Jade Godbolt on Trusting God with the Process and the Platform

Y'all, so I know that some of you follow me and you're like, oh my gosh, I love watching her YouTube videos. But y'all, I have a list of people where I'm like, oh my gosh, I like watching their YouTube videos. And I'm so excited to get to have one of them on the couch with me today. I'm very happy to welcome Jade Godbolt to the podcast. Hey, Jade.

Hey, thanks for having me.

Okay, so for real, I went down a vortex. I think you showed up in my discovery or something on Instagram a couple of times with the roller set. Yeah. And I went to— I'm always trying to find somewhere close by that I can go get my hair done. So I Googled blowout, went to a Dominican place, and I was like, you know what? Let me just go on here because I need to do this at home myself. Because the sitting under the dryer, I was like, I graduated from that a long time ago. I need to do this at home where I could get out, cool down a little bit, go. So I'm online and I bumped into you on YouTube.

Okay.

I was like, oh yeah, this is the girl I saw, whatever. So then I went down the whole vortex, watched the home birthing video in the bathtub, the whole— and I was like, first of all, I'm learning some tips about the hair and the roller sets. But also, she my people. She homeschooling her kids. She's home birthing. Yes. Now, I mean, I can't get with you on the beauty stuff, but I can learn from— I barely make it in that department these days. You look gorgeous. Well, thank you so much. You do. Thank you so much. So really, this is me crushing a little bit, having you on my podcast to get to know you better and to also to share you with my audience. So I love how you have blended all the things that you, not all, but a lot of things that you love. So there's pillars of content marketing, of beauty and motherhood and faith and just lifestyle. And so I know we were talking a little bit before, I was holding myself back because I wanted to say, save it for the show. Save, don't give me too much. Save it for the show. But back up a little bit.

Yeah.

Because I was like, is she doing this kind of on the side for fun or this is like her gig? And I was like, oh no.

Oh yeah.

This is her gig gig.

This is the gig, this is paying the mortgage. This is like, my husband is a stay-at-home dad and left corporate America back in 2020 and hasn't been back since. It's 2025. So the Lord has kept us in that arena because I never thought that being a content creator influencer was gonna like be my job. It was kind of something that I stumbled into because I was one of the girls, you know, 2008, 2009, started seeing these women popping up on YouTube talking about natural hair. And I had been getting relaxers for like my teenage years. And so I was like, I wanna see what my natural curls look like. And I kind of like fell into that kind of early entry of people just exploring what their natural hair was gonna look like. And so I started posting on YouTube in 2010 when I was in college and kept just doing it and got my first brand deal with Carol's Daughter in 2013.

Oh yeah.

For $300. Was so excited. You were like, I got rich. Yes, because I was like, and I was like, I'm a professional.

I'm a professional.

Because if I'm getting paid for it, even if it's a little— look, and $300 was a lot.

That's correct.

For me at that point. I had just graduated from college and I was like, just broken up with like a 7-year high school sweetheart situation, had moved with him, had to come back home, sleeping on my sister's couch. So $300 getting paid for something that I never think this is 2013. Nobody was talking about like influencers and brand deals and all that. So I was just like, okay, cool. I was still like, I gotta go to grad school, I gotta be a student affairs professional, which is what I went to grad school for. I went to SMU and studied higher education. And so I'm going to grad school, still doing my little videos, and I'm keeping it separate. I'm like YouTube Jade, which is my old name was Lipstick and Curls, and Jade real life was separate. And anytime any of those collided, I was like, this is weird. Don't talk about YouTube in real life and don't talk about real life in YouTube. And I literally, in a matter of like— it was crazy how this happened— at the end of 2015, so December 2015, I told myself I'm going to quit YouTube, I'm going to quit Lipstick and Curls because I need to focus on being an adult and like getting a job. Because that was going to be my last semester of grad school, and I was like also kind of hitting these walls with being a content creator at that time where I told myself, if I make $5,000 in the summer between my 2 years in grad school, then I know I'm supposed to do this full-time. I didn't make $5,000 during the summer, so I said, okay, well, this is it. I need to like be done. January of 2016, multiple things started happening. I started hating what I was getting my degree in. It wasn't just a, oh, I don't like the subject matter.

But you're already in it and you're getting close to finishing.

I'm in the last semester. And when I tell you my whole undergrad experience was all— I was presidents of this club, doing sorority stuff. I was— that girl was like, oh yeah, I'm going to be working in student affairs. I'm going to be somebody's VP of student affairs one day. I'm going to get my PhD. I had this whole plan. And I got to this point where I was like getting all these special opportunities to do internships and stuff. And I was like, Oh my God, I hate this. Like, I'm actually not supposed to be here. Now I don't know what to do. A month later, I get a cold email from an agency like, hey, can you shoot a Colgate commercial in 2 weeks in Miami? And I was like, no agent, no, no, I'm just a girl posting YouTube videos. And they're like, we're looking for beauty bloggers. I said, I don't have a blog, so I don't qualify. They're like, no, like the brand looked at 200 people and they chose you.. And I was like, okay, so I go to shoot this commercial in Miami. Then the next month, a cold email again from a woman who would end up being my manager, my first influencer agency based in LA. I also ended up getting invited to this YouTube Black event, which was the beginning of YouTube Black. If people don't know what it is, it's like this basically the DEI program for YouTube where YouTube would like pay you, fly you out places, like support you as a creator on YouTube. So I was part of that cohort that semester. I met my husband that semester. And literally graduated, and everything like just took a— went on a different level. And I was like, okay God, you want me to do this?

Cool.

If this is fun, I'm gonna keep doing it until it's not fun anymore. And that was in 2016, and I'm still here now. There have been some lows, there have been some highs, and we'll probably get into some of it, but I had those moments even in the last like 2 or 3 years where I was like, okay, I don't know if I'm supposed to be doing this anymore. Like, this is not fun for me anymore. I feel like it has like changed me in all these different ways, and I don't know if I'm supposed to be here. But the Lord would not release me from this thing, and he's like, you have to show me through what you do. Like, this is the way. And I'm like, I don't want to, but I kept going. And so I'm still here on this couch with you today And I mean, that was such—

okay, because there's so much.

I know there is.

There's so— okay, so currently today, are you having fun? Yes.

Oh my God.

What makes it fun? What makes it not fun? Yeah. And what keeps it fun?

So what makes it not fun is when it starts to become your identity.

Okay.

That's what happened to me. Lipstick and curls became my identity. I was so focused on making everything look aesthetically pleasing for a brand deal, for the aesthetics, for the like look and feel of like me being an influencer, that I was neglecting my own growth as a person. And anytime I wasn't getting flown out somewhere, I wasn't at some red carpet event, when I wasn't being praised for just, you know, my hair or whatever, I would have these moments where I would sit with myself and be like, uh, I feel terrible. Like, what am I doing? Like, what am I actually doing? I would have like these little moments where everything would like pause for a second and I'd be like, what am I doing? Like, what is this? Like, why? And then I would get another email, another brand deal, something, and I would get swooped back into it. And it was like, in those small moments, I felt like God was trying to show me, like, yeah, like, you're not on your path. Like, you're actually, like, so enamored by all the shiny lights and bright things that, like, you're actually not in purpose anymore. And so he was, like, giving me these opportunities. So that's when it was not fun. And I then because there was a loss of purity in it too. Like in the beginning when it wasn't about money and it wasn't about brand deals and views and all that, it was like I was just showing up as like me in that season. Like me as a college girl, me fresh in my, you know, outta college, me exploring and figuring out like what's going on with my hair. It was also like a self-discovery journey that I was just sharing. And that was fun because it was real and it was authentic. As things kind of like got misaligned, it's a check, it, it, it ends up shifting things. And if you're not like intentional about keeping it aligned, then it will overcome, like it will succumb, you will succumb to the temptation of chasing after that check instead of doing the things that you feel led to do. So that's when I— it was a hard time, and this is a long— I'm jumping, but to talk about how it got fun again was when I went through my process with God and got back to who he has called me to be, and not just got back to but discovered, because it was also like I became a wife, I became a mother multiple times, and I'm realizing as my brain chemistry is changing with every child that I'm getting closer to who I'm supposed to be, but I'm less and less familiar with who that person even is because I'm like, I'm not the girl I'm not Lipstick and Curls no more. I don't know who I am. So I had to figure out, okay, who is Jada? What does she even like? Who is Jade Godbolt? Because that's my married name. Like, I'm not even Jade Kendall anymore. I'm not that girl. I'm a wife, a mother. But also I'm still a daughter, right? And I didn't know who I was as a daughter, right? So that's when I started really hyper-focusing in on who I was as a daughter, but also with my husband's help of helping me figure out who I was even as a wife and a mother, because that's part of who I am as well. And like that balance between those things, it's kind of hard to figure out in the beginning.

