These 3 Decisions Will Change Everything

So I wanna talk to you about the 3 decisions that you will make in your life that will form the guardrails, the tracks, and the direction that your life takes. It doesn't matter if you are a mom at home, it doesn't matter if you're a business owner, if you're a ministry leader, if you're a content creator, it doesn't matter. The way this— these 3 pillars shape my life, create a life that I can stand on. Any one of these three pillars goes away, my life will start to unravel from the edges. My content will start unraveling from the edges. My home will start unraveling from the edges. You know that this year is about overflow and abundance. It is about the idea that we serve an abundant God who wants us to live abundantly. And how we show abundant life is because there's overflow. There's more than enough. There's some to share. There's some left over. There is an aftertaste, in the best way, of our life. John 10:10 says, "I have come that they may have life and have life more abundantly." And God means that. Jesus meant that from all the way inside out. But we have limitations on that life. We have boundaries on our time. We get 24 hours in a day. We get 30 to 31 days in a month. We get 12 months in a year. And then we don't know how many years we have. The Bible says that you live 70 if you're doing well and 80 if by strength. So, you know, barring the fact that we live in a sin-driven, sin-sick world and things— bad things happen, we get disease or our bodies break down, we can do our part to keep things going. But we don't all expect to live to be 110. We have limitations, and that should affect the way that you live. I want you to think about what it is that is not well about your life. My desire for you is that you would live the life of a well woman, because you can be in your life fully busy every day, productive, responsible. You can be in your life every stinking day, showing up for everybody, doing all the things, and not actually be building a life that matters to you. And when I ask my inner circle, what can I teach you? The answers to those questions were usually around something that is desired but not done. It is hoped for, longed for, but it is currently not the reality lived. And we all have something like that. You know, maybe it's the content that you want to create or the Bible study that you want to do, or maybe it's the parent that you want to be or the finances that you want to have or the body that needs to carry you around in it in order for you to live life well. How do I get there? At the end of the day, that is the crux of every person's question. I am here, I want to get there, what's the path? And for each of those things, having someone who will walk with you and show you the ropes— this is the way we should live our lives. Titus 2:5 is like, let the women teach the women. You know, the Bible is all about discipleship. Come with me and let me show you. One of the reasons why I avail myself in the Inner Circle as a mentor every Monday morning is because I wanna say, hey, here's what I've learned. Here's what I'm learning. I wanna break off a piece and give you some. But the best thing is somebody who can be in the trenches with you, letting them look at— letting you look rather at their life. The shortcut to living life well is getting the information from someone else who is doing what you're doing, who has done what you wanna do, and asking them, how they did it. But every person has to learn, and we all start life on zero, needing to do 3 things. Number 1, you build. Number 2, you set boundaries. Number 3, you live your life thinking about burial. You build, set boundaries, and you bury it. If you realize that the part of your lives that you want to see flourish, you have to put in the work in building it. That in order to see your life flourish after you built it, you have to set boundaries and that you get to take nothing with you, that everything that you have will release from your hands when you are buried. In my opinion, that's one of the secrets of living life well. Let me explain what I mean. Building is building intentionally. And many of the things that I see Inner Circle women talking about is what they're trying to build and trying to figure out how to to do it. You will not have kids that do well in life if you just kind of leave them to themselves. We know that children need parenting. So if you want to turn out children— no guarantee— but to put your deposit in for your children to turn out well, you want to learn how to be a good parent. What does that mean? You hope that you are paying attention to how you were parented, if you were parented well. If you were not, you take parenting classes, you read parenting books, you take courses, you, you pray, you read the Bible about raising You, you educate yourself for what that looks like, but you have to be intentional about the building process because a meaningful life that you build is not accidental. It is purposefully built. A house just doesn't end up being built because somebody threw some bricks on the ground and some piping, and then magically it makes a life. You are the builder, the curator, the constructor of your life. And that is lost on so many people because we feel like passively We should be given something that we have to go get. Building a life where it's going to require your investment. The reason why the Inner Circle exists is because we tend to tackle the day. Like we got to pay bills today. We got to run errands today. We are distracted by the important but minor things. Many of us know about the game Monopoly. My recently, my sons and I, we played a game called Catan and it is Monopoly, but hundreds of years ago. Like, instead of bartering with money, you, you have hay and clay and livestock and rock, because that is the material that can build a house or build a community. And I watched my sons and I, as we played the game, I watched them strategizing. What am I going to collect so I have what I need to build the life that matters? Many of us want to build a life and we're not collecting the raw material. You can't build a life if you