Give Yourself Grace with Chrystal Evans Hurst

There is so much going on in the world, and if you're like me, trying to absorb it all is a lot. There's a lot going on in the world, like everywhere, like in the whole wide world, and even in my country, right? Even in the country, there's just a lot going on. And in the midst of all that, I want to know if you know how to give yourself grace so you can handle it. Hi, my name is Chrystal Evans Hurst. I'm so glad you're joining me today. If you didn't already know, I go live every Monday morning with my Inner Circle for a little foolery and fun. By the time we put together the content that you see here, we've already been laughing, talking, crying, having a lot of fun and helping one another. If you'd love to join me live every Monday morning, check out the Inner Circle. That's chrystalevanshurst.com/innercircle. Inner Circle. I also want you to know that if you're watching me on YouTube or Facebook, the Live from Monday gets repurposed and reissued and edited and all cleaned up for you every Sunday night. I put up a video every Sunday night, and if you don't want to miss that video, if you want to be alerted when the video is ready, make sure that you're subscribed to my YouTube channel or that you are following me on Facebook, because it's really important to me when I share this information with you that you know it's All right, so let's talk about what it means to give yourself grace. Let me ask, first of all, if you even understand why that's important. We are creatures that are designed to respond to stress. We are designed to survive. And so everything in your body, when you feel that you are threatened, goes into action. Your adrenaline starts pumping, your heart starts beating faster. You may be able to feel feel the fight or flight syndrome happening. Sometimes you can feel it, sometimes you can't, but you were designed to survive. But here's what happens when you live in a world, when you live in a time, when you live during seasons of your personal life or our corporate cultural lives together, where you are constantly in a state of adrenaline rush. You will not be good. Let me just tell you that right now. And it doesn't matter if you are dealing with grief and death in your personal life. It doesn't matter if you're constantly watching the and seeing hard things happen in the lives of people that you love or people that you don't know, but you are compassionate about people. It doesn't matter if that stuff is happening in your city, if it's happening in your state, if it's happening in your country, or if it's happening in the world. When we are bombarded with stressful images, stressful messages, stressful circumstances outside of our personal lives or inside of our personal lives, you are designed to survive. You are designed to, to, to move forward and to keep living. And all of those influences coming at you, they can weigh you down. They can tighten you up. And you may not be even attentive to that if you are not decisive about paying attention to you, to your body, to your brain, to your heart, to know when you're tighter than you should be. But I don't want to talk so much about dealing with stress today. I mean, that's a whole thing that we, we need to, and I'll talk about that at another time. What I want to talk about and what I want to assume today is that you know how to notice when you're stressed out, that you know how to assume when you're stressed out, that you notice when your body is talking to you, that you notice when your emotional reactions, when you're triggered too easily, when you realize that how you're talking to the people that you love or how you're able to perform on your job, or the, the amount of physical duress and how it represents itself by you just not being able to think, having cloudy thinking. I'm going to assume that you are able to recognize those signs. If you're not able to recognize those signs, then I've got tons of videos here on this YouTube channel. So binge out, and I'll maybe suggest one or two that will help you to recognize those signs. But assuming that you can recognize when you're not good, I want to talk to you today about 3 simple ways for you to give yourself some grace. You just need to let out the steam. You just need to untighten the wad. You just need to create room and to create space for you to slow down your fight and flight response. Because every day that you live reacting to the stress in you and around you is every day that you are living in a physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional space that sucks time from your life. I need you to understand that. I need you to understand, and me too, because I know how to live a high-stress life and have been at sometimes proud of that. I can handle a lot. I can do a lot and do a lot quickly. But when you realize that you're not designed to live like this all the time, you have to learn the art of giving yourself some grace. Because when you learn what I talked about, uh, in my book, She's Still There, how to be your own best friend, you don't have to get through life doubling down on the hard stuff that's happening to you. You don't have to live your life that way. You get to meet great trouble with great grace for you. You have the ability, the privilege, the responsibility of meeting great hardship, great difficulty with great grace for you. So here are some things that you can do. Number 1, you live in a physical body. You've got to take care of your physical body. And often in times of great difficulty, trauma, trials, tribulations— because I'm a churchy girl— the very thing that we stop doing first is taking care of our physicality. But our physicality houses our soul. And even Sarah Jakes, I hear her