How to Make Room for Friends in Busy Seasons with Chrystal Evans Hurst
In this solo video, Chrystal Evans Hurst encourages viewers—primarily Christian women—to view friendship as a God‑given gift and to intentionally carve out time for deep, faith‑centered relationships despite busy seasons. She opens by explaining that community reflects the triune nature of God and that friendship provides safety, encouragement, and spiritual growth. Recognizing that time constraints are the biggest barrier, she urges listeners to prioritize friendships like any other major life commitment, using concrete tactics such as scheduling recurring meet‑ups, blocking calendar time, integrating conversations into daily routines (e.g., phone calls while doing dishes), and setting clear, written plans. Hurst introduces a “5‑friend assessment” to help viewers evaluate the health of their closest relationships and to identify where intentional effort is needed. She also teaches how to read subtle cues from friends—texts, comments, or passive‑aggressive behavior—that signal a desire for connection, and she advises taking the initiative to reach out. Throughout, she shares personal anecdotes (her long‑term “tribe,” a friend living in an RV, breakfast meet‑ups) and references biblical examples (Jonathan and David) to illustrate the spiritual value of friendship. The video concludes with a call to action: join her Inner Circle community course starting November 1, which offers a 21‑day program to build a “sister circle,” and she invites viewers to comment on their own friendship status and to apply the practical steps she outlined.
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Hey there. Have you ever wondered how in the world with your busy life you can make time for really deep, good, solid friendship? Well, I think I have a pretty busy life and I've learned a thing or two about how to make room. Can't wait to talk to you about it. Chrystal Evans Hurst. If it's your first time here, because it's always somebody's first time, welcome. Be sure and let me know in the comments that you're here. I'd love to meet you. I am here because every week I'm actually live with my inner circle sharing content and the overflow of that content gets shared here with you. I am really excited about the opportunity to talk about friendship. Why? Because part of the reason why we even have an inner circle membership is because people will tell me, Chrystal, I can't find my people. I can't find people that love Jesus and are wanting to meet their goals or that love Jesus and want to be good in their marriage or that love Jesus and they want to understand how to be emotionally emotionally and mentally well. Like, can we live our best practical lives in community? And so the Inner Circle exists to help us find community online, to talk about real life issues in the light of faith. And friendship though, in your real life, even if you have friends online, it matters. Like, it matters that somebody knows where you live, and it matters that somebody knows if you haven't been to church. It matters if somebody hasn't talked to you in a while, and if they haven't talked to you, they can just show up on your front doorstep and knock on the door. Ask me how I know. I want you to experience real deep life-changing friendship, but I know one of the biggest barriers to experiencing this type of relationship is time. So I wanted to talk to you a little bit about how you can make time, how you can prioritize, and how you can make room for something that is going to be so important and significant in your life. The first thing you need to understand is that friendship the idea of being someone's friend, acquaintance, or super, super close confidant. This is a gift from God. Community is a gift from God. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit exist the three in one. God himself is a God of community, and he wants you to be known. Remember back in the garden with Adam and Eve when they realized that they'd sinned? The first thing that they did was hide themselves. Because when they were originally created in pure innocence and perfection, being known was a part of intimacy. Being known was a part of being seen and being cared for. And the first thing that they did when they realized that they had hurt themselves and hurt God in the process with their disobedience was they covered up. Community is the idea of being known, and friendship is the space in which you can show up, when somebody knows your name, not only are they willing to cackle with you, have a good time with you, take a trip with you, but they're also willing to call out and speak truth in your life when needed. They have permission to do that. Friendship is a gift from God. I talked about this idea of friendship and community in my podcast with Jenny Allen. I'll make sure that the link to that is in the show notes here, because if you didn't catch that, you totally should watch it. Um, I also talked to Tammy Franklin about the idea of building healthy friendships, and she, along with with, like, 8 of her friends talk to me at one time about what they do to make room for friendship. So this idea of friendship, and if you have to work to experience and celebrate the gift of friendship in your life— listen, those are 2 people who believe in friendship who in their own lives have had to make the effort to be intentional about it. There's something about having a friend that just gets you. Like, have you ever been in a room with someone where something happens and you can look across the room and make eye contact and you don't have to say anything and they don't have