What to Do When it's Hard to Rest

Sometimes in life, y'all, you want to build confidence, and the only way that you think you can build confidence is if you have a life of hustle, that you get out there in these streets and you do the most, and that you are the most, and that you accomplish the most. But here's what I know to be true, even if I'm struggling to execute it on in my own life every day. Here's what I believe to the core of my being: in order to be competent, in order to be accomplished, in order to have confidence, you don't have to be a hustle honey, okay? That you can inculcate rest into your life and rhythm into your life and still have accomplishment, still be confident, still have competence. But I have to be honest and tell you, I'm not the girl, because I'm the girl out here trying to do everything all the time. So I'm going to talk to you about something that's truth for me, but also truth that I am in the process of learning. And my prayer is that as I teach this to you today, that I will be learning myself. I truly do believe that God wants us to live lives of rest. Productive lives, yes, but lives where we're not always hustled and not always burnt out. Do I have that mastered? No. Am I working on it still in my 50s? Uh-huh, I am. So the good news is, if I'm out here learning and growing and you're here watching me, that we can learn and grow together. So y'all, let's talk about why rest feels wrong, how you can have confidence without the hustle, and what we all can do to learn this together. All right, let's jump into this. When was the last time you were able to rest without guilt? Now see, if you're a hustle person, you might not even be able to think of the last time that happened. If you're not a hustle person, you'll be like, I took a nap yesterday. What's y'all's problem? There is a story that we are usually telling ourselves about accomplishment and competence and rest. Some of us struggle with this idea of rest because for us, when we rest, it borders on laziness. Like, you don't have to tell us twice to Netflix and chill the whole weekend by ourselves. Some of us, you have to tell us to rest because if we took a nap, we would feel like, oh my gosh, how am I going to be ready for Monday morning? We have a complicated relationship with this idea of operating with confidence and competence and accomplishment in our life and the balance and the appropriateness of rest and how we use it. Some of us are like, no, I believe in the Sabbath because God said to keep it holy? Are y'all walking in sin? Like, literally, what is rest? What is trust? How do we balance that with accomplishment, confidence, and competence? And how do we still get things done while resting, which should be a part of how we live our lives? There is a pace that we have to acknowledge that we're living. Are we living a pace of culture? Are we living the pace that God offers? If you're not even asking these questions, that's actually the biggest problem. I don't know that the answers to any of these questions set you up to be right or wrong. I think it sets you up to be aware and aware and paying attention to the rhythm that God wants you to have in your life, that's where the getting gets good. Because God does, in different seasons of your life, have a rhythm and a pace that will work for you. The rhythm and the pace that you have when you have small children and you're operating on no sleep is different than the rhythm and the pace that you have when you're an empty nester. The rhythm and the pace that you have when you are in your 20s hustling— and if you're in your 20s and you're a Gen Zer, there's nothing wrong with a little hustle, there's There's nothing wrong with working a little extra. Yes, have your mental life in check, but also put in your time. There's nothing wrong with doing a little bit more because you have the capacity to grow at a different pace. My son recently brought home a puppy. Y'all, it's a Labrador Retriever. Why couldn't he have gotten a Goldendoodle that doesn't shed? I don't know, but he didn't. And not only did he not get the Goldendoodles or the Golden Retrievers, which are a little more laid back, he got a Labrador, the ones that really need to run and play. Here's my only solace. The only solace is that about a year, this, this little puppy, he's beautiful, he should start leveling out just a little bit. Definitely around the time he's 2 or 3, which seems forever from now, even though he's a Labrador, he will be a little bit more chill. It is the right thing in this season of that little pup's life, who does still need to stay out of my kitchen and off my furniture, but it is the right thing for this little puppy to want to run and play. He has energy to get rid of. He has, he has excitement that he wants to spend. He is so happy when my son throws the Frisbee and gets outside and runs with him. That's the season that he's in. There are seasons in your life where you should be running. There are seasons in your life where you will have the capacity and you will have the time to do just a little bit more. So don't confuse what I'm about to say about rest and trust and, um, and, and rejecting hustle with lay down if it's your season to run a little bit. The key thing is balance. It's balance. And what happens is when we are carrying invisible checklists in our minds of the things that we're supposed to do and we can't release this mindset of always producing or always performing or always proving because we're running so that other people can say good job, or because we think society says run this fast when we can't release it because of a struggle. That's— there's a difference between knowing it's your season and knowing you're in struggle. And when you realize that the heaviness is not about healthy work or healthy engagement, then you've got to ask yourself, what story are you telling yourself about rest and trust? Because the culture would have us to wear busyness like a badge when God is calling us to wear trust like a testimony. So ask yourself, why am I running? Why am I resting? Why am I hustling? Am I really healthy? You've got to ask yourself