The Joy of Missing Out with Chrystal Hurst

Hi, my name is Chrystal Evans Hurst. If you're just finding your way here, I'm not in my yellow chair. I don't have my lights and my cameras, but we gonna make this thing work. Okay. Using light from the window. I'm here because this is what I do every Monday morning, going live with my inner circle. And this is where I happen to be on this here Monday. You're watching this video as an overflow of what I already give the girls on the inside. So I want to make sure you sit back and enjoy it. And know that if you feel FOMO, you're not the only one. You have no idea what I just did to get ready to film in this here hotel. I made up the bed because I didn't want you to think I was a total heathen. But I never make up beds when I'm in a hotel. That's the beauty of being in a hotel. What you need to know is right outside of this frame like literally right there, is a suitcase all jumbled up. It looks a hot mess. Right behind the bed on the floor, about there, are the clothes I took off yesterday and the shoes, two sets of shoes in a pile on the floor. But you want to know what I've done? I pushed all of that out of the frame. Why? Because you don't need to see all my cards all the time, do you? Now, I'm recording this live in front of the Inner Circle right this second. They saw me fix all that. They saw me move the furniture around in the room. They saw me try to get my hair to obey. They saw me put lotion on so I didn't look too ashy if I raised my hands. But when we put ourselves out there in the world, we put our best foot forward typically. We don't want everybody to see what's behind the curtain. Here's the deal. When we, when you, when I want what other people put in front of the curtain, we don't know what they had to move out of the frame to make you see what you're seeing. Why is this important? Because thinking that we want everything that we see, thinking that we want to participate in every opportunity that we are aware of, Thinking that we want a path in life that we think is an awesome path because we've seen other people on that path. Knowing that some people are hanging out and we didn't get to go will throw us into a tizzy. It's called the fear of missing out. I want what you have. I want to do what you're doing. I want to experience what you're experiencing. I want to make sure that I can go on the trip that you're going on. I want to make sure that I have the ability to generate the income that gives me the lifestyle that I see you having. Why? Because I don't want to miss out. None of us in our lives want to miss out. So we spend a lot of time in FOMO, looking at what everybody else is doing, what everybody else has in front of them, not knowing what's outside of their frame. And there's always something a little messy outside of the frame. You don't know what it costs someone to do what they're doing. You don't know how much life they've had to live to have what you see them having. You don't know what chaos they left at home when they were trying to get organized to go out of town. You just see what they put in the frame and you go, I'm missing out. So FOMO is the whole thing. But there's this other thing, it's JOMO. It's the joy of missing out. Because what if instead of focusing on what is outside of your frame, you just take the time to deal with it, to enjoy it, to organize it, to look at it, to engage with it? Because for everything that's inside of the frame, there are 10 more things outside of the frame that you get to do, that you get to see, that you get to organize, that you get to take dominion over, that you get to enjoy. Outside of the frame right now, I had the breakfast that the hotel delivered to me, a little continental apple yogurt and a muffin. It's nice, but I've eaten half of the muffin. I've drank half of the orange juice. It's not cute sitting over there. That's what's outside of my frame. People may make all kinds of assumptions about what they're missing out on. And they assume, oh, Chrystal Hurst, you're traveling, you're staying in a hotel, traveling must be glorious, and you're eating out and you're staying in hotels and you're doing all this stuff. But there are so many things you don't know about what it took to get here or what I'm engaging in while I'm here. And that doesn't mean it's not good. I don't feel that if you're enjoying something in your life, you have to play it down so that others are satisfied, content, or okay. I'm just telling you you don't know. And we make assumptions, right, about what we don't know about. If we spent more time paying attention to the fear of missing out and let that drive us into the joy of missing out, because we then get to turn our attention to what's in our frame or what's outside of our frame, because that's really the whole thing that you can clearly see It might change how you see your life. For every person that sees someone else, for every woman that looks at another woman and sees her jet-setting, there's a woman who's jet-setting that wish she was where you are at home with small children, with a spouse, with a husband, as a mom. For every woman that sees another woman on a stage, there's a woman on the stage who has to be who wishes she could be in the back of the room serving, supporting. For every woman who wishes she had more money, there's a woman with money who's trying to figure out how to solve the problems that her money created, how to get away the people that are mooching off of what she's done, how to deal with the people that make assumptions about her because God has blessed her financially. For every woman who has a fear of missing out, there is a joy to be found in missing out if you'll choose what you're looking at. I have a beautiful view outside of my window. Yeah, let me show you, cuz I'm technologically savvy like that. This is me recording with you, and this is the view outside my window. Now, I could say, "Man, I see the people walking outside. They're riding bikes outside. I'm missing out. Oh, look