Jennifer Lucy Tyler on Growing Your Community

I am joined by Jennifer Lucy Tyler today, and it's a privilege for me to get to talk to her, um, and also to get to have this first conversation with her with you. I always spend a little bit of time chatting with my guests when I'm able to, um, before we record, just so I could get a little bit more familiar. And I can already tell you that you're in for a treat today. Jennifer Lucy Tyler is committed and passionate to teaching God's word to women who want to get to know him better through the study of his word. But what I love about her the most so far is she is a multi-passionate person who is also multi-talented and does a variety of things. Um, she is at the recording of this episode expecting her first baby, and so I'm watching her sit and I can even tell by the way she's sitting. Yeah, yeah, you're carrying.

It's amazing.

I'm glad I had a chance to catch her before she goes on maternity leave and for you to get a chance to know about her so that you can be impacted by her work, her ministry, and her message. Welcome, Jennifer, to the show.

Thank you so much. I'm excited for this conversation.

Now, Jennifer Lucy Tyler— why the full name? Why do we go by the full name?

You know, I used to hate my middle name, uh, growing up. I didn't like the Lucy. And when I got older, I began to really adopt an appreciation for it because I'm named after two grandmothers, one my paternal grandmother and my great-grandmother, who's Lucille, my paternal grandmother, who is Lucy. And they were amazing women. And I was— I just grew to love the name as an adult, and I said, well, let me embrace it now, because when I was younger, I, I just was like, why is my name Lucy? I didn't like it.

Now I know that you were in your early 40s expecting your first baby, and you have so many things that you're doing, but I want to just take a minute and kind of learn a little bit more about your trajectory. So before you were Jennifer Lucy Tyler the Bible Teacher, before you were Jennifer Lucy Jennifer Lucy Tyler, the business owner, before you were Jennifer Lucy Tyler, the writer, and maybe there is no before, maybe you were always all those things to some degree, but what did your path look like? Because I think when someone ends up as a Bible teacher, or if they have a membership that they manage and that they steward, or that they become a business owner, what's usually different than a person who became a doctor or became a nurse or became a lawyer or, you know, spent the majority of their lives being an administrative or an executive assistant is There's an interesting path that takes you because you don't normally come out of college saying, you know what, I'm gonna be a Bible teacher and then I'm gonna own my own. You don't, you don't start out that way. So can you walk me through at a high level kind of what the highlights are of your 20s and 30s, how you got to the point to be doing what you're doing now?

Early 20s, I was Jennifer Lucy Tyler, the confused person. Jennifer Lucy Tyler, the confused woman trying to follow a path that her friends were doing, like, you know, graduate from high school, go to college, get a degree, start work, like trying to follow this path. But also there were lots of wrong paths that I was following. I was apart from Christ, and so I didn't necessarily grow up with a relationship with God, even though I had a relationship with church. So I was introduced to church being young, but I didn't come into a relationship with God until I was 25 years old. That's what changed the trajectory. That's what changed and shifted things within my life. Uh, at 25 years— well, I guess it was 24 years old, uh, my mother committed her life to Christ, and things begin to change. Like, she used to— I would hear her praying, and I would see her praying, uh, in my bedroom and anointing my, my room when I stayed with her. And wow, all of those things, uh, begin to change that I wasn't used to seeing growing up. And I remember she invited me to church, and it was a lock-in that my pastor's wife was having at the time, and I didn't want to go. So I asked my best friend, I said, can you come with me? I don't want to be around all these church people by myself. And she came, and it was during that event in July of 2004 where the Lord, it was through a drama presentation of the gospel, just really grabbed my heart and hers, my best friend at the time. And God started doing a work in me then. I remember Um, I was in a— when I say I was confused, I was in a same-sex relationship at the time. And I remember being in that relationship and then all of a sudden I'm sneaking reading the Bible, I'm sneaking looking up Bible schools and different things like that while I'm in that relationship. And That same year in 2004, a couple of months later, September 2004, my best friend who was with me, uh, at that church event was murdered in DC. And when that happened, it was like the only thing that could bring me any peace or any solace was being in the presence of God, being in the church, uh, being even at my mother's house at the time, uh, because, you know, she was— she had become a woman of God and things were changing. I, I was just searching for peace after that. And so that search for peace after my best friend was killed September 2004, who had just given her life to Christ in July with me, like, that shifted so, so much. And actually, uh, I won't say she just had given her life to Christ. She, she was in the rededication portion. I had just really given my life to Christ, and I, uh, that changed everything. That started to shape my purpose. Um, I remember I used to go to church and I would just— I would go even when it wasn't a Sunday and just to be on the campus at the time, just to see if it was something I could do, people I could be around. I started looking for community. That same-sex relationship that I was in, after my best friend was killed, about 2 months later, I asked my mother, "Could I move back home?" And I wanted to walk away from it all. And I didn't know, um, I didn't know what the future held. I didn't know if I would be married or anything like that. That wasn't what I was trying to do. I just knew I needed Jesus. That's it. And so whatever it was going to take, I knew I needed the Lord. And he began to just shape purpose within me in that process at 25 years old.

