What to Do When You Feel Behind in Life

Have you ever looked at someone else's life and thought, "I should be further along by now"? Well, if that's you, you are not the only one that feels that way. And we're going to talk about what to do when you're feeling behind today. Okay, so inquiring minds want to know, and you can put this in the comments as you watch this video, what area of your life, whether it be your career, your relationship, your finances, you know, all of the things that you want to see happen in your faith. What area of your life are you thinking, this, this just did not go according to plan? Because if you feel behind, the first thing I want you to know is you're not alone. And the second thing I need you to know is whatever area you feel behind in, you're not the only one who feels the same way about that same area. There are things that we have in our mind that we would have done by now, that we should have done by now, that we could have done and maybe life interrupted. And, and this is not relegated to a certain season. You can feel behind when you're 20, you can feel behind when you're 80, and it doesn't matter because there are no age limits on expectations. There are no barriers on, um, women who feel the need to compare and who feel the need that if they had done something differently, then maybe their life would be different. Actually, I wanna talk to you about feeling behind because this is a universal problem. It causes unnecessary anxiety, and it causes unnecessary stress. And because God wants us to partner with him where he is setting the pace of our lives, which honestly will leave us feeling behind because his plans are usually not ours. His thoughts are not our thoughts. His ways are not our ways. And where we get into trouble is because we are taught, particularly in Western culture, not to just kind of live and enjoy the days and like enjoy your life and take each moment as it comes, but reach, achieve, set goals, which y'all believe— I mean, you know, I'm a goal— I'm a goal setter. I got a whole planner. So it's not that I'm anti-goal setting, but I am anti the pressure that goal setting brings when life doesn't go as planned. There has to be an aim for something so you can hit something, but be willing to let God order your steps. That's what he wants to do for us. And honestly, his ordering of our steps usually doesn't go in the order anticipate. So you want to be prepared, you want to be thinking ahead, but you don't want to let your plans and your preparation create in you an anxiety that something's wrong with you when life doesn't go the way you saw it. When you feel behind, it's often because you are following a timeline that wasn't written for you. God's plan is rarely rushed. His plan is never random, but it certainly feels that way to us when we're living it out. This is why it's so important that you build your faith, that you are connected to God, that you are talking to God, because the way God wants things to be fleshed out in your life based on his kingdom plan may not be based on knowledge you currently have. Like, it's us that's behind the 8-ball. It's us that are figuring out and learning as we go, watching how he works and realizing that something is impressed upon our heart that we didn't see coming. It's often as we follow his lead that he embellishes our plan or changes our plan. So the goal is to set goals, to think ahead, because God wants us to participate with him. I think about the dominion mandate with Adam and Eve. He said, like, name the animals, like exercise dominion, like do something. Don't just sit there. But don't be deceived. As you do things, stay connected to me because I might call a plot shift. And when I call a plot shift, or I have something in mind for you, you did not have in mind for yourself, I need you to be listening. Think of this like GPS. Even when you miss a turn, it doesn't cancel the destination. It's just a matter of recalculating the route. The pressure comes when we think that delays are denials of the final destination. The pressure comes when the scenery gets so unexpected that we're like, I'm never going to get there. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 3:1 that there is a time for everything. There is a time for everything and every activity under the heavens. Rick Warren said, God is never in a hurry, he's always right on time. Now I can tell you that, you know, I was sharing with one of my children actually the hardships that I had in school. I remember I was at a public school from kindergarten to second grade, didn't fit in there. I was goody two-shoes. I was smart. I got into tag. And so, you know, then I got made fun of for being, you know, the smart kid that was over there. And, you know, I talked proper and all that. And so I moved from the second grade to the third grade because I think I was trying not to talk proper. My parents didn't like that and didn't like the words I was picking up. So I got moved to a private school. I didn't fit in there. I was definitely the minority in that private school. But I never forget, I put my head down on my desk the first week of school, y'all, because I felt behind. Apparently in the second grade, everybody had been learning their times tables. And so I got to the third grade and everybody was just saying them. This is back when, you know, it was back before new math. Like you had to just say it every day. 3 times 1 is 3. 3 times 2 is 6. 3 times 3 is, you know, we would clap. It was the whole thing. But everybody else knew it. And I was like, I don't know it. And I've always been the smart person in the room. I did not like feeling inept, incapable, and behind. So it could be for the times tables. I felt behind when everybody else could wear makeup and I couldn't wear makeup. I felt behind. I felt behind socially all of my life. Now you add to that, um, I came out, I was felt behind because I was single parenting. Everybody else came out, they could do these jobs and they were traveling. And I had to do a job that allowed me to be a mom in the way that I felt called to be a mom. And then I felt behind because I got off of that, and then I was homeschooling my kids when my husband was doing things, and I'm like, what am I doing with my degree? I have had so many situations where I felt behind in life. I got married later. I'm one of those girls that would have loved to get married like fresh out of college, you know, and I got married, you know, close to 30. I feel behind because if I would have started writing books when I was in my 20s— I mean, that's what happened with Priscilla. She started speaking and writing in her 20s. I never wanted to do that, but And when I look back, I think, man, if I would've started earlier, I wouldn't be behind. I'd have more books out. I'd have more this. I mean, we are always going to look at the life that we thought we would have or the life that we see someone else having and go, I coulda, I woulda, I shoulda. And like one of my good friends says, you gotta stop shoulding all over yourself. It's ridiculous. And I wanted to make sure I said that clearly so that