Tips for Coping with Holiday Stress

We are embarking into the holiday season, whether you like it or not. Are you stressed in any way? We're going to talk about it today. Hi, my name is Chrystal Evans Hurst, and if you're watching me for the first time, be sure and subscribe on my YouTube channel and follow me on Facebook so that when I share videos like this one, you'll be notified. I actually go live in the inner circle. My inner circle every Monday morning for a lot of foolery. We've actually had a lot of foolery this morning, and then fun. And then we put the buttoned-up edited part of our time together here with you. And today I want to talk about how you can avoid holiday stress. Now listen, as far as I'm concerned, the holidays are basically like an event. I mean, at what other time of year do you back to back to back to back have events? You've got your harvest season followed by your Thanksgiving season, followed by your Christmas season. And all of these things can involve parties and decor and getting dressed and gifts. And all of that equals money. All of that equals planning. All of that equals, if you've got people that love your cooking or people that don't, either cooking food for them or buying food that they will eat. It involves you eating maybe too much and then having to deal with the stress of the extra pounds later. There's just more during the holiday season. And even if you love it, you love the decor, you've had your tree up since September, since Labor Day, even if you love the dress and the color and the festivities of the season, there is more to do. There's more on your calendar. There's more to pay attention to. There's more to be prepared for. And that for many of us can be stressful. I know as a mom of 5 kids, even though they are mostly grown and gone, they still, they come back home for the holidays. I want them home. And having a bunch of people who've kind of lived out on their own and then they come back home, that's another form of stress. I mean, how many of you feel stress when you go to be with your people? You're trying to get all worked up on the inside so that they don't rip your head off, you don't rip their head off. You've decided in advance what you're going to talk about, what you're not going to talk about. There's friction, which is why you left home and left your town in the first place. I mean, we have all of these different things that add up to the variety of opportunities that we have to be stressed during the season. So what I wanted to talk to you a little bit about today is how you can avoid holiday stress. Let's talk about expectations. Often the stress that we experience is because we have a set of expectations for ourselves or for other people. And when we don't meet our own expectations, or when other people don't meet the expectations that we have for them or that they have for us, we don't meet their expectations, we disappoint, we frustrate, and we get upset, right? Our blood pressure starts to rise. We feel that anxiety feeling. We're trying not to say the wrong thing, trying to not say anything because they're getting on our nerves or they pulled our chain and we're going to act. I mean, it's just all these different things. But I want you to know that you can decide what you expect. If you know that every single Christmas or Thanksgiving of your whole life, when you and your sister are together, y'all drive each other crazy, lower the bar. Like, lower the bar. Like, just say, you know what, we are designed different, we are made different. And what I know about this is that this person is my sibling, this woman is my sister, this person is my brother, this is my cousin, this is my father, my mother, they're going to say, they're going to do. Just tell yourself it's going to happen. And then when you get in that scenario, then just when it happens, just say, I knew it was going to happen, and just smile because you knew. Define your expectations. We will be disappointed by situations, circumstances, or scenarios in which opportunities arise where we're going to run into what we already knew to be prepared for. It's all about fixing your mind and being prepared. So what do you actually expect? Lower the bar. Do you expect finally to have that great sit-down conversation with your mom? Okay, great. Hope for it, but expect not to. If all of these years y'all have needed to talk something out and you never have, I want you to lower your expectation. Hope for the best, but lower the expectations. Even for your food, okay? Don't go in the kitchen and say, okay, I've never made a Thanksgiving meal before, but I'm going to cook 19 dishes and I'm going to be Martha Stewart. No, lower your expectation. If you choose to go into the kitchen and let's say you want to make 9 dishes, right? Decide in advance that 3 of those are not going to be good if you've made them, if you've not made them in advance, or lower your expectations on the front end and say, I'd like to cook 9. That's dumb by myself if I've never done that before. I'm going to make 3 or 4 and I'm going to outsource The other 3 or 4, it's not too late for you to put in some orders for the things that you know your family wants to eat around Christmas dinner. I was talking to one of my friends the other day and she said, "Oh, we gave up Thanksgiving dinner a long time ago." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "'Cause we don't like Thanksgiving dinner." So I'm slaving over Thanksgiving dinner every year and then nobody really wants to eat cranberry sauce and turkey. So we decided for ourselves, we like brunch. So I made pancakes or waffles and an egg casserole and we were all happy. Lower the bar. What really is for you to do is for you to engage in and stop imagining or creating these circumstances and setting yourself up for disappointment. So lower your expectations, let go of self-imposed expectations, and allow for imperfection. Be okay with plastic tablecloths or paper plates. Okay, give yourself some grace. Here's another thing. I want you to decide, of all the things that you could do, of all the things that you could engage in, of all the money that you could spend, of all the parties you can attend, of all the traditions that you could create, what matters most to you? So you want to define your expectations and