Wow, wow. I have so many questions. Let me start with this one. First of all, you were 24 when you went to the lock-in?

Yeah, either 24 or 23. Um, I'm thinking she passed away at 24. Yeah, I was 24 years old.

Because I'm like, most of the time you hear about church lock-ins being for youth. So I'm like, what kind of lock-in was this? Was it— that's like for the women of the church or whatever?

Yeah, it was a women's ministry lock-in.

That sounds like a lot of fun.

It was. They were doing a lot.

Which I was going to say, the other part of that that's interesting to me is that typically I wouldn't associate— not that we shouldn't— but I wouldn't associate a lock-in with an opportunity to cast vision for coming to Christ or the gospel, you know what I mean? It's normally like, sometimes we have church events because we're just wanting to make sure women have fun, you know? Like, yeah, like, let the church be a place where women can gather and have a good time. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But when you said, you know, that was the— you know, we never know when somebody comes through the doors of the church. You never know when somebody comes to the doors of the church what opportunity someone needs to meet Jesus, which I think is amazing. Did you grow up going to church? Were you like, we didn't do church? Like, what was your upbringing like?

So I grew up experiencing church with my mom on holidays like Easter.

Yeah.

Uh, but then, um, I also had an aunt who moved in with us, uh, and my aunt was spirit-filled, church-going woman who she would take her children to church and she would also take me. And that's how I got exposed to the Bible. Even being a young girl, I used to love all of the Bible stories, you know. I remember I used to have dreams about like different things in the Bible being a young girl. But then when we moved from that, uh, when we moved from that attachment with my aunt, it was when I was a teenager. And during those teen years where I really needed to be connected to the church, to the Lord the most, that was when we got disconnected and I wasn't going to church.

So here's the other big thing that I think is very interesting to me, and I, I— you had a period of time where you were exposed or re-exposed to, um, Saving Grace, and you made a decision to engage, which you said you were still in that same-sex relationship and you were sneaking and reading your Bible. I'm assuming that you were going to church during this time.

Uh, every now and then I was going to church when I would go visit my mother. So there were times I would go and stay with my mom, and then I would go to church with her.

Okay, so I'm always curious, uh, I'm always thoughtful about the balance of truth in church while people are changing. We have a way in church of talking about sin, lifestyle choices, challenges in a way that I often when I can think of someone that I know that I hope comes to church, or I hope visits church, or I hope watches church online. And I'll literally be thinking some Sundays, ooh, I hope they're not in here today, because I'm thinking about— yeah, I'm thinking about how they are hearing or perceiving, not what is being said, but how it's being said. Um, and that transition, you know, you hear all the time about the church being a hospital and people aren't supposed to come because they're well. They're supposed to come because they need Jesus and they got stuff they need to work through. And we have in church, in religion, in culture, things that we're okay with people working through. And then there are things that we're just not sure what to do with people while they're working through it, you know. And so I was curious really about your experience in the middle. Um, yeah, if you were— if you felt welcomed, if you felt estranged, if you felt like I gotta get myself together before I can get involved. If you felt invited, loved as you were, um, so even though you were kind of in and out of church, I'm curious, as you were engaging and re-engaging, what that experience was like for you. Huh.

