First Things First - PART TWO #alittleQC

Hello everybody! I couldn't go live later in the nighttime. Every now and then I do something crazy, I go live at night. Hey y'all! Glad to see you here tonight. Um, there were some questions and some comments and some DMs and a few things that had me thinking maybe I ought to talk some more about making decisions and setting priorities. Which is a little interesting because I am not naturally a good decision maker, um, mainly because I'm a perfectionist. But we're going to get to that in just a minute. I wanted to just, um, come on tonight cuz— oh goodness, I see you saying it's 2:00 AM in South Africa. I'm Glad that you're here. So I wanted to talk to you a little bit more about this whole idea of decision-making. Okay. Um, so we're going to talk about that and setting priorities. If you have not yet watched the video where the title was First Things First, it was saved on Facebook and YouTube. You can go and check that out. Okay. That was just kind of my thoughts about the matter. First thing on a Monday morning. So now I've had an opportunity to think about it a little bit more, but not only have I had an opportunity to think about it a little bit more, I have also— ah, my screen isn't on. See, this is what happens when I get all out of my rhythm. Thank you. Thank you. Just talking and y'all aren't even telling me anything. So I get up in the morning and I have this whole routine of all these things that I do. And I didn't do any of it. So thank y'all for telling me. Appreciate you. Okay. So I'm here. Here's my face still in my closet because it is what it is. Um, but not only do I have some additional thoughts for you about the matter, I have also, um, asked some of the girls in the Inner Circle to share both their wisdom, their experience, their concerns and their questions, because I want to make sure that I can definitely be practical. Then depending on how long we're on, then I may even take some questions. Okay. So before I get into that, I want to make sure— see, I have notes. I want to make sure that you know who I am and know why you're here, because every now and then, not every now and then, every time I go live, there are new people. So if you're new here, I would love for you to give me a thumbs up. I would love to know. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. Let me know that you're new here. And if you are a millennial, I would love for you to give me a fist bump because I love to know that there are women under 30 who are watching. Um, because here's the deal. You can, You can live life and have access to information, um, or you can live life and take the access that you have to information and, um, like act on it. And now I'm nobody's soothsayer, you know, I'm nobody's wise owl, but I probably have a few more years on some of the millennials who are here. I see y'all. Listen to y'all. Trianne, Mary Ann, um, is new. Leslinda is a millennial. Hey Marissa. Cheryl is new. Cassandra is new. Hey Raven Lambert. Susie, I see you. Jarabia, I see y'all. Nichelle, welcome, first time. Hey Marsh Delisa. I probably butchered that, but whatever. Charlene, you know, I tried. Somebody said an older millennial here. Listen, cause there's a difference between young millennials. There's millennial, there's young millennial, then there's older millennial, and then there's millennial at heart. I'm that, I'm that. Then there's millennial wannabes. But anyway, anyway, I'm glad you're here. Okay. So here's the deal. Yes, Biz Intel too. I am currently on Instagram. On YouTube and on Facebook. So there you go. Um, I want to, um, talk to you about a couple of things. First things first, I want to let you know that if you're new here, especially, my name is Chrystal Hurst and I love to help you live your life well. Most of us spend our lives waiting on the season when we can do what we want to do, not realizing that there are plenty of things to make our lives meaningful in being intentional about how we live in the season that we're in. And we live all of our lives for the next season without maximizing the season that we're in. And so one of my desires is to help you see, give you a vision for what you want your life to be like, and then to offer practical help through podcast, blogging, videos, encouragement on social media to keep you focused. Because here's the problem for most of us girls: we simply lose focus. We simply lose focus. And so we just, um, meander, we drift, and then 10 years go by and you were a 25-year-old millennial who was excited about life, and then you realize that you're 35 and you might still be excited about life, but you don't know what you did with 10 years. And life is too short not to be intentional. So that's what I'm here, that's what I'm all about. If you don't know who I am or what I'm talking about, you can simply go to chrystalevanshurst.com and you can learn more about all the things there. You can also subscribe to my email list so that when I, um, have fun things to share, you don't miss them. So I'll throw that on the screen, chrystalevanshurst.com. .com. So that's number one. Many of you already know that I released recently a prayer book, 28-Day Prayer Journey. If you have it, awesome. If you don't have it, it's not too late to get it. And here's the cool thing: while the pre-order bonuses are no longer available, what is still available on my website, chrystalhurst.com/pray, are the audio prayers. And so basically I took the topical prayers from the back of the book and I read them out loud. So if you're like, I actually need to pray, but I haven't done it. I'm actually feeling at odds with God. Maybe if somebody prays over me, prays with me, prays for me, that'll help me. Well, I did that. I read the prayers myself. So when you grab the book, you go to chrystalhurst.com/pray and you follow the instructions and then you get access. There. Okay, so number one, if you don't know who I am, go to my website. That'll help you out. Number two, I always assume everybody knows who I am, but that's not always the case. You know, if you're on YouTube, every now and then you just find yourself looking at somebody. You don't know who they are, what they're about, but YouTube decided that you needed to watch them. So there you go. So there you go. And then there's a book about prayer. Here's the other thing I want to make sure I tell you about. If you are on my email list, you've heard me talk about it. If you've been following me on social media, you've heard me talk about it. But We are forgetful creatures. And so I want to remind you that the Inner Circle is open. And I'm reminding you, y'all, because it never fails. As soon as the Inner Circle closes, people are knocking on the door. It's like Noah's Ark. It's like, oh, I forgot. I didn't remember, you know, something happened last night. And then we're like, y'all. So it is open right now for 11 days. It opened October the 1st. It closes October the 11th. What is the inner circle? You might say, basically it is when you say, I need more, I need more accountability. I need more community. I need more coaching. I need more, um, more step-by-step direction. I need more inspiration. I need, uh, more tips. And I'm giving information, hopefully some wisdom. And then I have women who are in my sister circle, who are friends, who, um, I trust them to share them with you. Who I believe can do the same thing. And so for the last 90 days of 2020, we will be preparing for the first 90 days of 2021. Because y'all, you can't wait until January 1st to decide how you're going to live 2021. That's what screws most of us up. We wait and then the year has started and it takes us 3 weeks to recover from the holidays. And then it takes us another 3 weeks to get our act together. I mean, and we don't set ourselves up for success.. And so if you're like, I actually would like to have a more successful start to 2021, then join us in the Inner Circle. You can do that by going to chrystalevanshurst.com/innercircle. What are we going to be doing over this last part of the year? Well, starting with this Saturday, we're going to go to Fervent together. So even if you've bought your ticket, you can still join us in our private room for community and chatting and all that fun stuff. If you haven't bought your ticket, when you're in the Inner Circle, you get a special discount code to grab a ticket for 50% off. So that's cool. And then next week I'll be launching into our Inner Circle Summit. Now, some of y'all have been around long enough to know that last year this time we had an in-person retreat in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. And of course with COVID we're not going to do that this year. So instead of that, we're just going to serve our Inner Circle Summit, our Inner Circle girls. And I'm going to have 5 friends share 5 lessons from 2020. Because if there's one thing that we do not want y'all, We do not want to go into 2021 having had the whole of 2020 to see some stuff clearly and stumble into the same old pits. Some of y'all have realized that as the world is opening back up, you are going back to your habits. You got home— for some of us, you got home and you got quiet, you got still, you spending time with Jesus, and now the world is opening back up. And Jesus ain't heard from you in like 3 weeks. I mean, that's it for some of us. Some of us are totally exhausted because 2020 has beat us up. It has been hard. We've lost people we love. We've lost our jobs, or we've had jobs, but we've been working like a dog because maybe you're in a, you know, a teacher right now and you're trying to teach kids in person, keep up with the kids that are self-paced, teach the kids that are live, and you've never used this much technology in your life. But does my sister call me? Somebody tell Priscilla I'm on live. Somebody tell her. Anyway, the point is, is we are at a point where we have the opportunity to say this has been a year like no other and I'm going to learn from this. That's right. Yvette McGirt says, she said 2020 on YouTube, 2020 is a whole sentence. You got that right, ma'am. It's a whole sentence. It's like, no should be a whole sentence. 