Self Care Summer Edition
Chrystal Hurst shares why self-care doesn't come naturally to her and how small, intentional actions prevent burnout as life speeds up. She breaks it into three pillars: feeding the soul through rituals and connection, the mind through learning and gratitude, and the body through movement and sleep.
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Hello, my name is Chrystal Hurst, and I'm so glad that you're joining me here. I want to talk today about self-care. It's the summertime if you're watching this during the summer of 2021. And so what does self-care look like now? A year kind of sort of post-pandemic, kind of sort of not really. And we're all still trying to figure out what in the world do we do to care for us? There was lots of conversation last year as I was going live during the pandemic, at the beginning of it, about exactly what we need to do to care for us. But now that the world is starting to open up slowly, how does that change? What does that mean? What do you do? And it's a good time to revisit how to take care of you, and I can't wait to talk about that. I want to say first that I record these videos live every week on a Monday morning with my membership called the Inner Circle. If you would like to join me for that, I would love for you to join me for that. And you can join me by going to chrystalevanshurst.com/innercircle and know that your membership helps to contribute to this content continuing to come your way. And then all the things, all the things, you know, the mic, the cameras, the tripods, all the things that are required for me to continue coming live and to have for you to hear me and for you to see me and for people not to get mad at me because my video is blurry. And then my computer's too loud. You should see the things people email me about. But anyway, if you'd like to join me, we'd love to have you. Also, if you're watching this on Facebook or YouTube, then I want to encourage you to like this video, share this video, and then make sure you're subscribed to my YouTube channel or that you're following me on my Facebook page so that anytime I go live or share videos like this, that you will see them. But I want to make sure that you hear from me about taking care of you. And here's what I want to tell you and be honest about upfront, y'all. Self-care is not my natural MO. It's not. Like, I literally enjoy working, working, like checking things off the box, like moving things forward, accomplishment. It just, it makes my heart sing. And slowing down to do the things that feed other parts of me is not actually something that comes natural. Now, I'm a sucker for a good massage. I mean, I, I believe in a massage, but then I've had to learn to make time for that. Um, I don't mind getting my nails and toes done, but to be honest, can I just tell you that having my hands still for somebody to work on them is horrible? It's like, you want me to not use my hands for 30 minutes? Don't you know what I could do with my hands in 30 minutes? Computer. Doing my toes, that's okay, but you know, it also requires me to go sit somewhere, and then I'm picky. I know how I want them done, so then if they don't do them right, then I'm trying to tell the little lady, no, that's not done. No, I need another coat right there. And then it just I do it myself. And then I never do it. So I have to tell you that this summer self-care edition, uh, is coming to you from someone who has to really be intentional and think to be intentional about taking care of myself. Um, I forget to drink enough water. I forget some mornings to make my tea. I forget, or I will say I'm going to go for the walk after I check my email and then I never go for the walk, or I've got the spin bike now that I love, but then I have to make time to ride it. These are these little little things that I struggle with, because as much as self-care is important and I'm going to champion self-care for you, can I just tell you that I don't always champion self-care for me? And so this is me being honest with you about some things that I'm having to remember in this season, because here's what I'm learning about where we are right now in the midst, midst of kind of sort of post but not really pandemic, is that the world, as it starts to open up, is speeding up And because we slowed all the way down, y'all, we are out of breath. And we are all trying to figure out what does it mean to thrive in this season? Because we learned to move slower, we learned to be alone, we learned to sleep more, we learned to do some things we love, to reach out with people that we needed to connect to. We learned to read, we finished the degrees, we took time to switch careers, we got unemployed for a while and were scared to death, but also appreciated the downtime. Like the whole world changed and now it's changing back. It's kind of changing back and leaping forward all at the same time, because some things will never be the same again. There are churches that never streamed ever. And now they don't know how they're going to not stream anymore because we're all used to being able to watch our church services when we're at home. So now churches are going back, but here's why it's speeding up. Cause now those churches have to be online. And in person. They didn't have enough staff for that. Don't ask me how I know. So the reality is, as our kids go back to playing their sports, or they go back to school, or you go back to the office, and now you have to deal with traffic again— you haven't dealt with