S 2 Episode 4: Lisa Harper - Hope and Redemption

I already feel like I'm gonna cry! No, no— Turn it off before you make me cry!

We'll start out, we'll start out with laughter.

Okay good.

Y'all if you do not know who this woman is, this is Lisa D Harper. You gotta know that the "D" is important. Is it important?

Well okay because she's on social media. Yeah well there is a Lisa Harper I think who's very attractive who takes naked pictures of herself. Pictures with Santa. That is not me.

It could be though.

Well, I probably wouldn't put them on social media if I had some husband who dressed like Santa.

But listen, y'all, she— you need to know who she is. You need to follow her because one, she'll make you laugh. Two, after she has you dying and doubling over with laughter, then she's going to slap you with the word of God in the most positive way ever. And then just looking at your Just Instagram alone, there's joy. Not just the happy part, not just the laughter, but—

and y'all already know Chrystal exaggerates, so you know she's making half of this up.

No, y'all know I tell you the truth. I may exaggerate a little bit, but it's underscored by major truth.

Gracious, gracious.

So I just want to say, I love learning from you.

I love learning from you too.

Okay, for real, mutual, for real. Like your happy book, what's the official name of it?

The Sacrament of Happy.

The Sacrament of Happy. Because don't sleep, she's not just talking about happiness, she's got She's got like theology degrees and she's about to start, or you've already started your doctorate. So she's gonna preach theology, have you laughing, and then be real.

I should have paid you for this.

Listen, because— listen, God gracious. No, you shouldn't have paid me. I've been blessed by— I call it the happy book. When I'm telling people about your book, I say, Lisa Harper has written a happy book.

But you need to go get it. But just to slay you so many times, people don't think being a Christ follower, we miss the joy. It's like, he is not a unibrow like me.

We're gonna be blessed, but we can't be happy.

That's right, that's right. Doesn't it drive you crazy? We hyper-spiritualize everything, and that's not even what he said. But anyway.

But you embody it too. So here's my question for you, one of the questions that I want to ask you. I've heard you speak in person at least twice when you've said you've been through menopause twice.

Yeah, yeah. Can you explain that? I know, everybody thinks I'm telling a tale. I had gone— I'm 55— I had gone completely through menopause, like the whole nine yards, before I started the adoption process. And when I started the adoption process, the very first time I went to Haiti, you know, I lost two adoptions. When I started the adoption process with Missy, my little girl, who is my daughter but she's from Haiti, very first time I went to Haiti, that gift came back. And I thought, wow, this is just Menopause is a gift, y'all. No, no, no, the thing, the opposite of menopause came back and I didn't have any treats in my purse and I was like, yeah, in Haiti, 115 degrees and the treat comes back. So it was exciting and I thought, well, maybe I was just under so much stress, maybe, maybe. Well, it happened twice, 2 different trips to Haiti. So I go to my lady parts doctor and I was like, okay, I've been in menopause for a year and a half, like I went through all that, sweat like a pig, you know, I've been through all that. And he did some tests, and my gynecologist is a believer, and he said, "Lisa, most people don't know this," he said, "but they've actually written papers on it that oftentimes postmenopausal women who adopt, the estrogen kicks back up in their body, sending them back into regular cycles." And he said, "You know, it's really like, it's a miracle. God knows you're about to be Missy's mother even though you're not having her in your body." He said, "That's a way that you're being prepared to be a mother." He said, "It's a miracle." And I was like, in a horrible kind of way.

In a cruel joke kind of way.

So I literally went into—

God is like, "I love you." I know.

So I went into this whole second menopause because I went into regular cycles for a while during the adoption process. And second menopause has been much more colorful than the first, but it's just a trip to me, because when you really do focus on the fact that in the sovereignty of God, He knew I was going to be a mama. And so, you know, in the same way He redeemed— I don't want to be as old as Sarah and have kids, but He redeemed her body. I think there is something to that. Not for everybody.

Yeah.

But it— I thought, how sweet of the Lord. So I didn't, I didn't love the way it worked out in my body. I do love the, the idea of Him redeeming me so I could be a mama.

Okay, so I'm a premenopausal woman. I always joke with Charis.

