Navigating New Seasons - Coffee with Nicki #alittleQC

Okay, good morning everybody, good morning. All right, and y'all know I'm playing producer, which means I always have to figure out how to do stuff because every time I come on I do something new. All right, yay! Okay, good morning. Thanks Instagram for being patient. Now I have to turn off the music. I mean, you know, it's all the things, sound effects. Let me fade it out. Look at that. Good morning, y'all. So if you're on Facebook and YouTube, you see me playing with music and countdown timers and all the things. So thanks for your patience while I try to, you know, be somebody, because I like doing things. Okay, y'all, so this morning, if you're live with me and you don't know who I am because you just happen to open up Facebook, YouTube, Periscope, or Instagram and you're like, what? My name is Chrystal Evans Hurst, and I've been going live almost every day. I say almost every day because there was a minute where I was like, I'm gonna try not to go live every day. And then I was like, I don't like that. I think I'm gonna just keep doing it. And so yes, I know the music is still on. I was trying to like fade it out and like have intro. That was me trying to do something. Thank you. I'm still trying to fade it out. I was trying to not have it just go off like that. But anyway, but now let me just turn it off. How about that? So anyway, y'all, so I'm here just trying to give you a little QC, a little quarantine content, so that you can exercise some quality control in your everyday life. Because y'all, in the middle of the chaos, we still have to live. I want to tell you first and foremost, if you've been watching these, you know what I'm about to say. You could probably give the spiel for me. There's nothing else you do after listening to today's or watching today's live, then, then be sure and subscribe to my email list. Why? Because the whole time we're having conversations, anything, anything that we talk about that is awesome and you want to reference later and you want to write down, don't stress because we're taking notes. I've got a great team of interns and I believe Marissa is on note-taking duty and we put all of the notes in resources. We have a resources page, and we email out a link to that page at least once a week, maybe twice. Um, so that way you don't miss anything. You won't miss anything. And the only way that I can send you that information is if you're on my email list, and that would be at chrystalhurtz.com. The other thing I want to let you know about is that these interviews are available all week long. This is what I like to call bonus content, something I do all the time for Inner Circle members. And so if you're interested in learning more about what the Inner Circle is and what it is about, you can go to chrystalevanshurst.com/innercircle. And what basically, um, at the end of this week on Sunday night, this coming week, coming weekend, um, this will be available all week, and then that's where it will go, the Inner Circle Library, where it's final resting place. So if you want all the time access to these interviews, check that out. The other thing that I want to tell you about is the Facebook group. If you're on Facebook and would like to kind of have a place to discuss what's currently happening and to let other women in the Sister Circle. What is the Sister Circle? You know what, we all have one, whether it's the group we run with, uh, the PTA moms, our neighbors, the women we work with, the women we write with. Nikki is a part of my Sister Circle in that regard. Um, then you have a Sister Circle, women you have a small group with. And we just brought a little bit of that online so that, because I'm not the only smart person at all, I have lots of friends who are smart too, and so are you. So when we get together in that space, we get to help each other. You can find more about that group by going to chrystalhurtz.com/facebookgroup. Okay, so with all of that out of the way, I want to go ahead and bring Nikki on screen for those of y'all who can't see her. Nikki, they're telling me on Instagram that you're blurry, but is that part of your cracked screen situation?

I think it is. I'm so sorry, guys. It's not easy to get your cracked screen fixed. During a pandemic. So I know it's blurry, guys.

I know, I know, but you can hear her, so that'll be good. And if it's driving you crazy, you can jump over to Facebook or YouTube or Periscope. Any of those will work.

The weird thing is it doesn't look super blurry from my end. Does it look blurry from your end?

Well, then maybe it's a connection thing. Is your connection good where you are?

Okay, I think so.

Well, who knows, who knows, and maybe it'll clear up.

Okay.

So I just want to give a few shoutouts. We've got people watching from Jamaica and Florida and Maryland. Um, Nikki, we've got people from Ohio, of course from Dallas. Uh, Canada is another cool place. Um, there's always been somebody every morning watching from New Zealand, if you can believe that. That's kind of fun.

Wow.

So Perlette from Canada, I see you watching. We've got Mississippi in the house, North Carolina. So much fun. Charlotte, of course, because your peeps are in Charlotte. That's right.

Hello to my peeps.

Y'all listen, we know you are really, I was going to say all over the country, but all over the world, which is really cool. Hi, Vicky from the Dominican Republic. Y'all, y'all heard me talk about Vicky if you've listened to me for any stretch of time, because Vicky is a wise woman with a million kids who's helped me do a million different things. Okay, so Nikki, some people may know about you because you've been on my podcast a couple times, and then I've talked about you a lot. We've talked about your book. I mean, you know, you've been around. But, oh, we've got somebody on Instagram that says they're watching from Japan. How cool is that?

Um, hey, random fact, I used to live in Japan.

Uh-uh, for what? What were you there for?

So my dad was a teacher for the government, And so we lived in Iwakuni, Japan for, I think it was 3 years.

Really?

Yep.

That's pretty impressive. Did you like it?

Well, it's not that impressive.

I mean, to me it is. Somebody said Nikki, try wiping your camera lens.

I did, y'all. It's because it's cracked. I'm so sorry. I feel horrible right now.

Okay, so, so, but to me that's cool. Living in Japan is cool.

It was cool. Yes, we'll just say it was cool. But you know, I was a teenager and all I wanted to do was be in America and go to shopping malls.

Yeah, that's all I wanted. And be with friends. You weren't interested in being in Japan? No. And now you have people like me saying, that was so cool.

It was cool. I look back on it now and I'm like, I had a pretty cool upbringing for sure.

I was in Japan once for a couple of weeks. My husband, you know, he worked for Kirk Franklin for a long time, and, um, basically we went overseas for, for a trip. Kirk was doing concerts in Japan, and I was a little— okay, so when my husband and I first got married, you know, I was single for 10 years, and he's a very— let's say he's a very protective type of guy, but he was working. So he would take me to all these places and want me to like stay in the room and like be still and not be adventurous because he wanted to like be with me and like take care of me. And I was thinking, you do know I used to do all this stuff by myself, right? Like, that was what I was thinking. So we actually got in this big fight one time because I went to a restaurant 2 blocks away and he was like, why didn't you wait on me? I was like, because I was hungry. I was hungry and I said, and it was 2 blocks away. So this is the backdrop for my trip to Japan. So by the time we got to Japan, he was just, he had just given up. He was like, she's gonna do what she wants to do. She's hard-headed. So my oldest daughter was with us and I was like, we're in Japan, so we're gonna go exploring. And I'm pretty good with directions. So I was like, you know, girl, we wandered off into no man's land. And I just remember thinking, you know, we were looking at temples and walking in neighborhoods and because I didn't want to be with the, like, the shopping malls. I wanted to go to where people lived. And so I remember thinking when I was trying to get back, because we had walked kind of far, I remember thinking, nobody speaks English here. Nobody. Like, they could care less about the English language. And I was thinking, yeah, you know, if I get lost— and, you know, Japan, the crime rate isn't horrible, it's not bad— but I was like, if I run into that one mass murderer I would have no way to communicate at all, like at all. And then I started thinking, you know, and I had my daughter with me, she was like 10. And I was thinking, you know, I might should have waited for my husband. I was like, I'm out here by myself in temples and things.

Yeah.

But we got some cool pictures.

Yeah. In Japan, they don't speak English at all. Like most European countries, you can typically find somebody who speaks pretty good English. But no, Japan, nope.