2020 is a whole stinking sentence. And when you say 2020, people know what you mean. Be like, girl, 2020, and everybody knows what you mean. So, um, but we don't want to have gone through 2020 and not have learned anything. If, if a year like this can't teach you anything else, if it can't teach you something that you now take into 2021 that makes you operate differently because you realize how precious life is. You realize how, uh, time shouldn't be wasted. You realize that you need to prioritize your health or prioritize your connection with family or friends or prioritize your relationship with God. You don't want to throw 2020 away. Uh, it's been a good year in some ways for me personally. We finally moved. I'm still stuck in my closet with my lives, but we finally moved, and I'm grateful for that. It's awesome. But this is also the first year that I have had to live without my mother. It's horrible. It's horrible. Haven't been to church for most of the year. I don't like that. I mean, there's a ton of things that have gone wrong and some things that have gone right. There's always something that's gone right if you look. Okay, so anyway, Inner Circle, we've got some great things coming your way in October. In November, we're going to restart the 21-day journey. In December, we've got additional content that is only for the Inner Circle that will be released early to the Inner Circle before it's made available for purchase for everybody else in 2021. So if you're interested in joining me, bring a friend. It's going to be great. Great relationships and connections are formed there. So I would love to invite you. Okay. So here's the deal. Let me talk to you about what I want to talk to you about. And before I forget, I do have a podcast. Um, and I'll tell you more about that later. But if you just go to chrystalevanshurst.com and click on the word that says blog, then you can get caught up or look in iTunes and Spotify. I'm always surprised at how many people are like, you have a podcast? I'm like, I've been podcasting for 6 years. Anyway, there you go. I'll get back to that later. All right, y'all. So here's what I want to talk to you about. We're talking about making decisions, um, making decisions and setting priorities.. And one of the things that has become very clear to me is that we all struggle at some level with decision-making because some decisions simply aren't easy to make. They're just not, you know, they're not simple. You know, it's not just like, this is what I want to do, or this is what I, I need to do. There are competing things. This is what I really want, but this is what I really want and really need. And those things are competing for my vote, or this is what I really desire. And this is how I've been really stuck. And can I actually set priorities differently to set myself up for success? Often, and I've said this before, um, we talk ourselves out of the very thing that God is trying to talk us into. And so often when it comes to decisions, we struggle because we want to make the right one. There Priscilla is, she's blowing up my Instagram. We struggle to make the right one, and then we don't realize that the priorities that we set are a part of the decisions that we're actually able to see success in. And so, you know, I think about Jesus, okay? And, and let me just say this up front: we all know if you love Jesus, you're supposed to pray. So I'm just going to assume you know, okay? I'm not going to belabor the point. It's not that I don't want to talk about prayer— goodness, I have a whole book about prayer— it's not that I don't want to talk about Jesus. I love Jesus, okay? He's my friend. Y'all know about that. But anyway, the point is, I'm gonna assume that you understand we're supposed to pray about it. Let's assume that making decisions and setting your life in its correct order, you should include Jesus in that. Just in case you didn't know, you should include Jesus in that. Hi, Amy Seymour. If you are not talking to Jesus about the things that concern you If you are not talking to Jesus about the things that are bugging you, if you are not talking to Jesus about the things that are causing dis-ease in your mind and in your heart, you should be talking to Jesus because he might have an answer. He just, he just might have an answer. And often I think Jesus is looking at us like, oh my God, she's talking to everybody else about this. She's stressed out about this. She's emotionally eating about this. She's writing down her pros and cons about this. She's reading books about this. But she hasn't asked me. She hasn't asked me. So start with that. Start with Jesus. But what I wanted to do was just to give some practical things. And it's a little laughable because my sister Priscilla will tell you I have the hardest time making decisions. I— and my issue is, is that I'm a perfectionist and I don't like to make wrong decisions. I don't like to realize later that I should have, you know, turned over another rock or Googled another website or talked to another person. And so, um, I struggle to make decisions. And because I'm a firstborn child who is highly responsible and I want to do all the things I'm supposed to do, and because I'm naturally a high capacity person, I often am not naturally good at setting priorities because in my mind I'll just stay up later or get up earlier and get it done. I'm a get it done kind of person. And so, um, and I am a people pleaser, kind of, sort of. I'm a people pleaser if I feel like what someone else wants me to do is the right thing. Then it's like, oh, I'm supposed to do this because it's the right thing. So that's where I'm coming from. Um, it's very easy for me to help other people make decisions. It's always very easy for me to help other people people make decisions because it's clear they're not— I'm not tied up into it. Y'all should see some of the boxes that I have right now, um, that I just need to unpack. It's not even unpack, it's declutter. It's things that I've kept because I couldn't make a decision. It's, I don't know which thing of this child's childhood is going to be important, so I'm going to keep it all and decide later which is important. But if you do that over and over and over again, then you have boxes of all this memorabilia that you could never decide on, and then it's junk. And one of the greatest gifts my mother gave us— not one of the greatest, but one of— one of a good gift my mother gave us was cleaning things out. So when we— I remember this was years and years before she got sick. She said, um, you know, her brother had died and they had to do a major clean-out job on his things. And she said, I never want y'all to have to go through my things like that. You know, I don't want the burden for you of having lost me, and then you have to go through my thing. So she decided— she went through her thing, she kept what was important, everything was organized, there was no junk. Such a gift. So I'm like, I gotta, I gotta give my kids that gift. I, I can't not decide because not deciding is still deciding. And I talked about that on Monday. I talked about that on Monday. So what I wanted to do is give you some practical tips for making decisions, and a part of setting priorities is also making decisions. But let me, let me, let me say this first. When you're thinking about decisions and when you're thinking about setting priorities, there are 3 things that will always be first, and everything else can be— can come after that, okay? God, okay, other people, and then you. It spells joy. Now I'm going to debunk that in just a minute, but that's the one I heard growing up. Jesus, then others, then you. And others can include, of course, your husband first if you're married, your children if you're a mother, um, your, uh, you know, your, your mother if you're, if you're a daughter and you want to, um, prioritize taking care of them. It can include, um, being other-centered, you know, volunteering at your church, taking care of your neighbors. But here's the problem with Jesus and others than you. There are some of us as girls who we get stuck on the others and there's never a you. And Jesus is saying, ma'am, like, if you never get to you ever, then you're not gonna do what's important to me for you to do. So then we go back to Jesus, because the question is, what does Jesus want you to do on his behalf for others and for you? Now, I don't mean for you in the self-gratifying sense and, you know, getting a massage. There's nothing wrong with that. Or getting your hair done, there's nothing wrong with that. Or, you know, saving up your money and, you know, getting the car that you wanted for years, there's nothing wrong with that. Or, um, you know, taking a weekend to yourself and just saying, I'm saying no to everything because you decided, you put your weekend by yourself on the calendar, there's nothing wrong with that. But what I'm saying is many of us, whether we're mothers or whether we are sisters or friends or hard workers, We're so focused on Jesus and how he wants us to serve others that we never get around to looking at what he wants us to do in this world. That's what She's Still There was about. The, the last book I wrote before the prayer book, She's Still There, it was about acknowledging the gifts in you. Now there are a whole list of reasons why often we don't, um, acknowledge our gifts or walk in our gifts. That's what the next book is about.. It's about freedom and how you get shame off of you. But the point is this: if you are— if you get stuck on others, you will never be able to take care of you. Now I know what somebody's saying, 'Now I trust Jesus to take care of me.' Listen, honey, I can't tell you how many women are sick, are run down, are stressed out, are overburdened, who are stressed— their cortisol is through the roof. Women have heart disease. Women are, um, you know, they're, they're, they are exhausted mentally, emotionally. They're not taking care of themselves in a way that allows them to fully serve God. Yes, to serve others, but to serve God. And sometimes the very people that we are serving for his glory, we're actually not serving for his glory because 2, 3 weeks ago he told us to do something different and we weren't listening. So it really becomes a matter of our nurturing as women and what we're supposed to do for other people and how we feel bad and how we feel guilty and how we want to save people. Just sidebar, this is free. You're not supposed to save him, okay? If he don't love Jesus on his own, you're not— you're not his savior. And so many women get caught up in relationships trying to be his savior. That's not your job. It's not your job. And if you would start with Jesus, you would realize that that other, that man who's an other, that he's not your job. And you would say, Jesus, okay, what do you want me to do? And then Jesus would say, you know that other you keep getting stuck on, that other you've spent 5 years on, that other who you're shacking with, that other who cheated on you 3 times, That other, I told you to leave him a hot, a hot second. So we have to define how we're serving others in our priorities and our decision makings based on Jesus. You got to go back to Jesus. Don't get stuck on other. Okay. Okay. That was my little sermon, my little sermonette. So, um, what I'm going to do is share some of the thoughts that the inner circle had. They, I mean, listen, y'all, and this is what I want to say to you millennials. Now listen, I know y'all are millennials and you know, you're trying to watch your budgets and all that, but here's what I've learned. And I'm going to say this about the Inner Circle right quick. We broke up into groups. We