I'm so sorry.

Listen, I always joke with Charis, my daughter, because I'm like, you know, I could have another one if I want to. She's of the opinion that since she started, I should be done.

Right.

Because just the idea—

I know a lot of daughters who are like that.

Yeah, she's like, no, it's my turn. Right. Like, the shower should be for me and all the things.

But it's sweet to me, the few women I know that started really early and then they and they have a baby and their daughter has a baby, it can be really sick or really cool.

Either one. I'm curious to know, because the point of this, part of the point is to just be super practical. God's women can talk about practical stuff. What counsel would you give to whoever's watching, but really to me? What, if there were 1, 2, or 3 things that you were like, you need to know, like this will help you if you know this. —like going into menopause, like when I start to see the signs that it's happening, what do I need to do?

Okay, here's some practical things.

I feel like God gave you an opportunity to learn some wisdom.

Here's some practical things. Don't be keeping your pride shield up, because I meet women who suffered for like 2 years because they just didn't want to talk about it. They're like, "Well, that's inappropriate, talk about it." I'm like, "Well, at least talk to your doctor." Talk to your doctor. I chose, and there's a lot of people I don't have any strong feelings one way or the other, but I chose not to do hormones just because of some issues in our family. I chose not to do anything that wasn't completely extracurricular. I didn't do any extracurricular. I'm not so sure I would take that route again, to be very frank with you. So twice you chose not to? Twice I chose not to. And I go to a super conservative doctor and I really kind of follow doctor's orders, so to speak. And I didn't have any real problems. Problems. But I was uncomfortable for years because I'm always hot, and I don't mean that in like the, you know, Drake kind of way. I mean just physically, I feel like every room is an oven. You don't always have to be miserable depending on what your doctor says. I would say this is a real, just basic practical thing. If you do have heat issues, um, get the— they have these mattresses now and pillows that, that stay cool. They're cooling. I'm telling you, saved my life. I mean, kept me from cussing.

Are these just for the— for the Tempur-Pedic mattresses or any mattresses?

No, any mattress.

And I've seen that with the Tempur-Pedic.

I have a pillow, I can't remember where I got it from. I haven't used the mattress. I used one and then I'm just ticky about sleep. But my pillow, my pillow is like it just came out of the freezer. So look for a cooling pillow if you struggle with, if you struggle with that, which most women do. Most women do. And then just know that you're not crazy, because I think, what is wrong with me? All of a sudden I feel like I'm a teenager in that my emotions skewed too high or too low. Okay. And when I realized, all right, this is not my heart, this is hormones, um, you just have to give yourself some grace because typically you will skew high or low. With your hormones. And when you realize this isn't forever, this is for a short period of time, if you choose not to do anything hormonal or anything, any medical intervention, then you've got to have some friends around you who knew you before and will tell you you're not crazy. It's menopause, you're not crazy. And you're not going to stay this way. And then I— this sounds cheesy, but I really start to practice deep breathing. Because I'm a menopausal, old menopausal, new mama, relatively new mom. And so I really want to be patient and kind. And there's times when you're sweating, the sweat's trickling down your back and going into your nether regions that you're like, "I don't feel patient. I'm mad. My emotions are up here." And I just started deep breathing because I have a Christian counselor who said, "Lisa, if you will 10 times breathe in through your nose and think, 'Shh,' I'm breathing in God's peace. I'm exhaling anxiety. She said, if you'll do that 10 times, it will at least stop your mind from going to a negative place. It will at least kind of give the Holy Spirit time to put his hands on the side of your face and recalibrate your attention. And I started deep breathing, and I do it now all the time when I feel myself starting to skew too high, or I'm gonna yell. I don't want to be a yeller. Yeah, I'll breathe deeply, I'll think, okay, Lord, settle my spirit, and I'll kind of come back down to here. So it's not, it's not horrible, but it is a thing.

It is a thing.

I used to think women were making it up. I was like, you're just being a baby, right?

You're using this as an excuse to act crazy. That's right.

But when I, before I had a child, and moms who didn't work outside the home would say, I'm so tired, I'd be like, From doing what?

Yeah, I'd be like, "What are you doing?