No, they're like, we— yeah, we, we are over here. Y'all learn— y'all learn Japanese.

Yeah, yeah, you come to us.

You come to us. Exactly, exactly. Okay, so yeah, y'all, Nikki, I wanted to talk to you— well, I'll tell you what I want to talk to you about in just a minute. First of all, how is this pandemic situation affecting you, your house, your life? How is it hitting you? What's been good? What's been not so good?

Yeah, good question. So, uh, the first couple of weeks were the hardest for me because much like you, everything got canceled. All of the plans, travel arrangements had to be like halted. Uh, we also had an exchange student living with us and she was from Germany and that was very stressful, um, thinking about our country and her country shutting down. And trying to get her back home. So the first couple of weeks were really, really rough for me. And then like week 3, I kind of like adjusted and got used to it. But now Chrystal Hurst, I'm having a hard time. Like I, and I'm just gonna confess to everybody, I'm not at home today. I'm actually up in the mountains. A friend of mine let me use her cabin for the week because I'm on a book deadline, like writing a book.

When is your book due?

June 1st.

Okay, so I might need to be in the mountains with you.

Come on, when's your book due?

July something.

Oh yeah, you might need to come up here. So it's been hard. Okay, the good sides of it, like, we've gotten so many projects done. We live on a farm, for those of you that don't know, and we've had this long list of like little things that needed to get done that my husband is like knocking them out left and right. That's been amazing. We also had a car breakdown and a refrigerator die during this. And my phone broke. So now being like stuff that feels very like you should just be able to go to the store and buy a refrigerator, right? No, they're all sold out and on backorder.

And why are refrigerators sold out? I don't know.

I guess people thought that was an essential item they needed to have.

I mean, I'm serious. I don't understand that.

I know, it's— we're on day 22 of waiting for this refrigerator to be delivered.

Oh my word.

So you would laugh at the way my refrigerator is because nothing can be in the back, uh, because it's not working in the back. The front part is still working, so we have to put everything that we don't want to get ruined in the front. But then the freezer, the ice cream is turning to mush. It's a situation. It's It's just, it's a mess.

I cannot believe the refrigerators are sold out everywhere. I'm just, I'm— that's, that's shocking to me. So, okay, so it's hard now because you, you settled into it, it was getting good, and then what has made it— is it the book being due? Like, what is it that's made it hard, harder?

Um, so honestly, 3 teenagers has, has made it a little difficult. Um, They are, they're good girls. I want to start off by saying that I'm very blessed. They are great character-developed girls, but they are sisters. And Chrystal, I didn't have a sister growing up, so maybe you can identify with this more than I can.

Yep, I can.

One second we're like the best of friends doing hair, makeup, and then the next minute it's like World War III has broken out and We're yelling and we're screaming and we're saying things that should not be said. It's just been, it's been a lot.

Well, I will tell you, I mean, listen, and then we've got so many people in the chat, they're telling you why you can't get a refrigerator. They're saying the parts come from China. Somebody else is saying they're not— it's not that they're stockpiling the refrigerators, but they're buying more food and need somewhere to put it. Yeah, so that's, that's a thing. So all the, all the reasons why. But yes to girls and the reality of girls in the house. Um, on Thursday—

advice for me about this?

Well, I mean, I don't know if it would be helpful. Okay, so I—

what did y'all do when y'all would fight?

Okay, so I don't know. What did they do when we would fight? I think my dad was just like, get it together. I don't know that there was like this kumbaya moment. I think it was just like— I mean, I will say that, you know, Priscilla, I was not a great sister. I mean, I don't know that either one of us were, but I for sure was not a— was not— I was mean. I didn't want her touching my stuff. I want— I didn't want her to be around me, be around my friends, like all that. Um, but I will say that like when with— as a mother with my girls, I just told them what they had to do in my house. I just said, you, you like— and, and Karris was me. She was mean. Um, but Jessica was mean on the down low, so she would do little things and then— but not when we weren't looking. Yeah, very passive-aggressive, very passive-aggressive. So my thing was, when I would catch that stuff, I would have them do what I felt they needed to do whether or not they wanted to do it, meaning they would be forced to apologize. Like, I made them do things together. So there's this principle called tomato staking. Have you ever heard about this with raising kids?

No, tell me.

Okay, so tomato staking. You're, you're a farmer-ish. We're going to talk about that in a minute. But y'all, she wasn't raised in farming, okay? So, um, but it's this— when you're growing things, you know, tomato plant can get heavy and kind of lean over to the right, and in order to— to— or the left. And in order to make sure that it stays up and that the tomatoes, as they grow heavier, don't fall to the ground, you, you stake the tomato um, the, the stock of the tomato to like sticks that you put into the ground. Like, if you've ever seen a garden, you've seen people like tie vines and things. Okay, it's this idea with children that there are certain things that your children will only learn if they're tomato-staked to you. Meaning like, if there's a kid who's acting out, smaller child, then you put them with you. They just need to be with you all day, you know. And so for a teenager, that's miserable. They don't want to be staked to anybody. You or a sibling or anything. So I would tomato stake the girls together, meaning that instead of giving one kitchen duty, they both had kitchen duty, you know, instead of— so they would have to do certain things at the same time. So it would force them. And of course, neither one of them want to clean the kitchen, but they both not wanting to together. So I have video of the girls, like, I let them turn on their music. They would take turns, listen to the music that they each wanted to listen to. So I have videos of them hating each other's guts, but in the kitchen, they'd be singing out loud and dancing together. So that still gave them like moments of shared experience. Even when they really didn't like each other very much, they shared a room because I didn't care. I didn't care that they wanted, you know, and then when they were having issues, I'd say, well, that teaches me y'all need some time together to appreciate the other person. You know, so that's, it's, that's the concept.

No cozy arse, girls. We're about to tomato steak in our house.

Now, I mean, that said, I think that, you know, I, you have to recognize that teenagers in general, you know, they just, they need space to be who they are and all the things, and they get irritated when somebody's in their space. So we also gave them space, you know, and tried to teach them to honor the other.

And I think, I think also in this season, I mean, obviously I've been extra extra graceful because, yeah, you know, my middle daughter, her prom is gone.

Yep.

Um, she's stressed about AP tests, exams, things like that. She's not getting to take the SAT, ACT.

I know, that all got canceled.

I know, it's so crazy. And so, you know, we're trying to be gracious with that. And then, you know, we give our girls a lot of freedom. Um, I mean, they have to communicate with us where they're going, things like that, but we're not super like helicopter parents, and we've had to be, you know, for the last couple weeks. I will confess that I've kind of eased up a little bit this last week.

You were like, I don't care what you do, just leave me alone.

Maybe a little bit, maybe a little bit. Um, but I mean, like, we're not having like parties at our house and things like that, but we're, we're letting them, you know, go to Target if they need to go get something and, you know, things like that, because It was getting, it was getting very unhealthy in our house. And we're still using all the precautions, washing hands, 6 feet social distancing. Of course we're following all the guidelines that have been put before us. But yeah, it's been, it has been rough. And everybody keeps saying, they're like, oh, but you live on a farm. Like you're so, like you guys have so much space. And I mean, it's just, it's not like what you would think. In your head. Also, I can't walk outside and talk to a neighbor because there's nobody within, you know, 10 miles of us.

Are you serious?

Well, okay, 10 miles is an exaggeration. It's about a mile down the road before you see another house. Yeah.

Okay. I was gonna say, ooh, you for real by yourself? I'm so sorry.

