Do You Want to be Healed?

Hey there, welcome back or welcome here for the first time.

I have a question for you today. Do you want to be healed?

Let's talk about it.

Hi, my name is Chrystal Hurst, and if you find yourself here for the first time, just know that I'm here on a weekly basis sharing videos that I Hope, Pray, and Expect are going to help you and challenge you to live your life well. I am going live or sharing recorded videos on YouTube or Facebook, and you could subscribe to YouTube or follow me on Facebook if you want to make sure you never miss a video again or miss the random times that I go live, which does happen every now and again. Most of the time I'm sitting right here in my chair sharing content with you that I've recorded earlier in a live with my Inner Circle membership, and we button it up, we edit it up, and we make sure it is put together for you on a weekly basis. But every now and then I share something different, and this is one of those weeks. Every now and then, y'all, I'm not in my chair, and I may actually look a little bit more put together than I do, uh, when we record these videos. I'm sharing from behind a podium at an event, um, teaching, uh, usually God's word. And I wanted to share this most recent teaching. Like, this is fresh. This happened within a week of me releasing this everywhere. It is fresh because it wasn't planned. I planned what I was gonna say, and literally I could not shake that there was something else that I was supposed to share at a local women's group in town. A friend of mine, pastor's wife, called and said, "Can you come and speak to my women?" I said, "Yes." And I had planned what I was going to say, and there was something else that I needed, apparently, that I also needed to share with others. And so, because this was so timely for me, And because I believe it was timely for this women's group locally, I wanted to share it with you because I believe it's timely for you too. I not only believe that this can be helpful to you, encouraging for you, healing for you, but I also believe it may be convicting for some of you too. I know it was convicting for me. So here's the deal.

Sit back, 'cause this is a full-length, pretty much unedited teaching.

And I want you to think about the question, Do you want to be healed? Okay, and I want you to tell me after you watch the video, to tell me in the comments what hit you, what, uh, sunk in, what resonated with you. And as always, if this video was helpful to you, I want you to like it and share it with a friend. All right, y'all, sit back, listen up, and answer the question: do you really want healing? Because I believe healing, freedom, and wholeness can be yours. Here we go.

Hello! Listen, y'all gave me an excuse to leave home on a Wednesday night. I'm so glad to be here with you. I just left.

I was like, listen, I put it here, it's 3:50 in the oven, 30 minutes.

Do not call me. Don't call me.

And if it don't work, if you don't like it, then eat cereal.

So thank you so much for letting me be here with you tonight. I'm so I'm so grateful. Listen, Wednesday nights at OCC is the place to be.

And I'm so grateful. I know for those of you who are in the house here where I'm at, and those of you who are watching, it's an awesome time to be in the word. And I'm so elated to be a part 'cause I know Jada on a regular consistently is up here every other Wednesday night sharing the word. I'm amazed at how she churns out the word consistently, ongoingly, every other week for you all. And I hope you know that you are feasting good on Wednesday nights, not to mention on Sundays with Pastor Conway. But y'all know I hail from the other side of town, Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship, where my pastor and my leader, my daddy, is Dr.

Tony Evans. So I'm here on loan.

I'm here on loan, but I'm glad to be with— I didn't even ask you, how long am I talking tonight?

What, 45 minutes?

Oh, there's a thing right there.

Okay, thank you. Great.

So what had happened was I actually had a scripture that I And I hate when people say this when they're speaking, you know, I had something planned, but then the Lord led me.

But it's true, it's true, it is true.

So I'm going to get to that, but there was something else I wanted to share with you, and I'm really excited about it, um, because it is literally, uh, the last 48 hours been something that God is just really downloading to me. Have you ever had an experience where you needed an answer from God? You may have been praying about it. You may have been waiting for it. It may have been difficult to hang on while you were, um, just asking God what does he want you to do next.

And then the Bible often— we see it in story after story that when God moves, he moves suddenly. And then when it is something that is very clear, then you obey.

You got to move when it's time.

So I was kind of wrestling with the Lord.

I was like, for real? Because I haven't had a chance to really break in what I want to share. He said, no, it's, it's for tonight. So I want you to know that I've been clearly given the green light to share this with you. The first thing that you need to understand about me is I'm always barely here. That's the first thing you need to understand about me. Jada can contest to this very thing. Right now, under this jacket, there's a hole in my shirt. Praise the Lord.

Hallelujah. Praise the Lord. Barely here. I took off my compression socks in the car because I needed to wear them On the ride from the other side of town here, always.

I literally looked at myself in the mirror yesterday and thought, oh my gosh, you have to speak at 1 tomorrow.

What are you going to do with my—

with your hair?

So I got in the shower, I was like, just wet it, then tie it down. It'll stay put until you have something. So I'm always barely here, always.

But I have to tell you that, um, one of the things that is a part of my barely-here-ness is hair. Hair not on my head, but on my face. I cannot tell you how many times it has been time for me to speak, it has been time for me to take a picture, it's been time for me to do a live, it has been time for me to do something, and I look at myself and my mustache is just full grown.

It's just full. It's just full grown. And the thing is, is I have tried to be grown about it.

You know, when you realize that the hair is something that you need to deal with, you start doing grown-up things, like you start going to to get it waxed or threaded or, you know, and I have decided that eyebrows can thread. I cannot take the threading on the lip.

The lip is a little more sensitive.

I'm like, just wax it and pull it off.

And there's this little place by my house that I go to, $8, you know, I walk in there and they just rip it off and they're like, "You want us to thread it?" No, no, I don't want you to do that.

