How to Level Up Your Life

Do you ever feel like you are repeating the same cycles over and over in your life? Listen, I felt like that a time or two, and it is time, let me tell you, to level it up. Hi, my name is Chrystal Hurst, and if you're joining me for the first time on YouTube or Facebook, I wanna say welcome to the Sister Circle Podcast. I am here every week sharing content. Actually, every week I share the content first in the Inner Circle. That is a membership for women who want more of what they see on the podcast or on YouTube or Facebook. They want more of that. They wanna work on their lives. They want me and other women to help coach them through life, mentor them through life, give them information they can use so that they can live their life well. And because we wanna do that, we show up most Mondays to have a live conversation. What you're getting right now is the buttoned-up, edited, put-together version of Chrystal Hurst, but there has been at this point a whole hour and some of fun and foolery as we gather together every week to have a good time and to talk about all the things that need discussing. But we put the buttoned-up, edited version of the podcast for you here. So I hope you enjoy it. Make sure you subscribe to the channel on YouTube or that you're following me on Facebook so that whenever we share a new video or whenever I happen to go live, because Every now and then I'll just jump on, try to aim for first Mondays also for a live with everybody. And you don't wanna miss those. You don't, because they're the best. I like having fun with y'all. Listen, the other thing I want you to know is that if you are not on my email list, that is the other way to make sure you don't miss a thing. Go to chrystalhurst.com and right below my picture, you will see a box for your first name and your email, and that way you won't miss anything in the future. But I am here to talk to you about how to level up your life. And one of the biggest things that will get in the way of you leveling up your life is that you never quite get out of a pattern of circling, doing the same thing over and over again, not realizing the patterns that exist in your life or the pitfalls that are waiting for you at every course and turn. One of the things that I now believe is that it is possible for anybody to change. It is possible. Behavioral changes are possible. Changing your thought patterns are possible. Uh, changing your spiritual life and your connection with God is possible. Changing relationships can make a lot of things different in your life, and that's possible. Changing your financial status is possible. But at the core of who you are— listen, at the core of who you are, not a lot changes. So even if, let's say, as a person of faith, right, you're trying to get better, you're trying to operate with a higher level of thinking because you've gone to school, you're trying to change the way you see the world because you up-level in your relationships, right? These are things that you learn on top of the core of you. So basically what you add in your life are glasses. Glasses, right? I can have a nearsighted diagnosis and get glasses and then see well every day. But my ability to see well every day is because I have chosen to get glasses. The thing that was the way it was in me has been corrected, and I'm operating correctly. But I'm still naturally nearsighted. In my case, about 20 years ago— has it been 20 doggone years? Good grief. 20 years ago, I went and got me some LASIK. I said, "Laser this, laser this." Zzz. I was afraid I would come out of there blind and never be able to see again. But ultimately they corrected it. They corrected a problem it wouldn't have corrected on its own. And I've been seeing mostly clearly ever since. But I had to have something external to me change something internal for there to actually be a change. In your soul, while your soul can be healthy, your soul can be rich, your soul can be loved, your soul could be connected with God, right? The core of you has to have perspective changes, grid changes, relational changes, circumstantial changes in order to operate correctly. That's why you can find yourself falling back into old patterns of thinking, falling back into old patterns of emotional, uh, unhealthiness, falling back into old patterns of relationships. So if you meet a man and you're like, I've seen this before, I know this, right? This is your perspective, your grid checking your soul, because you're kind of sort of still attracted to the same guy. Have you ever wondered why you keep getting attracted to the same guy over and over again and falling into the same patterns? Because even when you are 5 years down the line from the last relationship, 10 years down the line from the last relationship, you still find yourself attracted. Or every year you start with a new plan, start with a new plan. You get a new planner and you say, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna be— this is gonna be the best school year ever. I'm, I'm gonna make A's in all my classes. I'm gonna have the best study routine. And you get the new planner and you start out strong and And you have a rhythm and then you start slipping back into old patterns. So yes, can you make behavioral changes? Can you find new rhythms? Can you develop new habits? But the soul of you, there's always gonna be this leaning to the way you're wired, the way you wanna do things, the way you wanna show up. And so leveling up in your life requires this one thing. It requires a lot of things, but it requires this one thing that I wanna talk to you about today, and that is recognizing your cycles, that there are modes of operation that you have, things that you lean towards, um, things that you are inclined to, ways of thinking, ways of operating, ways of talking, ways of engaging with other people, right? And you have to learn to put pillars in your life that keep you structured. One of the things I've told my children when they go to college is they have to work. My hope is that they don't have