Yeah, but it's bad, like the isolation for sure.

The isolation is a thing. Okay. So, so really it's the family dynamics. Is that the main reason why you're like, oh my gosh, this has got to come to an end?

Yes. And like, you know, can we just talk about how easy it is to slip into comparison right now as everyone's posting these lovely pictures of their families all eating dinner outside at this beautiful table that has been set? And like, my family's sitting at the table, we're not speaking to each other because we're so sick of each other. Oh, well, listen, even get one word out.

No, I, I get it. I'm just like, I mean, we, we have been sitting down to the table. Well, let me say this, they have been sitting down to the table because I just want to feed them, and then while they're eating, I want to clean up. I don't want, I don't want to, or at least, you know, get that process started. And so I haven't been—

I got a question for you.

Yes.

I don't remember which one of your sons it was, but did he finally get his wings that he wanted?

Girl, we've had Wingstop twice since then. We finally, we finally got wings. But let me tell you what I did first though. Let me tell you what I did first. Okay, I, I, okay, so I'm on this thing right now with cooking because I can cook, but I'm trying to— I was, I was like, let me cook some of the things either that I haven't cooked in a while or things they like to eat that I don't normally make. So I hadn't fried— you know, my husband is a fried chicken junkie. I hadn't fried chicken probably about 3 times in 20 years of marriage. So I bought a vat of oil and I've been trying wings. I've tried oven fried wings, fried fried wings, baked wings, wings on the grill. And so after all of that, girl, I was like, Joel— so don't— that's the one that— that's the baby who wanted the— I said, Joel, Yeah, I said, aren't— don't you, don't you like Mommy's wings? And he said, yeah, they're good. He said, but can we still have Wingstop? So I just gave up. I just gave up. I just gave up.

I was like, get that boy some wings. Like, he just needed his wings. That's what he needed.

So, so we, so we've had them twice, but, but we have been having fun you know, trying new things. And the boys, man, they've been cleaning, girl, cleaning. I had Trey, the oldest one, mop the floor last night. He said, again? I said, you've eaten again a few more times since the last time we mopped, so yes, again. Yeah, so we've been having fun.

Yeah, I'm gonna have a new thing. Yes, you inspired me to try something new.

What did you do?

You and your, your kale chips. That you were making.

Yes, yes, yes.

So I made them. Number one, they make your house smell real bad. You didn't warn us about that.

I think I was burning candles. I didn't notice.

It smelled like, I mean, it was like—

It's like cooking broccoli. Broccoli doesn't smell good either.

Yeah, maybe even worse than broccoli. But we were very surprised at how much we liked them, and my girls like them, and I can't get them to eat anything healthy. Like, they'll eat a salad, but that's about it. So yeah, thank you for a new recipe to have in my house for good healthy snacks.

Well, yes, but they did taste good and I have gotten some tips since then about how to make sure they come out good. Number one is, while we're talking about tips, Heather Johnson says the only, the best way to fix wings is in the air fryer. So I'll put that up for y'all to see. But, but so the kale, you know, I had two bunches of kale and I just threw them onto a pan, you know, just, you know, trying to consolidate. So I said you have to spread them out. They need to be on one layer because if the— basically, if the, if the hot air can't get to them individually, then it just makes the— it makes the water come out of the leaves because, you know, they have a high water content and then they just steam each other. So that's why the ones on the edge get dry and the ones in the middle are wet. You have to have them like where there's enough air so that— lay them as flat as possible. Of course, make sure they're dry, but lay them as flat as possible. But the boys, I mean, they, they loved them. We just, you know, the wet ones I had to eat because then that felt like too much like spinach. They didn't want that. They wanted to feel like it was chips. It's all mental. So anyway, so yes to the kale chips.

So do you put the olive oil on or do you not do that?

Okay, I did, but I do think they could stand less. So the recipe that I used called for 1 tablespoon of olive oil, I think. Per bunch. So I— and I didn't use 2, I only use 1, and I still feel like it could have done less. So I would say maybe no more than half a tablespoon for a bunch of kale, and maybe even less. I've heard of people not using it really at all. So I think you just have to experiment. And then I've heard people say— because listen, after I said that, I got— my DMs just blew up. So I had people say cook them longer, you know, at 300 degrees. I heard people say cook them higher, but just make sure they're spread out. I mean, then out came all the seasoning suggestions. Salt and pepper is great, but man, add some cayenne, some lemon pepper. I mean, just— I think it's one of those things where you, you learn how to make them the way you like them, you know?

Yeah, yeah. I heard several people suggest, um, doing vinegar. They taste like salt and vinegar chips. Do you like vinegar chips?

I don't, I don't know because I only buy barbecue. Or jalapeño.

I don't—

I mean, I'm sure I have, I just don't remember because that's not what I buy.

Well, I'll try it and I'll tell you.

Yes, try and tell me. Okay, so, so let's talk about you farming because I want people to understand why you're a farmer's wife. Because, because when I talk to you, y'all, Vicki— Vicki— Nikki and I are in— we're in it One mastermind or two? We're in Voxer on a book writers thing, but we both podcast, so we talk about that. We both love technology. We both love all the geeky things. We both have courses. We both have— I mean, we do what we love talking. I mean, Nikki is my marketing, helped me with the COVID of my book, you know, what's happening in publishing land. Like, we, we, we chat a lot about a lot of different things.

You're my, my saving grace in the midst of it.

Girl, you are mine too. You, you are mine too. Um, she's been on the Sister Circle Show, so we'll reference that in the next— so she's been around. But when I talk to Nikki, farmer's wife is not what I— I remember that because I follow you on Instagram. I don't— yeah, there's nothing about our conversation. I'm sure you have a conversation with other people, but you're like my marketing friend. So yeah, how in the world— why are you— why are y'all farming? What happened?

Well, first of all, I've kind of realized in the past couple of weeks that I have different friend groups, and I never intended for this to happen, but like, I wouldn't call you and ask you something about my chickens.

Even though I was totally intrigued, which I'm gonna ask you about that in a minute.

I know. Okay. Yeah. So, um, but yeah, you gotta have different friends in different circles to know who to connect to. But I would say, Chrystal, you're like, you're one of like, when I think about you, I'm like, if I could hang out with Chrystal every single day, I totally would. If I lived in Dallas, I would be at your house breaking the rules for sure during quarantine.

Yes.

So yeah, 6, actually Chrystal, it's this summer is 6 years ago. We purchased a small fixer-upper farm. It's about 12 acres and we've been in the process of restoring it back to life. And I have the best news for you just this year. Okay. This is a lesson for people who need to like understand how long it really takes to get things going. Just a couple last week, we made our first profit. Profit off this farm. We sold 3 cows, and it was an exciting but also sad day. And so we finally have generated a little bit of income. Now, it's not profit yet because we've spent way more, um, than we're making, but it was so encouraging. I was like, we did it! We're like real farmers now because we have like sold something that somebody wanted.

Okay, I don't understand that. You have to explain this for the people. How do you make a living if it's been 6 years since you've turned a profit? How does that math work?

Well, this is not our full-time job. In fact, one of the things that surprised me is that I would say 90% of the farmers that I know are not full-time farmers. Like, this is like their side hustle. Yeah. Um, it's just, you can't— unless you have hundreds and hundreds of acres, it's really hard to make a full-time living off of it. Um, some people do, like for sure, but they, you know, are selling fruits and vegetables all year round and eggs and meat and things like that. But we don't really have the capacity to do all of that. Um, so we started with cows and we raised, uh, 3 of them. Um, and they're okay. So I have my cows, Nikki's cows, and then Chris has his cows. Nikki's cows are not sold cows, okay?

