The Sister Circle Show: Staying Awake Spiritually (Recorded Live)

Still eating. Look, now we're live.

All right, we're on, girl. Let me tell you something, I love technology, but not when it's for me, when I get to like do it and play with it. But when it has to do with me doing it, anyway, okay, so we're here. So we've had 25 minutes of trying to get it together, and I think we're live. I'm waiting to see if other people join us. I'm waiting for the viewer count to go up., to make sure we're not on here by ourselves. Okay, we've got one viewer, so I think we're on. Let's see, let me know if you can see and hear, and then we'll jump into our conversation. I think we're good because I see the count going up. Okay, so, lower. So here's a question, we're just going to jump in. I'm going to do a quick intro in case this is the only thing people get to see. So I am here doing a series in July every Tuesday at 12, even though it's 12:27 because we couldn't figure out how to get online, but about staying awake. And I'm talking to my friend Candice Reese, even though I always want to say Davis, about what it means to stay awake spiritually. Candice has told me many, many times that she, because of what God has told her, she has made decisions based on waiting to hear from the Lord, spending time with him. And I wanted to talk to her about what that's looked like, because you've changed careers over that, started a new business over that. Or the words that you hear from him, you have married because of that. And so just for our listeners who are just joining us, can you please share what— when you say you're hearing from God, what does that mean?

Yeah, for me, uh, hearing from God is knowing him personally to the point where I can discern his voice from my voice, his, his voice from others' voice, um, being so familiar with the piece of God's leading that it helps me better make decisions. Um, so it's just an overall awareness and understanding of who he is, what his word says, and how he is true to form all the time, even in our specifics and daily direction.

So, you know, we talked before, you've been on a podcast before where we've chatted about, you know, prayer, and I thought what was unique about that conversation is Um, well, for a few things. I was, I was thinking earlier today, I was thinking when I introduced you that I was gonna say, so this is Candace, my— it's like, what are you? Are you my friend? Are you like a little sister? Are you like— what, what, what do you say?

I say, actually, this is what I say. I say Chrystal's like my friend, but she's kind of like a big sister mentor, but she's also my friend.

Yeah, it's kind of muddy, but it works. So I was thinking when I was— I was like, you know, when we had that conversation, I was like, what's unique about it is at that time you were what, 28 maybe?

Um, or I was 20-something, late 20s.

Late 20s. And the, the interesting thing is that you, you know, a lot of people in their late 40s struggle to hear from God, but you seem to have figured that out. Um, why do you think it is that people have such a hard time? I mean, if you Google hearing from God, there's a whole lot of stuff and a whole lot of people that may or may not include as a part of God, their definition of God, Jesus Christ. Just in general, people in general all over the globe were like, I want to hear from God. So, um, it's a big mystery to a lot of people, is my point. Why do you think that is for Christians specifically? Why do you think that is?

I'm hesitant to speak across the broad spectrum.

In your experience, but with the people you know.

So I want to talk about people I know, but I will say this for myself. There have been moments of barriers where I have not heard the voice of God so clearly. There's been moments where I felt like he wasn't talking to me at all, or where I'm just like, I'm done praying because you're not listening and you're not answering, so what's the point of this? And just, you know, trying to— I don't know, just getting mad. So I understand the frustration and feeling like I'm talking to God, I'm praying to him, I'm reading my Bible, I'm hearing nothing, this is getting frustrating, I'm gonna figure this out on my own and do my own thing. So I've been there and I understand that. I don't— I don't— I know for one of those seasons that that happened. It was because I didn't want to— I didn't want to obey him, honestly. I just wanted to do what I wanted to do, but I wanted him to approve what I wanted to do. So, um, that I think was a hindrance, definitely, because he already knew you ain't about to listen to me. Like, you're specifically coming to me and you're asking me to approve it, and that's not what I'm here to do. So it was when I broke out of that, like, my way, my way, my way, and surrendered that um, I began to hear his voice again. And so I think I learned from that time moving forward how important it is to be willing to do whatever he says, because I think that makes a very big difference in how much he shares with us.

So, okay, so let me, let me ask you this then. Um, have— has there ever been a time when you were walking with God that you didn't join us. Now I can't do anything now. Has there ever been a time when you were working with God and you were struggling to hear?

Um, yes, like when I was actually— when I believe I was in his will.

Yeah, and you're, and you're seeking and you're like, it's not— I'm not hearing, I'm not knowing what he wants me to do.

Yes. Yeah. Um, there has been one particular time— I think I might have shared this on the podcast— was when I was in Nashville. I knew I was supposed to be in Nashville, but all the reasons I thought I was there was not at all any of the reasons why he had me there. It was, it was the darkest season I've walked through so far, um, where I felt like he was gone. I got to a point where I was suicidal and would drive and consider driving into trees and figuring out the best way to kill myself fast. I know.

Oh, so when I said I wanted God to break both my legs, you understood that? Oh yeah, you talking about you had it a little worse than me. You talking about driving in the trees.

I know, it was—

that was too traumatic. Just let somebody hit me from the side.

It was either I need to crash and like die instantly upon impact, or I need to find some dudes I can sleep with, or find somebody that got some drugs I can hit. Like just anything that I felt like would just thwart any future plans he had for me because I was like, you know what, I don't want whatever you're trying to give me. Um, so that was a very, a very dark season for me, but I knew that I was supposed to be in Nashville. So it was like, you got me here and then I'm all in the darkness and feeling alone and isolated and you're not speaking.

So why do you— what now in hindsight being 20/20, what do you attribute that to? Okay, God, I'm walking with you, this is not going— I thought you said this, this is not like, what do you— how do you— because, you know, there's people, like you said, who— you're right— are not— they're, they're listening for what they want to hear. So then God is silent because he's like, that's not what I'm going to say. And then there are other people who are walking and seeking. And like, like you said, we can't speak to everything, but in your experience, what did that mean for you? Why, why weren't you hearing clearly or getting what you wanted to hear then?

