a hug, you know, like, oh baby, I'm so sorry. But, um, I think that it is, I think it's a pivot point in life, right? So I think we have it when we have little kids and we lose identity. We're wondering where the heck did we go? When did I last shower? Who am I? And then I think we have it again, for me, 50-ish, um, when we're redefining who we are. Things are dramatically changing in our life. A lot of times our kids have gone and we're starting to— I think the negative side of it is we are starting to, um, pull back, you know, stand in the shadows a little more. And so the whole book, that if I were to say one message, is to get on the top of the mountaintops again with your arms held high and say, I'm still here, and I have a lot to give.

You know, I resonate with the whole I'm still here, she's still here messaging. But I want to ask you this. You said 50, when we start pulling back, why are we pulling back? What is, what is your assessment of why this even happens at that moment?

Well, I mean, if we're going to be honest, we have changed a lot of times. We're coming out of this season of life of, um, mother, marriage, um, and we are stepping back into a world a little bit different than before, and we're not the same as we were physically on the outside, and we start to think that that is equal to what's on the inside. My theory on that is this: when we are young, there's not a whole heck of a lot of wisdom and great stuff on the inside, you know, like that stuff builds with time. Yeah, so the packaging has to be a little better on the outside. Yeah, as we age and get older, it's so good on the inside, packaging doesn't matter as much anymore. You know, if you think about it, we are— we know more, we have more wisdom, we've loved more, we've lost more, we've failed more and gotten back up more. We are the best we have ever been.

Yeah.

And yet for some ridiculous reason, we hand the microphone over to a girl in her 20s who doesn't even know what a chin hair is. So I'm just like, we got to quit doing that. And I think that we do it to ourselves. I hear people say, well, social, you know, the, the media tells us that we're not. And I disagree. I think we are responsible for that. We pull back and we need to step forward.

You know, there was a season actually when my mom was sick and there were some things happening just socially around us with some friends and family. And, you know, I'm a pretty— I have thoughts, you know, and I have thoughts and I don't mind saying them, but in this particular circumstance, I would get quiet. Like if certain people would enter the room or If a certain discussion was happening or if there was a dynamic, I would get quiet. And there was one moment where literally some people left the room and she and I were just sitting there. I was on my phone, she was doing something else, and she didn't even look at me. She said, why do you do that? I said, huh? She said, why do you do that? I said, do what? And she said, pull back. And I said, I don't know. I mean, I fumbled through my answer. It may have been a little like, Maybe I don't want the confrontation or friction. I don't want the tension. I don't wanna have to volley for space. Like it's just okay. And then she lifted up her head and she looked me dead in the eye and she says, you don't have to do that. Don't do that. I think it is, it feels easier in some regard to pull back, but it's not really because then you're trading in the fullness of you in the spaces where you're supposed to exist. I would love for you to talk about, you know, what does it look like to even realize that you're pulling back? Like, what—

Yeah, let me tell you from kind of my own experience of a little bit of what happened. Um, for me, I remember, um, this moment of— actually, I'm— this is gonna be funny in a second for after what I say, what I say. Um, of walking into my closet and it was— it looked like, you know, Morticia Addams lived there. It was black, a light black, a gray, a touch of white. But I'm wearing black today, so it's actually kind of funny. Um, and I just looked at it and I thought, you used to love coral and color and bright, joyful clothing. When did you start dressing to look thinner and more pulled back instead of like, hello world? And so that was my first thing. And then the second day, just— there were two days in a row. The second day I went into the grocery store, for some reason the music piping through the grocery store was— you're gonna look like a geek here, I know that— was Pavarotti's Nessun Dorma, this opera song that's— you would know it if you heard it. It's a famous, famous one. But I used to have it on a CD. You remember when we used to burn CDs? You know, like, I had that.

I remember when I used to record on cassette tape.

Yes! And hope it came on the radio so you could push the things to record, like, oh, I got it. So we digress, um, but, and I just thought, what happened that you quit chasing down music that stirred your soul to listen to? That you quit looking for those things? So I went home and I started doing this deep dive into— imagine like back when you were dating uh, your husband, how you wanted to know everything about them, right? You want to know like what's his favorite color, what's favorite food, what's— I just— and I wanted to do that with myself and figuring out who I was today, not in my 20s, not in my 30s, but yet in my 50s. Who was I now? And so I started with something as simple as what is my favorite color to wear, what are my favorite colors in the house. I started doing things like I got new panties and bras.

