The Truth About Confident Women
In this Sister Circle Podcast episode, Chrystal Evans Hurst challenges common myths about confidence and offers a faith‑based framework for building it. She argues that confidence is not an innate trait that appears overnight, but a muscle that grows through competence, obedience to God, repeated courageous action, and supportive community. Using biblical figures such as Abraham, Samuel, Moses, and Isaiah, she illustrates how saying “Here I am” and following God’s instructions cultivates confidence. Hurst draws parallels to physical strength training, emphasizing that both require consistent effort, patience, and incremental progress. She shares personal anecdotes—pre‑speaking rituals, skydiving at 50, and her own “two‑voice” experience—to show that confidence can be conjured and practiced. Practical tools are offered: a written affirmation (“I will no longer wait until I feel ready…”) and invitations to join her Inner Circle financial challenge and a 2026 Sister Circle cruise, underscoring the role of community. The episode concludes with a prayer and a call to take one small act of courage that week, reinforcing that confidence is built with God, effort, and fellowship.
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Have you ever looked at someone and thought, man, I wish I had her confidence? Or maybe there are areas of your life where you just simply feel unsure, unsteady, and unprepared. Maybe there's a story that you are telling yourself in your head about who you're not and what you can't do, and it is ruining whatever little bit of confidence you have. If that's you, listen, you can build confidence, but there's a myth of confidence that we all have, and we need to get rid of that and talk about it today. Hey, if you're new here, my name is Chrystal Evans Hurst, y'all, and I am all about helping women of faith living lives that are intentional and not wasting time. I don't want to stress you out, I don't want to rush you, but I do want to encourage you to move things forward in your life because time in this life is short, and whatever God has planned for you to do, it matters that you do it. There's only one of you in this world, and listen, the enemy would like nothing more than to have you rolling around in insecurity, having you rolling around in questions, have you rolling around in unsuredness, because you're not sure that God actually has equipped you, or you're not sure that God can do through you what he's telling you he wants you to do. So we need to get rid of those insecurities. But there are some myths about growing in confidence so that we can accomplish our purpose that I want to address today, because some of these myths actually are what keep women from operating in their God-given purpose, in their God-given calling, and achieving their God-sized dreams. So there are some myths of overnight confidence that keep us stuck because we think about confidence in a way that's simply not true. We assume that either you have it or you don't. We don't understand that if we look outside of ourselves and somebody looks confident, we assume that they have something we don't have. We assume that they naturally are confident or they naturally are assured, or they naturally have skills and talents. And even if that's true, that is— that has no bearing on whether or not you can build confidence. So the first myth of confidence is that you have it or you don't, that it is innate or it is not, that you have to have it naturally and that you can't develop it. But the truth is that confidence can be built. Your confidence can be built. I had an interview with Sean Cannell back in 2020 during the pandemic. And one of the things he said is you can build confidence with competence. And we all know that you can build competence because if you practice something long enough and you get good at it, that's competence. The assumption with competence is it takes you a while to get good at something. Well, what happens in the process of you practicing and building competence is you build confidence because you teach yourself that I'm the person who knows how to do this. We assume that when somebody has confidence, they just walk around with it. What if they built it? What if they kept showing up and trying it until they realized that they had arrived at a place where it was actually doable? What if confidence is built by competence being built because you just keep doing the thing, even if the thing is speaking out loud who you believe God is building you to be and what he is asking you to do? That is why the power of life and death is in the tongue, because So much of what you say to yourself often is you being your own best friend and building confidence because you are the first hearer of what you say. Your confidence can be built as you operate in obedience. Over and over again in the Bible, in Genesis chapter 3, in 1 Samuel chapter 3, in Genesis chapter 22, in Isaiah chapter 6, people were called upon to do big things for God and their answer was, "Here I am." And then they got the instructions for what God wanted them to do. How did they become what God wanted them to be? How did Moses become the leader of the people? How did Abraham become a father in the faith? How did Samuel become a prophet to multiple generations? How did Isaiah become the writer of the book of Isaiah and the prophet who shared so much prophetic words that we still refer to today? Because first they said, "Oh, you need me? I'm here." But let's be real, they all had faults. They all had struggles. If you read the Bible, none of them were perfect. And I can tell you that any person who has confidence and you look at them and you're like, oh my gosh, I could never be like that. I could never stand on the stage. I could never finish the book. I could never have that