constantly and take this to God and say, am I in a good place? Because there is also the opposite that's true. Well, you know, I got to take care of my mental health, and the world is passing you by because you have glorified to an unhealthy degree this idea of taking a nap and taking a load off your feet. There are seasons where you hustle a little bit, but there are more seasons where we want to be healthy spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. And knowing the difference is key. So let's think about this. Why often does rest feel wrong for those of us who are trying to get off the hustle train, me included? Well, first of all, we confuse rest with rebellion. We think about, okay, I'm sitting down, my mind is racing, my body may be still, but my soul is pacing. And because I feel like if I sit down, I'm not dealing with the things that are in my head or in my heart, it's wrong. And rest feels wrong. It feels like I'm rebelling against all the things that I have to do by choosing to sit. We, we associate rest with quitting or rest with laziness. And so because we are anti-quitting and anti-laziness, it feels rebellious to all the things that we need to do. Okay, Isaiah 30:15 says, 'in returning and rest you will be saved. In quietness and in trust will be your strength.' So let's digest that for a second. Salvation can be in rest, and your strength can be in trust. And trust enables you to take a load off and just sit down for a second. Just because you take a break, just because you say, 'I'm not coming,' just because you lay down for no reason other than, 'I just need to slow my mind,' just because you choose, because you can, to go to bed a little earlier or sleep a little longer or take that nap with a list of things to do, that does not mean you are operating in rebellion towards the things that need to be done. Now, sometimes it is, and you got to know the difference, because sometimes taking a nap is full-blown procrastination for something you know good and well you have the strength and ability to do. You just want to do it, and you're operating in a pattern of avoidance. But that's why you have to know the difference. And this is where the Holy Spirit comes in, because the Holy Spirit will tell you Should you buckle down and get it done or take a break? I got it. For most of us, I would venture to say, because we want to live our lives well and we want to do things the right way, we look at rest or napping or letting it go until tomorrow as, "Man, I should have just gotten that done." And you've got to check in with God to say, "Is this rest holy rest? Is this healthy rest? Is this good or is this avoidance?" or unhealth or procrastination. But don't associate a healthy rest and a healthy trust with God— I've done everything I can do, I'm going to let you take it from here— with rebellion. Y'all, every year when it was time for a new school year or I started a new school, I'd be so excited because I'd be like, this year is going to be different. I say that every time a new calendar year rolls up too. This year is my year, and this is the time where I get my planner so I can start planning for what I'm going to in the year to come. And I want you to do that too, y'all. The Full Circle Planner, they are available for pre-order, and I want you to go get yours now while you can. Choose the color and make sure that you can get yours before they run out. Thesistercircle.com/planner. Because it's that time where we get to decide who we're gonna be. Come on and join me, y'all. There are some things that I have been praying about. There are some things that I have been going to the Father every morning about. I've fasted and prayed over some of it, and I've just had to say, I'm gonna stop doing that. Not because I'm being irresponsible, not because I'm not willing to work hard, not because I'm not willing to do the difficult thing, but because I'm gonna let it simmer for just a second while I'm praying about it. And I'm gonna let you, God, to make the decision. I've done all I can do, and I'm going to let you— instead of getting busy, I release the power of God in my life to do what I cannot do. I'm going to do what I have to do. I'm going to do what you have required me to do. I'm going to obey scripture, and then I'm going to let the rest go. Walking with the Lord teaches you a little bit about this. I can market until the cows come home. I actually hate marketing, but I actually think we've gotten pretty good at it. I also know that my strength is not in my marketing prowess. Do you know what God has used to build everything I've ever done? Organic. Showing up. Being me. Offering information, education, spiritual encouragement, sharing what God is doing in my life. Every time I do that, that's when things grow the most. So I can look back and say, yes, I have to create the graphics that say the Inner Circle is open now. And yes, I've got to market the cohort, and we do. But the best that I can ever do is allow God to be my marketer. When I wrote She's Still There, y'all, I sent my book to Bruce Wilkinson and asked him to read it and give me an endorsement. Y'all, He gave me an endorsement, but this is what he said to me in my email. I still— I'm just honored. He just said, "This is one of the best books I've ever read." And I was like, "Oh my God, you actually read it?" Because a lot of people just thumb through it and then give you an endorsement. He said, "Of course, I wouldn't give you an endorsement without reading it in full." He said, "And my prayer for you is that Jesus is your marketer, because you can't do any better than him." I will never forget that as long as I live. There are certain things, y'all, we try to promote and do And we won't sit down because we feel like sitting down or doing all we can and then resting is rebellion because we want to steward our gifts. Just like the parable in the New Testament, we don't want God to be disappointed with the fact that we didn't use what he gave us. But what we forget is that in using what he gave us, sometimes rest is a part of that. We do what we can and then we put it down. So your rest is not