had a Zoom call. We broke up into groups. Women who did not know each other were able to connect and there was mentoring happening in there. Okay. They, they were seeing each other's faces and younger women were asking older women questions. And you invest as a millennial in a lot of things. Okay. You invest in your social media, you invest in your YouTube TV, you invest in getting your hair done, you invest in hanging out with your friends. The Bible says get wisdom. Now you can go get it for free with the lady at your church, from your mother, from somebody. But I'm saying, if you know you need wisdom, don't tell me you need mentoring. I'm here, I'm mentoring you, but don't tell me you need ongoing mentoring and then opportunities like this present itself and you don't take advantage of them. Okay, so this is not a guilt trip to be in the Inner Circle. I'm saying go find it. And if you don't have it, and if you're investing in everything else but your future, then consider it. All right, so here's what I want to say about this, y'all. Okay, I have right now in a bag— you know, I'm a bag lady, I have a million bags. This bag on the floor, you know, obviously like this color, I keep buying this color bag. But, um, y'all, I was shopping and I needed some earrings and I couldn't decide, so I went to Target I bought a bag full of earrings, um, silver, different ones. I always go get hoops, you know, but I was like, do I need this size or this size? And I have a second hole, do I want to do that? Do I want to— okay, so I'm doing all of these things and I couldn't decide. So I came home with a bag full of earrings that I was going to try on later at home and figure it out, you know, hold them up and see which one I wanted to keep because I couldn't decide. Well, you know what happened? I still have them. I haven't taken them back, which means I spent more than I was trying to spend. Okay, because I couldn't decide in the moment which earring to choose. And here's the reality of most of the decisions— not all, but most of the decisions that we stress over— it don't matter. Now, I'm not talking about whether or not you should marry him. That matters. I'm not talking about whether or not you should follow Jesus. That matters. I'm not talking about whether or not you should, you know, go to school or not. That, that, that, that, that matters. But what I'm telling you is Many of the things that we stress over, whether we go to this school or that school, you get to a certain point where you have enough information and you just decide. Okay. Some of the stress that we are experiencing, um, you know, with trying to get our priorities in order even is, you know, if one day something that was fourth on the list ends up taking our whole day and it wasn't supposed to be first, We feel like we failed. Y'all, relax. Give yourself grace to not get it right. If I would have come home from Target with the wrong earrings, do you want to know what I could have done a week later? I could have gone back to Target and gotten a different pair of earrings. There is a principle for living that will help you make decisions and it will help you set your priorities. Okay, okay. Now we have to talk about what we're applying it to. Okay, I'm not applying this to your time with God. That is a given. Jesus and others and you. I'm not applying this to prioritizing your, um, you, your service to other people. And that includes your spouse, your children, honoring your parents. It includes ministering to the lost, being a good neighbor. It includes those things. But what I'm saying to you is if you miss the boat, if you're like, you know what, I should have spent more time with this friend. I didn't make the decision to spend, and I should have gone to her baby shower. Oh Lord, I made a bad decision because I chose this weekend to stay home and watch Netflix because I was exhausted. By the way, taking a minute to rest does not make you a horrible person. If you live in rest, then that's a different story. But the reality is the next time that decision comes around, you will have learned. You have to say, it's okay if, if I, if I make a decision, if I set a priority and I learn later to do better. Maya Angelou, when you know better, you do better. When you learn, You teach. I asked my grandmother, my dad's mother, one time, is there anything that if you could do this differently, parent differently, is there anything you wish you would have done differently? And she looked and thought, and then she said, nope. And I said, really? You wouldn't have changed anything in your parenting? Most everybody I know has something that they've— in some way they feel like they screwed up their kids. And she said, no. She said, "I did the best I knew how with the information I had, and all I could do is the best I could do with what I knew." How freeing to tell yourself, I'm going to make a decision, I'm going to set a deadline, I'm going to do the best that I can, and I'm going to know that I'm doing the— I am making the best decision I can make. I'm setting my priorities the best I know how with the information that I have, and if I have to have this opportunity to learn, and then I grow and I get better at decision making, so be it. This is why wise counsel is so important, because they have had the advantage. Your mama, your auntie, the coworker, coworker at work who's got 20 years on you, your mentor, your older neighbor, the lady who's teaching the Bible study, the lady who's been in Bible studies for 20 years. This is why you do want wise counsel in your life. This is why you want wise counsel in your life, because they have made the mistakes. They have made the mistakes, so they can tell you some things. So my mother could say to me, as I was stressing out about my kids and about all the things that I needed to do differently, and I just stressed, you know, I didn't do this today and I didn't do this today. And she would say, but Chrystal Hurst, you're making memories. It does not matter that y'all didn't go on the great vacation. Y'all had a staycation, you took a drive, and your kids, they're not going to care that they went to Disney World or not. What they're going to care about is that you were with them, you spent time with them, and they're going to have those memories when all y'all could afford to do was take your van down to the, the lake, the state park, and pitch a tent. You couldn't afford Disney World. They're not going to care. Okay. Her wise counsel in my life set me at ease with the decision that we were making to save money instead of blowing money in a season of our life where Disney World wasn't in our budget. Her counsel to me put me at ease. This is why you need to listen. If you have wise counsel in your life, this is why you listen to people who love Jesus, who have some years on you, and you just say, you know what, I'm, I'm gonna listen because I can figure this out the hard way, right? Or I can allow some people who know something I don't know to teach me something. Okay, the Bible says in Proverbs 19:20 that you should seek wise counsel. It says listen to advice, accept discipline, and in the end you would be— you will be counted as wise. Of course, the Bible says in James 1:5, if any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God. But we covered that, we covered that. Wise counsel. You need to hunt down people who have been where you are, and then you need to listen. Because here's what will happen: you'll hunt down somebody who's been where you are, and then when they try to tell you something, you're like, "Eh, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that." You know, "I don't want to do that." And then the thing is, they're trying to tell you. If it was easy, it wouldn't Everybody wouldn't do it. You need wise counsel because many of the decisions that you need to make are not the thing you're going to want to do. They're the thing you need to do so that you can have less regrets, less drama, less mistakes. People make mistakes— hear me now— because they do what they want to do. They, they do what they want to do. That's the thing. And so somebody can tell you, listen girl, let me tell you what I know what you want to do, but this is what you need to do. And, and if you would just listen, I could save you some time. So wise counsel. Now getting back to my earrings and my purses, I also had the same thing. I needed a yellow purse, y'all, and I, uh, couldn't decide, so I bought two. You know what happened? Couldn't decide. And it didn't matter. Y'all, it didn't matter which yellow purse I had. First of all, it was a yellow purse. I'm not gonna wear— I use the— I needed it for one purpose. I was going to use it what, with one outfit, and it wouldn't have mattered. It wouldn't have mattered. So what I'm telling you is, first of all, give yourself grace to get it wrong, but decide. You will learn to make better decisions by making decisions. That's number Just decide. I'm saying number one, but I've said a million number ones. Okay, in She's Still There, I talk about the squirrel in the middle of the road, that the squirrel who can't make a decision is a squirrel who ends up flat. Just pick, get out of the way, pick right or left and go. Now I want to talk to you about some things that, um, will help you in your decision-making process. Okay, these will help you. So obviously wise counsel is one. Ask somebody. Okay. The internet is full of podcasts and you can get books and you can read blog posts. You can search anything. Like if I was like, I need to make a decision on whether or not how much I'm going to let my kids play video games. I can Google teenagers and video games boundaries. And I have a million people, Christian, I can throw that on there. There are a million people who are going to say, Here's what I've done. And when my kids were teenagers, and they're adults now, this is— you can find this stuff by looking, okay? So, um, don't limit yourself to the fact that you don't have a mentor. Just decide and realize the whole time that you are becoming someone else's mentor. You hear that? You are becoming someone else's mentor. And the way you're going to look at your mentor, your older sister in Christ, your seasoned woman, and you're gonna say, oh man, how you learn that? She's going to tell you she learned that because she made some choices. Some of them she got wrong, and now she can teach you something. Okay. All right. Kwani in the Inner Circle, she had some great questions, and I want to share those with you. Dr. Kwani, who was an intern and who is now just a friend of our ministry and a, and a wise soothsayer for our other interns. She said, I ask myself, is this going to help me do what needs to be done? Now this assumes you got Jesus covered, then others covered, then you. What did Jesus tell you to do? I'm supposed to be in school right now. I'm supposed to be mommying my kids. I'm supposed to be focusing