The Power of Influence

My husband is over 50. For his 50th birthday, I gave him a surprise birthday party and I invited all of his people to come. His people included his family, of course, my family, of course, but I also invited the slew of people that love him, um, that have worked with him and have connected with him over the years. This, this 50th birthday party, uh, was a few years ago, but I was thinking about it recently because I was so surprised. Not surprised that people came, not surprised that people were celebrating him, but I was surprised because of the amount the intensity, the intensity with which people love my husband. My husband managed Kirk Franklin. He was his everything, everything from his personal assistant to his road manager, to his business manager. He kind of started out being a friend and a bodyguard. And over the 20 years that he was working with him, he kind of did everything. And then when his health started giving him some trouble, then he retired from that. But he worked with Kirk and he worked with all the musicians and he worked with If you don't know who Kirk Franklin is, he's a long in the business gospel music artist. But he was his right-hand man for a very long time. And he took care of all of Kirk's people, the singers, the musicians, the touring, he did all of that. And so he got a chance to know all the people that have ever sung or worked or played with Kirk over 20 years. So we invited those people to come back. And not only was it like one big family reunion, But it allowed me a picture of what happens when A, we choose to give people their roses while they're living. And so if there are people in your life who you need to say thank you to, or who you need to say I love you to, it's important to do that. So heads up, if it's been bothering you, this is your confirmation that you're supposed to call them or see them or buy them flowers or whatever. But it also showed me how a life lived well can be celebrated because a life lived well always results influence. And that night, so many people came up on the microphone to talk about their memories. Everybody calls my husband Uncle Jesse, to talk about their memories of Uncle Jesse taking care of them, of him fighting for them, of him putting them on a plane so they wouldn't be late, but he took the next flight out, of him always being the last man standing, of him making sure people had a, had a room, had a pillow to lay their head on, even if he had to still sleep on the tour bus or sleep in the hotel lobby. He always made sure everybody was taken care of. Kirk always has this story. He calls it his Uncle Jesse story, where he fell off of a stage, hit his head way back in the day, had a concussion. My husband jumped down many, many feet to get him, to, to basically rescue him. It was just a night of stories of what amounts to influence. My husband is not a speaker. He's not a singer. He's not a musician. He's not an out front person at all, but that does not mean that he did not have a major influence in the life of Kirk and all the people who worked with Kirk over the years. He has had an influence because of the person that he is. He has had an influence because he's consistent. He has had an influence because he's a person of integrity and character, and he shows up to his life in every situation as that person. A life lived well always involves You showing up with integrity and character consistently over time. Over the last few weeks, we've had an opportunity to think about people in the public eye who've had influence. And I would love to just remind you of some of them right now. First of all, Miss Cicely Tyson. If you haven't seen a movie with Cicely Tyson in it, you've never seen a movie because Miss Cicely Tyson has done the thing. She was the first in many cases and certainly wasn't the last. She acted well into her latter years, and every place she showed up, she showed up with grace. A beautiful woman who was willing to take roles that meant something and to deny roles that were frivolous. She was intentional about her roles and responsibility in life, not just of furthering her own career, but also making sure that she was in position to further the careers and the lives of other people. She was beautiful. And she remained beautiful until the day of her death. You never saw her showing up looking crazy because she was intentional about how she showed up. She knew that she was setting a standard for actresses that were with her in her time and actresses that would come behind her. She had influence. You don't just have influence by accident. You have to be intentional. And influence, at the end of the day, is what will last. It's what lasts beyond you. It is the taste that you leave in other people's mouths of who you are. Influence means that when you wear Chucks and when you wear Pearls and when you are the first, that other people want to wear Chucks and Pearls. And it means that people who recognize your influence, like mothers all over the world, want their daughters to understand that you can wear Chucks and wear, wear pearls. Or as my friend Sarah Jakes Roberts likes to say, you can be a girl of lace and of leather. You can be who you're supposed to be and lend influence. If you are anywhere on social media, you found this to be true. There were people all over the place wearing Chucks and pearls because our first woman of color to be in the White House in the position of influence of Vice President and the first woman of color who's not only African American, but Asian American, who has an Indian influence in her heritage. She said, "I wear chucks and I still wear pearls and I am in a position of influence." And that day was celebrated