Um, I don't want to call it having an idol. But at the time, I was so— I was so career-driven and so focused on accomplishing what I thought was like my life goal, life dream, business-wise. Um, and so I was very focused here. And by the time I got to that turnaround point, all of what I had esteemed and valued was completely shattered and broken. And I realized how meaningless it was in a lot of ways. But it was through that process that it was like the breakdown of that kind of like, this is the goal, this is the prize. And so that was actually when my career changed and came back home, moved back in with my parents, no job. Like, it just took me all the way down to the bottom. And then everything got rebuilt, but it totally shifted my entire life focus.

So the fact that he was quiet is what shifted your focus, or the fact that he was quiet for a while and eventually you got clarity on what the message was?

Yeah, so it went, it went from he was quiet, I got angry, I got frustrated, I wanted to leave the faith and leave life altogether, um, just because of all of the dark— because it wasn't just I'm not talking to you. But it was also I was having health problems. It was also like I didn't understand physical things that were happening to my body. I had thyroid issues and couldn't get energy and sleeping all the time. And then there was the added isolation of people. I'm a highly social person. I'm an extrovert. And I was in a place where I was around very few people. And then I was broke and had to ration gas for the first time. Only had like $20 I could eat with a week. So I'd make pasta and eat it for like 5, 6 days in a row. You know, it was just like everything happening at one time. So all of that was a part of that darkness. It wasn't just, I'm not hearing God and I'm praying to him, but it was, it was a compounded, um, thing that kind of brought me to the place of, okay, what is happening? Why is so much out of whack? What are you trying to say to me? And thankfully, there was one person that I was close to was walking with Jesus. And I remember one night in particular, I was on a friend's couch. She was out of town, so she wasn't home, but I was on her couch at her place in the dark and just thinking some really, really dark thoughts. And I literally heard a battle in my head of, you need to text this one friend, not the one whose house I was staying at, another person. You need to text her. And the other side is like, don't text her, you need to do like— and it's telling me all these dark things to do. So it was literally this battle, the battlefield of crazy. I physically could not even reach for my phone, so it's like literally this battle happening. And then when I finally was like able to muster up the strength to text her, I just said, I want out. And she just responded, do you love Jesus? That's all she said to me. I'm like, and in that moment I just broke down crying because I knew, I knew in my heart I loved him, and I knew that that was what was frustrating me so much is because I love Jesus. I gave my life to him. I want to be where you want me to be ultimately. Um, and so her asking that one question for me was what first sparked the desire and, um, questioning of, okay, why am I here and what happened? Like What are you trying to say to me? So it was in that moment that that shift happened.

Okay, so did you, did you make a change from there, Nashville to Dallas, because he told you something different, or you finished something in Nashville, understood why you were there, and then moved to Dallas?

It was the finishing.

Yeah, it was a finishing, and then you moved.

So I didn't come back until he told me to come back.

How did you know you— he told you to come back?

Well, well, I literally— it was a— it was like a— I can't remember if I was praying or journaling, but it was sometime during me being still and quiet. It was to Dallas and finish mentoring your sister and her friends until they leave for college. Now they were in high school, so they were, I think, juniors at the time.

Okay, but see, like what you just said. Yeah, so then he's— then he told you specifically right, go back home, mentor.

That came when I was being still.

So, so you were being still, still.

It came as a thought. Whenever anything comes as a thought, I then presented it back to him and I say, is this you? Yeah, is this you or is this me? Am I making this up? Because I can come up with ideas all day, girl.

Let me tell you something, my mind can work overtime. I can come up with my own God ideas left to myself.

Yeah. So it's presenting it back to him, and then he often confirms. And for me, the confirmation was peace. The confirmation was nothing was opening up for me in Nashville.

Okay. Closed doors.

Was home is welcoming me back. And so there were multiple things that were like, okay. So then the question was, okay, well, when? So then that was kind of just like wrap some minor things up here and get there. And I ended up coming back to my mom's birthday weekend.

Okay, so let's take this Nashville to Dallas situation and move this forward because this happened again when it was time for you to bring your time at your last, um, uh, job to a close. And I remember, El Jett, you just had a sense about that. So was it the same that there's a thought, kind of a gnawing and a growing and a consistency of the thought. You presented that back to like, walk me through, because see, a lot of people will say they feel like God is telling them to leave their job because they tired of their job.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, he has released me, right? Uh, you know, and God is like, no, no, that wasn't me. That wasn't me. That was you being tired of your job.

And here's the thing that's strange— different, I won't say strange, But different about this situation is that I was doing well at my job.

And you liked your job.

I loved my job.

Yeah.

Like, it's the best job I've had. Like, I like that.

I think you love the job. You love the people you worked with. You loved— I mean, you enjoyed talking about it.

Yeah. I loved every bit of it. So, well, mostly every bit of it. You have certain things that you're like, eh, every job has certain things, but overall it, it was a great girl.

Life has certain things. Yeah, listen, I love my kids and my husband and they have certain— I love myself and I have certain things.

So yeah, so overall, overall it was a very, very sweet place for me. Um, but I knew a year and a half before I left that it was the wrap-up was was here. And that one, I'd have to go back and read my journals, which I have not done, but I'd be interested to go back and see what I wrote. I do remember saying and feeling like my time was coming to an end. Part of it was feeling like I had grown. Not to say I learned everything I could have learned, but I noticed like almost like a stunt kind of growth personally. I noticed that I wasn't I didn't feel like I was propelling the team any further than I could. It was like, okay, I've taken this as far as I am able. And it became a bit uncomfortable, but it wasn't like, I hate this job. Like, that never happened. I cried. Like, I would cry driving to work a year and a half before I left because I knew that the time was coming where I would have to leave. And I was like, I don't want to leave. Like, I loved it that much that I didn't want to leave, but I knew that, that God was, you know, kind of in a sense breaking it up, um, before the time actually came. So when the time actually came a year and a half later, I wasn't, I wasn't crying or anything because I had already kind of mourned it when he first told me it was going to happen.