at that couple holding hands walking by the lake. Oh, I wish my husband was here. Look at those people walking across the bridge. I should be walking." All of those things are lovely. You know what's also lovely? Staying in the bed, writing, quiet. Maybe later on today I'll go walking. Maybe later on today I'll go riding my bike through town. The hotel I'm staying at provides bikes. But if I try to rush into the rest of the day and not take advantage of what I have now, I'm letting the fear of missing out drive me past the joy of missing out. When actually both may be at my disposal. What am I trying to tell you? I'm trying to tell you that you need to find joy where you are. You need to decide that there is something, probably more than a few things, that are actually a part of your life right now that are beautiful. They're amazing. They are unique. They may not be repeated in another season. Whenever you find yourself feeling the pang of, I want what they want, I wanna do what they're doing, I wanna have a life like that, or I wanna have that experience in this season, you are guiding yourself past the joy that you have right now. There is a joy in missing out on what they're doing because if you were doing what they're doing, you wouldn't have the opportunity or the blessing or the gift of doing what you're doing right now. And there is a gift in your right now. If you're in college, the fear of missing out is you can't work more, you can't make more money. You know, you have friends that didn't go to college and they're just making money and they're doing stuff because they're making money. And you are here eating ramen noodles thinking, man, I'm missing out. But the joy of missing out is that you get to have in this season of your life what you'll probably never have again. And that is the ability, the autonomy, and the capacity to focus on learning, to dive deep into developing your brain and going deep in knowledge in an area that you've picked. This is a gift. There should be a joy in missing out because you get to do what maybe some of them did not have the opportunity to. Every time my husband has been in the hospital, I have had the fear of what I couldn't do. Couldn't take the kids to school. You know, you have to be there early in the morning when the doctors come in the room, you know, maybe having to slow down on some work. I've had the fear of something happening on a weekend, but I'm not doing that because I'm going to be with my husband. But you know what? I found a joy of missing out. You want to know why? Because even in a hospital room, we've had the best conversations, the best dates, because DoorDash is amazing. We've had the best connective time, uninterrupted time. Now, while I would never wish him to be in the hospital and while I would never, not never, but I probably would not likely because of the fear of missing out, choose to be out and away from him. It doesn't mean I don't have FOMO of all the things that are happening that I can't or shouldn't do because he's not well. And he's been good for a while, y'all, for those of y'all who wanna know. But I've realized that if I focus on what's in front of me, that there is a joy there too. You do realize that joy is what you can have regardless of your circumstances. Joy is what you can have regardless of your feelings. Joy is what you can have regardless of your emotions. Joy is what you can have despite the things you want that you don't. Joy keeps you stable. Joy keeps you bubbling outside from what is bubbling over from within. Joy is a disposition. It is an attitude. It is a gift. If you feel like you're behind or you're missing out or you couldn't afford to go or you can't go right now, or you don't have that relationship or you don't have that situation or you didn't get that promotion or you didn't get invited on that work trip, If you will ask yourself, what brings me joy in this season? What could bring me joy in this season? If you will sit with yourself long enough to know that what you hold in your hand right now has value, instead of reaching out with an empty hand to say, I wish I had more of that, realize that you probably have something in your frame you can put in your hand right now. We all have FOMO, but I need you to exchange it for the joy of missing out and realize that if you're missing out on that, that's because you get to engage in this. If you don't get to go to that, that means you got to stay right here. If you don't get to purchase that, then that means you were able to spend your money on something else that mattered more. And you know what? The fear of missing out will teach you what you want to do next time. If I miss a flight, I don't like missing a flight. It's happened twice in my life. There's a fear. That's why I drive like a bat out of Hades on the way to the airport if I think I'm going to be late. That fear, that anxiety has caused me to miss a couple of flights. There have been circumstances that I couldn't control. I'm sitting there in the airport, watching the flight get later and later and later because of technical problems, mechanical problems, you know, weather problems. And I'm thinking, I have somewhere to be. And I feel the anxiety rising up. And then I realize, one, I can't control it. I can't make that plane leave on time. If I was late, I'm late now. So do the best you can, but preserve your life. Don't drive too bad like a bat out of Hades. Don't rip around too many corners at 90 miles an hour, because what good is it for you to drive that fast and then have a wreck and lose your life. I have realized many a time that if I would just release the plane from having to get me to where I'm trying to go, just realize I can't control it. There's some great places to eat in this airport. Oh yes. And yes, I do have that Citibank Advantage card that gives me access to the Admirals Club. Do you know they got good food in there? Do you know they have good Wi-Fi? Do you know the seats are comfortable? There's a joy in missing out. I