by many of us, not just because we're women of color, not just because we have Asian or Indian American influences,— but because if you're a woman, girls, we made it to the White House. And lots of moms wanted their daughters to commemorate that special day. So this is my friend Lindsey Bolton. I actually really do know her in real life. And she actually is a girl who is of Caucasian and African American descent. Her mom is white, her dad is Black. And she and I have talked many, many times about how she, as a woman of mixed race, wants to influence her children because of course she is, as a woman of color, sensitive to all things that women of color are sensitive to, but she wants her daughter to understand that the world is round, that the world is big, and that while the things that we do as people of color should be celebrated, the world should be celebrated as we move forward and we do things that we have never done. I saw her celebrate Kamala Harris's inauguration in the White House, but I've seen her celebrate a lot of things because her understanding of influence is a balanced one.. And I want you to understand that I realize everybody is not happy about who's in the White House. Let me tell you something. It doesn't matter if you're happy or not about who is in the White House. We have all been influenced. Now, little girls all over the globe have been reminded that there is no ceiling that you cannot break. And that is the power of influence, that when you show up and you live your life well, you are in effect communicating to other people This is how you do it. Isn't this the cutest picture? I love this. When you see somebody else win, it teaches you that you can do it. Some of the time, the reason why we have to work so hard to do things in our lives that we didn't think we could do is simply because we've never seen it. Sometimes you just don't know what you don't know until you know it. And now little girls all over the globe now know that not only can they wear Chucks and Pearls, they can wear Chucks and Pearls and be in the White House. And that's good for all of us girls to know. Sometimes if you look in the mirror and you've never seen that somebody who looks like you can do something you aspire to do, then you just don't try. So celebrating our firsts and celebrating people who have influenced for other people all over the globe. It's important for us to recognize this. Influence comes in all sizes and shapes, but we would be amiss if we simply didn't pause to say that it matters that I can look on a screen and see somebody that looks like me doing something that one day I might aspire to do. Okay. So let me just say something though. Everybody's floating around the internet, Chucks and Pearls, Chucks and Pearls, Chucks and Pearls. And I take a little bit of offense to that. I've been wearing Chucks and Pearls, y'all, for a long time. Didn't nobody celebrate me? Didn't nobody put— nobody started a meme and a hashtag about me? But it's true. It's very true. I started wearing Chucks and Pearls. In this picture, I don't have on my Pearls, but I do have Pearls that I do wear when I would go speak, because 2 years ago, almost 3 years now, I had a series of problems with one of my feet. And in order to be able to speak and still look intentional, I started wearing Chuck Taylors. Now I actually have, I probably have, gosh, about 9 or 10 pair because when you wear them all the time, the toe box was roomy enough for me. When you wear Chucks all the time, you don't want people to think that's the only shoe you have. So I've got white ones, I've got yellow ones, I've got gray ones, I've got white ones, I've got high tops, I've got glittery ones. My mother even bought me a pair of glittery ones. These black ones that I just showed you a picture of, those are actually leather. So I mean, I've got my own situation with Chuck Taylors. But I have to tell you that what I have heard people say is, as I've been to different places where I speak, but often I'm speaking at churches, I've had women say after I speak, "Thanks so much, Chrystal Hurst, for being you. Thank you for showing up and not wearing the heels and letting me know that it's okay to be me." I'm not the only person who has used what they wore to influence someone else. I'm not the first. I won't be the last. Neither is Ms. Harris. Y'all will recognize this person, Barbara Bush, wearing her signature pearls. Even as she aged, I found pictures around of her on the internet. She always was wearing pearls. And if you were around when Barbara Bush was around, you know that while of course she did make the space to be upfront with her husband, um, she was a very quiet woman who was really interested in serving her family. She, quoted Mother Teresa often when Mother Teresa said, "If you want to change the world, go home and serve your family." So what I want to talk to you about today is the power of influence, the power that you have to influence other people. My husband influenced people being a person behind the scenes. Uh, I influenced some people wearing some Chuck Taylors when I go speak, just to make them know it's okay to dress how you need to dress in the season that you're in. And then also Kamala Harris, of course, being in the White House has influenced women around the globe, women of color and women of non-color, the lighter hue or other hues, that they can do it too. And you influence no matter where you're standing, no matter where you're standing, no matter what you're wearing, no matter where you are or who you are, you have the opportunity to influence somebody else. And if you understand how much you have the power to influence, it will change what you do every day to