Let's Talk Relationships - Coffee with Chrystal #alittleQC

<LYRICS>The ground—</LYRICS> My mom was the best at seeing people. She took her time with each person, making them feel, making us feel that what we had to say and who we were was the most important thing at that moment. And if you ever wondered if anybody cared, you knew she did, because when she was with you, she made sure you felt seen. One thing my mom left us with was an appreciation for traditions. From pumpkin bread recipes to Christmas morning festivities to the special plate that she brought out every single time it was one of our birthdays. She taught us how to appreciate and create habits and traditions that would be a part of our entire legacy. One of the things that my mom always said to me growing up and even into my adult life are some simple words that help me to trust myself. She would say, "You know what to do based on the fact that I was not who I was, but who I belonged to, how I was taught, how I was raised, which ultimately taught me how to trust my instincts. One thing my mom taught me personally was to be confident in who God made me to be, that I wasn't supposed to wear anyone's shoes, that the only shoes that would fit me are my own, and allow God to use me the way that he made me.

Not only did Lois Evans encourage and inspire our four children, But she's been an inspiration to women throughout our church and all around the world. And she's especially an encourager to all the mothers listening right now. Why don't I let her speak to you in her own words?

God has called you and me and given us an assignment to take care of his gifts. And I know being a mother is challenging. It's hard work. Work. Sometimes I know you probably want to throw your hands up, and that's why today I want to declare God's promises over your life. I declare Jeremiah 17:7-8 over your life and that of your family. Blessed is the woman who sticks with God— sticks with God— who sticks with God. They are like trees replanted in Eden, putting down roots near the rivers, never a worry through the hottest of summers. I declare Ephesians 3:20. You know it. God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that you ask or think, but it's according to the power that's working in you. I declare that Satan be bound from your family, your mind, your body, and your home. I declare a hedge of protection around you, your spouse, and your children. I declare that the Lord, in the name of Jesus, will dispatch angels to surround you, your spouse, your children, and your grandchildren today. You have all you need to do what God has called He called you to do. May the Lord bless you and protect you and your family. May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you his favor and give you his peace. Shalom. God bless you.

I hope you can see from us that mothers really do matter. My wife mattered as she mothered my 4 children. And I'm so grateful for all the mothers who God has given us at our church, at Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship, who love their families and who love the Lord, because mothers really do matter. And if you're perhaps like us and your mom is not here anymore, you can still thank God that he gave you a mother that mattered. And if you have the joy of having your mother still here, then let her know. Mother, you really do matter. You see, without mothers, the kingdom of God would be in trouble because God chose a mother when he wanted to become man. And so, bless you all. Happy Mother's Day. Remember, mothers really do matter. Because of your prayer.

Oh, there we go. Y'all can't hear me. I just want to make sure everybody saw that. I know some of you already did. But I thought not. Why not? And I wanted to, um, share a couple of other things with you this morning. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Um, I also am a little discombobulated this morning, so you'll have to forgive me. But I mean, who are we kidding? Every morning I'm a little discombobulated. One way or another, right? So now I am going to get live on Instagram because I didn't do that first. Normally I do that first. I didn't do that today. So I hope you had a good weekend and I hope you, um, are starting your week well. I get up usually about 5 in the morning, like automatic, my eyes just open. And, um, I normally just lay there for a while or try to, um, prepare for the day mentally. Normally my mind is racing because my mind is always racing. It's just the problem. It's a problem. You know how, I mean, somebody's going to take totally out of context and I probably shouldn't even say this out loud, but, um, make sure I lose this. But if you've ever seen the movie A Beautiful Mind, have anybody ever seen that movie? And basically he's mentally ill. The gentleman in the movie is mentally ill. So that is not funny, but there is a part of the movie where, you know, he has this little cabin in the back and he keeps going out the cabin and, you know, he's working on something. And then, you know, people that love him are trying to check on him and make sure he's okay. And they go in there and it's like his brain threw up on the walls. You know, his brain threw up on walls. And it became clear something's not right with him. So my dad and I have this running joke. He'll go, you know that movie A Beautiful Mind? He's like, you just don't stop thinking. And it's true. I don't really stop thinking. All right, Instagram. I have to apologize to y'all. Y'all, y'all are getting the short end of the stick this morning. Normally y'all get, you get to be first. And that's not how it worked today. Y'all should see my whole setup. It's like I'm trying to be a professional, but I'm not. This is why my— oh Lord Jesus, hold on one second. Okay, all kinds of things are happening not correct in my life today. So my computer is here, I have a DSLR here, so I'm looking at Facebook and Periscope and all you people. And then my phone is right here on a tripod that's sitting on top of a shoebox. You'd be surprised if you could see what was happening around the situation. Good morning. Today is May 11th, and I was sharing, uh, Instagram with Facebook, Periscope, and YouTube. And I'm slightly discombobulated this morning, mostly because Um, why am I discombobulated this morning? I'm discombobulated this morning because, because I decide, I decide how I want to be intentional with hard things. Some of y'all are probably like, uh-oh, she needs counseling. I decide how I want to be intentional about hard things so that the wave— that I'm, I'm attacking the wave and the wave isn't attacking me. So yesterday I decided not to be ridiculously intentional. Um, I decided to just ride the wave. And that meant, that means that I didn't do things, lotion come to the rescue, that I didn't do things that I would normally have done. So there are a million women that crossed my mind yesterday that I wanted to wish a happy Mother's Day to. I had this whole text thought out in my brain. And I may still send them late. Um, I never wrote it. I just kind of rode the wave of the day. Um, I was intentional about going to my mom's gravesite. Um, and I wanted to write her this beautifully articulated thing because I write and words, you know, words are my thing. Um, but I just decided to write down whatever spilled out of my mind and just go with that, not finish it. I have had saved in my phone the photo that I was going to post for Mother's Day for months. Um, I'm almost finished with the post and I just didn't know what I wanted to say. I've had the first line of what I wanted to say for months, but I couldn't get beyond the first line. I need more lotion. Have you ever wondered— here comes a stream of consciousness— why people who make lotion also have a foot cream? You know, is it basically the same, just thicker? Just wondering. I mean, I'm looking at the ingredients and basically, I mean, it looks almost the same. Is it marketing? Anyway, um, so yeah, so the— there's just a lot of things. So I woke up this morning feeling like I can't get on live. I didn't do yesterday. I didn't, I didn't post about my mom. On social media. I didn't even finish the letter that I had written to her. I, you know, I, I didn't do it, like, you know what I mean? Like, but I rode the wave, and I think that that's good. So this morning, thank y'all for giving me permission Yeah, Pronounce It Flawless on Instagram said, I didn't post