traffic in a whole year— or now that you have to get dressed and none of your clothes fit, that's stressful. Stressful. Busting out of my clothes from last year like a can of biscuits. And we're trying to decide how do we maintain a level of self-care and a pace that we can sustain while getting back to the life, the life that we, the life that we love, some of the life that we've missed, and the life that we want to be intentional about living right now. So I want to talk to you about self-care because if you have room to take care of yourself yourself, okay? That can help you combat the return to the hamster wheel. And some of us know we were on a hamster wheel. We were. And we learned during COVID that slow, slow is good. Slow can be good. So if you can make room for thinking about how you can take care of you in this season— and seasons of life change— and if you can think about what you're going to do to maintain or hold on to rhythms that serve you well, then you can be more of you and the best of you in this new season as we move forward in 2021 and on into the fall. You have an opportunity right now. I want you to hear me and hear me clearly. You have an opportunity right now to not get sucked into the vortex of busy. Don't miss the opportunity. So these tips for self-care, or these challenges for self-care, are designed to get you to think about what you're going to hold on to, maintain, or adopt going into the summer, and not letting the summer run away with you. Okay, so the first thing that you need to do is you think about how to take care of yourself this summer is to identify the things that bring you peace. So how do you identify the things that bring you peace? The first thing is you need to set limits. You need to set limits on and boundaries on your life, because in order to even know what the things are that bring you peace, you have to have room to test them out, room to do things that bring your heart joy, that make your heart sing, that make you smile. And that means you have to set limits on your time, not only to do those things, but also to figure out what those things even are. Uh, you have to think, what are the pastimes, the things that I did when I had time before? So maybe you're thinking back to your childhood or your teenage years. Maybe you're thinking back to your 20s when you had more disposable time before kids or before you got this latest stressful job. Or for many of us, it's thinking back, making time, setting limits, and, and, uh, a boundary on our current time to process what did we do when the world shut down? What did we find our way into that was soothing? So I don't know how far back you're going to have to go, but I do know that you're going to have to create a boundary in your right now to go back to discover what you need to inject in your right now. And then going forward, you're going to have to set limits too on your time to make room for them. That's how you have peace and keep peace, is to make space for peace in your life. The second thing is you want to find a relaxation technique that works for you. When I find my anxiety rising, which sometimes it does because we live in a stressful world, you have to know what brings you back to a state of equilibrium. Equilibrium. So for me, it is literally being still. Being still. My MO when I get frustrated and stressed is I move faster. So one of the ways that I know that I can bring my level of stress down and take care of myself and self, self-soothe is stillness, like sitting in my car, laying down in my bed, locking myself away in a closet and just sitting there. No motion, nothing to do, nothing to work out. Self-care for me is not only setting limits on what I'm not gonna do and making room for what I am gonna do, but when life happens, doing nothing, being still, or checking out and doing something in my life that brings stillness to my soul. Playing the piano is one of those things for me. I can sit down at the piano, There are songs that I've been playing since I was, you know, 15 that I can still play, that I still have committed to memory this day. And sitting down, going back in time and playing a Bach two-part invention or praise and worship song stills me. It stills my soul. So in order for you to identify the things that bring you peace, know that you need to set limits on your time and a boundary to create space to think about it. Then you need to create space and boundaries around your time to do it. Two, you need to know what stills your soul so that you can figure out what is the anxiety, what is the stress, so that you can self-soothe, so that you are able to determine what is it that's thrown you into a panic attack, for you to talk yourself down from a ledge, for you to pray locking yourself in a closet, for you to Know you. I'm amazed at how many times I'm not taking care of myself because no matter what I need, I just keep going and I don't even stop to pay attention to whatever it is that I need. Stillness. There's room for you to find peace in the stillness. Then when you get to the place where you're trying to figure out in the sea of all the things that are causing you stress and anxiety, another way that you can think about taking care of yourself is to focus your attention on what you can control. Okay, when we had Snowmageddon here in Texas and our pipes burst, we still have holes in our wall and a wood floor that is totally a disaster, waiting on the company that's going to help us after they get through all the rest of them. We're patiently waiting our