to work a lot. My hope is that they don't have to work to pay for school. But even if you have a free ride, and even if you are able to have from savings prior to school, as you've worked, pay for your school books. I want you to work. Why? Because if you go to school and all of a sudden you have all this free time, you need something in your life that creates pillars of structure so you don't have all the time in the world. Because what you'll do is you'll bend towards freedom, and you'll say, I have all the time in the world, and you won't necessarily use your time well. Um, and so I think it creates responsibility for you to have to work, and then gradually as you go to school, for you to become more and more responsible for the extras. Okay, so this semester I'll paying for half your books. Next year, maybe you're paying for all your books. Whatever the case may be, pillars help you to avoid the pitfalls of your life that you may not see in your path, but that you have the habit or the history of always falling into. Think about the school year, right? One of the things I've learned as a homeschool mom is you will learn certain things multiple times, at least 3 times, maybe 4, before you graduate. Think about how many times you had American history, and in order for you to learn it well, you had cycle through it in your early elementary, you cycle through it in your late elementary, you cycle through it at least once in high school. So at least 3 times you cycled through American history. And why? Because your teachers knew you weren't going to get it all the first time, and you needed to learn that topic with levels of depth based on your level of maturity. This is what happens in your life. You're going to learn things in cycles, and by the time it clicks for you, by the time it clicks for you, you're going to realize this is not the first time I've seen this. Okay, so let me tell you, when I was 29 years old— and this is not supposed to just be about boys, but this is another illustration about boys— when I was 29 years old, I had been in this cycle with a young man in my life. And I was 29 when I realized I have seen this before. Like, this is not new. We have been here before. And do I want to do that again? No, I don't want to do that again. But it took me going through cycles for me to say, oh wait, there's a cycle here. There's a cycle here, so I, I, and I don't want to keep living in this cycle. So in order for me to live outside of the cycle, since I see what my soul leans towards, I have to choose a different path. I need to develop a different perspective. I need to have a different grid because otherwise I'm going to keep falling into the same pit on the same path. Leveling up requires that you recognize the pit on the path of life that you're walking down and that you develop a new perspective about how to avoid that problem. What it means is you have to see your cycles, and then you have to be honest about the pits you keep falling into. And then you say, what are the pillars in my life that are going to help me to avoid this in the future? For many of us, the pillars in our life when it comes to relationships with men have to be that we are vulnerable and willing to be seen and known, to say to friends we trust or mentors in our life, you need to meet him because you need to tell me if he's okay. You need to help me see if I'm missing anything. The pillars in our life when we were in school, right, the way you know that you are mastering the material is that you have a teacher who grades and who says you, you passed or you failed, you made an A or a B, you studied and you got the lesson or you didn't. There was a measurement outside of you to tell you if you were reaching the level that you needed to reach, right? The reason why you go to the doctor is because in order to make sure that your body is operating at its highest level possible, you need things to be measured. You need your blood work done, they listen to your heart, they talk to you about how you're doing, they look at your weight on the scale, they talk to you about your A1C and about your blood pressure. They want to hear your heart and hear your breathing so they can say— outside of you, someone outside of you has to say, how are you going to make sure you're healthy? So whether we're talking about your health of mind, your health of body, your health of spirit, this is why vulnerability— and our special guest in the Inner Circle during the month of June was Shandria Riddick. She talked about shame and guilt, and she said the only way for you to move beyond shame and guilt, the only, the only, uh, fix. The only medicine ball for shame and guilt, the only way out, is vulnerability and authenticity and community. For you to level up in your spirit, in the spirit realm, you're going to have to place yourself in a place of vulnerability with other people who believe like you do and say, listen, girl, listen, I know this is hard with your husband, but let me tell you the truth. I know that this is hard with your children, but let me tell you to stay faithful. I know this is hard on your job, but don't quit. Quit quitting. The jobs. You're only going to get where you're going to get if you level up and go through this cycle. Every July, uh, I have a problem. I hate to claim that. I'm only claiming that because I've seen it before I realized it was a cycle. So now I've decided to level up in my life by being buffeted and prayed for in July. So that has taught me, I realize that there's a certain season of my life in every year that there are certain things that come around. I would always have relationship drama at a certain time of year. Right? Just think about how you go to school. There is a rhythm to you learning. Every August, you're kind of excited. I get new stuff. And then I need a break. You know, then we come back at the beginning of the year. And then somewhere around April, we're done. And there's this rhythm of rolling through your year. And there are educators who build curriculum knowing these cycles. We