Legacy Revisited #alittleQC

I'm just talking away. Thank y'all for letting me know. This is the plight of my life, having to hit the button. So you should be able to hear me now. Okay, thanks for letting me know. There's a delay on the comments, so I had to wait until I could see the comments, and then— ah, this is me. Okay, so what I— all I was saying was, all I was I was trying to think about what to share with you this morning, and I realized that there are so many of you that are here that are new. And so, and there's so much content I've already shared that bears repeating and that many of you haven't heard. So that's what I'm gonna do this morning. I'm going to share some content with you that's from last January. I sat and watched it, and if you've ever read a journal that you've written like a year later, or you've watched a video of yourself or looked at a picture of yourself later, and you try to remember, you're looking at yourself with the lens of 2020 and you're thinking, hmm, either I was very, very wise, or hmm, I didn't know what I was talking about, or hmm, I was spot-on. And so this video I'm going to share with view. I've watched it and I thought this was spot on. It bears repeating. So what I'm going to do is roll tape in just a minute and let you all enjoy that because many of you I know didn't watch it. I know you didn't. Um, a few things I want to tell you about first. Um, okay, so I will be hosting another Coffee with Chrystal Hurst in January. What I'm going to share with you today is a Coffee with Chrystal. It was an event I held last year. It was free, um, but you had to register for it. I'll be doing that again on Saturday, January 2nd, so mark your calendar and make sure you're on my email list. How do you do that? Just go to chrystalevanshurst.com and right below the picture, drop your email in, and that way when I send an email out telling you about what you've missed or about what I want you to be a part of, you'll always be in the know. That's the way make the way to make sure that you're always in the know. Um, I also want to make sure that you are subscribed to my YouTube channel if that's where you're watching, or that you have notifications turned on on Facebook if that's where you're watching. So that way whenever, um, I go live, you'll know, you'll get a notification and I don't go live every day, so it won't be driving you crazy. Um, last year at Coffee with Chrystal Hurst, um, I recorded a few weeks after losing my mom. And so it was also right before the start of the 90-day journey in the Inner Circle. And so the frame of reference for those two things in my life came. Um, Tanya Richardson said, good morning. I had to check and make sure I had to check if you were in my closet. Um, but it came right between those two things. And so the frame of reference is perfect for right now because that's where we are right now. Still after the loss of my mother, a year having had to reflect, coming around to the anniversary of her passing and also gearing up again for, um, the next 90 days and We're really excited about it. Every time, y'all, we do these journeys and these experiences, great team of girls who make it new and fresh and different. So if you have been thinking about joining the Inner Circle, it's about to be a good time. The doors will open on January 1st. They'll close on January 4th, and they'll stay that way until the end of the first quarter, beginning of the second quarter. You can join the Inner Circle anytime by going to chrystalhurst.com. Chrystalhurst.com/innercircle. You can always get bonus material, always get things I share behind the scenes, and then always get first dibs at joining the, the higher tiers of the Inner Circle where we do all the journeys and experiences and all the extra content and all the extra teaching and all the extra access. So Inner Circle is my way of supporting what I do, the team that works for what we do, and it's also my way to give people more material that want who want to do the work. So go to chrystalevanshurst.com/innercircle if you're interested in learning more. Um, we'd be interested in getting to know you better too. I also want to let you know that my last book, 28 Days of Prayer, is 50% off through January 15th, both the book and the Bible study at churchsource.com. That's churchsource.com. So if you hadn't gotten it yet, or you hadn't gotten the Bible study yet, I want to encourage you to go to churchsource.com and grab it, and then come back to chrystalevanshurst.com/pray and drop your email in saying you've got it. Because there are— while all the pre-order bonuses aren't available, the audio prayers, me praying over you and for you, those are. So be sure to check out those two things. So give me your email, chrystalevanshurst.com. Join the Inner Circle or put it on your calendar to do so for January 1st, chrystalevanshurst.com/innercircle. And then chrystalevanshurst.com/pray to tell me that you bought the book at churchsource.com. I know it's a lot of, a lot of different links, but hopefully you're served in that way. Okay, so, oh, and mark your calendar for January 2nd, the Coffee with Chrystal. All right, so y'all, here's the bottom line. The bottom line is I've been trying to finish a book I've got a book deadline that I'm working really, really hard to meet, um, and the book is about letting yourself off the hook and forgiving yourself and learning how to live free. Because I'm so surprised at the chains that we allow to keep us from moving forward, and sometimes while the chain is itself is gone, the residue of the chain is not, and we still act like the chains are there. Our mind is chained, our body is chained, our emotions are chained, our mentalities are chained, and even though everything else around us has changed, we don't know how to unlock the chains that have bound us for so long. And I think one of the reasons why it's so hard to write is because sometimes it's not until you look for the chains that you realize how many are still there. I want to tell you that this journey of living life well requires you to look at your life. And sometimes when you look at your life, you do not like what you find. Sometimes when you look at your life, you'll discover that things have been hovering in the shadows threatening you, holding you hostage, blackmailing you. But it's worth looking because your life is worth living. And when you decide to look and you see what has been hanging around your neck, or holding you against a wall or keeping you in a safe space, what you perceive to be as a safe space. Then you get to do something about it. But the why, why you look and why you do the work and why you find your keys to freedom The why is because, as I always say, you only pass this way one time. You only live this life one time. And when you leave this earth, you want to know that you've left a legacy, a legacy of what you've learned, a legacy of what you have grown to understand, a legacy of what you've done that will impact other people for generations to come, that the impact of your life will go beyond you.. And you cannot leave your full legacy if you are living in chains. So y'all pray for me as I write the book. Thank you for the grace to share some existing content with you. And, um, I'll hit play tape, roll tape, so that you can enjoy this. And my hope is that it is is as life-changing for you today as it was for me almost a year ago. Okay, here we go.