turn. But during Snowmageddon, when we had no heat, there was snow outside, and that meant I couldn't cook, and it was a little stressful because we're in the house, we can't really get out, the ice on the streets. It's a whole thing. What could I control? Well, I don't have heat, but I had hot dogs. And even though my kids were complaining about how they were hungry and how they were cold and I couldn't fix some of those things, here's what I could do. We started a fire and I put hot dogs on a stick that we got from outside and burned to sterilize it. We stuck the hot dog on there and we cooked hot dogs. What could I control? The fact that I had something for them to eat during Snowmageddon, the fact that I had fire to cook it, and the fact that I had sticks outside that we could stick the hot dog bottom— hot dog on in order to put it on the bun. A lot of things I couldn't control, a lot of things that were stressful. We had a generator, we didn't know how to work it. So for 2 days we were trying to make the generator work. And then the last day we got it working and then we didn't need it anymore because the energy and the electricity came back on. But In the midst of all the things that I could not do and could not fix, I found a modicum of peace finding the one thing that I could control. You may not be able to control your wildin' out kids, but you can control the atmosphere in your home in which they get to live in and the atmosphere that feeds your soul, even though you have a crazy teenager, or maybe you have a crazy marriage and there are a lot of things that you can't control, but you can, um, make sure that you've got some time by yourself in a room or in a closet or in prayer, or leave to go to a book club or go to Panera and write in your journal, or you find your way to the things that you can control. Taking care of yourself and knowing what brings you peace means you have to set aside the time to do it. It means you have to know how to calm yourself down and relax and do something that you enjoy. And it also means that you have to focus your attention on what you can control in a sea of things in which you can't. How do you intentionally build yourself up and, uh, build in self-care amidst a busy schedule, making time for self-care, not only identifying what brings you peace, but making time for self-care. So the first thing is you don't have to take a whole weekend away at the spa on the other side of your city in order to take care of yourself. Let's redefine what self-care is and how much time it takes for you to do it. So think about this first, break it up. You don't need to spend several uninterrupted hours per day on yourself. That's not self-care. Self-care is a few minutes in the morning or a few minutes before you go to bed or a few minutes with the closed door while you sit on the toilet and read a magazine, even though you're not going to the bathroom, or it is taking a shower that's a little longer than normal. I mean, for some reason the people understand you gotta use the restroom and you need privacy in there. It's putting a lock on your door. I have a room in my house that did not have a lock. I put a lock on it. You do have to make time to exercise, to get outside, to get some fresh air, to go to the gym, whatever it is that your cuppa tea is. Making time to exercise is super important. Um, and it's not always convenient, but here's what I can guarantee. Once you make the decision to start taking care of you, it can become a part of your rhythm and routine, and it becomes a non-negotiable after a while. I don't know that many of you are in life situations where maybe it's not as easy for you to get out of the house by yourself, but even if you have to take your kids with you and get out in the street and go for a walk or a run, y'all can do Couch to 5K together. All that requires are tennis shoes and a trip outdoors. So I know that making time for you is hard sometimes, but there are creative ways that you can um, get outside. I actually like, like to ride my bike, and my kids, I made sure that all their bikes were working. It was a whole summer project, and we cleaned the gears and all that. And I was like, y'all, let's go riding. And they're like, are you serious? And every time we go bike riding, there's a little bit of complaining that they do. I don't care. We're going out for a family bike ride. In fact, we're overdue, so I think it's about time. And then not only that, but it gives me the beautiful view, which also setting sun Feeds my soul. So have intentional— intentionality in building in self-care time in the midst of a busy schedule. Break it up, find little time throughout your day. Make time to exercise. Movement changes your moods. It feeds your serotonin and your dopamine levels, which— that's a mood booster. Choose something you enjoy. Walk, run, ride your bike. And then another thing I'm in high favor of doing regularly is dancing. I will turn up the music loud and just go to it. And then every now and then I find a funny app that can help me dance better than I actually do. People actually thought that was me dancing. And I was like, "Heh, think it's me? It's not." Come on, break it down, girl. Break it down. Break it down. Woo! And then lastly, find time to laugh. Seriously, you may have to force it by watching a comedy video. You have to force it by spending time with that one friend who makes you laugh. You may have to force it by watching funny cat videos on YouTube or Instagram. But literally, if you need to laugh, search a hashtag