I mean, how hard could it be?" And then I brought Missy home, was like, "Oh my goodness, I'm tired to the marrow of my bones.

Never have a minute to myself.

You know, laundry, couldn't just—" Menopause is kind of like that. It's a thing, but it doesn't have to overwhelm you.

Well, that's good practical wisdom. So you are a single mom. Yep.

That's good, it's hot. This is so good.

This is like, by choice adoption. Yeah. But you walked because you— Missy's been home with you now for 4 years, is that right? 4 and a half years. Okay. So for basically, you were 50 then? Yep.

When you adopted her? Brought her home when I was 50, started the process when I was 47. Okay.

So you've walked the road of I want to be married. I want to have kids. Yeah. And it's not happening. Yeah. So Before we get to Missy part of life, yeah, what would you say to women who are single who don't want to be, whether it's they never married, yeah, or married? And then for the women who really have wanted to have children, and in your words, because this is what you always say, you know, their eggs are drying up, or have dried up like raisins.

Yes. Okay, yeah.

So what wisdom as a woman who has lived single, never married, no biological children. What would you say to her? That she gets the whole scripture that people throw at her, you know, you can do more for God, you know, as a single woman, go out there. But the reality is, is she's kind of like, it's hard. Yeah, like this. Yeah, why me? Why did I have to be the single girl?

I'll tell you what changed my life dramatically, because I'm single even still now, but I was single my 20s and 30s because I was so broken. As I love that you always talk about who we are in Him, you know, she's still there. My she was so broken by abuse and some sexual molestation that I quite frankly didn't really want to marry. So I would say I wanted to marry because I didn't want to get hurt.

Okay, because not because you were broken and you didn't want to enter broken into a marriage, you were like, this was protective mechanism.

I was gonna say, I don't think that I was that mature. Yeah, I wasn't that deep. I just— there were some men I trusted where that trust was violated in very abusive ways when I was younger. So when I got older, it was, mm, I'll pretend, but I'm not gonna go there. Now, I wanted to be married in that I wanted the companionship, I wanted children, I wanted the romance. I did want it, but I'd get close to it and go, oh, I can't go there, because I dated some really lovely men who would have been good, godly husbands, but I just couldn't go there. I wasn't mature enough. I was more drawn to either abusive or emotionally absent men. So when I'd get close, I got close to marrying a few times, I just couldn't pull the trigger because I was so scared. And so I'm a slow learner. God had to— took a long time.

He has me on repeat.

Man, took me a long time to— and I don't mean I do this 100% of the time. I think we're always in active places of redemption. But it took me a long time to truly believe that God loves me. I thought He tolerated me. I knew He'd saved me. I thought He saved me. And I would never say this. I went to seminary, memorized the Greek and Hebrew, or tried to, about His love, about our atonement. But emotionally, theologically, cognitively, I believe God loved me.

Emotionally, it wasn't passing through your neck.