I just like Listen, uh, that'll change your whole life.

It will change you. Yes, it will. And I had panties that were like— at that point I had a 14-year-old. It was my maternity panties because they were so comfortable from her. So like, it's just— I mean, my lucky husband, I know, right? Um, hey baby. Um, but it was just this like chasing me Because it can be— you can want to do all the great things in the world, but till you get back in touch with lovin' who God made you to be and figuring out all the gifts you have and just what you bring to this world, it's very hard to be a light in the world when you don't think you're a light. So go into that first step. That's kind of how I did it for me. And it took a while. It took it like paying attention and and as crazy as it sounds, dating myself, if you will, um, to figure out who I was again.

Okay. So I want to ask you, cause I find this to be true for a lot of women and it can be for different reasons, but definitely midlife is one of them where we don't know what we like. So when you talk about dating yourself, I would love, you want, you went and said, okay, what did I used to like? But And for some women, they don't know, or they don't necessarily want to go back to who they were. There's like a rediscovery process and midlife gives you an opportunity to try some stuff out. So if you were talking to a woman who's like, okay, I need to rediscover or discover who I am, but I don't, I don't know who she is. I don't have anything to get back to. I'm not even sure how, what would you tell her dating herself actually looks like?

Well, just so happens I have a chapter in the book called I Love Me, and you can go— if you go to dawnbarton.com/iloveme, you can download like a step-by-step. But for me, when I started it, this sounds so— y'all are going to be like, yeah, you're really helpful, Dawn. Um, I had a list and the notes on my phone, and every time I had a smell that I liked. I saw colors, I saw flowers, I saw cars, I saw anything that I liked. It just went on that list. And I know that sounds so crazy, but it was. Um, one of the things was fragrance for me because I had started many years ago, I was buying fragrances that everyone else liked, and I wanted to get back to what, what smells in my home did I like, which smells on my body did I like. I don't care if I smell like a musky man. I wanted to like it, right? I do tend to like a little more musky smell, so I don't get— but I wanted to like it. So it's just silly stuff like that, you know. Um, we gotta chase it. We gotta, we gotta, we gotta fight for us. Nobody's gonna fight, you know. We have to participate in our own rescues fiercely, all the time.

Yes. I think we get really good at participating in everyone else's rescue.

Amen.

But let's talk about that because it's kind of a requirement for the job. Like, if you're going to be a mother, a daughter, a wife, a great boss, if you're going to be a great neighbor, if you're going to be, you know, reliable and responsible and dependable at church, if you're going to see problems in the world and want to fix them, You know, if you have a tragedy in your home when your family and that leads you to want to start a nonprofit to help someone else who— I mean, like, we girls are good at rescuing things, other projects and other people. We're not so good at rescuing ourselves, which is so interesting. Like, we kind of get pushed to the wall before we go, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. What do I like? What do we— what do I need? Do you have to, did you have to, in your pursuit of you fighting for yourself, have any guilt associated with that? Because fighting for you means making room for you, which means saying no to something else that you've been making room for sometimes. And I think that's why a lot of women struggle. I, I don't wanna fight for myself because how can I do that and still do all these things for all these other people? So how did it look for you, or what does it look like for you to make space for you, especially when that required you to maybe give other things less space in your life?

So I actually have a chapter in the book called Hail to the No, which is H-A-I-L to the No.

Say it again, Donna. Say it again.

Hail to the No. Hail to the No. Nine, nope, nada, uh-uh. I am not one of those women that's had trouble saying no in their life. Like, that's not— I don't need to read the book on how do you say no. I've been pretty good about that. But I do think that this is the season of life where God kind of takes you by the shoulders and says, wake up, it's the second half. And I have put you through this and this and this. I have— you have learned as a mother, as a daughter, as a wife, as a this, as a that, as a worker. All that for this second half. It's time to get in the game. And what we, you know, I think sometimes we see that, uh, I think of like midlife is like at the top of the mountain, if you will, and we're at the top and we all see that it's burrasko downhill, right? It's the, it's the beginning of the end. This is, you know, and, and I do, I want you to keep that visual of about to go downhill, but I want you to have the visual of being in a roller coaster and throwing up your arms and saying, "Wahoo!" Like, this is that next half. All the things that you did to get to here are now.