to say anything, but you both know that you both noticed what happened. That is a really cool thing. It's like communicating without words. And when someone gets to know you, they have the ability to do that for you and you have the ability to do that for them. Friendship creates a space of safety. Someone who has your back when everybody else or the world is against you, the one person that's going to cheerlead you, support you, encouragement. That is safety. I'm safe with you. The right friendships will and can stand the test of time, and it's a gift to have a friendship over the long haul. There's a group of friends that I have that we have been friends to varying degrees because there's 9 of us in there, and so like these 2 were friends before these 3 were friends, but eventually we all decided we're all friends. And so there are many friendships inside the big friendship, but we call each other the tribe. And the reason why we're a tribe is because no less than 30 years have we known each other. We've known each other at least 30 years. Some of us in there, and I'm telling on myself, have known each other for closer to 40. It is a gift to be able to, in varying seasons of your life, revisit your friendship. You may not have talked in a year, but when you finally do talk, you catch up. Friendships can be, um, a place or a resource because a good friend can bring out the best in you. People that know you can challenge you to bring your best to the table. If you come to a friend and you're like, listen, I don't know if I'm going to get that promotion, a good friend will charge you up. What do you mean? You've been working there for 10 years. You know just as much as anybody else does. You have the degree, you have the chops. They'll charge you up and support you. So I want you to understand that friendship is worth making time for simply because it's a gift. And what good gifts would we not want to make time for? Jonathan and David are an example in the Bible of good friendship. In 1 Samuel 18:1-3, the Bible says, as soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and David— and Jonathan, rather— loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father's house. They made a covenant together because they loved each other with a soul love. Friendships are an essential part of your spiritual DNA. That's what you need to understand. It's good for you. You're designed for it. It's worth your effort because God created you for deep connections. So you have to recognize that it's something worth making time for, because if you don't think it's worth making time for, you won't make the time. Relationship should be considered one of the big rocks of your life. Now, I know your husband comes first and your children come first. I get it. I know you got to work. 7, 8, 9, 10 hours a day sometimes. I understand. I know that you're supposed to get sleep and your bed is calling you some nights. I get it. And I know that on a Saturday morning, what you want to do is whatever you want to do. But if you believe that friendship is a gift, and if you believe that it is— you are designed for it and it's designed to serve you, anything else that you think is important, you'll make room for. So I want to challenge you to be willing to go the distance. Like don't just say, well, you know, I'll talk to her sometime. If it's a friendship that is valuable to you, make the time, put it on your calendar, reach out and let them know that you care. Some friends, um, you can just pick up where you left off, and I have some friends like that. Some friendships, you need to invest in them regularly and consistently in order to have the reservoir that you need to be absent from it for 6 or 12 months and come back to it. If you have felt like, I can't make good friends, I'm struggling to maintain friendships, the question I want you to ask yourself is, have you invested? Have you been willing to go the distance? And what do I mean by that? Well, I want you to not— first of all, as Helen Rees, a Christian writer, says, I don't want you to relegate the friendships of your life to your mental someday list. I need you to make concrete plans, create concrete plans to spend with friends. So I want you to have an idea in your life of maybe the standing meetup. Maybe you have a standing once a month coffee, or maybe it's once a quarter. It doesn't have to be lunch. Y'all don't have to go to the mall and spend 4 hours together. You can put a time frame on it. Maybe it's every Friday morning when your husband is home and when your children are asleep. You meet at the coffee shop at 5:30, and at 6:30 you can both leave. You can go home to prepare for your family that day. She go home and shower and get ready for work. So whether it's every month, every quarter, every half a year, semi-annually, decide how frequently you need to invest in that friendship and put it on your calendar. I want you to safeguard that time because I, I know you're going to put it on your calendar and something's going to come up. If your friendship matters, then just like you wouldn't miss a flight because you planned for it to your vacation or your honeymoon, um, you put this on the calendar. And you build your life around it. You have to decide that it's important enough to prioritize. When you are one day on your, um, deathbed, you will not care that much about how much money you made. You won't care that much about the promotions you got. You won't care that much about how much stuff is in your house. You will care about relationships. You will care about your husband, your kids, but you will care about your friends, the people that knew