S 2 Episode 10: Celebrating She's Still There

I am sitting here with my sister circle. Yeah, one of my most important ones. And this is my sister, my only sister Priscilla, and my mother Lois, and my oldest daughter Charis. And we're here because we're gonna celebrate just for a few minutes the two 2-year-old birthday of She's Still There. I know, it's exciting.

It's 2 years.

Wow.

And she's still here.

She's still here.

Yes, barely.

Sometimes by the thin bone.

No, you're not.

Yes. Okay, I am today, barely here. That's okay. Yes. To be honest, you have days like that, right?

Yeah.

So, but the good thing about having days where you're just kind of like, wow, okay, wait, am I still here? Is that when you have the benefit of women in your life who say, "Yes, you're still here.

You're still here.

Let me remind you of that." And what I wanted to do today is just to have my mom, my sister, and my daughter maybe share a "She's Still There" story, something from the last couple of years that maybe has made you go, "You know what? Wait, am I here? Is this my life?" And then what you've learned, maybe what hope that you've gained, what encouragement you might be able to share to someone else. Who, despite all the things that they know and all the things that are good that they can see, those moments still come. They still come. So, Karris, I'll start with you. What has been a she's still there moment for you?

I think the most recent she's still there moment that I had was shopping. I love shopping.

And that's why you're really my daughter. Nobody told you? We've been keeping a secret from you, Karris.

I knew it. I knew it. But yeah, I was shopping and going to all my favorite stores and I found myself getting the largest size and going into the fitting room and not being able to fit into the largest size of the store. And it just like really threw me. And I was like, what? I can't fit in like the largest size in the store anymore? Like that just woke me up. Yeah.

That's the store you wanted to shop in.

Yeah. It's like, this is unacceptable. Like what happened? How did I get to this point? And so That was probably the biggest moment that I was like, okay, I haven't just gained a couple extra pounds. I can't fit not only into the clothes in my closet, but into the clothes in the store that are the biggest size. And so for me, that really woke me up. And even from then, it was a journey of like, okay, now I know, I was awake to that fact, but then I was like, okay, now what do I do? I was so far removed from doing the right thing that I was like, how do I even get back to that? And so even that was a journey, like realizing, oh, like my kids and my husband, like those are just excuses. Like, that's not why I'm fat right now. Like, I blamed it on that. Like, oh, I'm busy. Oh, my kids are— I'm tired. I just need to rest and not work out whenever I have the free time. Like, oh, that's just an excuse. Like, the real problem is I am I have blinded myself to seeing the stronghold that's in my life just because it's easy. And so that just really woke— that moment woke me up to that. And I think from there, it was like a lot of other moments that were like, oh, being tired is an excuse. Everybody has kids. And look at this fit woman, and she has 5 kids. That can't be my excuse anymore. And just lots of little things. So yeah, I mean, since then I've lost 30 pounds. Yeah.

So that's good.

It's still going.

Because you know what? It's one thing to have the revelation day. It's another thing to actually walk out in the days that follow an actual process to make the change. And that takes bravery and courage that a lot of people, they just don't ever get to the next step. So good for you.

Yeah.

Good for you.

What about you, Chrystal Hurst? I think a moment for me recently, even recently, has been our oldest two boys are teenagers now. And it's been hard for me because there's layers of the reasons why. One of them has been a little bit of that detaching where your boys start to detach and they really become Dad's kind of on his hip. And so that happens some in figuring out as a mom how to do that healthfully where you're releasing them but you're still their parent. So that, but it's been a little bit disappointing too because You wake up one day and you realize you're losing this vision of what your family was supposed to be in terms of the time you were going to be spending together because they're teenagers now. So that's not as important to them as maybe it used to be. The dynamics that now you have to fight for sitting around the table is not important to anybody. That's me. Everybody else would just watch TV and eat dinner. You know what I'm saying? So I've had to regroup and two different levels, adjust my expectations. Because sometimes I think you have a vision for what your family is going to look like, and then you can either be frustrated that the reality is different, or you can adjust— not lower, but you're adjusting your expectations because you have the spouse that you have who has the priorities that they have. And they're not worse, they're just different than what you thought your family was going to be, or your teenagers would like or be interested in. So I've had to just get back to the table and adjust my expectations. But the second layer of that has been I've had to recalculate and reaffirm the things that actually still are important to me, write those down, and then figure out how to still make those happen within the new dynamic of this season. And some of those things that were important, they dropped down to the bottom of the list for this season. It's okay, we get back to that another time. Um, and maybe I'll get back to those one with my grandkids one day, you know what I mean? And that's okay, it's a new season. But I think it took a minute for me to sort of decide I'm not going to be frustrated and angsty and, you know, miscon— you know, just, just totally out of whack because everything is not the way in a lot of ways that I would prefer for it to be. But I am going to reevaluate what are the priorities that still are important because she's still there. So there are things that are important to me about the way I'm raising my kids and the kind of marriage me and Jerry have. And the time I want to have for my own health, like you're talking about, Karris, our own health and sanity and all those things, and just readjusting those things and finding them again and writing them down and then saying, okay, what do I have to do to make these things happen?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Recalibration. Yeah. It's a part of life. And you're right. If you try to hold on to what you were going to do, then you'll constantly be living in a state of disappointment and you don't have to live that way. You can reprioritize and recalibrate.