don't have discipleship. That means you gotta go seek somebody who's doing what you're doing and ask them how to do it. You gotta read the books, you have to put in the time. And many of us are asking for someone to give us the answers when the answers are there for the taking. Building blocks are going to include consistency. They're gonna include alignment. Being in balance with what's important in your life, and being aligned toward expansion. John Maxwell says, every day I read, I write, I file, I take notes, I ask questions. What do you do on your birthday, John Maxwell? I read, I write, I file, I take notes, I ask questions. What do you do on Christmas Day, John? I read, I write, I file, I take notes, I ask questions. Right now we're reading through the Bible in the Inner Circle, and I already know that some of you Inner Circle girls, from reading the Bible daily, are seeing change in your mind. You're seeing change in your life. You're hearing the Lord clearer because you're doing it consistently. Keep in mind, it's not perfectly, but it is consistently. So when you fall off, you get back up. Many of us, the greatest danger in our lives is that we're starting and we're stopping. That's why our kids are confused, because one day we are being disciplined and giving them the rules, and then the next day we're watching TV and we're too busy to be consistent in setting our boundaries? The best thing that you can do for your children in and out of your home is consistency. The best thing that you could do for your spouse is consistency. The best thing you can do for building your knowledge of the Bible is consistency. The best thing you could do for your career's consistently showing up doing your best. The best thing that you can do for your body food-wise exercise wise is consistency. The best thing that you could do to build your platform is consistency— show up! Keep showing up and tweak as you go. And I know some of us struggle with consistency. So what do you do for that? Accountability. People in your life that will encourage you to keep going. Now, when you're building your life, the building blocks of your life— consistency, balance, and alignment, and expansion— how do you know where you want to build? How do you know where you want your roads to go? You want to go in the direction of the gift. So in Catan, I'm trying to build towards, um, a dock. I want to touch the water because if I can touch the water, I double my resources for my trouble. So in this game, I'm trying to get to the water. I'm trying to build towards my gift. What are you supposed to build in life? What gift has God put in you? That's why it's so important for you to know what the gifts are that God has given you in your persona, in your personality, in your desires. You build towards that. And you do that even blind in the fog, in the clouds, because that's where the double or triple benefit will come. I'm not gonna do anybody any service if I try to build towards being a fashionista. I'm not, it's not my gift, but I will build towards something if I'm talking about communication or if I'm talking about leadership or if I'm talking about aligning your life and planning for your life, I will do that because that's my That's my gift. I will— I don't know that I will do well building big conferences, but I do really well building events where people feel seen, small opportunities to gather together. That's my gift. One-on-one communication and seeing people and calling out the gifts in them. So what are the building blocks in your life? Work towards the gift, grow towards the gift, grow towards your interest, grow towards what matters. Keep alignment and balance as you show up consistently. And this applies in every area of your life. If you wanna start a podcast and you don't know what the tech is, that's fine. Write a list of the things you wanna talk about. Record some episodes. Nobody's standing in between you and the mic on your phone. You record the content because if you're following the gift, You'll get there. You'll get the pieces as you need them, but you have to be building your life. The Bible talks about the principle of building your life. The rich, uh, you know, you have the two men and one builds on the sand and one builds on the rock, but the principle is the same for both. They both understood the assignment. I had to build something. You shouldn't be out here floundering and throwing darts at a dartboard that you don't even know where it's at. Aim for something. You may not know about everything, but you can aim for something. And what do we aim for? The gifts. You have children, those are gifts. You have family relationships, those are gifts. You have content in your heart that you can't help but talk about all the time, those are gifts. Aim for them. With whatever you know to do, do it consistently, and then stay in balance with what it means to be a well woman, because your spiritual, mental, physical, uh, financial, relational life. All of that matters. If you can't say right now that you are actively building a life— now, building a life could look like a season of peace. Right now, I need to restore my soul. God leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul, he makes me lay down in the meadow. Some of y'all are in seasons where I just need a minute. That's still building a life because you're building towards wellness, the gift of the complete you. Looking for last-minute gift ideas for Mom? The Sister Circle Mother's Day Guide is here to help. From meaningful gifts to thoughtful experiences and easy ideas she'll actually love, we've got you covered. Download the guide now at thesistercircle.com/moms-gift-guide and make this Mother's Day feel special, intentional, and full of love. Second thing, that's the most important, that's foundational. Once you start building, you have to set boundaries. And protect what you're building. Because as soon as you build, that's like leaving your luggage in the trunk of your car in a bad part of town. The thief will come out because he seeks to kill, steal, and destroy. As soon as you're building, as soon as you have something of value, somebody else