Rachel Ridge: Faith, Friendship & Finding Your Path

Hey everybody, it's Chrystal Hurst and I am glad that you are joining me today. This is a Sister Circle Show Live and this is basically Sister Circle Show where I'm talking to a friend of mine about stuff that will help you live moments that matter, but where we do it real time. And so log on, share the broadcast, and be sure and comment and let me know that you're here and where you're from. Not only that, I want to make sure that you know that I'll be looking for your comments. So as we're talking, you see me look down, that's because I've got my phone here and I'm checking out what you're saying. And if you've got a question, something that sparks in your mind or in your heart that you'd like for Rachel or I to answer, then please don't hesitate to share that because we want to make sure that not only do we have a great conversation today, but that we also include you. Any topic of discussion helpful for both of you. So let me introduce my friend Rachel. So Rachel and I have known each other, um, and you can catch her on previous podcasts. We'll make sure we put, when the broadcast is over, a link to the notes of a previous podcast that I've done with Rachel, uh, or two. Um, but I met Rachel because actually Priscilla had met Rachel. This is why live is a thing. Chrystal had met Rachel, Rachel had painted a baby skate in her first son's room, and so it's gorgeous. Rachel is a ridiculously talented artist, and so I called Rachel and said, hey, would you paint a baby skate in my room too? And so we got a chance to know her because, you know, someone's standing there painting, they have room for conversation. So not only that, but over the years we've developed a friendship with Rachel Little Henney, and for a few years Rachel and I lived across the street from one another. Rachel is a fellow author and speaker. She's a mom, we're all mothers, and I just really admire the way she lives her life, has lived her life, also lives it in conjunction with actually taking care of the people that she loves, friends and family. Rachel is very intentional, but we all stay going. And so I think that one of the things that that is important to me is to say, hey, if this is your season of not life, you're not alone. And if you want to live well, here's somebody I know who is doing a good job. Nobody's perfect, but there are people in our lives who have a track record of doing things well, and Rachel is definitely one of those people in my life. So, hi, Rachel.

Good morning. It's so fun to be here. Thanks for having me on.

It is fun. It's fun. We're a little overdue to kind of make this happen. I know. So I guess my first question for you, like nobody even asked me stuff, so I'm like, just keep talking, get to anything that I just want to think about. So if y'all hear other voices, that's because I threatened everybody in my house with an inch of their life, so I do fine. But you may hear a kid. Yeah, no worries. It sneaks in because I'm letting one into speak in so he doesn't cause any problems. So, um, so Rachel, Rachel, welcome, and, um, I'm glad that we were able to make this work. Okay, so just so everybody has a little bit of an orientation to who you are and what you're doing, like, what are you currently all about in life right now?

Oh wow, what I'm currently all about in life, um, right now I am working on an illustration project for a book. So I've kind of turned my attention from writing and kind of doing things in my normal life to another creative endeavor. And so I have been totally immersed in this creative project, and it's kind of taken over my brain right now. So that, that's what I'm working on.

Did you always know you were creative? Like, in my head, I just feel like you kind of woke up in life to the fact that, oh, I'm a good painter. But how did you keep in touch or discover the touch that you have now?

Well, you know, it's been kind of a long journey, kind of a funny story, but kind of a I always, as a child, thought I was a bit creative and I wanted to be an artist. That was kind of a dream. And my very first chance to take an elective in school was in middle school or high school. And so I signed up for art and I struggled through the very first project that the teacher had us do, a blind drawing. And I couldn't do it, couldn't do it. All the other kids could do it. And I stayed after class to talk with my teacher and express my frustration. And I know in my heart I was really looking for some encouragement to stick with it. And probably caught him on a bad day. But he just said, "You know, if you can't do this first assignment, then you don't belong in this class." And all of my art dreams just kind of crashed and burned at 13 or 14 years old. And I didn't pick up a pencil or a paintbrush or anything. Until I was well into my 30s and I had 3 kids and was just kind of looking for a creative outlet, something that I could do. And I picked up a paintbrush and some craft paints from Michaels and just dipped my brush in paint, and I just fell in love with the idea that I could create something. And so it was kind of a, you know, not a very impressive beginning, but it actually— that's where I started. And as I began to get confidence, I began painting furniture and then walls and actually started a business that my husband ended up joining. And we worked together for about 15 years on murals and specialty finishes and all kinds of creative projects. So, you know, despite that early discouragement and feeling of failure in the creative world, um, God had a way of just bringing me back around to understanding of how I was created. And I still have to work really hard at some of those things that I struggled with at the very beginning, but there's so many facets of art and creativity that there's room for lots and lots of, of different types of, um, uh, endeavors, I guess I should say, in the, you know, in the creative world.

I'm curious, did having had that experience where somebody said you're not really that great, right? First of all, have you recovered from that? And what do you think? Because a lot of people get stuck at the fact somebody told them they weren't that great, right?

Right.

How did you get past that and do it anyway?

Well, I was devastated and so embarrassed. I just felt so humiliated as you are when you're a young teenager. And if there had been another adult that could have just said, why don't you just try to stick with it? Maybe I could have worked past it and started earlier. But I think because I didn't— I just started doing crafts. I didn't think of it as art. I was painting up some birdhouses and some pots. I'm like, how hard can that be? And they were cute, and that was kind of how I began. If I had thought that I was embarking on a career in art, I probably would have been too overwhelmed or too afraid to start. So I think that the lesson to me really, that as I look back, has been over and over again in many different areas, is just to simply start where you are. Don't be so intimidated by writers and creatives and artists or people that you think are really doing, you know, these amazing things. Just start where you are in whatever endeavor you are and just let the chips fall where they may. Just, you know, pick up the pencil, pick up the pen, start typing out a blog post. That's kind of how I got started.

I know, I love that because what I've learned is that many times the people that we admire, that's exactly what they did with where they were and then they just kept—

Right.