I'm glad that you're here, I really am, and I hope you have your fuzzy socks on. I have mine on. I know I look non-fuzzy, like situationally on the top, but, but trust me, because y'all know that I only like to wear clothes where I feel like I'm in pajamas, and that's exactly how I feel. And I do actually have some zebra fuzzy socks on, and I do have my cup, so I'm ready to go. I'd love to know, and some of y'all have already been sharing, if you'd like to share where you're from. But I also want to know what you're drinking. That's what I want to know. I want to know what you're drinking— coffee, tea, soda, water with lemon juice, hot chocolate, anything. What are you drinking? I'd love to see what you have going on. So while you're sharing that information, I want to tell you a little bit about what Coffee with Chrystal is, um, what it has been in the past. Uh, we've done it, I think, 3 years at least now, is me renting out a coffee shop in Dallas because I get to go to a lot of places and I get to speak and I get to talk and share, encourage, all of the things. But I don't do it all the time where I live. So Coffee with Chrystal Hurst was always something that I did locally so that people who live nearby could come and share a cup of coffee or tea, hang out, sing some songs, sit around a table with friends, meet some new friends, and then hopefully enjoy an encouraging word from me. And so this year, um, because we normally do Coffee with Chrystal like the first Saturday or the second Saturday of the new year, y'all already know what I was doing the first and second weekend of the new year. And, you know, that it wasn't going to happen. And then I thought— actually, someone else suggested it— why don't you just do it virtually? And I, again, I haven't done it that way before because it was always something that I wanted to do, um, for those who are in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. But there's a couple of reasons that I was like, you know what, I'll do it that way this year. Um, one is because of the stuff we've been going through as a family and just wanting to do what we needed to do, of course. But the other is I've got all of these wonderful plans for, um, a group of girls who are in my inner circle to do this 90-day experience together. And I, I honestly, because, um, as much as I'm looking forward to that and I'm looking forward to that intimate experience, I was like, oh, but I kind of want to— there's some of the stuff that I want to share that I'm planning to share with them. There's, there's a little piece of that that I would really love to share with everybody. So if you've listened to the podcast, you know a little bit of that. And kicking off the year with this experience first allows me, just in an evening where we get to hang out together, to share some of the things that I really am burdened to share with as many people as I can. So some of y'all are live tonight, and I know many of you will be watching this, you know, after the live is over, when the replay is going on. But I want you to get some of the things that I want to share with you tonight because they're really important to me right now. And they're also important to me for where I've been the last, I would say, 3 weeks. But really, y'all, it's been more like 9 months and where I anticipate I'll be in the days to come. We are, as a family, very grateful for you.. We're grateful for your prayers. We're grateful for your cards, your concern, the phone calls, the texts. Um, we know that we have not been journeying alone because so many of you have been praying with us for our family and for our mom, for Priscilla, for me. I mean, it's been a long 2 years, um, and we're grateful for you. Um, it has meant a lot when you send me DMs and social media messages, comment on a post, or even reply to an email and tell me that you're praying for me or our family or Priscilla, and, um, that you were heartbroken too, you know, when Mom passed away. So I want you to know that I see them. I don't always get a chance to reply to every single one, but I want you to know that many of them, if not most of them, sometimes all of them depending on the post and on the day, but I, I see them. And I'm encouraged. I know that some of y'all had already put some questions in the ask questions section, and the last time I checked, the top question was, how are you doing? How are you doing? And you know, that's a hard question to answer because how I'm doing changes. You know, if you've ever been in a situation where you've experienced a lot of pain, um, whether it's because someone you loved passed away, or someone you loved left, or you had a health crisis, or, uh, you know, it could be any number of things. You know, pain comes in all sizes, shapes, and forms. You'll understand that how you feel about that thing changes. It morphs. It may grow, it may ebb, it may flow. And what I've learned from past painful situations is that the best thing to do is feel your way through, and that there is really and truly often no other way out but through. So that's what I'm doing, that's what we're all doing. We're checking on each other every day, multiple times a day, and even during the day, different times of the day, we're doing differently, and we're all okay with that. Um, I am a compartmentalizer, so I'm probably either flooded with tears and unable to function, or I'm highly functioning, able to kind of set some stuff aside. Most of the time, in the middle I don't really live there. I'm kind of an extreme person, but I'm trying to do a better job of that. And as I move through the grocery store line, if something I see reminds me of my mom and my tears well up, to just let them fall, you know, I can keep going and have a feeling moment at the same time. So that's a learning experience for me. And but I wanted to be honest about how I feel. So I do have words. I have words because I had to think about them in advance. I wouldn't fumble my way through this, right? Um, I have 3 words, 3 plus an extra one. So if I had to describe— and I've said this to friends— if I had to describe how I feel, the first emotion would be disappointment. Disappointing. It's disappointing when you're hoping and then what you're hoping for doesn't happen. So I'd be lying if I didn't say I was disappointed. And it's much as we can talk about, um, and believe that God ultimately knows what he's doing, doesn't mean that we're not disappointed if he doesn't do what we ask him to do. So there is that. Um, and I'm disappointed because I've heard my mother say a million times, um, I mean, not just in this last year, like a lot, for a long