flew to Europe. I was supposed to meet my family in Brussels. My plane that was supposed to land in Heathrow and let me connect in Heathrow to get on a plane to Brussels, to get to Amsterdam and Brussels, I had an issue with my ticket. And the whole time the fear is welling up in my life, in my soul, in my mind, because I'm in London, for goodness' sake. I need to catch that flight. Wasn't my fault I didn't catch the flight. And then I thought, well, it won't be so bad because this is Heathrow. So there's gotta be an American Airlines lounge here. And then I thought, but I don't wanna miss out. So I'm gonna get to my family faster, I would have been sitting in that airport, y'all, for 14 hours waiting on the next flight out. And then I decided I'm going to take planes, trains, and automobiles. This is Europe. I can take a train and then take another train and then take another train and then take an Uber and get where I need to go. I missed my flight, but guess what I found? Above and beyond the fear of missing the flight, I found the joy of missing my flight. And it wouldn't have mattered if I had sat in the Heathrow Airport for 14 hours or if I had done what I actually decided to do, which is to take planes, trains, and automobiles to get to my destination. I have now been on the Eurostar and went on the train tracks underneath the English Channel. I have now seen the countryside of France. I have now been to the train station in Brussels. I have now not only navigated a train and a plane and a car in Europe, I figured it out on the fly. I did the whole thing. It felt like I was taking the quick version of backpacking across Europe. There was a joy in missing out, but why was there a joy? Oh my goodness, I have tingles. The joy was because I looked for it. Instead of focusing on what I was missing out on, I looked for the adventure. What are you missing out on today? Where do you feel like life has passed you by, or you see your cohorts, your peers, or your family members doing things you wish you could do? What if? You're also missing the joy because you're not looking at what's right in front of you, the opportunities that you have right in front of you. There are two restaurants attached to this hotel. The lady at the desk, front desk, told me about both of them. And I decided that last night I was going to go to the fine dining restaurant because I'm here in the same town where my boys go to school. And I know that tonight and tomorrow night, while I'm with them, they're gonna want me to take them to fast food restaurants and to pizza joints. So I decided I'm gonna take myself to the fancy restaurant. And I went down, 'cause the elevator connects to the fancy restaurant. And I pressed the button to go to floor 4, where the fancy restaurant is, and the button wouldn't light up. So I thought maybe I need a key. So I came back to my room and I looked for the key and thought maybe there's a code here where I'm supposed to, you know, a key thing, a key fob, where I'm supposed to put my key there so it'll let me press the floor. I wouldn't got the key. There's no key fob. Press the floor. Maybe the elevator was going up and it needs to go down. So I got out and pressed the button and still floor 4 wouldn't light up. So I got out my phone and I looked at Google, cuz Google tells you all the things. And I said, is the restaurant open today? Sure enough, the restaurant is not open today or yesterday. But then there's the other restaurant. So I went to floor 1. I was looking forward to the fancy restaurant. They weren't open yesterday. They're not open today either. And tomorrow I think I'll be leaving. Man, I meant to go to that restaurant. When am I going to be coming back here where I can go to that restaurant? But you know what? I went down to floor 1 and had an amazing dinner. More casual, but amazing. And I never would have tried that if floor 4 would have opened up for me. What if you're focusing on floor 4 and there's something else on floor 1 that you will enjoy just as well? What if this isn't the last time you come here? What if you're walking in fear of something that will never be? What if because you're solely focused on that one thing, you keep pressing the button trying to make it go? You keep going to try to get the tools to open the floor. You checking directions to see how can I get to this floor, and the whole time there's something else available that's just as amazing. Are you working so hard on avoiding the fear of missing out that you are forgetting that there's a joy in missing out if you would focus on it? It's all in how you look at it. Look around you. What brings you joy? Write it down. Put it on a list in your phone so that the next time you experience fear, you can replace it with joy. There is no fear in love. And if you believe that you're loved by God in heaven, then you don't fear because he's a good father and he gives good gifts to his children. So here's what I want to leave you with. If you fear like you're missing out, I want you to recognize fear for what it is. It's always a ploy of the enemy to get you to not focus on what you already have. Adam and Eve bit of that apple or whatever that fruit was in the garden because Satan says, "You're gonna miss out. You're not gonna know everything. You're not gonna be all-powerful if you don't enjoy this." Wanna know why she bit that apple? 'Cause she was afraid she was missing out. There were all these other apples, pears, trees, bananas, kiwi. There was kiwi, there was rhubarb. And she focused on the one thing she couldn't have. It derailed her whole life. FOMO can derail your whole life. And if you would just look around the garden of your life, what else is already there? So fear, I want you to see it for what it is. It is a distraction to get you to focus on what you don't have instead of focusing on what you do have. JOMO is the decision to focus on what you do have and find the joy in what's before you and realize that you're actually not missing out. Two, FOMO is a scarcity mindset because it assumes that whatever you fear you're missing out on, you won't have the opportunity again to enjoy it. JOMO says, I can enjoy where I am right now because that opportunity will come again. It's an abundant mindset. I'm going to find the abundancy in what I have right now because what I have right now has value. It causes you to see the value in what you already have. That's an abundant mindset. 