anything either. I just wanted to honor my mom in private, even if it was only with my thoughts. Yeah, it's just kind of like— Carla said, I didn't finish my letter either. It was just too much. I think it's an ongoing letter. I think it's It's an ongoing letter, you know what I mean? And I think— here's, here's what I think I want to say to you this morning. And I didn't have a guest because that meant I would have had to plan, and I didn't want to plan, you know. I needed to get into— I need to get through the weekend. So here you go. I'm here with no planning, no coffee, no tea. But I'm here. How about that? Here's what I wanted to say. And, and the thing is, y'all, like, I'm sitting here going, uh, it's 7 AM, like I'm supposed to be— I'm supposed to be online. Who's gonna go on live every day at 7 AM and not be on at 7 AM and not say nothing? Y'all who asked me about skincare, this is it. This is why I can't recommend any skincare products because whatever I put on my hands— clean hands, by the way, my hands are clean— I just put on my face. So there you go. Yeah, so I'm here and I just thought, here's the lesson that I didn't have time to think about a title for, or, you know, whatever. And then I thought, um, yes, Santessa, I showed up. And then I thought, this is the lesson. So after this is done, then I'll go back, find a pretty picture, slap a title on it, and we'll call it something. So y'all can help me title this as we go. The lesson is, when life does not tie up neat and nice in a bow, you still show up. Now we do this for work. If you've had a crazy rough weekend, if you've had a disastrous evening the night before, if your husband is threatening to leave you and your kids don't respect you and your house is borderline foreclosure, and if your 401k, you've whittled that down because you keep having to take money out for emergencies, and if the doctor's report is not good, you still go to work the next day. Hey, back this up. I'm just in y'all's face. Let me just back it up a little bit. So the lesson here is you got to show up, you know what I'm saying? You have to show up, and you have to show up for your life with the hard stuff. Let me tell you what happened yesterday. So I have a— I am a very I'm a very low maintenance person in female— in, in the quotient of female things. Like, I don't need to go get my nails done. I don't get my hair done. I mean, it's— and when I do, it's functional. It's not like I actually like the way somebody else does my hair better than I do it. I actually like the way I do my hair. But if I go to the Drybar then they have Wi-Fi, and for 90 minutes it's more valuable for me to work and pay somebody else for me to— my time is more valuable than the $45 I paid the Drybar lady. So if that means 90 minutes where I could answer emails and get things done, it's a convenience, it's not really a, like, a maintenance thing. And so, um, So, but I'm not like what some people would call a high maintenance woman. I'm not like, I don't like to shop. Um, you know, it's just not my thing. I was thinking about my mother yesterday and thinking, I just did not get that gene. I just didn't. Just Priscilla all day is Miss Hospitality. Her home is beautifully decorated. She always looks like a million bucks. You know, my thing is I choose comfort over um, you know, presentation, which is a problem. That's a problem, and I'm working on that, you know what I mean? Um, but, but the reality is, is I, I just, in female points, I just don't require a lot. Um, so that's good. Now there are other things that are problematic. Um, like my emotional quotient is pretty high, So my poor husband, he cannot, he can't keep up. He can't keep up with my emotional needs. And they are, I mean, but listen, in all full disclosure, and Jesse, if you're watching, y'all, he's been watching. The Friday when we went into feminine products to help with the sneezing problems, he just said, I just had to turn it off. I said, 'Cause you didn't come in. You didn't come in. 'Cause he normally comes in and says, 'Stop it.' Like he texts me and says, 'Chrystal,' in all caps. And he didn't come in on Friday. And then he said that was because he said, 'I just had to turn it off. I had to let it go.' I was like, 'You just are who you are and there's nothing I can do about it.' So anyway, so he's constantly trying to keep up with, he is. But in full disclosure, I told him before we got married, I got a little cray cray. Like, I told him that in advance. I didn't say I had a beautiful mind because I didn't want him to think I'm mentally ill. I'm not mentally ill, at least I don't think so. The question is, is if somebody's mentally ill, do they know it? Anyway, I just think I have a very overactive thought process about a lot of things, and I like— I do struggle with perfectionistic tendencies, and I do like for things to be right, so I like to examine things from all angles to list all the pros and the cons to make sure that when I make a decision, I'm making the best decision possible. And you know, there's a saying, you want to measure twice and cut once. Let's just say I like to measure 47 times and cut once. It makes my team crazy because I don't like making mistakes. Uh, I— it's not that I'm not willing to make mistakes, I just don't want to make them if we had the opportunity to attempt to make a good why we make a bad decision and learn from the bad decision. So let's analyze it. Let's talk about it. Let's look at all the options so that when we choose an option, that we choose the right one. It's a little insane, but my husband, bless his heart, is, um, susceptible to that reality emotionally for me. And so I don't like being an afterthought. So while I am a low-maintenance woman, um, by many women's standards. I am high maintenance about your intentionality. I don't care if you get me a Starbucks gift card or a gift card to Barnes Noble. I don't care if we go out to coffee. I don't care if we go for a ride an hour away just to go to a great restaurant, you know, just because. I don't care, like, if it's very, very simple. I just like intentionality. And so I made the assumption yesterday— Instagram, my phone is not— my— hopefully my phone is okay for y'all. I feel like it's doing weird things. I think everybody being at home and working from home has jacked up all of the internet, especially for the people who always work from home. We're all working on limited bandwidth. That's a whole sermon. I need to write that down. Anyway, I made assumptions. Now here's the tip for relationships: you gotta not make assumptions. And whatever you expect, you have to communicate. You have to communicate. It's not fair to hold people to standards that you have not communicated. Okay, so I made assumptions yesterday that he was going to be an afterthought, that I I was— he was good. I was gonna be an afterthought. So first of all, let me tell you, he went to the store. Now my husband and I have a beef with him about going to the store. He likes to go to the store, and for years he traveled. He was not here. And so I ran this place, and I knew how to do that because I was a single parent for 10 years. So I knew how to run a a home, and I knew how to make decisions. I knew how to do a lot of things. And then when we got married, he traveled. So then we started having babies, and I just kept running things. And I do believe that it is my primary responsibility to care for our home, be responsible for our home, even if the tasks we share around our house are for both of us. And I think he would agree with the same thing. He's not chiming in. He's probably afraid to now that I told everybody he's here. So, so what has happened in the last few years, he's been around a lot more and we run into each other and I have a way of doing things. So it's a, it's a trigger for me to— I hate that word. I just feel like that word is so overused, but it's the right word in this instance. Ashley, are you watching? It's a trigger for me to see him walk in with a grocery bag from Walmart because to me that means that he just bought something that we don't need, that we don't need, or that I already have. But because he didn't check with me, now we've double bought, which means wasting money. It's a trigger. So I saw the bag, y'all, And I just went in. I was like, oh, you went to the store? I said, what did you get? I said, I just went to the store, y'all. I just went in. I just went to