time, she always said My goal is to live longer than my mother, and my grandmother lived until she was 97. So to know that that was a desire of hers that we heard her share, um, that's disappointing, you know, because I, I know that that's something that she wanted and she told us. So it's disappointing for me and disappointing for her. The second emotion I would share I've been trying to find one word that could substitute for the word anger because angry sounds red, it sounds hot, it sounds, you know, closed-fisted, and that's not quite the temperature of what I'm talking about. And so for that one word, I had a few others: upset, irritated, annoyed, bothered. There's just this, like, that's— I mean, that's the best way that I can think of to express it, where it's just beyond disappointment and the letdown, kind of a, I can't even believe, I can't even believe this, you know. I can't, I can't believe this. Um, and I'm sure that you've had those moments too, where there's something that's happened in your life and you just can't, you just are having a hard time reconciling that what you're facing is what you're really having to face, and it's almost irritating. It's just— I don't know if that makes sense to you, but that— those are the words. That's feeling number one. And feeling number two, a distant third, is sadness. And of course I'm very, very sad, but I say distant I put it third is because every time I start to feel sadness, my sadness is met with satisfaction. Let me give you an example. If I think for a second, like today— today, y'all, I took a picture of She's Still There, the book I wrote, because it's been translated into Dutch. So I took a picture of it, and my knee-jerk reaction was to send it to my mom. And obviously, in the middle of doing that, I was like, okay, so I have a text group with my brother, brothers, and my sister, and I sent it to them. And I said, look. And I said, I'm kind of— I had a moment because I was going to send it to Mommy, and then I was like, oh, I, you know So, but in that moment where I'm met with sadness and the thought that, wow, like, she's not going to see my text, you know, in that moment I met with the satisfaction that she was here when She's Still There was released. She was very proud of that. On my mother's mantle, on the fireplace mantle in the living room, are great accomplishments of her children. We all have something major there are 4 major things on her mantle. And she took the COVID of the book because I'd blown up the COVID of the book, um, when I had the book release party. She said, give me that, and she took it and she framed it. So there's this huge, huge picture of the book in a frame on her mantle. Uh, Priscilla in War Room, that's in a frame. Anthony's album going I don't know, gold, platinum, something is framed and on her mantle. Jonathan's stuff. I mean, she, she treasured us, told us so, um, and visibly represented how her pride for us in her home, on her face, and with her words. So in the same moment that I thought, what, I don't get to send her this in the very same moment, I was like, but she, she was here, she was here for it. And in 70 years, my mom was here for a lot because she lived, she lived. She was here for the birth of my first child and then all the rest of them. She was here for the birth of her first great-grandchild and the second. She was here And so while there are things— and I said this in a post for Mother's Day, um, every time I think of something I want more of, I think of something I've already had. So even if I'm not trying to be grateful, because you know you're supposed to try to be grateful, you know, I'm gonna be grateful for— even if I'm not trying to be grateful, I can't help it. Because there's so many things that even in 70 years my mom got to do, got to be here for, and got to experience for herself and with me. There was a time when my mom wanted to go to New York. She loves New York, specifically New York at Christmas time. And I'm not quite sure what the hang-up was with my dad. They normally go twice a year. And this Christmas time, I think the week before Christmas, something was going on with his schedule. So she was like, do you want to go? It's like, sure, you paying for me? Absolutely. And all the things— going to the Rockefeller Center, going to her favorite restaurants, going to see a play, sleeping in a room with her, hanging out, going to the bookstore. I mean, all the things, you know. If I think, man, I would love to go with my mom on a trip to dot dot dot, then I remember that me and her went on a trip. To New York. And that's one of many, many, many, many trips I've been on with her, with my family. So yes, I'm disappointed. Yes, I'm some combination of upset, irritated, annoyed, and bothered. Not quite angry, but something in that vicinity. Yes, yes, I'm sad. But there's also a very deep contentment and satisfaction that I feel, and I'm grateful I'm grateful for that. Do I have questions? Yes, I do. Do I have answers for all those questions? No, I do not. We started studying David, um, at church, so I taught that last night, um, kind of David's early years. And one of the things that I was reminded of and comforted by is that David was a man after God's own heart. 1 Samuel 13 tells us, as does Acts— no, no, 1 Samuel 16 and Acts chapter 13 tell us. And in between 1 Samuel and Acts is the biggest book of the Bible, Psalms. And many of the Psalms were written by David when he was feeling all the things, and him expressing all the things— his anger, his disappointment, his frustration, his worries, his fears, his questions. Did not disqualify him from being a man after God's own heart. And I hold on to that because I say, well, if David was a man after your own heart, then— and he had all the questions and was honest— then you can handle my honesty. And God and I have been for different reasons in this place before, so there's wrestling. But I don't want that to get in the way. In fact, I will not let that get in the way of me living. And one of the things my mom said to all of us when she first got sick is, if in any way this is a ploy of the enemy to distract y'all from doing what you're supposed to be doing, he can't win. He can't win. So see me compartmentalizing? So I want you to know that me doing Coffee with Chrystal Hurst and sharing some things with you tonight is also me being responsible and honoring my mom. Because even when we did the Sister Circle Retreat and I was trying to figure out, okay, we just launched it, we talked about it, people are registering, what do I do? My mom just told me she's sick. She looked at me and she said, move