But—

and I'm still in the beginning. I'm not that far into it. But it started to get fun again when I allowed those things, the love for my family, the embracing newness of like who Jade Godbolt is, and just like stop being so like self-conscious about how I looked in front of people. And like actually lived my life for God outside of all of this stuff, then I started like having fun again. Because it was like I needed to bring back the purity. I needed to bring back like, why was this fun? And not even why was it fun before, but like, it's not about the things that's fun. It's about like, where is it coming from? Like, where is that joy coming from? And I had lost that in that kind of, uh, period of time.

But let's, let's You know, but here's the question I have.

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I hear you. I understand you. I believe you. I feel what you're saying. But the reality is you are running a brand. Yes. And so what does it look like for you to remain authentic but still make sure that things are set for the video and that the lighting is right when you get your photos or when you're doing things with your kids? Like, yeah, you have a post right now that you're rediscovering girlhood with your daughter and y'all are dancing around. And so obviously you caught that moment. I think y'all were at American Girl.

Well, that was actually right outside my house before we went to American Girl. Yeah.

So I'm looking— okay, so you're having this real moment with your daughter. You're capturing it. Y'all were cute. Yeah, but there has to be, because I can't tell you how many times I feel like I'm trying to live my life, but oh dang it, I didn't take my phone out one time to capture that. So there has to be a mindset of I'm living my life, but I'm also intentional about capture.

Yes.

So how do you do both without— how do you maintain that balance?

So it's like having a strategy without a strategy.

Yeah, explain that to me.

So, so I actually made a contract with God a couple months ago, and it's writing. It's in writing.

Okay.

And like in person, I formally like went outside and had this spot, and it's kind of like a thing that I did. But he is the CEO, I'm just the creative director. So I don't come up with the messages, I don't come up with the moments, I don't come up with like the, uh message. What I do is position myself to be intentional here and intentional about how I can easily execute. Like, what's easy? The easy thing is, okay, always have your phone charged.

One.

Okay.

Because that's harder than what it seems like.

Exactly. And to be mindful of like, what's an easy tripod to have around all the time?

Do you have a favorite?

It's like this little white one that I got off Amazon, but it could be any. Yeah, it's just a matter of like, it's really muscle memory.

Somebody's going to say we're going to get that link, even though, even though any Amazon tripod will work. Yeah, but it's going to say, can she link her?

Yeah, go ahead, I'll send you the link. But it's just this little white one that it pops in small and comes out. I always have that like in the car or around somewhere. And I stopped trying to do all of this every time I posted. It used to be like that. It used to be where I have to have the light setup, I have to have the DSLR, I have to have— but now it's like, no, what can you easily execute on a regular basis? And I can't have a quote-unquote strategy. I had to make my life the backdrop. So I had to look at my life and say, realistically, what has God done here, and how can I creative direct around what he's doing? So for me, it's been like God has been healing me, oh my goodness, so much through motherhood. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. He has— I'm going to cry. I'm not going to cry. But he has done such a beautifully gentle, like, surgery on me because I— my mom lost her mom when she was 3 years old. My mom was in the military. My parents all worked. And so I was the child that was at a babysitter or nanny or something at 6 weeks old. On formula and was always in an after-school program, before school, extracurriculars, running here, running there, working. I never got like a calm, uh, regular childhood. We moved every 3 years. I lived overseas. There was— I— it was— my parents were divorced when I was 4, so I was not just moving every 3 years but hopping around from Dad's house to Mom's house and, you know, navigating all of that for my whole life. So I felt as a child I never really got as much nurturing and just calm time with my mom. And so through motherhood, I've been doing that intentionally with my kids. And God is just like, share it. Like, my strategy, my whole thing is like, show them God through my life. So nothing like the roller set stuff just was like a random— I'm like trying to grow my hair out, what can I do? I don't want to use a flat iron all the time, but maybe I can try this. And then, okay, cool, boom, it's happening. So it's like, I'm telling you, it's not a how do you like organize. It looks so much more organized from your viewpoint than it is for me.

That's because you're organizing your content pillars around your life.

Yes. So which is naturally—

So instead of choosing the content and then forcing it in, you say, I am doing beauty because I enjoy it. I like doing my hair. I'm trying to grow my hair out. Yeah. I'm doing motherhood. I'm sharing my life. You know, I mean, it's—

it's that simple.

Organize it around what's actually happening.

Yeah, what's actually happening. And there's, again, there is some muscle memory in there though, too. Like, how do I easily execute? But I also have like, a high expectation of excellence. So I'm like, okay, I've been through the seasons of learning the DSLR, learning photography. I've self-taught myself everything and I can do all the things, but it's like, what can I execute? And sometimes, especially now, it's so much easier to just like prop up your phone or get one of them little DJI Osmo Pocket. Oh my gosh, she is— she's that girl.

She is that girl.

She is that girl. I use her like every other day and that's so much easier than like when I started on YouTube and everything was like bright lights, camera, and like it was so much pressure to show up.

Can I ask you this question? Yeah. Do you ever feel like— I get so many questions, I'm trying to hold on to them. Do you ever feel like the more you make the effort to make it great, the less great it is?

Sometimes, yeah. Like in a very real way, yeah.

And I find that like the more I caught the moment, the more authentic the moment, the more I was just stewarding the moment, the more resonance it has than if I did all the things to dot every i and cross every t. 100%.

That's still something that I'm unlearning as well, though. Like, there are times when I find myself going into that mode that I used to go into, which was like, everything has to be, you know. But I think I've shifted my perspective on it now. Now it's more about Okay, how do I make this easy on myself in the sense of when I buy my clothes, I try to work with my skin tone, choosing the colors of clothes, because those are the things— color theory.

Is it?

No, I didn't. But I just— look, I'm a self-taught girl. I'm like, I ain't getting tested. But I'm gonna— yeah, I'm just creative like that. So I'm like, okay, let me make sure that like—

you wanna know what my color theory is? What? You can't tell today. What's my color theory? Black.

Is it really?

Just don't have to think. Listen, even, even today I have a little slit in my skirt. I was like, let me put on a black tight just so I don't have to think.

But you know what, that's important. That's why Steve Jobs wore the same t-shirt, because it's less decisions you gotta make, right? So that for— that's for me. I'm like, everything I buy is like, looks good together, so I can just throw stuff on and I can go. I also have like really detached from having to have a full beat in every post.

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On a scale of 1 to 10, what level of beat is this?

Today is like a, a 7. Okay, that's what I was gonna say, a 7, because, you know, we got the lights. If I'm gonna be under lights, I'm gonna have something. I need a little extra concealer, you know, all the things. But on a daily, day-to-day basis, I'm not wearing all this. Yeah, but I take the time to do my skincare routine so that when I show up on camera, I don't have to do all of this. My skin is healthy and glowing because I make the time.

