Think Before You Speak

How are you when it comes to thinking before you speak? Listen, we all need to work on it. So let's talk about it today. My name is Chrystal Hurst, and I'm so glad that you're joining me. You're either watching me on YouTube or Facebook. And if you just happen to catch me here, then be sure and subscribe to YouTube or follow my Facebook page. So whenever I upload videos or even go live for a little fun and foolery, you don't miss it. Listen, I know that if you're like me, that your tongue is something that you might have to intentionally work on controlling. I think we all do. And I wanted to give you a few tips about how you can actually do that. Before I do that, I want to make sure you also know that if you're watching me today and can't always watch me, then you can listen to the same content as a podcast. And you can do that by going to chrystalevanshurst.com/listen. All of my podcasts are there and you can binge if you want to. You can also catch this podcast on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, and Spotify. All right, y'all, let's talk about our tongues. Listen, I am not necessarily a person who wants to always talk a lot or wants to always have a lot to say. I actually think because I've learned that my words should be measured and learned that words really can hurt or help, that I want to be careful with how I use my words. But that doesn't mean mean that there's not some times where what is in my mind wants to come right out of my mouth, or what I want to say to snap back or to let someone know what's on my mind because they let me know what's on theirs, that it doesn't come out. There are not times where my emotions don't get the best of me and my emotions make the words rise to the top and force them out of my mouth. I need reminders all the time to be careful of what I say, and if you're like me, you probably do too. And so I wanted to just encourage you about the word that you use, because I need you to understand that your words are wonderfully, wonderfully designed to build up and to create and to establish, or they are terribly designed to tear down. Your words can be a weapon, and if you're not careful with them, they go out of your mouth and they can totally take the knees out from under someone, or build them up and help them to stand. You have that power. We all do. We never know when the words that we say to someone hit in a spot on a certain day that pushes them forward in their life or that pulls them back. And what I don't want to ever be responsible for doing is taking someone off the track that God had put in their mind because I was upset at who they were or what they'd done in one day. We all have bad days, right? We all have days where we want to read somebody the riot act and give them a piece of our mind and let them know how we really feel. And that's honestly where I struggle the most with my words, is when what I want to say, I feel like I need to say right out now to make myself feel better or to make you feel worse because you made me feel worse too. But here's the deal, there are some measures with how we can know if our words are actually worth putting out of our mouth. So there are 3 things that I want to tell you, 3 questions that you can ask yourself before you open your mouth. I want to be super practical today because we all know that words can hurt, words can harm. But the question is, do you have a process that you can use to think through whether or not certain words should come out of your mouth at a certain time. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:21 that the power of life and death is in the tongue. So literally, when you open your mouth, you are either building up, speaking life, creating something, or you are tearing down, burying something, causing something to die. It may be as simple as someone's mood for the day. It may be as big as someone's dream for their whole life. But when you speak, your words are having one action or the other. There is No neutral. Now, I do believe that it is important to speak truth and to speak truth in love, that we don't do anyone any favors by holding back on what they really need to hear. However, how we say what needs to be said is the difference between creating or tearing down. And you need to know that because your tongue is so crucial, it's such a small part of your body, but it has— it creates such big waves, such big actions, such big realities in your life and in someone else's. You really, really have to pay attention. To what you say. We're not even just talking about other people here, we're talking about you. I always have said that you need to know it's important for you to be your own best friend, which means that when you say, oh, I'm never going to be able to do that, or, you know, I can't believe I was so stupid, or, you know, I, I just, I'm probably, I probably don't have what it takes to— you are tearing down, you are undermining, you are ripping out the rug right underneath your own feet. You have to be careful about what comes out of your mouth. Now you can acknowledge your feelings, but even when you do that for yourself, you need to follow that up with truth. You know, I just feel like I'm never going to be able to accomplish this. But you know what? I also believe that I can do anything, that I can do anything that I set my mind to, that I believe that God gives me the power to do anything, that he has said he will finish the work that he started in me. You know, that you have to say what's possible. So it's okay to be honest, but then you have to— if you— if in your emotion you are emptying yourself of your yucky feelings, that leaves a vacuum. So you want to fill that vacuum up with truth. This is why it's important to have good people in your life that will speak truth to you and will build you up. This is why it's important if you need wisdom in your life to have people who are mentoring you spiritually, uh, in your profession, to have people who are mentoring you in the seasons of your family. This That's why it's important to have people that are there around you to encourage you and to surround yourself with people. We, uh, I, I know I talked about this concept in She's Still There where you want to make sure you have partners in the race, you have promoters, people who are cheering you on, and you have pacers, people who you can look to and say, how did they do it, so that you can keep going. Because trust me, when you run a marathon, your mind starts playing tricks on you. And when you run the marathon of life, your mind does too. 