on my job. This is a season of working hard. I'm focused on losing weight and taking care of my temple. I've been challenged to memorize scripture. Okay, whatever it is, then you have to say with every new opportunity that comes into your life, every new thing, is this going to help me? So the other day I was close to Potbelly. I love Potbelly. Potbelly, the Potbelly that I was going to, is close to the Apple Store. I wanted to go to the Apple Store because Apple Store is open. Thank you, Jesus. October 13th is coming. I cannot wait till they announce a new iPhone. I've been waiting, waiting, waiting, not exchanging in my old iPhone for way longer than I should have held it because— and it's not even working right now. Anyway, I'm just so excited and I want to go to the Apple Store. And here's what I thought, what I need to do is go home. I had a doctor's appointment. I need to go home and I need to go to the Potbelly that's on my way home that way, not the Potbelly that's a little bit this way that's next to the Apple Store. Because if I go to the Apple Store, that's what I want to do, I'm wasting time. Kwani's question, is this going to help me what needs to get done? Going to that Potbelly is not going to help me. Going that direction to swing by the Apple Store, that's not going to help me. Decision based on priority, I need to go home, was I should have gone this way. And if I went by Potbelly at all, gone to this one, not that one. Is taking this decision, staying at this event, talking to this person, taking this job, getting this dress, paying this bill, getting out of this debt, getting into this debt, is it going to help me forward? Okay, is it going to help me forward? So you already probably know what needs to get done. When you're looking at that dress in the mall, or when you're shopping online— y'all, everybody getting that daily Amazon delivery is just ridiculous. Okay, when you're shopping online and you see something and it's a sale, and they set the sale to your inbox and you're like, oh, I've been wanting that, the questions you should ask is, does this help me to get where I'm going? Because here's the deal with your life when you're talking about decisions and priorities: you are going somewhere. Now, you may not be going there fast, you may not be going there, uh, in, in a straight line. You know, God may take you on some zigzags to get there, But are you going somewhere? Do you have a vision for your life? Meaning, do you— okay, let me, let me, let me, let me give you an example. If you say, I want to be a wife, okay, I want to be a wife, and I'm going to assume that as a wife I would like to be able to cook for my husband. You don't have to, you know, that's between you and your husband. But if you say, I believe that as a wife I want to cook for my husband, but 5 days a week you're eating out, does eating out, even if you can afford it Does eating out help you get where you're trying to go? No. So the decision is, or priority is, okay, I'm gonna have time with Jesus, I'm gonna work really hard on my job because I want to be successful and I want to be a whole, whole person that I'm coming into my marriage, okay? But when I get home, I get to choose. Decision: am I going to watch Hulu, my YouTube TV, my Netflix, if you haven't canceled it, or am I going to take the time Am I going to go to the grocery store with a menu that I picked on Allrecipes or whatever? Am I going to get ingredients? Am I going to go home and spend the time to learn to cook? Okay, you see how your priorities based on who you want to be and where you're trying to go affect every decision. You standing in front of the aisle looking at all the soups. Okay, what am I trying to do? I'm trying to make my poppy seed chicken recipe. I should share that with my email list. Have I ever shared that with y'all? Monique, make a note. We should totally share the poppy seed chicken recipe. It ain't good for you, it's good to you though. But anyway, there are a million versions of cream of mushroom soup, okay? But what am I doing? I can look at the cans, look at the labels, and do— I could do all that and spend 20 minutes on the soup aisle. There's nothing wrong with that. But in this season of my life, I don't need to spend 20 minutes on the soup aisle. I need to get some doggone cream mushroom soup and get up out of there, if I even go to the store at So what am I trying to do? I'm trying to get dinner on the table for my family. Pick a doggone soup. Decision made. Just grab one. I don't want the fat-free one for this episode. Okay. That helps your other decisions. Does it have to be done now? Can I do it another day? I always walk around with this black notebook. It's just a composition book because there are things that will pop up in my mind. And any of the girls who work with me, work for me can tell you my mind is non-stop. So I walk around with a pad and a pen, and I try my best. I fail a lot, but I try my best. Just because I thought of something doesn't mean I have to take action on it right now. So then I write it down and save it for a time that I've decided to take care of it. Just because it rises up doesn't mean— just because it hollers at you, just because it calls your name, that does not mean you have to answer. Okay, all right. Now another thing, um, Connie Boyd said this from the Inner Circle. She said, space. I've learned, and Monique can attest to this, she's been working with me for 5 years, she knows that sometimes I'm a quick decision maker. But here lately, um, here lately, not only do I want to take my time to make decisions, but I want to sleep on it. I want to sleep on it, and without the strain of the day, I just want to wake up and say, what do I actually think, you know, minus the fact that I'm tired today, minus the fact that I'm a little stressed, minus the fact that I've talked to 3 people about it. When I wake up in the morning, where does my peace lie? Philippians 4:6-7: You cast all your cares upon him before— because he cares for you. The peace of God will pass all— that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Sometimes you go with peace, and the only way that you're going to get that is if you give yourself the space, the quiet to know what your heart is saying now. And there's nothing wrong with being a processor, Veronica. I see that. But sometimes the space— saying, I'm going to give you a minute. I tell my kids that all the time. Ask me tomorrow. And they're like, oh my gosh, what's going to change between now and tomorrow? I'm like, my decision-making capacity, my ability to know that I know that I know. Don't apologize for taking your time to make a decision. Now, some decisions need to be made, um, and, uh, you know, I— you just can't take a million— uh-oh— you just can't take a million minutes to decide everything. But I want you to know that it's okay to give yourself some space, um, because sometimes the clarity that you need simply you get with less noise. Do you realize how much noise we live with in this world? The world is so stinking noisy. So sometimes you, you just have to stop weighing all of your options. It's good to weigh options, but you stop weighing your options and you say, be still, just be still. And what's the answer? Okay, we talked about praying about it. So many women in the Inner Circle said sitting still, sitting still, sitting still. Okay, writing things down. Writing things down. So there is something magical that happens when you write down your options or your decision, because there's something about getting it out of you. It's, it's like, uh, if you're telling yourself you feel like you're ugly, you know, and you're like, oh, I'm fat, and this and this and that, right? And then if you were to actually write down all the stuff you're saying about yourself and you see it outside of yourself, you're like, that is just harsh. It's just harsh. But as long as it's in your head, you can't see it. So when you're thinking about your priorities, you write them down, okay? So if God and others and then myself are a priority, okay, so that may mean that praying in the morning and reading my word in the morning is a priority, okay? Uh, for me, it may be a date night with my husband, but it also would just be me making sure that I've intentionally said an especially kind thing to him during the day. Because I'm just a fast talker, I'm a fast mover, I'm a task-oriented person. And so I have to slow down to like make sure I'm saying loving things. Like it's intentional, right? And so when you look at life this way and you say, okay, that it's not just others, it's specific. It's specific. When I write it down, something magical happens because if I write down as I think about it, I want to make dinner for my family, and I want to make sure that I am being kind, loving, and honorable— honoring to my husband. Okay, then I might say with setting priorities, okay, I, I need to make sure that at the beginning of the day, after I've talked to Jesus, right then and there before the day gets going, I say something kind. So you make decisions and then you write them down, and then you see how it all— it's like a puzzle, how it fits together. I want to encourage you to write it down. Then I want to encourage you to share it, because sometimes talking through your decisions with friends, with parents, even out loud to yourself sometimes— ain't no shame in that— sometimes making decisions becomes easier when you get them outside of yourself verbally with a friend. The problem is you need friends that, that yes, they can give you wise counsel, but they honestly need to let you get the answer on your own. Do you know some— not always, Some of the best counselors though ask questions. And then you realize that you had the answer the whole time. You just had to get it out of yourself. You just have to get it out of yourself. Do you understand? If you can just get it out of yourself with your mouth or with your pencil or with your pen, um, it becomes more objective to you. Something magical happens when you get it out of yourself. And again, getting it out can include talking to yourself. No shame in that. Deyra Madrid said this, and I love this. She said, I don't expect myself to do everything. Do you realize that some of the stress that you have for making decisions and setting priorities— because there's too much on your plate, Chrystal Hurst says as she talks to herself. There's too much on your plate. So one of the magical things you can do, one of the best decisions you can make, one of the most wonderful things that will change your life is to delegate. If you're trying to prioritize cleaning up the house in the evening and putting dinner on the table and making sure you clean the dishes and then making sure you spend time with Jesus and making sure— and your kids are teenagers, why are you cleaning up the kitchen? Delegate. If you are at work and you realize that there is so