Part 1 of 4: Devi Titus and Lois Evans on Sharing Secrets with Adult Daughters

I want to welcome you to another episode of the Sister Circle Show, and I am joined today with some special friends. I have my mom, of course, Lois Evans, and we are joined with Miss Debbie Titus, who I've known for a really long time. Her and her mom, y'all go way back.

Way back in the days, I think.

Yes, way back. And then we're also joined by Miss Debbie's daughter, Trina. Yes. And I've gotten to know Trina personally. We've gotten a chance to visit with each other a couple times, and we're here because we want to talk about really practical things. And one of the things that I've heard a lot of people ask about is, can you talk about mother-daughter relationships? So who better to talk about mother-daughter relationships with than a mother and daughter? And so I wanted to first of all start out by asking you a question. You said that you went to your mom's house to pick her up to come here, and you asked to borrow her jewelry.

Yeah, I wasn't quite ready, so I ran in and I said, "Hey, Mom, can I borrow that really fabulous necklace?" And she said, "Of course." So, that's why— she is so great at letting me borrow her fabulous stuff.

Okay, so yes, because my mother has fabulous stuff too, and I've been on my way to church, and it's been everything from jewelry to a slip.

Right, right, right.

You know what I mean? So, uh, I need help. Can I borrow some shoes?

I know, what up?

Do you ever get sailors coming into your closet? Because we still come into your closet looking for stuff.

Yeah, you guys just come in now and just look. Cruising.

What are you going to come back and do when I'm not home?

I don't care, it's your daughter now calling you for stockings. "Nani, I need some stockings." I'm like, "Charis, I'm already at church." So it's going down to the generation.

Right.

Oh yeah. So now I'm going to put stockings in the car, stockings in the office at church. Okay, sorry.

Just a sidebar. Do you still wear stockings?

Occasionally.

Occasionally.

If I have a black dress, black shoes, it's an evening, then I will wear an off-black stocking.

It has to be.

Okay. Do you wear stockings?

Only if she tells me I need to.

I am trying to think when's the last time I bought stockings. I grew up wearing them and then it's just at some point I think I stopped doing them. You stock your stockings. You used to order them by the box.

I still do. Yeah.

You were just like, just give them to me. I mean, that's the thing, you know, the night before church, running to the store to get stockings.

So why would you want to do that?

Because when I go for my color, they're always out of it. So when they have it, I just buy it by the box, you know. But I still wear stockings on Sunday. I'm just old-fashioned.

No, it's not old-fashioned.

It's a preference. I just feel like put in place, you know.

Yeah.

Well, see, I think what happened is there were stockings And then there were girdles. And then Spanx happened.

Well, it was the other way around.

Was it?

There were girdles before the control top.

Oh yeah. Wow.

I can't believe we're having this conversation.

My grandma is 94, her mother, she still wears a girdle. Yes. I'm serious. Oh, every day.

Every day. By herself in her own home. Yes.

Same reason, she feels more put together.

And puts on makeup and jewelry.

I have not arrived. That's the bottom line. I have not arrived. I have not arrived.

That was my mommy, right?

Yes.

My mom was always put together.

Well, even when, from day— when she knew that she was going to be passing away, even in the bed, we went and put lipstick on her.

Oh, yeah.

Because we said, she's not going to want people coming in here and seeing her without her lipstick.

No. Yes.

Right.

Trina knows, my mother and me, if we get sick, the first thing you do—

That's the code.

The first thing you do— wait a minute. You're not going to believe this— shave my chin.

Don't you dare.

You know what happens. Can I say this today? I met a friend of mine. She's 32. Oh my. And we were standing out in front of the church. I just happened to be there for something. And I said, girl, what is that under your chin? And she was like, girl, I know. I have to pluck them. And I said, you're 32. I have 5 of them. There are 5 of them.

There used to be 1.

I used to lay on the edge of the bed and try to pluck it. Now there's 5. So is this a thing?

Do all women grow this?

Yes!

I think.

No one said this to me.

No, people don't talk about it.

They grow hair and wax it off. Wax it off. Shave it off, pluck it out, whatever it takes.

Get it out.

Why do we not tell each other this?

Well, we might.

Hey, Grandma, this is a sister circle. This is real hair.

I'm just like, just so many things happen and I'm like, does it? And then when I ask my mom, then she'll be like, yes.

And I'm like, I don't wanna, I'm not. We're gonna tell you horror stories.