Um, so I got to leave on a very celebratory note, which was a very nice Now, how did you deal with the leaving as it related to the planning for income? Because that's another thing. When God tells us to, to do something and we want to hear from him, or maybe we don't, and he is guiding us in a new direction, the reason why we hesitate, you know, and ultimately if we're not obeying, we're being disobedient, but if we hesitate, a part of that hesitation is Do you know, do you know what you asked me to do? And do you realize that I, I cannot see on the other side of this how I'm going to A, B, and C? So when it comes to changing careers, changing jobs, moving, leaving your comfort zone, leaving your neighborhood, leaving your family, um, you know, big challenge with that for a lot of people is it's the jumping off of the cliff. I think I'm hearing God, but surely, you know, I would have all this information I'm totally lined up, totally assured.

Yeah.

Or, or maybe this isn't him. So how did you deal with those very real things? What comes next, and how am I going to pay my bills?

The thing that's very funny about this is I didn't even think about that. I was so focused on trying to leave well, I didn't even think about beyond. I didn't realize till after I left that I didn't have a job, have a plan.

Did you have a plan though? You had a plan because we talked about it.

I had things that I knew I wanted to do, but I didn't know.

You didn't have it. You didn't have contracts lined up.

I did not have anything lined up except for one weekend job at the Stellar Awards.

Some— Summer said, oh my goodness, she is speaking on the season I'm in right now. Um, and Noel says, thank you for sharing, I'm in a career-changing season. Uh, Candace says, this is a loss of control. That leap. Clarissa says, it's been about a year since I gave my notice to relocate to another state in my 50s. So I mean, that's hit on a nerve, and I know a lot of, um, people struggle with that. And, and part of the struggle is feeling like they have to have a plan. They can't—

yeah.

And, and I don't want to downplay the plan. I think, you know, there's a balance, you know, there's wisdom and all that. But at the same time, you had such clarity about the fact that it was time. Yeah. Um, was there any wrestle apart from, I'm crying because I don't want to leave my job? Was there any, God, are you sure? And how did he confirm that for you?

Um, there was, there was more so, God, are you sure, based on timing. I, I was confident that I had to leave, um, but the timing of it was not at all what I would have picked for my life, I would have waited. I would have gotten married, worked there another year, and then left. But he had me leave 4 days before our wedding. So that was a— it was a lot. So my last day was March 1st, we got married March 5th, and left for our honeymoon March 6th.

Okay, so, so, so then you leave, which is so interesting because I know that there were things that you wanted to do. Yeah, but since then, you know, you've, you've been building a company. And did you have clarity? I know that you knew that you want— what kinds of things you wanted to do. Did you have clarity that you'd be building a company?

Um, I thought that that might be my only option.

But you didn't have everything done. You didn't walk into website done.

Oh.

You just were like, this is the next step.

Yeah, I don't even think I had a name or logo or anything. I don't think I had any of that yet. I think at that point it was just, this is what I know how to do, this is how I've made money, so let me figure out how to do it.

Let me figure out how to keep doing that.

Yeah.

So what has been the challenge for you in being a growing business owner? I'm gonna keep saying that so you can get used to hearing it. A growing business owner about this new season and how has the development of, you know, what you're building— how have you had to hear from God on that?

Like, oh goodness, it's funny because literally this morning I had a 7 AM meeting with one of the clients I've been working with since April and we're doing a reality TV show. And when I took on this contract, I'm thinking, oh, I've done TV, I've done live TV. Surely a show that we do in post-production is not going to need this much of my time. We're traveling 6 times in 4 months. It'll be fine. But it ended up being a lot more time-consuming than I anticipated and made room for. And so as a result, I have definitely missed the ball on a few things. And so I just talked to the, the person who brought me on today, and I was like, look, I know I have failed and sucked in some areas, and this— I hate it because it's not who I am and it's not the way that I like to operate. But know that I noticed and know that I'm trying to make it better and know that I don't plan to continue like this. So one of the things that we talked about was the importance and the challenge of learning how to work for yourself and and learning your capacity and learning what to say yes to, what to say no to, all that kind of stuff. And that's something I definitely still feel like I am, like, crawling still. I don't even feel like I'm at baby steps yet. I still feel like I'm crawling as far as learning my capacity, learning when to hand things off, when to do it myself, and all of that. So that's been a challenge.

So what are some things as you're building— has God— are you the kind of in this particular space as you're building this business, are you building it based on God gave me this big vision and I'm just plodding my way, making my way forward? Or are you like, nope, he's just giving me one step at a time and I'm moving forward with the light? Because I feel like those are two dynamics I see among believers. It's like God gives vision and you're just like, he told me where I'm supposed to be in 15 years, I don't see how I'm gonna get there. Or he gives next steps and you're like, I don't know where he's taking me, I'm just doing what he told— like, how do you feel like this experience is working out for you?

Like, I have both because I'm, I'm like a dreamer. I have a lot of ideas. I don't always know which ones to pursue, but I always write them down. So I keep an Evernote, um, like just ideas and inspiration notebook, and I'll just write in there if I have business ideas or if I have any visions or something. Like, if I see I see something that I'm like, hmm, that would be really dope if they did this and added this and twisted that. Like, so I'll just write down the ideas, not knowing if they'll ever materialize or anything like that. So in a lot of ways, what I'm working towards could become one of those ideas that I've already written down from years ago. I don't know if it will or not, but it's something that I'm like, huh, that'd be pretty cool if, um, but there's that. So there is in a sense, a broader idea. Yeah. And then there is definitely a specific week to week, like, do I say yes to this? Do I say no to this? Can I take this on? Okay, Jesus, what order do I go in today? Because that's been a challenge too. I wake up and think, oh, I have a free day.