Just put the wax on it, don't burn me, and pull it off. But the trick is I gotta be together enough to remember to do that before I need to be in front of a camera or I need to take a picture or I need to do something important. And I can never get it together enough to do that. So y'all, I remember a long time ago, Priscilla told me, and I don't even know what you call it. It's like this little razor thing. Y'all know what I'm talking about? It's like a little tiny razor and you can kind of do your eyebrows with it. Okay, whatever that little razor thingy is called. She said, "Girl, yeah, I'm not doing all that. I just carry my razor with me." So y'all, I went and bought myself a little razor thingy, whatever that's called, and put it in my purse so that when I get to where I'm going, if I ever realize that I didn't have time or I couldn't get myself together enough to get the hair off of my face, I at least have something in my pocket. So the other day, this happened to me. I was so glad that I had the little razor thingy in my purse. I took it out, and as I stood in the mirror with the razor thingy clearing my mustache, I'm sitting there in the mirror like this, And then, you know, pulling my lip down and getting the side, getting the side, getting underneath. I just saw my grandmother. I literally thought, I remember her doing this. Now she wasn't doing the cute little Twizzler little thing. She had just a straight razor. She was just like, why am I even pretending? And she would take a razor and just straight get the mustache. She'd straight get all the things. And I remember when I was younger, I would kiss her and it was just scratchy.

You have anybody in your life where if you love them, but when they kiss you, it's just a little scratchy, but it's a part of love, so you just let it ride, you know? But I was like, am I, have I become, have I become the person who's scratchy?

And I looked at myself in the mirror and I said, "This is the moment right here. This is the moment where you decide. Do you want to be clean-shaven or not? Because if you do, you're going to do what it takes. It may not be pretty. It may not be acceptable. You may even be a little embarrassed about it, but you either want to show up with hair on your face and be the Scratchy Lady." Now, see, some of y'all are going to come up to me afterwards and you're going to hug me and think, "Is she scratchy tonight or what?

Is tonight a scratchy night?" Or did she take care of it?

Listen, I need you to know that sometimes, y'all, when we discover that there are things happening in our life, the decision is simply, do you wanna deal with it or not? That's it. And dealing with it may not be pretty.

It may not be how you intended to deal with it.

You may be thinking, ooh, am I like this person who had to deal with it that way? And you'll have all of these things about yourself that you think, I'm starting to operate in a way I didn't expect, but the bottom line is, do you want to deal with it or not?

Do you want to be clean-shaven or not?

Do you want to be able to show up in the places that you're supposed to be the way you believe God wants you to be when you get there? And what are you willing to do to be the person that you believe you're supposed to be in those circumstances? To be the person that God wants you to be in those circumstances?. And it may not be pretty, but the question is, are you willing? Are you willing? In John chapter 5, Jesus asked the man at the pool of Bethesda, do you want to be well? Do you want to be well? And I know if you've been in church for any length of time, this is not a story that's unfamiliar to you, but it is a story that I wanna read to you from the New American Standard Version. Then I wanna read it to you from the paraphrase in the Message, just because I believe that sometimes reading the scripture once, twice, or three times is good for the soul.

5:1, John.

After these things, there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool which is called in Hebrew Bethesda, having 5 porticos. In these lay a multitude of those who were sick, blind, lame, and withered, waiting for the moving of the waters. For an angel of the Lord went down at certain seasons into the pool and stirred up the water. Whoever then first after the stirring up of the water stepped in, was made well from whatever disease with which he was inflicted. A man was there who had been ill for 38 years. When Jesus saw him lying there and he knew he had already been a long time in that condition, he said to him, "Do you wish to get well?" The sick man answered him and said, "Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool where the water, when the water is stirred up. But while I am coming, another steps down before me." Jesus said to him, get up, pick up your pallet and walk. Immediately the man became well and picked up his pallet and began to walk. Let me read that to you again. Soon another feast came around and Jesus was back in Jerusalem. Near the Sheep Gate in Jerusalem, there was a pool, in Hebrew called Bethesda, with 5 alcoves. Hundreds of sick people, blind, crippled, paralyzed, were in these alcoves.

Hundreds of sick people were there.

One man had been an invalid there for 38 years. When Jesus saw him stretched out by the pool and knew how long he had been there, he said, "Do you want to get well?" The sick man said, "Sir, when the water is stirred, I don't have anybody to put me in the pool. By the time I get there, someone else has already gotten in." Jesus said, "Get up, take up your bedroll, start walking." The man was healed on the spot. He picked up his bedroll and walked off. Do you want to be well? What a question to ask somebody who's been sitting by the pool for 38 years. If Jesus is all-knowing, if he is sovereign, if he is the beginning and the end, if he knows all things, if he's omniscient, then of course he knows that the man wants to be well. He's been sitting in the spot hoping to be well for 38 years, and yet and still he asked him, "Is this what you want? Do you want to take care of this problem or not?" Do you want to get better or not?

Are you willing to do what it takes to move forward in your life?

I know that you're saying that that's what you want, but are you willing to do whatever it takes? And are you willing to be seen as the person who's actually well, even though all these, these years you've been identified as the person who is not?

Are you willing to make a change?

Are you willing to do something different? Are you willing to take a chance even though your expectations are so high now that you are afraid that you'll be disappointed?

Are you willing to do something different than who you've been saying you are all of these years? Has how you've been identifying yourself for decades, has it become so much a part of your identity that you're more married to your existing and past identity than you are hopeful for the identity that I can give you?