is gonna seek to loot it, to take it, to steal from you, to suck you dry, to crack a hole in your container. Anything valuable in your life will require protection. Right now I'm thinking about a message that's building. You may have heard me talk about this before, Inner Circle girls, but this message about Rahab, and I'm just on fire every time I talk about her. That's how I know I'm supposed to talk about her. The story is the gift. This woman who was a prostitute, these men come to her door because they are seeking refuge and she agrees to protect them. She let out a scarlet, uh, cord so that they would know where to come back. That meant it had color. You did not have color on your ropes unless you had money. So this is a woman who was able to provide for herself. So much so that when the, the spies said to her, Rahab, we're going to come back, the walls of Jericho are going to fall down. Anybody that you want to protect, they need to come into your house. Get your people, get your siblings, get your mama, get your daddy. If they're not in here, it's like getting on the ark. If they're not on the boat, they will perish. The city is going down. Let me tell you something, everything in life that you are not actively building will go down. If you don't take care of your house, it's going to break down. If you don't take care of your clothes, they're going to break down. If you don't take care of your body, we are devolving to a state of disrepair. This is why evolution can't be true, because everything we see, every evidence that we have, is that things devolve into disrepair. If you want something to get better, you have to put energy to it. That's the building. How you protect what you're building is boundary. You need boundaries on your time. You need boundaries on your energy. You need boundaries on your money. You need boundaries on your emotions. Everything needs a boundary to operate within. And if you keep crossing your boundary lines, then those aren't good boundaries. So let me tell you why people, when they're trying to get their finances together, Dave Ramsey says don't use credit cards. You wanna know why? Because most people don't know how to stop swiping when they pass their boundary. My mother used to function with envelopes. She would put her cash in the envelopes. This was the grocery envelope. This was the clothing envelope. This was the miscellaneous envelope. And when she was out, they were out. Many of us will never be able to build a financial life because we say we're building it and then we're living with no boundaries. We are getting the career only to spend more money, and we are more stressed with more money than we were when we had less. Because when we had less, we knew what we had. You start making more, you start feeling a little free, you start trying to get this purse and that purse. You're a Louis or Coach or a Birkin girl or whatever it is. And then all of a sudden, you know, you're making money, driving a great car, and why am I broke? Why did one catastrophe take me out? Because you're living with no boundaries. Your emotions should have boundaries. Everything you think, you don't say. Everything you feel doesn't need to be said right this moment. You have good friends, you have a good counselor. But yes, also emotions need boundaries. One of the reasons why I think we have a dearth in emotional capacity today is because people— you can feel your feelings, but at a certain point You get up and you keep going. I know everybody, I know the world is toxic. I understand nobody wants to be in their mental health and wellbeing. Cry about it. Go see your counselor about it. Journal about it, all the things, and then get up and go to work. Everything we feel, we don't say. We can't melt every single time we have an emotion. You want to take care of that, but everything going in or out doesn't deserve your internal space to run it. You are not an unlimited resource. Tell me about that, because I like to run. Just because you have the energy doesn't mean you do it. Just because you have the money for your kids doesn't mean you spend it. Just because you think you have the time doesn't mean you spend your time on that. If we had boundaries around our time, y'all, some of the hobbies that we say we want to build, we would be able to do that. Something is taking your time. Because there are people who have done 3 times what you're doing with the same time that you have. Now, I know there are seasons where the boundary on your time is, I can't do that because I'm raising small children. That's fair. I can't do that because I'm in school and I'm working full-time. That's fair. I can't do that because I'm working during the day. My husband is working at night. That's fair. But I want you to look at your time because everybody has boundaries and somehow some people with your same situation are getting it done. People ask me all the time, Chrystal Hurst, how do you get it done? There are boundaries. I'm not a TV watcher. I don't, I don't love sleep. I get 7 hours and I'm fine. Not a napper. Nothing wrong with that, but I'm not a frivolous time user typically. Um, so there are things that I'm able to accomplish that I can look at somebody else's time and be like, oh, well, I'm not a shopper. I'm not going to the mall to hang out on a Saturday. You know, I'm, and none of those things are wrong. But what I have found in my life is that the people I pattern my life after double down their time on the things that they're building, and they don't waste their time on the things that don't have a payoff. You need boundaries. Some of us aren't overwhelmed because life is too much. We're overwhelmed because we don't have filters or boundaries. The question you need to ask yourself is, what do I need to say no to right now? Where am I overextending? What is costing me more than it's giving me? Because boundaries are not about shutting people or processes or products out. It's simply about preserving what God is doing in your life. Your money is about preservation. My brother was talking to my sons about real estate. He was telling them, this is how you can be a millionaire by the time