know that this particular content is going to be taught at the time of year when they are running into Christmas. So you're going to have all of these reviews and all— I mean, it's built around the cycle. You have to know your cycles. You have to look at your life and say, where has something come to me over and over again? Whether it's a time of year, whether it's a time of the month, whether it's a season that every time I get on a job, about that 2 and a half year mark, I'm done. There are cycles in your life, and if you will look, you will find them. And one of the best ways to level up your life is to know where the enemy is coming for you, to know when the season is changing, to know how you can be prepared. Like, many of us know this in our relationship relationship with our friends, our boyfriends, our spouses. When it's that time of the month, you need to give them warning. You need to tell them. And some of them don't need a warning, they already know. Don't you hate it when somebody in your life can tell you when it's your time of the month to remind yourself that you are fertile and wonderfully made, and they know it before you know it because they look at your stuff and you're all over the place, your attitude is bad, you're crying, you can't keep yourself together. They can see it. Well, if they can see it, you need to be able to see your own stuff. And one of the best ways to level up in your life is to see the cycle before the cycle comes again and to be prepared. It's to see the pit in the path that you have to traverse every day, every month, every year, and to know what perspective you need to develop to avoid it. You are not that unique. What do I mean by that? I tell you all the time that you're uniquely and fearfully and wonderfully and masterfully and wonderfully made. That is true. But the problems that you're having in your life are not that unique. You are not the first person to have struggles in your marriage. You are not the first person to have stopped your degree and not have started it again yet. You are not the first person to struggle with going up and down the scale. You are not the first person to struggle with not getting the promotion that you thought. You are not the first person to struggle with not being able to get your finances together. You are not the first person to struggle with getting your mental wellness right. You're not the first. But the way to future-proof your cycles is to recognize and acknowledge and be honest that you even have them. You have cycles. And to know what problem is coming helps you to be prepared. I would love it when my teachers would give me a study guide. And on that study guide, they would say, "If you do the study guide, you'll be prepared for the test." And sure enough, if you did the study guide and made sure if you understood it, the problems on the test may be different, but you were prepared. Some of us have done this when we studied for our SATs, or maybe you're old enough to have children who have studied for the SATs and you pay for the classes. The main thing about studying for the SAT, yes, there is some learning about how the tests are driven and how the answers are wired and all these. Mostly the best way to study for the SAT is to take a bunch of old tests. That's the best way to study for the SAT. Because if you study the old tests, you see the pattern and you recognize your own leaning in the pattern. I studied for the CPA exam years ago. My friend and I were just talking about that today. And y'all, the main part was studying the old tests. And then when I sat down and took the CPA exam, even though the numbers were different, I knew where they were going. So it helped me to work faster. It helped me to work smarter. It helped me to level up. The great thing about life is that every season of your life, you get to acknowledge who you are in those seasons and recognize what the season brings, positive or negative, and decide how you will meet that. Will you meet it knowing what the pitfall is and prepared? Will you meet it knowing that what the pitfall is and just saying, well, I'll deal with that when I get there, and then you wonder when you fall in again, I can't believe I fell in here again. What are your pitfalls? And your ability to review your old tests will set you up for success when the next test comes. Because the way that life is set up is it comes in waves, it comes in cycles. And the core of you, even if you can level up the core of you, the core of you at its core, at its rudimentary base, really doesn't change. What you get better at is the layers of perspectives, the grids of goodness. You get better at wisdom. You get better at wisdom or the opportunity to use the wisdom that you have. This is why it's so important. Um, one of the things I've loved about homeschooling is taught me a lot about education. And so one of the things that you do when your children are younger is you teach them things that they don't really understand. They don't even know that they need to use, but you give them pegs of information later to hang understanding on. When you are in the third grade, I don't need you to necessarily understand how times tables work, or the second grade. It's great if we have the time to do all that, that's great. But if all you can do is by rote memory just recite them. We can work on understanding, but it gives you a tool to use later. If you can memorize the presidents when you're in the third— second or third grade, when you're in high school and studying government and economics and you're studying American history at the high school level, even if you have to refresh your memory, what you learned early on is ingrained in your memory. This is why it's so important to learn scriptures when you're young. You can learn them anytime, but they are deeply embedded when you learn them and you don't even know what the words mean when you're 3 and when you're 4 and when you're 5. My children did Awana for years. I learned the scriptures as they were learning the scriptures. And you know