much that you are responsible for and you're totally stressed out, but you're managing a team and the only reason why your team is not doing more is because they need training, oh my goodness, train them and delegate. Put it in your budget to give them what they need to be more effective at their jobs. It's not, it's not all supposed to lie with you. Do you hear me? It's not all supposed to lie with you, not the decision-making and not always the end result, because some of the other people are designed to carry the load. And sometimes we can't decide and we can't set priorities because we're actually trying to do too much. We're trying to do too much. Okay. Sandra, y'all, if you're in the inner circle, be sure to check out her post. She has a whole Google, a whole Excel sheet she shared as a 30-minute planner in the comments of our discussion. Okay. Let me give you a couple of other tips that they shared. We talked about giving space and giving time, giving time. There were a couple other ones that I circled here. We talked about pros and cons already last on Monday. Okay. Yes. Dahlia said active accountability, active accountability, not just meaning you tell them, but then there's a time and a date, another date, a, a, a, a, an appointment on the calendar. So here's what you need to do. If you're a good friend, a good mentor, or if you need mentoring, or if you want to be a good friend, when somebody says, okay, Okay, so I've decided I'm going to prioritize something that God has put on my heart. I'm going to go back to school. That's what I'm going to do in the fall. Your question as a friend should be, great, so what's the date you're going to do that? So I'm in the middle of trying my best to get this next book done, y'all, and, um, I had to call for some accountability and some backup. And what was said to me is, all right, um, so on Monday I would like to see your next 5,000 words. Oh, she said, is that reasonable? Is it doable? I said yes. She said, alrighty then, I'll look for your words on Monday. You need to make sure that you have accountability. Now, some, some of you are good at doing that for yourself. You put the date on the calendar, or— but I'm telling you, active accountability, something that's not just going to lay there. Not that you just say, I'm gonna do you know, but active. The reason why Weight Watchers works is because it's active. You go every week and you weigh in. Somebody is looking to see, did you do what you said you were going to do? Okay, so active accountability means somebody is looking. BSF, Bible Study Fellowship, they say when you come to your lessons— or it used to be this way— you could not speak in the Bible study if you had not done the Bible study and written your answers down. So if you were going to take all the time to go to a Bible study and you wanted to participate in the study, you needed to do the homework. Accountability was built in. Take it seriously. Are you taking seriously your walk with God for this Bible study? Then do the work and write it down. And if you don't write it down, that's fine. You can still come, you just can't talk. Okay, here's the thing that I am learning, and it is the best thing ever. Um, the art of saying no. Priscilla always says she has the no anointing, and she does. No is easy for her. It's not as easy for me.. But here's the thing, you can get good at it. It's just like, I don't, I don't know why. There have been 2 speaking engagements, 3 in the last couple of weeks for 2021, the fall of 2021. I love these people. I love these churches. I love these events. And I said, no, it's just, I don't even have anything else on the calendar for work. But I took 24 hours. I slept on it, man. I don't have a reason, and I've learned to be okay with not having a reason. Sometimes you have to give yourself grace to not have a reason and just say no because it's not a yes. Do you understand? Just because it's not a no, like a strong no, doesn't mean it should be a yes. So what we have done is treated our yeses as the default answer. Here's what you need to understand: your no is your default answer. You know what I mean? You could say no in a spirit of a yes. You can say no with a smile. You can say no in love. You can say no and cheer people on. You can say no and be sad. I wish I could. You can say no, but your yeses are gifts. Do you understand? Your yeses are gifts. So when you say yes to something, you're committing your time. Do you not realize that your time is one of your most precious possessions? And once you give of your time, you can't get that time back. You gave it away. So if you are going to give a yes to something, it should be because it's a yes, not because, well, it wasn't a no, so I'm just gonna go ahead and do it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You give a yes when it's definitive yes, whether it's because you have to or because you want to. Your no should be because there are too many other things to do in your life for God, for the people that he's placed in your life, or for yourself. I'm not saying be a mean person. I'm saying when somebody comes to you and you're trying to decide, should I join this auxiliary board? Should I participate? Should I take this new job? Should I engage in this new school with my kids in this role? Should I take the PTA leader position? Should I keep my— I mean, whatever it is that you're trying to decide, unless it's a yes, it should be a no. Because when you give your yes, you are giving away your time and you are, um, And you're giving away a precious gift. So give it away as much as God invites you to do so, but don't be, don't be guilted into giving away what God has given you. Jesus said no a lot. Do you know that everybody wanted him to heal them? Do you know that everybody wanted him to stop by? Do you know that everybody wanted him to give a word? And do you know how many times he left? And went on the mountain or got in the boat or snuck away and prayed. He was like, listen, I'm saying yes to all of you by saying yes to me. God the Father has me here for a purpose. If I don't get my stuff together and get to the position that God wants me to be— God the Father— because I got to die when I'm 33. I have to die when I'm 33 for y'all. So I can't get, I can't get busy doing all the stuff y'all want me to do, or else I'll miss the greater yes. The greater yes is for God. The greater yes is for you. But the greater yes means I've I've got to break away so I can hear from God the Father. I've got to break away so that I can get the rest I need. I've got to break away so I can pour into these disciples, because if I don't break— if I don't pour into these disciples, the gospel won't go where it's supposed to go. So others don't mean everybody other. It means only the others that God is asking you to say yes to. The others, you can love on them and say no. All right, let me get off of that. Okay, Carolyn said, to the extent possible and probable, I research to have as much information as possible. As a quintessential researcher, let me just say, I want to encourage y'all to keep your researching and give it a deadline and not research yourself into oblivion. Chrystal Hurst says that she has 57 tabs open on her computer right this second. So weigh your options, know where you're headed, know what you have to change to get where you need to go. Make a decision. Don't indirectly make a decision. Directly, intentionally make decisions. Okay, um, think about where you're trying to go. Get a vision. Okay, where do I want to be when I'm 30? Where do I want to be when I'm 40? What do I want to have saved when I'm 60? What do I want my marriage to look like when I'm 55? How do I want my health to be when I'm 80 years old? Based on where I'm trying to go, what are the things that need to get reordered in my life? What are the decisions I need to make that are yes and no? And then live that out. And then know that life changes. So just because you have made a decision, that doesn't mean that that decision sticks. You have to keep going back to Jesus to see how he wants to serve others, to see how he wants you to build up yourself, so that you can give him glory, so that you can pour into others, so that you can be who he's created you to be, as you come back to him for the instructions for how you're supposed to leave a legacy for others, as you max out what he has created you to do. Because Ephesians says that we were created for good works that he has prepared beforehand. That's, uh, chapter 2, verses 8 through 10. How can you do the good works that he's created for you if you're busy, uh, overanalyzing all the options? You got to get going, okay? So think about who you want to be, what God wants to do in your life, okay? There are reasons why it's hard to decide, y'all. The other day I went to bed at 7. I took a nap. I never take a nap, but I was irritable. I was short. I couldn't think. I told Monique there were some decisions I needed to make, and I was like, don't have any— I don't have any decision juice left. No decision juice left. And just for a second, I said, I'm gonna go lay down. I'm gonna go lay down. Y'all, I laid down at 7 PM and woke up at 7 AM. You want to know why that was the case? Because even though I didn't feel tired, even though I didn't feel exhausted, I saw signs. I was listening to my life and I was paying attention. I'm going to talk more about that on Monday, how to listen to your life. And I, uh, and I realized that the reason why I couldn't make a decision was because an internal distraction was my, my energy. I didn't have the energy level. Do you realize that your brain brain needs energy to make decisions, like you actually need food and water and you need rest. So sometimes the reason why we can't make decisions is because we're not giving our brain, the mechanism that does that, what it needs to do it well. Okay, internal— it could be that you're a perfectionist. Deal with that. Make a few mistakes, get over yourself. That's what I'm telling myself. And move on. Okay, trust your Noah, trust the Holy Spirit in you, trust the sixth sense that he gave all women, trust the the soul that he gave you. I mean, listen, y'all, we were designed with that amygdala. I've been listening to The Body Keeps Score. We've been designed with the hippocampus. We've just been designed with a brain, a body that can know things that our frontal lobe, that our neocortex can't learn. It takes us a minute to digest some things. You know when something is scary and you know something ain't right and the hairs on the back of your neck stand up? That's because God built knowing into you. Do you understand? He built knowing into you. And sometimes those internal things know before you do. So maybe the reason why it's hard to make the decision is because it makes sense, but God, the Holy Spirit in you, or the knower that he put in you as a woman, or the physicality of your knowing, knows