No, because I was just scared and still so wounded. And so when he healed kind of the deepest toxic relational roots of my life, I was in my 40s, and I didn't— it wasn't this trajectory of, oh, I'm single, I'm going to get a kid. It was Well, I'm never going to get to be a mom because I was so broken during the years that I could have been married and had my own children. So I've just basically sabotaged that. So I'm just going to run toward Jesus, and whatever he has for me is going to be good because Psalm 84:11, "No good thing does he withhold from him whose walk is upright or her who regularly stumbles," is how I paraphrase it. And it wasn't until I was at a women's conference, and a woman talked about adoption, and she talked about the fact that we have almost 150 million orphans in the world as we know it today, many of whom will die before they even pass through childhood, usually right in infancy, because of really preventable things like malaria and having access to clean water. And I can still remember Chrystal Hurst sitting at that women's conference. I was sitting in the back of the room. I had gone to this breakout session because I thought it was on missions. I love foreign missions. And then she starts talking about adoption. I'm like, I didn't know that was even what she was going to talk about. But God just arrested me, and I was so struck by that. And I thought, Lord, I didn't even know I could adopt because I'm single. Yeah. And I've heard a lot of— they would let me, right? And some people won't, and for good reason. But I heard a lot of people say, well, you can't adopt as a be single, because you'll be thwarting God's will. So, I mean, I wrestled with this for a long, long time, went to counsel, went to pastoral counsel, and I just couldn't let go the idea that there are millions of children who will die if somebody doesn't step into the process. So, I, I, it took a long time, but after a lot of prayerful counsel, I went to an adoption agency and said, I don't want to kid who has a shot at a mom and a dad, but if y'all come across a situation where a child will, will die or would otherwise, you know, languish in an orphanage if somebody didn't step up to the plate, I'd love to be considered in that situation. Because God's best, of course, would be that every kid has an intact family, has a mom and a dad loving them well. That's not reality, you know, even in America America, I was just reading this report that said 1 out of 3, 1 out of 3 kids are fatherless. This is in America. In America. The huge majority of— I read another study on fatherlessness recently. The huge majority of the horrible shootings we've seen in our country over the last 24 months, huge majority, we're talking 90% of the shooters did not have a father in their home. And I'm not saying fatherlessness always leads to violence or poverty, but there are certainly some statistics from people outside the faith who go, "There is a real negative impact of kids who are not well-loved by both a mother and a father." But I thought, you know, there's some kids who don't have either. And if there's a child who doesn't have a shot at any kind of family, I'll step in the gap. And of course my hope is, and that happened with Missy, my little girl was dying, there was nobody to take her in Haiti, and they actually told me not to adopt Missy because she probably wouldn't make it back to the States, she was so sick. As many times as you've told this story— It slays me every time.

As many times as you've told this story.

Yeah. Sometimes I just still am undone by the miracle that He redeemed just the stupid, prideful, broken places in me to get me to a soft enough point to want to be a mama, to not be so scared about being hurt. And then the fact that He lets me be her mom, and the fact that Missy didn't die, and that she is so healthy now, by the grace of God. The whole thing is— I feel it's so grace. I never feel like I deserve it. But the fact that He didn't— He didn't do it scowling. It wasn't— I didn't get the booby prize. You know, if I had gotten married and gotten pregnant, I can't imagine a daughter more for me than missing. So the fact that He didn't let me miss it, even though I was so fearful, it still slays me. Sorry.

Would you still like to be married? I would.

I absolutely would. It's not a— God just smacked me recently about this issue because, you know who Rita Springer is. Yep. I had told Rita that I was just— had been so content the last few years, and, and I, I had prefaced it by saying, if it's God's will, I want to be married. And she said, Lisa, I keep hearing you say you're content. I was like, I have. I've just been so content the last few years. And she said, you know, when did God tell you to lay down the hope of marriage? And I was like— because she will read— oh, she will read your mail. And I was like, And she said, "He didn't tell me." And she said, "I think you're calling contentment laying down hope." And she said—

'Cause it's easier to lay down hope than to keep hoping.

Yeah, hoped for makes the heart sick. And she said, "Unless God tells you to lay that down," she said, "you may need to carry the hope of marriage as a burden for a while." I was like, "Ted Kimmen, I'm gonna punch you in the throat." Oh my gosh. But it made me say— 'cause normally I would have I prefaced that with, "If it's God's will." Now I'm like, "Of course it would be God's good pleasure to give Missy a daddy and to give me a man who would love us. Of course, if because of the fallenness of— not fallenness, you know what I'm trying to say, the brokenness." Yes, in this world. I was going to say fallenness. The brokenness in this world and because of the consequences of my own poor decisions when I was younger, if I don't get married, God will be enough for us as a father to fatherless and a husband to the husbandless. However, if I'm wise enough and humble enough to step into what God has for us, heck yeah, I would love to be married. It is not a focal point, so I'm not gunning for a husband. I'm gunning to have my— every single emotional need I have met by God.

But at some point you've decided to to pick back up your hope.