rebellion. It's not idleness, John Lubbock says, to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees. And it's by no means a waste of time. Rest isn't rebellion. Often relaxing and letting God work is not wrong. It's often reverence. The second reason we struggle to rest is we've been taught that our worth is tied to work. Now y'all listen, I'm a straight-A student, uh, firstborn kid. I am used to being praised for achievement. My parents were very good about complimenting me for my personhood, but it's very hard when you get A's and everybody goes, oh, she's so smart, to not get used to that. I remember Oprah talking about that. She realized I think it was in the second or third grade that she got praised. Remember, it was a fourth grade. She got praised for doing well, and she liked it, so she kept doing well because she liked getting the praise. So the reality is we can learn by the things that we're good at to get addicted to the praise for the thing that we naturally do well. Maybe you're athletic, or maybe you're always nice. My husband and I talk about this all the time. I'm like, he is a nice guy, and he gets praised for being so kind-hearted and caring about people, to the point though where— and he may call me later and say stop talking about my business. This is your show, not mine. But to the point where sometimes he will not take care of himself because he is taking care of others, because he likes the praise for doing the nice thing, and he doesn't even realize it. What have you gotten praised for doing, and do you do it in overdrive because you like your back being scratched? If that is the case, what if your worth as a nice person, or as a smart person, or as an accomplished person is tied to what you do? You've got to ask yourself that question so you know how to tell the difference. Barna in 2022 did a study where they said 70% of women feel the pressure to do it all. And when we do it all, what does culture say? Girl, you do it all. I can bring home the bacon fried up in a pan. I'm every woman. Booked and busy is celebrated more than present and peaceful. And we all know this because we are so grateful for the person who will sit down across from us and be present and peaceful. But that is not what culture celebrates. They celebrate booked and busy, which is why everybody's stressed out. This is why all of these women out here— I mean, I can't remember what the exact, but it's like up there, like in the top 3, like heart disease for women, because we're out here taking care of everybody else, trying to get our dreams in while we take care of the kids, while we— and we won't even voice to our husband or to our sister friends or to our mother or the girls in the small group I need help. Can someone help me? Can I recruit some people? Because I cannot do this all by myself. And when we get celebrated for doing it all, or at least attempting to, that can be addicting. What does the Bible say? Matthew 11:28, come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. There have been many seasons where I have been striving, and I've talked about that before, striving versus stretching, and how do you know when God is stretching you and when you're striving of your own accord? But productivity can make you feel important. It can make you feel accomplished. It can take you from being unseen to seen and being celebrated. And I know what that's like. Putting the thing down that seems to be the magic wand in your hand is tough. But if you put it down, maybe God wants to do something else with it. And you don't know that until you ask God, what I'm holding in my hand, am I waving my own magic wand in the air? Not even giving it, getting its full use because I won't let it down for you to do something with it. Lay it down, put it down. You know that movie Inception? There's a top where the, the main character is spinning this top so he knows if he's in a dream or if he's in reality. And if the top keeps spinning, he knows he's in a dream because no top ever keeps spinning. And if the, if the top starts wobbling and it falls, then he knew he wasn't in a dream because that's real life. Tops don't spin forever. Let me tell you something. If you haven't seen Inception, you should totally go see it because it's great. But also, if your top never stops spinning, you are not living in reality. God would never ask you, require you to move at the speed of light nonstop without a little topple and fall. If there is not stillness in your life, and I'm not talking about falling asleep at night because you fell asleep wherever you were, and you were in your clothes with your makeup still on. That's why I was looking all tired this morning, because I didn't take off my mascara. Whenever I don't take off my mascara, my eyes are puffy the next morning. I fell into bed last night. But if you don't ever topple— you know what, that's too much, I've gone as far as I can go— and if you're not ever still, you are not living in reality. You are living in a dream within a dream within a dream, and that's not real. I want to tell you, if you are living where your worth is tied to your work, if that's what you're thinking, that's not real. That's not real. And in order for you to experience fully the love of God, the provision of God, the satisfaction with your life, the accomplishment that God supercharges with Jesus being at the helm— he may not be your marketer, but he can sure be your producer, he can be your covering, he can be your provider. There are some things you don't get to know about Jesus unless you're still, because that is the real life that you want. It's time to make your mark. Every step creates your legacy. Worship, vision, authentic connection. The tools are here if you're ready. Join women from all over for a weekend curated to change the course of your life. Pause. Hear God. It's time for you to make your mark. Number 3, rest requires real confidence. Your identity does not have to be in what you produce, it's in who you belong to. And your confidence, first and foremost, should always be, can always be, in Christ who saved you, in whose you are, not what you do. Reading