Because, because if you've been at work, that's how every day feels. No, you don't. You're not in an office. I mean, you know, I'm here in my office, but I come in here and I'm like, oh, I'll get to it. I'm gonna time on social media this morning, and then I'm like, dog it, it's 11. I don't have enough time to do what I was supposed to do today.

Oh gosh, that's happened so many times. And I just started— so it got to the point where my husband now comes home and he's like, how'd you do today? Did you get anything done?

So you feel like it's both in. You feel like your ideas are God ideas. You don't know necessarily which ones will be magnified, but you're walking in the day by day as you have the things that are in front of you to do and as God leads, um, and you're letting him worry about how those things connect.

Yeah, and even as I've done things, because I know for me, for myself, for a lot of creatives, for a lot of people who have like a thousand ideas, you want to try them all. And yes, I remember reading in Ecclesiastes, there's a verse, I don't remember specifically what it says, but it says something to the effect of, you don't know what's going to succeed, so in a sense, like, try it all kind of thing. So I did that in the beginning. I didn't try it all, but I did try, like, a lot of different types of— and I do media and production and graphics and stuff like that. So I did try, okay, let me try offering graphic design services, let me try offering video production services, let me try offering producer services. And just kind of tried my hand at a bunch of different things. And then as I was doing it, I started noticing what I enjoyed, what I didn't enjoy, what was bringing in the most profit, what wasn't profiting me anything but was costing me the most energy. So I started refining, um, and I'm still in a sense refining, but it started as I was trying different things.

You talked about journaling, and I know you're a journaler. You talked about Evernote, dropping some things in in there. I think, you know, Habakkuk talks about writing the vision down and making it plain so that the, the runner can read it. And I love that scripture. I talked about it in She's Still There, um, and I think that that's a spiritual practice that we don't use— many people don't use enough— that helps you to stay awake spiritually. Because I think we have so many thoughts, but I think getting thoughts out of your head where you can— it takes— there's a processing that has to happen to get the thoughts out of your head through your fingers and onto paper. It forces you to clarify words, to know exactly how it is that you feel, to put it into words, to, to describe both for yourself and to talk to God how you see what's happening to you, um, and also to put down the things that are not yet that you hope to be. And I want to just pause there. We talked a little bit about journaling in the last YouTube Live, and I just want pause there and just remind everybody, journaling doesn't have to be something that you love to do. You don't have to be a writer. You don't have to sit there with your journal open for 45 minutes. If all you do is write down 4 or 5 phrases for what happened in your day and how you felt about it, you know, uh, like for instance, today I might say, you know, at home, YouTube with Candace, um, in pajamas, even though that's not what you can see I'm in my pajamas because I know how to do it, you know, in pajamas, you know, busy evening. And then maybe one thing that I'm praying to God about. Long journaling is great, but if I don't have time, having something to peg where I am and what I'm hoping for, what I'm praying for is still, is still really important. So I want to encourage you and it doesn't have to be fancy. I'm the queen of go get a beautiful journal. And then I don't want to mess it up. Listen, go get you a— the school supplies are on sale. Go get you a composition book, pick your favorite color, and just put pen to paper. It'll bless you, uh, later when you come back and look at it. One more area that I wanted to talk to you about in terms of hearing— go ahead, what'd you say?

I want to add a tip to the journaling thing because sometimes I do journal, but I'm not always consistent. And so sometimes when you become inconsistent, it gets overwhelming because you're like, I got to catch up for the last year. Yeah. So sometimes what I do is when I do come back to it, I'll just say something like, here's what's happened and just do a bullet point.

Just bullet points. Yeah.

So-and-so got married. This, you know, whatever was monumental in my life for the time that I missed that I want to remember and go back to where that meant something to me. Then I'll just bullet point it and write it all on one page. And now you're caught up.

Yeah, I do that too. I do that too. And I, um, and I had to give myself the freedom to do that or else I was never going to start writing again. Just, just put down the bullet points and then just, just keep going. Um, so hearing from God, you talked about, um, you know, writing down what you get in terms of dreams or thoughts, um, giving those thoughts back to God and saying, okay, if this is you, can you confirm it? Can you give me a sense of peace? Can you help me to run into people, things, uh, scriptures, sermon, whatever, that, that affirm that what I'm sensing from you is true. Um, and then getting clarity on all of it, not just the what but the when. So this happened with marriage too, because I remember you talking to me about your husband Dex, talking about, you know, I think he's the one I'm gonna marry. And y'all weren't even dating, and you weren't even like geeky about him necessarily.

Necessarily.

Like, you weren't like, oh my gosh, he's so cute. It wasn't that kind of like, I know he's the one. It was kind of a settled, you know, there's this guy and the Lord told me he's my, he's my husband. And I'm looking at you like, what? How you know? How you know? God said that to you? So, so was it the same, just a thought? You just saw him in certain circumstances and just had this, I think he's the one, like what, what inquiring minds want to know? Because let me tell you something, sometimes people get that one wrong. Yeah, the Lord told me you were the one. Hey, and I am praying over you. And it ain't, it ain't, he didn't, the both of them didn't get that message. So tell me about you.

Um, okay, so for me, we were— but how far do I go back? Okay, we first met in 2008. I was working at a church and he was working as a tour manager, and the tour he was managing was held at our church for one night. And so I had to coordinate with the tour people because that was my job. And so he was one of the people that I had to coordinate things with for the artist. And so that was our initial meeting in 2008. At the time he lived out of state. Um, I barely remember engaging with him until he found me on Facebook. Found me on Facebook, sent me a friend request. I couldn't remember who he was by the time he sent the request, so I left him sitting in my friend request box because I was like, looks familiar but I can't place him, so he's just gonna stay put. Um, fast forward, I'm cleaning out my friend request box and I decided to send him a message just saying, hey, your face looks familiar but I can't place you, can you remind me?