funny video and then just— it will, it will brighten your mood. That's self-care too. You heard the saying a million times, laughter is good medicine. It's true, but you have to make the time to say, "I haven't laughed in a while. What can I do that will make me smile and put a little laughter deep down in my bones?" So we've talked about what you can do that will bring you peace. We've talked about what you can do to make room for self-care in the midst of a busy schedule. Now I want to ask you about how you can love yourself. And here's where the meat of what I want to talk about is. Let me give you some practical ideas that you can take away with, first of all. So the first thing is you need to feed your soul. We're not just a singular one-dimensional creature. We are mind, spirit, soul, and body, right? So the first thing is think about feeding your soul because all— so many things come out of who you are and come out of the fullness of yourself as a person. Go on a date night with yourself, light a candle, put on your music, read a book, go out, stay in, go out, get the food, have the food delivered to you. Write your thoughts in a journal, um, because getting your thoughts out is self-care. You're telling yourself you're worth paying attention to. Go on a coffee date with a friend. Talk to someone who inspires you, even if they talk a lot. Just hang on the phone and say, you know, how's it going? What are you learning? I just want to just listen. What's going on with you? And just listen, and maybe their upness will rub off on you. Spend time with someone you love. Just go and sit in their presence. You don't have to have a plan. Just go sit with them, watch TV with them, spend time with them. Volunteer in your community. All of these are things that will feed you. It'll make you feel like you're a better person. It'll make you feel connected to your community and the people that you love. It will give you the opportunity to do something for someone else. Being with someone that you love and spending time with them, maybe it's not about you, it's totally about them. Giving to someone who can't give anything back to you. I mean, these are things that while they are simple, they are life-changing. So I have a thing about candles. I also have a thing about a diffuser, but I'm a sucker for a great candle. And literally, when I walk in my home, if a candle is going, it is— it just sets the mood. It's like walking into a coffee shop and the coffee smell just sets the mood. Figure out what other 5 senses— you know, part of feeding your soul is figuring out what in your sphere of your 5 senses actually speaks to you. So for me, it's smell, right? It's also sound, music. It's also texture. I want to always dress and feel like I'm in pajamas. It is what it is. So know what speaks to you and put more of that in your environment. It'll feed your soul. All right, so how can we feed our minds? Uh, learning how to cook a new dish, being in the kitchen, and yes, cooking, But while it can feed the soul and feed the body, doing something new, trying a recipe you've never tried, following along with a cooking show that you have on replay, this actually is feeding your mind. It's teaching you how to nurture your body, learning more about health and wellness and discovering what MCT or MTC or ashwagandha, all these things that the inner circle are teaching me about collagen and bullet coffee and All these things. An alternative to dairy. I mean, like, these are the things we talk about in the, in the inner circle in the morning time. It's like, how many different ways can we make our coffee healthy? But the point is, what can you do to develop your health and your wellness, whether that's reading books or taking a class or learning from someone who's further along than you? Reading a book, book, book, read, read. Leaders read. Learners read, read, read, read. And there's no excuse for this now. You can get an Audible account and listen if you're more of an audio processor. Go to the library, download books with the Kindle. There's no reason not to read. And as much as I love podcasts and videos, there is a transmission of the information that you don't grab a hold of the same when you're watching it and when you're hearing it as when you read it, because you process it differently. So read, listen to a podcast, yes. Declutter a room or a workspace because that will clear your mind. Write a letter to yourself or to a friend, or develop a pen pal that somebody that you know in another state who wants to get mail besides bills. Don't we all want to get mail besides bills? Write a letter, process your thoughts on paper. Keep up with a list of reasons you're grateful. Anne Voskamp's book A Thousand Gifts talks about this, how your decision to be grateful every day is a gift to you. Feed your mind. Take a class at a community college, buy a course online, binge on YouTube videos not just for entertainment but to learn. Teach yourself Excel or YouTube or video editing, or maybe you want to teach yourself how to speed read. I don't know, y'all. Google is a whole situation. Anything that you want to learn and do and grow is taking care of you because you're building into you. And what you want to learn and what you want to get better at and, and what you want to do. So feed your soul, feed your mind, and then feed your body. So physical— I know we've already talked about exercise, but it doesn't just shift your mindset and shift the way you feel down deep in your soul. We already know that it totally