The other thing is that all the time what we see that looks glossy isn't always necessarily underneath, you know what I mean? Like, right. It's like people, sometimes people are like, you know, Chrystal, you've got all these things going on and you're so consistent with what you're putting on social media. And what they don't know is that there was a 6:00 AM quick Canva situation. I was like, I forgot to put this together. And you know, if we allow what we think people are doing perfectly to distract us because we don't think we can do it at that level. Will never start.

Right.

Everybody has to start somewhere. And I think that that's such a good word, no matter what people are struggling with or hesitant to do. You mentioned blogging, and I know for years you regularly blogged. How's blogging going these days? Are you doing it or not so much?

You know what, my, my poor little blog is, um, it's still there, and I still love my people who come and and visit and ask me, why aren't you blogging? Um, you know, when I started blogging, there was no Instagram, there was no Twitter, there was no Facebook. There were not, you know, there were not all these other mediums. It was just you and your blog and people that came and read a blog. And, um, and I do find myself getting a little bit overwhelmed by all of the, um, things that you feel like you have to do. And, um, I just, as a creative person, I'm kind of a one-focus person. And right now I've got, you know, if it's a writing project, I have to focus on that. If it's an art project, I focus on that. So my blog is still there and I do, you know, update it maybe once or twice a month, but not nearly as regularly as I did for 7 or 8 years, writing 5 days a week, every week.

Yeah, because that's, I mean, that's a lot. There's a guy, uh, what is his name? Oh, my brain just went dead, but I just discovered a guy, uh, he's bald, like he's a marketing guru. I'm trying to think of Seth Godin. There you go, there you go. I, I have heard of him, I've read some of his stuff, but I did not realize that he still vlogs every day. He says something every stinking day, and I mean, it could be short, like, right, a couple of sentences. Yeah, super short, but he— I was just like, man, the discipline to do that is, uh, it's a lot. Um, and but it did challenge me to think there are a lot of thoughts that I think that you're right, they are scattered kind of all over. And I've been challenged here lately to focus, okay, what is it that I'm doing, right? Putting my full energy on it. Because we're so tempted, not just in the writing world but in all of our life, to just drip a little bit here, drip a little bit there, drip a little bit here, and not really have an impact, you know, to have a solid impact. So recently you're working on the illustrated project right now, but you recently released a book, and if you don't mind, just tell us a little bit about that book and the one before it. Like, what were the two focus writing projects that were those solo projects for you? What were they about? Why did you write them?

Okay, well, It's always kind of funny when people ask me, well, what did you write about? I'm like, oh boy, how do you explain this story that I write about, that I've written two books that star donkeys, donkeys with the long ears and stubborn personalities. And people are like, is it a children's book? And no, I have to explain what exactly I'm talking about. So let's see, I'll grab. Okay, I'll grab. So your viewers can see. All right. I don't know if that's backwards or not. So this is Walking with Henry. You see this little cute little donkey on the COVID This is Henry. And it's a follow-up to my first book that was Flash.

These are two different donkeys that live with you. They live next to you in a field.

Yes, they are my donkeys. And several years ago, on a really, in a really low point of my life, a donkey showed up randomly, literally on our driveway. And I would have passed him by that night that he showed up, but my sweet, nice, caring husband got out of the car. We were returning from a creative job that had just taken too long, and we didn't make enough money, and we were so discouraged. He got out and proceeded to rescue this donkey that we ended up keeping and naming him Flash. And Flash became my own personal object lesson in the field. It was just exactly— I didn't realize it then. I had been asking God for a miracle of some kind, not thinking that my miracle was going to be a donkey in my driveway. You know, some people get the angels, they get money in their mailbox, and I got a shaggy donkey. So I ended up, you know, was writing some stories about this crazy donkey on my blog and just found a connection with my readers. And that was what turned into this book that has just been so well loved. And it's still in airports. You can find it in airports all around the country. And I mean, people are sending me pictures from their grocery stores, their choice book racks. They're sending me pictures of Flash the donkey on the COVID of this book. And so, you know, it's really just amazing how God can use the most unlikely, unworthy, un— you know, just the underdogs of life to, um, to really do something amazing and wonderful. And And that's what Flash has been. And then my latest book, Walking with Henry, is, is really a continuation of that story. But as I moved into a new season of my own life, with my kids all having left for college, my youngest son graduated and headed off to college, and, and I had just gone through a couple of disappointments and found myself in a place where I just, I couldn't pray any longer. I could— I just felt so disconnected from God. And, and I was trying to figure out, you know, what, what am I supposed to do now? What is— what am I— what does this next season look like? And entering, entering into that season of life was this tiny miniature rescue donkey named Henry. And Henry, um, we brought in to be a companion for Flash. He was all by himself and Henry ended up being such a catalyst for me and taking steps forward in my own journey of faith and reevaluating the things that I believed and the ways that I connected with God. And, and as a result, my faith just grew deeper and bigger and wider and richer. And so strangely enough, I have a little donkey to thank for being part of that journey.

I want to say, I mean, you kind of mentioned a couple of things about having to reorient your thoughts about life. And, you know, one of them is, oh wait, I am creative. And not only that, but I will have a whole career for a season of my life, right, based on that creativity. And I practiced it until I figured it out. But you also just mentioned, okay, this shift in seasons where these donkeys entered. God uses them to teach you a lesson. Not only that, but you've got two books written because of this.

Right.

I mean, that's unlikely. But this came also— you specifically said with Henry— in a season of transition. You know, your kids— you've been a mom, a working mom at times, stay-at-home mom, but you've been a mom. And you— I know how you feel about your children. Um, so as they have grown up and left, there's that season of transition. And I think anybody, even if they're, um, a mom who is wondering what happens when the kids leave, or if they're currently struggling with an empty nest, or any relationship that changes. Because, right, we really define ourselves, whether we know it or not, by the people who surround us. And when those people change, when— because they're no longer here, because they pass away, when there is a break in a marital relationship, when there is a breach in a friendship, when you move— who you are is defined by the that you love and how they love you, there can be a little bit of an identity crisis in there. I mean, right when Charis left home, I was not like grieved because I was an empty nester because I still had kids at home. I still have kids at home now. I've got, you know, a 27-year-old daughter, two grandkids, and I've got a 10-year-old. But I do remember when she left, I was lonely and I was lonely, right? All I was left with was boys, and they were small, smaller, right? But even my oldest son You know, boys don't talk like girls talk. And so I didn't realize when she left that my companion, my companion for watching American Idol on Tuesday nights and staying up late, ice cream and cookies, my friend who helped me in the kitchen, you know, who was a support to me, my driver. I mean, like just that personal shift in dynamics in our home, there was a loss there. And it took me a second to figure out like why I was so— I was in a funk. Right. Because I still had plenty to do. But I think this message of transitions and what the shift in people in our lives, how it changes us, is a lesson to learn. How has this shift of your kids leaving home— and I know you said to me one time, it's not just that they left and that they went to school, it's that they all left and got married. So for real, like, they had a whole other situation going on. How did that impact you?