'Cause we get tired and we think, is this ever gonna end? And when our mouths start rehearsing the hard parts of our story, there's gotta be people in front of us that we can follow, beside us that we can run with, and on the sidelines that are saying, you can do it. Let's tell you the truth about what you're capable of. So this is not just a truth about you speaking life to you or speaking life to others, it's both. It's what is coming out of your mouth? What are you putting into the atmosphere? What in your head are you giving space to? Actually out in front of you? What does your soul hear your mouth say? Like, this is crucial because the first person that hears whatever you say is you. So what I'm about to tell you is about other people, but it is also about you, and I don't want you to forget that. The Bible says in James 1:19 that you should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. The, the idea that you should stop and think is super important. Ephesians 4:29 says, let everything you say be good and helpful so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Proverbs 13:16 says, wise people think before they act and then before they speak. Hebrews 10:24 says, let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. Like, your words should do something good. Proverbs 4:8: Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable—if there is anything excellent or anything worthy of praise—think about those things and let the things that you're thinking about come out of your mouth. Let your speech—Colossians 4:6—always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. Listen, the Bible in James talks about the tongue being the small part of your body Just like the rudder of a ship, it's small, but it can totally turn that large ship, a large cruise liner, in a direction. So you need to understand, this is very important. Your mouth, what you say in this world, is very important. So I want you to learn, if you have not already, to think before you act, think before you speak, and think before you respond or react. Now here are the 3 questions that I think will be helpful to What will my words accomplish? Okay, because your words, the power of life and death are in the tongue. Life means creation. That is a very substantial, powerful work. Okay, death means to kill. To take a life is a very, very, very, very major responsibility. To hold life in your hand. So before you wheel and deal words of life or death, you should think about it. It's just the principle. It doesn't matter if you want to say what you want to say. Think about it. Don't always have to be the first person to speak. There's nothing wrong with being quick-witted. There's nothing wrong with, uh, being quick with your thought. But just pause for a second before you let it out. What will my words accomplish? Because your tongue is a Since your tongue is a tool, you wanna think about what you're building or what you're tearing down. There is a time to build up and tear down. Ecclesiastes tells us there is a time when something that has been constructed needs to carefully be deconstructed and done in a way that is truthful, that is honest, that is full of love, but it still needs to be taken down. There are times when I have to correct my children. There are times when I have to say to someone I love, listen, what you're doing is not right. This is what's happening. I need to admonish you. I need to correct you. There are times when I have to look at my husband and say, listen, babe, I got to tell you the truth about something. And he may not want to hear it, but it's the right thing for me to do. Knowing that it accomplishes something is important. What will your words accomplish? Ask yourself, will it build up or tear down? There is a time to tear down. There is a time when, when you love someone and you have to speak the truth to them, and what you say will hurt them, but it's not being said to hurt them and leave them on the side of the road. It's designed to hurt them so that you're healing them, you know, right? When you go to a doctor and let's say you break a bone, and if a doctor has to reset the bone, if you don't have a chance to get some anesthesia, that will hurt. Resetting your bone hurts. If you have to go under the knife, under anesthesia for any reason, if to be cut, when you wake up and those drugs were— or off those good drugs, that is That doesn't feel good, but you have been hurt to be healed. So I'm not saying that there's never a time to look at a situation or a person or a circumstance and speak truth into it to tear it down. What I'm saying is that it needs to be ultimately to build something up, and we have to be careful about that because sometimes our motivation get in the way. Well, she just needs somebody to tell her the truth because she gonna hurt somebody, you know, she's gonna hurt herself. She just needs to know. Like nobody's telling her, I just need to tell her. Okay, I'm— what I'm saying is you may or may not be. I can almost guarantee if that's what— if that's how you're saying it, you probably aren't the one. But knowing that what your words will accomplish, because when they come out of your mouth, they will accomplish something. Sometimes it's great to say a quick prayer. Sometimes it's great to write down what you want to say first. Sometimes it's best to call someone else and say— a trusted friend— and say, listen, I need to say this. To my husband or to my kids or to my friend, to my sister, to my cousin, to this girl in ministry with me. I need to say this. Can you help me with my words? Can you help me? Can you hear what