They're like look-at cows, they're Instagram cows. Is that what they are?

They're— yes, they're our friends, so we're not selling them. But Chris's cows can go.

Um, but here's the question: can you eat Nikki's cows eventually?

I mean, the Queen of England eats Nikki's cows, but I don't know that I could ever eat a Highland cow after being friends with it, like being friends with—

okay, so, so, so Okay, so, so what is, what is, I know you're a writer, speaker, author, course creator, all the things. What is Chris's full-time gig?

He's an electrical contractor, so he has his own company.

Okay.

And he, um, his kind of his specialty is he does a lot for the larger churches in Charlotte. Um, he's able to provide them excellent lighting and everything like that for a very discounted price. That's like It's kind of like his ministry. Okay, um, so that's his main gig, is that.

Okay, that, that helps because I'm just like, how do you— sick. Okay, now here's what I want to ask you about the chickens. Okay, and then, and then, and then we're going to turn a corner because y'all, what I, what I want to talk to Nikki about is navigating new seasons. Because I think for all of us, this is a new season, and I actually think you're an expert at it. I mean, what I love watching about you is that basically your whole life is trying new things. It's not like are we just going to try this technology today? Which is, you know, my, my thing. You're like, I'm trying chickens and I'm trying cows and I'm trying, you know, I mean, and then, you know, learning because of hardship, you know, the loss of your mom, the loss of your brother recently. I mean, new seasons is just— you, you live there. Everything is always, I'm learning how to do this, I'm learning how to do this. Okay, so chickens though, okay, they were— they're cute when you got them out of the little thing. They're cute. Okay, and in a previous time, I thought I wanted chickens because I actually would go— so y'all, when I— when you homeschool, you get introduced— not all the time, but I got introduced to a lot of things I didn't know. I didn't know people in the city did. And so one of those things was the— we would meet up for meat that came straight from the farmer, raw milk. Yes, that's still a thing. And then, um, eggs, like eggs that came straight. So then when I wasn't doing that anymore, I, I lived kind of outside the city limits and I found a neighbor who had chickens. And I said, one day I'm gonna get me some chickens. That's what I said. And then a friend of mine said, you don't want to do that because chickens are nasty. So I, I— so, so is this your first time with chickens?

Yes. So I was not sure that I wanted chickens at all because they are, they're a lot of work, I'm not gonna lie. Um, but I found— okay, because you know I can't just have normal chickens.

You just—

we gotta have something bougie on the Fixer Upper farm. So there's these chickens called Silkies.

I've heard of Silkies. I've heard on them.

Okay, they've got these big old like feathers on their head. They're just— they're just hysterical looking. Like, I saw them and I was like, I need those. Like, that's how I feel about animals sometimes. And so We found, um, a breeder that had a very good reputation. You got to make sure you get your stuff from good people. I've learned that.

Yeah, and that's any kind of animal. You want to, you want to know if you can. You want to know the breeder if you can.

Yeah, yeah. So we found the chickens, but then we were like, okay, we need a coop. And so my husband— did he build it? No. So we found— we had this old shed on our property, and he transformed it into this beautiful chicken coop. Like, I mean, it's like a chicken coop mansion. Like, these chickens are living it up on the Fix River Farm right now. Uh, they have more square footage than a chicken is supposed to have. And like, it's amazing that he did.

Okay. But they're still babies.

They are. They're only about 5 weeks old.

And did you buy them for processing or for egg laying or both?

Both. No, no, no, no. Not, not processing. I'm sorry. No, just egg laying, but also we would love to sell chicks and we believe we have one rooster, so it is possible, but that's going to be a whole nother learning. Like, I'm going to have to learn how to incubate and all that. The good thing is we have a very wise girl. Her name is Amber. She's our horse trainer and she really is like my farm. Like, she's a real—

she has the— she has the know-how.

Yes, she grew up on a farm. She speaks so country. Sometimes I have to ask her to repeat herself. Like, she is thick in the farm world out here. And she's so smart. She knows everything. So she's helped me a lot understand, like, what to do. And so the other day she was over giving a lesson to Kennedy, our youngest daughter. And I was like, come out to this chicken coop and make sure I've got all this right. And she laughs at me so hard. Um, but it's been fun, but we did have one, one not so great thing happen last week. Um, I won't go into the details because it's a little traumatic and people may not want to hear about it. We did tragically lose one of our chicks.

Oh, that means a bobcat got it or something like that. Oh, it's worse than that.

Something like that.

Okay. Okay. So, okay. So, so So here's the question. I will— I'm just going to put it out there. I'm telling you now, when the eggs start hatching and laying and collecting and all that, then you can tell me if chickens is something I want to do.

Okay. Oh, it is something you want to do. I already know that.

But I heard it's nasty. What about the part about it being nasty?

About cleaning? But you've got 3 boys.

Listen, girl, because I was like, y'all cleaning y'all's own bathroom. I'm not doing that. Y'all, this all this nonsense, y'all are doing that.

Yeah. Yeah, because yeah, you're right, kind of yucky.

You're right, you're right, they are yucky. They're lovely and yucky all at the same time. Okay, so now, yeah, this is your husband's dream. Is this Fixer Upper Farm your husband's dream, or is it your both of them?

It's my dream.

This is your dream.

I mean, it's definitely Yes, this was a— I mean, it started off as like Nikki's one day, someday, I'd love to do this kind of thing. Okay. Um, but then he jumped right into it and he loves this life. I mean, he is out there all— I mean, he'll like— the farm will keep us young forever. There's always something to do. We're never just sitting around going, hmm, what should we do today? Like, it keeps us on our toes. It is stressful at times. Like, uh, there's times, you know, in the winter when the pipes freeze and you've got animals to get water to and It rains and it's muddy and for sure. And then shot season is a whole situation in itself, trying to get the cows their shots. Um, but we're learning, like you said, every day we're learning something new and we love it.

Okay. So talk to me about, for the person who, whether it's getting chicks, creating a, you know, starting a farm or trying to be an author or taking care of a parent. Or, um, coming to the rescue of a brother, or, um, parenting teens, being home with their children for the first time. What do you think somebody who is thinking this— I'm trying to navigate this new season, and man, I— this is more than what I bargained for. Uh, I may not have known what I was getting into. This is not fair. I want to pull my hair out. Uh, man, this is more expensive. Can I do this? Because I'm sure in every single one of you new seasons, there have been some, um, collection of those questions that have come into your head. Like, are you for real? I cannot believe this is not going the way I planned. What do you think are mindsets that the woman can have who is navigating a new season that she chose or didn't choose? Because you've had a mixture of both. Um, what mindset do you think is helpful to that woman who has to right now, for one reason or another, navigate a new season?

Yeah, well, I want to acknowledge that, Chrystal, I've learned so much from you, um, because you, for goodness, it feels like 3 years now have walked through so many situations that have just felt unfair and wrong and like, what are you doing, God, right? And I think first of all, like, I love the way that you have taught me to like acknowledge the way that I feel. Like it is okay to be in a season that doesn't feel fair or right and go, God, what are you doing right now? And I know you experienced this as well with the loss of your mom and Winter. And, you know, you guys have had so many losses in the last couple years. But one of the things I think people try to do in a season like that is explain God away. And so one of the things that, like, I frequently— because, you know, you walked with me through that whole season and we believed it for your mom too. We were believing for total healing for our moms. Both of them were too young to be going into eternity.