Such a great visual.

And I want you to envision. Yes. And that's what I want us to be and what I want us to remember. And I think we're allowed a little bit of, you know, questioning and flailing for a little bit and figuring out who we are. But the pity party can only last so long, and then you got to step into who it is that you are called to be now and figure it out.

I love— first of all, I love that visual because nobody's mad on the roller coaster that it's going down. That's the good part. Yeah, that's the best part.

Wow. Okay, and it can be scary, but it's still fun.

Now you are talking about this um, topic. So this midlife battle cry, you're talking about this— this is not because you're, you know, you, you're, you're, your daughter and your family are all free birding it and you're just free all the time. Like, you are in a multi-generational living situation. Of course you're living with your husband, your 16-year-old daughter is still there, Your mother-in-law is living next to you or living with you.

In with us. Yeah.

And right. And then your parents are next door. So a lot of times people will say, okay, well, I'll be free to get my life together or decide what I want to do when they're gone. Like when I no longer have these responsibilities, when the children are out, when, you know, and so you are doing this in the middle of all of the things that are still a part of your life. So I know you say you don't have a hard time saying no, which is great. A lot of women do, but you have to have developed boundaries of how far you will go because you were still doing things. It's not like you said no to Next Door Living or no to your mother-in-law living with you. So how do you set boundaries in a way for you to celebrate you and for you to make room for you. How are you setting boundaries? How do you do that with people that you love that need you? They need you.

So that's— it's such a good question. And because I have a part of that midlife crisis is I went from just my husband, daughter, and I, us, into moving into this 23-acre property with all of us together. It's like the Clampetts went to the country. Um, but I also stepped into a caretaking role because two of them got sick, and life completely different. And everybody's good right now, but I made a decision in the fall of 2022 that in '23 I wouldn't speak, um, because it was more important to me in that season to be with them. Um, and that was for me. I know that, that— I don't mean that like, uh, like Mother Teresa's so selfless over here at all. It was the anxiety of agreeing to speak at an organization and potentially 2 days later saying, I can't come because we're back in the ICU. Yeah, weighed heavier on me than caring for them. And I, I just, I knew that I would not regret taking the time with them. Now, on the flip side, as my mother was, she had had a stroke in this particular season and she came out of it. And she said, um, you don't get to use me as an excuse for not doing all the things you're called to do.

What do you, what do you think she saw that she picked up on? Because it, that doesn't sound like, I just know you said no to a few speaking engagements. What was she seeing that had her call that out in you?

Um, yeah, I think that I was looking at, you know, I do women's retreats. I was looking at putting some off. And she said, no, you know, that's— you don't get to do that.

Was she good?

She's the bossiest thing.

Is she good at living her life the way she wanted to?

Um, and so she had a ruptured brain aneurysm in 2015, and prior to that she was a CPA and bold and fearless and all those things. Um, since then Uh, I mean, we had to learn to walk and speak and do all that again. So life is very different. But I would say for the majority of her life, she modeled the woman who did that.

Because women who say that, they're at one end of the pendulum or the other. They either didn't do it and they're like, oh no, you're not going to miss out. Or they did do it and they're like, you need to do it too. There's no middle ground there. That's amazing. That's amazing.

Yeah.

When you find yourself—

and I'm sorry, I just interrupted you. And I will say one of the things I don't think we talk about, and I do want to write a book about, is the caretaking thing.

It's real. It's real.

It is hard and we don't talk about it and it is, it needs to be talked about.