Do you want to be well?

I'm saying, but if you're given the opportunity to actually do something about the thing that is growing in you, growing on you, growing out of you, if there's an opportunity to do something different to tackle that issue, are you actually gonna do whatever it takes? Are you? 'Cause there has to be a reason for Jesus to have asked him that question.

'Cause it would seem that it's obvious that that's what he would want because he was in that spot. Let me tell you something. If you are in the spot, if you are in the church, that does not necessarily mean you want what Jesus is offering.

You could be in the room, you could be up front, but you could be in the space where God is actually doing things to recover and help you discover the heart that he has for you and you still be in the space but not be in the mind space to do what it takes to get well? Are you willing to do more than be in the space? He wasn't just at the pool, he was in the alcoves. Alcove is just a space, it's like the recessed space, maybe in a bedroom.

If you have a bedroom that has a little sitting area off to the side, or maybe you have a space in your living room that's a little cutout, or maybe you have a house where there's a cutout for the TV.

That would be an alcove.

It's a recessed space in an existing area. It basically says, I'm here, but I'm on the fringes.

I'm, I'm here, but I'm not quite in the main place.

I'm here, but I'm in the shadows. I'm actually here in the alcoves where the healing is, but not actually in the forefront because I don't necessarily want to be held accountable for what's happening in the main part of the room.

If I'm in the alcoves, maybe I'm there because it's hot outside. Maybe I'm there because it's uncomfortable to be there all the time. Maybe I'm here because I live here and it would be better to live out of the way than to be in the main space.

But don't you think that if I'm waiting for the angel to stir up the water, and if I have to be there first in order to get healed, I wouldn't be all the way in the alcoves. I would actually be closer to the water.

I would be willing to be uncomfortable in the heat and in the light of day because when that angel moves, I want to be first. So I'm not going to be back in the shadows. I'm not going to be further away from the healing waters. I'm going to be positioned so that when there's movement, I can take advantage of the healing that's available. See, some of us don't want to operate in the light because the light actually burns, but the light is where the healing is. The light is where the healing is. If you find that you are just outside, you're in, you're near the room, but there's a main space. There's a main space that when you're called upon in your church and you're told, you are encouraged, you are pastored and said, listen, you are not actually gonna be living this life of a believer the way that you're supposed to live it if you are not in the light of community, if you are not in the light of accountability, if you are not in the light of obedience, if you are in the room but you really don't want to be known, and you really don't want anybody telling you what to do, and you really don't want to be fully obedient, let me tell you something.

You are avoiding the very thing that you're saying you want by being in church.

I want to be in church because I want God's best for my life. I want to hear the word because I want to know what God is telling me to do with my life. I want my life to count. I don't want to have regrets on my deathbed. I want to live not just for now, but for eternity. This is what I want. Then why are you in the dark? Why does no one know when you have not been to church in 3 weeks? Nobody actually knows that you were missing. Why is that? Because you were in the alcoves. You are living in the recesses. Nobody knows your name. So then you come to church and you have this great experience and you raise your hands in worship and you say, oh God, listen, let the blood overflow into my life and I want it. But do you really? Where are you living when the waters are not stirring? Because where you live when the waters are not stirring says actually how bad you want the healing when the waters do stir. We want God to show up for us, man, don't we? We want him to answer our prayer requests. We want him to deliver our purpose. We want him to answer our prayers. We want him to show up for us. But then often what we're doing is operating as if when the waters are stirring, he's supposed to wait for us to get there. And listen, God is patient and he's long-suffering, but can I just tell you that sometimes when he's stirring, you just are not where you're supposed to be.

Are you in the alcoves? Are you willing to wait on the edge? So that when the waters stir, all you have to do is put your toe in it.

Jesus said, "Do you wanna be well?" 'Cause 38 years is a long time to be sitting in the shadows.

It's a long time. This man had resigned himself to lingering near the healing, but not participating with his healing. He was willing to be close, but not close enough. He was interested enough in healing to be close, but he had resigned that the power of the pool could not penetrate his situation. He had decided, "It's never going to happen for me." Have you ever felt that way? Can we just tell the truth and shame the devil? God is never gonna come through for me like he did for her.

I'm kind of sort of praising God for her and with her. Yay, praise the Lord.

God, oh God, you don't love me like that. Why does he never come through for me like that?

Why does he never answer my prayer requests like that? Why didn't he heal this person in my family? Why didn't he bless me with that job? Why didn't he, uh, heal my marriage? Why didn't he heal my mind? Why has— why are things taking so long? Why did I not get that promotion? Why did I not get that new car? Why did that last community group not work out? I want community so bad, and we We see somebody celebrate the wonderful life that they have with their community and we're like, "Great! Hallelujah!

Good for you." "I've been waiting on this promotion 12 years." "Oh my gosh, I'm so glad for you. Let's celebrate." Good for you.

"He finally proposed. Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh, look at the ring. That's so great." Good for you.

And if you have enough good for yous, you might decide that the God that you serve isn't actually good to you. This man had seen so many other people healed, and he'd gotten comfortable in the shadows because he said, "God is good, but he's good to everybody else except me. So I'm gonna stay here because I actually do want to be healed, but I'm not gonna get too close to the water and I'm not gonna sit anywhere else because if I do actually try to be closer to the water, try to get some help, I'll just be disappointed again. Then he gave excuses, you know, I don't have help, I'm alone, people are faster than me.