changes the way you feel in your body, like physically. You get your body moving, you get your blood moving, and listen, You can combine the movement, the dancing and the exercise if you like. And again, take your kids and make them a part of it. Uh, we were out there, we were sharing, uh, I had music playing. They were not happy with me that day. I didn't care. I didn't care because it makes all of us feel better. I literally can tell my sons, cause boys need motion, that when I can tell they're a little off their rocker, with their hormones because I don't care what anybody says, boys have periods too. They just don't bleed. I think men have menopause. It's called a midlife crisis. It's all, it's the same, y'all. It's the same. I don't know why women get a bad rap just because, you know, ours has a physical representation. But anyway, I look at my men and they need to do something like they need to move. And I look at young, my young men, and when they start getting a little crazy with me and I look at them and I want to, like, you know, you know, let them have it. You know what I do instead? I'm like, you know what you need, son? Go for a run. Go for a mile. I'll see you when you get back. Something changes, not only in their phys— their physical engagement in their life shifts. It shifts their mindset and it shifts their soul. They worked off their steam. So literally going for a 30-minute walk, an hour if you can, making that a part. Find somebody in your neighborhood Who wants to go walking with you? Get sunlight. One of my boys doesn't want to be in the sun. I'm like, go outside and get some vitamin D, it's good for you, you need it. Take a power nap. I hate power naps, I hate them, because all I want to do is sleep more. But I have to tell you that a power nap can shift your whole life in 15 minutes. Make sure you're getting enough sleep during the night. Make sure you get your hair done every now and then. Let somebody else rub on your scalp. I was going to the Drybar, uh, when I needed my hair done every now and then. And whenever I would go, I would add the scalp massage. Yes. Spend 10 extra minutes rubbing my head. Do you, do you know? I mean, like the science of the chemistry of what happens in your body with touch. So yes, get your feet rubbed on. Yes. Get the massage. Yes. Have somebody wash your hair. Or let your kids for free play in your hair. Tell a sister or a friend, girl, I'll, I'll play in your hair if you'll play in mine, because there's— or massage your head. You may ask your husband to massage your head. He may think that that leads to other things. You may have to clarify that up front, but ask him. There is something that releases in your body with physical touch. Make room for that. Sing in the shower. When you are physically involved, like your voice, there's freedom and healing in the release of your voice. I'm sure that there's something scientific around that. I don't have the science to research it, but I've had the experience to prove that it's true. Sing. Get in the car, put the windows down, and sing your favorite songs as loud as you can. You will shift your physical chemical makeup, you will shift your mindset, and you will fill your soul. So move, move. So what does it look like to love yourself? Feed your soul. What do you love? Feed your mind. What can you learn? Feed your body. I haven't talked about food because I don't want to talk about food, but I will say as well, when you shift your diet, what you think may be wrong with your soul and you think might be wrong with your mind may actually be tied to your nutrition. And feeding your body physically shifts those other areas as well. Here's what I want you to remember. I want you to remember to do more of what sets your soul on fire. Do more of what sets your soul on fire. Your choice to take care of your temple shows that you have an appreciation for how very precious you are. If you're watching on YouTube, there will be links to other resources, other times that I've talked about self-care so that you are able to take care of you. Okay. So now I hope that's been helpful. And I hope out of this video, you have one thing that you can do today. And one thing that you, um, can make a part of your life on a regular basis. In fact, I'd love to hear more about that in the comments. So wherever you're watching, tell me in the comments, which of these suggestions either resonated most with you, that was something that you're going to start doing, or maybe it's something that you've already been doing but you are glad to know that it is feeding you and taking care of you. You ultimately— I know God is real and I know he can take care of you, and I know that the people in your life love you, but here's the thing: you are the only person who is with you all of the time, and that means that you are the best person to know what the girl in you needs. You are the person who can be the most quickly responsible for what she needs. So you need to know what she needs, you need to decide that you care about her, and then you need to do what it takes to take care of yourself. I hope you enjoyed this video. I hope it was helpful. And if it was, don't forget to share it and let somebody that you know be encouraged too. I'll see you here next week, and don't forget If you want to join me in my live recordings, be a part of the live audience and all the foolery that we have before and after the recording of this video, join me in the Inner Circle, chrystalhurtz.com/innercircle. All right, y'all, see you next time.
