Chrystal Hurst advises on loving a jealous friend: celebrate their strengths, encourage gratitude, set boundaries about how their jealousy affects you, and refuse to dim your own light. Helping them is not an endless duty.
Hi there, it's Chrystal Hurst and it's another Ask Me Anything. Natalia wants to know, how do you genuinely love a friend who struggles with comparison and jealousy, meaning they're jealous of you? Okay, well, first of all, it's alright if they're jealous of you because it's their problem, not your problem. Jealousy and an unhealthy level of comparison, because we all do it. But doing it too much all the time where it's getting in the way of your friendship and relationship, that's a, a fruit of insecurity in your friend. So while it's her problem, and I don't want you to stress out about her problem, I also know that it affects you. So here are some practical things that you can do when your friend is comparing herself to you or is jealous of you. First of all, be a friend to her by celebrating what's right in her. She may not see what's right in her. She may not even know how to celebrate what's right in her. If you're a friend, do that. You might call out some things that she doesn't even see. When we're grateful about what we like about our lives, we like about our experiences, our looks, our bodies, we appreciate what God has given to us, it puts us in a position where it's harder to be jealous of what someone else has, 'cause we're appreciative of what God has given us. So you being her cheerleader might be helpful. It's not your ongoing responsibility, but if you're her friend, it might be helpful. Remember that while this is not about you, it does involve you. If at the level at which it involves you is unhealthy for you, then just tell her that. Say, "Listen, I love you, but I realize that there's this jealous comparison thing that makes it hard because I don't want to maybe share what's going on in my life." It's a barrier to us actually being— as good of friends as we could be, and I don't want it to be. Tell her what the struggle is. The last thing is, I don't want the shade that your friend may be throwing your way to distract you from the light of God in you and on you. Don't let anybody rain on your parade, and don't dim your life so that the light is not too bright for the people who are around you. God has created you to live your life to the fullness of who He's created you to be. And if you have a friend or two that are comparing themselves to you or are jealous of you because of that, don't let that get in your way of honoring God with your life. Do you have a question? Go to ChrystalEvansHurst.com/AskMeAnything.