I would be able to participate in the healing that is available to me that I believe, because I see the water stirred and I see other people get healed. I would actually be able to participate in my healing if I had more help. If there was some other way for me to be faster or better or different. God, if you had not made me this way, or if you have not made me slower, if you had given me more friends, if I had all of these things to to help me, then I'd be able to get to where the waters are healing.

This reminds me of Moses in Exodus chapter 3.

God shows up in Exodus chapter 3, verse 10, and he says to Moses, come now, I want you to go and tell Pharaoh to let my people go. I want you to go now. This is when. Where do you want me to go? I want you to go to Egypt. Who do you want me to talk to? I want you to talk to Pharaoh. Why? To tell my people to go. And what's gonna happen? You're gonna get out of Egypt. I wish God would answer my prayer prayers like that, all of the answers. Who, what, when, where, why, and how. Moses had the whole situation. And after that verse, he asked God, are you sure? Because who am I? Who are you? What if they don't believe me? I'm not good enough. Don't you know I stutter? Can you send someone else?

Now listen, God stopped by this little burning bush.

I came here before and talked to y'all about that. It was this little burning bush, little blackberry-sized bush, and it's burning.

And God is talking to me at the bush. And I wasn't praying, but God shows up in a bush.

I'm on the backside of the desert, in the recesses, in the alcoves, resigned to live my life as the former prince of Egypt, thinking I will never be anything important because I've been running for my life and now I'm a shepherd. I'm happy with being quiet and in the dark. And God says, "Hey, there's a burning here." "Here, there's a stirring in the waters. I got something I need you to do." And Moses says, "Are you sure?" What do you have in your hand, Moses?

Throw it down. Because I don't really have anything. I don't have what it takes to be a leader. I don't have what it takes to lead people.

I don't have what it takes. I'm not brave enough to go back to the place where they were chasing me down for my life and actually tell the man whose home I was raised in By the way, not only did I leave and kill your people, but I'm back to tell you, let me take all the people with me. Are you sure they're going to believe me? What do you have in your hand, Moses? Throw it down.

Became a snake. He picked it up. God said, listen, I know you're in the shadows, but that does not mean I've forgotten about you. Jesus in John chapter 5 says, I know you've been hiding in the alcoves, but I haven't forgotten about you. I'm here to see about you. I'm here to call you out of the shadows and say, just because you've resigned to lower your expectation, just because you're resigned to say, I will never be able to move forward, just because you've resigned to say the healing and the blessing and the next season of my life will never come, just because you've resigned to say, "Maybe this isn't for me." Maybe God has not resigned that for you.

Maybe the healing that you seek, maybe the prayers that you've prayed, maybe the things that you've been looking forward to for God to do in your life, maybe what you have decided to stop expecting, he has not decided to stop expecting for you.

Lisa Harper said to me one time, she said, "I started saying that I was okay being single." She is late 40s, early 50s. She said, "I just decided to start saying that I'm okay being single." And she said, "I was with a friend and she looked me in the eye and she said, 'Lisa, is that true? Do you really no longer desire marriage?'" And she said, "No." She said, "Then why are you saying that?" She said, "Are you actually— have you decided for God that because it hurts to hope, that you will not acknowledge the honest thing that you desire from him? Have you decided for yourself that God is incapable of answering your prayers? Do you realize that when you hide in the shadows, that when you don't believe that the burning bush or the stirring of the waters, that it can be for you, do you realize that you decided for God that he's incapable of doing what it is that you desire? What if you're hiding in the shadows is cutting you off from what God actually wants to do in your life? But you, to protect yourself, to not be disappointed, you've said, I'm not even going to ask.

Because if I don't ask, if I don't hope, if I don't expect, if I stay away from where the healing might be, then if I I hope that the stirring of the waters this time applies to me and it doesn't, then I won't be disappointed. So I'm just going to cut myself off from my hope in God.

Mm. My God. Do you wanna be healed? Yeah. Because before I can do anything for you, the Lord says, I need you to acknowledge what you really want. Do you know what you really want? Do you know what you really want?

Do you trust that God, who did not spare his own son, not only from death to save you, but from the torture on the way to the grave, on the way to the cross, and that for the ridicule that he experienced— it wasn't just he died, he was tortured for you. Do you think that a God who would not spare his only son so that you could experience not just life eternally, but today life abundantly— do you think that good God who calls himself a good father in the word would withhold any good gift from those who love him? Because if you say I'm just gonna stay back here. Bless the Lord, hallelujah for your prayer request being answered.

I'm not gonna actually acknowledge what I desire because if I do, then that sets me up for disappointment. Do you want to be healed? Trevor Wax of the Gospel Coalition says oftentimes filled with doubt, we refuse refuse to answer and choose instead to give excuses like an invalid. I don't want to give an answer. I just would rather say I can't. I just would rather say maybe it's not for me. I just would rather say it's not my wiring.

I just would rather say maybe I don't have what it takes. I just would rather say I didn't have this in my upbringing or I didn't I just would rather say I can't. I don't. Or I don't want it anymore.

My son, Joel, the youngest one, who anytime I'm talking about him is so very excited. He is the baby of 5 children. He just wants to be the focus of attention at all times. And he normally is standing in the back when he's with me when I'm speaking and he's saying, "Mama, mama, mama." Talk about me.

Talk about me.

So I'll tell him when I get home I talked about him. He would run in a race. We did the track thing. Anybody here have kids in track? In Texas, why do we do this to ourselves?

Oh, it's awful.