talking about it a lot. She'll say, drink your water. Listen, drink your water. In all seriousness, we are the most dehydrated group of people because we have way too many options of other things to drink. And we have horrible habits of getting coffee, which caffeine, y'all, is dehydrating if you didn't know that. We have horrible habits of drinking soda. Too much sugar puts your body into another kind of response. We have horrible habits of not drinking enough at all because we don't stop. Or slow down. They have pacings where we fill our water bottle every day. Drink your water. Get a water bottle, find a cute one that you love. I love Klean Kanteens. Stay hydrated. Half your body weight, at least 8 to 10, half your body weight if you can. You'd be surprised what liquid will do for how your brain works, how your body works. Super simple. Get some sleep, girl. Go to bed, lay there, get a bedtime routine together so that you can make sure that you are lulling yourself down. And then lay down, go to sleep. Get some melatonin if you can't go to sleep. There are a bunch of other things out there that'll help you sleep if you are so inclined. Watch the prescription drugs. 'Cause you just don't wanna do that if you don't have to. But you'd be surprised how basic things in your food like magnesium— we are often not sleeping well because we're not taking in enough magnesium. You can supplement that, but that's why back in the day you drink a glass of warm milk to go to sleep. There's magnesium in there. So think about research. If you're not sleeping well, how can I improve that? Because you'd be surprised how just a little water and a little rest can shift your whole perspective on your whole world. And then do your body good. If you're not eating lots of color, if you're not eating lots of veggies, if you are not eating a balanced diet, don't expect your body to have good responses to the stressors in your life when it doesn't actually have the building blocks of giving you life in the first place. If you realize that you are living like this, constantly in response to the inputs that are around you, go back to the basics. Are you hydrated? Are you rested? Are you fed? Do you have the building blocks? Nutrition. And if you do not have the room for that, the time for that, the energy for that, then you've got to give yourself some grace to get rid of something else in your life so that you can create the space for getting back to the basics of what your body needs, because this is how you engage with your world, right? This is how you engage. Number 2, reduce stress. Reduce stress in your life. We are so used to living with stress. What do you not have to do? What can wait? We've seen those messages all around on the text billboards, and it says, "It can wait." You know, we're trying to respond to a text, we're trying to make a phone call, we're trying to tell that kid to sit down in the back seat, be quiet, stop arguing. But what can actually wait? We all know it. If you've experienced someone passing in your life, whatever was important to them when they got sick, sick, or when they got in that car wreck, or when they, um, had that, uh, unexpected event happen, that even if they didn't pass away, that landed them in the hospital for 3 weeks, whatever was on their to-do list, it could wait. And whatever couldn't wait, whatever couldn't wait, someone else came in and did. Most of the things that we say we have to do and that we have to do right now, we don't. Yes to to-do lists. I mean, oh my goodness, I have a million things in this book and then in my planner. I mean, you should see my to-do list, and this is not even work. What I have in Asana that I have for work, it's overflowing. But every day at the beginning of the day, I say, what are my most important 3 things? And of those 3, what's the most important number 1? And I give myself permission for everything else to wait. Because while I may get more than 3 things done, while I may be more productive than I expect myself to be, what are the things that can wait? You are holding on to so much stress because of all the things that you're trying to do, all the people that you're trying to serve, all the tasks that you're trying to complete, all the responsibilities that you feel compelled to shoulder the burden for. And while I'm so glad that you're a responsible person, and I'm so glad that you are compelled to do the right thing, and I'm so glad that people can depend on you, you have limits, my friend. You have limits. You have the limit of 24 hours in a day where a third of that needs to be resting. You have limits of the time that you need to sleep and eat and be with the people that you love. You have limits And if you don't recognize those limits, if you're not loving to yourself with recognizing your limits, you will constantly live in a state of stress. And stress, because we weren't designed to live in fight or flight, burns your body out. I can drive my car at 120 miles an hour. At least that's what the speedometer tells me. However, if I drive it at that speed nonstop, it won't last as long as it's supposed to. While it can go that fast if required, it wasn't designed to live there. So what can wait? Reducing stress. I mean, there's so many things. The Apple Watch tells you to breathe, which is so crazy because you don't realize until you choose to focus on your breathing, until you choose to pay attention to it, how shallow your breathing really is. And this is what reducing the stress and having the things that can wait in your life will do. It will help you to see the things that you know you should be doing, that you just haven't been giving enough attention to actually doing. What can wait? Who else can do it? And if your 3 big rocks