I've decided to pick back up my hope, and I realized— this is probably too much for your audience, can I go to a real deep place for just a second? Please, please do it. This is partly caffeine and partly insomnia. No, I realized there was some sexual molestation when I was younger, I've already said that. And I realized, I mean, I got whapped upside the head. I'm 55, still learning new truth. I realized, goodness gracious, I all too often associate romance with rape, because I was raped when I was younger. And to realize, my goodness, I know better than that. I know that's not my God. My God is the one who breathes a man to look at a woman and say, "I love her." But because it was so perverted in my backstory, when I saw that, it's just been a few months ago, I just went, "Oh, Lord Jesus, I'm so sorry," because I was afraid there. Now I'm comfortable I'll go with a guy who is not real into me. But if a guy leans into me and begins to woo me, I immediately feel myself not trust that. And to realize, Lord, that's been broken in me for 40 years. For 40 years, somewhere in my crooked little heart, I've associated romance with rape. So I feel like I just kind of went through a period where there was some healing, where I didn't even know I needed healing. And so now I'm like, Lord, I'm still a little bit scared, but you know, part of faith is doing it scared. It's just like, if you have a man for me, I wanna live with my heart wide open, trusting you with it. If another person hurts me, even hurts me really badly, I'd rather be hurt than be hard. Wow. Wow. Sorry, you may need to edit some of that.

No, no, no, because I think what I'm hearing for the woman who does not have children or is not in a marriage is, first of all—

I forgot to answer that.

No, no, you answered it. You answered it. Let me tell you what you said. You said, first of all, if you put the hope on the back burner, yeah, believe that God is good enough for you to be honest about your hope, right, and let him take care of whether or not he fulfills it. And in the meantime, that God can be enough That's right. And then to be honest about how your hurts have maybe put you in a position where you're not willing to accept things that maybe God wants to give.

Yes, that is what I believe. That is exactly what I believe. I like the way you said putting your hope on a back burner and having the trust in God to go, "I'm gonna make it a front burner issue again." Trusting you with whether or not— I used to say, Missy deserves a daddy, because she does, and some man would be so stinkin' blessed to have my kid as a daughter. I've begun to believe I deserve a husband who would love me well too. But that's, you know, I'm still in process on that.

Listen, because believing that it's okay for us to deserve—

Right. Because of who I am and who Yes. Not because of any smart thing I've ever done, but just going deep.

Well, because we're so the opposite. We start dismissing our wants, our desires, and our dreams because of an issue of worthiness.

Exactly. And that's where I've been. I mean, I lived there for a long, long time, and I could believe it for everybody else. I can believe— I mean, I would be all up in some of my little sister's business to say, "Oh baby, you're You've got to see yourself the way God sees you. It is much easier for me to teach it than it is for me to live it.

Of course, it is for all of us. Yeah. I will let you share however much you want to share or not, but here's the question, 'cause I know a little bit of the backstory here, but here's the question. The question is, tell me about your experience being a white mom who's an adoptive mom of a Black daughter.

I can't say African American because she's not African American. She's Haitian American.

She's Haitian, right. So what has that been like for you? Because we don't want to see color, but color is— God sees color.