Good memories, but it's awful. He would run and we had to tell him, "You got to face forward, man. You got to face forward." Because he was losing time trying to figure out who was around him. And every time he would look back, somebody would gain on him.

You are spending so much energy, son, looking around. Do you realize that the best way for you to win this race, the best The only way for you to have the best time is to face forward. The only thing that you need to be looking at is the finish line. That's it. You know, all those hours you spend in track practice where you are working on your time and you are developing your internal pacing, do you realize that what you have done in practice is all you need in the race? You don't need to be looking around at what everybody else is doing. Looking around is slowing you down.

It's slowing you down. Recently I was with my husband in the hospital, and after being under general anesthesia, they were, you know, trying to help him get going and get walking. And as he stood up, he was a little nauseous, a little dizzy. One of the physical therapists said, look up, look up, focus forward, that'll help your stability. I, uh, had surgery in 2018, I think the last time I was here, a time or two before that.

I had this boot on my foot and all kinds of fun things happening.

I'll never forget when the PT came in the room and said, "All right, so we're gonna get you up and walking." And I was like, "I don't wanna do that." And he said, "Well, the thing you need to understand is the bed is your worst enemy. The best thing for you is to get up and get moving. It'll be good for your bowels, it'll be good for your strength, it'll be good for your lungs, it'll be good for everything. The worst enemy that you have in this hospital is that bed." You got to get up, look up, and get moving. You got to get up, look up, and get moving. Y'all, listen, I'll never forget. I had— I had never been that ill before, and all of the fluids, and you really feel like you can't breathe. Some of y'all know what I'm talking about. It's just like you feel like you've gained 20 pounds because you have all of the stuff that's in your system. You know, you're just waterlogged. You literally—

I couldn't take a deep breath.

And I remember looking at him and thinking, "You want—

like, right now, you want me to get up?" He said, "Yep.

If you only walk to the door and back, that's movement. I need you to get moving because as soon as you get moving, you'll start to feel better. And actually, if you can just do the hard thing today, what you do tomorrow will be easier." Listen, I have 5 children. 4 of them came from me. Uh, 3 of them came that way. And I'll never forget, after baby number 1 was born, uh, I think she had been in my arms for like 15 minutes, and the nurse said, why don't we take her from you, and, um, why don't you get up and go use the restroom? And I said, you want me to do what? Number 1, you want me to get up. I can't even feel my feet right now.

I done had my legs in these stirrups, things are all out of whack. You want me to do what?

And number 2, you want me to use the restroom.

Do you know what just happened to me? I don't think anything should pass that way for a long, long time.

The best thing for you though, Miss Chrystal Hurst, is to get you up and get you moving. We understand this in the physical. Do we understand this in the spiritual?

It is actually when you feel at your worst. It is actually when you feel like you can't.

It is actually when you feel that you're incapable that you need to get up. Look up and move.

Now, I don't need you to move far. I don't need you to go fast. I just need to know, do you want to live? Do you want to be good? Because like they told my husband recently, like they told me a few years ago, like they told me when that first baby was born, the worst enemy for you is laying down. If you are still and you get too comfortable in this spot that was designed to heal you, that was a place of waiting, if you get too comfortable here, you won't live. We don't need you to go far or fast. We do need you to go somewhere.

This man was not looking at Jesus. He was looking at himself. He was wallowing in doubt and self-pity. He was looking around at the other people. They can go faster than me. They have more help. You gotta stop looking at all the reasons why you have been where you are or even still feel helpless. And you have to look at the author and the finisher of your faith. And you have to say, where you lead, I will follow. And I know it may not be comfortable and I know it might be painful and I know that the light burns I know that the last community group didn't work out or the last marriage didn't work out.

I realize that the last time you prayed, he didn't answer or he took too long to answer. I realize that life has been hard, but if you stop hoping and you stay still, that's the worst thing for you. The best thing for you, even if you're out of breath, even if you need help, even if they have to bring you a walker. Listen, y'all, we left the hospital. Am I— They were talking about, "Do you want the regular walker or the deluxe?" I said, "Well, I guess we'll take the deluxe. You know, I guess.

You know, I just—

the bottom line is, does it really matter?

Do they both move? Like, what is the deluxe?" Well, the deluxe is that rollator. Some of y'all know about that. And here's why I know it's the deluxe. Actually, before they said it was the deluxe, 'Cause my 91-year-old aunt moved here from Maryland, y'all. She moved here at 90, and she's now in a senior citizens home in Texas. She's been in Maryland her whole life. But I go to visit her, and I sit around and talk to her and her new friends, and they are all comparing their Rollators. Yeah, you know, I got this deluxe here, right here. You know, I couldn't take that little baby one. I had to get the oversized one. That little thing won't hold my honey. Honey, listen, I had to go in and find the one with the big 'Girl, look at these wheels right here.

My tires, look at the brake. My brake is—' I mean, there's a whole conversation about walkers.

My husband and I, we didn't really talk that long about a walker because he doesn't intend to use it long. The conversation that you have around your help, around your crutch, around your rollator, is actually an indication of how long you plan on using it. Because you don't spend too much time talking about the thing that's only supposed to help you through a certain season. You gonna get it, get what you need, and move on from it. What's your crutch? Who is your crutch? What codependent relationships do you know? Because your therapist 5 therapists ago told you that you needed to get this person out of your life.

And then you got tired of hearing therapist number 1 tell you that, so you found a new therapist. And then they told you, "That man is no good for you. You need to get him out of your life." "But I love him." So you moved on to therapist number 3. And you keep moving to different people who are willing to hear you talk about your crutch.