You're so nice. I just unfriend people if I'm like, why am I their friend?

The only reason I did it was because he looks familiar. I knew I knew him from somewhere but I couldn't remember.

Girl, a lot of people look familiar to me. I'm like, I can't remember. I'm just like, at some point I probably friended you and I probably would friend you again if I met you, but I don't even know. So I'm amazed that you even—

I didn't know. Let me say, you're friendly though.

You're a super people person.

I love, love, love people. But also, let me put that in context too, because that was, what, 10 years ago? So I'm in a totally different space in life now. So now people just say—

okay, so, so you met him and there wasn't at the time this googly-gurgly, oh my gosh, you know, he's so cute, I think he's the one. So this is a— okay, so you go to clean him out of here, you go to clean them out of your Facebook, and then what happens?

It wasn't even enough for me to remember him, the first one, you know. So what— nothing happened. So then we run into each other, and at the time that we— he engaged with me on Facebook more because he was moving to Dallas. He got a job here, and he hit me up and said, hey, I'm moving to Dallas, would you recommend some churches? And so I was like, yeah, what are you looking for? And he gives me a list of things he's looking for. And I never responded to that. So, um, just kind of left him hanging. And then a week after— I was dating another guy at the time— and so a week after me and that guy break up, I run into my husband now, Dex, at a concert, and we end up in the same suite. And so I'm asking around like, is that Dex? Is that Dex? And everybody's like, I don't know who he is. Nobody knew who he was, but somehow he ended up in the one suite that was the VIP suite. I go up to him and I'm like, "Are you Dex Rhys?" And he's like, "Man, you that fake girl from Facebook." And goes in, "You ain't never responded to my message," blah, blah, blah. I was like, "Ah, I was just about to do that." Anyway, from there, we ended up joking about that, then exchanging numbers. Because he now he's living in Dallas. We exchange numbers and he's like, hey, let's link up, because we had a mutual friend that we knew was a mutual friend that was coming to town. So let's the three of us get up. Cool. So we all meet up, we all hang out. I still don't know anything at this point. Like, at this point we're still just friends. But what did happen was I had a closure conversation, um, with an— actually, let me reverse the order. First order is after that hangout meetup I had a dream that I married him.

So then, okay, so then that's like—

that was the first—

let me present this back to you guys because I wasn't—

right, so the first, the first thing was I have a dream that I marry him.

Okay, so hold on, so when you wake up from the dream, are you like, what? Or are you like, like, what? Like, that was weird. Or are you like, hmm? I mean, do you take all of your dreams seriously? Or I'm trying to gauge your initial, I woke up and had a dream about Dex.

Yeah, I don't take— well, here's the thing. I feel like Jesus is kind of working with me on this because I used to take them a lot more seriously and like write them all down. I do have a dream journal still, but I haven't always written them all down. I haven't always brought them back to him and asked for clarity. This one, of course, I did because it was very specific. But now I kind of gauge. Like, how many— how much detail do I remember? How did I feel in the dream when I wake up? These are the questions I'm asking myself. Um, did it connect with anything that I'm feeling or experiencing in my real life? Is it something that was familiar? Did it feel strange? Did it feel off? You know, like, I'm asking all these kind of questions.

Those are good questions because you know what, I was sitting— as you're giving the questions, I'm thinking there are people who wouldn't even know. They're just like, I had a dream, what does that mean? So repeat the questions because I want— I want— there, there's somebody who dreams and is like, I don't know what to do with these, they're very real. There's, there's a lot of questions, but, um, just kind of repeat whatever comes to mind that you said or even didn't say.

Um, how much detail do I remember? Can I recall the entire dream? Who was in it? Um, do I know them in real life? Do I have relationship with them in real life? What did the dream make me feel while I was in it. Was I nervous? Was I tense? Was I excited? Was I happy? Was I calm? Um, I, I try to remember any details I can as far as what room did it take place in, or what building was I in? Was I in a car? Was I in a house? Or what colors stood out to me? Did I see a lot of red? Was it black and white? Was it, you know, just a lot of questions of myself. And the more that I can recall, the more important I believe it is.

Mm, okay.

That's how I kind of gauge. And then, um, I know like dreams, if you don't recall them and if you don't intentionally take a moment to process them as you go throughout your day, you'll forget the details. So in a lot of ways, I feel like it's God's way of speaking to us when we're at our most still, our most quiet. And if we don't have time to process that, then it's almost like we drift further and further from what he was trying to say to us.

Let me just put a plug here. Apart from your story and relationship, but this idea of us being still, um, Chendri and I talked about that last week, y'all. If y'all didn't watch last week's YouTube Live, we talked about, um, my friend Chendri and I talked about staying awake emotionally. And one of the things that we were discussing was the importance of being still. I just put some Aqua Notes— you know what Aqua Notes are? In my shower. So it's a notepad that suctions to the wall with a pencil holder that suctions to the wall. Like, it's on my list of favorite things in my Amazon.

It doesn't get wet.

It's waterproof paper.

What?

So here's the thing, how many times are you in the shower and you have thoughts and then you're trying to hold on to them, right? So, and then that's one of the things I'm like, why didn't I invent this. But anyway, um, but the point is, is that in the shower I get very creative ideas. If I'm in the car driving for a while with no input, no phone, no radio, um, and, and by ideas I don't necessarily mean like creative ideas for things to make or things to do. It could just be, you know, a thought planted about what one of my kids needs, or you haven't checked on your mom recently. It's just random things, but the space to have those thoughts, the space to hear God's voice, the space to allow your subconscious to work, um, because I think there are a lot of things that we know, they're just back here. And so not only can you hear God's voice, but your brain, your heart, your soul, and what God wants to do with you, they work. They just don't— but they whisper, they don't scream. So if you don't create that space— and sleep is one of those times. I can't tell you a number of times where I've gone to bed with a problem and woke up with clarity and a solution. I just needed sleep. Um, or, you know, I get— and that's why I think some of my best ideas happen in the shower, because I get out of the bed and I shower. And so a lot of the time, that's where I feel like the voice of God for me is gurgling up, because there's nothing else that's clouding my— he, he's, he's got a clear pathway to the front, if that makes any sense.