know that what you do, who you are, what you look like, how you engage, wherever you are in life, that you have the power to influence someone else. Influence is important. What we see, what we hear, what we say has the power to influence us. And in the same token, The things that we don't hear, the things that we don't hear said, that we don't see, that we don't experience, that has the power to influence us too. Someone is always watching you. Someone is always watching you, which means you always have the opportunity to change someone's day. I can't tell you how many times I've been in the grocery store line and make it my business because I have the bandwidth in that moment to look the cashier in the eye and say, "Thank you so much for helping me today. You know, how is your day going? When do you get off?" And to see the person's attitude, their temperature of being rise simply because they're noticed. The power of my influence in that moment is to say, you have a job to do, and I could go through this line and never look you in the eye, never care about you as a human being. But I also have the power to let you know that one human being to another, I see you, that I notice that, you know, your hair is nice today, or I like your glasses, or how long have you been here? 15 years? Well, that's notable. I don't know when you celebrate your next anniversary, but kudos to you for being faithful. You never know how something you say to somebody who you never know can influence their day or influence decisions that they will make in their life. Cashiers, at Target, young women who are going to school and they say, "Yeah, I just work here part-time while I'm going to school." And I say, "Hey, I know you don't know me from Adam or from Eve, but look at me." And as they stop, they pause for a second and I look at them and I say, "Finish. Finish. The world needs what you have to give." They may or may not even remember that I said that, but in that moment, I bet you there's at least one woman who will. Wear your influence because your influence is important. What you don't give to people matters. Some of us are still reeling from what we didn't get from in our childhood, that the person who we needed to affirm us the most never did, that they never smiled when we walked in a room, that they never were kind and caring, that we needed support at home to be successful in school and we didn't get it. We needed teachers to care and we didn't have them. We needed that. So some of us know what influence is because we've seen it and we've experienced the positive benefit of that. Some of us know that influence matters because we didn't get it. No one influenced us in the direction that we needed to go, and we've been reeling ever since trying to figure it out. Your influence is important. How you treat people, how you speak to people, whether you agree or disagree with them, the way you interact with other people not only shows them that their thoughts, their opinion, that their life matters, but that you are influencing them as to what it looks like for a woman with dignity to show up in a room, even where she disagrees with other people who were there. There is a way that you can carry yourself. You wanna change the world? Mother Teresa said, "Go home and love your family." And I would say, if you wanna change the world, love people. Love others. That's what Jesus told us to do. Are you moving in your life with love? You want to know where you have influence? Look at where you spend your time. Who are you around a lot? Is it your family? Is it your coworkers? Is it your church? Is it your community? Is it a store that you're always in and you know you always see that one person in Old Navy, or it's that one barista in Starbucks? Where are you? Wherever you go, you have the power to influence. I was talking to my daughter, Charis, yesterday, or all this week actually, as she tries to make decisions about where she spends her time as a mother of young children, 3 young children, and as a business owner and as an entrepreneur and balancing all the things. And I said, the question that you always have to ask is you will leave influence, but determine in advance how you want that influence to be spread, who you want to receive it, and how much of it you want to give. You've got 24 hours in a day, and people really don't regret not working more. They really don't regret not climbing the ladder. When you get to people who are on their deathbeds, the thing that they always regret is the influence with the people that mattered most and whether or not they gave their best to leave an impact and a legacy with the influence of their lives. And if you're not intentional about how you spend your time, your influence, as important as it is, won't get spent the way you want it. Oh, it'll get spent. Your time will get spent. Your energy will get spent. Your mojo will get spent. It just may not get spent in the places where it matters most. So ask yourself this question, and I'd love for you to share your answer in the comments below. What influence matters most in your life right now? If you're a mom, it goes without saying, of course it's supposed to be your kids. So say your kids, but where else are you? Who else needs your intentionality? What if you have kids, but what if they're grown? You're an empty nester. Are there other young women in your life that need your influence that are in your career path? They're also healthcare workers, or they're also teachers, or they're also women who work at the church, or they're also women in the community. Who need you to just show up and be there. There's this thing called the ministry of presence. You don't necessarily have to do a whole lot. You don't have to necessarily be the point person or even be the lead, but just by you being there, showing up and being present, people can watch you. They can learn from you. They can lean on you. And you being there matters. The Bible says, iron sharpens iron. Being around, well, it matters. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says, "A cord of three strands cannot easily be broken." This is why the Inner Circle exists. It's not because there's some magic in what I do. I just happen to know that because women listen to me, and I don't have all the answers, I don't purport to have all the answers, but what I know is that when we get together, we have the opportunity to encourage one another. And some of us, that's all we need. We just need a place or a space where we can go to know that we're not the only one. And to have other women say, "Hey, listen, I've done that. I've been there. Uh, I've been through that. Don't worry, you'll make it." We need to know that, yeah, we're not just a team of one. We live in a very big world where other people, because of how they lived, can help. So Influence is important. And if you don't think you have any influence, think again. Let's go back to Ms. Harris. Because she is the first, we've had a lot of talk about her background and her influence and where she came from. This is a picture, and I love that this was taken in 1972, the year that I was born, but this is a picture of her sister with her grandparents and her mother. Let me tell you something. What has happened in her life is not just because she did the thing, y'all. It happened because her mother and her grandparents and her father were in her life giving her encouragement and direction the whole way. She has talked about her mother, who was a breast cancer researcher, teaching her about the value of an education. She has talked at length about her dad being a professor. Um, she wasn't just an educated woman valuing education because she was a naturally, uh, valuing education kind of person, y'all. She had parents, she had grandparents who said, let me show you what education looks like, let me teach you the value of education, and then, young girl, you go as far as you can go. This is about anybody who ever has done anything that has been done for the first time and acknowledges in their firsts, that they may be the first, but they won't be the last. So this is what happens anytime somebody who's the first realizes they're the first, but also acknowledges that they won't be the last. Halle Berry, you remember it? She won the first Oscar, and in her speech, she could hardly hold back the tears. She was visibly emotionally shaken because she realized how much of an honor it was for her to be the first female actress of color to win that award. She also realized that there were women before her who had been wonderful actresses who deserved that award as well, but they were not the first. They simply provided the platform for her to stand on, and she acknowledged that. This happens anytime somebody realizes that they didn't get where they were going on their own. Influence is important. In the Bible, the book of Ruth— I've taught on this so many times, and I talk about how Ruth, a pagan woman, wanted to follow Naomi, a Jewish woman, back to her homeland. Naomi's husband dies, Ruth's husband dies, Naomi's son. Ruth is now a widow, but she's a young woman, and Naomi decides after her husband dies and after both of her sons die— if you've never read the book of Ruth, you should, it's short, It's easy to read. Naomi decides to go back home, and Ruth leaves her home. Y'all, she could have gotten married again. She leaves her home where she knows the language and knows the culture, where she could have gotten married again, to go with her mother-in-law, to go back to her mother-in-law's homeland with the Israelites, which means she was probably giving up any chance she thought or hoped that she would have to get married. But what she said was, "I'm coming with you, Naomi, because I want your God to be my God." Do you realize how much influence Naomi as a mother-in-law had to have on her daughter-in-law for her daughter-in-law to say, "Not only am I going to go with my mother-in-law, not my mama, but my mother-in-law, and I'm going to leave everything I know in order to do it." Jesus walked with the 12 disciples. He could have gone all over the world. He did not do that. You know what he did? He walked with the 12. And said, now when I'm gone, you go. That's what it says in the last verse of Matthew 28, the last few verses. He said, I may not go everywhere, but I'm providing a platform that you need for you to go and do what I will not be here long enough to do. I'm gonna be here for 33 years, so in my stint, what I'm gonna do is teach you Some of the things that you meant to do with your life that you couldn't because of access or education or knowledge or opportunity. Do you know that your influence is not just about you? It is also about the importance of you showing up for other people and saying, here's what I couldn't do, but let me tell you what I've learned and let me help you get there. It also means that if you've been able to do things that have never been done, that you turn around and help somebody else because your influence is important. Ms. Harris, as she was taking the oath, and she didn't just use any Bible, right? She used the same Bible that Thurgood Marshall took his oath on. Why? Because he was the first person of color to serve in the Supreme Court. And that was a nod to the influence that he had in her life. Yeah, he wasn't a woman and he wasn't attempting to become Vice President of the US. You don't have to be