Oh, I love color. Color is beautiful. I think my daughter is the most beautiful color of of skin God ever made skin. And I know that's biased, but goodness gracious, if I could— the other day we were talking about our favorite colors, and she was telling me what she knew to be true of me, and I was telling her what I knew to be true of her. She said, "Your name is Lisa Diane Harper. You are 55 years old. Your birthday is August 18th." I said, "Or 24th." Like, it was hilarious, but she was real proud of saying all the things she knew about me. And she said, "And your favorite color—" And then Chrystal Hurst— I swear she did this, it was about the sweetest thing, sweetest moment this last season— she went, "Your favorite color is me." And I said, "You're right, baby." I said, "Your skin is my favorite color." I didn't adopt Missy because she's Haitian American. I adopted her because that's— because God put us together. The fact that she's is Haitian American. I'm so proud. I love that my baby is Haitian. I love that her skin is brown. We have received some less than favorable responses from all different ethnicities, kind of, so racism exists in any color, in any form. We live in Tennessee, just about 30 miles north of where the KKK was founded. Oh, fun. So we've had, I mean, I probably only had her home for a couple of weeks. We were walking down, you've been on Main Street in Franklin, it's beautiful. This is quintessential small town, so lovely. And we're walking and I'm so proud, you know, you've seen me with Missy. Whenever I'm with Missy, I feel like I almost strut. I'm so proud to be her mom. And this gentleman, older gentleman, was walking toward us and I'm starting to lose my distance vision, so I thought he was grinning. I'm thinking, of course everybody would grin when they see this kid, she's so beautiful. And so I'm grinning back, and it's not until he gets about 10 feet away that I realize he's not grinning, he's grimacing, he's kind of scowling. And he spit on the ground in front of us and said, "That's disgusting," and then called us both filthy names when he walked past. And I was so stunned, you know, I just, I thought, why would that be your response? But we've had that. I had to say sell one of my motorcycles because I had a sidecar. One of my motorcycles, just catch that. I have a different one now, but I had a motorcycle with a sidecar. Missy loves motorcycles, that's the main form of transportation in Haiti, and I love to ride. And so I had this Honda with a sidecar, it was so awesome, you know, with the glass thing that comes up over and she had the little goggles. But we had these guys, they did it twice, guys in a blue truck flyin' a red Rebel flag, run us off the road, throw Coke cans at us, and call us names because I'm white and she's brown. And I sold that because it's a fiberglass sidecar, and I thought these foolish, you know, 18, 19-year-old rednecks run us off the road would think it's funny, but if I had a 4x4 mailbox post out in the country, it's gonna kill my kids. So we've just, we've seen some really ugly things on this end, and you know, Chrystal, I'd give anything if I could shrug out of my skin and look like my kid, but I don't. And what they don't know is how often we go back to Haiti and how I've reconnected Missy with her extended family, but there's some very real issues about the fact that I'm white and my baby's brown for the world, not so much for us. We've talked about it a lot. Missy knows that, um, that's one of the things that grieves me is I wish people looked at us and immediately knew I was her mommy. She knows it bugs me when the flight attendant looks at the brown woman next to Missy. If Missy's in the middle and I'm in the aisle seat, they look to the brown woman and go, make sure you put this on your child. It's all I do not to go, "I'm her mama! I am her mama!" I mean, so there's times I get bugged and then I go, you know, most profound thing happened recently. She came home from school and she said, "Mama," they were doing a lesson on Martin Luther King, and she said, "Mama, they killed that Dr. King 'cause he was brown." And I said, "Yeah, baby, they did." And she said, "Mama, some people won't like me 'cause I'm brown." And I said, "Baby, some people won't." I said, "Some people have really little hearts because they have really little lives." And I said, "But you know what we do in those situations?" And I was going to say, "We trust that God protects us, that he's our front guard and our rear guard." And I was gonna explain, we trust in God as our daddy, he'll protect us. And she went, "Yes, ma'am, we help their hearts get bigger." And I was like, well, yeah, that too. But I thought, as long as my child has hope and believes that people can change— and I do believe most people can. Most people, even people in my own family, my own family weren't so sure about me adopting Missy because of her skin color. And they have fallen in love with my kid because they don't— 'Cause I see her heart. My little brother, he's a good man. He's a quintessential Southern boy. Loves to hunt, loves to fish. And he had a Rebel flag on his bumper. When everything kicked up a few years ago, my brother called me and he said, "Lisa, you know, the Rebel flag has never stood for racism for me." And he's not racist.

I think there's things you don't even realize how it Yeah, it's like I have a good friend that had a Confederate flag hanging in her bedroom. She was like, should I take this down? I was like, uh, well, I know you would, uh.

That's kind of how my little brother was. He was pretty innocent and he was never in your face, never unkind, but he said to me, this stands for kind of the integrity of the South in the Civil War. And I'm like, he has kind of fantasized about that, and both sides had a whole lack of integrity. But anyway, he said, I just want you to know I hadn't said a word to him. He said, "I just want you to know, I pulled that sticker off my car because I love Missy." And he said, "And I wouldn't want anybody to think that I judge people based on their ethnicity, and a sticker ain't worth that for me, and I love my niece." So I think most people, even if there's latent prejudice, most people when they meet somebody that they thought they were prejudiced against and they love them, they're like, Oh my goodness, I was so wrong. I hope our story helps some people grow and some people heal. But there's times, there are times when it breaks my heart. I can handle you throwing shade my way of us being a biracial family. You throw shade on my kid and I want to cut you.

Just don't do it. Don't do it. Because you're a Bible teacher, you can't go around cutting people.