So are you living the life that you want to live? I mean, do you even know how? Have you taken the time to figure out what your dreams are, what your passions are, and how you can connect with those? Listen, at the end of your life, uh, I don't want you to say, man, I wish I had done so-and-so, or I wish I had done more of that, or I wish I had done less of that. I want you to feel good about your life when you realize that the time that you were supposed to spend on earth is coming to a close. That can only happen when you live intentionally. I want life to be a little planned for you, but I also want it to be a bit of a wild ride. There are so many times in my own life where I thought I had a solid plan and then life did something else. But what I've learned is that every time life has taken a turn I did not plan on, the more I engage with it, the better life gets. Do you know me even showing up here and doing videos and podcasts and writing blogs and writing books and speaking is a bit of a wild ride. It's not anything that I had planned for my life, but there were many circumstances, unplanned circumstances, not great circumstances that created an opportunity and a need for me to pour myself into my passion. For me to look for opportunities to be creative. And that has ended up creating an opportunity for me to serve you and honestly, to earn a living from doing that. So the wild ride that God had planned for me intersected with moments in my life that were hard. Um, hard. We needed to figure out how to make money hard. I needed to figure out how to go into a space. Speaking and writing that I had not planned on. Hard figuring out what to do with all the equipment to learn how to record videos and make podcasts. But every single thing that I get to do now in my life, and I mean that, that I get to do, I get to do because it was a bit of a wild ride to get here. What I can tell you from experience is that God will always dream a bigger dream than you will ever dream for yourself. And sometimes the road to get there is tough, but the destination always makes it worth it. One of the reasons why I even have a membership called The Inner Circle is because I realized that along the way, when life has a wild ride, we need women in our lives who can cheer us on, you know, charge us up, like call us out and tell us to keep going. And the beautiful thing about The Inner Circle is community and accountability. And additional coaching and mentoring from me and friends. But there's one more thing that the Inner Circle gives the members who are able to join me for special events. That's VIP status. October of this year, in 2023, October the 19th through the 22nd, I'll be taking a group of women with me to California to the Sister Circle Retreat. And do you wanna know who the VIPs will be? And only these women can be VIPs. The women in the inner circle, because I really believe that when we connect with each other all year long and then have a special opportunity to get together in person, those are the only VIPs that should be in the room. So I not only want to invite you to be a part of the inner circle, I would love to invite you to join me for the Sister Circle Retreat. You can find out more by going to thesistercircle.com/retreat. For more information. You can come alone. You won't leave that way, or you can come with friends and use this as an opportunity to get away with girls that you already love and connect with. Whatever you decide to do, coming alone or coming separately, what I can guarantee you, and you just have to take me at my word, is it an ex— it's an amazingly unique experience that is a little unrepeatable because there will never be the same mix of women at a retreat exactly the same ever again. And God has a way of making sure that the group of women who end up coming and end up connecting at the retreats, that they form relationships that last way beyond when the retreat is over. So I just want to make sure that you know that you're invited and I would love to have you join me in California in October. Now y'all, let's get back to talking with our guest today, Dawn, and see what she has to say about taking that wild ride with God. You talk about embracing yourself, um, but you talk about it fully, meaning it's not just about figuring out what color you want to wear. It is, but it's not just that. It's not just about your favorite candles. It is, but it's not just about that. It is embracing the whole of you, so emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically. Let's talk about the physical part. Okay, so this morning I actually have this sitting in my phone, uh, to send to the Inner Circle. I recorded it this morning and then I couldn't figure out how to get some of the software to work on my phone to push it out. But I literally was walking, so I've joined the rec center and it's a whole thing because other people join the rec center like I'm supposed to, like, be running a half marathon. It's like those people joined the rec center. Why am I a part of the rec family? So I'm walking down the little path and it's like they got the little walking path at the— and I recorded this video and I said, you know, I decided years ago to be fat and happy because I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to go up and down the scale. I don't want to figure out the latest diet. I don't want to— now, do I want to move because my body needs this?

Yes.

Do I want to eat good food? Foods because I feel better when I do? Yes. But this whole idea of being worried about what I weigh is for the birds. But I also realize that a lot— that is a challenge, right? As we get older, the things that we could change at will at 25, that no matter how much we will them away at 50-some-odd, it will not change. Like, let's talk about physical body. Everybody wants to be body positive and wear, you know, bikini, but the only people who are really doing that They're still in their 20s, like they're still a little tighter, you know. So what, what does accepting your physicality look like when you look in the mirror and you see the things that have changed? And maybe you even don't like what you see. How do you embrace yourself physically with the changes that maybe even shock yourself as they come?