the exact thing in order to influence, impact, or encourage someone else who is looking, uh, at you. You all have the gift and the potential of leadership. And let me tell you why. Leadership, which is basically influence, It's circular. You can lead from the front, meaning that you're in front of some— somebody else. You did it first. You're higher up. You have power. You have the ability to pull them up and give them encouragement from the seat that you have already at the table. But leadership also comes from behind. There are people that you have never met that influenced where you are today. There are people that made sacrifices, your grandmother, your mother, your parents, your father, your grandfather, your great-great-grandfather. The, the anybody who's of color, we stand where we stand today because there are people who made sacrifices to do the best that they could do with what they had so that we could do the best with what we have to do today. This is why the celebration of Black History Month is so important because throughout the history books, there have been people of color who've made contributions to society that were never talked about. Their names were never written in the black bold ink in the history textbooks that we studied. And if we don't recognize that there were contributions throughout history of people who look like me, then we are shortchanging ourselves of the pride and the understanding that we have what it takes. Because sometimes if you don't know that somebody who looks like you has done it, then you don't necessarily have the same understanding down deep in your heart and in your soul that you can do it too. It's important to know that you can. And just because I've never met you, doesn't mean you didn't impact my life. So just sidebar here, if you're on my email list, which you should be, chrystalhurst.com, I'll be dropping little tidbits of things that you can do and look into, study, develop, read, watch, people you should know in the email list as we go through the month of February. So look forward to that. So this is why it's important to know who's been before us. And sometimes the people who came before you didn't do what you aim to do, but they still influenced you. Let me talk some more about what it looks like to lead when you're not necessarily in a leadership position. This is my grandmother. She died when she was 97 years old. She had 8 children. She always wanted to be a missionary. That was actually what she intended to do when she got saved. She dove into her relationship with Jesus Jesus Christ and wanted to commit herself to telling others about him, about his word, about salvation. And then she met my grandfather and then decided that her mission field were the children down the hallway. She had 8, 4 boys and 4 girls. Of those children, 5 of them are in ministry, uh, 4 of them are in full-time ministry. And she always says that the impact of her influences was given first to the people that knew her the best, the people down the hallway. This is my Aunt Elizabeth. She has basically helped my mother with all of us, right? She took care of us when my mother and my father had to go out of town. She helped with the children's ministry at the church. She was the first Sunday school teacher. All of us kids know Auntie. Now this is Auntie with my granddaughter, Ellie. Y'all know Ellie. Auntie still is rolling with the kids. She has her doctorate degree, y'all, in childhood development. Doctorate degree. But she still gets joy from watching the kids. And she influences all of us, her nieces and nephews, and now her great nieces and nephews, because she understands that even though she, as a woman who has no children, um, in her life, she's never been married, Even she, because of her love for children, can lend influence. You don't have to be whatever you think you have to be to have influence. And you don't necessarily have to be a person who's on a stage, behind a screen, on TV with some big title to do what you're supposed to do. My aunt's title, her doctorate in child development, has nothing to do with the fact that she loves children. And that she makes time to be with them, to tell them that she sees them, to speak life and love into their hearts. Where can you lead? From the front. Yes, of course. If you've got a title or a platform or position, or you've achieved some things that allow you to be visible to other people, or you're high enough in the company to reach down and grab somebody else's hand and show them the ropes for how to get where you had to work so hard to get, Yes, you can do that, but you can also lead from behind. Because what if the investment that you're making to do what you can with the life that you've been given is the platform that provides the influence for somebody else to go where you never intended or dreamed of going? You gotta make adjustments in your circle if your circle doesn't fit. There should always be somebody in front of you leading and someone behind you that you're leading to. Look around you and say, who can I have influence on? Not because I have a title, but because I'm there. Nobody, not one of us does anything that we need to do in our lives by ourselves. If you look around and if you're honest with yourself, somebody influenced you. It may have been a TV show. It may have been a teacher. It may have been something that you read. But somewhere along the line, you created a vision for your life, a structure for your life, a grid for your life. And you got that from somewhere, good or bad. Now, if you are anywhere in the world, you understand this statement to be true. Your posture, just where you stand or where you sit, it has the power to