Well, you know, I was so excited and looking forward to being an empty nester after I had like 26 years of being a mom. You know, you have these dreams, I'm gonna cook fancy dinners, we're gonna have dinner parties, we're gonna go out, we're gonna go to art museums, and I'm gonna start a whole nother career. And so I had all these dreams of how exciting my life was gonna be. And I just, the grief that I feel like I went through, was so unexpected. I just didn't expect the tears to fall when I watched that car drive down the driveway for the last time as my son headed off to college.

A little bit of relief.

You're like, "Oh!" Well, yeah, yeah, like, "Oh, I did it!" And, you know, and thank the Lord, my 3 kids are doing great. They're wonderful, and they are living fulfilling lives. And so I don't have the grief of them making poor decisions. So I'm really— I do feel very, very blessed in that way. But like you said, you know, the companionship and staying up late watching movies, eating quesadillas on the couch with my son, you know, those were some fun, fun times. And I was like, it was like I was watching all the fun going down the driveway as my last son left for college, you know. So, and I really did have to figure out like, okay, now I'm, I I am a mom still, but it's in a different role, in a different way. You know, I'm not telling kids what to do anymore, but maybe I can be an encouragement or be an adult friend or mentor with my daughters if they need my help or want my help. And I have grandkids now, so it's— I mean, it's like a major, major brain shift that goes on. And I think, you know, my takeaway is I thought that I could just step through a door and be in a new room, uh, and in a new space completely. I didn't realize that there's a long hallway between this room and the next room. So there is a transitional period that I've really learned that if you just lean into it and, and experience the transition, don't worry about the grief or the funk or whatever, but let go— just go ahead and let yourself feel that still looking forward to, you know, what will be one day. But I think that then when you do enter into that space where you feel comfortable in where you are, you can let all that other stuff go. So that transition may take you a while. You know, my son's been off and graduated and is now married like 6 or 7 years now, and I have to say it, you know, it took a few years for me to really just feel like I was getting my footing. And understanding who, you know, who I was and what this next season of life is supposed to look like.

Somebody is asking in our chat, is there anything that you feel like you can do to prepare or plan for seasons of transition? Like, I mean, I think half of the battle is that those seasons often are unexpected, right? Um, but is there anything that if somebody's looking forward to a specific season that they know is coming. Like, we know when they leave, they're supposed to leave, right?

Sometimes they come back.

I mean, sometimes they come back, but they're supposed to leave. You know, we know those transitions, but sometimes we know when a loved one is going to be gone, right? We don't. And so, um, is there anything that you feel like somebody can do to prepare themselves for seasons even that they know about specifically, like kids leaving, or even that they, they don't? How can we—

you know, I, I, I think that having a— reaching out and deepening your friendships is probably one of the best things that you can do. And I know sometimes it's hard. I, I realized that I had really neglected my friendships with other women because I was busy and I mean, who has time? You know, you see, you see, I mean, I guess I thought I had time. Who has time for that? You know, I'm going to hockey games and working.

I know, it's too much, you know.

And you know, and you feel like you're connecting with people all the time, and you are, but maybe not on that deeper level. I think it's just because I, I mistook busyness and being involved in church and seeing other parents at various activities with with friendships, and I realized that when those kids leave, a lot of those friendships also kind of leave. You know, those friendships kind of revolve around those activities, the youth groups, the choir, the sporting events, etc., etc., and things get very quiet. And so I am really grateful for friends like you, Chrystal Hurst, for Priscilla Hurst, for my neighbor Bridgette, just, you know, having some close friends that I know that I can pick up the phone and go, hey, I'm really struggling here. You know, and I can get a little pep talk or someone that will pray with me. Um, that, uh, those friends are really, really important to have. And I think if you— especially if you know a transition is coming, or even if one comes unexpectedly, you've got some relationships that you can fall back on. And then the other thing I would say is, um, is, you know, step outside of your comfort zone and do some things that you wouldn't ordinarily do or, or try. And, and my favorite is to just, um, go outside. Number one, be out in nature, take a walk, um, connect with God in his creation. You know, we're so busy in our inside, air-conditioned, in front of our screens that we're not connecting with God out in the creation that he's made and that he's put us in. And so that for me has been very, very transformative. And then the third thing is, is to try some creative outlets You know, you might not think that art is your thing, but try making something or, you know, doing a paint party with a friend or joining a writing group or, you know, or in some way finding something that some part of your brain that maybe has been put on the back burner that you've always thought, you know, I'd like to do that someday. You know, why not bring that up to the front burner and just begin to do something? Take a class or, you know, get online. Oh my goodness, there's master classes online. There's a academies and all kinds of things that you can do.

You can learn anything on YouTube.

You can learn anything on YouTube. Oh my goodness, I have spent many hours on YouTube in this past month just learning, learning, learning some art techniques. But you can learn anything— writing, uh, you know, horsemanship, donkey care. It's all there.

Well, you know, it's so funny. I told the boys, I was like, listen, you know, there's some time where we're going to veg out, whatever, but You know, there's also some time where, you know, you just need to, to be productive and learn. And I know we're not doing school because we homeschool the boys, but I'm like, listen, whatever you want to learn. Like, I have one right now, Rachel, and you'll know which one I'm talking about. He wants to learn knife throwing.

Yeah.