Be.

And according to us, according to us. So, um, yeah, one of the things like I felt like was really hard was when people said after she died was like, oh well, God did heal her, just not the way that you wanted.

Don't nobody want to hear that.

No, take notes. I mean, you don't want to hear that.

I know it, I know it. I, if somebody's been with Jesus long enough, they know that. But right And I hope I'm not making anybody feel bad who told me that. I'm just saying, at the moment of loss, that's actually not consoling because that's not what I wanted.

No, no, it's not what we believed for. And when you're in that season right there, you're dealing with a lot of doubt about God. It doesn't mean you don't believe in God. It doesn't mean like you turned your back on God. Like, and I think in a church we don't give ourselves enough permission to walk through seasons and go, yeah, this doesn't make any sense. And so I've learned to stop trying to explain God away. But one of the things that I have really been asking myself in this season is instead of saying, "God, why did you allow this to happen?" is I've been saying things like, "God, what is it that I need to learn through this season?" What is it? Like, I'm big, like my podcast is called "Lessons from the Farm," and I'm all about the lessons that the good and the bad and the ugly and the messy and the beautiful, everything teaches us something. Something.

That's right.

So you've got to be willing to walk through things and be teachable through it and not just feel like, you know, you've got this answer. Um, so I think those things, but I mean, you know, then the fun side of, you know, change and different, like if you're gonna, you know, go buy a farm, um, it's just giving yourself grace for the process. Um, because it does take, it's always going to take longer than you ever thought it was going to take. Way more money than you thought it was gonna cost. And it's not gonna really look like what you had quote unquote dreamed it was gonna be like, it's gonna be different. And so different is okay.

So in the moment where, what does it look like for you to give grace to yourself? Like we can say that, but in the moment where you're frustrated, like what is your self-talk? Like what is the last thing you remember being frustrated about that was new for you? And what, what, what, what were you saying, uh, internally or even externally to yourself to just talk yourself down off of a cliff?

Yeah. So I have had to be careful to not think about the grace card as a get out of jail card. Okay. So, and I think sometimes we, uh, tend to lean towards this, especially in this season. And Chrystal Hurst, this is another reason why I love you so much. Is like, you and Charis posted something the other day about like, this is not the season to be like chilling out watching Netflix all day. Like, this is a season to like maximize. And yes, we have stress and fears and everything else, but we've got to keep moving forward. Otherwise, at the end of this, we're just going to be 19 pounds heavier. Listen, have accomplished nothing.

The quarantine 15, I'm hearing everybody talk about it. I'm hearing everybody talk about it. I'm trying my best just to hold. I just want to hold.

It's a real thing. So grace is not an excuse card. Okay. That's not what it is. It's not like, well, I just don't feel good today, so I'm just going to sit down and eat this bag of cookies. Yeah, but I've done that before.

I've done that before as well.

So it's waking up the next day and going, yesterday was this way, but today is going to be different because it is okay to not always be okay. It's okay to have a bad day. But it's not okay to never not be okay. And so eventually we do have to get back up and get back out there and just make the right— the next right best decision for our lives.

Yeah. So I have my little bracelet on. I got— let me see if I can— y'all can see it. It says, "You are okay." I had these bracelets made.

I love that.

It was when She's Still There came out, and I literally had forgotten about it. I found— I was cleaning out my car and found one A friend of mine, she lives a couple of streets over, she just lost her dad. And I was texting her and just saying, hey, what, you know, I'm here. I just want you to know I'm here. I'm here and I love you. And I said, you know, I'm just so sorry. And she texted me back a picture of this. And she said, I need you to know that something you said to me 3 years ago is helping me right now. I just keep looking down at my wrist and saying, you're going to be okay. You're going to be okay. You're going to be okay. And I think sometimes it's that simple. It's just saying, yes, it's hard. Yes, this sucks. Yes, I'm angry. Yes, I'm frustrated. Yes, I'm hurt. But you know what? You're going to be okay. You're going to be okay. That's right. You're going to be okay.

Yeah. It's not okay today, but it will be okay.

It will be okay. You are— do you tend to be an adventurous person, like a lover of trying new things, of learning new things?

Literally every day I wake up and go, what can be different today?

Okay, so is there anybody in your life who's not like that?

My husband.

Okay, what is it?

He could eat the same thing every single day, go on the same vacation every single year, wear the same clothes. Like, he the one on the Enneagram, and I'm I'm either a 7'6" or a 6'7". I can't decide. Quarantine has made me feel like I'm definitely a 7 because this season has like suffocated me. Um, you really have to get creative about finding fun things, um, in this season. So yeah, he is definitely my struggle.

Okay. So how is that for you when you are, cause there are people in here like, I'm trying to live, I'm trying to live, I'm trying to live my best life. And the people in my life, whether that's a roommate, a friend, a mother, a child, a spouse, whatever, they're not letting me. Like, I'm trying to run and they're like, no, let's slow down and enjoy the scenery. So in your marriage, when you're the— when you're the let's do something new and your spouse is like, but I liked it the way it was yesterday, like, how have you been able to navigate your desire to move forward in certain things and his desire to just appreciate the way things are?

Yeah, that's a very— that's a tension in our marriage all the time. I'm guessing it's that way in your house too. Are you the adult?

Who?

Who?

You, girl. Yes, Jesse Hurst is like, why? Why do we ever need to move?

Why?

Why do we ever need to do anything different? Why? Well, I'm like, because. And I, you know, well, I'm gonna let you answer, then I'm gonna tell everybody what I do. Go ahead. What do you do? Okay.

So I have to recognize that sometimes my lack of contentment in life is obnoxious. And so I have to like, I have to rein it back in sometimes, okay? And so there is this place where like Chris sometimes needs to be pushed though, right? Like I'm always like, we can do this. Like it is like, this is gonna take you like 5 minutes and like $15, we can totally do this. And he's more like the realistic one. Like sometimes I have to pull him. So that's good, right? That whole saying opposites attract in a marriage, I 100% agree in that. But then there's times where Nikki needs to be like brought back to reality. Okay. So like he just, you know, he'll, he'll kind of be like, but did you think about this? And did you think about that? And did you think about like this? And sometimes, especially as a 1, that can feel very negative. Like I'm constantly saying to him, thanks for sinking my ship today. You know, in a passive tone sometimes. I'm not just sassy. But you know, I'll give you a great example. Okay, so I wanted him to build these awnings for our farmhouse. It was the final touch, right? And I have been asking him for months now to do these awnings. And I'm like, Chris, it's gonna take like 1 hour. Like I'm looking at these plans, it's gonna cost like pennies to do this. And then we sat down this weekend and he was like, Well, you didn't think about how are we going to attach it to the house and what's that going to do to the siding and how I'm going to have to, you know, cut the niches and all that. And I was like, oh no, I didn't think through all that. Um, but he still did it and it looks amazing. So he just, he needed to be pushed and I needed to be back in reality.

Yeah. I, I, I, I've learned two things. One is that it's okay for me to push sometimes. But the second thing that I've learned is that I need to really take my time deciding when it's worth pushing. So it depends on what's at stake. If there's something that he doesn't want to do, but I can see that the payoff, it's worth the hemming and the hawing right now and worth the rolling of the eyes and all that, then I'll just shrug my shoulders and be like, yep, but this is what we're going to do. Love you. I don't say, "This is what we're gonna do." I just say, "I really think this is what we should do," you know? But I did, like you said, obnoxious is a good word. I can be pushy. I don't mean to be. It's just my ideas are great. So—

Are you an 8 on the Enneagram?