I sat under some rough sermons. I sat under some rough, hard things that Uh, today I would not recommend any pastor to preach in that way as it pertains to that topic. Uh, but I sat under it, and I think what it was was the love from the people that I met that really kept me engaged more so than the type of preaching that I was under at that time. Uh, it was, it was God's love. It was God's love from people, uh, that kept me going, that made me feel like even though that this was something that I was working through, uh, and that was a part of my story and that my, and my past, that I was still welcome and Uh, it was that that made me want to continue to come. And then when I began to meet other women, uh, around in my age group, that really, uh, kept me there, uh, because I started establishing community. Uh, that was something that was strong, and anyone will tell you that, uh, when they're in, uh, any, you know, uh, LGBTQIA community, that the community is strong there. Uh, people will rally around you. They become family. And so, uh, that was something that I, I needed. And so when I came into the church and then community rallied around me and be— and became family That was so helpful, and that opened me up to being discipled, uh, and that is how my life began to change from that community where I was being discipled and didn't realize I was being discipled.

Yeah, I was going to say, what does that mean? Because we have this picture of discipleship sometimes, and it's not an incorrect picture, it's just not the only picture. People feel like I gotta meet you for coffee every Thursday morning at 7 AM because we have to spend an hour going deductively through the word. And if it doesn't look like that, um, then that discipleship— it's not discipleship. I always tell the story of— this has nothing to do with Jesus, but there was a woman who, um, had told me I was having trouble with one of my kids in school, and she said, you know, you ought to consider homeschooling. And I was like, I could never do that. And then, um, she was trying to tell me how simple it was She said, you should just come over and just hang out with me for a day. So I literally later on did that. I came, I brought a book to read, I brought a little crossword puzzle, and I just sat in her house to watch her do it. Then I came back, and then I said, can I look in your drawers? Because how do you stay organized? Like, where do you put everything? And she just let me poke around her life. And then of course later, as I had questions, and as I— she— but she— we never sat down and had a meeting. That it was just— yeah, she'd let me be in her life. So what did discipleship— you know, when you say hanging out, what did that look like looking back? How were you discipled? What did that look like?

Well, it started by— I was— I met this girl in a new members class, or, uh, one of the— it was called perfecting class or something like that. And she gave me a compliment on what I had on, and then, then she said, uh, she thought I was from uh, her, her town. She's from New Orleans, um, and she was like, you look like you from, you from New Orleans. I was like, no girl, I'm from Southeast DC, you know. After that conversation, we began connecting, and she invited me over to her house. She was like, you should hang out with us, like, after church. I'm cooking. And it was like, okay, I'll come. And I remember telling, uh, my mom, I was just like, man, like, I hope they're not weird, you know, going over there. Like, I just, I was very hesitant at first, like, just wondering, like, how was it hanging out with church girls? Uh, but I came over and I found out that they were cool, like, they were normal people. It wasn't a second church service, you know. They were cooking, they were talking, they were playing cards and games and things like that. And from that, I began to develop a relationship with this one, uh, girl, and I would hear I would hear the conversations. I would hear the conversations about the Bible as they're playing cards or, you know, just doing what it is that a 20-something-year-old would do. And it was in those environments that discipleship started happening organically, so to speak, where then there would be times where they would open the Bible and I would ask questions and, you know, those types of things. Started off really with just hanging out and doing what young 20-somethings would do in Christ and just having a good time, joking, you know, laughing, like just being human. And, uh, me being invited into that and seeing that, wow, they are normal, they are cool, but they also love Jesus. Like, this is—

they're not weird people.

They're not No one's doing drugs on the table. Like, all of that. They're still having a good time. Like, okay, I can do this. And it made me want to come around more. And that relationship with that, uh, that I have with that particular young woman, it grew. And I began to learn more and more just by being around her and some other, uh, young ladies as well.

