In this second installment of the five‑week “Kingdom Woman Wednesday” series, Chrystal Hurst sits with her father, Dr. Tony Evans, to answer viewer questions about living out biblical womanhood. The conversation covers several practical topics: (1) a biblical view of dating, emphasizing reliance on the Holy Spirit, setting clear standards, and keeping the process natural; (2) how busy, multi‑role women can set boundaries aligned with biblical priorities to avoid burnout; (3) navigating marital tension when spouses attend different churches, recommending respectful compromise and honoring the husband; (4) responding to marital infidelity, stressing external accountability, clear consequences, and the need for repentance rather than mere apologies; (5) the role of forgiveness and healing, encouraging women to seek supportive women’s groups or churches, and pointing to resources such as Dr. Evans’s book Divorce and Remarriage and Focus on the Family. Throughout, the tone is conversational and pastoral, offering compassionate, scripture‑grounded guidance while acknowledging real‑world complexities.
Chapters
¡Hola! Hi everybody, it's Chrystal and I'm here with my dad, Dr. Tony Evans, and this is our second of 5 Wednesdays where we are meeting together. We said on every Wednesday that we are going to have a time to answer some of your questions. We'll answer as many as we can, and so I can answer some, but you're really good at answering questions and you've been doing it a long time, so I figured I'd rope you in. So the first question that we have comes from Catherine, and she was asking about dating. She wants to know what the biblical viewpoint of dating is. How should she do it? When is it too much? But how do you not do too little and not meet guys? And what would you say about that?
Well, of course, the American form of dating would be foreign to the Bible, where you just kind of bounce around from person to person until you hope you hit the right one. You should have a standard of what you want God to give you based on the biblical criteria for what a husband should be. And, um, then you want to ask the Holy Spirit to orchestrate your, your relationships and your friendships. And then you, you, you meet people, and just as you meet people, you ask the Holy Spirit to create a natural connection with a person that is potentially a potential for mate, being a mate. I don't think we bring the Holy Spirit enough into this process. We just bounce around on our own. So I think we bring the Holy Spirit into this process. He knows how to create intersections. He knows how to create connectivity where you pass somebody, somebody passes you, and a hello becomes something more than just that. So I think bring the Holy Spirit into the relationship. Set boundaries in your friendships, and let's see what, what the Holy Spirit, what cream the Holy Spirit brings to the top.
So you have some women who are confused because they're told you shouldn't date, that that's a Western thing, and then they're like, so is it okay if I meet the guy at Starbucks? And then you have other people who are trying to do everything they can, going to every singles function, eHarmony and everything. So how do you find balance between the two?
Do what is natural to you. Don't, don't, don't become unnatural trying to trying to create a relationship. Do what's normal. It's normal for you to go to church. It's normal for you to get together with singles. It's normal for you to meet people at work and have coffee with. Those are normal things. Then ask the Holy Spirit to take normal and turn it into something more when it's appropriate.
Awesome. That's good. Okay, so then we have a question from Deborah, and she's saying— and I'll maybe speak to this a little bit later— but she's saying she's just busy. She's a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend. She's overwhelmed. Um, got mother-in-laws pulling on her, mother's pulling on her, extended family, and it's just too much. So how can I handle all that drama and still be a kingdom woman? What would you say about that?
Well, you have to set boundaries. The only answer to that are boundaries within your biblical priorities. When things are coming at you that are pulling you out of your spiritual and biblical priorities, you know you're out of bounds. So operate within your boundaries. Then things that come to you outside of your boundaries, the question you have to answer is, is this a one-time thing or is this an ongoing thing? Because we're all pulled out of our boundaries from time to time. We shouldn't live outside of our boundaries.
Living outside of our boundaries causes us to be no good to anybody.
That includes yourself.
You're tired, you're sick, and you really can't serve anybody.
Right. So visit outside of your boundaries. Don't abide outside of your boundaries.