I am not.

What are you?

Normally people have no problem guessing what I am. I'm so surprised, actually.

You're a 3.

I'm a 3. I'm a 3. Strength Finders Achiever. Enneagram Achiever. So when you said like this pandemic has totally shown you who you are, mine reinforced what I already do. Everybody else is slowing down. Priscilla's in the bed watching Netflix. You know, everybody's chilling out. What am I doing? Live streaming, trying new technology, getting up every morning at 7:00 AM.

You exhaust me. I'm like, Chrystal, you need to slow down. Like the rest of us cannot keep up with you.

But the thing is, is like, this is, this is energizing for me.

Like you're doing to me what my, what I have to do to my husband, right? This is why we have to get behind people. Who push us further. So like, I know, Chrystal, if I send you a Voxer and I'm whining about something with my publisher or something like that, you're like, you're going to say, well, what are you going to do about it? Like, that's, that's what you do.

Yeah.

Pushed me to that place. So we all need people like that in our lives. 100%.

Yeah. Well, I mean, the thing is, is I just— but, but the problem with that is my husband, I believe, is a 9. The problem with that is, um, The problem with that is I, I go where you may not take in the details into account. I'll take the details into account. I just, I just figure that I can do it, and I overestimate my capacity. And it's not until I run out of steam and I'm flat on my back that, you know, and I'm like, I can't get up today, that I realized I overshot it, you know what I mean? So my, my thing is you know, half the time is not just me saying to my husband, do I need to, you know, does, is this a good time to push for him? It's asking myself. And then I have to use my husband or friends. They're good at this too, to help me say, am I, am I overdoing this? Like, help, help me see my boundaries because I don't see them very well. I have a very high opinion of my capacity and it's not correct. Sometimes it's, well, a lot of the time it's not, it's not correct. Um, when, when you say that that's the greatest tension between you and your husband is me wanting to go and him wanting to stop. Yeah. Um, yeah, because I'm not only am I a goer, I'm a planner. I'm a planner, and I'm just like, we should have a plan, you know? Like, we, we should have, we should have, we should know what we're doing. We should have thought it through. I don't want to do things twice. I want to measure twice and cut once. I don't like wasting time. I don't like inefficiency. And he loves meandering through life, and I'm just like, let's go, let's— now until he gets on a road trip, then he doesn't want to stop for any restroom breaks or any sightseeing because he's a man. But just in general, yeah, it's my desire to not waste anything. I don't want to waste money. I don't want to waste time. I don't want to waste ideas. I don't want to— I don't like to But, but all of our children are not wired like me. So I've had to really consult with him and say, you know, in, in this season right now of raising boys, I'm learning. I'm deferring to him a lot because I don't know, I don't know, I don't understand the way y'all think. And I thought it was him until I had 3 sons, and then I was like, oh, it's man, it's man. So, um, of course consulting with him, and then one of our boys is totally wired like him. He is. So that's a part of me navigating this new season is saying there are things I don't know. I have to give myself grace to learn. And then what you said about your farmhand, or I don't know if that's what you call her, but what was her name? Is it Amber?

Amber.

You said she knows the stuff. And so for me, navigating new seasons is acknowledging what I don't know and saying that there's somebody else that actually knows something I don't. Because I literally asked my husband the other day with one of our boys. I said, what's wrong with him? I don't understand what's wrong with him. And my husband said, oh, I do. He said, I do. That's how I was. And I was like, well, tell me what's wrong with him. Help me to understand.

Help me understand.

I don't understand what's wrong with him. And I'm doing all— I'm pulling all of my tricks out of the bag. And I think I'm a really good parent. But navigating teenage life with this particular son, with his personality and his demeanor, his energy level, I'm just like, oh my gosh, I have no idea what I'm doing. No, none. And sometimes I think I do and say things I shouldn't because I'm just doing them the way I know how.

Yeah, well, and I think that's an honest reflection. I mean, most of us are just winging this whole thing anyways, like Yeah, we are. None of us have this all figured out.

We are. Yeah, we are. Okay, so, so I'm gonna make up a few questions for Nikki, y'all, and now's the time if you have questions for us. I don't know, about chickens, about teenagers, about writing, speaking, marketing, navigating new seasons, husbands that don't want to go when we want to go. Okay, you can throw them in there and I will see them and try to bring some of y'all on screen. So, um, I want to know when, when, when we're talking about speaking and writing, publishing, getting your words out there, that new season for so many women, because I know you're like me, we get those questions a lot from women who want to write or want to speak. And they're trying to navigate the season of trying to get their words out there. Like they, they don't, they don't have an agent. They don't, they don't know how to start. So when they're trying to navigate the beginning of that season, Um, what, what advice, what words of wisdom would you share with a person who's trying to navigate the beginning of that season?

Start where you are, 100%. Um, I don't know if you know this, but I started off teaching coupon classes.

You know what, I think I remember that. I think I do remember that.

You remember that?

I do.

Yeah. So I did not start off as a Bible teacher. But I found a way to work the Bible into my coupon classes. And so I love that.

I love that.

Yeah, you got to start where you are and don't be thinking about like, like when I was teaching those coupon classes, I had no idea what was coming, like never dreamed. And so like that whole, like, let me try to make sense of my life thing. Don't just, don't just go with it and just keep doing the next thing that God puts in front of you, the next person. And just always think about the person. It's not the project. I mean, Chrystal Hurst, I think I make my publisher crazy because I'm always like, no, we need to ask the people. No, we need to ask the people. No, we're gonna ask the people their opinion on this. We're not gonna just sit in a group and just say, this is what we think.

No, I need to serve them and serve them well. And I can't do that without asking them.

Yes. Yes. And I think as leaders, it is so important to listen to what people, And I'm not talking about like hundreds of people, I'm talking about what are your people at your dining room table saying to you, or your kitchen table? What are your people on social media saying back to you? Start with those people and listen. Like listen, listen, listen. So many times, Chrystal, I know you've had this happen too, I'll have somebody come to me and they have this divine revelation. Like, "God told me to write this book at this time and I'm gonna just do it this way." Well, God speaks to all of us and calls us into communication, but it doesn't always look like what we think God's calling us into. Maybe the vision that you originally had was the vision to jumpstart the bigger vision. And so you've gotta be willing to like switch gears. And I mean, obviously I didn't wanna teach coupon classes for the rest of my life. And so, you know, I just had to change as the culture changed. I mean, coupons are not really a huge thing anymore 'cause they have all those—

That's because people went too far with it and messed it up for the rest of us. You were one of them. Okay, let me, let me pause here because I do want to— I love to start where you are, and I think it's kind of the same, um, response to this question, but let's answer this one specifically. So Carmen from Facebook wants to know, how did you find your mastermind group? How did you find it and start it?

I started it. Chrystal Hurst, I took a risk, and last Last January, one of my goals was that I was going to have a group of people that were smarter than me. And so I sent out a text to— I think there's 6 of us in that group. Yeah. And I was scared that everybody was going to say no. And not one person said no. They all said yes. And we haven't been doing so good about meeting the last couple of months. It's been kind of crazy. But we still do our Voxer when we need something and we have you know, we know we have access to each other.

Yes, and that's been great. But I think the thing is, so many of you ask me, you know, like, not even masterminds, but just, um, like friends, community, like— and I think whatever it is that you want to have, often you have to start it. And, and what she described, which is she thought everybody was going to say no, she didn't know if it would work out, you know, like those things you have to take the risk of the thing that you want. You have to take the risk of stepping out there and being the initiator of that because I wanted it. Listen, I'm so glad Nikki started that group because there are some smart people in there and I'm like, can I ask y'all a question? And we are all smart in one thing, but maybe not so much in another. And we help each other out.