Listen, community matters. Sometimes our communities come in shapes or forms that we don't expect, or we think that the people who are around us would never be our people. You just never know. What's important is that you are intentional about putting yourself in and around communities of people who are going to help you grow, help you develop, help you to be more of the person you're supposed to be. And sometimes it's hit or miss. Sometimes you try that group at church, or you try that group of women in your neighborhood, or you try that group of people that you are, um, on the PTA with at school, or you try this running group and it doesn't really turn out that it's a fit. Don't stop trying. I do realize that sometimes we try and it's not working out the way we thought. This is one of the reasons why I created the Inner Circle. I believe that in real life relationship is always, always, always the best thing. But when you don't have that or need more than what you have, the Inner Circle community is a way where you can connect with women who love God and who are aware that they are called for a purpose, and they don't want to waste any time with aligning their life with God's purpose. The Inner Circle is a place where you'll not only connect in community with other women, but you'll connect more with me. Where I am there mentoring, coaching, sharing, teaching, and where I also bring other women in to do the same. Community— you were built for it. And I know that you may have for a while been on your own, and maybe you've decided you think you like it like that. I don't care. You were designed for community. There are some things that will only happen in your life when you connect with other people. Why? Because you were built for it. So I want to invite you to look around in your real life and think about where community can grow. And if you need community right now or need more of the community that you desire, consider joining the Inner Circle. There is another opportunity for community, and I want to tell you about that as well. I am taking a group of women with me to California this 2023 October. Why? In real life. Remember, sometimes things only develop, they only sprout, they only grow like wildfire when you make intentional time to stop life and make room to gather with other women. Do you have to know all the women? No. In fact, some of the best connections and community have happened when we've held events and women who didn't know each other got to know each other. So I want to invite you to come to that too. Now, how can you find out more about either one of those things? Well, to think about joining my community and to learn more, go to thesistercircle.com/innercircle. If you'd like to find out more about this October's retreat, you can go to thesistercircle.com/retreat. If you'd like to be a VIP at the retreat, just know that the only VIPs at this October's retreat will be those women who are attending the retreat who are also in the Inner Circle. I am right now preparing and getting so excited about our plans for the rest of this year and kicking off the next. And I would love to connect with you in a deeper way. So go get your community in real life. And if you need more or would like more from me and the girls that I call friends, then consider joining the Inner Circle or joining me at that retreat. Now, this conversation with Jennifer Lucy Tyler is so real. I love her willingness to just say it like it is. And so let's get back. To Chatting with Jennifer. So at what point did you realize, okay, I'm going to teach the Bible? Or maybe it didn't start there. Maybe it started with, I'm going to lead a Bible study. How did that change or how did you end up entering that space?

I'm just trying to think because it's been, you know, that has evolved in so many different seasons, but I really was looking for other women to just go through the Bible with. And it started out with, uh, not only did I like serve in church and I may have taught a class in church, but outside of the church I realized there are so many women that aren't connected yet to a church body. But they're, they're interested, they're, they're wondering about the Bible. And so one day I had this event called Sisters Day Out, and I literally rented a, uh, a room in a library, made all the chairs into a circle, brought my Bible. And I have to show you, I'm gonna have to show you this picture, uh, because this was probably early 2000, uh maybe 2007 or so. And I brought out my Bible. I had bought donuts and we were in a library going through the scriptures. And it's so funny because I have to apologize for people that may have come back then because I probably was teaching them wrong. I was so zealous and I was excited and I just had passion to get women together and let's open up this Bible together. And let's learn, you know. And so, uh, it started because it was something that I wanted but didn't necessarily have on a consistent basis.

That's great.

I'm the type of person, when I don't have it, it's like, okay, well, you're gonna create it. Exactly.

Yeah, I think we give— in today's world where Bible studies are products and where everything is so glossy. And that's not necessarily bad, you know what I mean? Like, the Bible studies are done well and the books are produced and the marketing is slick and, you know, it's all nicely packaged. And is it digital, virtual? Can I download it? We forget—

I had none of that when I started.