And even me and Jerry, Tomorrow actually will be our 20— or 2 days from now will be our 20th anniversary, and we've had to have a couple of really hard, good conversations like, what do you need now? This is 20 years ago we got married. That's not yesterday.

Yeah, I'm old.

You old.

I'm 27.

I am not old.

Right.

Help me do the math on that because It's a wonderful thing.

Don't figure.

Anyway. But it's like we honor each other by saying, what is it that actually you need now? The way I loved you 10 years ago, well, it just might not speak love to you now, you know. And what I need now is not the same thing. And so are we going to just live in a state of yesterday and what happened, what was okay when we were 3 years in, or are we going to have honest conversations? This is working for me, this isn't. So let's recalibrate so we can be happy in the next decade, you know, in the next 20 years.

That's good.

What about you, Ma?

I think you said it, you know, just a recalibration right now, readjusting right now of my whole life because of my health challenge, because I was pretty independent. You know, I'm now having to depend on, which is beautiful though, depend on my children and granddaughter and husband for lifting a bag sometimes. And so that has been different for me, and I've had to do what you said, summarize what you— Priscilla was saying, you summarized it so well— of having to just live in a new norm. And some— I have to literally talk to myself, you have people that want to help you, let them help you.

Yeah.

Because again, I was so independent. I also have to tell myself that this did not surprise the Lord. He knew it was coming, and the adjustments I'm having to make, he wants me to make. So every day when I get up, I have to talk to myself, depending on how I feel. Some days I could do a lot more than other days, you know, and the days that I can do a lot, I still have to tell myself, don't use all your energy up today. So I'm recalibrating my life. So not every day is good for me. As it relates to adjusting to that, because as I said, I was independent and could get to the grocery store and do what I need to do and just at a drop of a hat because the kids aren't home anymore, you know. It is a new season for me, but now you actually have to call people to help you and things like that. So it's been different, but what's kept me going in the times that I'm like, "Oh my goodness, I've got to call somebody again," is literally saying in my brain, "This is not a surprise to God." Yeah. So he wants you in this season, a season that nobody wants, a season of, um, health challenges. But there's some lessons he wants me to learn.

Yeah.

And I'm like you said, am I going to miss the lessons and stay in yesteryear?

Yeah.

Or am I going to adjust to the lessons so this season could be over real quick? My husband talks about testing in life. You better do the test and get the test over with when he sends it to you because he's gonna keep you there until you pass the test. So all those types of things goes through my mind right now in this health season in my life. And then, so I pretty much talk myself through the new change and I'm beginning to, if I can use this term, it sounds a little off, but enjoy the fact that he chose to give me a rest period. Because our life— our lives are full and we love our life. We love doing ministry. We love our life traveling. Somebody just asked, you know, how do you all do all this stuff? We just do it because we're called and we're driven and we're— it's our purpose. And, and this is what God's called us. We just keep going and going and traveling and traveling. So every now and then I sit down in my chair, you guys call it, and say, wow, take a deep breath. He wants you to rest.

Mm-hmm.

This is not the way I would have chosen to tell the Lord to take me through the season of resting, but this is what he did. And then a lot of scriptures helped me. So if you don't mind me just reading James 1:3, be assured that the testing of your faith through experience produces endurance, leading to spiritual maturity and inner peace. So literally I have to, repeat scriptures, I literally have to look in the mirror and talk to myself, even if it's through tears, that this did not slip through his fingers. It purposely came through his fingers, and I don't want to miss the lessons, although it's not where I want to be. That's what I have to share.

Yeah, that's so good. I think that if I could just kind of summarize one of the things that we all said, or my sister circle here all said, is that life will change. And if you end up in a moment that feels like that, that feels like an am I still here, is this the way it was supposed to go, this is not what I anticipated, the key is not to let that stump you or keep you from even moving forward. You make adjustments, you recalibrate, and then you say, you know what, thank you God for the opportunity to shift my mindset. Have you ever looked at a woman your age, younger than you, your same age or beyond, and thought, how did she get that wisdom? How did she get that faith? How did she get that strength of character? It's probably because she had or has had more than a few moments where she said, wait a minute, is this how this is supposed to be? Is this what I was intending to happen? And when she realized that it wasn't, she adjusted, she recalibrated, and then she thanked God for the opportunity to grow. So if you're in the middle of a she's still there moment, I just want to encourage you that we all have them and that we will have them more than once. But what will matter at the end of your life is when they come, whether or not you're willing to have the strength of mind to say, I'll adjust, I'll recalibrate, and thank you, God, for the opportunity to to still be here and to grow. So thank y'all for joining me to celebrate second birthday. She's Still There. Yes. And if you'd have no idea what we're talking about, She's Still There, you can get it anywhere books are sold. That's for you, grown woman. And then for your teenager, Show Up for Your Life, same material, same message. If you have a daughter, you can do it together. We hope that you show up for your life, because if you're still breathing, the girl in you, she is Still there.

Amen.

Bye.

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