the store. And I could tell that he, he, his response was because he knew I was going in. He's like, oh Lord, here she goes, here she goes. I can't do nothing. I can't go to the store and buy a can of biscuits without her having something to say. I see you, Carla. You said single mothers sometimes have a hard time relinquishing their power. That might be true. And I have to tell you, after 19 years of being married, I don't think I have. I, I don't think I have. I think I still believe that, that I'm in charge totally in some areas. In some areas I do, I do believe, I do believe in roles in marriage. I do believe that ultimately God holds my husband responsible that when we— uh, K Mathis Mongo said, are you talking about your husband or mine? Are we married to the same guy? So I, I do believe that, you know, that, that when we both— when we disagree, that I have to yield. That's what submission is all about. Submission is not, uh, he's always right. Submission is not I don't get to have a comment. Submission is not I don't get to communicate. Submission is somebody's responsible, and when that happens, somebody has to yield. Submission is not about who's the smartest. It is not about who's the wisest. It is not about who's the best. It is not about who's— it is about— it is about saying that when the rubber meets the road, I'm going to say what I have to say. I'm going to honor you when I say it. Listen, this is how I feel. This is why it takes— sidebar stream of consciousness— this is why it takes two whole people to make a marriage. Now this, y'all, I really believe this is— I don't like the word coach, secondary stream of consciousness, because, um, because it's overused. And coach for some people is something that they spent a lot of money to be able to say that they have done the work. They've studied, they've taken the class, they've done the whatever, and they want to be able to say, I am ready to coach you, I'm prepared. Um, and I don't want to steal from people who have done the work for that. But really, if you call me a mentor, I'm okay with that, kind of, uh, because it also intimates that I'm older, maybe a little bit. But anyway, um, mentoring— if you're using coach in a mentoring way, okay, then I'm a Coach Adventure. So it makes me really happy when the millennials, millennials are on because I feel like if I can just save you some time. So if you are under, what is it, 30 to 35? If you're under 35 and you're watching, uh, you know, give me, give me that this morning. Give me a punch, a dap, whatever you want to call it, so I know you're here. Because it makes me happy when I feel like I can save you some drama I want to know that you're here. It makes me happy to know that you're here. Give me some of that, some of that. Okay, so, uh, so I want to save you some drama. This is why it takes— I see y'all, there you go, you give me thumbs up. I always say thumbs up, here you come back with the dab. Okay, got to my— hey, power to the people! So here's the, here's the thing. I love it, I love that y'all are here and And some of us over 35 need this lesson too. If you are looking for him and you are not whole, listen, you are going to have so many problems. You're gonna have so many problems because you're gonna expect that he is able to do all the things, and he is going to be looking for you to do all the things, and you are not going to bring the best of who you are with all your things. To the marriage. And I don't care how wonderful you think he is, he is not 100. I don't care how wonderful he thinks you are, you are not 100. But when you both bring your own personal best, best, your 100, it actually makes the 100 with y'all together. Because you understand what I'm saying? You are not designed to do everything on your own, but you can bring the best of who you are to your marriage. And here's why this matters, because I don't care what you believe about him to be true before you get married, he's gonna need you to be your 100. He's going to need you to be your 100. You're going to— you're gonna wake up one morning and realize he don't know that. You're gonna look at him one beautiful morning when both of y'all have bad breath and y'all are now realizing the full effect of each other's dog, and you're gonna look at him and say, I thought, I thought he would know that. He's gonna look at you and think the exact same thing. So when you bring the full force effect of who you are to the marriage, you are a blessing to your husband. This is why you need to be whole. Manage your own money, learn that. Excel in your own career, learn that. Learn how to maintain your own home, Learn that. Learn how to cook, not so that you can just cook for a man, but so that you can learn how to fix food that is beneficial to your body. Learn that. He's going to bring some things to marriage that you didn't want to learn. So whatever God has put in you, do all the things. Because listen, if you're still looking for him, he needs you to bring all of your things to your marriage so when he brings all of his things to y'all's marriage, y'all could be all right. Okay, so my husband— back to the Walmart bag. See, I can come back from a stream of consciousness. Back from the Walmart bag. Um, so I, I went all the way in because I was just like, you're messing up my my plans, my grocery plans. And, you know, he's a, he's a big picture manager of money. I'm a jot and tittle manager of money, um, when I'm disciplined and doing my weekly budget management situation. So I want to know— I know that all of those random trips to Walmart, like, they add up, just like my random trips to Starbucks add up, right? But I do— I rail him when he go— it's just a problem. So it just went off of the rockers this weekend because I, I just was like, you went— this is what I was thinking— you went to the store and I don't see no flowers, which means you might go out on Sunday morning at the last minute to give me some flowers. So really, this was about, um, and Gary Thomas said in my recent podcast episode with him. It was 256. ChrystalEvansHurst.com/256. See, I'm just so not on my game this morning because some of y'all are here, you're like, who is this? Here you go, that's who I am, Chrystal Hurst. Okay, so I, I, you know, Gary Thomas said most arguments are about what? And, and the answer was nothing. It's nothing. It's not about the thing that you're— it's not about the thing that's the thing at that moment. It's about some undercurrent thing. So my undercurrent is I don't want to be an afterthought. That was the thing. But y'all, here's the problem. That carried over, okay? This carried over. Y'all said Starbucks doesn't count. This carried over into the evening. So I was gonna leave. I was gonna go with my brother and my dad to go take care of something. And, um, on my way out the door, I looked at my 3 sons and I said, sons, Listen here, I'm about to leave. While I'm gone, you need to go to your dad and you need to say, Dad, take us to the store because Mother's Day is tomorrow and y'all need to get me some stuff. That's what I told him. And I said, listen, I know that this is a horrible thing for me to tell you to go to the store and get me some stuff because you're supposed to get me a gift, but you need to think about me. You need to honor me. The Bible says honor your mother and your father, and tomorrow is Mother's Day. You need to honor me. And here's why I'm telling you to honor me. I'm telling you to honor me and go to the store and get me some stuff because, listen, this is not going to fly with your wives. I'm helping you right now. Your wives are not going to appreciate being an afterthought. So you need to go to the store because you need practice thinking in advance about how you are going to treat your wives. You need to go to the store and don't give me some flowers. That's fine, you give me flowers, I appreciate flowers when there's a thought in it. But y'all know me, and y'all know— I mean, and don't get me wrong, I love flowers that come with a thought, but I also believe that people who know me really well should have a list of other things they can get me besides flowers because they know me and they know that I'm I'm not a high-maintenance woman. So those kinds of things that take maintenance and all that kind of stuff. Let me, stream of consciousness thought. Last Mother's Day, my mother and I, my dad, I think, was my husband with us? I think so. We