Well, and we forget that honestly, even though we have it now, sometimes the best thing to do is be zealous, be passionate, and say, I just want to do this with other people, and I don't know what I'm doing, but you're more than welcome to come to my house or meet me at the library, or let's meet at a coffee shop and go through this together. Let's discover this together. There's power in us not doing it perfectly, actually.

Actually, yeah, it's so much power. And I look back at those days and they were just so sweet, and women still remember those Sisters Day out events that we would have. Like, I just would market it on a Facebook event, uh, group, and it was just sweet times.

So now you spend your time doing a lot. You of course have Soul Circles, which is an opportunity for women to join you in the form of a membership to have master classes for, um, where they're engaging with you but also other Bible teachers, where they have downloadable study resources and worksheets, access to a community of like-minded women, additional access to you. So if you're wanting to experience small group inductive Bible study, you've created now a membership platform to do this. So it's not just local, it can also be virtual. But you also teach, you speak, you write, you're an entrepreneur, you're a coach, you own, um, a business. You have a lot going on. You are in your early 40s, about to have your first baby, and you have to the birth of this child, um, through, you know, a season of, of, um, challenge, um, with miscarriages and, um, just the infertility journey that you've had. One of the things I think that people struggle with the most, um, and this applies to somebody who's walked with the Lord all their life, even before they knew that they knew that they knew Jesus, right? It just, it's always been a part of it. Or someone who has come to know Jesus as a choice that they made when they're an adult. A big rock for all of us will be when bad things happen to good people, when bad things happen for no reason, when I'm asking God to do something and he doesn't, when I ask him again and he doesn't do it again, and I'm trying to understand this God that answers prayer. And that's one of the big trips— trip-ups, I think, for people who are presented with faith. They have all these questions, You know, why does God let good things— bad things happen to good people? Or, this happened to me. If God was actually good, if he actually cared about me, why would this happen to me? So not that that's the only bad thing that's happened to you in your life, but I'm curious, you know, you mentioned coming to faith at a time when your best friend was murdered, and then you've mentioned, um, become— coming into motherhood. And, um, just having read about you a little bit beforehand, knowing that that's been a part of that season, what have you learned about God through the questions that you've had to ask God based on the hard things that you've experienced in your life? What, what have you learned and, um, how did you wrestle? What did the wrestle look like for you with the loss of your friend? And what has the wrestle looked like for you with the loss of children that you'll meet one day?

Um, man. You know, it's interesting that you connected those. I have found that through my greatest losses, the loss of my best friend, the loss of my father a couple of years ago, that— and even the loss of children, um, especially the loss of children— that God has used those moments to draw me into him. I have found that in those dark moments, if I tried to seek hope or peace or anything outside of that, that it just would not come. And that the peace of mind would come from my, I guess, intimacy with Christ, like bringing all of the hard stuff, bringing all of the questions, bringing all of the whys, bringing all of the tears, the anger, the hurt, and understanding that we have a God that, uh, what I learned over time is that we have a God that, uh, empathizes and understands hurt and pain because obviously like his son and the heart was was the ultimate, uh, he experienced ultimate pain, you know, being on the cross. And so just coming to that understanding, uh, I think what's interesting is that I've— sometimes these experiences can cause people to run away from the very person who is there to heal them. And, uh, for me, instead of running away from God because of that hurt, in his mercy and his grace, I've run to him. Uh, and it's so interesting that you asked this because I was just reading, uh, the Book of Job, uh, yesterday and this morning, and there's a scripture in Job 2:10 where he says Job is just speaking and he says, "Should we accept only good from God and not adversity?" And I love Job's perspective to those situations like when it rains, it pours, because we love to believe that God is sovereign over just all of the good stuff that happens in our lives. Not that he's sovereign over the hard things that he allows. Um, and although, uh, I'm not coming here with, uh, an answer— I don't think we have, uh, explanations for why God may allow certain things in certain seasons— but we can trust that he's good through the hard. And what I found is that in those hard moments, he's used everything, uh, for my good and for his glory. Um, it was out of the pain of losing my best friend that I gave my life to Christ and surrendered, um, completely to the Lord. It was from the pain of losing my father that, uh, I was able to connect even more more deeply with my mom, moving her in our home for a period of time and seeing her life even change even more. It was the pain of the losses of our children that has allowed us to experience such immense joy in this season that we have today, not saying that we don't still grieve, you know, those losses. But, uh, just the joy that we have today is just— is just crazy. And so, um, and also people are impacted by this story of being— seeing us wait in hope. And so God is using even this infertility journey that we've experienced, uh, for his glory. And so those are some of the things that I have learned, um, from those difficult, tough times.