for today mean that the other 5 things don't get done, Can the 5 things wait? Because the 3 things can't. Toxic people, toxic places. Reduce stress, slow down, do the things that you love, linger in the moments that matter most. Enjoy your food, enjoy the outdoors, enjoy conversation with a friend, read the book, Study the scripture, make room for community and growth in your life, and laugh. Laughter is really medicine. Get back to the body basics, reduce your stress. And then here's the other thing that I want to tell you: do what you can with what you have. Give yourself some grace and just say, this is the best that I can do. I wish I could do more. I wish I could do more today or in this season. This is the best that I can do. Tell yourself that all the time. Listen, right now I still have an air conditioning unit out, but here's what I want to tell you. We had a freeze, right? So I still, because we're in line to get it fixed, have holes in my wall. I still have a wood floor that's buckling. I had two AC units that were out at the same time in the Texas heat. I had a fridge, y'all. I'm back to my fridge. If you remember the fridge drama from last year, we had to get a fridge replaced, and then the new fridge is broke, and the part that they need to fix the fridge doesn't come into October because all of the world is backed up right now with everything. Because we get our parts of things from other parts of the world, and the world is not cooperating with the world right now. So all of our stuff, because of COVID and because of all the things are backed up. So now the part that I need for my fridge isn't coming until October. That doesn't even include the issues that I've had with my car. That just doesn't include a million other things. But you know what? Give yourself grace, girl. You had to clean out the freezer because everything was melting and you lost half of your food. Take your family out to eat. Feed them peanut butter and jelly. You'll be all right. They'll be all right. All God's children will be all right. Take a deep breath. What's really important? Identify that. Celebrate and give grace and gratitude for what is. Plot shift. Smile while you do it. Find something to laugh about. Whew. And breathe. I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing what I can with what I have. And the tools that I have to work with in this moment. I'm not gonna be complacent, but I am gonna be compassionate, actively looking for what I can do to improve my situation, but also actively looking for what I can do to smile at me. What will make you smile at at you, girl. Look at how you plot shifted and moved everything into the living room because your other room didn't have any AC. Look at how you plot shifted and you created a family movie night where the air conditioning did work because the air conditioning where the bedrooms were didn't work. Look at how you did that. Pat yourself on the back. You're something else, girl. Give yourself some language for loving you. You sure are flexible. You sure do create great memories for your family. You sure do know how to smile in the face of adversity. You sure do know how to shop around and find a good deal, because I'm not going to pay anybody to fix my AC or to replace my AC and not shop around and find a good deal. Give yourself some kudos. Y'all, in this world we're living in with chaos erupting everywhere we look, Everywhere we look on this side of the pond and on the other side of the pond, on this side of the States and on this side of the States, this side of my city, on this side of my city, in this part of my week, in that part of my week, this side of my family, on that side of my family. You gotta learn how to how to hold on to your peace. And the only way that you're gonna be able to do that is by giving yourself grace. To not attach yourself to the chaos, but to learn how to disconnect yourself. To see it from a distance, to realize I can't do everything, I can't fix everybody, and I can't change the world on every issue all the time every day. To realize when you've absorbed the stress and to learn how to give yourself some grace. I don't want you to be living in fight or flight nonstop because it's not good for you. Do what you can, realize that you cannot do everything. You have limits. But learning to love you because of your limits is the ultimate process, the train of thought. You need to give yourself grace and to know that when you do so, you actually expand your ability to deal. You expand your ability to dole out grace to other people too. So in these seasons in which we're living in, y'all, where there is so much stuff to be stressed out about— Lord have mercy, God help us— You have sovereignty over you. This right here, all of this right here, you're in charge of that, ma'am. You're in charge of that. For the sirs that are here, you're in charge of that. And you But you have the ability, the right, the privilege, and the responsibility of giving yourself grace so that you know how to live free. Just because it comes on you doesn't mean it has to stay on you. Just because somebody else gives it to you doesn't mean you have to take it. Just because it's everywhere doesn't mean it has to be in you. Give yourself grace. I hope this has been encouraging to you. I hope it's reminded you of some things you already know. I hope that it has taught you something if you had never heard it before. But what I hope also is that if you need to hear it again, you'll go back to the beginning and listen again, because listen, we need things on repeat in our lives. But also, if this has been helpful to you, share it with a friend. 'Cause listen, y'all, we all need to learn how to give ourselves grace. All right, I'll see you next week.