went out to eat. We were with her going to a doctor's visit. We went out to eat.. And my dad and my mom were asking my husband and I what, what we were, what he was gonna do for me for Mother's Day. And while my husband was talking, I leaned over to my mother and I said, watch this, he gonna give me some flowers and he know I don't like flowers. And she was like, mm. I said, listen, we've been married a long time. He's heard me say a million times I don't like flowers, but he's gonna wait till last minute and he's gonna go give me some flowers. I was just on the download saying that to her. Y'all, we left my parents, dropped them off at home. We came home. I got home, there was a delivery of flowers on my doorstep, not from my husband, but from my mother. I called her and I said, I'm so sorry, fuck. I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm just railing on him, telling her how I don't like Flo. And the thing is, my mother loves flowers, loves giving them and receiving them. And I, and I, and from her, I appreciated them because I knew that that was her giving me her best. It was forethought, it was planned, they were delivered, you know what I mean? I, I, I, it was more to it than just the flower, you understand what I'm saying? But I was like, right then and there, I thought, this is why, this is why you, you gotta be gracious in receiving what people give you, because you never know who's listening and you never know somebody's intent. But apparently last year I forgot that lesson. I forgot that lesson. Forgot that lesson because I railed on my husband. Then I went and railed on my boys. And I just went all the way in and I said, y'all better think in advance and y'all better give me some stuff and y'all better do this. I just went out and said— and then I, then I went to my husband and I said, listen, these boys are only going to learn how to be intentional with their wives by watching you. So I just told them that they need to go to the store. So when they come to you and tell you that they need you to take you to the store, don't get mad at them, just take them to the store. Because I'm trying to teach them something. Like I told y'all, a beautiful mind. So then, y'all, Sunday morning comes, Jesse gets up early, and my assumption is That's because he's about to run to the store. Then the boys, their alarm goes off early and I assume that's because last night while I was gone, they asked him to take them to the store and he didn't. Because when I got back, the house was, you know, then nobody had gone anywhere. It didn't look like to me. So I'm thinking all these jokers about to pile in the car and run to Walmart and get me whatever flowers are left over. And get me, you know, some whatever, some, some, you know, not a Hava. They're not gonna get me a Hava, right? They're gonna get me some Walmart lotion. I don't have anything against Walmart lotion, but it's the afterthought part. So I'm in the room and I'm trying to finish my letter to my mother and That's not going as well as I'd like. Some tears are coming down my face. And then, you know, I hear my husband coming, hear his feet on the floor. And I think he's coming to just say, you know, happy Mother's Day. So the first person that comes in the room is my youngest son and he has a tray because apparently the croissant rolls that my husband bought yesterday when he went to Walmart were for my in-bed breakfast this morning. And not only that, but the glass that the juice was in made the way I like it. Because you know when you buy frozen juice, you pour the frozen juice— does anybody still buy frozen juice? I grew up buying frozen juice because it was cheaper. But anyway, um, you pour the frozen juice in and then you add 3 cups of water. But when I serve the boys, it's too much sugar, you know, too much sugar. So I add an extra cup of water. So it had— I could taste it and it had the extra cup of water in there. And the boys came in wishing me a happy Mother's Day with flowers that were not bought the morning of. And then the boys came in with cards that they made that had not been written that morning. Because before I railed on them, they had a plan. In fact, my middle son said, Mommy, do you know how hard it was yesterday? When you were talking to us, when you were fussing at us, do you know how hard it was not to say, we already got you stuff from Brother Steve? So when I was railing on them, not only had they already prepared, but then they didn't say anything. I was like, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I told my husband, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I took the flowers that they gave me and when I went to my mother's grave, I gave them to her. And I think that the lesson here— there's a lot of lessons there. I think that the lesson here is you should always be a gracious receiver of what people do for you. Always. You should always be a gracious, gracious receiver of what people do for you. Now, that doesn't mean— that does not mean that you should not tell people what you need. My mother always would say, you got to communicate. Men cannot read your mind. You have to tell them what you want. But, um, you should always be a gracious receiver because the thing that they do for you, the thing that they give to you, the thing that they give you— that's not the thing. They're— the act is the thing. And yes, teach them what you love, 100%, but when they miss it or when they're late, or when they're not intentional, or when they're repetitive. You just, you should be a gracious receiver. Um, the other thing that I would say is, you know, watch your assumptions. You know, you, you do have to teach people how to love you. Yes, I see you on Instagram. You do have to teach people how to love you, 100%, but you also go. When they love you the way they love you, be gracious. Be gracious. A beauty of being a woman is that you get to learn with time, with wisdom, how to communicate with people in such a way. Let me, let me give you a hint, man. I don't even know what I should title this. A lot of relationship talk, and there may be some men— one, okay, so I just need to know. Y'all come out of hiding. If you're a dude and you're watching, if you are a male and you are watching, uh, can you wave at me? Just give me a wave. Give me an emoji wave. I want to know if you are a male species and you are on here looking. Hi France, I see you. Hi France. The Five Love Languages, great book, great book on Instagram. I want you to wait. I see you, John. John, yo, 77, come out of hiding. You here? I know you're here. Just wave if you're a guy. Just say hello. Come on. I've had some of y'all tell me that you're at home, you're in the kitchen drinking your morning coffee, and your husband is watching too. So I'm just like, let's just call you out of hiding. Or You may not even— may not even be a husband. You may just be, you know— hi, hi, I see you, Jonathan, coming out of hiding. Come on now, Shannon, you said your husband is watching with you. All right, all right, Terry, I see you. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Hi, Alan, thank you for joining us today. So I'm going to let out a little secret, but I'm gonna say it in such a way hopefully where I'm not gonna let the whole cat out of the bag, okay? The whole cat out of the bag. Okay, hi Peggy Haynes, your husband is there laughing. Okay, women, you know, if you've watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding, you know that she says the, the woman is the neck. I believe that the woman can be, you know, depending on the situation, yes, you can run your own company and be the head, absolutely. But there is a power that we have, and God gave it to women. He did not give this power to men. There is a power of influence, um, and sometimes that is influenced through your womanly wiles. Sometimes that is influenced through your words, your mouth. Sometimes it is influenced through your eyes. Um, we know things, and, and men do too. I'm just saying the power of influence though. And if you can decide to harness that power, there are some battles that you are fighting the wrong way. There are some things that you're talking about too much. There are some things that you are, you are nagging about, and because you're nagging, you are missing the whole plan. And any man that's here can probably attest to this truth. That the right woman with the right look, with the right