Yes.

You—

all I can see is you're not going to pay attention and one of those knives is going to go into one of my other children. Backs. That's all.

And I'm like, someone's eye is going to get poked out.

I keep thinking he's a boy. This is normal. He's like— I'm like, I don't, I don't even know what to do with this. But I'm thinking, you know, and I told him, I said, listen, I'm, I'm working on the whole idea, but in the meantime, get on YouTube and figure out how you're supposed to do it.

Yes, that's right. There's a whole world. You can probably subscribe to an a knife throwing channel, a knife throwing channel.

You probably can. You probably— and they probably have more subscribers than me.

Sad but true. That's sad.

Yeah, sad but true. I do want to put a little plug in here. I always put a link, guys, in the notes to the videos about how you can join, subscribe to not only the channel, which you can do that by clicking subscribe, subscribe and ringing the bell to make sure you get all the notifications. But there's always a link in the notes and I'll make sure we put that there of how you can subscribe subscribe to my email list. And, and here's, um, you know, one of the reasons, uh, why— there is a Facebook group. Um, it was a launch— the launch team for She's Still There, and then we opened it up so that anybody could be a part of it. And what we're building in there is community. There's actually over 2,000 women in there. And I hear a lot of women say, but I don't have friends. Now, I would challenge that. I would challenge you to figure out how to connect with people you work with, or the person who lives across the street or across the hallway if you're in an apartment, or to start the small group that you're not a part of. Like, I would challenge you in real life to develop and connect with friends. But there is, there's a lot of fun that comes from connecting with people online. And I know Rachel, you and I both experienced that where online friends become in real life friends.

Right.

You know, it can happen. So if you're looking for community, A, you can search on Facebook for She's Still There, that Facebook group, and B, you can also be sure and join my email list because we're always putting links to things that keep people connected when we send messages out. So if you're really desperate for even online community to start there, then check that out. She's still there, Facebook group on, on Facebook.

So I love that.

But I do want to double back and say real life people though, real life people.

Right, right. And I, you know, and I think about like, I think I make it harder than it has to be thinking like I need to, you know, I was brought up on on the old phones, you know, with the curly line that you didn't call.

You didn't—

No, I just got rid of my landline recently. So we're all cell phone now. But, you know, we— it was drilled into our heads that you got— if you had to make a phone call, you know, there's only one phone per family. So you got on, you stated your business and you got off. And so you never just called to shoot the breeze with your friends because your mom and dad were over there saying, get off the phone. So I, you know, I think I still kind of have that mentality that it's just hard for me to pick up the phone for no reason. I like, I have to have a purpose for the call, which is dumb. So this is what, you know, we can learn from our millennial kids. And they, you know, they can just, they can text and chat and do things. No, they don't. They text and do, you know, do different things. But, you know, the, all that to say is that You don't need a reason necessarily to, to reach out to a friend, but maybe doing something, um, like what Priscilla did when we first, um, were getting to know one another and first becoming friends. She would just call me and go, hey, you want to go see a movie? Or, I'm, I'm going to see a movie, would you like to come?

You don't—

no pressure, I'm going to go whether you come or not. Yeah. Um, but just let you— just to let you know, I'll be at the movie theater at this time.

And, and it was all you, and depend on you to go to the movies with her.

I know, I know. But that was exactly what I needed, like a no-pressure invitation, that there was nothing that, that I wasn't like, oh, this is scary, this, she's going to require too much of me, you know. But, um, but I could just show up and then go home when it was all over with and, and And over time, that's how a real, real friendship developed, and then how you and I connected. And it just has kind of grown from there. But something as simple as just an invitation of, hey, I'm going to see a movie, would you like to come along, is— can be really powerful. So I think that we, we overthink it. At least I do.

Yeah, I do too. And I always am thinking about what is this going to require of me? And I think— and I'm a I do love people, but because I'm in a season where I'm pouring out a lot, whether that's, you know, speaking or traveling or my kids, my husband, I just— I'm always— my husband will tell you, I used to run out of the house because I was so desperate for connection at home, and now I'm running into the house and I shut the door and I'm like, good night, I'll stay up, watch a movie, enjoy. I need a minute to myself. Yes, I need a minute to So I do think that, and that I like what you're saying about the movie. There are ways to minimize, and there are people I can call and I can say, hey, listen, I'm going to Starbucks to write. It'd be kind of cool. And, you know, like, if they're crafty, artistic, if they've got to do some work or whatever, they can sit across the table and work on their stuff. I can go to the table and work on my stuff. And then every now and then, you know, we may exchange a little a little something. But we both know there's no pressure. But it's still good to say, I saw you, I know how you're doing. You know, we have a little amicable chat before we dive in. And I'm learning how to invite myself and invite others into a no-pressure connection. But connection is still really important.

Yeah, yeah, I agree. So I think that's, you know, for any season of life, that's really important. But we are always going to go through transitions. So just about the time you think, oh, I got this now, I'm figuring it this out, you know, then things are, things are going to change somewhat, you know, a little bit. And those, and those friendships and those, those activities and things that, that you can do are just on a practical level can really make it a little bit easier when you know you've got a friend along.

There's one thing specifically about motherhood I want you to talk about, and I'll say what you said and then I'll let you elaborate. It was on a podcast that we did together. The season of shifting from active mothering, you know, just intense active mothering. And you said to me, but you still get to mother them. Because I think we think at 18 we run out of time. And while there are certain— a lot of things, certainly a lot of things that change when they leave, there are still connections that we get to make with our adult children. I mean, I just called my mother this morning. I was like, ah, I need to know how— with her illness, I'm acutely aware now. Yeah, these little things that I don't really need, like, on a hard way, you know. It's just, it's nice to be able to call my mom, um, right? Little things in life that I just know she knows, or I don't have to take the long route, she can give me the shortcut. So you still, you still get to mom. And I think in so many of our relationships, even when there's a transition there are some that, that stop, but there are many that we continue. We just continue them differently. It's not so much a loss of the whole thing, it's a loss of the way it was in one season.

Right.