your life and were a witness to your story. The people for whom you were the same, that when you are in your most dire situations, that there are people who will come see about you. And a part of your friendships are people you'll come see about too. That level of friendship requires intentionality, some planning, some concrete decisions. So put those things on the calendar. If you're going to meet with your small group, put it on the calendar. If you know your sister, but y'all never actually have time to chat it out, put it on the calendar. Hey girl, 9 o'clock every Thursday night when our kids go to bed, me and you, I really want to be intentional about our friendship. I know that you're going to have to eliminate distractions. You might have to meet somewhere else, go to a restaurant, as I mentioned, like a coffee shop. You're going to have to put your phone away because if it buzzes, you're going to want to pick it up. You're going to have to put it on do not disturb and maybe only a call from an emergency contact can get through. Anything non-emergency needs to sit to the side, because I'm telling you, if you don't do that, you and your friend will be together at a new restaurant, both on your phone. Not everything is within your control, and I do realize that you're gonna have to be flexible. But what I want you to do, and what I hope you're getting from the sound of my voice, is the level of intentionality that you're putting with this, that you decide to do it, that you plan to do it, and that when you have a plan, you commit to doing it and put other things on the side if need be. I have a friend right now. If you've been around for a while, you know who she is. It's Shelley. She literally is living her whole life right now in an RV. And last night she was here. Here's the deal though. She was here a few nights ago. She asked, could she park at my house? I said yes. And I was busy. She knew that she wasn't expecting anything from me. But last night it occurred to me, my best friend in the whole wide world is parked out in front of my front door. Why am I not spending time with her? And I walked out front. Hey y'all, so I know you're in the middle of this, this video on friendship. It's the middle of the night, y'all, and I'm in Michelle's house, her RV. Hey, you know anything about Shelly? She lives in— she likes living. And we in here both looking a mess. We both tired. Okay, but you know what? This is friendship. It's late at night. My family's inside. I'm out here playing around and her man— I'm supposed to be in the bed. Right. Y'all, but so many people tell me, I need friends. We've been friends since we were 17. Yeah. We have loved each other, fought each other, been mad at each other, given each other the silent treatment, laughed till we peed on ourselves. You name it. Shut up. We've done it. I want you to know how to build friendships and your own sister circle. And if you know what to do and you're not doing it, what you waiting on? But if you need some help, Inner Circle, our community course, is coming up. It starts November 1st. It's 21 days to building your sister circle. Because listen, y'all, I'm in here. Listen, I done ate. I done ate food. I done had my Izzy. She done had her pizza. Oh, I had a slice of pizza. She had her pizza over here. Here. Yeah, this is it. This is it. Middle of the night foolery and shenanigans. Yes. And if you need to build your circle, you have to do it with intention, right? Absolutely. And if you don't know how, or if you need a refresher, you want to build friendships or deepen the ones you have, I want to help. So join me on the inside for the Inner Circle. We start November 1st. But I have another friend that's in that same tribe group And she and I, we go to breakfast. We find a new breakfast place. We do this twice a year and it is for deep conversation, meaningful conversation. Have there been some years where I've missed it? Yes. But here's the deal. When we focus on it and find that space to meet, something changes as a result of our meeting. We kind of challenge each other. Girl, so you said the last time, and we write it down. You said the last time you were going to do XYZ. How is that going? And I'm like, oh my gosh, you actually asked me about that. Her remembering and being intentional to write it down just in her contacts on her phone, in the notes, this is what I talked to Chrystal Hurst about. The fact that she asks me about it and challenges me about it, it puts it back in the front of my mind. So when I get up and I leave that meeting with that friend, guess what I do? I accomplish things. I check things off the list. And that Friendship spurred me forward. I do the same for her. So I want you to incorporate meetups into the regular rhythm of your life. You don't have to go out, you don't have to spend money. You could say, when I get home from work, or while I'm sitting in the car waiting on a child to finish with basketball practice, or maybe I get to work a little early. It could be anything. I want you to prioritize maybe even talking on the phone in the car. That when I get to work, I get to work 15 minutes early every Wednesday so I can talk to my friend before she goes to work. Before she and I go to work. It could be that simple. You can talk to friends while doing the dishes, 'cause Lord knows you don't wanna do 'em. It'll help pass the time, and your children don't wanna do 'em. So guess what they do? Hide from you. That's the perfect time for you to talk on the phone then too. The goal is to be a witness to someone else's life, to be in a collaborative group, maybe to have playdates with your