So this has been passed down because her mother, she tells her and me to make sure that we take care of it every day. She takes care of it every day to this day. Seriously, she wears a girdle and she shaves to make sure she's got smooth skin. Yes, she's ready.

Yep.

Yeah, and some people, before she puts on her makeup.

Reality, some people have more facial hair than others.

If you can't pluck it all, then shave it, bitch. I can't just get it off. It's not okay.

One time I was red down here, my husband was like, did a bug bite you? You know, did something happen? I was like, no, I was trying to get the hair to come back to me. Things happen. Things happen. Okay, so videos, girdles, jewelry, shaving, all the things. What is the thing, what can you think of that maybe you were surprised that happened to you personally, physically, emotionally, whatever, that you were surprised that your mother knew? Can you think of something that you were like, "What, you know about this?" Like you didn't know that your mother had gone through it, experienced it, shared that experience. Is there anything that you can think of?

I have to think about anything. I know a lot of things that I did that my mother didn't know.

I know that. But the point is, are you sure she didn't know? But that she found out about.

Maybe she did.

I mean, I can think of things I have things, I have 4 children, but I had had my 3rd child and my dad was preaching and I felt convicted that I had never told my parents about a situation.

How old were you then?

With a guy. I would have my 3rd child at this point. I was in my 30s probably.

And you were like, I should have told them.

You know what? I felt convicted and I was like, okay, remember that one guy? Remember that one night? Yeah, no, you know, I feel bad. I never really told you the truth about that. And then also that night I felt convicted and I told them about a car accident that I had that I never told them about.

Oh, that's it.

That's it.

Okay.

That's what it is.

Okay.

Okay. So did you know about the nurse? Well, no, not till you told us.

Right, right, right.

But what we knew was that she didn't park in the same place that night.

So, seem fishy.

So she parked out on the curb and she usually would drive and park back in her spot in the driveway. She parked on the curb and her father went running early that morning.

He was like, what's up, right?

And he came, no, he came in and said, Debbie, And Trina, you'll never guess what happened. Trina, you should never park on the curb in the front. Someone with a yellow car sideswiped your car on the curb.

And I'm like, and Trina was like, what? A taxi, a taxi hit my car. Oh no, really?

And she ran out to look at it. So it was—

so then after I had 3 kids, oh, I didn't lie about him like he made her act.

Way later.

I'll take your side. I'll take it.

Yeah, I'll take your shoes.

What happened was I had— there's these big concrete poles that are painted yellow by the gas tank so that if you cut it too short, you won't hit the gas tank, right? But it just took out the whole side of my car.

Okay, well, here's the thing.

And it was yellow, and so I was like, here's the thing.

Whoops.

But I like—

she had already had a car accident with her first car, right? This was the replacement second car that was identical to her first car. We were able to find one. Just like it because it was such a heartbreak.

I struggle with driving.

With her first car. So yeah, but we didn't learn until years later after she was married. Her now husband at that time was working as a car mechanic, and so she went to see him while he was working, and when she left she ran into a concrete pole painted yellow. And he said, "I'll fix it for you." And he said, "I'll fix it," but he couldn't fix it that day.

So I think that my dad went out running and saw the yellow pole. Yeah, and made up the story for me. And I'm like, "There's a guardian angel." Thank you, Jesus. Then I felt convicted years later.

Yeah, well, I know, I remember Mommy, you talking about, I think I was talking about how tired I was, young kids and this, and you told me about, the day you sat down because you were so overwhelmed and you needed to go to the store and then you had other errands to run and you needed to pay bills and you just sat down and you said, "I just, I don't even have any idea how I'm going to get this all done." And in my view, at, you know, the Saturday night before church, you start cooking, you come out to church looking like a million bucks, we get home, you feed 25 people, Every Sunday, the food is great. Every Sunday, you know, you're cooking with an apron in your Sunday clothes. I mean, you're just, to me, you have it all together.

Right?

Yes. You know, and so when I told you that I was struggling to hear that you were, that you had struggled during that season was surprising for me to hear, but it was also life-giving for me to hear because, because I was thinking, hmm, great. Okay. It's not just me. It's not just me.

I will never forget that. Because your dad came home, somebody, and he just saw me sitting there. John was a baby. And I was just finished. There was still dinner to cook. And I was like, "Dad." From the grocery store? I'll never forget that, because I think that was the first time in my history as a mommy, just feeling at my wit's end. Yeah, thinking, how am I going to do it? I think right then your dad said, I'm going to get you some help. I said, praise God!

Hey, next time I would have— I'll fake it if I can get help.