Yeah.

So anyway, that's my few cents about that. Okay, so you dreamed about Dex, that was number one. Keep going.

I dreamed about him, my ex, and our closer conversation says I had a dream that you, um, that you were dating a white guy.

That's enough, y'all, because her husband, he's white but not really. He's like, he's, he's chocolate. He's, he's, he's white chocolate covering up a core of dark chocolate. Not even milk chocolate. Dex is, is, is black as they come, but he's just not colored black, huh?

I know he knows more Black culture than me.

He does. And if you close your eyes, you'll be totally confused. So anyway, we love Dex.

He's white because that's what I appreciated about him. He never said, you know, like, I'm trying to be Black or anything like that. He says, I am a white man who is authentically cultured.

I like that. Not a white man and Black man, you know, a Black man and white man's skin. He's like, I'm authentically cultured. Yeah, yeah, I love Dex. But anyway, okay, so you had a dream. Somebody else says, I think you're gonna marry a white guy.

My ex-boyfriend says that. The guy that I was dating when, uh, when Dex first messaged me on Facebook.

That's like a double. If your ex-boyfriend says— it's like a double sign. I know.

Okay, then after that, my sister had a dream that we got married. And then after that, another friend from college called and told me that she had a dream that we got married.

And this had not been happening before? You didn't have friends that were coming out of the woodwork before talking about, it's your year, Candace, oh, it's your turn?

No, not at all. And, and, uh, and I didn't say anything. I just wrote them down because I— and you're like, what do you do with that? Like, I had it. It just sounds weird. Sounds weird. So anyway, I wrote it down and wrote down every time somebody said something. So that I knew, like, okay, this is happening. So I had a trail. So that was in 2012. That was over the course of 2012 to 2013. He and I did not start dating until 2016. So there was 3 years of just being friends and just hanging out in group settings.

Okay, so during these 3 years, is it like, God is still telling me that maybe he's the one, or were you thinking Yeah. And at what point were you like, I, I know, like, I'm waiting on things to progress, but I know?

I mean, I pretty much knew after all those confirmations.

Yeah.

Okay, so this must really be what you want for me.

Who knew first, you or Dex?

That's tricky. I don't— because he says he knew, but he wasn't making moves, so I don't know. So I, I like to think that I knew first, but he says that he knew since 2012.

So, okay, so let me pause here and ask you a question. What, what would you— so there's people listening. Ashley is one of the people listening, and she said, I'm going to take a shower to see what the Lord has to say. Okay, so I want to know If a friend— but let's just say it's Ashley. We have a mutual friend named Ashley. She just jumped on in the chat, and yes, I'm calling you out. If Ashley were to say, I thought— let's say she was dating a guy, and let's say she says, I thought the Lord told me that this was the one, and it's not the one. What would you tell someone who's— who thought they heard from God, whether it's leaving a job, dating a guy, think, you know, that the Lord— they, they have a sense of assurance, and then that's not what happens.

When you say— well, my first thought would be to ask, like, why do you think he's not the one now? Like, what happened? Because to me, the only disqualification is that he marries somebody. It doesn't matter if he— if God— like, for me, because it took so long, I thought he had other interests. I thought he wanted to date other people. We'd hang out in group settings and I'd see how he interact with other people, and I knew that they liked him, and I'm thinking maybe they get along better. And so there were times of doubt, there were times of anger, of frustration, and I'm like, Jesus, why would you tell me this in 2012 if nothing is going to happen until 2016? Like, why? You know, like, in the midst of that, there was this, you know, roller coaster of emotions that you go through. And there were times where I was like, I don't want him anymore, you can give him to someone else. So long. So you go through all these different emotional stages. So it could be that they're just in an emotional stage of frustration or misunderstanding or feeling like things aren't moving at the time that they think that they should, or at the pace that they think that they should. So I would start with those questions, like, why do you think it's no longer an option? If you were so sure that God said this is it, why now are you doubting? Like, what are your reasons for doubting? Typically when people share their reasons for doubting, it's something to do with their impatience or their thinking that it should look a certain way or go in a certain order. It's typically something to do with themselves and the way they're viewing the situation, not God's word changing. Um, but specifically, like, the man goes off and marries somebody.

Yeah, so that's, that's, that's situation one. You're getting impatient and you're doubting, but, but factually, God you know, God could still be telling the truth. But let's say that's the question. I thought he was the one. I thought God told me he was the one, and he's marrying somebody else. So does that mean I don't hear from God?

Not necessarily.

So what would you tell your friend who has that happen to her?

Now then, at that point, I go back and say, now why do you think this was God from the jump? Let's go back to the very, very beginning when you first thought this was God. What made you believe that and be so sure that this was God? So let's, let's hear what you were listening to, what you were seeing, and kind of, you know, sort through. That would be my next, next step. Go back to the beginning, what you first heard. Why did you think it was God? Are you sure? You know, kind of going there. Um, but that also gets tricky because you have two free humans Dex very well could have picked any of those girls that I knew liked him. He easily could have been like—

and been out of God's will.

Let me say on that point, if somebody marries somebody, you are now in God's will to be married to that person. So I don't, I don't like to say like he's— he married the wrong person. Like, no, if they— if somebody marries somebody, you are now with the person you're supposed to be with. It doesn't matter what happened before, the circumstances or whatever. Like, you are married. There is a covenant now. I am not about to like come between that or talk about that. So I would not have said he married the wrong person, um, but I would have probably thought I had the gift of singleness at that point because I was chilling in my singleness. And yeah, but actually I lied because I did tell God if it didn't work out, this is what I did tell God. I said, Jesus, because I believe it so strongly that you're telling me this If it doesn't work out, I am not going to believe in you. I'm going to have a really hard time believing in you.