you're in your early 30s. He spelled it out for them. And the question is, are they going to do it? Most people would be millionaires in 10 to 15 years if we didn't waste money. For some of us, that means— I know you don't want to move back in with your parents. Move back in with your parents. I know you don't want a roommate. So my 22-year-old said, I just know I don't live by myself. Go ahead and spend all that money. There are ways to increase your finances and decrease your expenses. And what we like to do is live without boundary because we want to have it the way we want it. And without those boundaries on our finances, then we wonder why they're— why did they— why did they get to a million dollars? My life is so hard, you know, I couldn't do it. And they couldn't It might be hard. You have more options than what you're giving yourself. Saying no to yourself is a surefire way to get where you want to go. So boundaries, say no, live with limits. Everything you can do, you don't. So you build, you set boundaries, and then you live knowing that you are going to bury it all. You're gonna bury it all. When you know that you're gonna die one day and you say, when I die, how do I want to leave this? It changes the way you look at it. If you have a blended family, baby mama drama— for those of y'all who don't know, we have a blended family. When my husband and I got married, we each gave each other the gift of the girl on the wedding day. And I know what that is, to be— to try to figure out, you know, the relationship with, um, you know, the child figures out the relationship with her mom and her stepmom, and what does she call me, and who does what, and all that. But I'm gonna die day. And this child that's in my home, to the degree that I can be what she needs me to be, what do I want to leave on the table? Recognizing that she's not mine organically, biologically, but I still have given her the best that I've got because I understand that I still get to leave a legacy in her. This is how you live your whole life. It's not yours. Your kids, your money, your business, your relationship, your car, your husband— they're not yours. You will leave them one day. You will leave it one day. You won't carry it with you. What state do you want to leave it in? If I want my kids to remember that I was with them Some of the messes that they make, I will clean up later. We'll lay on the couch with the clean clothes that are not folded, or we'll scoot the things over on the table and just play the board game. I will choose time over a perfect home. Or my husband, I've said some things to him that I wish I could take back because they're gonna forever echo in his spirit, knowing that one day I won't be here. What will I have done in his soul? That affects what I say. It affects how I build. It affects the boundary on my lip. What business would I build? I could do a lot of things, y'all. You want to know why I'm still here? Because one day I'm going to be buried. And what do I know about the legacy I'm supposed to leave? Women connecting with women who love the Lord. Not super, super religious, You know, pie in the sky, so earth— so heavenly minded that you're no earthly good, but like on the ground, I'm just like, we want to have standards, but we want to have grace. Can you tell me what's happening in your home because you don't feel like I'm going to judge you? You know, can, can you not hide for 3 years an extramarital affair because you actually have a friend that will allow you to come out in the light safely? Can you tell me that you're $50,000 in debt so that somebody can help you get out of it? Can we have that kind of situation? Can we be safe with each other while we grow? That's my job. So because I know I will be buried one day, it changes how I build and it changes what I protect. So you've got to build, expand towards the gift. You've got to set boundaries. You protect the gift and you live knowing that you'll be buried, that you're going to leave a gift depending on how you operate. Your life is like a line. And on that line, we make decisions. Where's the gift? What's the thing that people are always recognizing in you that's calling out? Create your pillars around that. What's the gift in your finances right now? What can you do? Work towards that. What's the gift in your home? How do I manage this home? Don't try to manage it all. What would give you the greatest sense of relief today? Is it organizing your kitchen drawers? Is it cleaning out your closet? You know what I'm saying? Is it reorganizing your living room? Is it painting a wall? Work towards that. How do I become a better speaker? What's the gift? The people that are in your life right now that can't wait until you become a better speaker, that need your expertise or your experience right now, invite them to your home. Trust me, when you start moving in the direction of what you do know, other things become clear. Build towards a gift, protect that gift, and know that you will leave one day. And what do you want to leave behind? So my encouragement for you today is to remember those three: be building, Always be setting boundaries and always be thinking about the fact that you can't take it with you. What do you want to leave behind? He came that you would have life and life abundantly, but he also said, teach me. The Bible also says, teach me to number my days, because that abundant life is on a line that has a beginning and it has an end. And along that line, you get to choose. So you choose how you love your people. You choose where these adult children— I'm getting off boundary— you choose what you say, you choose how you spend, you choose how you learn and how you grow. And until the day you die, you get to choose. All right, y'all, hope that's helpful. See you next time. If that content was a blessing to you, listen, I don't want you to just get this once every now and again. I'd love to mentor you every Monday. You can join me in the Inner Circle at the club level to join me Mondays or to get the replay of the whole shebang that I do every week. I love to see you in the room. Thesistercircle.com/innercircle. Join the club today.