That's my self-care time.

That's my love on me, like, have my moment. Like, I, I have that, and I communicate with that with my husband. Like, I need that 30 to— 30 minutes to an hour.

You putting the kids to bed?

Absolutely. I'm a better person, a better wife when I have that time. My long shower, like, I need that. And so those are— but I had to figure that out. I didn't know that about myself.

How long have y'all been married?

It will be 5 years this June. Yeah. So we're still— but we've been together since 2016, so in 9 years together or something. And we lived together we got married. We had a baby before we got married. Like, we did not—

she was like, let me help you so you don't have to do the math.

Yeah, yeah, because we wasn't always on this path, okay? We have our own testimony in that. But like, yeah, I, I had to learn all of those things about myself. Yeah, even down to— because for a long time, my beauty time was attached to obviously making money and things like that, brand deals and whatnot. Lipstick and Curls was all about long curly hair. I— that was what I was known for. That's— people always talked about my hair, my hair, my hair. I and other people together, really, I built it and they worshiped it, became an idol. Like, Lip Sync Curls, the platform, the persona, it was— everything was so orchestrated. So I was— I used to be, what do I want to post about, and then I'll shape my life around that, right? Like taking the airport photo before you go to the airport, right? Like Okay. People really do that to have the content.

Meaning you're at the airport getting the photo before you go?

No.

Yeah.

Like you go to the airport a day before, take the photo and then leave.

Okay.

And then you go like, or you take your airport photo before you leave the house the day before. It's not at the airport, but you're in your airport outfit. You got your suitcase. That's the airport post. Like it's all of that was like very much behind the scenes influencer stuff. But that's the world I was in. Everything was so wrapped around like, what do you want to look like? And so that's how I lost myself because I was like, I'm doing all this to look like something that I'm— I don't even know if I am. And I'm actually not because how can you be something you made yourself? So I went through this whole season of like realizing that, like, I had built an idol. Not only did I love it, I loved Lipstick and Curls. Other people loved Lipstick and Curls and like what it represented and what I did and all the stuff and God was like, you can't wear your hair curly no more. I was like, what? And then he was like, you can't do beauty content. And I was like— I still did beauty content for a couple years. It was failed. Like, I lost thousands and thousands of followers. I lost money. Okay, so I stopped wearing my hair curly, and I literally took almost a $200,000 hit from one year to the next because I wasn't doing brand beauty content. I wasn't as much— wasn't wearing my hair curly, um, and I was also trying to find my actual authentic self through a content perspective. Like, I was doing it in real life, but to shift it to like content is like a totally different lever that you're pulling on. And I was posting, but everything wasn't what it looks like today. It was awkward. It was sometimes like, girl, what are you talking about? And like, what are you doing? Then it progressed from not wearing my hair curly to it's gotta go. I chopped all my hair off, and that was like the final physical manifestation of what God was doing in my heart, which was like tearing that thing down, putting him in the rightful place that he should be in, and starting new. Starting fresh and letting that be the signifier, coupled with changing my name to my married name to all my platforms, which lost me money too, because think about— I had a lot of SEO attached to Lipstick and Curls. And when I changed my name on Instagram, all those links are broken now. All the press articles, all the things I had done over the years. I had done a lot of different things and all of it was like you had to know who Jade Godbolt was. Most people didn't even know who Jade Kendall was. They knew who Lipstick and Curls was. So I had to go through that and it was painful. It was painful, but that was the in-between part that I had to go through because that part, that, that season had ended and I was trying to push it farther than what it was supposed to be because it started pure. It started like God was doing things and I'm like, why me, God? Like Colgate, cold email, manager cold email, like YouTube.

He was leading you 100% your own personality. You started leading it?

100%, because I was like, oh, these gifts work, they work, and I don't even have to try, and it's just happening. So you start getting confused as to who's fueling that. And, um, at the time I had gotten baptized, actually when I was in 2015, so I was 24. Before all— like, literally 2015 I got baptized, and then 2016 is when everything went crazy. I never attached those two things before because back then, um, growing up as a military kid, like, my parents never forced me to go to church, but we always like had these little stints where we would go, or I would want to go with friends and I did, or like in college I would go with friends and things like that and did Bible studies here and there. But I never really took it serious. But every time I walked into a church, I was a ball of tears. I was a mess. I was like, I can't go into them buildings because every time I go, I feel like I just crumble. And so I would avoid it because I'd be like, uh, and I also didn't really have people around me who are really walking like that with the Lord. So I always was like, oh, this is good enough, you know. So I get baptized, and then I'm still not really living for the Lord. And but I even minimally had made a commitment to God in that, right? Like, even in my looking back, I'm like, I actually was more tapped in than I thought I was. I just didn't have as much maturity to recognize, like, what God was doing.

Yeah, you didn't have boxes to put it in.

Yes, but I was just like, "Okay, something is happening in my life." You couldn't name it, describe it, explain it.

You were like, "I don't know that it's happening." Yes. But it was happening.

It was happening. And something in me knew that it was him, but I didn't have the language for it yet. And so, in that place, I kinda got lost. But now, I'm so grateful that like, I've allowed the Lord to do what he's done in this past like, 3 years for me, because— outwardly, it was looking crazy. And I was like, oh my gosh, like, Lord, why would you have me in a position where I can't pay my mortgage? I'm struggling, like, mentally. My marriage is, like, all over the place. But simultaneously, during all of this, my husband is also going through his, like, process of, like, becoming who God wants him to be. He's actually doing it before me. So, when I was doing it, I was actually just, like, following his lead. But he don't got a big platform, and he's not, you know, an influencer like that. So, people don't really realize that, like, what they see from me started with him and continues to start with him. So like, people will think, oh, he's a stay-at-home dad, he's not really, you know. And I'm like, you don't understand how he leads. And like, literally, I would not be who I am today without him doing what he's done. And like, that's his testimony in itself, it's a whole thing. And so it's been this like wild evolution, but also like at the same time I've always known God in my heart and he's always been there, always been so gentle with like his like little taps, like, hey, remember me?

He's a gentleman.

So, you know, so gentle and so kind. And yet it's only like when we do the things he tells us to do, like when I had to stop wearing my hair curly and I had to change my name and all that stuff, I was like, but why?

Why?

I don't want to. And it was like, but I was— but I would obey. And I would continue to obey, and then he would give me the understanding after. So it's like sometimes I feel like the best thing I ever, like, did as a person was just, like, trust in the obedience and the calling and not continue to ask why. Because I feel like if I would have allowed myself to continue to try to figure out why God was having me do something, it would have distracted me from just doing the thing. And I think that was, like, something I didn't realize was actually a benefit to like taking my hands off of stuff and why I think things shifted relatively quickly when you look at it from like a lifelong perspective instead of like maybe online. To some people, they're like, oh, like losing thousands and thousands of followers and money for 2, 3 years, that seems like a long time to be. And I'm like, it actually was in the scheme of life.

It's not. So you talked about losing followers. I looked at your YouTube channel, you know, just looked at the videos in order of publication date because, you know, YouTube still lets you do that even though other social channels won't, right? Um, and there is a clear differentiator between— I mean, you can kind of look at your numbers and tell what people are interested in seeing. And so is your delivery of content as you capture your life and as you publish whether it's on YouTube or social media, do you feel like that's still out of obedience? So is it's not like I'm looking at what's performing well and doing that. It's like I'm putting out what I'm supposed to be putting out.

So it's kind of both a little, because, you know, you gotta— I'm still a business owner. Like, I'm still like, okay, I got it.