You know, I think when you said it's those circumstances that will cause people to run away from God, um, I think the hardest decision— what is that? There's a quote where, and I'm gonna butcher it, but it basically You know, a mile of a thousand journey— a journey of a thousand miles starts with taking the first step. And the hardest thing to do when you're mad at God for what he's allowed in your life, when you are— when you don't understand, um, is to go back to him, you know. But when you take that first step, he's right there. He's right there to meet you. And, you know, the Lord is such a gentleman in. He's not gonna knock your door down. He's not gonna barricade his way, you know, he's not gonna bulldoze his way in. He's not going to go into closets and rooms and corners that he's not invited to go in. But when you are willing and open, and even if you come back to him, um, the one of the things I love the most about the Lord is that he can handle all my stuff. He can handle me yelling and screaming. He can handle me crying. He can handle my questions. He can handle me questioning him. I mean, he can handle all that. And there's nothing that I can say or do in my grief, in my suffering, in my anger, in my pain that he hasn't heard before, right? Because I'm not the first one. I'm not the first one who had, you know, had this bad thing happen. So I love your settled confidence about the truth, which is if we seek peace anywhere else— and we will try— you don't get it. Yeah, you get it.

And I have tried I have tried to seek peace elsewhere during those times, and I would not get it. I would always be drawn back to the feet of Jesus, and that's where the peace would come. That's where the healing would come. Even through my tears and my screaming and my anger and all of that, it was the peace of God that would surpass all understanding, would guard my heart and mind in Christ. When I would come to him and relay all of that frustration during my suffering.

Mm-hmm. What is the last thing that you feel like God has taught you? Just a moment in time, a lesson you've learned, a principle, a change in your heart, a revelation of scripture— just whatever the first thing is that comes to mind. What is the most recent aha that you've had as you've gotten to know God better and got to know him through his Wow.

The most recent aha. The most recent aha, I would say, is the most consistent one throughout my life, is that he's with you, he's with me, and the suffering and the difficult seasons that that part of scripture where it says he will never leave you nor forsake you is so real and so true that even when and even during seasons of suffering where my grief, uh, and my anger, where I've allowed that to make me question God or to, uh, be angry, that even in that anger, uh, even in that and moments of discontentment, that he was still with me in that, uh, constantly drawing me back. And I'm so grateful for that, you know, as— because— and one of the things that I've been saying about this season is, God, you're so merciful that even during those moments where I may not have honored you with my lips or, uh, have just allow maybe that anger to even bring me to sin at some points, that you were still so— you were still there with me. You were merciful. You were good. And, you know, you constantly just drew me back in. And then at the perfect time, your perfect timing, you decide to open my womb. Uh, I just see, uh, that, that is my aha moment. The mercy of God, the goodness of God, the God that never leaves nor forsakes us, uh, in our adversity.

So, so good, and it's so true, so true. Thank you so much for letting me chat with you about all the things, get to know you. Y'all, if you're listening and you want to learn more about Jennifer Lucy Tyler, check her out. Her webpage is her name, Jennifer Lucy Tyler, and from there you can find her on all the socials.

On all the socials.

Yeah. Well, this has been great to get to know you. I look forward to continuing to do the same, and I look forward to seeing what this new baby looks like when you post, post about the birth and all the things and all the socials. Inquiring minds will want to know. We'll look forward to that day.

Yes, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna probably take a little time to keep her to myself, but I'll send you a photo.

Yeah, you should. Well, thanks again for being with me.

Thank you for having me.