words, with the right body language, with the right suggestion— not statement, but suggestion— with the right question can yield a power of influence far beyond anything that she could bulldoze through with her own will. So I just want to say You need to understand your power of influence, that sometimes it is better to be the neck than to be the head. That's all I want to say about that right now. Yes, Melanie on Facebook, nagging is totally destructive. Carlisa, Carlisa, I'm not sure, but you said— okay, wait, I'm going to get more paper, write the stuff down. Listen, I need y'all to understand, some of us are beating ourselves over the head trying to make things happen, and you just need to just do it a different way. You just need to go in a different way, you know. And somewhere in the journey of, you know, Feminism, and, and there's a lot of great things that have come about because of feministic movements, so I'm not bashing feminism. What I'm saying is that everything, everything in life, when it's reactive, has the tendency like a pendulum to swing too far. You can go too far to the end of submission, and we have men in power telling women to stay there even if she's being abused. Abused, and that is not what the Bible says. And then because of that, then you have the other pendulum that will swing all the way to the other extreme about feminism, and then to say that we are all— we are the same. And while there are a lot of things that are the same about us, there is— there were differences in how God created us, and there are differences for a reason. So when we fight against those differences and you show up and say I can wear the pants too. Yeah, you can wear the pants, but if that's how you show up, you may not run as far in those pants as you may think you can, depending on the circumstances, particularly when you're in a marriage. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Now, I believe that, um, Lean In— my brain just died, so I can't think of the name of that book. The author of the book, but Lean In. Uh, lady was, um, COO at Facebook. It'll come to me in a minute. If you already know it, go ahead and put it in the comments. She said so many women are not leaning in. Elaine, girl, Elaine, let me tell you what some of y'all are singing right now. Some of y'all are like, girls run the world. That is what is happening in your mind right now. All you got is Beyoncé's situation playing in your head, thinking about that time, you know, Oprah had her on. She, she sang that song. Listen, I, I do believe, you know, that we have— we do have power. But I'm— what I'm trying to tell y'all is some of us have shared— thank you, Cheryl Sandberg— have swung too far. So Cheryl Sandberg wrote the book, and I do believe that. I think that a lot of us, because of narratives from our youth, narratives from our childhood, narratives from our parents, narratives from the church, uh, we sit back too far. And yes, you can manage the money, you can make a million dollars, you can run the company, you can have the next big idea, you can let your intuition rule because God gave you a sixth sense, you can sit at the table, you can have a real estate company, you can lean forward and have the best idea at the table. You can exercise your influence but also exercise your power in the right circumstances. I'm all here for all the business things that women want to do, for all of the, the money decisions that women want to do, for the women that have to not only go to work but work the extra job to make the retirement happen and send the 3 kids to college and still have to raise the 5 kids when the man leaves. I'm all for it. And I want to tell you that in certain circumstances, you lean in and you rule. In Genesis When God gave the dominion mandate, he said, let them, male and female, rule. What I'm telling you about is that when you have a partnership— and some of y'all know this to be true from business— when you have a partnership, everybody needs to understand their role. And marriage is a partnership. And if you run ransacked over your husband talking about, I'ma rule this piece, you're going to do one of two things. You're going to set yourself up for conflict or you are going to emasculate the man you're married to. And there is nothing worse than being married to an emasculated man. Somebody needs to write that down. So I'm saying you need to lean in in the appropriate places, but you need to understand that just like in business, partnership needs role so y'all don't step all over each other's feet, so does marriage. So does marriage. So that's your lesson in marriage for today. I hope my daddy's not watching. Daddy, if you're watching, did I get that wrong? Honey, Jesse, did I get that wrong? Hopefully. Yeah, it does damage to the kid. It's just— yeah, it's not good. But most of us don't know what it looks like like to be a strong woman who walks well into her gifts and also to know her role in her marriage. We don't— we feel like we either have to lay down and say nothing or be all-powerful, you know, single woman, single mom. And there's a, there's a middle. There's a middle. Um, there's a middle. I heard David Mann say once, um, that he used to not necessarily bring his wife into business matters because, you know, he was running the business or whatever. And then he said, I realized that I was short— I was short-circuiting my business decisions because even though I do a lot of the business decisions for our family, for our business, for our ministry, my wife knows things. And I just started to bring her in the meetings because she could sniff stuff out. She knew when somebody was lying. She knew when they were full of baloney. She knew when there was a question that I would need to ask that I wasn't asking. It doesn't mean she wanted to do all the paperwork. It didn't mean that she wanted to do all the deals. It doesn't mean that she wanted to read the contracts. What it did mean is that she knew people, and I was shortcutting myself by not having her in the meeting. And so I brought her in the meetings mainly just so she could sniff out people. And then when she told me, don't do business with him. Something not right. He would try to add it all up and say, well, I don't see, and this is the proof here, and, and then he would go ahead and do it, and then later realize someone right, and he should have listened to her. So you need to give your people grace. You need to understand your role, um, and then you need to give it time. Relationships take time to get right. We went out to dinner with my parents one time, and I was talking to my parents about money because my, my husband is a saver. I am not. I am not. I am, I, I am. It's not that I'm not a saver, it's just that I like to save when I have extra money. It's like if you get unexpected money, okay, then I'll save because I wasn't expecting it. It's just, it's also— but my husband is a is a saver of, of money. Uh, now, and I'm a big spender and he's a nickel and dime spender. Well, no, that's not true. We both are nickel and dime spenders for certain things, and we're both big spenders for certain things. He'll buy an RV in a minute. Me, on the other hand, the MacBook 13 inches just came out, the new ones, and I think I'm about to do it because my 4, 5-year-old computer is struggling with all this live streaming. Um, So we have our big spend ticket items on technology, his experiences, RVs, camping, that kind of thing, cars. My nickel and dime for myself is gonna be Starbucks. His is gonna be his little things at Walmart. He likes dollar stores and pawn shops. I like candles and, you know, we have our things. But I was at dinner with my parents and and, um, I was trying to convince— I was trying to get my dad to tell my husband to stop hoarding money because he used to— he used to work and travel a lot, and so he would earn a per diem for travel and he wouldn't spend it. He didn't need to spend it, um, and so he would save it. And I was like, that's unfair. And at the time, y'all, we had a $25 allowance and that wasn't enough. I'm like, if I go if I have the kids and we go anywhere, like, that allowance is gone. Like, we, you know. So I was trying to get my dad to tell my husband to— that he couldn't hoard the per diem because that basically was an allowance that I didn't have. Like, we should split it. If it's extra money, we should split it. And my husband was like, no, I'm not