Well, that— I mean, that is the challenge, I think, for a lot of us who, who want to hear from God, who are trying to get that right. Um, and then you have a circumstance where you think you're hearing from God, and like you said, it could be a— now you're wondering if you were wrong. Not because he can't still be right, but because there is impatience or frustration. And you're like, surely if I heard from you by now, you know, I'd have a sign. But I think that's the other part. I mean, there have been some prayers that I've prayed where I, I just knew, um, that what I was praying for was going to come to pass because I felt strongly that God told me that it would, and it didn't, like in a factual way. And that, that has, you know, and I've even, you know, quoted the scripture, um, from the New Testament a lot where I'm like, Lord, you know, because these situations have happened in my life, I struggle, so help my unbelief. Like, just, you know, I mean, and I, I do think I hear from him clearly. I do think that, that I have to be still enough to hear from him clearly, like you said, to distinguish between his voice, my voice, and everybody else's. But there have been a couple of times when I thought that I pretty was pretty sure, and in a factual way, that's not what happened. What, what I was expecting, that's not what happened. So, you know, that's a very real question. I know, um, now I know that sometimes there are, there are, there are reasons that we cannot control. Like you said, you know, in marriage, somebody else gets to choose. Um, but I think that there's that struggle, so that's why I wanted to address that. And, and, you know, there are some that would say you don't hear from God. You read his word, do what he says, that's the end of that. There is no other communication from God outside of the direct stuff that he's telling us in our words. So don't go making up, God told me to marry this person, or, you know, quit this job. Um, and I just want to make sure that we address those that are struggling with doubt for whatever the reason is. They prayed and it didn't happen. Um, you know, I have a friend right now who, who just told me the other day, she just— she, she said she was angry because she, she prayed and, um, felt like there was a person in her life who was sick that, uh, while she's— you know, she doesn't believe God heals everybody all the time, she felt that God told her that I was gonna— that relative was gonna get better. And they did get better for a hot second, and then they took a left turn, and then they passed really quickly. And so she's like, I don't, I don't know what to make of that. Like, you know, I don't know what's— I don't know what to do with that. Um, it'd be one thing if I prayed and I thought he was saying, you know, no, but why did I get a yes and then no? Yeah. Um, do you have any thoughts to share in that vein?

I do, and it actually makes me want to cry, um, because I've, I've walked through this with people before, and, um, just hearing them say, God doesn't hear me and he doesn't answer my prayers, and I've, I've asked him for this and he never, never answers, and it breaks my heart because I know how much he loves all of us. Like, he specifically He chose each of us to be here and on this earth, and he loves us so much. And I know that, um, the heart of the Father is not to break us down to where we don't love him and don't trust him and don't want to walk with him. So whenever that happens, I'm always like, no, like, that's not his heart, that's not his heart, that's not his heart. But our world is so jacked up, like, you know, we can't always make we can't always make logic and sense out of loss and pain and suffering because it wasn't supposed to be something we experienced from the jump. And so trying to, um, I guess in a sense associate those things with God and rationalize his love for us based on his answers to our prayers and how He responds to what we think is best. It's not fair to him, and it hurts me because I'm like, he loves us so much. And he did not— he did not allow that person to pass for, for you to go further away from him. He did not allow that pain and that suffering, um, to happen to your family for you to stop talking to him and decide to not be a part of family. Like, um, so it's really tough because you kind of have to let people be where they are in those moments. You can't, you can't quote scriptures to tell them, look, see, he said it's all gonna work out for you, good, just look right here, you know. Like, that does not— that doesn't fix it, it doesn't help a person. But what I do know is God is faithful to bring people back to him. I know that he's faithful to to receive them back whenever they do finish exploring whatever they think is the better option other than Jesus, and that he'll receive them back. And so, um, you know, whenever I've walked with people through that, I do a lot of— a lot more listening than talking, and I just let them get it out because I know at the end of the day, truth is what stands, and they'll end up back at the truth after they've gone through the processes of grief anger and, um, whatever it else, whatever else they need to process in those dark and hard moments. And sometimes it takes longer than, than for others, but, um, I just always pray that they come back to him because he loves them.

Well, let me, let me wind down our time with a couple of things. Um, one is, if you were gonna leave closing thought with someone who says, I really, really want to put myself in a position to be awake spiritually and to be able to begin the practice of living in such a way that I can hear from God. What are 2 or 3 things that you would tell them to do or to start doing if they're not already?

Um, I have one rule a really good starter for anybody. That would be very easy to start. There's this podcast I found. Dex thinks I'm so corny for it, but I love it because they're each, um, 10 to 12 minutes a day, and it's like this British— I don't know, they have accents, so it sounds even more legit. They're like from London or something. But, um, they basically teach you— not teach you, but they walk you through like a morning meditation called Pray As You Go. And so it starts off with like a dong, you know, so it's like, okay, we're starting. And it starts with a song, and they do music from all over the world, so you're hearing music in different languages, but it's all Christian. Um, and so you do a little snippet of a song, then they go into a scripture reading, then they give you a prompt, like they ask you a question for you to meditate on, they go back into the song, then they read the scripture again, and it only takes 10 to 12 minutes. So a lot of times if I'm having a hard time focusing or centering, I'll use that podcast to just make myself—

What's the name of that podcast?

It's called Pray As You Go.

Pray As You Go. Okay, so that's some support and some help for helping to center you. What else?

Yes, um, and then of course we mentioned journaling. That's a huge help for me, um, if I just feel my— if especially if I feel anxious, like I don't have time to write, I need to go do— I need to do this, I need to do that, I need to do this. Like, forcing myself to at least write something helps me to like calm down.

It's like letting the— it's like letting the fizz out of the bottle before you open it up. Yeah, yeah, a little steam out.