family. I could never be consistent with the Lord. I could never lose the weight. I could never have that business. We say these things because we look at other people and we go, they have something we don't have, instead of saying, what does God want to build in me? Which starts with, here I am. You've got to think of confidence like a muscle. Okay, now listen, we all like to lose weight. We like to talk about our numbers being good, and we want to be in a certain weight. That is typically the first thing that we've been taught to pay attention to when it comes to our health is our weight. There are so many other measures of health, which is why you should get your blood work done. You don't have to wait till you doctor— you go to your doctor to get your blood work done. You can get it done yourself. Did you know that? You can. But the reality is, is we— you can be skinny and be unhealthy. You can be little and have no good lean body mass. You can have the right weight and not have the right strength. And this is why strength training is so important. And if you do your homework, you realize that even as you get older, strength training is more important because you're losing muscle as you get older. And your muscle is what will keep you moving. And your movement is what will help you to stay alive, okay? You know, you start, you start dying when you stop moving, and you can't move well if you don't have good muscle strength and flexibility. It's super important, right, to move. When you go to the gym and you lift weights, even if you're skinny or even if you got a lot of fluff, when you lift weights, it is to build strength. And your strength is important, and we all accept the fact that you have to build it. You can lose weight fast. And not be strong. And your weight can be not a good indicator of your overarching health. So we do a lot of things to change the number of our weight, and sometimes we do not think about actually, are we healthy? And strength is a part of that, but you have to build it. Y'all, I hate strength training. I hate it. You wanna know why? 'Cause you gotta think, and because it takes time. I can get outside, I can walk out my front door, I can go for a walk and be kind of done. I can jump on my spin bike, work out for 20 minutes and be done. Strength training, I mean, yes, I can have some weights at the gym, but I gotta think, what was my weight last week? You know, am I increasing that by 5? You know, what's my position? You know, I gotta look at myself in a mirror, make sure my— it's just, oh, I don't like it. It takes time. And guess what else takes time? Building your confidence. Stop expecting your confidence to come from nowhere and understand the thought that you have to participate in the building of your confidence. I have two personalities when I speak, actually. I mean, I figure if Beyoncé can have Sasha Fierce, I can have whoever else that person is that I have to Andrea up in the background, depending on what's happening in my life and what happened the day I show up for a speaking event. I may be my timid, I'm not sure if I can do this self. And I literally, before I walk out onto a stage to speak at an event, at a conference, for a women's retreat, you know, for a training, for a leadership event, even for my own cohorts, y'all, I have to like check on myself. Chrystal, are you operating in strength today? Chrystal, are you— bring your speaker voice. I have a, I have a Chrystal quiet, timid, introverted voice, and I have a speaker voice, and I have to kind of conjure myself up. And then I thought something was wrong with me for having to do that until I realized that Tony Robbins, before he does an event, he does all kind of things to get ready for the event. He does a cold plunge the morning of. He has a rebounder trampoline behind the stage. Like, he hypes himself up so when he comes out on the stage He is that personality that can drive energy in the room. There is nothing wrong with you building confidence. There is nothing wrong with you conjuring it up. And there is nothing wrong with you feeling like this actually isn't me, because maybe it's the me you're learning to be. Over and over again, we are told in the word to walk in the way. So Deuteronomy 5:33 says, walk in all the ways that the Lord your God has commanded you so that you may live and prosper and prolong your days in the land you will possess. He said, I've told you what to do. Follow the plan. Like lifting weights. He didn't say anything about it being comfortable. He didn't say anything about it being easy. He said, actually, you don't even know the way. So I'm going to give you the plan. You walk it out. Isaiah 30:21 says, whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, this is the way, walk in it. What does that imply? That you need direction, that you're not there yet. So a part of walking in confidence is asking God, listening to God, saying, "Here I am," and then listening to the instruction. Which way do you want me to go? What do you want me to do? And when he tells you, you have not— you didn't know. So walking out your confidence is building strength by walking in the way that you need guidance to walk in. And when we walk along a new path, it's not comfortable. So the question is, is what does God have on repeat for me? Am I saying, here I am? And then am I walking in it even though I'm not comfortable? Because if you walk in it, what you will build is confidence. It doesn't mean it will feel easy. I went to Barnes Noble yesterday. I was looking for a gift for my dad, which I don't know why I did that because he don't want to read any of the books besides the books he has, right? And what book can I give him that he doesn't already have? But anyway, I got him a card. Yay. But there was this stand there for Little Women, and I don't— I'm like, is it