sharing, because in his mind he would be saving for things for the family. I said, well, but if that's the case then we should discuss what we're saving for. It shouldn't be unilateral. Like, we had this whole, whole thing. And so I'm telling my dad, Dad, tell him that this is not right, y'all. I'm not lying. At the dinner table, my mother said, oh, your dad can't help you. I said, what do you mean? Tony, take out your wallet. So my dad takes out his wallet, it's just stuffed full of cash. She said, your dad does the same thing. There's nothing that he can tell your husband because he does the same thing. He just holds on to money and I always want access to it. And he's like, no, that's his money. And if he wants to save it, that's what he can do. So then my mother said to me, don't die on that mountain. Don't die on that mountain. She looked at me and she said, who manages the checkbook? I said, I do. She said, so he trusts you to manage the whole checkbook. What you're asking him to give you, just give it to yourself. If you save money at the grocery store and you're still under budget, get what you want when you check out. I was like, Oh, is that how that works? Is that how that works? So then you better believe I started cutting coupons. I started shopping the sales. I learned how to cook out of my pantry. I learned all the things. I was like, oh, she said, if he trusts you to manage the whole doggone budget, if he decides— I tell him my secret, Jesse, if you're watching— if he decides to keep his extra money from travel Then you figure out, my dear, how to make it rain in y'all's budget. I said, oh, is that how this is supposed to work? So be gracious, be kind, know your role, and then I forgot what the last point was. I said it. I forgot, I forgot. I was trying to make it— I was trying to have points. But anyway, so many things I would talk to my mom about and her response would just be like, mm-hmm. And if you've ever been around somebody older, then you'll get that vibe from them. It'll be like, mm-hmm, because they know you just have to figure it out. Yes, and learn how to make your own money. So my husband would, you know, we homeschooled, and I told y'all about how I would go to the homeschool book conference on Friday. I told y'all how I would do that every Mother's Day weekend. And, um, and then I, and then I went to work. I was teaching at our homeschool co-op. I taught algebra, I taught writing, and I made money to pay for my kids' classes because they needed to take more classes of things I didn't really want to teach. And so I made money to teach, and then I was like, oh wait, if I make more money than what I need to pay my other kids' teachers, then I could get more of the stuff I want for school. And then, then I said to my husband, hey, can I, can I get my hair done? Because I'm making enough money to get my hair done. You good with that? Started getting my hair done. So you just have to figure it out, you know, and I've seen more more women figure it out out of necessity than anything else. So I want to encourage you all to figure it out. Know that you have influence and be gracious. You have power. Be— be— be— yeah, you got— you got the points. Let me put this on the screen here for y'all who are on Facebook, YouTube, and Periscope. Sherrilyn is taking notes. She said, be gracious, be kind, know your role, watch your expectations, harness your power of influence and use your influence wisely. Is this wisdom? Because somebody's like, ooh, this is wisdom, with the hand clap. And I'm like, is it? I thought I was telling y'all how I screwed up this weekend. So, uh, and then, you know, it's gonna change. You know, marriage is gonna change. I heard Bishop T.D. Jakes say one time, uh, the reason why he was, um, it was Kirk and Tammy's 10-year anniversary, Kirk and Bishop Jamie Franklin, and Bishop was doing the renewal of vows, and he said the reason why the marriage has to be a court of three, the reason why you have to include God in your marriage, is because God is the only person who can help you pick the right person, because he's the only one who not only needs— knows what you want and need now, but who also knows what you will want and need later. So if you marry somebody right now for what they can give to you right now, what you can give to them right now, you don't know where you're going to be in 20 years. You don't know if you're going to have a sickness and you need somebody who can step it up and make up the difference in your finances, step it up and take care of you and be your private nurse. So you, you gotta, you gotta, you need God to say, I know what's coming and let me help you pick the right person. So anyway, before I get off, because you know, y'all, Instagram is gonna die in probably— it's gonna die in about 5 minutes. I wanted to show y'all something. Hold on, hold on. If I was ready, this wouldn't happen. And some of y'all have asked me if I'm going to continue to doing this. Continue doing this after quarantine. Right now, y'all, I'm committed to going through May the 22nd, Friday, May the 22nd, because the online event that we have planned for you— and we started selling tickets, our passes, our all-access passes to the Inner Circle. They got, they got access on Saturday. If you're on my email list, you'll get access, I believe, today. Is that Monique? Are we doing it today? Mo, can you let me know? I think so. So the email list will get access today. We're gonna double-check our— if we have any limitations since it's digital, and, and make sure I don't go over my, my limit. Not only did my boys make me cards, this is the card— I may have to back up for this— but this is the card my youngest son made me. Now look at this, look at this, look at this. Not only did he write me a card, He wrote me a huge card.

Huge.

Okay, so I wanted to read you this because I think this is the lesson. Okay, it's like a newspaper. And this is the kid who, who hates when we have to do his stuff for his writing class. He's miserable. Why do I have to write? What? I see your question about the Inner Circle Coffee. I'll tell y'all in just a second. Mom, so what he did is he took all the areas— clothing, shelter, food, toys, uh, working, education, raising children, and leadership— and he told me how, why he, why I had value in those areas. Who, what, whose kid are you? And then the main message says, Mom, you're the best mom ever. I love you so much. Everybody is proud of you, even Grandma, too Daddy, too Mama, Grandpa, Aunt Wint, and especially Nonni, AKA your mom. All of these things I said to you, adding to this, even though you miss Nonni and she would have been proud of you, she's still proud of you you in heaven, and she's still in your heart. Everybody in heaven is. Nani gave you the great knowledge— you— she gave you great knowledge to be a great mother. So my first thought is, not only are you wishing me a happy Mother's Day, but you went and listed everybody that you know of in our family who's gone to heaven. Like, the historical references here, the setup. Personally, I think God sent COVID-19 to settle everybody down. And to think of all the sacrifices all the people in heaven made and to think about them. That's why I think, um, I, I, that's why I think it, oh, that COVID-19 has gone until Mother's Day so that we can think about all the sacrifices, all the sacrifices mothers give up in their lives to raise their children. Nani was a great lady giving up her life to raise you and your siblings. Instead of spending all that money on other stuff. Even though we don't think the school— that school is worth it, it is worth it because you're giving up your life to provide for ours. Thank you so much. Love you, love you forever. Thanks for everything, Mom. You're not just any mom, you're a true mom, and so was Nonni. Hope you like the stuff I made you. Sincerely and love, Joel. And I was fussing at them, and when I busted them, he had already written this. He's 11. Like, this is why babies, the babies of the family, are jacked up, because he was already the baby of the family. Now he wrote me. You know, my teenage boys, they wrote me letters too, you know. But they were a little shorter with a little sarcasm mixed in. Mom, thank you for the education you have given us, uh, this education that most kids don't get. Um, I believe we will be done with college quicker and, and, and we'll be geniuses. It will be a