Devi Titus says honor your mother the way she wants to be honored. Lois Evans tells single parents and grandparents to keep investing in family life around the table. An older participant urges mothers to regularly encourage their daughters with uplifting words instead of focusing only on conflict.
was, back then you didn't watch my kids, you know what I'm saying? So maybe that's the intimacy pull, when what we're really talking about is kind of right now.
Right now. Okay.
Anyway, okay, so before we, before we end, what do you think, if someone is watching, that is the main takeaway for their mother-daughter relationship? And let's just each give it. I'll start with you. Just whether it's the daughter's perspective, the mom's perspective, what do they need to know? What do they need to do What from our conversation should they act on? Just anything that comes to mind, just a takeaway.
Well, what the Lord showed me is that I need to honor and respect my mother, and sometimes in order for that to be, I need to honor and respect her the way she wants to be honored and respected. So that means that, so that might mean not having a conversation, even if I want to, you know what I mean? And then, and the whole thing of, you know, if you honor your mother, your mother, it will go well with you and you will live long. Well, you know, my mother is such a wonderful person. I want to honor her by working with her, by helping her, by staying in the daughter role instead of trying to be an equal or instead of trying to now me telling her what to do because now I'm smart too. You know, it's just like that. So, you know what I mean? But it's tricky because I'm, I will always be her daughter. She will always be my mother. You know, so just to honor her and respect her. It's gonna help me live long. It's in my own best interest.
It's gonna go well with me if I do that.
I'm like, worst case scenario, I do get something out of this.
It is in my own best interest to honor, respect her.
So I'm just going with that, you know? And why wouldn't I? I mean, she's such a fabulous person, so it's all good. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
What about you, mom?
I don't remember the question.
Just if someone's watching, out of all the things that we're talking about, what would be your one takeaway?
As a mom know this, or as a daughter know this, or do this, or whatever. Well, I would say, as hard as it is to raise a family, I would say to hang in there. Because we're probably talking to single parents as well. Grandparents raising children and things like that. Hang in there. We need you investing in our children today. And I'm talking about around the table. And we've got the lady that's got the table principle, but we as a family built our family around the table. Was it easy? No, because there were so many millions of schedules and things like that, but your dad insisted on us sitting around that table and not just having dinner, having devotion or conversation, asking them what was going on in their world, even to the point where they were free to tell him he's traveling too much, or just real life at the table. So again, I'm talking to single parents, grandmothers raising children, parents working, you know, both parents work, it just is tough. It's even harder than when we raised you. But I still would encourage you, even in the tough, discouraging, challenging times, keep investing in your family. Even when you feel like I felt, where you just put your hands down, there's no more you can do, you just— you can't invest anymore, I'm saying. Get people around you that will encourage you and hold your hands up to keep investing in our future. Because this is not just about us, it's generations. We're talking about affecting generations to come. So when you want to throw your hands up, think this is not about you. It's about leaving a mark for his namesake. Like my mother would say, "Lois, this is all about his namesake, it's not about me." And that rings, that rang in my head the whole time I was raising you guys, and I try to transfer that principle, if I could say it, to young mothers or grandmas, whatever, whoever is raising families today. Teachers, because teachers are now sociologists and counselors and everything. Don't give up. Keep investing for His name's sake and for generations to come.
Yes. Well, I think daughters, no matter how old we are, need encouragement from their mothers. That we are cautious as mothers that we're not we're not always giving advice, but we are talking up to them and encouraging them. My mother is 94 years old. I'm 70 years old, and my daughter is 51 years old. And when I sit with my mother and my mother says complimentary things, I'm not needing my mother's approval by any means, but there's no greater person than to say something encouraging than my mother to say it to me. It's different. And so I think as mothers, we need to be more intentional or very intentional to speak encouraging things. And we've spent a lot of time talking about conflict, but there is nothing more powerful than edification and to build up your daughter and for daughters to build up their mother. I think this works greater than me going to my daughter and talking to her about how she hurt me, how I feel rejected by her, or you know, if you would have done it this way or said it this way, and here's how I always feel when I'm with you. Well, first of all, always is an exaggeration, and so that is not a word you should ever use. But just be mindful of how important it is to a daughter to hear encouraging words from her mother, no matter how old or how young your daughter is.
Well, I just think that— and we said it a few times— I think whether a daughter is looking at her mother, or a mother is looking at her daughter. While we do want to honor, and while we want to edify, and all these different things, I think what's most important is just to remember that while the position is real, they're a person.
Yes. They're a person.
They're a person. And so to have compassion on your mother, minus expectations as much as possible, and say, you know what, she's a person. She walks in two shoes just like I do. Jesus had to save her just like he had to save me. Yeah, right. You know, she's had struggles and challenges. I have struggles and challenges. Sometimes they're the same, sometimes they're different. We're alike, we're different, but she's a person. She's a person, and how can I honor her just like I would any other person that I want to show the love of Jesus to? And so, I appreciate you sharing, being honest, and I know that somebody's sitting here— there were a few times when I heard something, and I know somebody's going, Yeah, exactly. I know, right? I know, right? So thanks for being here, and I know that someone's going to be encouraged by our conversations to go and work in a pleasant way, not dredging up old things, but working towards resolve with what they can, because that mother-daughter relationship is beautiful. Even though it's tangled, it can be intimate and it can be wonderful.
Yes, absolutely.