forward. So even tonight I'm moving forward. Many of y'all want to know about Priscilla, and she's doing great. Um, great in the— I just had a major part of my lungs removed— great. But she really is doing great. The doctors are pleased. She's feeling better and more like herself every day. So thank you for her, for your prayers for her too. Um, we've had some fun, me being in the bed with her, because I was like, move over, open up your laptop, what thing are we gonna veg out on on Netflix? And we've just been in bed, which has been good. It's been good because she needed to be there, and because honestly, with everything that's gone on with us the last few months, we both just needed to be in the bed. So we've had a lot of good sister-sister time. But, um, I know she would want me to tell you that she's doing— that she's doing well. My dad is doing okay. There's no way out but through. And as much as we want to babysit him every single night, we cannot, and he doesn't want us to. We have children, we have family, so he's doing okay. We're all doing okay. Um, but I'm here tonight because I wanted to do what I'm supposed to do. And forever, from even when I was a little girl on the playground um, at the elementary school down the street. I was always the girl who was trying to get everybody to be friends, always trying to get everybody to help each other out, always trying to get everybody to see the other side and say, listen, y'all, if we would just talk, if we would just look at each other, if we would just pay attention to each other, things would be so much better. And here I am in my 40s saying the same thing, y'all. We're just better together. So that's why I invited a bunch of y'all to join me tonight. So here's what I want to talk to you about. I want to run through— and not really run through, but there's a whole podcast, 3 podcasts, about these 8 principles that I was thinking about as it relates to legacy. But I wanted to more personally tonight express to you what that looks like for me, how I see it, what it's looked like in the past as I've watched my mom, and then how— what my challenges are with that, and then tell you what are some of the things I'm practically thinking about for this year. So take a sip of your coffee or your tea, whatever you got there. If it's not something coffee, tea-ish, juice-ish, hot chocolate-ish, you know, it's whatever, it's whatever works for you. Just make sure you can stay awake. Okay, okay, y'all. Um, the first thing is, uh, love. So from podcast number 1, there were 3 things. It was love, release, and keep going. I was talking about what does it take to live with legacy in mind. And now these 8 things that I was sharing with y'all are not an exhaustive list. Legacy is made up of a lot of good stuff. These were just things that came to me. If I was going to spend a year talking about legacy, I probably could. But what does the Bible say? The greatest of these is love. And when I looked at 1 Corinthians, um, I was like, you know, what is love? Let me remind myself. One of the scriptures in there, verse 7, says it bears all things, believes all things, it hopes all things, and endures all things. And when I think about my mom, each one of those words is true. If you watch the funeral, you heard me talk about how she saw me, she saw all of her children, she saw people And over and over again, before the funeral, after the funeral, online, in cards, that's what I keep hearing, that she had the space and the time to look you in the eye and see you. Now, you know, the challenge that many of us have with that is time. Like, somebody wants to have a long drawn-out conversation with you and you're thinking about the things you have to do, or one of your kids wants to cuddle in the very same second that you just want to be by yourself, you know, or that friend calls you and right as you're in the middle of your show and you know they've been going through something and you're thinking, okay, but I'll call them later. And really, them feeling seen, or your child feeling seen, or a friend feeling seen, your spouse feeling seen, is that you have the bandwidth to look them in the eye and give them some time.

Them.

So for me, that made me feel loved by my mom is that she had margin. Now, she didn't always have the same kind of margin, you know. In the last 20 years— in the last 40 years that she's had, in the last 20, in the last 10, she slowed down a whole lot, made some conscious decisions, intentional decisions to leave more margin. But even in the busy times, I just felt seen, and that made me feel loved. I'll never forget Toni Morrison, um, was in an interview with Oprah. I was watching something somewhere sometime, and she just said it dawned on her what her face must look like to the child that came in the room hoping that her face would say, I'm glad you're here. She watched watched a child come through the door and watched the child's face change in response to her own. And she realized what she was showing in her face was, uh, and the child's face went, ah. What would it look like if my face always exhibited how I actually feel about the people that are in my life? You know, in the best way. That even the people who I'm struggling with, struggling to love, that if something horrible were to happen to them, or something, some bad news I would hear, that deep thing would come up. I'd be like, oh, but the care and concern, I want that to be at the level. And in order for that to be at a level where people will see it and feel it, I have to have the margin to do so. It's, it's, it's an effort. So that's the challenge, is time. And so one of the things that I wrote down last year, actually, um, I mean, y'all know there's a whole planner and everything, but before the planner there was a note, a spiral notebook. Before the spiral notebook there were copies of white sheet paper from the printer, and I would just write down the things that I'm working on, right? And so I wrote down, say I love you. It's not deep. I just said, say I love you, and it was a box to check every day. Pick somebody, anybody, just make sure at least once a day you've said that. There's a lady at my church, her name is Sandra Brown, and they're, they're, you know, the, the women at my church, particularly the women who have been there a while, who have some life lived on them, even when I don't want to cry, they're the ones who can make me cry because they hug me for real you know what I mean? It's not that passive, "We're praying for you." It's that good mama bear kind of thing. And Sandra Brown, she used to be the headmistress of our school, and she said then to all the