Chrystal Hurst shares co-parenting advice centered on keeping the child's needs first. She emphasizes relentless communication about calendars and expectations, speaking positively about the other parent, and setting clear boundaries that reflect each household's rules while staying transparent with the child.
Hi there, it's Chrystal Hurst, and this is another Ask Me Anything. Denise wants to know if I have any tips for managing a co-parenting relationship. So first of all, let me just say, y'all, co-parenting is not for punks. Let's just say that parenting in general is not for punks. Parenting with other people who are not a part of maybe your individual unit or living in your house It can be a situation. So let me just admit that it's not always the easiest thing. But that said, the reason why you're co-parenting is because there is a kid or kids or children who you both love and who you both want to see do well in this life. So regardless of how you feel about the co-parent and regardless of how you might disagree, keep the main thing the main thing. They are valuable in the life of your child. And so if you keep that at the forefront, that kind of makes everything else, even if it's not a little easier, it just helps keep it in perspective. The first thing I would say is communicate, communicate, communicate, communicate, communicate, communicate. Don't assume anything. The way you run your house and the way you parent is intrinsic to you. If you are in a house with someone that you're married to that's a stepparent, there are rules that you're establishing for your house. The co-parent is not there, they're not in the house, so you have to Make sure that you communicate what you're doing, calendars, dates, events, desires, concerns. And if both co-parents aren't communicating, be the bigger person. You just make sure you communicate, because so much drama exists because people don't talk. Listen, if you're not with that parent, there's probably a reason. You probably were struggling from the get-go to communicate. The absence of struggle can define in a positive or negative way the experience that the child you both love has growing up. So as much as it depends on you, the Bible says, "Live at peace with all men." And one of the major ways we do that is by communicating, even when we don't want to, or even when we don't want to be bothered. The second thing I would say is that you do want to celebrate the co-parent. It will do you no good, nor will it do your child any good, for you to talk down about the other parent. However you feel about them, that parent is their mother, that parent is their father, and you having anything negative to say is not going to be helpful in the long run. Not only do you not want to say anything negative, but look for the positive. What is that parent doing right? What are they doing well? How can you reframe maybe some of the struggles the child has with the other parent so that they see it a little differently? Not only that, to show up and say, 'This is what I love about your co-parent,' that reinforces the parental structure for your child. What can you say good about the other parent? Compliment the other parent. What are they doing good? Are they in school and that's meant that in your opinion they're not doing a good job being a parent? Compliment the fact that they are working on making themselves better for their own life and for the life that they have to give your child. Find something good and don't just say it to the child, say it to the parent. You'd be so surprised at how far a good word can go. Y'all practice it, do it over closed teeth if you have to, but be a proponent not only for your child but of the other parent. Lastly, I wanna tell you that it's gonna require setting boundaries that you do have to communicate about, but what you do in your house is your house, and you can't expect the other parent to always do it the way you do it. So while we wanna respect and while we wanna communicate and while we wanna celebrate, we do have to acknowledge that if we're not in the same house, that we're going to have, uh, different boundaries for how we live. It's just the way it is, and you will have to communicate to your child that these are the boundaries in our house. As for me and my house, this is how we do it. And when you're there, you can do it that way. Communicate those boundaries in love. Do you have a question? Go to chrystalevanshurst.com/askmeanything.