Yeah.

So if you want something, start it. And we're using Voxer as the app for that. It's a walkie-talkie app. But there are other things. You can have a Facebook group. You can have— you could communicate on Slack. Y'all could do email if that's what you wanted to do. So I think you just have to go— or Zoom. Yeah, Zoom right now. Everybody should know. Everybody should know about Zoom. Um, so let me put this question up here. This is from YouTube. Shunkweta, I think your name is. She said, in the age of self-publishing on demand, why is the traditional route for you both more appealing? That's a great question for publishing. What say you, Nikki?

Um, well, listen, I actually think self-publishing is a brilliant route. Um, now it was not when Chrystal and I started several years ago. Um, we were so strongly advised not to go that route. So, um, 100%, I believe in self-publishing. Uh, it's so great. I think at this point, um, you know, it's just wiser. Uh, we've to kind of stay with the relationships that we've had. We've had great experiences. I can't say anything, you know, super, super negative about either one of my traditional publishing experiences. I've been with one house and now I'm with another house. You're gonna have issues, you're gonna have disagreements. That's a thing no matter where you are. But for me, I like the support that comes through them having to carry the weight of the editing and the theological review and, um, that side of things. I'm curious to know what you think about this though, Chrystal, because I feel like I'm kind of not hitting this one.

This is what— no, no, I think that's good. I think that— so I, I have, with the help of interns, let me just say that, I have self-published a book because I was teaching a speaking and writing course but I hadn't self-published a book. I was like, I gotta do it. Uh-oh, we went off on Instagram. I gotta do it if I'm gonna tell people to do it. So basically I I did it, and I would— and now that self-published book is getting turned into a traditionally published book. Um, that's the book that I have coming out this year.

I got kicked off Instagram.

Yeah, we both did because the hour was up, so it's okay. Um, but the, the, um, but the, the— say that again.

I got kicked off Instagram.

No, and that's okay because the hour was up. After an hour, it kicks you off. Oh, so they're okay. They, most of them know that. But I, the reality is, is that I, um, you can put things out faster on your own. And so now my counsel is, yes, go for the book deal, but don't let the book deal stop you from writing your book. If you have something that you need to get out, that I encourage people to go the self-publishing route for a couple of reasons. One, you don't have to wait. Two, then you can still have a book on your table if you go somewhere or book on your site to sell. And then 3, it, it gives proof in the pudding. So when you say to a publisher, hey, I'd like for you to publish, they already have the proof that you can write. You're not promising them here's the first 2 chapters. Cause you know, a lot of times the first time publishers, the question on the table for publishers is can they actually finish the 50,000 words? So when you have that, that's proof in the pudding. And then also the last thing I would say is that I just think, I just think in this day and age, because of the internet, Self-publishing gives you options. It gives you options. And I just don't think you have to wait. Traditional publishing, basically it's money. They give you money that helps you market your book and help with navigating the, the steps of getting your book out there. But just like everything else, you can learn how to do this on YouTube. You can take a course. And I have two friends actually who used to have traditional publishing deals. And then they went their self-publishing route. They said they would never go back. They put a book out as often as they want to. I have a friend that puts out 3 books a year. She has an audience on, um, on Amazon. She's making more money than she did with her publisher, has more freedom. She doesn't have to discuss with them about her cover, and she just does what she wants to do. But she likes doing the whole process. I just think you have to look at it as a real alternative because publishing is hard right now. Getting into tradition— traditional publishing is hard. Uh, for many of us it's a platform game because you have to have people, they have to know you have people to sell your book to. So I think you have to look at both. And then like you were saying earlier, Nikki, just get started, get started. And if one door isn't opening, then try the other door, then just try the other door. Okay. I want to take this question. Oh, go ahead. Go ahead.

One quick thing. So I think if you're going to try the self-publishing route, start with something really, really small, like a 99 cent ebook. Book or something like that and see. Like, you and I follow a girl called The Six Figure Chick, and she says once you get to the point where you're making $1,000, then you do the next thing. Yeah, then go to the next level. So I'd start real small if you're going to go self-publishing and try it that way and see if that's a good fit for your audience.

Okay, Vicky Dominguez says, by way of Britt Joyner— Britt, thank you for catching the comment. Um, Vicky, she's in the Dominican Republic. I took my boys to the Dominican Republic. She's my friend from— she has 8 kids, and then they became missionaries, and we went over there. Anyway, she said, which is why I'm shocked she's asking this question, what's the best way to prioritize when our lives are so full of so many things? I'm like, Vicki, I learned that from you. But anyway, what— how do you prioritize? You're a farmer, farmer's wife, you're a writer, you're a speaker, you create courses, you have 3 girls. What does prioritization look like for you?

So my morning routine is like, I don't mess with it. I have to have my morning routine. The rest of the day can do what it wants to do. But in the morning, I always get up. I have my time with the Lord, first of all, reading the scriptures somehow. It's normally not a huge long time, but it's just enough to get my brain in the right way. But then I sit down and I have in my journal every day, I write out, and I stole this from Rachel Hollis, and I know some people feel that name sometimes maybe goes both directions. Rachel Hollis is like, maybe not Bible teacher, but brilliant marketer, businesswoman. So 100%, I think she offers business, personal development-wise, is super wise. So I took this from her, okay? So I just wanna make sure I give her credit. But she does this thing like her top 10 things that she's believing for, for her life. I've transitioned them to the things that I'm believing God for in my life. And so, because I believe in God dreams and God assignments and God visions.

Yeah.

And that's what I'm chasing after. And so I sit down every day and I write out my 10 things that I'm believing God for, for my life. So I have my priorities in my head. So as my day continues on, normally I block out time to write, but like right now I had to come away to have a huge amount of time to write. And then there's other times where I time block to work on messages, but I've learned if you don't plan your days, your days will plan you. And so— There you go. You've got to stay focused in that top 10 things. Like, my family is part of my top 10 vision. There's things that I'm believing for our family for. So those are my priorities. That's what I know is right in front of me. The rest of it may be fun, exciting, adventurous, and things like that. But, you know, sometimes I gotta go back to that list and say, is this part of the 10 things that I'm chasing after? Right now.

Now, when you say you write them down every morning, you write them down every morning? So basically it's the same 10, you just are re-solidifying it in your head.

I will tell you that a couple of them have changed since COVID started, um, because a couple of them had to do with speaking engagements, and those have all gone away right now.

Yeah.

So I've had to kind of recalibrate some, some of my dreams and hopes and plans for that.

Okay, okay. And I want to just pause right here too and say we'll take a couple of more quick questions before we jump off, but I want to say if you did not catch Nikki's website earlier when I had it on the screen, um, please visit her at nickicozyars.com. One, her podcast is great, but two, y'all, you're in the middle of a course right now, um, in a coaching— you're, you're— it's a kind of a coaching scenario, but she has a whole thing about focusing on your one thing and getting that thing done. And so if you're interested in finding out more about Nikki and what she does in terms of helping you get your one thing done, visit her website and check her out and get on her email list so that you'll know what she's doing when she's, when she's doing it. Okay. So there were a couple other questions that one of them I'm going to, I'm going to ask, but I don't know if you, neither you or I could answer that. Maybe you can. So, okay. Yes. Yes. Dantes, maybe Dobson. She's on Facebook. She said, do you have a system? For conflict management in your marriage?