children, and she says now to all the children including me, if she sees you in the hallway, "Have I told you that I loved you today? Well, if I haven't," Yes, I do. Such a simple thing. So that doesn't have to be your thing, but I want to leave a legacy of people that I care about knowing that I care about them. One small way for me to do that is just to say it. Yes, I want to smile when they come in the room, and yes, I want them to feel that I have the bandwidth. And there are all these different ways I can work on showing that. But that's one practical way that I want to work on leaving a legacy of love. Release. So y'all, you know, I talked about release and how that's forgiveness, and if you don't forgive, then you're in chains and all that. I want to talk about a little different angle, um, than that, because one of the things my mom was really good at was releasing people. And in the forgiveness kind of way, yes. But I also mean in the, you know what, the season for our friendship, the season for our work relationship, the season for us being at the same church, that season has passed. Um, I'm so glad that we were able to connect the dots in our lives during that season, but I'm okay if that season ended. And y'all listen, Lois is a lady of grace and class, and she could release you with grace and class, okay? Sometimes I hold on too long, and I don't mean in a forgiveness kind of way. I mean in a— the season's just over. It's just over, and I can love you and let you There are relationships that I was in, in my 20s. It was time to get out of those, let them go. And it had nothing to do with forgiveness. It had everything to do with me moving on. And so one of the things that I'm wanting to do a better job of this year is looking around and seeing in my life who I'm forcing into a round hole when really the relationship is now a square peg. And not— I'm not talking about being mean or like, you know, being sadidi, or like not being loving. I'm saying recognizing when seasons have changed. My mom's book, Seasons of a Woman's Life, is actually out of print. We're gonna see what we can do about that. There's actually a Bible study that's coming out and everything, but her whole thing was life is about seasons. And so if a season has changed and you don't know it, you'll suffer because of it. If it changes from winter to summer and you're still wearing your boots and your sweaters and your coats and your scarves and your mittens, you're gonna have heat stroke. If it's summer and you transfer into winter and you've got tank tops on and shorts and flip-flops and it's 20 degrees outside, you're gonna freeze to death. You have to know when the seasons have changed and release the things that worked well in one season and embrace the things that work well in the next. So, um, I want to look at everything under the microscope and everyone and take my time asking God to show me how the seasons have changed. And how I need to change with it, which means just constant reflection, constant reflection. The third thing is to keep going. I remember when my mom, when TUA was in its beginning stages, I remember when she would take the mail bins from the house because she would duplicate everything in the house. Like the tapes, like cassette tapes. Like, if you're under 40, you may not even know what I'm talking about, but cassette tapes, she would run them off. We'd had practice putting the labels on the tapes. We did that. I remember doing that. But she would lug all the tapes, multiple mail bins, put to the post office. And, uh, and when I walked in the offices of the Urban Alternative today, and the furniture's beautiful and the office space is large, and the staff— there's lots of people, and everything is branded and beautiful. It's not, you know, labels off the shelf. It's all custom things done. I thought the reason why the ministry of my parents is here is because when she was doing that stuff, she just kept going. And they didn't know. They didn't know. They were doing their best to learn as they grew. They asked for wisdom. They asked people to help. They said, show us how you do it. How can we grow? How can we minister to other people? But ultimately, ultimately, they just kept going. And even now, y'all, I'm sitting here hoping y'all can see me in here without a bunch of glitches. And, you know, and I'm looking and thinking, is it super glitchy? I'm looking over there and I'm like, it looks— is it glitchy? I'm trying to figure that out. I'm not sure. But you know what? I'm further than I was a couple of years ago, and a couple of years from now, even doing stuff like this, I'll be further along. If you have ever quit or stopped because you just thought, I don't know what I'm doing, oh my gosh, just keep going. Just keep doing your best to put your best foot forward and keep going. You don't build a legacy by lifting heavy rocks and just tossing them in the pool. Just take little stones, little pebbles, one at a time, and toss them in. Keep going. That's how legacies are built. So you love, you keep going, you release, and then celebration. Now, I already told y'all on the podcast about my mother and her china. Um, but I want you to know that my struggle— I'll start with my struggle— is I'm just not a foo-foo. I'm just not a foo-foo person. So doing all the extra, you know, like even getting dressed is a feat of God for me to get dressed. This whole situation, my hair being done— y'all need to know what I was looking like an hour before I got on here. But anyway, um, the reality is just putting the sugar on it, putting the cherries on it, making it beautiful. It's not, not something that is a love or a passion of mine. But 2, 3 years ago— yeah, almost 3 years ago in 2017— I decided for Mother's Day to have a beautiful Mother's Day brunch in my home. I pulled my kitchen table into my living room and I pulled my china, which I never use. Out of the china cabinet. And I asked a friend of mine, I said, you know, this is not what I do, so can you come over and help me? And she helped me decorate the table. And I asked my sister Priscilla, my cousin Winter, and my sister-in-law Kanika to come over for brunch. And when they walked in, all of them were like, oh, Chrystal, this is so nice! And if you've ever seen Winter do Winter, you know, it's like, this is so nice! Oh, this is This is great. It's the only time I did that. The next year, May was busy. We couldn't get our schedules together, and Winter was moving, and we didn't do the brunch again. And that July, she passed away. So the one year that I pulled out the china and celebrated women in my life who are mothers it was worth the