something. And you just have to say, you know what, it's a no. I don't know why, I can't explain it, but I don't have peace about it. It's not a yes, it's a no. It's the same thing with setting priorities and setting, um, things in order, is that you have to say, I don't know why this has to come first. My cousin Winter took— she had 4 girls. She took 1 girl out of school, 1 girl out of school to homeschool her. And everybody said, why are you taking this 1 girl out of school? She said, I don't know, the Lord just told— I just supposed to take her out of school. Didn't make sense. Alina has spent a lot of time with her mother because Alina's been in the movie. They've been asked to speak at mommy-daughter conferences. Alina got time with her mother. The twins got time with their mother. They were babies. She had to, you know, do all these things because they were the babies and all she had to do. And then her middle daughter Katie It's the middle child. There was nothing wrong with Katie. Katie was fine. 6 months after— 7 months after Winter took Katie out of school to homeschool Katie, her middle child, Winter died. She did not know why she was taking that child out of school, but now she knows. Now we know is because that child needed a deposit, because God knew that Winter was not going to be here. And if Winter had not been listening, she would not have been able to make a decision based on priorities that were God-given that even she did not understand. You have to listen and know that knowing is built into you. Now, it needs to be informed by wisdom from the scriptures. It needs to be informed by wise counsel. It needs to be informed by education. Absolutely, I'm all about education and research and all that. But then you got to pray about it and go to sleep. So know your internal factors. If you are prone to not making good decisions, or making— if you know you have bad decision patterns, Don't now try to be your own decision maker. Get some counsel. If you know that you have a— take a long time to make decisions and you just need to call it, okay, just make a few. Just give you— just be nervous and just choose and be afraid that you got it wrong, but you're still alive. You get to learn. And then know that God built a know-where into you. External factors, okay, major life decisions. I mean, it's major. What school do you go to? What job do you take? What man do you marry? All these different things. But you have to understand that people's opinions of what you should do— wise counsel aside— people's opinions of what you should do, there should be, even with external factors coming to you, the books that you read, the people that advise you, there should be a co-signing of that. God can co-sign that. He can make sure that, that the word and your wisdom and your wit, what you have on the inside of you— I need to write that down. Down. Sometimes I say things, I'm like, you need to write that down, that they will come into agreeance, that God will confirm what he's asking you to do. So yes, let there be external factors, but don't let any one of them drive you mad. Allow God to confirm that, okay? Then you— it's okay to grow slow, okay? Make good decisions, weigh your options, determine what factors help it make it hard for you to decide, the internal things, the external things, and then keep your priorities in balance, realizing that balance is never something that you reach. It's something that's constantly in flux, and it's constantly something that you're managing, and that's okay. That you made your priorities last week and this week, that's not the way it works. So you sit down, you pray about it, you talk to your spouse about it, you call your girlfriend and you say, well, what do I do? I thought I was going to do this week, but maybe— y'all, if you made a commitment and the commitment isn't working, it's not because you're being lazy, it's not because you're you know, you're, you're, you're being, um, undisciplined. But something in life changed, or something, uh, something shifted. It's okay for you to say, you know what, oops, wrong job. I mean, you know, wrong job. It's okay for you. Many of you got a degree. Oops, got the degree, wrong degree. That has nothing to do with what I'm doing 15 years later. It's okay. It's okay to say my priority. Okay. Don't get lost in that. I had a priority of having a great career. So I got a, I went and got a degree and I got a job only to realize that I hated that job. So now I'm here out here on another job and it's been 3 jobs and I still can't figure it out. I suck. No, you don't suck. Your priority is to have a job where you're paying your bills. Where you're able to contribute to society, where you're able to make a living, and where you, uh, hopefully love it and have a passion in it, right? That you enjoy it. And it's okay to work your way there. So don't lose sight of the priority. The priority was that I would have a job that I enjoyed, a job where I was contributing, a job that paid my bills, a job that allowed me to use my gifts and abilities. And you know what? It's okay. I'm still working through how I navigate this, but I'm still on my way. And everything that I'm doing, every decision that I've made Every, uh, priority that I've set is getting me closer to my aim. You don't make a decision and just get there. You make a decision and then you travel. You can trust your ability to make a decision because even if you get things wrong, and even if you need white camp counseling, even if you need to study God's word, and even if you weren't raised in a good home, and even if you didn't have the right background and you didn't have the education You can learn. So start where you are, make some decisions, set some priorities. Okay. Now I realize that, you know, all the time it's not that simple. I understand that. I do understand that. Um, but I think that, you know, again, I want to go back to Dr. Kwani's question. Dr. Kwani, how is this going to get me where I'm trying to go? And does it have to be done now or can it be done later? Because one of the worst things that keeps us not getting stuff done is we're trying to do it all at the same time. My mother wrote a book, Seasons of a Woman's Life, and there's a Bible study coming out. Priscilla and I have done the Bible study for that. It's coming out in November. And my mother said that all the time, Chrystal, you can't do it all at the same time. Things are going to happen in seasons. Just keep going, keep living, and know that your season will change. Artist Me said, it's okay if you got laid— if you've gotten laid off of that wonderful job because of COVID It is. You want to know why? Because there's more where that came from. If you believe that God is your source If you believe that every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights, in whom there is no shifting shadow, James says that if he could do it once, he can do it again. He can do it again. So enjoy the period where you're without a job. If you got laid off, enjoy it, because once it's gone, it's gone. The season will be done, and then you'll be back on the next job, and then you'll look back and say, while I had the time, I should have done X, Y, and Z. Don't do that. Keep looking for the job. Make a decision to keep looking for the new job. But while you're here, what are your priorities now? To maximize the time you can spend with Jesus? To finally get in your yard and plant some flowers? To declutter that back closet in your room? To maybe cook some dishes? Like, for the season that you're in, max it out. Not stress it out, max it out. And say always to God, what would you have me to do? What would you have me to do? Um, I've been saying no a lot lately because I have 3 boys. One of them's a senior-ish. If you're a homeschooler, you know what that means. One of them is a sophomore, one of them is a 6th grader. For the last 10 years of my life, God has been very good to our family and that he has allowed me to assist in providing income for our family by writing books and speaking. But I'm looking at my boys, and they've been homeschooled, so we've been around. And I just said, this year, this year, less. As God gives me the bandwidth, the ability to do so, less. Less on the calendar, less going on, less commitments. I'm, I'm home a lot, but home paying attention. To them. And that has meant some nos and meant some boundaries and meant some discussions. But can I just tell you that when you sense dis-ease and you ask God, what decisions do I need to make to get where I'm trying to go? And you make those corrections, you reset your priorities, you move some things around, there is nothing better than knowing that you're doing what you need to do so you can experience what you want to experience. I wanna encourage you to make decisions. I wanna encourage you to use your circles of influence, the women in your life, your neighbors, your mother, your sisters, your mentor, that woman who teaches in your Bible study, I want you to make use of the books, the podcasts, all these things that are helping you. There's actually a podcast that I recorded about making decisions. It was awesome. It was my conversation with, um, Emily Freeman about making decisions. It's chrystalevanshurst.com/213. Listen to that if you want more. If you're like, I want accountability and I want to think about my life in 2021 right now, I want to figure out where I'm going. So that I can reorient my stuff right now. Um, do that in your circle. But if you'd like to do it online with me and a new set of friends, look at the chrystalevanshurst.com/innercircle site and just take a look and see if this is for you in this season. Doesn't have to be. It's an option for those of you who, who want that in this season. But I want you to know that if you will decide, if you will decide, okay, If you will decide that I gotta start somewhere, that's, that's the gift. You don't have to get it all right tonight. You don't have to get it all right this week. You don't have to get it all right this month. Start somewhere, start somewhere and make one small decision. Set one small priority. Take the opportunity one time tomorrow, 'Hey girl, you want to go to lunch with us?' If you're back at work, 'You want to go to lunch with us?' 'You know what, not today.' You don't have to have a reason. And then when you're sitting at your desk looking like, 'Why did I stay here?' Maybe, just maybe, in the empty space, in the margin of your life, God will download something to you and say, 'Oh, thank you. Thank you for giving me some space to work with, ma'am. Now let me tell you what I've been trying to tell you.' You never know. What happens when you give yourself some space? And I'm gonna end this where I started it a little bit. If you're a millennial, get wisdom, pursue wisdom, go to the Bible study, read the book, listen to your mother, listen to your auntie, your grandmother, or that lady in church who's been trying to tell you, listen, sit at her feet. Go to dinner at her table. Take the risk to ask. Don't waste time. Don't waste time. Okay. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to log off of Instagram and I'm going to take a few questions, just a few, maybe 10 or 15 minutes more, but Instagram is going to cut me off. So I'm going to cut Instagram off and I'm going to stay live on Facebook and YouTube because they'll let me go a little bit longer and I'll take some questions. I don't know all the answers, but maybe I will be able to help a few. So if you've got a question, take a minute now and go ahead and leave it in the comments and I'll see if I can help about anything. Um, it could be about anything. All right, y'all, I hope you know, like my daddy always says, I love you with my life because it's Thursday night. Okay, bye Instagram. Y'all can join me on YouTube if you want. Bye. All right, y'all. All right, Faith Williams says, being a part of the Inner Circle has changed my life. I'm learning— I've learned how to love myself. I love it, I love it. All right, so I'm looking for questions if you have any. If you don't have any, I'm just gonna assume that I downloaded what I had to download to you tonight. Um, you know, I see what you said, Lakisha. You said, why are you hollering at me, Chrystal Hurst? I don't know, because I got excited. Leslie said, love that you popped on tonight. Yeah, you know, every now and then that's what I'll do. Um, hmm. Trianne, you said, what is the most difficult decision that I've ever had to make? Well, hmm, hmm, probably having my daughter, my oldest daughter, when I was 19. Knowing that I was going to be embarrassing for my family, knowing that it was going to totally change the tracks of my life, knowing that, that it would be embarrassing and shame-filled. That was— and if you say, how did it go? I would say she's 28 and she's lovely and she has 3 wonderful kids and she's awesome. So that went well. Going to school, staying in school with her was hard. I don't know how I made it, but I did. Turned out well. I have a degree that I don't use directly, an accounting degree, sat for the CPA exam, but every decision helped me. It helped me to know that I could do hard things and I could finish things that I started even in less than desirable circumstances. And so every decision that I've made, bad or good, has taught me something. And I'm grateful for that. How do you prioritize raising a 5-year-old grand and a 28-year-old disabled son? Such a great question. So without knowing any specifics about your circumstances, Lavinia, I want to just say that you have to slot them. Now I know this is not simple and I don't know what your son's disabilities are, but I would say your 5-year-old needs time and attention from him, from you. And so when my kids, so normally developing kids, but I have one that was not normally developing. He needed more time. He needed more attention. So I would tell my children who could understand when they could have me, when they could have me so that they had the consistency and the dependability of my presence. And so a part of my priorities was when is the best time or when is the needful time for me to be available to this child who cannot understand this? And then the other children who can, I just gave them the consistency as much as I could of my availability. So my oldest daughter, I remember she cried one time because I was busy taking my 3-year-old, 4-year-old son back and forth to therapy, to speech therapy, to all these doctor's appointments, flying him out of state to get these treatments, all this craziness. And one time, you know, I, she was just making it hard for me. And I was like, I need you to do this and do this. And she was just like, you know, she was just upset. And I said, well, what do you want me to do? What do you, what do you want me to do? Like, you know, if this were you and, and and your— the rest of your life and the usage of your body and the ability to speak depended on therapies, wouldn't you want me to do this for you? And she was just crying. Because of course, you're 14, you're 15 years old, it's too much, right? You just need your mom. And around that time, I started taking her out for dinner. Well, no, no, first I started taking her to Bible study with me because we would go early and the church had a library and we would sit there and look at books together before Bible Bible study. Then later it turned into going out to get a shake once a week to talk about her schoolwork. Now, that didn't mean I could give her all day, but I could give her time. So I would just say, like, if your disabled son gets up at a certain time in the morning, I would say young kids get up earlier. Prioritize maybe the first hour of the day with your 5-year-old grand so that they're full before, you know, if they, if they wake up empty and 5-year-olds need you, if you can get them in earlier. But I would say, look in your mind and say, there's only one of me and I can't do both at the same time all the time. And then I would say, how can you prioritize both of them by doing things together? You know, are you able to take that disabled son on a walk with your 5-year-old? Like, I mean, and again, I don't know what his disabilities are, but what can y'all do together? So I know that's not a perfect answer, but look for the ways where you can fill up one and look for ways where you can fill up the other. And know that you can't do everything the way you'd like to do it, but you can still be the grandmother and the mother that your grandson and/or your grand and your son need. Okay. I hope that's helpful. I hope that's helpful. How can you say no to church folk? Nicole Hanson says, okay, you ready? I'm about to, I'm about to help you. No. No, I'm so sorry. I would love to do that. I would love to. I'm just not able to in this season. You know what? That is such a great thing. And you know what? I can't do that part of it, but what I can do is the night of the event, I can come and maybe help clean up. You know what, girl? I think that God has called you. You are the perfect person for this. And I know that because he's called you, he's not only going to equip you, but he's going to bring the people in. Who need to assist you on this project. And girl, if I could, I would, but I can't. But I can pray for you. Can I pray for you right now? Rebecca said, I'm trying to register for the Inner Circle, but I'm having trouble. Rebecca, just email us hello@chrystalhurst.com. Where do I get my inspiration? Other people's words. So of course the Bible, that's the default answer. But I am inspired by words. I love quotes, I love books, I love reading, I love listening, and oh, and I love music. I turn on music in my home every day. It drives my kids insane. I don't care. I need the atmosphere around me, my Pandora, Spotify list, and what have you. I need my soundbar playing in one room while my other speaker plays in the other. I mean, I wake up in the morning, I tell my children, turn on the music. And then if I'm listening to a book on tape and I think it's not going to hurt them in order to hear, then I turn it on for them to hear too. But I love, I love words. You mentioned millennials. Is it too late for the baby boomer? Absolutely not, because there's somebody older than you. It's never too late. It's never too late. Never too late. The best way— what's the best way to stop owning what isn't yours? Well, When we have drinks in our refrigerator, somebody put a Coke in the refrigerator, they bought it, you know, they went to the little shop down the street, or, you know, maybe they, they came home and they got a sweet tea from somewhere in a bottle, they put it in the fridge. You know, the temptation is for somebody else in the house to see that Coke, see that Sprite, see that sweet tea, and just take it. And that happens when you have kids. And then I'm constantly telling my kids You can't take it if it's not yours. And they say, well, I didn't know whose it was. How do you know whose it is? You ask. So what is the best way to stop owning what isn't yours? To ask Jesus about the things that others want you to do and ask him if it's for you. Jesus, is this for me? Because if it's not for me to own, I'm not going to own it. I mean, I mean, that's one of the greatest lessons of marriage. Is knowing what you're not going to own. Saying, you know, I'm going to remind, but I'm not going to nag. I'm going to encourage, but I'm not going to, you know, I'm not going to, you know, beat you over the head with it. And I'm going to help as far as I can help. And then at a certain point, it's not my job. It's not my job. And you smile and say, I mean, you learn that lesson really good with kids. I mean, it's hard. To not helicopter parents, says this homeschool mom. But honestly, to be able to say to my kids, listen, I, you know, my son now is the senior-ish son. You know, he's always like, he's so gracious and he'll say, mom, you know, I want to do this, this, that, and the other. Am I free to do that? And I'm like, I don't know. You tell me. What does your schedule look like? Because you're the one that's going to be up till 3 o'clock in the morning, you know, or you're the one that when you're uncle calls and wants to hang out with you, or there's something fun to do with your friends, the question I'm gonna ask you is, are you done with your schoolwork? If you're not done, that's on you. Okay. Oh, Jimmy Bland, how do we get past coronavirus without feeling down? Well, there's so many reasons that we could be feeling down right now. One of those might be that we're lonely, we lost our jobs, we're not around the people that we love. But you know, there's always, always something to be grateful for. There's always something to be thankful for. So I would say practice gratitude, find something that makes you laugh, get on your, you know, your device with social media and find some memes that are clean but funny. Um, talk to friends via Zoom. Like, what are you missing? And inject some of that. You know, what are you missing? And inject some of that. But this is a time where you can learn. Like, it's like the Great Depression brought about some of the most great— some of the greatest innovation. There were a lot of people that lost their finances, but there were a lot of people who made millions because they figured out how to be innovative in a different season. Be innovative. What have you lost? That's not the question. The question is, what have you gained, or what can you gain if you look for it? Okay, um, I need to— I need help making a decision about going into shop, but something just doesn't settle well with me about going. Thing, then don't go. You made the decision, don't go. You don't have to go, don't go. And maybe it's more not as simple as that, but I'm just like, don't go. Order your groceries in, let them deliver them to your door. How