And I'm thinking more like the— not like this flavor of faith video is better than this flavor.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the beauty content. Yes, right. I can't look at it that way. The way I see it is the beauty is simply a vehicle. It's got its place.

It's like a funnel.

Yes, it's a funnel. And actually, crazy enough, I always knew that. But I just worded it in my mind differently. I'd be like, oh yeah, I get people with like my beauty stuff. And then when they get to know me, they realize that like I'm a good person. But I was still centering it around me. It wasn't about him. And so, and that only goes so far, right? So now it's like, I will pull in people with beauty because that's what pays the bills. And now I can discern how God wants me to operate, which is, yes, that's the funnel. That's just money. We actually don't care about it, but it is the thing that physically people are attracted to. But when it comes to the videos about faith, those are the things that I'm like, if I don't post this, I'mma be in trouble. So that's what really, in my mind, that's the only reason why I do the beauty stuff. It's the only reason why I still have a platform, is because God knows he can trust me to still do those faith videos, still speak to his daughters and sons, but daughters, about what it looks like to move with him at the center of your life in this modern day. Like, in the way that he set up my life, what does that actually look like? Because I think that's what a lot of people struggle with. I struggled with it. I'm like, I don't know anybody who like legit follows his word in real life. I don't know anybody intimately. And then it's like, for a long time, people who claimed to be Christian or had a faith platform online didn't show you anything outside of the big lights. So it's like, I don't know, how do I trust you? Like, I don't know you. And so I think there's a time and place for all of the different aspects of how God wants kingdom work done. But I think through me, he's asked me to be open about my lifestyle. And like, not just— not just motherhood and like being a wife, because those are biblical roles, yes, but also like, how do you take care of Jade? And also, God is doing the roller set with me. Like, hello, we say he's with us and doing everything, but he ain't— what you doing, the roller set? He ain't with you doing the skincare routine.

Well, I'm asking you that because I think the hard— you said, you said, I was discovering these gifts and these gifts work.

Yeah.

And I think one of the challenges for women, people, but women, and it's the infamous question, you know, how do you balance it all? Because there are these gifts that, you know, you have. You want to use them, you want to exercise them, fine-tune them. You want to get better at it. And then, you know, there's the parable of the talents, and Jesus told the one servant, "You didn't do anything with this." So, you know that he wants you to maximize your gifts. But there's this fine line between being a good steward and maximizing your gifts and doing more than what he asked you to do, just because if you touch it, it turns to gold.

Ooh-wee.

So, I hear you about the contract and about, you know, telling God, I'm going to follow and I'm going to listen and I'm going to download. But how do you know? How do you know when you've moved from stewardship to ownership?

When it starts. So you know this, God things are never singular. There's always layers, and it's not transactional. So something that is a consequence of a decision that I made in owning something that was supposed to be God's, it'll show up in my marriage, it'll show up in my kids, it'll show up in me being frustrated and not wanting to listen to the criticism my husband is trying to give me about something else over here. It's because when I start getting into jade, into flesh, that's how I know, okay, let me back up. What have I been doing without God? Because that's how it legit shows up.

Is like, because if you're not doing it with God over here, you're also not doing it with God over here. Boom.

If me and my husband ain't flowing, yeah, something is up.

Yeah.

And it's usually something that I'm trying to do by myself. And because my husband is primarily at home, and he also does ministry himself, he has a Bible study with men, and we host people at our house monthly, and we do calls and studies together. Like, that's our church. Like, we have multiple, like, families that we gather with regularly. And so he's he's 100% available to like all these different men. And so he's pretty pure in his like, um, perspective of like life and what God wants him to do. He's very like focused like this. So when I have been out in the world, out on social media doing things, and I come back and I'm the one who's getting irritated and I'm the one who's like, no, like, what do you— then I'm okay. What did I do? And then I have to go take that to God, and I have to repent, and I have to say, Lord, like, I did not invite you in the last few days. But on a day-to-day basis, it's actually just walking outside and greeting him and saying good morning and saying, okay, Lord, whatever we gonna do today, we gonna do, so let's do it. And it's that quick, that simple. I walk back inside and I continue on, and I talk to him all day long. I'm praying all day long. I'm asking him, Lord, how do you want me to respond to this email? Does this contract look right? Like, I'm sending stuff to my husband, say, what do you, what do you feel about this? Like, and we— that's how we move. It's super hyper-focused in on if the Lord is not saying go, we don't go. And so the other part of that is actually, it's a real example of this week. Like, yesterday, um, I got invited. People love the Roller Set, and I'm getting, you know, a lot, you know, whatever.

Dryer.

Um, I love it too, but let's pause here for just a minute.

Let's just deal with the roller set full out.

Just don't, don't forget where you were going. Okay, okay.

How long are we sitting under the dryer?

We're— for my hair, this is going to change.

Thick hair.

Yes, I'm sitting under for an hour and a half nonstop. Nonstop. I know the last 30 minutes really push it to the limit.

How do you keep the tops of your ears from burning, the nape of your neck from being hot?

So I put a towel— I'll put a towel on my neck.

Okay.

And also I feel like my ears don't really hurt that much with the dryer that I have. It's an 1875 watt. The salon dryers are like usually 2200. Oh, so they do burn a bit more. So sometimes you got to get those little covers or whatever, but usually my ears are not bad. It's only when if I leave like a metal clip, like on my skin or something. Oh Lord, I don't feel the burn until after because it's like a slow cook.

Okay, so let's break this down. I'm telling you, I just— the body, you can't beat the body. You can't beat the body.

You can't.

But, but the process. Hair wash.

I know.

Okay, so the dryer's 90 minutes minimum.

Depending on your hair, it could be less, it could be more.

I'm just talking about you.

Okay, we're talking about me. Okay, okay.

How long? Give me, give me the, give me the full length. 'Cause you're still running the flat iron through it after the end? Yes. Okay. If you're doing your hair, how many hours?

It's a good 2.5, 3.

Oh, is that it?

That's it.

Oh, okay.

Because if you, the, now when I first started, it was more like 4 or 5 'cause it—

It took you time to get there.

Took a long time to roll. And, but once you get that technique down, like I'll do my daughter's hair, my daughter's rosettes, I'll roll her head up in like 30 minutes. Now I'm like 30 minutes to 45 minutes, my hair all rolled up.

Okay.

So if you think about that in like a silk press process, you're blowing your hair out for 45 minutes or so, then you're flat ironing for another 45 minutes to an hour, and then maybe curling it 20 minutes. Okay, that's still 2 hours-ish. It's faster, but that heat on your hair— yeah, it's not— it's really intense. Okay, if you're doing that every couple weeks or whatever. For me and the roller set, I'm literally rolling my hair wet, sitting under the indirect heat dryer for an hour and a half. So I'm on my computer getting work done, whatever, reading, and then I get rollers out, take the rollers down, and I do one pass with a flat iron, not even super high. It only needs to be like 370, 390.

Keep it under 400.

Keep it under 400. And for me, I roll it back up while it's still hot in a few rollers. It'll hold. It'll hold. And then I take them out and that style will last me 2 weeks plus if I really want to stretch it. And the body stays. It always looks better day 2, day 3.

But you kind of rolled your eyes about it. You were like, you know, everybody wants to talk about the roller set. Are you still enjoying it? That piece of content. I love it.

It's so fun. It's so fun because I'm like, people don't know how to do this and I get to like—

And this is so awesome. Like, you are taking me back to my childhood. I was sitting under, right?

Did you ever do this?

Oh my gosh. I was sitting under the dryer like, so I was so happy when we went to blow drying and straight to the silk press because I'm like, so when I was looking, I was like, you know what? Everything cycles all the way back around. I was like, now it's cool to have a roller set.

And I remember the day I threw out my magnetic rollers.

I'm done with that.

I'm grown.