Ephesians chapter 1, you are blessed, you are forgiven, you are loved, you are adopted, you are provided for You are led, you are fathered, you are not by yourself. These are the things that before you ever do anything, God says about you. Be confident in who you are. Be confident in his power, in his purposes, and in his pace for you. Because the God we serve says in Psalm 23:2, he makes me lie down in green pastures. Did you hear that? Sometimes he says, bump, girl, be still. And I'm not saying God does bad things, but what I am saying is God will allow life to make your tail lay down. And then you'll look up later. And I had a lady said this to me one time when I was homeschooling the kids and I was doing the most. And she said, "You need to slow down, Chrystal." See, this has been a story my whole life. And I said, "No, I can do this. I'm fine." She said, "Let me tell you something. You want to slow down before God makes you or allows life to make you slow down." because that is a lesson he wants you to learn. He wants you to know what it is to be loved in stillness and not loved because of productivity. Sometimes forced rest becomes a part of your story when you won't do it on your own. You've got to choose to Sabbath. We just introduced a new rule with kids coming in and out of the house because it was crazy. I was like, no devices until after 2. I went back to like baby rules, y'all. I was like, before 2 o'clock There's stuff for y'all to do. I need you to pick up the trash, cut those leaves, put this together. There's stuff that needs to be repaired around the house. Y'all go work out, fill up the cars, uh, go to the grocery store for me. There's stuff to do, okay? All the things. And then also, no, no, I don't want everybody on devices all day long. No. So we reinstituted 2 to 4 individual screen time, and then after that, help me with dinner. And also, one of the things was on Sundays, if it's not family, it's not on. If we're not watching a movie together, it's not on. If y'all aren't watching something fun together or something on YouTube together, it's not on. If it's not about family and rest and togetherness, we're not doing it. They are looking at me like I'm growing horns. I don't care, because I'm like, there's got to be a day when we're disconnected from other things and we're connected with each other. That's a part of stillness. They don't feel like it's successful, y'all. That means what am I doing with my screens on a Sunday? Because Sunday is one of my best productive days ever. But walking in obedience, it's like, do I want success or do I want sanity? Do I want to accomplish all the things or do I want spiritual clarity? Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do— Eugene Peterson said, who wrote The Message— the most important thing and the most spiritual thing you can do is to take a nap. That is the answer to so many things, y'all. Take a nap. And I'm not a napper, but I can tell you sometimes when I hear the Lord saying to me, girl, just lay down, when I get up, I'm like, I'm so glad I did that. Rest is not weakness because it often takes more strength, especially when you're slowing down, to pause than to push. Just like a horse under reins, a horse can be super strong, but we, we celebrate the horses who have reins, who have strength under control. Even if your strength is being busy, girl, even if your strength is capacity, even if your strength is high productivity, your strength under control that you know how to let it rest is always where you experience the greatest growth because you give room for God to work. Confidence in God will allow you to step back without feeling like you're failing or falling behind. You can rest because God never does. You can slow down because his timing is never late. You can pause because his promises don't expire. And what if in your slowing down and what if in your rest God is waiting for you to do that so he can show up and show you what happens when you let him get things to the finish line. What does resting in God look like for me this season? Y'all, I'm praying and fasting about that very thing. I will know that in about a week and a half because I've been asking him for some answers. And you've got to ask yourself, what does that look like now? And how have you been moving ahead of him, maybe in his timing for you, because you've been in hustle motion doing what you want to do and not trusting his plan. I want to know what would it look like if you were willing to rest, and I want to know what would it look like if you slowed down and moved at his speed for your life. What would you stop doing, or what would you start doing because you trust that he's got it? Do you trust that God has got it? Rest feels wrong because you think it's rebellious. Rest feels wrong because you've been taught that your worth is tied to work. Rest feels wrong because You actually aren't confident enough that the God who saved you can sustain you. The, the God who saved you and sustained you can supply all of your needs. Ouch. So what does rest look like for you in this season? And if you truly trusted God and believe that he— those he loves, he wants them to lie down every now and then, what would you do differently? That's what I want to know in the chat. That's what I want to know in the comments. And praise the Lord that I got through this talk. And y'all, I don't do it perfectly, and I won't till the day I die be a high capacity person. But I can tell you that the more I give over what concerns me to God and say, I have done everything I can do, you take it now, he has never disappointed me. Not ever. Not ever. And I have to remember that because if I want to be confident in all the things that I'm doing without the hustle, well, that means I have to believe that rest is not wrong. I hope you enjoyed that. Share it with somebody who needs it, and I'll see you next week. Sometimes you just need somebody in your corner. If you're looking for coaching, accountability, and community with women who love God and who want to live their lives intentionally too, the Inner Circle is the place you need to be. Come on in the room.