Yeah, probably not, but I want to. What do you— it's, it's, to answer your question succinctly, I believe there's a lot of redemption in it. Some days it's really hard, some days it breaks my heart. That's real talk.

Yeah, it's real talk. You have made Missy an author because y'all have a book called Who's Your Daddy?

Who's Your Daddy? Can you believe they let me keep the title?

Listen, listen, well, that's great. That book is, um, Well, tell everybody what that book is about.

It's about, well, my publisher, you and I have similar publishers. Yeah. And I love 'em, love 'em so much, LifeWay, Broadman Holman. But they asked me if I would write a children's book, and I said, "I'm not gonna write a children's book." You're like, "That's not my thing." I said, "I can barely write big people books." And they said, "No, we want you to write a children's book." They said, "Do you have any ideas?" And I said, "Nope, really just one." I said, "It's autobiographical." And so I explained about this conversation we had when a little boy in Missy's kindergarten class, he was not being ugly, they were having Parents' Day at school and he had seen me around school, he had never seen Missy's dad. And so he just asked her in class, "Who's your daddy?" Just like, "Who are you gonna bring to Parents' Day?" And when she came out of the carpool line that day out to my car, she just looked like she was wearing the weight of the world on her shoulders. And she got in the car and told me their conversation and I said, "Well, baby, I said, "What did you say?" And she said, "I told him I didn't have a daddy." And you might as well have stabbed me with an ice pick. And I thought for a while, we were driving, and we've talked about this a lot, but that day it wounded her. And I said, "Baby, you do have a daddy." I said, "You just don't have a daddy with skin on." And so we ended up having this conversation about skin daddies and Daddy God and how how awesome it is if you get a skin daddy. But sometimes skin daddies leave, or sometimes skin mommies leave, and as awesome as they are, skin daddies and skin mommies aren't perfect. But God is our perfect Daddy who never leaves us and never forsakes us. And so that little conversation with her has turned into a book called Who's Your Daddy?

That's great. I've seen it. It's beautiful. Beautiful. I have it. The artist did a good job. Great job. Great job. I got to ask you this one more question before we wind this up because you were on a plane. You just told me earlier today 60 out of the last 70 you've been traveling. You're a single mom, but you're always busy. Now I know balance is a huge conversation, but if there were one thing that you could say to women who are doing their best, moms or not, single parents or not, but it's just a lot going on. Yeah, yeah. What would you say to just not keeping balance? Because we know we don't find it and keep it, right? You think you're supposed to find it and keep it, that's a lie, right? But kind of returning to it and finding this equilibrium.

Yeah, with life, I would say balance is overrated. Prioritization is key. Yeah, so if you're doing what God's called you to do, there's gonna be seasons of ebb and seasons of flow. This for us is a season of We are running as hard as we can run, and God has given us the grace for that. Now, over the next— when I come back after Thanksgiving, we're going to London next week for a church event. But over Christmas, I've got 3 weeks at home.

Yeah, well, you're not doing anything.

Oh, we're just— I'm studying, and that's all.

Yeah, you're studying because you're working on your doctorate.

But, but I feel like a failure. But it's what— you are amazing. I also have one child, but you where there's times that we run real hard and there's times that we rest real hard. And I'd say, and this may sound Hallmark-cardish, but I mean it, if you're in Christ and you're doing your best, your best is enough. Your best is enough. I think the godliest thing I learned to do when I brought Missy home is when I went to the school parties, I stopped by Kroger. Listen. The best cookies ever. Because I'm like, I'm sorry, I do not have time to make all this gluten-free, paleo, all kind of stuff. I'm gonna pick it up and it's gonna be awesome, but I don't have time to make it. Now, I cook maybe 2 nights a week because I'm busy, but I order some darn good food for my kid. So press in in the places where you have capacity, and the places where you don't have capacity, just trust God's gonna cover that for this season. Next season I'll have more capacity in that area, and maybe this ball I get to let, you know, set down. So don't worry so much about what you can't do, just do what you can well and with your whole heart.

That's good. That's good wisdom. Thanks for joining me.

You know I love being with you. I know I love being with you, even though you make me cry. I'm sorry, I have that gift.