kids, early morning dates, family gatherings while the boys, your sons and your husband watch football, that you and your friends sit at the kitchen table and on a Sunday afternoon, get caught up, cook together, walk together, fold laundry together while you're watching TV. But you can put a friend, a meetup with a friend in the middle of your life. Yes, go out to eat. Yes, to coffee. But while you're watching, washing your clothes and folding laundry after that, meet with your friend. Then you won't regret investing the time. Make room for what matters most. All right. So I've already told you that friendship is a gift. And I've already told you that you need to sometimes reprioritize for what really matters and what's important in your life. And making room for people will require prioritization in your life. But here's the other thing I want to tell you. I want to tell you that you need to learn how to read between the lines. Sometimes a friend will be communicating with you that they want time with you without really saying that, because we have not really been conditioned to say, I need time with you, Sally. Because it's like weird to say that. We want to reserve that for the boyfriend, girlfriend, husband thing. I need time with you. It's okay for you to tell your friends that, but we don't often do that. There'll be cues. Girl, you've been so busy. I know you're busy, but just let me know when you have time. I'd love to talk. Girl, I was thinking about you the other day when I knew I was by your house, but I knew you probably had your hands full, so I didn't stop by. I haven't seen you in a while after church, but I know that you have to get to this, this, that, and the other. Or a text, I'm thinking about you. Maybe they're not really thinking about you. Maybe they're thinking about the fact that they want to talk to you, but they don't want to bug you. Learn to read the signals. Who in your life is telling you that you're on their mind, or that they'd like time with you, or that they like to talk to you, but they're not actually saying that? And maybe that's the same for you. You end up telling people, girl, I'm thinking about you today, because really you just want to take them to coffee and sit sit there for 90 minutes and talk. Read your own lines. Where are you craving friendship? Where are other people craving investment in friendship with you? And use that to generate the conversation. There may be friends who are passively expressing frustration or anger with you because what they really want is you and they can't get you. Um, you know, passive-aggressive behavior is a whole thing, but ask the question, Why? Where is that coming from? And it may or may not be your responsibility, but maybe if it's a dear friend, it should be. What do friends say to you when you have to cancel? Ugh, not again. Or I miss when we used to. Or it would be so good if you actually had the bandwidth for. Those are lines. Learn to read between them. Now, everybody who cries wolf is not somebody that you have to save. Now you get to decide. But maybe some of your best, dearest, and truest friendships could be built with people who are already telling you they want more. Consider that. Maybe the friendship that you crave is already right around you and you just haven't been paying attention to the signs your people are sending you. Or what about your statements that you need to read between the lines? Maybe you're feeling off. Maybe you're off because you haven't vented to anybody in a while. Maybe you're feeling off because you just need to stop being the person who's taking care of everybody else and let a friend take care of you. Maybe if you have a sense of discomfort about your life, and I'm quoting myself here, y'all, this is a gift. What if your discomfort is a signal that something needs to change? I don't know about you, but in my marriage to my husband, I have learned to read him. I know when he needs more time with me, or I know when he needs to vent about something or share something with— I've learned to read him. What if your friends are talking to you and you're not reading between the lines? What if you've actually been talking to your friends and you need to say what it is that you really mean? Friendship is worth investing in. It's a gift. Friendship is going to require you to reprioritize and honestly, sometimes to make time for yourself with your people or your people with you, you're going to have to read between the lines. I want you to show initiative. By taking the temperature of your friendships. Right now, I want you to think of the 5 closest friends that you have, and what is the state or the status of your relationship? Is it in a good place? Are y'all not in a good place and you know it, but you just haven't had time? Is there distance and you've been trying to figure that out? And maybe what they need is time with you, or maybe the reason why you've pushed them away is because you tried for time with them before and they didn't give it. Maybe you just need to speak clearly and be the one to go first. Think about your 5 friends, the best ones, the closest ones, the most meaningful ones. What is the state of your relationship? Are you in an excellent place and you all are reading each other's lines and you're spending time together and it's regular and intentional? Are you at the bottom? No real friends that you feel intentional about, but there are people that you would say they're friends. There's just no intentionality. Think about those 5 friends and where they are on a scale of 1 to 5. Are we good or we not good and I know it? Maybe you're just lukewarm on 3. You