Yeah, so I I don't know where I heard this, but I decided— y'all are going to be like, you've lost your mind— but I decided, and I have had to do it every few, few months, to get naked by myself in front of a mirror. And I start at the top of my head and I thank God for all the things. And like, truly finding something. So I am somebody who's had breast cancer, triple negative breast cancer, stage 3. So I have one breast that was— they did a mastectomy on the right side. I have a scar hip to hip, huge. Yeah, I mean, I have one nipple. The whole thing's just a mess. But, um, and I have— because they did all that, I have arms that are— I call them highly blessed. They are very blessed. They're very large, um, because the weight won't go to the abdominal area anymore. That goes to my arms and sort of the upper part of my legs. And I just said, you better figure out it— sorry, it actually makes me cry because it's been so much of a— that number on a scale has controlled my life a lot. And, um, then so I just was like, I gotta find a place of gratitude for this thing that is a mess, these flabby arms and these scarred up body and this flabby neck, I have to find a place of gratitude. So I went from top and just every— my nose, my lips, my, you know, flabby neck, my breasts, my scars, my stretch marks that babies came from, all of it, and just found a place. And I had to keep doing it again and again to remind myself to be in a place of gratitude that I'm here in all my mess.

You know, and I've heard people say that and I've always thought until I did it, I've only done it once, but until I did it, I just thought, ah, okay, stand in the mirror naked and thank God for all the little nooks and crannies. But you know, so much about who we are and what we will do in our lives stems from our thoughts. And if you think of your body like it's an enemy, then you're not going to treat it like it's an ally. You know, um, and I remember thinking, you know, I mean, I, my scars are C-section scars, right? And so no matter what I do, there's just always this little extra down there and all that. Um, but then I think, okay, but life came from there. Like, can you hear people say it? Like, it's my battle scars or whatever. You know, it's, it's true. Like, this is a part of the story. My body tells me about where I've been, what I've done, what I've accomplished. Um, now let's talk about dressing. Now, do you like shopping? You had all the black and tan, but do you enjoy this in your life?

I hate to shop.

Okay, so a big part for me of the body issue is the body issue, and then second to that is covering the body, because I think trying to figure out what you feel good in, if you're working to feel good about the skin you're in, and then you have to work to feel good about covering the skin you're in, like, if that's just right. So what have you found to make— to, to allow that part of it even to give you joy so that you are putting things in your closet that you want to feel good about?

So I have found like 3 brands that I tend to really love, and I know that I fit in. And I, if I'm being honest, I probably pay a little bit more, um, because I buy less of the— and I know that they— I look good in them. The pants fit me right. They— a lot of times they do arms that cover. Um, so I will say when I get dressed, I feel super fine, pretty good, you know.

I know we have to find it, and I think that goes back to dating yourself. I mean, you have to know what works for you, what you like, what, what makes you feel good, what you enjoy. And then don't worry about all the stuff that doesn't, right?

And I will say, for a while I was wearing bigger things to hide behind them, and I realized when I would come in on my clothing not too tight, but when it fit me better, it looked better, and I didn't feel like I was hiding as much. I do— I still like some loose, flowy things, but Um, I'm like, it's okay to truly be a size 16, 18, you know. I don't know, I'm like a 97 on my arms, but whatever. That it just— it all, it all works, you know.

The question, did I do what I wanted to do in my life? I think the one of the goals of life is trying to answer that question along the way so that by the time you actually answer or ask yourself that question, and it really matters, which is when you know you're getting towards the end or that you have an answer you feel good about. And I think, you know, that's a part of even what our friend Laura would talk about. When you're 70, when you're 80, when you look back, what will you wish you had done? Do more of that right now. Um, we talked about like dating yourself to know what you like. But I think beyond clothes and beyond, um, um, you know, your favorite scents and the things you enjoy, things, the things that, that, that light you up on the inside, there's the who you are question, you know, because so much of what we do with our life is about what, who we think we are, what we think we have to give. Um, and that question may be a little bit harder to answer because it, it may not, you know, like when you were saying about the cars, I see a car go by and I'm like, oh, that's cute. How do I do the same for me on the inside? If I'm supposed to use this season of my life and really any season, but we know we're talking about midlife as an, as, and give myself permission to pivot, to do more of me, to be more of me. If I'm still trying to get clarity on that, how do I learn me? How do I learn what I want more of in life? Not so much just because I like it, because it's who I am and what I'm supposed to put into the world.

