Chrystal Hurst advises someone whose spouse won't fight for their marriage. She recommends four steps: pray persistently, seek wise counsel from mentors, find people who actively support the marriage, and exercise personal agency guided by biblical wisdom.
Hi there, it's Chrystal Hurst, and it's another Ask Me Anything. Sean wants to know, how do I fight for my marriage if I'm the only one trying to salvage the relationship? Listen, let me just first of all just say this: it takes two. That said, that doesn't mean you can't be the one who does as much fighting as you know how. I don't want to I don't want to trivialize your situation, and I don't want to make this sound too basic. However, there's this one basic thing that can make so much of a difference. If not in your situation, it will make a difference in you. Are you praying for your marriage? Are you praying for your spouse? Are you praying for your pain? Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray. The Bible says that the heart of a king is in the hands of God. If the heart of a king is in the hands of God, where do you think the heart of your husband is? Pray and let God do what your words and your behaviors may not be able to do. I'll never forget Beth Moore said, and she was actually quoting my daddy, but I didn't hear it until Beth Moore said it, "Sometimes I just need to duck down and get on my knees and pray so when God swings to take care of my husband, He doesn't hit me." Stay on your knees and pray. Don't belittle what a praying woman and the power of a praying woman, what it can do in a marriage where you think all is lost. The second thing is pursue wise counsel because sometimes you don't know what to do. You've never been in the situation before. Do I stay? Do I go? Do I ignore his words or are his words verbal abuse? Like, at what point is it not good for me to be here and at what point do I need to fight? Not in the same place. You need wise counsel to give you guidance on that, so pursue that. Sometimes wise counsel is going to be a partner. It's somebody that's a peer that's walking with you and it's just a sounding board. Sometimes that person is a pacer. They're a little a little bit further ahead of you on the journey. Maybe they had a rough patch in their marriage and now they've lived to tell about it. Their marriage is intact and they want to encourage you. Or they've had a rough patch and it ended in separation or divorce and they have something to say to you too. And then lastly, you want to look for people who are promoters. They are in your life not because you have their phone number necessarily, but because you know where to go get them. That could be a counselor, that could be a pastor, but they have the desire to cheerlead you on in the life that God wants you to live. And that involves pouring into you, into your marriage conversation? Who in your life are you pursuing that gives you wise counsel? Not their opinion, but biblically-based wise counsel. Don't be ashamed to say what's going on and pursue wise counsel. The last thing is, I want to let you know, you have the power to choose. Just like your husband is God's son, you are God's daughter. Uh, operate in making many difficult decisions with people that are speaking biblical wisdom into your life. That it's okay for you to exercise the power that you have as God's girl to live the life He wants you to live. Do you have a question? Go to ChrystalEvansHurst.com/AskMeAnything.