I don't do that anymore.

But it's so much better on your hair. And I feel like legitimately my hair is in better condition now than it ever was before, even when I was doing my wash and gos and stuff. Now, granted, genetics, okay? We have to say the genetics disclaimer. All right. But I'm telling you, like, my hair has never been this healthy. And there's also, like, the science behind it. Like, not wearing your hair in a wet state for that long. Like for me, if I'm— I'm not doing air drying wash and gos no more. Absolutely not. Your cuticle, hair cuticle is open for way too long. It's losing moisture. Everything that you put in, it's losing because it's all open still. But with a roller set, you're literally going from wet, deep condition, whatever you did, 30 minutes later it's rolled up, it's contained, and then it's sealed with that indirect heat. So your hair cuticle is nice and smooth and flattened, and then you pop it with just a little bit of a flat flat iron at the end to seal it, to make sure that like it doesn't frizz up. And then you're good for the next week, 2 weeks.

Just wrapping at night, wrapping.

I pin curl. Yeah, sometimes I'm throwing it up just in a loose like bun, or not even a bun, like a ponytail with like a silk hair tie. Like now that my hair is longer, but it's— it— the maintenance is so easy.

It's like if you can get your 3-hour block, you're doing this and you're influencing and the makeup and the cute, we're on a 7 today, and the color blocking and the capturing my life with my little Osmo and my tripod and all that. Yes! Well, focus!

Yes! Yes!

'Cause your baby is how old?

My baby, my baby baby is almost 10 months.

The pace that you're keeping and the rhythm of your life, do you, where it is right now, is it good? Or what adjustments are you even now trying to make to?

I love the pace that it's at right now. It's like enough kind of happening with work things that I can turn things down when I know I'm supposed to, instead of being in a place where things are slower and I'm feeling a little desperate. So I'm like, I still listen to God, but I'm also like, Lord, like, what's happening? I'm waiting. I'm waiting for like just to feel a little bit more secure and kind of like, what's happening? And creatives, we go through, especially content creators, we go through those ebbs and flows of like Seasons where like the content is working and it's hitting and the algorithm's loving you and all that stuff. And then you go through seasons where like people not watching no more. There's the taste has shifted and kind of that social media atmosphere and you gotta find your flow again. And I feel like that pace of like, okay, it's a delicate balance of like, how much am I out the house? How much am I in the house? You know, how much am I putting on my husband to like take over when I'm not there and all this kind of stuff because he does a lot. He cooks. He cleans, he's the homemaker primarily. And that's the position that God has had us in because of just the way he's shifted us, you know? And so, I have to also maintain this understanding of like, when is it that I want to do something? Because on paper it's like, "Oh my God, they invited me to this thing. Of course I'm gonna go." And then I never ask God. And I wanna go so bad or do the thing so bad that even if I pray, "Lord, if you don't want me to do this, then let me know." in my heart, I want to do it so bad that he could say no and I would not hear him.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. That happened this week.

Not with this podcast, I hope.

Not this podcast.

Okay.

This podcast was the— yes, you still are going to be asked to do things, so I got you. But the other thing was something that was— I'm not going to name names or do the things, but it was something that Lipstick and Curls would have been like, oh my God. Jade is still like, oh my God. But Jade, also led by the Holy Spirit, is like, hold on, pause, already told me. So we do this thing where I will send my husband invitations that I get in the email, and he'll say yay or nay from like a spiritual sense of like, I don't know if this is right, oh, we got this going on, whatever. So I always send it to him first, and he was like, pray about it. I was like, all right, I'll pray about it. So then little, little small voice the other day was like, I know you want to go, but even if you want to go and I didn't tell you no, would you not go? Does that make sense?

Like, are you willing?

Are you willing to not go even though you want to go so bad? Would you be willing not to go just in case it wasn't where you're supposed to be? And I was like, okay, whatever. And I just kept doing my thing, booked— not booked, confirmed my attendance to the event and brought it back up to my husband. And he was like, you never told me if God told you yes. And I was like, well, I just feel like I really want to go and it's a good way to build a relationship. And I'm getting irritated now because I'm like, I want to go. And he was like, you know, we're about to go to this other thing with the day after, right? Like, you actually really need to be here because we need to pack. And I was like, we'll be fine, we'll be ready to go, it's— it'll be fine, it'll be fine. And then we get in this big argument and I'm yelling at him, which is not like me anymore. That's— listen, curls Jade, that's like old Jade. Old Jade was like, I'll pop off, you know, whenever I don't like something. But that's not me normally. Um, and so I started getting angry and I'm like, stop trying to tell me what to do, like in that kind of like prideful, like don't tell me what to do little kid vibe. And I to— I walked away from it and I was like, dang it, the Lord had to speak through my husband because he tried to gently tell me the other day, and now I wasn't listening. Now it has to come through my husband, which— so grateful for marriage because I ended up taking that reproval and being like, okay babe, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you, I'm not going to go to the thing. I emailed because that was my repentance. It was like, I'm gonna say sorry and I'm going to do something different, which is I'm going to say I'm not going to go to this thing even though I want to. Y'all didn't do anything bad, nothing's on— but the Lord is not releasing me to go and I need to listen. So I, I said I'm not gonna go anymore, and I walked away from that like, okay, now I'm back to normal, now I'm back to myself. And that's what happened. When I'm out of step, when I'm in Jade, when I'm— the gifts work too well, and why can't I? And I'm, I'm like, why can't I? And it's like, no, because you only use the gifts when I tell you to. You don't use them whenever you want to. And that's hard for somebody like me. I'm Type A. I'm like in this influencer social media world where like people constantly praising me. Pride is very much around me all the time. And if I'm even a step outside of what God wants me to do, that's where I'm stepping into. I'm stepping into pride every time. So if I don't stay on that narrow path of humble, focused, listening for the Lord, having peace about every decision that I make, and being in peace and flow with my husband because he's my protector, my, my— he's my extra covering for like anytime I do step out, if he catches me back, it's as if I never stepped out. Like, it's, it's as if like we've always been here. But anytime I'm covering him, he starts being like, we going at it, I'm like, dang, what am I doing? Or what are you doing that's like not on par with what God wants us to be doing? So that's like my—

I feel like, uh, one of my, uh, all of the kids, but my, one of my grandchildren She's number 4. Even when she is edging out into the zone she knows she shouldn't be in, the way she moves is different. You know what I'm saying? Like, we know, even like kids know when they're doing something they shouldn't be doing it because they start moving different. They'll wait to do it until you're not looking or they, you know, they're looking up, "Did you see me?" So, we— if we pay attention to how we move, our own behavior will tell us us?

Yes.

Are you even supposed to be here?

Yeah.

Like, the way things are happening.

Yeah, I mean, absolutely.

So, okay, home birth. Why are we— why are we doing that?

So I had a beautiful hospital birth with my first daughter. I was in Oregon, and it was beautiful because they actually had midwives deliver babies there. And we had to take a 2-day new parents class, birthing class, before. I had never heard of what a doula was. This is 2019. Never heard what a doula was. Never heard of a midwife. Was not in that space at all. And and I was listening to this woman who was like teaching this birthing class. She had been a doula for 30 years, and she started to share what all the different aspects of like your labor looks like. So she did this activity where she— every time you got something or something happened in the hospital, it was another like string attached to you. So she was like, you enter the hospital, you get an IV, there's a string attached to you. You are in the hospital bed and you get an epidural, there's a string attached to you. You're in the hospital and they give you Pitocin, there's another string attached you. And by the end of it, it was like all these strings that were basically keeping you in one position to labor. And she was like, I want you to understand that when you're in a hospital, there's more strings attached to you in ways where you don't have the ultimate freedom to do what you want to do. So it's like, have that perspective of what do you want your birth and your labor to look like, depending on which strings you want to be attached to. So I was like, oh, okay. So I was like, okay, I feel like I can do I don't know where the confidence came because I got there, I was laboring for like 19 hours. I was doing the nitrous gas.