3, FOMO diminishes your view of yourself and of your life. Because if you're constantly looking at what they're doing, where they're going, what they have, then you aren't imputing value into who you are, what you're doing, and what you have. And that is not a zero-sum game. Diminishing your value, diminishing the experience of your life, that is not a zero-sum game. That is a reduction game. You, you're reducing things down. You are downsizing your life the way you see it. And if you don't then see your life with an abundant mindset, it's just gonna keep getting smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller until you'll realize one day the only enjoyment you get outta life is watching what other people are doing with theirs. You know what creates FOMO like nobody's business? Social media. Now we're not just inundated with what Susie's doing at church or what Betty's doing down the street or what Nan is doing. Why am I choosing these names? Who is Nan? We're focusing on people we don't even know with lives that are set to show you only what they want to show you in the frame. And we're comparing ourselves to people we don't know that have lives that are not real, that have that have things outside the frame that support the life that you don't know about, but you're comparing yourself. You can't help it. You can't help it. You're comparing yourself and the whole while you're diminishing you because you can't look at somebody else's glory and also have room to see your own. If their light from their life shines so bright, it's blinding you to the light you have in your space, right now. Choose to have joy about what you're missing out on. Choose to decide that what you don't have, you can have another day. Choose to believe that if they have it, you can have it too, another day. Choose to look around your room and scan it and say, what do I get to enjoy in here? I was in Hawaii. I went to Hawaii for my 50th birthday by myself. And I went to go to the room and I didn't like the view. So I went back to the hotel, 'cause if I'm going all this way, y'all gonna give me the room I want. So I went back down and I said, "You know, I'm not really happy with that view." She said, "Well, you know, the sun sets over there. And if you're gonna see a whale, you wanna be over there." I said, "Yeah, but you know, it's a little noisy. I don't wanna face the pool." I would rather face the lagoon. They had a little lagoon. So I got to watch the sunrise. But do you know what I thought about every night I was in that hotel? I'm missing the sunset. I'm seeing the sunrise. I got what I asked for, but I'm missing the sunset. Are there whales over there? I got what I wanted and was still coddling the fear of missing out. I had made a decision to not do that. I got what I asked for. And then the whole time in the room that had the beautiful view of the lagoon and the beautiful view of the sunrise, the whole time I was thinking, I'm missing out on the whales. God will give you what you ask for and you'll complain the whole time because he gave you what you wanted and you're missing out on the whales. So this is me telling you, find the joy. Find the joy. Look for it because it's there if you do. So here's the question that I have for you. When is the last time you felt FOMO? And what's the joy? Where's the joy? You missed that, but why? What did you have? You didn't do that, but why? What were you already doing? You don't have that, but why? What do you already have? So when you choose not to do it, you choose not to go, you choose not to engage, you choose not to buy it. What do you already have? Just a little something for you to think about. Why? Because I believe if you feel something, you should investigate it. Your emotions shouldn't govern you, but they should guide you. And when you feel something, pay attention. And if you've been feeling like I'm missing out, Well, maybe you are, but maybe it's also because while you're missing this, you get to aim at that. Point your joystick. Every video game my kids have ever played has a joystick. There's some action that this joystick controls. They can sit there and watch the game and watch their friends play or watch the test run characters play. Or they can pick up the joystick and navigate through the game. You can pick up the joystick and you can navigate through this game of life, but you can't just watch it. You have to put it in your hands. You can't just look at it. You have to actually use it. You can't just wish for it. You have to actually get up and go get it. And the— in the old days, everything was connected with a wire. Now it's connected with Bluetooth. What you need to know is your joy is connected to how you play the game. That just came to me. Oh, that was good. But the joy is connected to how you play the game. And so much of life, how it turns out, is just how you play it. So this is me telling you, use your joystick. Use your joy as a weapon against the fear. Use your joy as an angle against those negative thoughts. Use your joy as a well you can pull from when other places are making you feel dry, use your joy because it's the joy of missing out that will keep you not focusing on the fear, focusing on what you don't have, and focusing on who else is in the room. It's focusing. It's all about the focus. So this is me telling you to look at what you're focusing on and then Count it all joy. I hope this was helpful. Leave your comments down below. If you liked it, share a friend. Do what the cool kids do. Like, share, subscribe, follow, all of that. And then I will see you next week.