what? Now when we are talking, the scriptures roll off our tongues. And I say, what does the Bible say about that? They may not even be able to tell me where it is, but they can tell me what it says because it got embedded early. So whatever you learned early, right, it's a part of the cycle of your thinking. It's a part of the cycle of your soul. And it's positive or negative, it's a part of the level at which you will live your life. If you never saw money managed well, you probably will always struggle with money until you put a new perspective and grid on it. And then you may have this tendency to do this certain thing, and then you have to say, what are my pillars? A part of living life well is to know where you have embedded mental or soulful grooves that you keep angling towards, and to say, what are the bumpers that I need in my life in order to keep me on my path? What What are the things that I'm going to put in my life for accountability, for sustainability, that will keep me where I need to go? So when I tend towards a certain direction, I won't go, I can't go. And the work of life is knowing where you cycle in those cycles, what you tend towards, and putting up pillars. Being committed to not use credit cards if you can't handle it, to being committed. I have a bank account, y'all, that they don't have nothing. They don't have no Zelle. They don't have no— they have wiring because banks have to have that, y'all. There are not multiple branches. You want to know why? Because I know me. So I put the money over there and I can't get it out without a car trip and a teller with a bank. I need that money over there because I know me. I know me that as much as I know about money, I tend, I tend towards not watching it. And because I'm not watching it, I overspend. So the way for me to put up pillars is to to be committed to paying off my credit card at the end of the month, and then to put the money that I don't need to spend at all over there in that bank that there's no debit card for. I have to put up pillars. Pillars. I know me, and I know that I will get up in the morning and the first thing I check will be my phone. So I have to plug in my phone, or I have to get up out of the bed to go over there, because I know my tendency is to work, my tendency is to connect, my tendency is to check a box. So since that's where I normally bend If I know that that's not the best way for me to wake up every day, I have to put up pillars, a physical location that make it difficult to do that. Let me, let me keep this real for just a second. You want to level up in life and stop getting into relationships with people you have no business in being in relationships with, but you fall in love with them too fast? Let me give you a pillar, because sometimes— let me just keep it real right here— some of y'all are falling in love. You're not falling in love with him, you're falling in love with him in the bedroom. Him. Let me just keep that real. So the way to put the pillar up is that he can't come in. Listen, some of y'all will do the most. You sitting in the car, and I'm telling you because I've done it, you're sitting in the car trying to look up this scripture like, Lord, help me real quick before we go upstairs, just to help my soul to do right today. Honey, that is not going to help you. He can't come up. Or right before he comes over, you break open your Bible, say, Lord, help me. That's not a pillar. That's a— that's, that's problematic thinking. The point is you need pillars in your life. If I go bowling, a lot of the bowling alleys have the little bumpers because the children don't know how to throw the ball. They don't know how to spin the ball. They don't know how to, to bowl the ball. And so you put up these bumpers so that even when the ball tends to the right or tends to the left They can experience some modicum of success because there are pillars that force that ball to go down the path and to avoid the pitfalls, to stay on the straight and narrow. You will not level up your life. Let me say that in a positive way. The only way that you will level up in your life is if you see the cycles. Where do you keep falling into a pit? And if you are willing to put up the pillars in your life that will help you avoid the pit at whatever the cost. That you are willing to be seen, known, held accountable, be on a schedule, put things physically away from you. Because the way that you level up is going through the cycles first to see where you tend to fall, and then saying, this is what I'm committed to, and what do I need to stay committed. The reason why people pay for a coach or for a trainer— it's not— you can look up stuff on YouTube all the day. If you want to go to the gym, you can read the magazines, you can get the books, you can watch videos, you can join a class. The reason why they pay somebody is because I know if I paid somebody to meet me at the gym at 6 AM and I don't show, I just wasted my money. And that's a pillar to make sure that I don't start my workout program again and then not show up. Sometimes your cycles are thinking, so your pillar is that I need a therapist so that when I tend this way, they can stop me before I go too far. The way to level up your life if you've been in the same cycle is to first see the cycle and then say, this is a pit I keep falling into, but I'm on the same path because I keep coming around to that same hole in the ground again. And if I want to change it, I have to develop a new perspective. I got to do something different because at my core, I'm going to keep doing the same thing. Cycles are not inherently bad, okay? They're not inherently bad because cycles help you to see where you need a pillar. And the beauty— I mean, think about Jesus in the Bible when he told the disciples at one point, he said, have, have you been with me this long? Have I been with you this long and you still don't get it? Cycles. Peter over-promised and under-delivered. Jesus said, you're going to deny me 3 times. No, I'm not. Are you crazy? No, I'm not. Peter was always