then define what matters most. Is it really spending time with your family? Well, I can guarantee you that you will be frustrated if You are always in the kitchen doing all the things, or always running around doing the shopping, or spending a million hours wrapping presents that the kids are gonna open and play with for 5 minutes. When really what you want is time with your family. So if that means you're gonna cook less, if that means you're gonna do less, if that means you're gonna spend less so that you can do the puzzle, watch the movies, engage in activities with your family, do less. But you will always be frustrated with wrong expectations if you're ignoring what actually matters most to you. Focusing on the reason for the season, I'm so excited about one of the things that we are doing in our Inner Circle this December, and that is creating a reading plan to read through the Bible in preparation for remembering the coming of the Messiah. And honestly, y'all, and you already know this, we get embroiled in the holiday season doing things that have nothing to do with the season. And so we'll do, you know, like a nod to we went to a Christmas play or a nod to, you know, we talked, we said the Christmas story with our kids, but really, are you really doing what matters most and focusing on what matters most for the season. If you get to the end and you're lamenting all the money that you've spent for people that, you know, it was an obligatory gift, or you're lamenting all of the time that you've spent, the stress, or the time in the kitchen even, and you're like, "I really wish I could have spent more time doing something for someone else." Well, now's the time to say, "That actually matters to me, and I'm going to be intentional about figuring out where there's a homeless ministry that I can serve, or figuring out where there's a food pantry that I can stock, or asking God to guide my eyes and my heart to someone who I can bless this holiday season who cannot provide gifts for their children. Like, when you think about defining what matters to you most ahead of time— see, this is the thing, you still get to be ahead of time right now. Lower your expectations for the things that you already know you're going to run into, and then define what matters most and get ahead of yourself with putting those things on your calendar. I have a very busy life.. But I know what's important to me often because of regret. Like I finished the season and I already know that if I finish the season like I did last season or the season before that, these are the things I'm going to lament while I'm preparing this season to insert the things that matter most to me ahead of time, to put them on the calendar, to decide that I'm going to do them, to invite the people in advance or to set aside the time for me, right? I want to watch some Christmas movies with my kids. My boys that are home, they want to watch, they want to play video games. Well, that's not what I want to do. That's not the memory that I want to create. So in order for me to do that, I have to tell them in advance. Deciding what matters most to you, it also helps you because whoever you need to communicate that with, your family, your friends, your children, your girlfriends, you want to go out, "Hey, this season, y'all, I want to see you. So on this date, I'd like for us to plan to do X, Y, and Z." Deciding what matters most helps you to get ahead of your time in planning. Okay? And here's the other thing that I want to make sure you remember. Keep it simple. We do way too much. I know many people have this rule when it comes to Christmas gifts for others, particularly your children: something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read. I'll say that again for you. Something, like as in one thing they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read. Most of our kids, y'all, they don't need nothing. Can we just tell the truth? First world problems, honestly. And what I can tell you is we have— we complain about it when they become teenagers. Can I just get on my parenting bandwagon for just a second? We complain about it when they become teenagers and when they become entitled and when they just are looking for us to hand them everything that they need. But we built that when they're 2. We invest in selfish children when they're toddlers. So if you have little children, don't do it. Lower the bar. And I know that, you know, sometimes we have children in a family where, you know, your parents give them gifts and then the grandparents give them gifts and then the, you know, the aunt gives them gifts, and that's fine. But I'm just saying Keep it simple, right? Remind them that it's a season to remember other people. My boys, because they're boys, they hate the whole hospitality thing. But let me tell you something, my boys can set up for a major meal. One can make coffee, they all can clean up, they can set out dishes, they know how to reheat food, they help me, they're going to be helping me in the kitchen chop garlic. But all the foolery that I do in preparation for the meats and the stuffings and the sides and the chopping and all that. And you know what? They hate every second of it. But I have decided in advance that what matters most to me is that it's not lone mom in the kitchen, that cooking and togetherness and preparing for togetherness is a family thing. I don't want my teenagers, girls or boys, to be sitting on the couch sleeping all the time. I mean, I want them to have a good time too. I want them to remember the smells of the kitchen with their mom in the kitchen and all that. But I also don't want to resent the fact that I always did all the work. So because that matters most to me, I want to simplify by making sure that what what I'm doing is not only for me to do, but they're participating. They're participating in the process. And I'm also not overindulging. That the holidays is a time, yes, where we do rest, but we do work. But we're working to provide and to plan for memories that we will have later. Often with my big kids, I say, "Listen, when you were little, this was an effort-free holiday for you. Right? So we're going to keep things really simple. But simple also means your job as a 16-year-old is to make this really fun for your 2-year-old nephew." like we all