Come on.

Aren't you tired of talking about your crutch? Aren't you tired of your crutch taking up so much bandwidth in your mind and in your heart? Well, Jesus didn't pacify him. He didn't even help him to the pool. He said, listen, do you want it or not? Because I'm actually here now. You don't need the angel to stir the water. You don't need somebody to help you to the pool.

I came myself to make sure that if you wanted to be healed, you had me in the full flesh to get you healing.

But do you want it? Yeah. Right. The bottom line is whether this man was waiting on someone to help him to the water or whether Jesus spoke and healed him, the message was the same. You lame man by the pool of Bethesda who's been hiding out in the alcoves, You have to participate in your healing. You either have to get up and find somebody to help you move forward, or you have to be willing to do what I tell you to do. I'm here now, but I'm not just gonna do it. I'm not gonna assume because you're in church, you want deliverance. What I'm gonna do is say, do you want it?

You have to even participate in a conversation with me. Think about Jesus and the woman at the well. She came in the heat of the day to get water miles from home.

She shows up and Jesus has all the answers.

He's willing to participate for verses on end with her questions.

And then he said, "Are you married?" She says, "No." He said, "You're lying.

You've got like 5 husbands." I actually can't heal you if you're not willing to have the conversation and be honest. I will meet—

I will go out of my way. Going to Samaria was out of Jesus's way. He went out of his way to meet this woman at the well because I know you have questions. I know you got questions.

I'm gonna come myself and answer your questions, but I'm not gonna actually be able to do anything with you unless you're willing to participate And participating requires your honesty. You gotta be honest with yourself about what you want. You have to be honest about yourself about where you've been. You have to be honest yourself about what you want from me right now. And if you can't be honest, we can't have a conversation. I am here in the flesh. I know things about you you don't even know about yourself. But I can't get you to know more about who I can be in you If you won't be honest about what you know about yourself right now. Do you want to be healed? Do you want living water? Because I'm here. I am the healing. I am the living water. Do you want me?

Other people were all around and other people couldn't heal him. Only Jesus could do that. So he said, "Get up, take up your bed, and walk." I ran a marathon in 2014. I ran it and I ran through the finish line and kept going right to Cracker Barrel and that was the end of that. But I did learn and I do know even now If I crack open my Couch to 5K app and say, "I'm gonna work my way back to 5K." And I remember this during that training period, I asked one of my longtime friends, a friend of ours, Ikki Soma, I called him and I said, "I have been running now for a while, and it doesn't matter if I'm running 5 miles or if I'm running 15, that first mile always kills me." I said, "What am I doing wrong?" He said, "You're not. The first mile always kills everybody. You are determining in that first mile, your mind is telling your body, 'We're gonna operate at increased capacity for a little while.'" And after the first mile, your body settles down. It stops fighting you. It stops disagreeing with you. Your muscles say, "Oh, it's okay. She's gonna keep giving us oxygen.

We don't have to freak out." After a while, your body just settles down. Settles in. But when you first start— and it doesn't matter if you are a marathoner, a multi-marathoner, an ultra-marathoner— that first mile, your mind has to tell your body what your body's going to do. The first mile is always the hardest. So if you think, oh, I can't be the person of faith, I can't be the person who can walk in my healing, I can't be the person who can show up in the light because I don't have what it takes, You know, they, they over there, their first mile was easier than my first mile.

Honey, everybody's first mile is hard.

Everybody has to decide one step at a time to walk the walk of faith. Everybody. The only difference between those that you think have a high level of faith and whatever you think your faith may be is that they get up and decide every day to keep walking.

That's it. That's it.

And the knowledge that they have that I've run the marathon on faith before, and I made it. I didn't die. God has never disappointed me. So in this section of my life, in this season of my life, this other hard thing, I know what I did in the last run. I know how God came through for me in the last race. I know how he answered the prayers 10 years ago. So in this situation, it's a new situation, it's a new terrain, it's a new pathway, but I know that the same shoes of faith and feet, the feet, the God of peace, it will carry me. It's the decision. Do you want to be healed? Because the healer is here. The bread of life is here. Jesus, the living water, is here. And he is here with you everywhere you go. The church is great, but when you believe on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, the Spirit of God lives in you all the time. He is in you and with The question is, if you have everything you need, if the healer is in the room, if the living water is in the room, if the shoes of peace are in the room, then do you want it? That's it.

And will you get up? Will you take up your bed? And will you walk?

The first mile is always the hardest, but the first hard mile is not an indicator of whether or not you can finish the race.

So you gotta get up. That's the first thing. And the first move is always the hardest. Then he said, "Take up your bed." Why? Why? Why? Why did he not just say, "Get up and follow me"? That's what he told the disciples. "I'll make you fishers of men." Come on. He didn't say, "Bring your rod." Think about it. The lady at the well, Samaritan woman, she went back home. He didn't even say, "Follow me." He gave her what she needed and she went back and was a witness for him. But this particular person, he said, "Take up your bed. Take up your bed." In other words, this bed, man, it's a part of your story. Take up your bed, roll it up, and carry it with you. Why? Because this bed is the place where you were laying. This is the place where you spent 4 decades of your life. Walk with it. Don't pretend it wasn't a part of it. Walk with it. Carry it underneath your arm.

Walk with it.

And when people say, "Man, why are you carrying your mat?" Let me tell you about what God did for me.

Walk with it. When people say, man, you don't have to carry that around anymore. No, no, no.