I'm about to say and tell me if I'm saying it in a way that is truthful but constructive? You got to be careful about that too, because that sometimes is called gossip. What will my words accomplish? Is there a point to my words? Will it— will they build up or will they tear down? And then here's the, here's the big one. And this is the heart. This is why you have to take time. Will my words bless them or bless me? Because often the satisfaction that we get from saying what we want to say is about blessing ourselves, that we are now relieved that we got it off of our chest. That we now feel better because we said what was on our mind, that we now feel free and lighter because now they are totally aware of where I stand. Well, did it bless them at all, or did it just bless you? Y'all, listen, that's what journals are for. That's what talking to yourself is for. That's what being in your car, turning on your radio, and screaming to the top of your lungs is for. Everything that you need to get out is not necessarily for someone else to hear. So they're, you know, get it out, pray about it. There are times when I have been in the car and I know that the people next to me are like, is she okay? Because I am having major conversations either with myself or with God because I literally am saying— in fact, I had a pastor's wife tell me once She used to ask God when she was struggling in her marriage. She would say, God, do you see what he's doing? Like, good man, but he is not doing some things that he needs to do by me. Do you see this? Do you see what— how— what— how I'm getting the short end of the stick? Are you— what I mean, she said, I— she said, I used to talk to God about this and I would do it in the quiet of my, my own space because I knew that I needed to get it out, but it wasn't for me to get it out with my husband. What will your words accomplish? Because they have the power to create or destroy, so they will accomplish something. There's, there's no question about that. They will do something. Are they going to do what you think and hope and want them to do in the context of things that are noble and excellent and worthy and true? Are they love and grace together? Do they build up or do they tear down? And, and this is the question that gets me every time: is it gonna be a blessing to me when I say it, or is it gonna be a blessing to them? If it's a blessing to you to get it off your chest, you probably should hold it. Because if you already know what you want to say and there is nothing to accomplish with them and there's nothing that's going to build them up or correct them in the, in the kind, graceful way, then the words actually have no purpose other than making you feel better. So this is something I have to practice every day with my husband, with my children, with the women I work with, uh, with the women I serve with at church, with my family. And listen, this is one of the greatest acts of restraint that we women will ever ever have, because we have a lot of thoughts, especially when emotions are involved. But a kind word spoken in due time is golden. A true word spoken in due time is rich. And a word that creates, even if it creates correction, in a hope-filled way, a word that creates is a powerful tool to have and to wield with intention. Listen, you are a powerful being. If you're a woman and you're watching this video, you were given from day one— whether you have children or not, doesn't matter— your biological design says give life. So does your tongue. Everybody's tongue does. But a woman, because of the nurture and the, the mindset that we have about people and how we see things in the world, means that our tongue has a wide reach of creation or destruction. So I want you to know that it is super important for you to remember this, that the power of life and death is really in your tongue. I was next to my mother's bed when she was sick, and one day my dad and I were joking around. And you know how you cross the line between joking around either into disrespect or into hurtful statements. It's sometimes the space we create to joke around with each other also means that we, um, that we take jabs. You know, you kind of, eh, get it in there. And I jabbed a little bit at him. It was related— something that I said related to his age. And my mother, I was standing close enough to her for her to reach out and tap my hand. And she had this furrowed look on her brow, on her face. Her brows were knitted together and she had her lips pursed. And she said, you have to be careful. Of what you say. Be careful with your words. And it wasn't about disrespect that she was correcting me about as much as she was saying, look at what you just put into the atmosphere. Look at what you just put into the atmosphere. Be careful of what you say, because even when you're playing, you put it out into the atmosphere. Watch your words. That is the counsel I want to give you today. Before you open your mouth, before you put your powerful words— words of creation or destruction, they are not neutral— before you put them into the world, are you thinking about it? Are you taking the time to measure what comes out of your mouth? And here are the 3 questions that can help you: What will it accomplish? Will it build up or tear down? And is it gonna bless them or bless me? Your words have power. So think before you speak. Wait before you use your words. Pray before you pump out of your mouth what you want to get off of your heart. And honestly, Once you start practicing this power of waiting with your words and you see how the words you choose to put into the world, what they do, you'll see what I'm talking about. You'll see what I'm talking about. The words that you use for others measured, they move mountains. The words that you use for yourself move mountains too. If this has been helpful to you, and I hope it has, then why don't you share it with a friend? Because I don't know anybody at all that doesn't need to be reminded to slow their roll when it comes to the words that roll off their tongue. All right, y'all, I'll see you next week.