Little Women month? I don't know why there's a whole like kiosk with Little Women. But Louisa May Alcott, um, who wrote that, said, "I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship." This is the attitude that you need to have in your life. I don't have to be afraid of the storms or the things I don't know or the things that will be hard or the things that will seem a little scary because I am learning how to sail my ship. You were built for the journey that God has planned for you. You were built to withstand hard things. You were built to stretch, to grow. You were built to develop muscle. You were built to be confident in your calling. So quit looking at other people and going, they have something I don't have. Maybe they were just built and you don't. You aren't privy to the journey of their growth. Just be committed to showing up at the gym, being committed to developing your strength, and being committed to hearing from God so you can develop your confidence for the way He wants you to walk. The second thing we assume about people for the reason why they're confident, the reason why they seem to be confident faster than us, is that they're courageous. They have more boldness than us. They have more courage than us. They have more willingness to do scary things. Okay, confidence does not require you to have consistent courage. Let's just say they are more courageous than you. Nobody, nobody in their whole life is courageous all the time. The difference is that some people will feel the fear and do the thing anyway, and some people feel the fear and wait to feel the courage. You build courage by pushing past the fear. The reason why Abraham in Genesis chapter 22 was willing to offer his son as a sacrifice It's because, first of all, he said in the scripture, I believe that if I have to kill him, my God will raise him from the dead. He just was like, I don't know how he's going to do it, but I believe he will. But this is also the man that, that earlier in Genesis, God said, hey, listen, follow me, follow me, and I'm going to take you somewhere you've never been. Okay, y'all, this money that I keep holding in my hand that I wish was real, it's not real. It's not real. It's fake. But I tell you what is real— us trying to pay attention to our finances. So this summer in the Inner Circle, we're going to help you do that. I'd love for you to be on the inside. Number 1, bingo, we got prizes. Do other things with your time than spend money. Number 2, track your spending. We got a 21-day financial challenge so you can keep up with exactly what it is that you're doing to keep the cash in your pocket. Number 3, there is a money financial course in there. If you just need to know what to do about your debt, how to save, how many accounts you should have, It's about focusing on your money, and I want you to be in the room to do it. And the good news is, if you're in the room to pay attention to your money, you'll be in the room with other women who are doing the same thing. And there is beauty in community and accountability. Go to thesistercircle.com/innercircle so we can do all the money things together. Abraham left Ur, where he started out with his dad. Abraham's dad was named Terah. Terah and Abraham went— they were on a journey, and they stopped in Haran. And his dad died there. And then God was like, okay, yeah, but remember, you were supposed to go. You're supposed to keep going. Don't get stuck where your dad died. It's time to keep moving. And he said, I'm not even going to tell you where we're going. I'm not even going to give you the details. Just follow me. The same man who followed God to a place he didn't know is the same man that, that saw what could happen when God opened up his wife's womb. So when this man got to the point where he had to kill his son, he was like, I don't know what God is going to do, but I know he can do something. You build courage by walking through fear. You build courage by being obedient. You build courage by saying yes when you don't know how, you know. And, and I know that sometimes you're like, I don't even— I'm not even sure what God wants me to do. How do you build clarity and what God wants you to do? You keep doing the best you can, like Samuel did in 1 Samuel chapter 3, to do what you think he's asking you to do, because God can teach you. God can teach you This, this was the wrong thing. This was the right thing. You learn to hear God's voice and walk in obedience. So you don't have to worry about being afraid. Building your confidence and building courage, it's, it's not about never being afraid. It's about choosing faith over fear again and again and again. And then you become the person who has courage. So stop assuming that you can overnight be a confident person because you automatically have courage. Assume that this is something you can build. Confidence does not ask, do I feel ready? It says, am I willing to trust God even when I'm not ready? Was Peter ready to step out onto the waters when Jesus called him? Probably not, but he didn't know that the waves would hold him until he put his foot outside of the boat. Y'all, when I went skydiving when I turned 50, the instructor, he told me when we were on the ground how the skydiving was going to go. And he said, now I'm not going to give you time to decide you're ready to jump. Once we swing our feet out of the plane, I'm going to count to 3 and we're going to roll out of the plane. Because if I give you time on the edge of a plane to decide whether or not you're going to roll out, you're going to have second guessing. And we can't afford to be on the edge of the plane and you be indecisive. We can get hurt. We got to roll out. So y'all, he told me all the things and I was— and I literally, even with the information, got to the plane when it was— I was, you know, going up