You know, I think that of course the answer is so different from every woman. Um, and If I— part of it, I think, is this thing we do in our minds where we have this invisible line, and to one side of that invisible line are all the great miracles of our life, right? We had our kids, we had a hard body, we had boobs that were perky, we had, you know, our marriage, our career, all the things, all the great miracles of life, right? We had them there, and we believe consciously or subconsciously that on the other side it's going to be devoid of as many miracles because we're older and all of that. But God is not sitting there saying, okay, well, you had 138. I got— gosh, I gave you a lot of those on that side, so I'm not going to give you— it's not the way that works. But what's different is if you're in a mindset that all the great miracles of my life have already been divvied up and you step— start stepping back, I promise you all the great miracles of your life will have been divvied up. If you live in that expectancy that there will be no miracles versus an expectancy of, I'm about to have as many amazing, beautiful miracles in my life as I just had on the other side. That is a very different mindset. I don't know what it's going to look like, but I know he has just taken me by the shoulders and said, baby, this is the second half. Are you ready? You know, it's different, it's new, it's exciting, and it's the— it's such a great season. It's so good. I, I don't know any— anybody who— are you over 50 yet?

I'm 50, so I'm over. Okay, 50.

Okay, 50.

I'll be 51 in a month.

I have noticed that like when women— when I was turning 40, women were like, '40s is so great.' And then in the 50s, women were like, 'Oh my gosh, 40s are nothing like 50s. 50s are so great. And then women in their 60s, they're like, oh, 60s are even better than 50s. And part of it is I, I think we do cross a little bit into the line of I don't care what you think as much, which is a really great place to be.

Yeah.

And it also is nice that if we will stay connected to other women, we are wired for community. If you are isolating, stop it right now because you will notice that your other friends in that same age range are going through all the same stuff that you are.

Yeah.

So I think when we share with each other about what's going on, we stay in community like that. And then we also embrace that we have so much to give to a generation that's behind us. You know, we should have those ahead of us and those behind us always, and that we work with both, that we are teaching and bringing up and learning from those that are younger, because none of us would know technology if we didn't have them. And then the older one, the wisdom and the beauty. I mean, I, I can think of so many beautiful women in their 70s and 80s. I just want to sit at their feet and just listen. And I'm finally at an age where I actually would listen. You know, in my 20s, I'm like, you don't know, you're so dumb, you're so stupid, I'm so smart. Look at you, you can't even control your weight. It's so funny.

Well, you know, you just said, you know, giving our wisdom, passing it along. And I think that's the part that makes people feel like, oh, it's over for me. Like now I gotta, you know, like, okay, I did it. I got something. So now my role is I'm gonna help your life be better as if the two are mutually exclusive.

Right.

You know? Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah.

So what do you think, like, how have you found it possible for you to pour into a generation behind you, um, in a way that they'll receive it?

Uh-huh.

Or how, what does it look like for you to be intentional doing that? And to keep from feeling dismissed, because along the way that will happen. 20s and 30s will dismiss you. It's— and it's so crazy because as soon as it happens, you're thinking, I remember doing that. I remember looking at somebody and be like, you don't know anything. Oh my God, you're so antiquated in your thinking. So what does it look like for you right now to pour into the generation behind you? And how do you resist the feeling, or does that feeling even crop up?