This is number 2?

This is number 1.

Oh, okay, okay.

Number 1 in the hospital.

Got it.

Because I was also like, ain't no way I'm not going to be in a hospital. Like, I need them doctors around me. I need to like, I don't know what I'm doing with the baby. Like, I'm— so I was glad I was in a hospital for the first. And but when I— 19 hours hit, I end up getting epidural and I was like, I'm not going to like guilt trip myself about getting epidural because like I needed it at that time. Gave birth vaginally, and I had this moment when she came out where I was like, oh my God, they did not tell me I was going to feel like a superhuman when I pushed this baby out. And if I did that with an epidural, oh, I can do this without one. So that was 2019. 2021 rolls around. Things are different because it's COVID, right? You can't eat in there. You got to have a mask on during labor. You only can have your husband or like one person in there. My friend had just had a baby and she had a mask on and had this newborn on her. And I saw the picture and I was like, absolutely not. I am not giving birth that way. I am not going through that. So I had this like water birth experience and it changed me forever. I became like an advocate. I'm like, yes, you can do this. You're built for this. Every woman is built to do this. —now every woman is built, but you know, there's variations and things.

More are than what they think. Yes.

And it was like this light bulb of like, man, how much can I do that I never thought that I could do? And it was like, it opened me up so much. And so did birth center for number 2, water birth. And then for number 3, I was like, I'm ready for a home birth. So I got the pool in my living room, and midwife didn't get there in time. So my husband is the midwife. The 3 babies— no, the 2 other babies are asleep in their rooms. It's like 11 at night. And I tell my husband, I'm like, I think the baby's coming. Like, because at 6 PM-ish, I was like, I'm cramping. I'm kind of, you know, but I don't think I'm having a baby tonight. And then like by 9 o'clock, I was like stripped naked in my room. I'm like, oh yeah, it's happening.

My midwife— y'all have not watched this video. We'll put the link. It is the best video ever.

It's happening. So then Which I'm so amazed that y'all caught it on video.

Yeah.

Oh, it was literally like, baby, no lights, no production, iPhone on a tripod. Yes. Not even on a tripod. It was propped up on the couch. That's right. It was propped up on the couch. And yeah, it was like, okay, let's go. I sat in that tub for like 10 minutes and he just came out. And my husband, you'll see if you watch the video, that like, he's like, I got him. But his cord was wrapped around his neck. Neck, and he just undid his cord.

That was the most fun for me, is listening to and watching your husband. Oh yeah, cuz you're kind of, you know, you're there, it's happening.

I'm in mode. I'm here.

He's like, he's like, okay babe, the cord is— okay, hold on, I got him, I got him, babe. Like, like the sound in his voice of I did this, you know what I mean? It was like level up husband.

Oh my God, oh my God, that was such a— it was such a spiritual moment. Mind-blowing spiritual, beautiful, crazy experience. Oh my God, we— that changed us. It was just like we were already on this path, but that just like— me and you, me and you— like, it just took it to another place. So yeah, after that, I mean, it was like no-brainer that we would continue having home births and had my daughter at the house, same spot, same pool. Um, and I just, I love it. If there's some— there's like a high to it that's like beyond any best night out, you know. Anything, because I used to live that life too. And I'm like, man, that high of birthing a child fully aware, fully sober, open spiritually, physically releasing yourself to your physical body, but like being in this partnership with God, transitioning this baby out of— it's like you're hyped talking about it. You're like, hey, oh my God, I love it.

There's nothing like it. Oh my goodness. And I mean, it's like however babies get here, I mean, I've had them all. I've had the home birth, I've had the C-section, I've had the hospital. Had the undrugged, I've had the gimme the epidural, I've had all of them. Oh my God. Yeah.

Wait, so what number was the home birth?

Attempted number 2. Okay. And done 3 and 4.

Okay. So after a C-section. Yeah.

So you had a VBAC? I had a VBAC times 2. So my first one was Karris. Okay. In the hospital. Yeah. 19. Didn't know any better. I don't know why I said I wasn't going to have drugs, but I didn't. And I remember thinking after that, wow. Why do we have to do all of this if I'm not doing the drugs? Like, I've done this at this point. And my husband was struggling. So, number 2— Oh. 'Cause we weren't married for number 1. OK. Another situation. Yeah. Number 2, he was like, ah. And so, we did a nurse midwife. Oh, OK. And she was great. Yeah. But more intervention than probably we needed to have it. Anyway, asynclitic, came down cocked, and then we had to go to the hospital. So, he's my C-section baby. Oh, OK. And then, 3 was— was, um, yeah, home. And 4 was home. It was great.

Oh my God. So did you do just like standing? Were you in squatting? Like, what was your position?

Oh my gosh. I got in and out of the tub. Okay. A little bit, because they thought it was slowing me down. But my 4th one was born on a birth stool. Do you know what a birth stool is? Yes. And this birth stool was rudimentary. Yeah. It was like straight up pipes. I think the baby was born because I was like, you know, TMI. If you sit on the toilet for a really long time and everything starts getting numb and you're like, oh yes, I just was like, I got to get up, but I can't get up from this. Like, I need to get up after this baby is out. Yeah. And I just think I just leaned in because I was ready to get up.

Yes. Like, you leaned in, pushed her out. Yeah.

I literally was like, I'm sick of sitting on this birth stool. Yeah. Like, I'm ready to go. Yeah. Yeah, but my midwife, when you talk about it being a spiritual thing. So I had a traumatic birth with number 3, and my midwife with number 4, she came. Well, there's nothing like a woman being with you, you know, apart from your husband. There's nothing like another woman. Yeah. She came and laid on the bed and she just was stroking my side, stroking my hip. And she said, you're not having this baby because you're afraid that this is not going to be a good birth. So you need to decide. Oh my God. And it's okay either way. Do you want to go to the hospital so you feel safer? Or do you want to get this baby out here? The decision's up to you, but we need— I need you to decide. You either need to agree with your fear and go where you feel safe, or you need to not let fear dictate what you want to do and lean into what you're designed to do. And I support you either way. And I was like, I can't do it, Molly. I can't do it.

I can't do it, Molly. But that is the power of a midwife. Wife. Yes, I— that, that right there, because I had a very similar moment where my midwife did the exact same thing with me. I was having the thing, um, I'm not even going to say it publicly because I haven't had conversations with people yet, but it was something similar to that where she was like, Jade, yes, you're not—

people around. Yes. Uh-huh. Yeah. And she told me, she said, listen, I literally said out loud— this was baby number 2— I said, I'm so sorry this is taking so Because everybody was around. And she said, she said, "We're not having this baby. They're not having this baby. You're having it." But I could not shake it.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's— will stall you.

So, the next baby, yes. So, the next baby, she was just like, "You can have whoever you want to have here, but it's very clear you can't focus when you're concerned about everybody else." Everybody was so mad at me because I called them when the baby got there. They were like, "Wait a minute, what?" I was like, "I know, I couldn't.