and feeling like, oh my gosh, this is so nerve-wracking. Why am I doing this? But I mean, what are we gonna do? Go down? Which we could. But I was like, I'm gonna do it. The minute I swung my feet out of the plane, I felt— oh my gosh, give me a second. And he was like, let's go. And I said, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And he did not wait. 3, 2, 1, we rolled out of the plane. Because he knew that when faced with the big thing, most people will chicken out. Stop chickening out. Get to the edge. Of what God told you to do or what you know you wanna do and just go, just go. This happens if I zipline. This happens, this is happening 'cause I'm a little adventurous. It doesn't matter what I'm doing. Every time I have to step off of the edge, I have that moment of hesitation. Everyone has the hesitation. There is no overnight, I'm confident and don't feel fear. There is no overnight, I'm confident and I don't think. Am I sure? There is no overnight, you know, will this work out for my good? Everybody who operates in confidence feels that and does it anyway. So how do you get better about that? Because it doesn't happen overnight. You get to the edge and you jump. You want to know what my coaching is? It's me jumping. Do you want to know what my YouTube is? It's me jumping. I'm always trying stuff. And sometimes it doesn't work, and sometimes there is failure, but every time I learn. The Bible says in Deuteronomy 31:6, be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, for the Lord your God goes with you. Hit the stage, write the book, start the business. Be confident in the things that you need to say in love to your husband or to your family. Make the move. Go have that conversation with your boss about the promotion that you want. Whatever it is Move on it. Stop expecting the confidence to come overnight. Embrace the fear and do the thing. The other thing is they're confident on their own. That's another lie. People are confident on their own. Here's the truth. Confidence grows in community. Nobody is who they are on an island. John Maxwell says, and a lot of people have quoted him, you take your 5 most influential people in your life and you'll become just like them. So you better pick 'em good. One of the reasons why we've had an internship program over the years is because we know it changes things for people to be in the room. And I'm not saying that I'm the most important room to be in. I'm just saying I'll let people in my room. That's why we have coaching in the coaching cohort, because I know that it's important. It's not even just important to hear from me. It's important for other women to be in the room together. I was invited, uh, many of y'all know who Nona Jones is. She got a group of 5 women together, said, will you fly here? If you fly here, We'll take care of you. We're going to meet up. We spent 2 days in the room together. There's so much that's come and developed for me out of being in that room. Figure out what the rooms are that you want to be in and get in the room. Now, sometimes getting in the room looks like going to a conference, right? Sometimes it looks like getting some training, being in a class. Sometimes it looks like being in that Bible study or being at church. Sometimes it looks like asking for that opportunity, being on that task force at work. Sometimes being in the room looks like doing a book club with your friends. Y'all are all trying to grow, read the book together, be in the room as you develop. Create your rooms. Some of you need to change your rooms. Nobody around you is being productive. Everybody around you is not trying to achieve what you're trying to achieve. Change your room. This is why the Sister Circle is so important. You need to have circles. Yes, you can have your circle with your mom and them, but if you're trying to grow a business have a circle of friends who are trying to grow a business. If you're trying to be a reader or a writer, create a circle of friends who are doing what you want to do so that you can grow the way you want to grow. Because your confidence doesn't have to get built, and it usually doesn't get built, in isolation. Y'all, when I go to the grocery store— my mother used to send us to the grocery store, and we would go to like 3 grocery stores in one day. And in order to keep things cold, if we went, you know, normally we'd go to the grocery store that had ice cream last. But let's just say after the the grocery store that had the ice cream, 'cause we would have to stand in 3 lines and buy 2 gallons of ice cream when it was on sale to make sure we could buy as much as we could. You know, the family lines, 2 in this line, 2 in this line, and Mommy would be in this line. If we had one more quick errand to run, if it was super short, instead of going home so that the ice cream wouldn't melt, she would just make sure that the ice cream was together with the other frozen foods. Why? Because even if she didn't have an ice chest, the frozen foods would form their own cooler. She was like, if I keep these together, they will have in strength what they wouldn't have on their own. You need to be with other people who are doing what you're doing or trying to do what you're doing. They're like you, they have like minds, because if you're together, you can keep it cold together, you can keep it strong together. So you have to ask yourself, who am I talking to? Who am I spending time with? I was not able to finish my BSF study this year with studying Revelation because I had some things blow up in my family that I had to take care of. And so I called Michelle and I said, hey, you want to study Revelation this summer? We'll talk every Sunday night. I know I can do it on my own, but I'll probably more likely do it if we do it together. What are you trying to do? What are you trying to accomplish? And instead of thinking, oh, they're just that way and they're just that way on their own, What rooms were they in, and how can you create those rooms for yourself? 