This is a part of a reminder that I always have to remember. While I have to carry it, I don't have to lay on it. Take up your mat.

Take up your mat. So many of us want to stay by the pool because we think that if we get up, it's worse to carry our mat. No, he says, carry it with you. Carry what the season of life that you spent 4 decades. Let that be a part of your story. Let it be a testimony of God's grace. Let it be something that's a signal to other people about what God can do for them. Let it be a reminder to you of what God brought you through. Carry it with you. Some of the things, y'all, that we are dealing with are because instead of carrying it with us, we try to hide it.

And so then what happens is it just becomes a weight and a lump and something that makes us hot that we are just trying not to explain. And God is like, you're working too hard.

You're working too hard. And it now is a burden. Just hold it. Just like where everybody can see it and just say, I'm walking with this because it's a part of my story.

Walk with it. Acknowledge what's been a part of your life, but don't allow it to define you. Use the mat another way. Flip the script. You now understand the power of what you hold in your hands instead of prior to today, what's been holding you. Take up your mat. Like, hold on to it. This almost killed me. But I'm alive. Go on, pour out that last empty— pour out that pill bottle of all the pills that you used to take before God healed you. Keep it, just let it sit right there on your— just so you remember, this was my health story, but you know what, God, this is a reminder. You know? My grandmother, when she passed away, she had all this jewelry, and my aunt gave us each, all of the girls, some jewelry. And she gave me a box. I was upset because there was a piece of jewelry that my aunt did not give to me. And I told her I wanted it, but she gave it to another person in our family. I even asked the other person in our family, can I— 'Can I have it?' Like, that was really important to me. She said, 'It was important to me too.' I was upset with my aunt that she didn't give me the most important thing that I thought I needed. So I had this box of jewelry, and one of the things she gave me was my grandmother's wedding ring. And so I put the box away because I didn't have what I wanted. And then one day I looked in the box. There was a piece of paper in the box, and when I lifted up the little sticky note, like a large sticky note, something fell out of it and it said, "I wanted to give this to you so that you could remember the meager start of your grandparents and how far the Lord brought them." What fell out of the paper was her original wedding ring, a wedding ring I have no recollection of, with a tiny, tiny, tiny, almost not even diamond. What I realized that she had given me was the mat. She had given me the memory of what God had done. And can I tell you that she did give me the most important thing? Sometimes we're upset because God has not given us the thing that we think is most important. So we're looking around at everybody else saying, "But I wanted that. I wanted this." And he's saying, "No, actually the mat is the most important thing. The small thing that you didn't even know existed." is the most important thing. Why? Because it is a testimony to me, to you about me, about what I can do.

It actually is teaching you every single time you look at it that I am way more powerful than you ever thought I was, that I can do way more in your life than you ever thought I could do, that this is a testament of my grace and power and strength in your life. Pick it up, carry it, own it, and enjoy it. Because it's supposed to remind you of who I am.

And then he said, "Take up your bed, quit ignoring it, keep it with you, and then walk." One of the things I hate about not running often is that when I decide to finally run, my fat starts itching. I don't even know what that actually is to me. It just feels like my fat starts— it's right here. Does anybody know what I'm talking about? It's like right here and right in here. It's the most uncomfortable thing. It's the worst.

When you are sedentary and you decide to get up and move, it is the worst. It makes you want to stop. But you want to know how you get rid of the itch?

You keep walking. No, you're not the only one that has the fat itch.

Somebody just was like, oh my God, I thought it was just me! I thought something was wrong with my blood vessels. No, that's the fat itch.

Now you have a name for it. I'm over. Give me a couple minutes. Ephesians 2:10. I wanna read that to you. That's the scripture I was supposed to be talking to you about tonight. And it dawned on me that when it says, for we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. The reason that we can't operate in this verse, I wanted to walk you through that tonight. And God said, no, that's not what, that's not what this group of women tonight needs to hear. They need to hear what's in the way of them believing this. So this is what he says about you when he shows up for you.

He says, but God being rich in mercy, verse 4, because of his great love with which he loved us, even when you were dead in your transgressions, even when you were flat on your back on the mat, even when you had no way to think that you would ever have a life that you love, he made you alive together with Christ. By grace you have been saved and raised up with him. And seated you with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus. Why? So that in the ages to come he might show the surpassing riches of his grace in kindness toward you in Christ Jesus. Why? Because it's for by grace you have been saved through faith. It's not of yourselves, it is the gift of God. It's not as a result of anything that you've done, not of your works, because I don't want you to be able to boast. What is he trying to tell you, you are his workmanship. You are created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that you would walk in them. You want to know why this scripture is so important? It's important because it tells you who you are. But if you have decided, because you've been on the mat so long, if you have decided that the healing won't come to you, if you have decided this does not apply to you, you won't walk in the works that he has prepared for you. The path is prepared for you, but you won't get to the path if you don't get up, take up your mat, and start walking. You can't get to the good stuff until you actually get up. You can't get to the best of the story until you take up your mat, and you cannot walk in faith if you won't take the first step. This is what he says about you. You're blessed.

Ephesians chapter 1. You're chosen. You're predestined.

You're adopted. You're beloved. You're redeemed. You're forgiven. You are lavished with love. You are known. You belong to him. That's what he says about you. But you don't get to that if you just hide in the corner.