do you raise such godly boys? Well, you know, they have to choose God for themselves. But here's my job, and I was telling my kids this this morning. Romans 6, all the things that Paul says about sin and how we shouldn't choose to sin and how the grace is the gift of God so that no one can boast and all these different things. And I said, listen, Listen, but you have to choose. My job is to give you the information. My job is to encourage you, make you when you're younger, and encourage you to memorize scripture. My job is to sit here at the table and expound the word of God over the table with you. My job is for us to pray together. My job is to make sure you're behind us sitting in church every Sunday. That's my job. Then God has to do the rest. My job is to model godliness in front of you. My job is to encourage you. I mean, like like little dumb things. Like, I was like, I want my sons to be able to lead their families at the table. So sometimes I hand them the devotional book and I say, read it. And my middle son will gladly do it. My youngest son is just, you know, all over the place. My oldest son is like, I don't want to. And I'm like, great, so when you live in your apartment, then you can be as quiet as you want. But in my house, at my kitchen table, you're going to have to lead your family. So guess what? At my kitchen table, you're going to practice leading. Leading. Lead. So there you go. Hope Randall, how do you find the time to write a book? Well, let's put it this way, this morning I was up at 4:30 in the morning. I talk a lot about that. I have a whole course about writing and speaking. Um, check it out. I mean, you can check it out now, but but it's gonna go on sale, so just wait till it go on sale. But anyway, um, but I have a whole process for that. But the main thing is I just— and one of my friends, Tricia Goyer, said it best: you just gotta put your butt in the chair and write. Now, there are a lot of ways to structure a book, and there's a lot of things to know about, you know, the flow of a chapter. But in terms of making the time for it, I say no. To other things. I say no to other things. So early morning usually works for me. How do I join the Inner Circle? Sherry McDonald says you can see the link on the screen. Go to chrystalevanshurst.com/innercircle and then you should be able to find everything that you need. Okay, let me just scan for a couple more questions. Okay, Faith Williams, Inner Circle girl. I am working 3 jobs and I'm writing my dissertation and I need to study for my counseling exam that I didn't pass. How do I prioritize? That's a lot, dear. So I would say, what's the one thing that if you had to release it, that you can release Meaning that it's not that you still don't do it, but it gets the lowest amount of your time. That if you're going to run out of time, if you run out of time and you don't get to do this, you can live with it. You won't like it, but you can live with it. Do you have to have the 3 jobs? Are the 3 jobs needful or are the 3 jobs need and want? Do you have to focus on your dissertation and your counseling exam at the same time? Or does one come before the other? So there's a lot of nuances there, but I would say that's a lot. And I would say you just have to pick which one is most important, which one is most time-sensitive, put them in that order and realize that one is not going to get the best of you because 3 jobs is a lot. What language arts curriculum are you using for your senior? So he is taking English from a lovely English teacher., in the area. In fact, we specifically sent him to a co-op for her. Um, but if what I do, um, we have done Institute for Excellence in Writing for my older kids, uh, writing, writer's workshop for my younger kids. So because I've taught this for so long, I interject what I know about those curriculums into his assignments from that teacher. Um, so that's the short answer. We have a whole homeschooling thing. I don't even know if it's up yet, so I don't want to tell you all about it yet because we, we did it live and now it's online. Because people kept asking me. So I did a whole— was it 4 weeks or 5 weeks? A whole 5-week thing about homeschooling your kids. And if you're on my email list, Monique, we can make a note to make sure we tell everybody about that. I see you, Thelma. You're gonna do great on your interview. Okay, I'm gonna scroll way down and take a couple of recent questions. Yes, Dr. Kwani, she said, I just finished my dissertation. You got to say no to something. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. All right, I'm gonna answer a couple more questions. Lanika said, Chrystal, I have a question. You probably don't have time to answer this, but whenever I'm alone with God, literally one with God, he sends me all these big ideas. I write them in my journal and pray, but I don't know what the question is. But yes, God speaks really loudly when we're quiet and can hear him. So I love that. Okay. Maddy said, okay, an evening live. How do we deserve this? Because I love y'all, I really do. And I just felt the need to talk a little bit more about that. Adrian Poindexter said, what's the difference between how the girls accepted your teaching versus boys? More attitude. Boys have attitude too, it's just undercover. So, you know, okay, uh, let's see. Ma'am, have you been reading my journals and emails? No, no, sir. I do, you know, you well, but I have not been reading your stuff. Uh, how to deal— this is good— how to deal with entitled friends. They can only be entitled to the things you allow them in that you entitle them to. Like, if they're entitled, then they only can continue to operate that if you feed it. And it can only get on your nerves as much as you allow it. I mean, you can cut that mess off at the pass, my friend. You know, you can say to them, I love you so much, you know, but you regularly assume this, this, that, and the other. And you know, I, I love you and I would do anything for you, but I, I just need you not to assume this. I would prefer that you ask, or I would prefer that you, um, you know, whatever it is, whatever it is that they're entitled to, you know. And if it has nothing to do with you, they just feel entitled in life, you don't have to roll with that. You can call them on it. You can just say, girl, you are nuts. Everything in this world doesn't have to bow down to you. I love you, but everything doesn't have to bow down to you. Oh, what to do when the husband is not on board with the decision I want to make? Now, isn't that the question of the century, of the millennium? Of all time. Well, let me just say, first of all, sometimes in marriage they will not get on board with what you want to do. So sometimes that means you can do it without them. Like, if it's stopping your fun, go have fun. Now, if it's something that's like important, like you want to move to this house in this neighborhood and he doesn't want to move to this house in this neighborhood, you know what, then you say, you know what, I'm gonna do what I wanna do in this house to make it something I love. I can't get what I would like, but I can create something where I am that I love. Okay. The other thing is sometimes our husbands are not on board with decisions that we're making because of how we are pushing them to agree with us. I wanna, I want to encourage you to pray about it. I wanna encourage you to be quiet about it. I want to encourage you, he heard you the first time. He heard you the first time. I want to encourage you also to choose your timing. I mean, just being blunt, after y'all have sex, ask him then. It's like magic after you, um, I mean, you know, honor him. You know, what is— what makes him feel honored? Because sometimes a lot of men will— they will choose control in an area that they feel that they can be the head because we're not allowing them to be the head in other areas. We're not honoring them in other areas. And so what happens is they just start picking stuff. They just start picking stuff. So I just want to encourage you to have sex with your husband, but I also want to encourage you to, um, to be timely with your words. I also want to encourage you to, um, um, to make the best of what you can do if he's not on board with you. Okay, all right. ZCP 303, what a name, said, all these labels, where does the 39, soon to be 40-year-old fall in? I think you are, you are a You are a Gen Xer. You are a young Gen Xer. I think millennials stop like 37, 38. Like they're— I think if you're 40, I think if you're 40, you, you, you, you, if you're already 40, but you know, I don't know. It all blends in. Millennial has become less of an age and more of a way of thinking about life. Joan Haddon Smith said, Chrystal, you are your own person. God created you for this time, but I see your mother all over you, my dear. Thank you. I know my mother would regularly say, this is my real daughter, y'all. And then sometimes I would say things and she'd be like, oh, oh my. Oh, Alexina said, I practiced a year of no, a couple of years, best thing I ever did. Yay. Yay. Yay. Yay. Yay. Yay. Okay. Last question. Jasmine Sam. I think it's the last question. What are some ways, tips I can be more patient with my children during the virtual learning process? Remember that they're children. They were not designed to sit in front of a screen all day. Give them something to look forward to. Give them something to work towards. Um, last night, my boys, it was a Wednesday night., and we, um, of course have not leaving anywhere to go to church. And so we were available earlier in the evening and my, one of my sons was like, can we watch a movie? And it was a little too late for me to watch a movie, but really what they really wanted to do was play video games. I don't want to play video games, y'all, but I said, you know what, let's play video games as our family activity. So not only did we do that, but we made some cookies and we ate ice cream, jacked us all up today. But, um, what happened? What happened? I didn't feel good today. What? What happened? I didn't feel good. Okay. Okay. Well, let me finish. I'm finishing my sentence and I'll jump off. Okay. All right. Well, anyway, we had a good time last night and that gave them something to look forward to. And you have to inject that, you know, So anyway, I just wanted to answer that question, but I am going to go and attend to a child who's obviously not having a good, a good moment. Oh my goodness. All right, y'all, real life. Go check it out, my baby. I love y'all. Find your people, find your people. And if you want to do the work, work in a group of some great women, some great people, prepare for 2021 with some great content, then, um, join us in the Inner Circle. We're open until October 11th. Um, join before the 10th is gone to join us in Fervent. Closes the 11th, and then we're going to launch out and do the thing, y'all. All right. Talk to you later. Bye.