celebration. So my mother has given me and my sister, my daughter, my daughters— she's given us pictures of what it looks like to pull the china out. And what I've learned is it's worth the effort to celebrate. I know that the parties are a lot of work. I know that it's a lot of work to send the cards. I understand that, you know, that, that, uh, putting the extra effort in and making the space on the calendar. And I, I know, I understand, and I'm not saying celebration always has to be done the same way. What I'm saying is marking your life by remembering intentionally your special moments, that's the stuff life is made of. It's the pegs that you hang your memory bank on, and that's how you build legacy. Legacy for us is that every Christmas we had a big breakfast and a big dinner, and my mom did it all on the china. We still don't know how she did all the cooking for Christmas Day for 20, 30 people every year. Celebration. So you call the friend, and it doesn't matter if you're decor challenged, it doesn't matter. Even if you light a candle at the table because you're at the table by yourself— you get the promotion, take yourself to dinner, or come home, fix yourself dinner, and light the candle and treat yourself, because why not? Why not? If you have a family, okay, eat on the paper plates, but every now and then maybe you pull out your wine glasses or your special tea glasses and put some sparkling apple cider and then have everybody toast to whatever the best thing that's happened that day is. Celebrate. Cultivation. Well, Cultivating means, you know, think about plants in a garden and you just stir things up. You have to take care of the soil, you have to take care of the seeds. If you've ever gardened and you know that you toss seeds out, after a while you've got to go and thin out the plants, the seedlings, as they pop through the ground, because if there are too many, they'll choke each other out. Growing things takes attentiveness, and most of the time We're too busy doing things to actually cultivate the things that matter. My friend Laura Casey talks a lot about that, and many of y'all know about her because she's got her planner and Cultivate Conference and making things happen. I mean, all these things that she's really good at what she does. But in a book I read, she talked a lot about a garden.. And she just said, sometimes the long road is the best road. In fact, many times, most times it is, because if you rush it, it won't be good. We're all trying to eat healthy. You go to the grocery store, stuff is genetically modified. And so some of us are trying to buy the organic. Some of us can't afford the organic. But the point is, we know the organic is better because the stuff that's grown in a factory under artificial light just ain't the best stuff. Taking the time to cultivate your life, the soil of your life, your mind, your heart, your joy— that's how you cultivate the soul of you. So what does it mean for me to cultivate joy? Oh, well, see, that part in some ways I have down. I know how to light my candles. I I know how to have my special drink, you know. I know how to put on my fuzzy socks and my great pajamas. I mean, those are things I know. I know how to treat myself to a massage. I know how to tell my husband, listen, next time we go out on a date, but tonight I just— I'm on the way home and I'm gonna stop and have some Papa Dose by my doggone self. But on my way home, can I pick you something up? I know how to do that. I know how to do that. I never forget my mother on that doggone cruise ship by herself. I'll never forget that. So I do know somewhat how to cultivate the things I enjoy, but I will tell you that there are things that I've let go. One of those things is reading. I love reading. I love getting lost in a book. It is not that I don't read, but I read for information. I'm always trying to figure something out. How do I get this get this Crowdcast to work and get my ConvertKit situated? And how, how can I put my messages together? And okay, now how do I make this app work? And I've got kids, I'm homeschooling, and I'm trying to, I'm trying to learn how to develop my business practices. Got new interns coming on, how can I develop a team? Like, and I love learning that stuff too, actually. I, I love learning that stuff, building, growing business stuff. I love it. But then I had to tell myself, when's the last time you just wrote— read a book for fun, to get lost in a story? When is the last time you learned something that wasn't for work, just because you wanted to know more about the world? So that's one of my goals for this year, is to read more however I can get it in. Read the book in my hand, read it on my iPad, listen to it on audiobook. Book, however I can get it in, but read for pleasure. Cultivating the soil of your life is more than just the stuff that you gotta do, even if you enjoy doing it. It's about you. And I told the pastor of worship at our church that I will be showing up for praise team rehearsal. I was like, you don't have to put me in the schedule. My schedule— I'm speaking this spring, I'm about to be getting on and off a plane, but that's where I'm supposed to be because I'm alive when I'm singing. What makes you feel alive, and are you doing more of that? My mom once said on an episode, podcast episode about Christmas, that Christmas should be an overflow of you. Like, do you, and just let the enjoyment of the season, whatever that means for you, overflow. And I want you to know that when you cultivate you, even if it's stuff that's unrelated to the big rocks in your life, then you bring an overflow of you to everything. And that's how you reinforce the depth at which the legacy you leave will be filled. My mom's legacy of being a classy lady is because she enjoyed that. She enjoyed that. She enjoyed shopping and looking ridiculously beautiful and put together. She enjoyed that. And you know what? I don't. So I'm not going to try to copy that, you know. I'm gonna, I'm gonna do me and be dressed and look decent. But I'll tell you what I love doing. I love doing this. This is an overflow of me. I love taking friends to coffee at 5 AM and saying, look me in the eye and tell me what you're doing with your life for the next 90 days. So Whatever you cultivate, even if it seems unrelated, it's still pouring into you. And bringing overflow of you into everything is what you want to do. Okay, focus, y'all. That's a problem for me because I like doing all the things. Let me tell you, all the things. And I have people that are looking at me right now. I can see you out of my peripheral vision. I really have a hard time focusing