Okay, all right, that sounds good. Next question is from Teresa Cribs, and it's about marriage. Her and her husband are both believers, but along the lines, they have separated in terms of their beliefs. He started attending another church that has beliefs she doesn't believe in, you know, keeping the Sabbath, eating meals that are clean, that kind of thing. So she's been continuing to go to her church. She wants to be a good wife, but she doesn't really necessarily want to go in that direction. So how should she handle that and still be in a biblical area of womanhood?
Well, that can be a delicate situation. I would suggest if your husband is not resisting you going to another church, go to your church where you're being fed, but at least from time to time visit with him so that he doesn't feel abandoned. So that's a compromise that, that will allow you to get what you need to get but not have him feel like you've forsaken him. So that's kind of the heart of it.
Wouldn't you say that in that, the heart of the issue, especially maybe from the man's perspective, is that he feels honored, that the spirit of it is that you're honoring him?
Exactly. And if you do little things that show honor and he doesn't resist you doing things that feed you, then I don't think it'll be a crisis situation.
Okay. So if they're going to two separate churches and he's okay with that, that's okay?
And he's okay with that, yes, as long as you give him something of what he's doing that says that you're respecting him.
Okay, all right. Now we had a couple of questions come from a couple of different ladies that are in marriages where there's been infidelity and adultery, where there has been an apology with not necessarily any rectifying long-term of that situation. I'm sorry, it happens again, I'm sorry. One lady is saying, I'm staying in the marriage just because honestly I'm too lazy to do anything else, but I'm wondering "Should I do something else? Because it's not good for me, it's not good for the kids, and it's been going on a long time." What would you say to that?
Well, if you're in a church that's a solid church, I would have the leadership of the church confront him beyond you so that he knows that there's an accountability that goes beyond "I'm sorry." Because "I'm sorry" is a confession. What you want is repentance, which is a change of direction. And that needs to be measured by somebody outside of him talking and outside of you. So I would try to create some accountability. In addition to that, I would put up a crisis. I would say, okay, if this happens again, then this is what I'm going to do, so that he knows there will be a consequence to his action. And then you use that outside accountability and the criteria you set up while establishing a plan within yourself about what you're going to do if he either doesn't accept accountability or he breaks the boundary.
So in a situation where maybe a woman doesn't have that accountability, or maybe her husband won't come to the church, maybe he's not a member of the church, doesn't— how would she handle that then?
Then you— what you do is then you set up that boundary so that he knows.
So you just jump straight to the boundary?
Exactly, you jump straight to the boundary.
Okay, all right. I know we're going to probably get some questions on divorce about that, but we don't have them this week, so we'll cover them next time.
All right, okay. They can get my book on divorce.
What's the name of your book?
Divorce and Remarriage.
Divorce and Remarriage. And they can get that from tonyevans.org.
Tonyevans.org.
Okay, he's written that book. I didn't write that book, so you can get that from him. Let's see, there's a couple of them that I'll answer later, but what about forgiveness? What if your husband is repentant, infidelity or anything else, he's saying I'm sorry, his actions are showing differently, you can't get over it? So you kind of have grounds for divorce and you feel like you should biblically stay there, But you're just struggling. You're just struggling to say— what is the advice or counsel that you would give in that situation?
Well, if he's definitely showing signs of repentance, then forgiveness is certainly appropriate. But what you're now dealing with is the pain of the infraction. And, you know, I think about Joseph, and when Joseph named his children, one of them was God has helped me to forget the pain that he had gone through. So I would get in a small group of women, particularly women who have gone through and gotten victory over the pain, to walk with you until God gives you victory over it. If you want victory over it and you have forgiven him, meaning released him from the debt— can't be bringing it up every day and say you've forgotten him— but at the same time you need help, get with some spiritual women who can walk with you through the pain.
Okay, and if your church doesn't have that, encourage you to find a church in your area who does. And, you know, let us know if we can help. I think Focus on the Family has some resources that we can pass along to you. But that's all of our questions for today. There's one other one that I'll answer in just a second because it's kind of more my woman cup of tea, I think.
Alright, good to be with you.
Thank you, Dr. Tony Evans. We're going to see you next week, maybe, possibly?