influence. Y'all, everybody in the world, and I mean the world, not just in the States. If you search the hashtag Bernie Sanders, you will find memes of him every stinking where. All he did was show up to the doggone inauguration in some mittens, a mask, and in a chair, but his posture said everything. I love this meme. Your order has shipped and how you sit waiting on your stuff to arrive. Or what about This one, him sitting on the bench next to Tom Hanks. Posture is everything. Or what about this? Now you may have to look really hard to see him, but can you see him? He's still sitting there, same posture. What does his posture say? What does his posture say? He's saying, y'all, I am totally unbothered. By you right now, I am totally not thinking about y'all. I am totally trying to get in here and not fool with y'all, and I am not going to be disheveled or disheartened by whatever is going on around me. His posture was a picture that definitely said a thousand words. Yeah, people all over the world— like, I found memes in different languages. I mean, because posture is everything. It's not about what you say. Your influence is not about just what you say. It's not just about the job that you have. It's not just about the amount of money that you possess or the amount of fame that you have. Listen, I mean, influencer, it's a thing. There are people that make tons of money. Their whole living is made because they have, you know, hundreds of people, hundreds of thousands of people that follow them. And they can post a picture of Tide and get a check. So I'm not saying that influence isn't improved or enhanced when you have numbers. What I'm saying is you are influencing whoever is around you, even if you just sit there. Toni Morrison said, "When a child walks into the room, she's intentional to smile." Because she realized sometimes that a child would walk into the room and just her posture, the glance that she has when she looks at them would communicate more than what she could ever say. This most recent Sunday morning, I had my kids fix breakfast. I normally fix a big breakfast, but I've been teaching them along the way. And there was something I was trying to fix in our home. It was taking all of my attention. It was something I wasn't supposed to be doing at that time. And I was very frustrated. And the kids kept asking me questions, "Mom, is this enough milk to put in the eggs? Mom, where's the dill? Or you want me to put dill in the eggs? Mommy, is— how long do I put the bacon?" And they kept asking me questions, which they should have. I was so irritated. And then my son, my oldest son, walked up to me and he said, "Mom." And I said, "Yes?" And he said, "Never mind." And I said, "I'm sorry. It's okay. What do you need?" In that moment, what I was communicating to him by the posturing of my body language and the tone of my response was, "I don't have time for you. I'm not interested in what you have to say right now. You are a bother." That's what I was communicating to him in that moment. Do you realize that your posture communicates something? We have a saying from my mother, "Loisie, if you walk into the room and your face and your hair done and your clothes are on point and you are standing straight and tall, and if you glide in the room like you're supposed to be there positioning yourself like a Queen, you are very loessy today. This was her posture, and just by virtue of her posturing when she entered a room, she commanded respect. Your influence is important. It is circular. It doesn't matter if you're on the front side, if you're behind the scenes, or if you're on the side supporting. Your influence It's important, and your influence comes even if you're just sitting still. What does your face and your body language, your nonverbal, communicate to the people around you? Your influence. You have it, so own it. Own it. When somebody is able to do something that's never been done before, when the barriers that they break, when the ceilings that they move past, when there are chairs that someone like them have never sat in before and they now can, when you get somewhere you've never been, when someone in your family does something that no one in your family has ever done, When your child comes home with an A on their report card, when your husband gets a promotion, when your sister gets her new house, when your friend gets engaged, when the cashier at the store is kind and you notice. You leading from the front or leading from the back or leading from the side, you in your posturing, in your facial expressions, all of your nonverbals. You get an opportunity to be influential in celebrating. That is the most influential thing you can do for another human being is to celebrate who they are, to celebrate the accomplishments that they've been able to achieve, to celebrate their steps forward and to say, whether you help them get there or whether you encourage them or whether you supported them or whether you just noticed, good job. Good job. I see you and I celebrate who you are and the gifts that you bring to this world. Regardless of your persuasions, black, white, or as the song goes, red and yellow, black and white, we are all precious in his sight. And you need to figure out a way to know and use your influence and then take the opportunities that present themselves to recognize and and celebrate the influence of others. Because at the end of the day, y'all, we're all just trying to get where we individually are trying to go. And as we move forward, we get to be influenced by others and we get to influence others too. You today have the power to own, to operate in and to acknowledge the power that you have to influence. We all have it. Use your power.