participate. So simplify, even for yourself, and the gifts that you give. You know, um, I have things that I fall in love with and everybody gets it. I'm not, you know, I'm not trying to— and I just— I'm so sorry, y'all know I don't like to shop, y'all know this. And I tried, I went to the mall and I just walked in stores and I was like, this is dumb, the amount of money this stuff costs. It's dumb. Like, I would rather think of people who could really use the money and get the people in my life that I love on year-round things that they can use, things that I love for them. Just keep it simple. Invite them into my home. And the money— can I write a check to somebody who actually is about to lose their home? That's, that's what I want to do. So I'm saying simplify. Keep what's important important. Don't feed the consumerism giant. Teach your people, your family, your friends. What can we do together to serve another family? Instead of being consumers, be prosumers, producers of joy and happiness and giving for other people. It's a mindset. And here's the last thing that I want to say. Schedule in time for margin. Okay, let me review. I want you to set solid expectations for yourself and other people. I want you to decide what matters most to you. I want you to simplify, simplify, Keep it simple, sister. And then I want you to schedule in margin, because if you don't, you will be exhausted and mad at the world the first week of January for all the things that you did to create memories and to have a good time and to be the great mom and the auntie and the sister and the friend. Don't wait until the first week of January to recover. Recover along the way. Say, this day I'm not doing anything. Y'all, prioritize people over perfection. Delegate, ask for help, allow some stuff not to get done this year. Put it on your list for next year. You can avoid the holiday stress by bringing everything down a thousand. Now, I believe in lists. Every year I write down what I wish I would've seen, what I wish I would've done, and next year then I plan for it. But just because I feel the angst this year doesn't mean I have to do it this year. Just because I find a great recipe for that thing this year doesn't mean that I have to bake it this year. Just because I remember that this person, I should've spent time with them, doesn't mean now I have to squeeze it in at the last minute. Woosa! Bring it down. Bring it down. You will avoid the holiday stress by deciding what you want to do, letting a lot of things go by the wayside, taking your time, and simplifying. Lower the expectations. You don't have to do all of the things that all of the people have ever done in all of history for Christmas. If Pinterest is making you crazy, get off of it. If Instagram is making you feel inadequate, shut it down. Focus on creating the memories that you want for your season. And then set expectations, simplify, and do what matters most to you. And if you miss it, plan to do it next time. Don't worry, we all know these years cycle around really, really quickly, don't they? Next year will be here before you know it. One little last tip I want to tell you: try to be organized. If you need help, Google holiday organization. There are a lot of things out there to help you. Who knows, maybe one year I'll put my list of preparation for the holidays for you. For Thanksgiving, I have this whole like 5-day situation. 5 days before, 4 days before, 3 days before, 2 days before, day before, late night, morning of, 2 hours before. Like, I had to map that thing out, and I'm starting to build my mapping out for Christmas because y'all, we do I do this every year, it's on repeat. So if you can schedule and think in advance, shop in advance, stock up in advance, preparing in advance will be helpful. And again, if this season makes you crazy looking at what everybody else is doing, get off of social media. Now, if you're subscribed to my YouTube channel or you're following me on Facebook, when I'm here to talk to you, you'll get that in email. So you don't even have to worry about that. But in terms of having notifications pop up on your phone all the time from all of the apps, Bring it down. Get your hot cocoa, your hot chocolate, your eggnog, spiked or not. Enjoy your season. Start your fireplace. Get your onesies together. Find your favorite blankets. Watch your holiday movies. Invite your friends. Do what you love. Here's— if you don't hear anything else that I've said today, here's what I want you to remember: Jesus came onto earth to be born, to put on human flesh, to live a whole perfect life, to die a very painful death. But when he arrived, he was thinking about you. This season is about Jesus loving you. And here's what I can tell you that Jesus does not want for you in this season. Because of what the world has done to create a very consumer-driven holiday, he does not want for you to be stressed. He does not want your people to be stressed. He does not want you to not enjoy the season. What he wants you to do is keep the centering reasons of the season front and center for you. It really is about love and you transmitting the love that Jesus had for you to others. And if the work of the holiday season gets in the way of you doing that, start shutting stuff down. Shut it down until you get back to the core of you. I will say this like my mother said it once: the holidays and what you do during the holiday seasons should be an overflow of you. What do you love? Do more of that. Jesus loved you, so he gave the whole world the opportunity to experience his love for them by being present. You get to do the same. So I hope this has been helpful to you. Take some time, write a list, check it twice. Don't be naughty. Try to be nice. Lower your expectations. Decide what matters most. Simplify, simplify, simplify. Schedule in margin. And then as much as you can, get prepared. Whatever you can't do this season, let it go so that you can live. All right, y'all. I hope this has been helpful to you. If it has been, share it, comment below, and I would love to know what is the most stressful thing that you, um, find in this season. And I would also love to know what is the thing you love most. Talk about it in the comments, and maybe what you see in the comments from other people will encourage you. Have a great week.