I would love for you to talk about what you've discovered in the blessing of that in the season for you for motherhood, and also maybe some challenges of having to do it differently, because you know you can't tell your adult children the way you really want to tell them what to do.

Well, you know what, I think that the, the thing that we have to remember is that if we do, if we believe that, that God is actively interested in our lives and in our children's lives, he will see to it that they get to where they need to be in the timing that he wants them to be. So we can step back and don't, we don't have to micromanage our young adult children and our, and our adult children. Um, they don't need it, they don't want it. Um, if you are invited in or ask for advice, that's another thing. But we can trust that, that God is working in their lives in powerful ways, even if we can't see it, and even if we are not a part of that powerful way that he is working.

I'm supposed to be the cause and effect of everything good that happens in their life. Isn't that how— even though we don't want to say it, a lot of times that's how we feel. You know, it's like, this should have— especially, you know, me as a homeschool mom, I'm like, everything that's good in your life happens because of me. I mean, I have to really work on my mentality to release that. It's hard to release that.

Yeah, it is. But it's important, not only for your own mental health, but also for the health and well-being of your young adult. Children. They need to fall down sometimes. They need to fail. They may need to make decisions in which they gain wisdom from their own mistakes. You know, we want them to avoid the mistakes, and so we're giving them advice. We're telling them, do this, don't do that. You know, you shouldn't do this, you need to break up with it. You know, you're— you've got to step back and, and trust that the job that you did for 18 years that, that all that advice and that, that wisdom is going to come forth at the moment that they need it, or that the Holy Spirit is going to speak to them, or God is going to put people into their lives that will help direct them and help them make decisions. And it's hard to do that, but I think once you let go, there is such a freedom and a grace in that. And you can rest easy knowing that even if, if they are in a situation that you don't feel as healthy, or that is maybe even destructive, or that maybe they're not doing it the way that you would tell them to do it, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. You can just— you can pray and let God bring other people into their lives that, um, that can speak into their lives in ways that you can't. Because you know that— you know what it's like. There's a— you know, they don't want to hear it from Mom.

And even though everybody that they're listening to is saying what I already said, Well, of course, but that—

but you know what, and that takes humility. Yeah, you know, you can't go, "See, I told you." You just, you know, you know, just wipe that look off of your face and just go, "Wow, that's awesome," you know. Be an encourager in that way. And I think that those are ways that we can deepen our relationships with our— with our grown kids, because we all want to have good relationships with our kids and to their 20s and 30s and, and beyond, don't we? You know, and, and I think that we shoot ourselves in the foot by over-inserting ourselves into their lives when, when we're uninvited or unasked. When they do invite us in, great, wonderful. Be a charming, generous guest and love them in ways that, you know, these are your babies. They, they're grown up and look at them. I mean, they're They're amazing, really, aren't they? I mean, I love looking at my adult kids and seeing how they've grown up. And of course, as I'm seeing them, I'm also seeing their 2-year-old self, you know, in little diapers, kind of right in there, almost like there's a double image. And I'm loving, just loving seeing them living and working and being married and, and, and just contributing to the world and being mommies. And, you know, it's just, it's very very gratifying. And, and I think part of that is just stepping back and, and letting them become who they're supposed to be.

You know, I think one of the things that I, that I learned, and honestly is because I was tired, right? Okay, you learn lessons because you're just tired. But I was talking to Charis, she was asking me a question, and I, I just just didn't feel like explaining something that I'd already explained. I mean, I'd already said it and she knew it, and I knew she knew it. And so I asked her, um, what do you think you should do? Because I'm thinking, you know the answer. She hesitated a little bit and she is like, I don't know. And I said, yes you do. Just think, what do you believe in down deep that you should do? And the answer that she gave was an answer that didn't come from, "Well, Mom, you told me," but it was the right answer. And in that moment, I remember thinking, I've given her everything that I can give her. And at this point, not that I can't be helpful, not that I'm not here for wise counsel, but at this point, I don't have to feel the pressure that it all rests on me. And the truth is that it never does. But you know, because I'll call you still about what part of racism is. Priscilla and I talk about, well, you know, Rachel would say, you know, but I, you know, at that season again where I've got, you know, the oldest boy is, he'll be going into his junior year.

And I'm unbelievable.

I know, I know, unbelievable.

I can't believe what happened on the water in the canoe.

I mean, with the donkeys, it's just like, okay, I'm gonna launch another one. And there's a, there's a resurgent of familiar panic. Okay, have I done everything? Did I get it all in? Did I create the memories? Does he have everything he needs educationally? Like, I want him to be successful. And then I have to remind myself— I was even doing a podcast with Kevin Lehman, and he said to me, as I asked him a question, and he said, I feel like this is not a general question. I feel like you're asking me for you.

So, you know, he saw through it.

He saw through it. He's like, Mama, your son is 15. It's done. He said, I'm not saying that you're not helpful still and that you don't have a job to do.

Yeah.

He said, but what you're worried about, that's done.

Like, yeah, move on, move on.

And I was like, no, it's not. I mean, it's a hard realization to realize when the transition is happening and it involves you taking your hand off, right? You know, I even think that this idea of transitions. I mean, just even in my faith and realizing that I can pray till I'm blue in the face about something and I can't control it, you know, right? God is sovereign and some things are outside of my control. Or, you know, I can, I can do my, my doggoneest to work hard to make something happen, but something out of my control, and I have to trust that God knows doing, and that yes, he does partner with my efforts, but there's also work that only he could do, and I have to release the outcome. Right. That's been a challenge for me, I think, in my faith. I think we even want to have a sense of control, that if I study hard enough, pray hard enough, work hard enough, that there's an outcome that— yeah, I wouldn't say it, that God owes me, that's the feeling. So if it doesn't happen, it's like, God, how dare you? Like, how dare you not?