talk to them, but y'all don't talk about nothing. Like they don't really know what's going on in your life. What if you told them, hey, you're one of my best friends and I want to be intentional about my friendships. I want to meet with you more frequently, talk to you. I want us to go out, watch the movies. I want us to go to coffee, talk on the phone. I just want to be a witness to your life. And I want you to be a deeper witness towards mine. What if we just were through the front door and then willing to make room? If you were willing to make room for relationship, here's what I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, without any hesitation or any question at all. Your friendships will give your life more dimension. Your friendships will give you a deeper well of love, encouragement, and support. Your friendships will be an excellent mirror that shows you who you are in the best and worst of who you are. And your friendships will be a gift from God himself. And what you will find is receiving friendship from others, that's not even as good as you knowing that you've been a good friend to someone you love. So I want you to think about your 5 friends, but I also want you to think about this: how have you been making time or not been making time for your people? How has not making time with your people affected you? How have you seen it affect them? How has not prioritizing relationship had a negative impact on your life? So think about your 5 people and what's the state of your relationship. Think about whether or not you're making time, and if you're not, how is that impacting your friendships? How do you feel when a friend makes time for you? Those are the questions, y'all, and I want you to answer me about those questions in the comments. But I don't want to stop there. As a result of you watching this video, you now are in the know. You now have been taught. You now have been trained. Chrystal Hurst dropped the friendship bomb on your whole life. And guess what I want you to do about that? I want you to be the one to reach out, reach out to some individual or individuals within your friend group. I want you to be the one who sets up the time to connect. And I want you to be the one who discusses what consistency you would like. And I want you to be the one who determines Whatever needs to change, and it's not about them, it's about you. Lead with the word I, not with the word you. I would really like more time with you. I would really like to be more intentional. Like, we're great friends, but we never pray for each other, and I would like prayer to be an important part of our friendship. I want to know what's going on in your life. I want to know when you're off based on your nonverbals. I want to be able to encourage you. I want us to read a book together. I want us to go on vacation together. It's all about you. And you're inviting them into the deeper dive of intentionality. You want to reevaluate and recalibrate on your friendships every 90 days. Take a look around. How am I doing? Am I being a good friend? Do I need something from the people that love me? You be the person who implements the change. From this conversation, think about your 5 friends. Think about how not being intentional impacts your life. Think about how it makes you feel when you show up for other people that you show up for. And with all of that swirling around in your mind, you find somebody and you be the friend that you need someone else to be to you. Here's what I can promise you. If you will prioritize the investment in relationship, phone call, washing dishes, coffee shop, dinner, a vacation, a meeting after church, girl, after church, we gonna sit there for 15 minutes and get caught up. I don't care what it is. When you decide to prioritize, to name what you need, and then go after it, you will notice things changing in your life. Why? Because community is a gift, and this is how God operates. There are some God ideas you're not going to get unless you spend time with your friends. There is some relief that you trying to get, and you've been going around— listen, you tried this counselor, didn't work. You tried that counselor, didn't work. And I believe that you should go to counseling if you need it. But sometimes if you would just make an appointment with your good friend or friends, You just need to exhale, and once you exhale and get it all out of your system, you'll have peace. Sometimes you need your friend to be your therapist, to give them all the things that your friends can't handle. And you always have an appointment with that one, don't you? Why? Because it's valuable, and you know that. What if your friends were valuable too? So here's me telling you, make time for friends and don't be too casual about it. Be intentional about it. Decide who you want to leave an impact on and who you want to leave an impact on you. And then call them up, tell them what you want, schedule the appointment. I promise you won't be sorry that you did. I hope this has been helpful to you. You can answer the question in the comments and don't forget to check out the show notes for this episode. Why? Because I'm linking to some other great content on this very topic there as well. Listen, if you've really enjoyed this, do what the cool kids do. Like, subscribe, and comment so that other people will know what you were thinking when you watched. Be sure to tell a friend, share the episode. But if you're really, really wanting to make sure you dive all the way deep into this topic, you can watch this video from yours truly, 5 Ways to Be a Good Friend. All right, y'all, I'll see you next time.