So what do I want you to stop doing tonight? I want you to stop hiding and I want you to start hoping. I want you to stop laying down and I want you to start living. And I want you to stop accepting being bound and I want you to start receiving belief, receiving Blessing, receiving the bountiful life that God has for you. But you have to take a chance, and it starts with getting up, taking up your mat, and walking. Do you want to be well? Because if you do, you'll have to participate in your healing. And it may not be pretty, but the beautiful thing is that the ugliest things are often the things that God makes beautiful, beautiful, beautiful pictures and masterpieces of his grace. You just have to say, here you go, here you go. Can I do a little something real quick? I just wanna ask you right now, if you know what the thing is that you've been hiding from, if you know what it is, if you know the thing that you have stopped hoping for, if you know the thing that you have stopped believing for, if you know the thing that has kept you on your back, that you have gone from person to person to person talking about the same thing, if it's the thing that is hanging on you and stopping you from moving forward, if you know what that is, just stand up. I don't need you to tell anybody. If you know what it is, Just stand up. Okay. Why do we choose to live chained? You are choosing. You are choosing to live chained. That's not a bad thing. You just need to acknowledge it. You just have to acknowledge. You have to acknowledge that there are chains on me that actually I already have the keys to. The keys are hanging right there in reach, but God is not going to do anything else for you. He gave you the keys. He's not rude. He's a gentleman. He's going to say, I'm going to give you the keys to the kingdom, but you have to use them. I'm, I'm not going to force you to follow me. I'm not going to pull you out of the dark if you You want to live life abundantly. Here are the keys. I am the way. I am the truth. I am the life. You don't need the stirring of the water. You don't need a special church service. You need me. Do you want to be healed? Okay. So right now, all I want you to do, okay, I want you to just tell the Lord however you want to tell him. Okay. I'm getting up. So what does that mean? Literally, I'm breaking up. It means I'm going to stop using these words about my life. It means that I'm going to get help for this habit. It may mean that I need to get a new therapist. It may mean I'm going to join a community group. What is it? What is the action? And here's the beautiful thing. If you don't know what the action is, that's okay. That's what the body of Christ is for. That's where you come in and you say, hey pastor, I, I know that I'm bound here and I believe that God has given me the keys. I actually see the keys. I'm not exactly sure how to use them. I don't exactly know. It should it be this way or that way? I'm not exactly sure how I twist it. I believe that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. I believe that he's offering me healing. I believe that he's offering me a way off of this mat, but I'm not quite sure how to roll it. I'm not quite sure which direction I go. That's okay. That's what the body of Christ is for. But I want you to just say, I don't even know. If I, if I know, this is what I'm gonna do. I make my commitment to you, Lord, today. But if I don't know, Lord, what I, what I make the commitment to is that I'm gonna stop accepting what I don't know and choose to believe that you know. And I leave myself open to your direction. I will do what I know to do until you tell me what to do next.

I'm going to live for your glory. I'm going to be obedient based on the scriptures that have been revealed. I'm going to do what I know to do to be righteous. I'm going to do what I know to do to be in right relationship with you. You're not expecting me to get perfect right this second. What you're asking me is just to heed what you said to me tonight. I'm going to do the thing I can do tonight and trust that you're going to lead me for what to do next. If that's all you got, Lord, I, I just want to do this one thing. I don't even know how to break the chain, but I know this is one thing in my life that you are asking me to do. I feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit, and I'm going to do that one thing.

So what I want you to do, if that is the prayer that you're praying tonight, what I want you to do, not as a guilt trip and not as something that's supposed to make you feel crazy for every day after this. Somewhere, somewhere in your Bible, in your journal, in a text to a friend, on your mirror, I need you to say that today, May 18th, 2022, was the day I decided to come out of the shadows and to pick up my mat. That's what I need you to do, because I need you to not forget forget that was— it was today that you decided to get up. Because if you've been sitting for a long time, you're going to have a fat itch. It's going to happen. You're going to start walking and it's going to be like, oh, this doesn't apply to me. I wasn't supposed to be doing— I wasn't supposed to be doing this. My body, my mind, my circumstances, nothing around me is saying this is right. And you'll believe the itch and turn around and go sit down. So you need to put down a stone, an Ebenezer stone, a stone of remembrance that says, this is the day I made a commitment. Not an easy thing, but I made a commitment that if God was asking me if I wanted to be healed, and if I was chained and I was bound to something that I had been striving with forever, this was the day I said, I don't have to be a slave to this anymore. This is the day I believed that I was no longer a slave. You cannot know Jesus, you can know Jesus either way, because you can know Jesus and be a slave. You do realize that, don't you? This is the day that I decided that I actually could participate in my healing, that I actually could participate in my freedom. This was the day. And guess what else, y'all? This day, May 18th, 2022, this day, just like every day, is the day that the Lord has made. And when he cracked the skies with the sun this morning, this is what he was saying about you. This is her day. This is her day for freedom. This is her day for deliverance. This is her day to walk, to This is her day to move forward, and he had this message in mind for you. Do you want to be well? Get up, take up your bed, walk with it, and move forward. And you don't have to have it perfect. That's Jesus's role. He is perfection, bled and died and resurrected for you. So it doesn't matter what's happened in the alcoves. Jesus is here and he is here for you.

Lord God, we are so, so grateful that you go out of your way for us, that you show up in small burning bushes, that you go out of your way to the well, that you show up and come by the waters, the alcoves, the hidden places, the recesses even of our minds, and you say to us, do you want living water? Do you want to come out of hiding? Do you want to be well?

And tonight, Lord, so many of us say yes, yes, yes, we want to be well. And I'm so grateful that you are our healing. In Jesus' name we pray.