I couldn't do it with y'all here." Yeah, it's literally a biological thing. There's like a name for it where you will stall it's like a mammal thing where if the mother does not feel safe, 100%, that baby will not come out. It will like stop. And so I just think about that, 'cause I experienced the same thing. I literally, I feel like I was going into labor one day and it literally stopped because I had that moment. My midwife was like, "It's okay. You're actually not as dilated as you think." And da da da, like, "You need to decide what you wanna do." And I was like, "Okay, it's not happening." happening. Tell everybody go home. Tell everybody get out of my house, okay? And everybody left, and I ended up having the baby like maybe 2 days later. And it was only my husband, my— one of my younger sisters, and my kids were there. They like— all my kids watched, and my husband was there, my midwife. And my— I was holding on to my midwife like— because I'm used to my husband just being there. And I— my midwife for my second baby was there too, but we weren't as personal because it was like a midwife team. Yeah, yeah. But with my midwife, Terri, she was my midwife for number 3 and number 4. She missed number 3, so she was there for number 4. So when I say this woman is my sister, yes, it was like my sister was helping me birth my baby. And I was like, okay, Mark, okay, Terri, yes, I'm holding on to you. I'm like—

and a good midwife will help your husband be in the right spot. Yes. Do the right thing.

I don't even know where he was, honestly. I don't even know where he was with baby number 4.

—because you had 3 other kids you was tending to.

And my sister was too. I don't even know, but I just know Tari was right there with me. And I'm like, I wish more moms could have that experience with another woman.

That's great, because I want to cycle back around to the motherhood conversation. Yeah. So you talked about your mom and moving around and nurture. And kind of what you're talking about here is this nurture. Yeah. Do you ever feel— I know that all things are possible, I know that God gives us everything we need, but do you ever feel ill-equipped to nurture your children? Or do you feel like, I feel great because I know exactly what I didn't get and I'm giving it all?

So I used to feel inadequate. I had postpartum depression after my second because I was— my mommy issues were colliding with my own motherhood journey, and I felt inadequate because that, that transition from one to two is like when you're realizing like, oh wait, hold on, how do I do both? And I also went to therapy and I was like getting out like what was happening with me that was making me feel inadequate. And it was that— it was like I realized that I didn't get the nurturing and emotional like, um, rearing that I needed and I was finally allowing myself to, like, accept that. From who? From— well, accept that that was the reality for me as a kid. Got it. Because I never would let myself think that my mother ever did not anything enough, because she did so much. Yeah. Like, she was incredible. She's an incredible woman. But the two can coexist.

Yes. That I have a great mom, but maybe my mom didn't give me everything I needed.

And that was what helped me Also, listen, Karris has had to go to therapy for me.

I can tell you that right now.

Well, you were 19.

Yeah, I don't think I did a great job, but I, but I think that even when parents are great, you live— if you live long enough, the cape comes off.

Yes. And that was the moment for me where I realized that my mom was not Superwoman, and my dad too. But I had created these like versions of them in my mind. All of us do it with our parents where they were like the best thing and like, you know, but actually if I didn't recognize what I was yearning for as a child, then I wasn't going to be able to like grow as a mom because I was realizing in these very honestly painful ways that I wasn't the type of mom I wanted to be at that time. And I didn't want to be the type of mom that my mom was for me. And that wasn't just from a perspective of, you know, oh, like something finicky. It was my mom had to work. She was in the military, enlisted. So like her lifestyle, she wasn't getting up and like having a slow morning with me. That didn't exist. She was up at 5 o'clock in strapping her boots on, putting on her BDUs, and out the house and dropping me off at the, the child care center from the moment I can remember.

Now here's a question. Do you think that you believe that you know or have accepted that even if you are giving all of the best nurture in the world to your children, that there will be a deficit?

I do believe that. Okay. I believe that. I know it. That's why I'm like, I— when people say it goes too fast, enjoy every moment, I really do. I think that's why God led us to homeschool, because I get to squeeze and touch my babies. Oh my gosh. My daughter read her first word and it felt like I watched her walk for the first time. I'm like, I helped you do that. And at the same time, I didn't do that. Yeah, you did that like by yourself. But I get to witness those moments with them and I didn't realize that. That when God put it on my heart to do that, to homeschool. Because like, that was never— I didn't grow up with people who homeschooled. I was always in a very structured environment my whole life. So this idea that like I'd be at the house with my kids as they grow up, like that didn't exist. That world didn't exist for me. There was no example of that for me to go off of. So with that being said though, I know that there are going to be things in the world that they're not prepared for from me, right? They're not going to get some things that they may need in the world from me.

I asked that question because I think homeschooler, home birther, content creator, Type A. Yeah, you know, driven. You know, these gifts work. Yeah, there can be this mindset for life in general, but especially in motherhood, where we set ourselves up to fail if we don't already have built-in grace for— I'm gonna do my best. God loves these kids more than I do. I'm gonna do my best and take them as far as I can, and then he's gotta do the rest, you know? And so, I think, see so many women tripping up and falling over that when something is not adding up, or, "I did all these things, but it's happening." Oh, I'm still gonna have those moments.

I'm confident that I'm going to have those moments with my kids. But it's a matter of, for me, just being ready to like, embrace them when they come, and process the real emotions of that, in the moment and not like tuck them away or act like they're not there. Like, I spent most of my life pretending like my reality wasn't what it was. Like, we are—

I was gonna say, it's almost like what you were saying before. I am living my life authentically, sampling some of it for the world. Yes. Observing it internally. Yes. Adjusting as needed, but living authentically.

And that just simply means that I'm going to— to face the reality, the truth of my life, however it looks. I'm going to face it. That's my commitment to myself, to God, to my family. Like, I'm not saying that I'll never, like, think I did an amazing job at something and then, like, find out that my kids hated it or it didn't work or whatever. It's like being okay with that being the reality of the situation and knowing what to do with myself in the moments when it happens. I feel like before, I would always pretend like things weren't what they were. I pretended what I wanted them to be. And that's a very precarious situation to be in. And it's not good in the sense that if I'm doing that with anything that makes me feel uncomfortable, makes me feel bad, makes me feel pain, then I'm not operating in a spirit of truth anymore. And now I'm getting real confused because my reality is actually not matching up with the story I'm telling myself in my mind to make me feel better in the moment. It's a coping mechanism, but it's not the truth. And so like, for me, I've always been this way, but I'm like, I don't like fake. I don't like nothing fake. I don't like when people try to like, you know, dance around stuff or like, haha, kiki, but it ain't really that. Like, I'm not— I just have always been able to read the room for what it really is. And for the longest time, I quieted myself, quieted that discernment, because it was easier and felt better to make my own story up and believe what I want to believe. So with the conversation around motherhood, it's like, I'm fully aware. I even had a conversation with my sister, my twin sister, who— her, her daughter goes to an incredible, like, private Christian school. Like, she's super smart, but a very structured environment. She's in all these extracurriculars. And we were having this conversation, we kind of came butted heads a little bit because she was like, well, what are you gonna do if, like, they need more help in certain subject areas? And like, you know, she was like, I'm working on this stuff with my daughter who's in second grade. And I'm like, whoa, this is like a lot. I don't remember how to do this. And then she got a tutor and like, now she's better. And I was like, honestly, uh, I think our goals for our children's education is just different. My goal for homeschool is not for them to be the smartest kid in the room. My goal for homeschool is to build them up to be the most kind person in the room, the most loving person in the room. They may not know— they may not know all the things in the books. I don't, I don't necessarily feel led that they need to. For that, you know, we got ChatGPT and all the things that they'll be fine. Yeah. And at the end of the day, I was like, I was like, we're gonna have a deficit somewhere. Maybe when my kids are older, they're gonna be like, Mom, why didn't you just put us in school? Because now we feel like we're behind. And I'll say, well, you'll figure it out just the same way I figured figure it out with, with the lack over here or the extra over there, whatever. You figure it out. I'm going to teach you how to figure it out because I don't know everything. And the way the world is changing every second, what we're learning today may not even be relevant 10 years from now. So what I can do is, in our homeschool, is build you up in a way where you know how to hear God for yourself, you know how to figure some conflict resolution, some critical thinking skills, some problem-solving skills, and you can make something out of nothing. If that's all you get from homeschool, then you're gonna be good. There's a lot of people in this world today who don't figure things out, and they can go to the best schools, they graduate from Harvard, and they still go into a job and say, but wait, you didn't give me me a schedule. So like, what do you— how do you want the paperclip to sit? And how do you want—

and it's like, okay, where— you're, you're a twin, twin, but what's, what's the sibling situation?