So I can give you the system that my counselor—

come on, whoever came from, it doesn't matter, we all learning. Go ahead.

Um, so I, I mean, Chris is fine with me talking about this. I've talked about it before. We did go through marriage counseling a couple years ago. Um, we were just in a place where we were running in opposite directions and colliding when we need— like, most of the time just hitting heads. And so, um, I think, okay, a couple things. Conflict can be so resolved by understanding people's personalities. That's why Chrystal Hurst and I are such huge supporters of the Enneagram, StrengthFinders, Myers-Briggs, all the things. Um, in fact, I did a whole series on my podcast on all the different personality tests, um, and I brought on experts. So if you want to learn more about that, it's on there. Yeah, but I think understanding their My ENFP personality is so, so valuable in conflict resolution because again, I know how to come to them. I know how to approach them better through that. But you know, with my husband, one of the things that when we went through counseling that he really just did not, was not getting, was that I needed him to just validate what I was feeling. He's not a huge feelings kind of person. I don't know if that's a one thing or what it is. But he's just not. Like, I asked him the other day, I was like, how are you feeling about COVID And he was like, fine. And I'm like, you're fine? Like, it's fine? So that was surprising to me. So I needed him to affirm what I was feeling. So now when we're in a conflict or when we're arguing about something, I'll say, stop, I need you to just acknowledge how I'm feeling right now before you move on to what you think the solution is. So those two things have really helped. What about you, Chrystal Hurst?

I don't have any help in that department. No, I mean, I just think, no, for real, like Jesse and I, um, we were in the car the other day, we celebrated our 19th anniversary and I said, okay, 19 years. What do you want to work on this year? Cause I'm the one that's going to ask that question in our marriage. Right. And he just said, I just want us to like each other more. And I was like, I'm thinking 19 years, like, we should be able to say something more specific. But really, I've been thinking about that a lot because it really— that filters down into so many things. If I like you, what do I do? You know, if I like you, how do I include you? If I like you, how do I talk to you? If I like you, what do we do together? What do we— you know, where do I give you grace? And so I've just been thinking Like, how can I— how can I show my husband that I like him better? And then even approaching our conflicts like that, you know what I'm saying? So I'm not walking in like, you're the enemy and you're driving me crazy and you're against me. It is that, you know, I actually like you. And that approach, that decision that I'm saying, okay, I like him. So when I go in, I'm not gonna go in hard, I'm not gonna go in heavy, and I'm not gonna go in angry. I'm gonna go in Like, I'm giving you a pass because I like you, you know what I mean? And I do that so easily with my children, you know. When my— one of my boys, he was late on some project and staying up late trying to get it done. If my reaction to him, which could have been, I can't believe you're still working on this, why is this late, I like him and I have compassion. And I walked up to him and I said, hey, do you want me to make you some tea? And I rubbed his back. I said, I'm sorry you have to stay up so late working on this, but I know you're gonna get a good grade. The approach was, I like you. And the approach changes how you deal with people. It softens them. So that's what I would say is just, if you can go into conflict, giving them the benefit of the doubt that they're on your team, it changes the way that it, it can change the way that conversation goes. I think.

Do you guys have anything that you like to do together? Like just, like just you guys do together?

So yes and no. Um, I like it. I like adventure, and I get tired of having to come up with it all myself, right? But my husband is a big adventure taker, so any big trip that we've taken in our life, he's planned. So that's challenging right now because of his health. You know, we can't really do a lot of big things. We can't really be away from home for very long, so that's, that's challenging. But like, we— adventure is something, if it's a big thing He likes planning. So we've gone skiing, you know, we've gone international, we've done all these different things. So him planning those trips, um, the problem is he likes things that I am glad he likes so that he can do them with the boys. He likes camping. I'm like, y'all go have a father-son weekend. He wants me to come so bad though, so bad. And I'm just like, I don't want to. Maybe if I did it, I would like it, maybe. Maybe. I'm just like, that just sounds like planning. Now I got to bring all the food out in the cooler and— but maybe, I don't know.

Tell him you come but you don't want to plan anything.

Well, he already said— I was like, I'm gonna have to have my own tent. I'm not sleeping with y'all. I'm gonna need to have a— I'm gonna need to have a, um, a mattress, a blow-up mattress in there because I don't want to— you know, it needs to be cushiony. I need a little fan. And he said, I'll do it, I'll do it, just come. And I was like, that's okay. Isn't that terrible? I'm like, y'all are all out of the house. I get to be home by myself. Y'all go camping, have a good time. Anyway, okay, so I think, I mean, I think that was pretty— I think I missed a question that I wanted to, but it's so far good now. I don't know. Oh, there's— this is one. I'll put this one up. This will be the last one. So DeeDee Jones off of, um, YouTube said, okay, how can we access these personality screenings? So if somebody wants to find out their StrengthFinders, find out their Enneagram Where can they go to do that?

Yeah, so StrengthFinders, you do have to pay for the test. I would not recommend doing the free one because it's not accurate. It's like $10, $15, I think. So you can go on strengthfinders.com and get that. And then the Enneagram, you're actually not supposed to take a test. You're supposed to self-identify, which means you got to read the books. I know, I read the descriptions and see which one fit you the best. But there's tons— like, just Google how to find my Enneagram number, and I mean, Lord have mercy, there's so many.

There's so much stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, and, and here's the thing, I, I don't think that the personality tests are a magic pill. I think what they do is give you language, language that you can use with people that you work with, people that you love, to say, these words made sense to me, let me tell you who I am. It also gives you language to talk to your loved ones or your coworkers or your roommate to say, do you think— I mean, do you think of yourself like this? It gives you language because a lot of times when we're struggling to connect with people, it's because we don't know how to tell them who we are and what we need. And you know, that's what a good counselor will do too. They'll give you— they'll ask you questions so that you can discover the language to use to describe who you are and what you need. So It's a tool, you know. Don't— you don't have to— there are people who are like all the way in. Nikki, are you all the way in? Are you like— you all the way in the Enneagram? Like for real? Oh, you're all the way in. Monique is all the way in too. And so now when we're like bringing on new interns or hiring team members, I just look at her and say, what's their number?

Yeah, I believe in it so much. But also like, let me say this, it's not a weapon.

It's not a weapon. That's good.

I have done this. I'm going to confess, like, there's times for my husband, I'm like, you're acting like such a one right now.

That's awesome, y'all. Please visit Nikki on her site, nickicozyars.com. And for those of y'all who came on late or you're just now joining us and you're like, what is happening here, I want to remind you, if you don't do anything else, please go and sign up for the email list because the link to so many things that we talked about today will be there. We'll send that out via email. If you are struggling relationally with boundaries, please tune into the podcast, my podcast. It will be up tomorrow. I'm interviewing Gary Thomas about setting boundaries in relationships, and it is an awesome, awesome, awesome conversation. And if you're on my email list, you'll also get the email with all, all that you need to listen to that podcast. If you are looking for all of the interviews that I've done over this quarantine time, all of these little QC interviews, check out— oh, it's not coming on screen— check out the Inner Circle, chrystalevanshurst.com/innercircle. And if you're looking for a place to meet new people and to talk about great things, check out the Facebook group, chrystalevanshurst.com/facebookgroup. Thank you for joining me here. Thank you for joining me, Nikki. And you all, listen, I got you started. Don't lay in the bed all day. Get going and have a great day.

Thanks, Chrystal.