genius world record because of how much we are learning. Thank you for our home learning. But here's what he said that I want to ask you, because you know I'm saving this one forever. Um, he said, I think God sent COVID-19 to settle everybody down. Now, I'm not gonna say God sent COVID-19. I'm gonna say God allows. He's a good God who allowed us to continue living, humankind to continue living in a fallen world, which means that in a fallen world bad things happen. Sometimes out of his grace and mercy he intervenes, but we're all going to die, and we don't, we don't all get to pick the way we go. So he does allow pain, he does allow suffering. I do believe that often we bring it on ourselves because we don't eat right, and then we wonder why does God allow an affliction? And he's like, but you're the one who ate all that sugar or ate all that fast food or drank all that liquor. But the point is, um, he does allow. And the question is, Joel said God sent COVID-19 so that everybody can settle down. My question is, since God allowed COVID-19, why did he allow it in your situation? What are you going to get out of this? I keep saying, y'all, we cannot go out of COVID-19. We cannot come out of Corona the same way we went in. And you already know what you're supposed to be doing. You already know. You already know that you're supposed to be breaking out your Bible if you had not already been. You already know you're supposed to be eating at home if you had not already been. You already knew you were supposed to be spending more time with your family. If you had not already been. You already knew that you should have made more time for reading or other things that you love, which, if you had not already been, you already knew that. So now, y'all, the gig is up. You've had enough time to Netflix and chill. You've had enough time to stress out about work. You've had enough, you've had enough time. So what I'm saying is this is a wonderful opportunity to hit the reset button, okay? And I need you to take the opportunity. Some of y'all have been thinking, I need to start that side business, that side hustle, and you've been too distracted to do it. Well, now you really need to start that side hustle so never again are you dependent on a check from somebody else alone. You understand what I'm saying? I'm saying this is your wake-up call. It's a wake-up call. So that's why I'm here until May the 22nd. I'm gonna keep giving you a wake-up call. Here's the reason why I can't do this every day, y'all, because some days I don't even know what to talk about. Do you— people who have daily shows have whole production teams and their only job is to get the guests, to line things up, to make the graphics. And I have a great team, but I don't have no full-blown production team. So, uh-oh, 2 minutes left on Instagram. So let me tell you this, and then I will take, meh, a few questions on Facebook or YouTube, Periscope. So if you want to know about getting on my email list, I'll put that back up here for you if I can, because my computer is running slow. There we go. Go to chrystalevanshurst.com and Simply put your email in the email box. Okay, ChrystalEvansHurst.com. That way you won't miss out on anything. Okay, uh, if you haven't yet listened to last week's podcast, it's episode 257. Check it out because it's wonderful. It's about leaving legacy. If you are looking for community, go to the Facebook group, ChrystalEvansHurst.com/FacebookGroup. Somebody help me out on Instagram and type that in. And then on, if you are wanting more information about the Inner Circle. So the thing is, the Inner Circle, we're on a 21-day journey and most of the levels are closed. The beginning level, co-producer of the podcast, um, you can still do that. And Inner Circle gets stuff first, so you can always jump in there. But the other levels, the coaching where you get the teaching, connection, coffee, fun stuff, the journeys, the 21-day journeys and the 90-day experiences and all that stuff That is in the Inner Circle, so go to Chrystal— whoop, they cut off. Good morning. Got class at 9, right? Okay, so anyway, that's the Inner Circle, so you're more than welcome to jump in because I still share bonus content in there. Like, there was a whole 12-minute extras of Jill Briscoe last week, so it's great. So I still share extra stuff in there. And then when you want to join us for other levels, then we'll open up the doors in the future. Okay, so a few questions. I'll take a few questions. If you've already posted a question, posted a question, and I didn't see it. Okay, so Andrea Archibald, you said, can we ask questions in the Facebook group for advice? So yes and no. So when you come in, there are over 5,000 women in that group now, and I'm a part of Facebook groups where the floor is open all the time. If the group has a purpose, like I'm in groups for learning about marketing or learning about running a membership, or I'm in groups that are for homeschooling, those groups I don't mind the random questions because they're about a topic and I'm there for topic. But there are some groups I'm in that are wide, like a lot of topics, and it's too much. I can't find what I'm looking for. So what we decided in this group, since it's about all the things, is when you come in, you basically ask the question that you have, because we found that most people ask questions that are kind of in the same whatever. And so we will take— we take the questions and we pose them so that the group is digestible. Now in the Inner Circle, because it's smaller, the Inner Circle, when you're at the coaching level and up, you, you can get into a special group and they— that group is free. They can talk about whatever they want to with it. But the Facebook group, because there's so many people, we kind of push the comments. What we're going to start doing here soon is saying like, here's the question for the week, or here's the topic for the week, and then letting buzz happen about that topic because we're trying to make sure that not overwhelming. So yes and no. In the Facebook group you can, but it's not like you post it and it goes up immediately. Lanika said, can I do some cooking? She's on YouTube. So I was cooking, and then y'all, I got tired, so we ate out a lot last week, I'm sad to say. But I did go to the store, plus we, plus we went a little out of town for a little bit. So, um, on a little drive. So I will be doing more of that. I would love to have like a professional coffee— like a professional, um, setup, like an actual tripod that like bends over so I can get that top-down view with cooking, you know. And again, those are all things that take time and money, which is why for those who are in the Inner Circle, that stuff helps me to do all that stuff. So some of y'all at one point were like, Chrystal, you have to— your sound, your sound. And so here you go, I have a mic right here. And first I had a mic on the desk and I kept hitting the desk, and so then I got this boom arm, you know, it was like $20 on Amazon. So now I'm messing up the mic. So basically that's why I haven't been cooking, because I have to do all kind of jerry-rig things things, then I'm praying to God that my phone doesn't fall into the pot. So yes, I will do more. I actually have some videos that I, that I never actually shared, and I probably, you know, making videos for stories is different than making videos for YouTube because stories go long and YouTube goes this way. And anyway, vegan recipes your boys love. Well, they, they don't want to be vegan. Nadia said she invested— here we go— she invested in teaching herself digital art. That's so cool. So Nadia, you'll have to tell me what, how you invested in that. You have to tell me that because that's really cool. I bought, I got an iPad and I got a little pen and I said I was gonna teach myself Procreate and learn some digital— I'm not wired for art at all. I would love to know what you're using. Brenda, you said a mirror hanging over the area with a camera shooting into the mirror get the top-down look you're looking for. A mirror hanging over the area with a camera shooting in it, huh? Okay, okay, all right. Oh, okay, Anne-Marie on YouTube, and then I'll— uh-oh, I grabbed the wrong comment. Okay, Annemarie, you said, can you talk about transitioning, how you do it right? Now, I don't know what part of transitioning you're talking about, but I actually have a friend named