So me and my sister are the twins. My mom and dad had us, divorced. Okay. They were married for 9 years, divorced. My dad remarried, had 2 boys, my 2 brothers, they're white. And then my mom remarried another white man and had— because my mom is Black, and my mom remarried a white man, had two kids, my sister, my younger sister and my brother, who are mixed. They also divorced. So it's like I'm the oldest of everybody. Yes.

So, so even of the twins, you're the older? Okay, because you know you're, you're giving off a lot of firstborn vibes. What is the hardest thing right now? Like in one phrase, what, what is the hardest thing right now?

The hardest thing right I would say finding the balance between doing the things I'm supposed to do and keeping myself from falling back into the things that— doing things I only wanted to do.

Okay, what's the most fun right now?

The most fun is definitely my kids. They are— randomly homeschool has brought me so much joy. I was so against it. Oh my gosh, I was so against it until the Lord literally told us like, this is what you're supposed to do, me and my husband separately. And then we came together and he was like, I gotta talk to you about something. I was like, I gotta talk to you about something. He was like, what? Like, we gotta homeschool. He was like, oh my God, I was gonna say the same thing. I was like, whoa, okay, so we're supposed to do this anyway. I was very much against it, started doing it, and it has been so much fun. Like, me and them kids be jumping, dancing, singing, calling numbers out, calling letters out, um, just doing all the silly toddler stuff. And me and my, my daughter Sarai, she's 5. She loves all the girly stuff. We get to dress up, we get to— she's like, I want to do face masks, Mom, please can we do face masks? And then we can lay in the bed together and then we can watch a show together. And it like, she just love— and I'm like, this is literally like, if I didn't do anything else, if I could just be this mom to them, I'd be good. And my husband like supports everything, he does everything with us. And I'm like, I'm so loved on. Like, I'm like love bombed every day, but in the healthiest way. Like, he is obsessed with me. Like, it's crazy, but he's absolutely obsessed with me. And I'm like, this is why I continue to have his kids, because he cooks for me and I'm always happy. He just like loves on me so much. He's the sweetest man, but he's also so strong and so like, like very stern in the sense of like he will put me in my place. And I'm type Hey, not a lot of people can tell me what to do, but he can tell me what to do. And I love it. I was gonna say, and you like it. I like it. I love it. I'm just like, okay, tell me, okay? But it's just, I'm so loved. Like, there's so much love in my life. And I'm just like, man, I wanna stay here. But the crazy thing is like, I know that this season is going to transition at some point. That was my next question, my last question.

I know that you don't know, and I know that you're trying to follow as you're led, and you're letting God write the story. Yeah, but if based on what you can imagine, what you think, or even what you'd want, where do you think God is taking you?

It's in a place where we are self-sustained and living a set-apart life, and we are— I'm trying not to Okay, we're living in a way where we are surrounded by people who live like us, who believe like us, where when we are called out, we are still telling people about who God is, and we are not worried about how we're going to pay the bills in the sense that we're literally in service and we're in this flow of we really are good because God's good. And I don't know what that looks like in a tangible sense, but if I— if God has taken me this far and my family this far, like, I don't want to try to imagine his ways because they're higher. And if I can imagine it, then I'm too small, then it'll be better. Exactly. So I'm like, I love the mystery of like, I don't know what next year looks like. I don't know what 5 years— I have no 5-year plan. I have no 10-year plan. I don't live like that anymore. I literally am, okay God, what we doing? Like, how you— because this God is here, so I'm gonna keep doing this. And that's where, like, even when people introduce me or like do stuff, I'm like, just introduce me as Jade. You don't need to title. You don't need to say what I do. I honestly do not I don't care, but I just want to be able to show up and like share with you like what God is doing in my life, in my family's life. And I know that if the Holy Spirit is telling me to say something to you, then there is a piece to a puzzle that is so much bigger than what I know that's going on. And I'm just excited to be part of the contribution to that for you, for anybody watching. Like, that's, that's where I get joy, and it's fun for me. Like, and I get to be creative every day. Like, man, and I'm happy here.

Listen, everybody can't say that. I know. I think that's the best thing about watching you is because you're living in all of these different segments of your life, and you know, nothing's perfect, but it's clear you're happy here. That video that I was watching where you and your husband are talking about the birth story, the longer video, uh-huh, and the way you're sitting there holding the baby with your legs crossed and your leg is just kicking, you know, y'all are going back and forth. I'm like, you set up a camera camera so that y'all could have a conversation and you could just record the conversation that y'all wanted to have. But he's excited talking about it, you're excited talking about it, the way y'all are bantering back and forth, sharing space for each other's excitement, the kids are running in front of the camera, you know, you're sitting there. I mean, the whole thing just said— it just said contentment. Yeah. And that's a great place to be.

Isn't that the goal? Like, ah, to just like live a life where you're content with how God has set it up. I mean, I feel like that's what I've been fighting for my whole life, because I feel like a lot of us are chasing accolades, chasing lifestyles that we dream about, chasing relationships, chasing whatever. And it's like, I'm tired of striving for something that I'm trying to like maneuver and produce myself like, what if I just allowed God to, like, lead me? And when he says go talk to that person, talk to him. When he says hit her up, hit her. Like, and just, just do that. Don't try to plan it out. Like, were the people in the Bible days planning stuff out 10 years in advance? I don't think they were. So it's like, why do we? Because the world says so. And my husband tells me that a lot. He's like, don't bringing the worldly ways in here. We don't work like that. God clearly has set things up different for us, and it's not just because we're Jade and Mark Godbolt. It's because when you trust him, he will do his thing. He, he, he will do the ideal for you because you actually don't know the ideal for you. He does. So if you trust him and just— and I'm like, that's why God has me here. He's like, I want you to show people what it look like. This is what it looks like. And it'll be like your own customized version. So maybe you don't want your husband at home with the kids. Maybe you want that flipped. Maybe, you know, and it could be like that. But it's like there's diversity in the way God works our lives out. So don't look at somebody else and say, oh, I want that. Yeah. And I want that. And so I'm gonna put them together and I'm gonna make my life look like this.

Gotta walk out the front door barefoot if you can. Yes. Find a tree, talk to God, and say, what are we doing today?

Couldn't say it better myself.

It's so great. Well, thanks for letting the world watch, and thanks for letting me watch. It's a lot of fun. Oh, this is— and I gotta get my roller set game and my Olaplex and all the other things together.

I'm telling you, because the roller set will have your hair— today your hair will look one way, and 6 months from then, oh, you're gonna be like, I have a different head a head of hair. It's just— it's gonna change your life, I'm telling you. It's— and there's something therapeutic and spiritual about slowing down to do your hair. Oh, I think it's a thing.

I think it's a thing, because if you don't have time to do your hair, what are you doing with your life?

Hello? These are like things that are so simple.

Do it again. Hello? Yes, I was gonna say, you got to give the little twist, a little bounce, a little shake, you know.

I'm not telling you you need a roller set, but I'm just saying this is the best hair of life. And yeah, well, this is fun.

Yeah, thank you for letting me talk about all the things and be vulnerable.

I feel like I've like laid out my life. No, it's been good on the table.

But you know what, that's what you said you're supposed to do. Live, live authentically. Let people see. Let God be real. And then let them figure out for themselves what it looks like to walk with him in that way. Yeah, this is great. Yeah, thank you.

And you look cute and your hair is great. Thank you. Can I hug you? I feel like I want to hug you. Thank you.