Yeah, that helps. And then, um, another thing I do— now this might sound kind of weird, I don't know— but another thing I do is I literally ask myself— it's almost like kind of beat myself up with it, maybe, I don't know— but I'll ask myself like, oh, so that's really more important than spending 10, 15 minutes with Jesus? Like, you just gonna get up and go about your day, act like you can do everything by yourself and like you know what's best to do? Like, I literally ask myself that question. Like, is getting to that 10 or 15 minutes sooner really going to make that big of a difference? And is it really more important than you sitting still right now and having some time to quiet yourself.

Yeah, just, just check-ins for a priority's sake on what you're making room in your life for.

Yeah, it brings an awareness. And sometimes, honestly, I will say, Jesus, I'm gonna be right back in an hour, I promise, I'm gonna come back in an hour with me to the car. And I'm like, okay, as soon as I get this errand done, I'm gonna sit in the car and take this moment. So sometimes I don't always make the decision, but it does help me to at least be aware. Yeah. Um, to be more conscious of when I'm doing that so that I'm not as like rushing throughout the day.

So tell everyone, if they want to get to know you better, where they can find you online.

Well, I'd say probably the easiest thing I'm probably going to be the most consistent with is dexandcandace.com. And also our Instagram is Dex and Candice, and Candice is spelled K-A-N-D-I-S, Dex is D-E-X. Um, and then my personal Instagram is Candice Reese with an S, R-E-E-S-E, like the peanut butter cup. Like the peanut butter cup, exactly. So I'm not the best at keeping up on social, but I'm trying to get better.

You're doing good, you're doing good.

I think I'm at about a C minus.

Um, and then your creative company is called— you got to share that too.

Oh yes. So my business is called Wildfire House. Well, Wildfire Creative House is our name, but the website is wildfirehouse.com.

I love that. I love it. I just think it's so creative. I'm always like, I want to grow up and be creative like, like Candace. So if you have enjoyed what Candace has shared and you want to hear more from her, she's always sharing fun stuff online, but always in light of her faith. She always shares her life in light of her faith, so it will continue to encourage encourage you. Um, thank you for joining. Thank you for those of you who came back after we had some technical difficulties and joined in. If you missed the whole thing, you'll be able to catch it all on replay. I'm putting together a Staying Awake playlist, so all of the YouTube lives that we recorded, uh, will be there. And if you missed last week's chat with Shandria, Staying Awake Emotionally, be sure and capture that one too, because, um, the point of these conversations, just like I do to do on the podcast is to encourage you, to give you practical tools, to equip you, or to educate you in a way that helps you to live your life. And I am not the only person who has thoughts. I have friends who have thoughts as well. And so I wanted to use this forum to share them with you. Y'all should be proud of me. I got dressed, I went and dusted my face with some— I want to dust in my face with some powder, put on a little mascara, even did something a little to my lips. Y'all threw this Now again, I said it's over my pajamas, but y'all will forgive me for that, right? I just had to look— I had to look the part.

Look, I told her I dressed like this because I thought it's great.

Yes, because she knows, she knows that wasn't nothing ready.

I ain't— my hair needs to be washed. I was like, hey, it's fine, it's Chrystal Hurst.

And then I show up just ready.

Oh, cute.

I was like, ready. I mean, it was like 5 minutes of cute, you know, it didn't really take much. Um, but I want to also thank, um, my my co-producers that help me to produce the podcast and the even what we're doing on YouTube. Y'all, this stuff is fun and we're trying to make it better. Um, there is a cost for all of it. And so I do it because I love you, but I appreciate those who have expressed to me that you want to support. And I love supporting you and giving to those that are helping me to produce the show. So if you're interested in learning about how you can be a support, please go to patreon.com/Chrystal Hurst and find out about the different levels of supporting and the things that I love to do for those who are helping me to continue to produce content like this. So I appreciate your time, and I also want to encourage you to put it on your calendar to tune in next week, uh, on Tuesday, same time, 12. And I've learned a little bit this week, so hopefully we'll have a smoother on-ramp. And I want to thank Candace for joining me. Um, okay, so I'll call you my little sister slash friend as well, but there are a lot of ways in which I up to you and how you, um, make space for your spiritual well-being. And to hear the voice of God is one of those— one of the many things that I appreciate you. So thank you so much for joining me today.

Thank you. You helped me to listen better too, because you ask really good questions, which makes me ask better questions, and I'm more aware of my life because of you. So thank you for—

so now you have planned out your day, and I've taken a little bit more of that. I don't want to be the guilty party for for making you be— as a person who works at home, screw up your day.

Here's what I did. I didn't make my next commitment until 2 o'clock, so I'm good.

Me too. I'm— are you learning that? Are you learning about margin? Is that something you're learning?

Good.

Yeah, because I was like, even if I can make it to my next thing, what if I just want to breathe for a second? Breathing room is important.

I didn't quite give myself enough margin on the front side of this because I ended up having—

because you were eating as we started. So that's all right.

I was eating as we started.

But the reason we have technical difficulties is because God knew you needed to finish your lunch. He didn't want you to have to do all that with everybody watching. Listen, I need to go get my edges done. You see, listen, I'm gonna pull this out so you can see because this is the real life, y'all. I want to just take it all the way out, and then I was like, I can't do that. But like, it's slipping all the way down to right here.

That's pretty bad.

Yes, but like, I mean, you know, the rest of them are good, but like in the front it's just slipping.

Is it just twisted?

Yeah, well, it's braided to connect it and then it's twisted.

I could fix that for you.

Oh, you can? A woman, a woman of many talents.

I don't have room in my schedule for today.

No, you don't. You don't have room in your schedule for like the next 2 weeks. How about that? How about I create that margin for you in your life, right? Anyway, this was fun. We'll have to do it again. Thanks for sharing. Okay, see you guys later. Bye.