talking, running his mouth. Cycles. The cycle wasn't a bad thing. He actually needed to run his mouth. Gospel of Christ, right? What God has put in you to tend towards something, maybe something that's in you for a certain purpose, you just have to put pillars on it so that you can push forward. The way to level up your life, my friend, is to see the cycles. Look at your life. Where do you keep going? Uh, I can't believe I fell in here again. I can't believe I did this again. I can't believe I've— I'm here again. That's a cycle. See it for what it is. And if you feel the, uh, feeling, then it's a pit. And then you have to explore the path and say, what will help me put guardrails on my life since I keep running into this so I don't fall into this pit again. I don't want you— I don't want me to keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting to get a different result. We don't, we don't want to do that. Life is short. But you will, you will keep learning the same lessons over and over again until you realize I'm here again. So the way that what happens if you want to graduate, because I started out with school, so I want to use this euphemism, this illustration, to make this make sense. When you go through the school years and you learn American history 3 or 4 times, depending on the school district and what was required of you, leveling up doesn't mean the cycles don't come back again. It just means what, what's required of you is higher, it's more stringent. Because what happens is the cycles are going to come, but you get better. You get better. So here's what cycles mean for me. In the month of July, I am— I'm usually prepared. I mean, there are some things that catch me off guard, but I'm— but I'm usually— even when it catches me off guard, I know, I know, I know what this is for. I know that this is to challenge me, distract me, to, to drain me in a, in a month where I'm supposed to have joy and I'm supposed to celebrate and I'm supposed to encourage other people. Now more than ever, I feel like. So when the things come, I realize it's a pit. I realize that I can avoid it. I realize, okay, these are the pillars that I have. And what it does for me is makes me operate in more power, because I know, I know what it is. I don't have to be surprised. I don't have to be afraid. I don't have to worry about my life or the lives of other people that I love. I know it's just here to help me learn. I know that pit is just here to help me grow. I know that that pit is just here so I can grow in wisdom and understanding. I know that that pit is here to remind me of how I can help other people, to help them navigate their own pits. It helps me to walk in power because I'm not afraid. I just know there's something new for me to learn. You're in the second and third grade and your teacher says, we're going to learn all the presidents. All of them? There have been a million of them. When you're in high school Teacher says, "I want you to memorize the presidents." You don't wanna do it, but you know you can. Now in high school, you got other things to learn about. You gotta learn about, especially when you get in government, the different organizations of government and the executive branch and all the different branches of government, and then how the Senate works and how the House works and all these things that you did not learn in depth when you were in the second or third grade. It's the same topic on a different level. Cycles aren't bad. It's just that when you keep going through them with success, you level up. And when you level up, it makes you more powerful. Because what happens at 18? If you've learned your American history well, hopefully you can use what you've learned to help you understand enough about government so that you can vote. And then when you realize at 28 you still don't know enough to vote, you know enough because of the levels that you've been through to self-educate. You've learned enough to figure it out yourself, to go find the resources yourself, to know what you don't know in that cycle, and to go and seek your own development. It makes you powerful. Problems in life will come. You cannot live and life not be difficult at some level. But what I can tell you is that if you will see your cycles, where are you being asked to repeat to repeat the grade, to repeat the level. If you learn, and when that cycle comes back around, then you have the opportunity to level up. You don't have to keep dating the same guy. You don't have to keep having the same problems with money. You don't have to keep stopping and then starting over. You don't keep having to have failed marriages. You don't keep having to have an issue with your body. You don't keep having to have an issue with your mind. You don't keep having to start things and then stop them and then feel like, I can never finish things that I start. That does not have to be your story, but recognize the cycles. What typically happens, and then say, this is the pit. What's the new perspective that will help me to experience power on this path? So this is me telling you to recognize your cycles. I would love for you in the comments to tell me, where do you see cycles in your life? Where do you always struggle? And what pillars you think in your life would be helpful to and not falling back into that pit again. And don't worry about needing a pillar. We all need pillars. We all need things in our life that will keep us on track and on the right path. The key is to recognize what you need and to put it in place. Now, this is me telling you it's time for you to level up. Life is short. Don't waste time. And know that when you do what you'll be building each and every day that you choose to level up avoid the pit, and walk in power, you'll be choosing every day in small ways to live a life that you love. This video has been helpful to you. Be sure and share it with a friend. Don't forget to like it, subscribe, or follow me on Facebook so that way when the next one comes out, you'll be here to see it. And I will see you next time. Bye.