because I really do want to do all the things. But again, back to seasons. Even if you have multiple things that you want to do in your life, trying to do them all at the same time isn't productive. I read somewhere, and if I could put my hands on that article, I would. I have searched high and low for it. I cannot find it, but I know that I read an article where Jennifer Hudson, after she was on American Idol, was telling the story about how she couldn't decide what she wanted what to do. She was like, Mama, I can't decide. And she was talking to her grandmother, Mama, I can't decide what I want to do. I want to sing, I want to act, I want to do this. And her grandmother said to her, girl, you're gonna have to pick one. And she said, but I can't, I can't pick one. She said, you're gonna have to pick one. She said, but here's the thing, if you will pick one thing and do that one thing well, it will open the doors for all the other things. So she tried out for American Idol. Focused on her one thing, and then she's doing all the other things. You're gonna have to say no. That's, you know, my mom was very— a very good no person, very focused. Ministry, family, my dad, her children. And she could say no like nobody's business, really gracefully, you know. That is so wonderful. I would love to be a part. I'm 'Unfortunately, this, this time I'm just not going to.' But she learned how to give— she didn't coin this, I coined this, but I want to show you how she did it. She would give a, a no but in a spirit of a yes. She would say, 'I know that this is going to be so wonderful, and I wish I could be there, but I tell you what, let me tell you who can be there and who can do the very thing that you're asking me to do, and they'll be so great.' And by the time you left her presence, you were like, 'She said yes,' but she had said no. You Just it. Focus means you're gonna have to say no. And honestly, right now I'm even looking at things in my life, okay, it's too much going on. Like, what's gonna wait? Because let me tell you something, y'all, my mother died on December the 30th, and the next morning it's New Year's Eve, but still Business was open. The world kept going. So if you don't do the things that are important, if you don't focus on the things that really matter to you and for God's plan for you, to the people that you really love, you'll run out of time and the world will just keep going. All the things you thought you had to do, they'll keep doing without you. So what are the things that only you can do? Lisa Turkhurst told me that one time. She says, as I'm trying to prioritize things, I look at my life and think, what are the things that somebody else can do? It's not that I can't do it, but I want to reserve my best for the things that only I can do. Only I can be a wife to my husband. Only I can be a mother to my children. Only I can be a great friend to the people that God has put into my close proximal life. Only I can serve in my local church in the capacities that he's given me in this season to serve in for as long as he said that. And when that season is over, it's somebody else's turn. But listen, Blue Apron can send me the box of groceries and the instructions to make a dinner. They can, they can do that. E-Meals can do that also. Can I sit with my family at the dinner table? Absolutely. I'm the only mom who can do that. But am I the only person who can go to, go to the store? Absolutely not. So Instacart, hello! No, Sprouts delivers, Walmart delivers. You better get your life. You have to figure out what can you just say, there's another way to do that, there's another way to do that. Focus, say no, and think about the things that only you can do that will matter. Flourish, stretch, grow, be uncomfortable, do the hard things. So many times people come up to me— a girl came up to me the other night night at church, and she was telling me about the things she couldn't do. And I was like, why can't you do it? She started giving me the reasons, and basically every single reason that she gave me was based in it was going to be hard. And I looked at her and I said, you know what though, you do realize that in order to get to where you're trying to go, you're gonna have to do hard things. I actually have this book for my boys. I make them— I've made all of my kids read it, you know, mean homeschool mom. It's called Do Hard Things. That's what it's called. It was written by two 2 twin high school boys when they were 18, and I made them read it because they're telling them about how the, you know, how people assume that teenagers can't do nothing but lay around and, you know, waste money and waste time. And they were like, no, who told you that? Most of the people who've accomplished great things who we know of because of history books were doing major things when they were 16. And I've made all my kids read it. And so then when they start to cop out on me and say dumb stuff, I say, you can do hard things. In order for you to flourish— not just grow, not just break ground, not just exist— but to flourish, you're going to have to look up just like the flowers look toward the sun and stretch. Let's do a little more, go a little further. Priscilla walking around her house, you know, the doctor's like, you got to walk around, you got to walk around. Everything is about stretching her lung capacity, right? So, um, you know, she would get up and walk, and the first time was like, are you kidding me, I have to get out of the bed? And that was like, you know, this big thing. But then the next time she went a little further, and then the next time she went out the door and down the hall, then the next time she walked the whole floor of the hospital, you know, the whole floor of the hospital she was in. And then she's got that little whatever you— it's not speedometer, but it rhymes with that. It's a little thing and you blow in it, and as you inhale, it shows you how much air you're getting in there. Okay, and then she had this much, and she was like, this is so sad, you know, I used to know— I'm a runner, I exercise, or whatever, you know. I took advantage of that moment to take it from her and inhale and show her how much I could do, because this is probably the only time that I'll be able to beat her lung capacity. I mean, it's a whole— there's a whole story there with her lung capacity, but I'll let her tell you Anyway, my point is, every day the amount of capacity that she has in her lungs is increasing. Why? Because she's making the effort to inhale. She's making an effort to go further than she did yesterday. She's stretching every day. Is it comfortable? No. Does it feel good?