Right. I've done all this for you, and, you know, I've been faithful, and, and still you're not getting the answer or seeing the result. Um, I, you know, I think that, you know, that you mentioned that— that's one of the things that, um, that was a big part of writing Walking with Henry was, was, uh, coming to the realization that I I needed to connect with God in another way or in a deeper way or something. It just— what I had done in the past wasn't working for me. Or, you know, I think I had just thought about prayer as— I want to say I had thought about prayer as it, like, almost like it's all only spiritual warfare, which if you think about it, that's not prayer, is it? It's— or that's part of, maybe part of your spiritual life. But prayer is connecting with your Creator, connecting with God. It's not always coming with a petition, always coming with an asking, do this and do this and do this. And, and I realized that all of my prayers were about, uh, were, were— I was on repeat, Lord, thank you, thank you for this day, and thank you that you're a great God, and I ask that you do this for me and provide that for me and do this for that person. And it was all just one request after another, one request after another. And I really just got to a point where I was like, okay, I'm done. I got nothing. I don't even know what to pray anymore. And I had gone through a disappointing experience in which just really just left me with a lot of regret over things. That I had done or not done in life. Regret as a parent, regret in my career choices, regret with my spiritual life. I mean, it was just like, it was just like I was in one big, um, vortex of that I wasn't able to get out of. And somebody had suggested to me, um, that I, um, uh, pick up the Book of Common Prayer, which is a book that is, uh, prayers that the, that the church has used for literally hundreds of years. Prayers that's used in many denominations— the Episcopal Church, the Anglican Church, um, some denominational churches, Methodist, um, and some evangelical churches are now, you know, kind of rediscovering it. But these prayers are prayers of the saints that have carried them through all kinds of circumstances. And so I didn't really know how to use these prayers or how to how to pray a written prayer, but I found a couple that were just really, really beautiful, and I made them part of my daily prayer life. And it gave me the words and the language that I needed to just get back into that place where I could connect with God. And it ended up being just such a powerful, transformative experience. It was completely new to me. And, you know, maybe that's not something that interests people, but I think we've all been at a point where you're just like, "I got nothing, God. I can't pray anymore. I'm done here." And so for me, finding prayers and a liturgy that were already written out, that the words were beautiful, theologically sound and deep and wonderful, gave me a whole new vocabulary for connecting with God.

Well, you know, I think that we may think, okay, do I want to get a book about prayer? But listen, how is that any different than getting a Bible study, right? All you're doing is borrowing somebody else's work and saying, let me let what they studied help me learn more about God. Well, prayers are no different. Let me let the prayers that somebody else prayed help me learn, communicate, or, you know, infuse my communication with God. It's no different than singing songs in church. All you're doing is singing something that somebody in their time created to, to connect with a— with it— with— if it's a song that you sing in church to connect with God, if it's a song that you are just listening to on the radio while you work out, it's a song that somebody created and you're using that to heighten your current experience.

Right, right. I think that's a perfect analogy, Chrystal, because, you know, I was thinking, you know, I've had people, um, say to me, well, if you are praying a prayer that was written by somebody else, then it's not coming from your heart. And, you know, we go to church and we all sing a song. There's something that's really powerful about a whole congregation singing the same words and the same tune and all in one accord, singing songs that somebody else has written. You know, if we said, well, that's not really coming from your heart, everybody needs to just make up their own song, and then that's the only the only thing that God will bless. Prayer is the same way. And, and there's actually a daily office that people, millions upon millions of Christians around the world in all the different languages, are praying the exact same prayer, reading the same scriptures all together. And there's something that's really, really powerful. And for me, I just, I needed to let that stream, that river carrying me through a time when I was just tired of just swimming on my own, like I was just going under. I needed to get into a current that was already moving, and that's what the daily prayer practice did for me. And it, and it's— and it transformed my own, my own personal walk with, with the Lord.

Well, I think what's interesting too is we, we would not hesitate to agree that the Psalms, David's prayers, right? We pray those. I mean, you know, we do, you know. So I mean, I think we have to— there are things that are probably outside of our realization of. And so when we present it, and then it's like, what's that? But we do it in other, in other ways. Somebody's asking, is this Book of Common Prayer something you can find on Amazon? Like, is it an Amazon?

Yes, yes. So, uh, you can find it on Amazon. It's called The Book of Common Prayer. There's many different versions. I think the latest version is from 1979. The Anglican, you— version would probably be the one that you, that you would want. And, um, and I have a couple of those and they're absolutely wonderful. Um, they're full of different kinds of prayers for every different season. But what I have found the most useful is an app, the Book of Common Prayer app.

Oh, there's no—

yes, there's an app for that. Um, so my, my favorite, my favorite app is called My Daily Office, My Daily Office app. And, um, and it is kind of a shorter version, and it— and so it has like an opening prayer, there's always a prayer of confession, a confession of sin, there's always the Apostles' Creed or the Nicene Creed, which— how many of us know that, right? Listen, girl, but those—

until I took a seminary class class. And I was like, wait a minute, is this something that I was— because everybody else in the class didn't know what it was.

I was like, well, I think that we've, we've really— okay, this is my personal realization, and part of also what I wrote about in the book was just, was discovering about, you know, the richness of our faith that we, because we are in what we feel like is a really broad stream of evangelical churches, is really, really in reality quite narrow. But the church around the world and since the 3rd century has always had an affirmation of faith, which is the Apostles' Creed or the Nicene Creed. And it's, it's almost like finding the good bones of your faith. There's a lot of flesh and there's a lot of add things that we've added to it, but that boiled down is the very thing that unites us as believers. And when I discovered that, I was like, how How have I not— how am I not known about this? How is this not a part of my, my daily life or my— our spiritual walk? I, I felt kind of ripped off, like a little bit gypped, like other people know about this and, and I haven't. And so it was a huge blessing to make that part of my daily life. The Lord's Prayer is part of it, and then there's weekly, um, uh, verses and, and scriptures. There, there's a a Bible reading plan that goes along with it. So you are doing this with millions upon millions of other Christians around the world. And what I did is I began to take those prayers and I kind of created my own little liturgy. And I took my little donkey, Henry, and I was like, he needs to learn how to walk on the lead. And so I put a halter on him and clipped up his lead, and I was trying to teach him to walk on is that's the, that's the first thing that a donkey has to learn is you tell them, walk on, walk on, and then they're supposed to come along with you. Well, Henry, I don't know what his past was or what he, you know, what happened to him that would make him fearful to walk with me. But what he would do is he would begin to turn slowly, slowly, slowly until he was 180 degrees in the wrong direction with his back end facing forward, and then he walked backwards. Birds with me down the path in the pasture while I was trying to do my prayers. And I thought, you know, if that isn't a picture of me trying to walk with God, like, you know, like, God, I'm gonna— I'm okay, I'm willing to walk with you, but I'm gonna look back at where I've been, because I miss what's back there. And I'm afraid of what's in the future. And so I'm slowly putting a foot back and gingerly taking this step, walking with God. And, and Henry, after a few steps, he'll, he'll turn, and, and he still does this. He'll turn, and then he'll— then he's good to walk along with me and face forward into the path that's ahead of him. But, but to me, that's the absolute picture of where I was in my own spiritual walk, just afraid of moving forward with God, afraid of what I would be leaving behind, and, and so focused on, on the things of the past that I didn't turn and look fully into what God had for me. Me in the future down the path.