Verna who told me recently she has a death book. And when her mother was ill, her mother said, everything you need is in the death book. So, so Verna is like, I have a death book. And my mother didn't have a death book, but she did have everything organized. And I kind of sort of have one. And Bernadette, we're going to come on and talk about, because a big part of transitioning is being prepared, how you can create and what, you know, you may want to call it something else, but how you may want to create a death book so that you know that everything you need and everything your family needs is in one place. Because what makes transitioning hard is you're saying goodbye and then you have to figure stuff out. So, um, I will talk about, do you do Skillshare? Hey, Tiffany. My friend for 30 years. I have not ever used Skillshare. I bought a couple of courses on Udemy. I've heard it say Udemy, and I've heard people say Udemy. I don't know how you say it. But my favorite course for— my favorite place for learning, because I'm always learning geeky things, is Lynda.com. YouTube is free. Lynda.com is free to me because of my library. And then CreativeLive. But I mean, I've just I've never looked at Skillshare, but I have friends who love it. I have friends who love it. Okay, I'm gonna probably mispronounce your name, but Zuhie on Facebook said, I'm teaching myself how to play the violin on quarantine. Chrystal, do you play an instrument? I play the piano, and I have one boy who plays the piano, one boy who's teaching himself to play the piano. He also plays the guitar. One boy who plays the piano and who plays the drums. So I'm glad you enjoyed that talk, um, Adrienne Poindexter, on relationships. So y'all, Gary Thomas, if you missed it, it was episode 256. You can simply go on, uh, Apple, um, podcast, iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, Spotify. I put my podcasts as many places as I can. That one, difficulty in relationships, was gold. Okay, I'll take a couple more questions and then I'll jump off. Um, oh, there's a book. Denise Galloway is saying there's a book. Oh, I lost it. It's moving too fast. It was called The Exit Plan by somebody Galloway. No, no, no, I can't grab it. It keeps moving. Ah, but it's a book called The Exit Plan. In. There it is. Okay, The Exit Plan by Rhonda Green. There we go. The Exit Plan by Rhonda Green. And then somebody on here, you guys, um, Lissette is asking— she wants to teach herself piano. She wants to know if there are any good apps. So I do know that if you're on my email list and you when you're getting the resource page link, if you go to the resource page, Mandisa said she was teaching herself to play the piano. So under Mandisa's section, there's a link for the piano app she was using. I don't, I don't use an app because I learned how to play when I was younger and I just need to sit down and practice. So I'll have to research that some more. Gwendolyn Williams is asking me if it's possible to have a talk about finance. We'll see if we have time to do it again because we did it once. Actually, the very first live that we did was with a gal named Ty McNeely, um, and we talked budgets. But these talks are really bonus talks, and when they— when they— when we pull them down, they go to the Inner Circle because really this is stuff I try to do extra for Inner Circle people. But because we're all in need, I'm doing them live for everybody. So if you want to grab that, then you can check out the Inner Circle. But we will see if we have more room for financial chat at the end. Okay, one more question. Oh, y'all are giving such great— see, sometimes y'all just need to be here for the comments because y'all are life-giving in the comments. Okay, I'm gonna look for one more question and my computer is not cooperating, really. Oh, I need a new one. Okay, I'm not gonna go fishing because I can't, every time I scroll down it scrolls back up. Hi Carla, you'll tell my mom, your mom that you're, I'm practicing Carla's mom was my piano teacher. Okay, so Keisha, as a producer, do you get access to bonus content? Yes, you do. What you don't get access to is teaching and coaching. So between me and my friends who— so bonus content from podcasts is what you, what you typically get. And then because of quarantine, content content. We're giving quarantine content, but the people that are above that get extra. So like from our retreat, all the teachings from the retreat, we release those at the coaching level, but that's the one that's closed. It will open up back soon, but that's what— that's— that hopefully answers your question. I feel like I totally butchered the answer to that. All right. Get a new computer, Enabler. How to invest? Invest in the stock market. That would be a good one. Did y'all know I used to work at Fidelity and I was licensed to sell mutual funds and stocks? Roles in marriage. Y'all are giving me all the suggestions for what to talk about. I don't see any more questions, so maybe we'll just let that lie. Maybe we will let that— okay, how did you— oh, Heidi says, how did you learn to prep content for post and live videos? Well, that's the problem, Heidi. I don't. I don't. Okay, but I will say this, say this is for free. Y'all stayed on, so if we have some people drop off, this is for free. Monique is going to shoot me, because this— what I'm about to tell you is content that's in my speaking and writing course. I'm gonna give you the quick version because I can't help myself. Do I think I'll ever teach writing again? Yes, I will. Okay, so here's the quick thing. If you are always preparing, then you always are prepared. Um, Anne Lamott says in her book Bird by Bird, she refers to this process called stocking the pond. If you're always reading, if you're always taking notes from sermons, if you're always saving quotes and you have a system for saving them, then you always have things to pull on. So if I say today, I, I go with whatever is first. So let's say I'm teaching the Bible, so the Bible would be be first. So, let's just say Exodus chapter 20. Exodus chapter 20 would be what comes first, and as I read that, then I'm thinking, what other resources have I previously prepared that will help me explain this, support this, show this, share this? Then I go to my notes that are organized, and I find any place I've ever studied on Exodus, or I search for Exodus, or I'm looking in my Bible for Exodus, or in books that have to do with the people that were in Exodus. And I look for the notes I've already took. So then I add that to what I'm going to say, and then I say what has been happening currently in my life that is a story that supports this. And so I'm constantly grabbing from work that I've already done. So when I wake up in the morning, I always say opening and closing with story is the best way to hook people and grab people. And then if you can give them 3 things to hang their hat on— pegs are things to hang their hat on— when you do this, then you make it easy for your audience to, to remember. So when I come, I always come with what are the 3 things that I want to say, what story should be attached, and where can I go to grab more beef, more support for that story. It's like writing a research paper. I told my boys, y'all writing a research paper and you are here killing yourselves doing the research while you write the paper. Why you— while you write the paper? That's not how you write a research paper. You go and you do your homework So then when it's time to write, then you just pull from the things you've already studied. So if you are an ongoing learner, then you always will have something to say. Prep just means you go diving into the pond that you've already stocked. So because I've been listening to Tony Evans teach, I know how to give an illustration. I know how to make 3 points. I know how to use alliteration. So that part, I probably would say I've been in class for 40 years, but anybody can learn that. But I don't sit here and study for my talks. I think about them probably 15 minutes before I get on, do a quick collection of things, stories, quotes, whatever that I have, if I'm going to even do that, and then I talk. Okay, that's all I got for today. Save your questions for another one, another live, and I will see see you tomorrow. Y'all have a great day. Oh, and look forward to your emails because online registration for a fabulous online event is coming your way. Bye.