No.

But she's doing it, and every day she gets gets better. You're gonna have to stretch out of your comfort zone in order to leave a legacy. And I'm doing that, and I'll tell you a little bit more about that in just a minute, how I'm stretching out of my comfort zone. And then the last thing is to finish. I mean, y'all have heard me talk about my situation with running a million times. It's in She's Still There, it's on all the podcasts. The bottom line is, y'all, we all get tired. That's what I'm trying to tell I don't think I've told this story. I did run a half marathon when I was pregnant with my middle son. I was 6 and a half months pregnant. Don't even, don't even say, don't even comment. I don't even want to see your thoughts. But I was 6 and a half months pregnant and I ran this half marathon. Now I'm getting bigger. The race is getting longer. You know, it's getting harder, but I'm hardheaded. So I was determined to still complete the race. And I had, you know, passed from my doctor and he was like, as long as you're feeling good and all those round ligament muscles were starting to give. But I ignored the pain. I was like, we're just— we're gonna do it. And so I'll never forget that last half mile because it was kind of an uphill climb a little bit. And I just thought— this is what I was thinking. So I was thinking, all you have to do is finish. All you have to do is finish. All you have to do is finish. All you have to do is finish. You don't have to win. You don't have to be first. You don't have to medal. You just gotta finish, because if you finish knowing what you had to carry, you'll be satisfied. You gotta finish the thing that will leave you satisfied. You don't have to be first. You don't have to always win the medal. You don't have to always be on display. You have to do your best knowing what you carry and finish. I have to remind myself sometimes about what I carry. I look around and I was talking to Priscilla earlier today about something that she and I both have to do, and the way that she gets to do it is different than the way I get to do it because we have two different lives, we have two different families, our kids are different, our husbands are different, our homes are different. We're different. And I had to say to her, girl, listen, because I was kind of beating myself up a little bit, I said, I just got to remember what I'm carrying. Because if I would look at what my finish line is, then there would be satisfaction because I know what I had to carry across the line. You have to finish your race, not mine, not your friends, not your sisters, not your cousins, not your aunties. Your race. And the only way that you're going to do that and leave a legacy is if you're paying attention paying attention to your life. So that's a little bit about what I'm internalizing, about what it means, the conversations that I've been having about legacy. Um, that tells you a little bit about, um, what my thought process is. I mean, there's a lot of other things I could say to get into that, but just, I mean, you know, It's— and it is a process for me to figure out what's important. I mean, there are some things that my mom was doing that now I have to— I mean, I'm stretched because I've always helped her with women's ministry stuff at our church, but I've always hidden behind her. Just like, this is great, whatever, whatever, uh, Mrs. Evans said, yes, I'll help execute, I'll send the emails, I'll make the announcements. But my mom told me, you know, months before, she said, you know what, if the Lord heals me, there are some other things I'm supposed to do. And women's ministry has been something I've been doing globally and locally in our church. But she said, you know, it's time to switch gears. And she looked at my dad and she said— and I was sitting over here— she looked at my dad and she said, it's her turn. And I was looking at her and thinking, no, it's not. It's a stretch. So I'm not telling you like, oh, I'm working to leave a legacy. Like, it's like, it's intentional. But I want to encourage you with this, you know, before I wrap up and share something with you and then take some of your questions. I want to encourage you with this. I asked my dad last night I said, y'all, you and Mom have always been very intentional. You knew what you wanted for your family. You knew what you were trying to achieve. You knew what you were trying to build. You knew what you wanted God to do in your lives. Local church, it was on your list years ago to write a study Bible and a commentary. Like, you've always been pretty focused. I said, did y'all sit down every 3 months and like write out your goals? Did y'all have a master quarterly planning meeting? Did y'all biannually go away and have a retreat? Did y'all have an annual get— like, did y'all do like the stuff that people do that talk about goal setting? Did y'all He said, no, mm-hmm. He said, we just were always in communication. We were always course correcting. We were always living attentively, talking about what was working and what's not, and then changing what we needed to change to stay with the big rocks. We wanted to pour into our family. We wanted to pour into our faith. And we wanted to do both of those things with an eye on the future, being wise financially, Planning ahead. Super simple. So for all of you planner junkies who are always looking for the right planner to help you do the thing, here's the thing: it's not about the planner, it's about you doing the thing. Whether you use a spiral notebook, a piece of copy paper, or, you know, some beautifully designed planner— and I'm all about the beautifully designed planner— but it comes back to you. It comes back to you. But if you don't have a beautiful process that is written down and gorgeous, I want to leave you of the stress that if you don't have the right planner or you don't have the right teaching or you don't have the, the right mentor, that if all of the stars don't line up, that you can't leave a legacy. My grandmother didn't have a planner. Neither one of them did, but they understood faith they understood family, and they understood that you can't focus on too many things and do the main things well. They knew how to do the main things well.

Hey y'all, I hope that was helpful. I hope you are mindful of the fact that you have to live your legacy by finishing your race. And that at the end of the day that you have to pay, pay attention to what you're carrying, what God has asked you to do, and then make sure you do it one step at a time. I'll see you next Monday, and between now and then, make sure you're on my email list so anything else I need to tell you about that's coming— because there is stuff coming— that you get the details. Have a great week. Bye!