Well, I have to ask you this because I can see in the comments what is striking a nerve, and a lot of people grateful for this conversation on prayer. But you just mentioned being afraid to move forward, and that was around that time where you were also thinking back and thinking, okay, there, these are regrets. Can you speak to what it looks like to move past regret? Regret is such a heavy— it shakes you to the— you know, we get this one life. I always say life is not a rehearsal, you get this one life. So when you realize that the most precious thing you have, which is time, that you feel like you've not used it well, or had you known differently you would have done differently, or you did know differently and you still didn't do what you think you should, and there's nothing you can do to gain that back, right? It's gone, it's gone. And so for some people it's regret that they wasted time in a relationship or that they didn't do certain things in motherhood, and now that time is gone, or that there was a season where they could have built the career or followed the dream or chased that fire, and they didn't. And now the season is over. There are so many things we can't control, but especially for the things we feel like we could have done.

Right.

How do you— how have you dealt with that feeling of regret, that sense of regret? What has helped you to move past that?

Well, it's a great— you described it perfectly. It's hard to move beyond that. When you feel like you've made a poor decision or you haven't done things well. And I think that we, we place so much pressure on ourselves to do everything perfectly that if we mess up in one little area, that, that it's going to ruin, ruin our future, ruin our lives. Or, or, or maybe you have made a mistake or done something that has had lasting consequences on your life and you regret and wish you could go back and change that, that one thing that that you did or that you didn't do. And I get that. I, you know, I look back and there's some things I think, oh, if only I'd— if only I'd done this, if only I'd gone to college, if only I'd, you know, studied this, if only I had made a different decision. Um, and I— and, and that's one of the things that, that I think prevented me from really connecting with God on a deeper level. And that's where that— those written prayers really became important to me because I couldn't move on on my own, and I knew that I needed to pray. And so by faith, all I did was I just took those written prayers, my Daily Office app, and, and I just prayed them. I didn't make any big expectations. I just said, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna say them. I'm just gonna say these prayers. I'm gonna make them from my heart and do the best that I can. And one of the prayers that, that that pops up repeatedly that, that really became a friend of mine, a friend of mine, um, is a prayer that just, that says, um, you have, oh God, you have brought us in safety to this new day. Preserve us with your mighty power that we may not fall into sin or be overcome by adversity, but in all we do, that it, let it be for the fulfillment of your purposes. Through Jesus Christ our Lord, amen. Really simple prayer.

How many times have you said that prayer? Oh, because you have had it, you have it memorized.

I do have that, but it's only a few sentences. But I, but I— that comes to mind, that he's brought us in safety to this new day, that this day is where we are, this is all we have. Just preserve us from, from adversity, keep us from falling into sin, and let all we do be for the fulfillment of his purposes. And that, to me, in a nutshell, really helped pull me back from those regrets and looking backwards into saying, all right, I can't look too far into the future. I can't guess what that's going to be. I can't fix anything about the past, but I do have today. And so today I'm going to do my best to just, to just walk, take that next step, walk in the light that I have, and let God take care of the rest. And I think that's really the only thing that we can do. And there's a, there's a position of humility about that. That I think that is really powerful, that we think— I, I think that we've been, uh, we've heard a lot of the message that we've got to stand in authority and we've got to take this and we're going to fight the devil and we're going to, you know, go on and be victorious and all that. And all that is good, I'm not saying that it's not, but what it does do is that it kind of gives you a false sense of control, a false sense of that everything is dependent on you doing, you know, being that woman, that warrior, you know, whatever. And I think that God maybe is asking us to just sit in a place of humility that says, all right, I haven't done this perfectly. But even that, God can take those mistakes, he can take those regrets, he can take those wrong turns, he can take all of those things and make something really beautiful happen in the midst of all of that. We can trust that he can redeem all of that. He can build it into something that is so unexpected and, and so beautiful. And we can trust that he is working for our good, and he's working to— for you to flourish as an individual and as a person, no matter where you are in life. And that is, uh, I think, I think that is— that's the season that God has shown me, that He is for our flourishing. So it doesn't matter what's happened in the past. We have today. He's brought us safely here. We can trust him with the future.

That's so good. He is for us. I know, I think that the problem is that at the core of our struggle is whether or not we feel like we believe that or choose to believe that because of what we see. Or how we're experiencing our life. But even, you know, it's just— I always say Romans 8:28, you know, God wastes nothing, that all things work out for the good, you know, who love God. And if you believe that, um, then you just have to trust that even the stuff that looks like junk, he actually knows how to use that and make it useful and make it beautiful and give it back to you in a way that gives him glory and works out for for your good. And I'm grateful that you are allowing, um, your story with your life and your donkeys. And I mean, just to admit, I've had some regrets and I was struggling to talk to God. I mean, that's— yeah, huge.