The dismissive feeling. So, yeah, I will say that, um, in writing the book and going through that, I was so focused on this midlife and the women around it, championing them. And I thought, you're getting a little bit— I don't even know if like prejudice is the word, um, where I was kind of really looking down at the women younger and just like, you guys are idiots. And so I was, you know, I, I was at fault. And I just— so I started really actually, uh, I saw that that was a fault and I wanted to fix it and I wanted to do better at it. And I thought, where in my life can I be better and learn from them? Like, humble myself to learn from them as well. And really, they have so little to teach. But no, Jason, I'm just kidding. I'm totally kidding. I have a daughter who's 32. And one that's 16. Uh, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. That's just, just something to stir them up when they hear this. Um, but the, uh, but I, I started— sometimes I think when we talk, like a person here, you are a woman with a platform. Um, when we do things where we have a little bit of a platform, that people would look at us and go, oh, well sure, because you have a bit of a platform to do those things in. But it's not about that. It's about doing it in your everyday life. So I have women, um, I have a couple of young women in my life who I've been more intentional about, um, deepening the relationship so that I could make sure that if I spoke about midlife, that I spoke about it from loving on both sides, because I wasn't doing it and I wanted to do better. So I don't think it's necessarily that you're not— and maybe it is for you, I don't— it's not about you know, standing on big stages, or you don't have to start a great big group. You don't have to— it's what's in front of you. Sometimes it's a girl at work with you. Sometimes it's the— but it's, you know, to be able to be, um, the light of Jesus in every situation in your life. I think that's a lot more of what it's about, just loving on them.

But for the person who will say to you, Don, this is easy for you, like you have a great career that you've had with enough support and celebration of your achievements, where of course you can tell me in midlife to embrace myself and to not sit down and to lean into what God has for me. Of course, when you've already written a book or you've already been a speaker or you've already been, you know, this top-level sales director, I mean, you've already done these things. It's easy for you to say that. I'm not coming from that. I'm coming from I've just kind of been meandering through my life and no one told me I was good at anything. I don't think I'm good at anything. I would like to be, but I don't have the past experience to stand on to say, let me do more of that, or let me get back to that. I'm still just barely here, just meandering or just feeling on hold. I've been on hold my whole life. So what would you say to the woman who doesn't have a track record to stand on?

Well, first I would say one thing I want that woman to know is that I am somebody who— I have lost a child, I have been raped and it went to a full jury trial, I have had stage 3 triple negative breast cancer, my husband was an alcoholic and he's 8 years sober now, my sister passed away from cancer, my mother had the breast brain brain aneurysm, and so much more. Okay, so don't think that— I say that because don't, don't let the accolades define what you think the life is. And it's same thing for you. Don't let the accolade, or lack thereof, or what you perceive to be the lack of an accolade, be the definition of where you are right now today. Because whether you like it or not, you have survived 100% of everything you've been through. Oh, Chrystal Hurst wouldn't be here. And you have something to tell.

You have survived 100% of everything you've been through.

Uh-huh. You have a very good track record.

Wow. Wow. Wow. That's so good. When you think about in this season of your life, I mean, joy is a big deal to you. Female empowerment is a big deal to you. When you think about, uh, what you want the takeaway from people who read your book, from here, this, that hear this podcast, they come to your retreats, that, um, that hear you speak, when they in this season connect with you and walk away, what is the one thing that you want them to walk away with?

That's, that's a something I should have a really good profound answer to. I, anytime I want there to be— we highly underestimate. I work with women forever, how, um, unseen other women are. So anytime I have the chance to, in whatever format, I just, I want to be to another woman and say, I see you and I love you. And that is the biggest thing that I want is that, see you, you're so amazing, the world needs so much more of you, and that I love you and God loves you. That's, that's, that's what I hope at the end of the day was If somebody knew Dawn Barton, that, that I spread the word of love a little bit more, I hope.

I love that so much. I love you so much, girl. Listen, every time I connect with you, it is just such a treat. You make me laugh. Now you have me thinking like, should I send my favorite Amazon link for panties to the girls? Because I found the mecca. You know what I mean? Like, once you find a good— yes, good set of panties that you're like, oh, this, this is amazing. And a bra, it's, it's like you should share it. I feel like we should share these things.

You 100%. And I'm also going to tell y'all a life secret. If you can find some panties that have the Wonder Woman logo on the front, you need to buy those panties and you save them for days that you're like, I'm a little nervous today. I did a TEDx talk years ago. I had Wonder Woman panties on. I'm saying share the link for the panties, y'all.

You are the best. Thank you so much for joining me. And it's been a pleasure as always to talk to you.

I love and adore you. And I hate that we're so far because we could sit, I think, for days on end and talk.

Agreed.

Agreed. Wow! Wow!