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, therefore encourage one another and build each other up. You have to have your circle of women. Be very intentional and ruthless about creating that. Hey there, I love traveling. I love traveling by myself. I love traveling with my husband. I love traveling with my family. I love traveling with my friends. And every now I pick a trip that I want to go on and invite my friends, my sister circle, other women I think would be fun to come with me. So in April of 2026, specifically April 26th through May 3rd, I would love to invite you to go on the first sister circle cruise with me. We're going to hit the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, and a couple of other sunshiny Caribbean places in between. This is your opportunity to go on a cruise where other women of faith are going to be, other women who love God, who want to be intentional about their lives, to have a good time, because people who love Jesus can have a good time. Also, if you want to bring your husband, bring your man, you can. I would love for you to register for that cruise today. Go to thesisterscircle.com/cruise to register. Confidence is not about the absence of fear. It is not about somebody having something you don't have. It's not about them getting there overnight and automatically being that way, or, you know, or even automatically having the community. Maybe they built the community they have. Stop assuming that she has something you don't, and stop assuming that confidence is supposed to come quickly. Confidence can be built, and you have the biggest role in building that. So what's one small act of courage that you can take this week to step into something that you feel God nudging you into? What small act of courage can you take this week to water the seed of confidence that God has planted in you? It might just be a seed, but it will grow when you do what it takes to build it. And stop assuming that everybody else just got there and got there overnight. Don't assume that they have confidence automatically. Don't assume that they don't ever have fear. Don't assume that they got there on their own or that their community was just organic. You do what you have to do to build your confidence as you build competence. You do what you need to do to take initiative even when you feel the fear. And you do what you need to do to build your circle even if you don't automatically have it. And all you have to do is start with one thing that you can do this week. I want to give you a statement that I want you to write down in your journal. And I want you to practice this get a blank book. Any blank book will help. If you've got the planners, write it in there. If you've got a blank book like a Moleskine or a spiral, that's great. If you need a blank book, here's mine— blank hardback, really nice. But write this down somewhere and work on this statement, okay? This is important. I will no longer wait until I feel ready. I will walk in what I know God said. Confidence is coming and I am showing up anyway. I will no longer wait until I feel ready. I will walk in what I know God said. Confidence is coming and I'm showing up anyway. Now let me put a little caveat in here. I will no longer wait until I feel ready to fill in the blank. I will walk in what I know God said. Confidence is coming. That's your assignment. And then you need to post that somewhere where you will see it. Proverbs 31:25 says, I'm clothed in strength and dignity. I face the future without fear. You can face the future confidently without fear, but you have to build your confidence. With God. It's not going to just be delivered to you, okay? You've got to build confidence with God. Lord, help us to be women who will say, here I am, Lord, here I am. Even if we have to present ourselves multiple times like Samuel had to do so we can learn your voice. Even if we have to go to the edge like Abraham have had to do. Help us not to hide. We know you'll come looking for us But help us not to hide. Help us to be willing, even in hard seasons like Isaiah, to say, "Here I am." And then help us to listen, and whatever you tell us to do, help us to do it. Help us not to have confidence in our own ability, but in your faithfulness. Help us to believe that we are equipped for every good work. Help us to believe that you will help us carry every good work to completion. Help us to not shrink back and disqualify ourselves. Help us to walk in our purpose, and if we don't know what our purpose is, what your purpose is, to walk in obedience until you reveal it. Help us to walk in the calling that you have given us. Help us to understand that even in uncertainty, that you are faithful and you are dependable, that you are our stronghold. Help us to choose progress over perfection and to choose faith over fear. Help us to show up fully, confidently, and courageously, because we believe that you are the author and finisher of our faith, and that along the way from beginning to end, that you are with Help us to be confident women, not because we feel that way, but because we are willing to participate, You, in developing that confidence as we practice faith, as we practice doing hard things, and as we do that in the context of our circles and community. Help us to be women who build each other up even while we're all trying to figure out how to present and walk in confidence as we build it with You. In Jesus' name I pray, amen. Thanks for tuning in to the Sister Circle Podcast. If that content blessed you even a little bit, you're going to love what's coming next. Don't stop here, go ahead and watch the next video. I'll meet you there.