Well, for me, you know, I, I grew up in a Christian home. I've been involved in church all of my life. And to come to a point where I just felt like I couldn't go any further. I was stuck. I put everything on the table. I'm going to— okay, Jesus, I believe in Jesus. Everything else is on the table. I'm going to look at it all. And it is very humbling to be at that place because I've been a leader, I'm a writer, a speaker, and to be in a place of total and complete humility and humbleness to admit that I really don't have all the answers, and I don't know, I don't get this, I don't get this life and what we're supposed to be about. And so I'm gonna start at zero and start with the Apostles' Creed and figure out, okay, saying this creed, these are the things I believe. If I call myself a Christian, I believe. And that, you know, in God the Father Almighty, I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord. You know, I believe that all, you know, these, these are the basic things, and then start from there. So for me, I had to really strip out a lot of the extra stuff that, that had become, uh, in, in my own mind, in my own heart, they had become almost more important than Jesus. You know, I had to do my devotions in a certain way. I had to go to a certain church. I had to sing certain songs. Had to do things a certain way. And, and once I kind of stepped back from that and realized that, that the body of Christ is a multicolorful, wide world of people who worship God in, in many different, in many different forms, in many different denominations, in many different ways, whether they sing out of a hymn book or, or use, you know, screens, or if things look very formal, or very, you know, sitting around a campfire. All of those are expressions of faith, and there's a wide— there's a place for each of us. And, um, so for me, I had to make some changes in my own personal, um, place of worship and, and in the way, um, and I feel like that those are things that are really meaningful. I don't know where, where it will be in the future, but for right now, um, that's where God has met me and he's had me. And, and I think that if if there's anybody that is also in that place, that, that maybe it's okay just to sit down and just go, God, take me back to the very basics and let's start there. And then just see what he does. You might be surprised.

That's so good. We have to give ourselves permission to start again. And whether that's starting again because of a transition in life, unexpected or expected, or whether it's starting again because what we thought we knew we don't actually know the way we thought, or it's not actually working for us the way it always has. We have to give ourselves permission to start again, and it doesn't matter if that happens when you're 20 or when you're senior 60. You always say, as long as we have breath, we have the opportunity to choose to live, and it doesn't matter what life we've lived before that.

Yeah, I love that. So good.

Well, thank you so much for joining me, Rachel. And I just want to say before we finish our call, I want to make sure that everybody knows how to find you. You mentioned your most recent book, Walking with Henry, and correct anything that I say that's incorrect. I know that you can buy that book most places books are sold, but you can also go to Rachel's site. It's rachelannridge.com/henry. And not only can you look at getting the book, but some goodies that come with that, like a signed bookplate and a stamp with her signature, a frameable Lord's Prayer, some other printable prayers. I know we talked a lot about prayer today. So buy it from anywhere, but if you want the goodies, you can go straight to Rachel's spot and get it and get the book there with other things. Where can everybody find you on social media and online?

Oh, Rachel Anne Ridge is the best way. You know, it's on Instagram, Rachel Rachel Anne Ridge on Twitter and on Facebook and, and all of those places. I mean, I think if you just go to my website, all those links are there and they can, they can find me there. I would love to connect with you. And, um, just, uh, I have just so enjoyed where this journey has taken me and, uh, in the ways that, that God has just in, in his own kind of funny, unique way, um, used the most unexpected means to really deep in my own walk. And as I have shared that, the, these donkey stories that have gone, you know, far and wide, I've just found that there's, uh, people's hearts are open to a cute story that, um, you know, maybe they wouldn't be open to in any other way. So, uh, God is, um, I don't know, he's always up to something good.

He is. And I want to mention again, if you're watching this video, if somebody shared it with you, if you stumbled upon it and you like this content. I do a lot of this kind of thing here, just talking to you directly myself or interviewing friends. The whole goal is to help you live moments that matter because this life is not a dress rehearsal. Be sure and subscribe to the channel and make sure you ring the bell so that anytime I put up new material, new content, that you'll be notified. And one other little thing I want to mention, I mentioned in the middle of our conversation about about the Facebook group. If you search for She's Still There, um, on Facebook, you'll, you'll find it. I'm starting next week, we're actually doing a 28-day prayer journey together in the group. So there are lots of tools that are available to you. Um, I actually wrote this little book, I self-published it. It's 28 Days of Prayer: A Guide to Daily Prayer.

I love that.

Yeah. And I just like 28 days on Instagram a few years ago, I was like, I need to consistently pray. And then I just took content and put it into a book. So you can find that on Amazon, you can find it on my site by going to chrystalevanshurst.com/prayerjourney. There's a free 5-day journey there, and then you can also check out getting the book from me if you want a signed copy, or you can grab it from Amazon, that's fine. But if you want to do prayer in community, we're starting that in the Facebook group Monday, June 17th, 2019. Because if you watch this video a year from now, we might be doing something different as a group. Listen, you guys, I love Rachel. And Rachel, you need to know, I was on your street a couple days ago because there's a house across the street for sale.

I know it.

So I'm thinking about coming back that way. We'll see.

Oh, come on. Well, next time you're on my street, come knock on my door.

And you know what? Chrystal Hurst called me because she said you should stop by Rachel's house. I was like, girl, I had the boys with me and Jesse with me, and I was like, we're not just gonna roll up.

Can we play with you?

Here we are, girl.

You know you always can. All right, well then I'm going to pray over that house that's across the street. Maybe that'll be—

there's a couple of—

I know, right?

I know, I missed that street. I missed that street. So we make—

I know, I miss you.

I miss you being there and the warm chocolate chip cookies and the good conversations. Listen, I still have my rocking chairs on my back porch.

All right.

Only person that's been. And then if you're going to come again, I need a 5-minute heads up so I can wipe them down.

I'll even bring some iced tea.

Bring the tea. I'll clean the chairs.

Okay.

Finish our conversation.

That sounds good.

Our in-real-life conversation. All right. Love you so much. And listen, girls or guys, whoever ends up watching this video, you can make it through transitions. You can reconnect with God. And no matter what you regret, it's never too late to start again. This has been a pleasure to see you today, those of you who are live, and for those of you who come later, I hope that you're encouraged by this. And Rachel, it's been my pleasure to have you here with me.

Ah, thanks so much. I loved it. Thanks.