Chrystal Hurst advises on ending a friendship with a manipulative, passive-aggressive person. Call out the behavior clearly with specific examples, stay kind but firm, and set boundaries especially with family. Use Maya Angelou's principle: when people tell you who they are, believe them.
Hi there, it's Chrystal Hurst and it's another Ask Me Anything. Jacqueline wants to know, how do you end a relationship with a friend who is manipulative and passive-aggressive? So first of all, what does the Bible say about people who are not kind to you? Proverbs 25:21-23 says that if somebody's basically mean to you, be kind to them anyway. Not only in doing so will you heap coals on their their head. It'll just infuriate them. It will also mean that you're setting yourself up to be rewarded by God because he sees that you're treating one of his other children in the way that you should treat them regardless of how they're treating you. So don't let their behavior mean you do the wrong thing too. The second thing I want to say is that someone who's passive-aggressive usually does not want you to call out their behavior. It's almost like, if I don't go all out, then they can't nail me down and tell me or other people that I'm actually doing what I'm doing. Call it Tell them it's not okay. Tell them exactly what they're doing. Give them examples. Do it in kindness, but say to them, "This is why this hurts. This is why this is mean. This is why this is inappropriate, and I wanted you to know that it's not okay and that I'm not gonna accept that." It's okay for you to say that in kindness, but the third thing is, as much as it is possible for you, create some distance. There's only so long that you need to allow somebody to tell you over and over again who they are. And as Maya Angelou said, "When people tell you who they are, believe them." That said, sometimes you can't run away from people. They're family, but that doesn't mean they have to be at your house every weekend. That doesn't mean that your kids have to be together every time there's a holiday. What if you set up some boundaries and just communicated to them, calling out what's not okay? So, since this time this seems to be an issue, maybe this time we'll do this holiday this way. It's okay for you to call it out and set some boundaries while you're also being kind. Do you have a question? Go to ChrystalEvansHurst.com/AskMeAnything.