nobody has any issues with my words. But the reality is it's normal to feel behind. Because one, you are uniquely made. If you are in any room where everything seems homogenous and you feel different, one of these things is not like the others, that's gonna happen in your life because you're not like anyone else. And we are all running the race at the speed that God allows us to do it based on our design. So you need to get comfortable with that. That's the first thing I wanna say. Get comfortable with feeling behind because someone will be. At a different place and space than you are. So I want you to think about what is a false deadline. Let me define a false deadline for you. Because if I say that, well, I should have had kids by this certain age, okay, that's a false deadline. Because if you have an idea of having your first kid by 26 and you don't, or your first kid by 35 and you don't, It's a false deadline in this sense. If it didn't happen, then that wasn't the plan. So you had a deadline, but I need you to start calling out the deadlines and saying, this was my desired deadline, but it, it is a false deadline in God's plan for me. You got to start identifying it so that you start feeling less enslaved to it. It was a, it was an idea of a deadline that I had, but based on what has happened, based on God's plan, based on me walking out my life, it's a false deadline. Because that will help you to internalize it differently. It will take your shoulds and say, well, it was a thought, but it was a false deadline. I should be married by 30. I should own a home by now. I want you to write down your deadlines, put at the top of the page false deadline. And if you can, you know, draw a line down the middle of the page and put your false deadlines on one side, then I want to put down the other, God's timing. And as God builds these things out in your life, which he may or may not, then as they happen, put God's timing, because God's timing is always perfect. Making peace with your deadlines and saying, this is what I thought, but obviously it was a false deadline, is one of the ways that you start to relieve the pressure. The second thing is you've got to stop comparing yourself. Refuse to compare with others. You are on a custom path. Comparing yourself with others will convince you that you're behind when you're really just different. What looks like late to you could be right on time for your assignment. I want to be a gardener so bad, y'all. I have tried and killed more plants than I care to admit. I dug a garden about 15 years ago in my backyard. Most things died out. We ate a few things. I've got one of those off-the-ground, uh, Hydronic Gardens right now. Everything's dead on it. It was pretty. I don't think I picked but 2 or 3 things off to eat. But here's what I can tell you, because I've tried enough to know a thing or two. There are some things that grow slowly and there are some things that grow fast. Radishes, they are fast. And by the way, they're great on salads. And if you pickle them, they can, if you put them in some vinegar and some salt and pepper, you can turn them into quasi pickles. They're pretty good. Daffodils in gardens, if you're familiar with flowers, they're gonna pop up quick and early. But peonies, my mom's favorite flower, they take their time. No one questions the beauty of the bloom when it arrives. So when you are gardening, which you should be cultivating your life— don't say God is late or I'm late if you're not doing the things it takes to see the harvest you want to see. But if you're doing your part and you're cultivating your garden, don't question the timing, because God is the one who planted the seeds and he's the one that determines the time to harvest. You just have to run your race with endurance. That's Hebrews 12:1 reminds us of that. You've got to decide, "I'm gonna do what I'm supposed to do and let God control the outcome." Theodore Roosevelt said, "Comparison is the thief of joy." I'd like to add, but Christ is the keeper of your joy. So you've gotta keep bringing your false deadlines because everything that you would like to happen is not true until it happens. And maybe false is not the word. Maybe it's intended deadlines or planned deadlines or desired deadlines. But you need to put an adjective in front of it so that you always remember these are subject to God's plan for me. And then as he rolls them out, then you go, okay, that was the perfect timing because his plans are perfect. Stop comparing yourself. Many of our deadlines come from comparison. I, y'all, still to this day am always You know, behind, and I feel it all the time. You know, my social media is behind everybody else's in my family. I remember when I was miles ahead of Jonathan, and then he got the— he has the ability to have some people doing his social media for him, and all of a sudden he surpassed me. I'm like, I'm out here doing the most. I'm out here doing the most, and I'm the one that has the least amount of followers. What does that— I mean, I'm serious. Like, it's not like I don't experience it. I experience it all the time. But what I have learned is if I keep my eye on my feet in front of me, it minimizes the emotional anxiety that comes with comparison because I've got to be committed to God's timing for me. I honestly think that sometimes God does not move us forward when we're comparing because he wants us to get our eyes off of everybody else and put our eyes on him and focus on what he wants us to do. One of the best things about the summer is it gives you plenty of time to get ready and to prepare for the fall. What's coming in the fall, you might ask? Oh, let me tell you, the Sister Circle Live, October 17th and 18th. It's an opportunity to gather with me in Dallas and some friends that I love to introduce you to. Great teaching, great podcast, great workshops, all designed to help you focus on living intentionally as a woman of faith. It's never too early to prepare for the year to come, so we use October as a way to start to get focused and intentional so that you can make decisions about what you want to do. As your life continues to move forward. So we're going to talk about what it means to make your mark and what it means to make your mark specifically in the area of your finances, in your abundant mindset, and getting your affairs in order. So super practical, super inspirational, and super fun. October 17th and 18th, the Sister Circle Live. I'd love to see you in the room. Register today. You may see somebody else thriving in their family, thriving in their business, thriving on their ministry platform perform. Maybe their kids are thriving. Not only are you not comparing yourself, you're comparing your kids. Like, stop it, stop it, stop it. We gotta stop that. You've gotta, you've gotta stop because it is stealing your joy. So here's what you want to do, okay? The first thing to do to stop the comparison is to identify your desired destinations and then keep a list open of God's destinations and his timing for you. Here's a second tactical thing I want you to do. When you find yourself comparing, I want you to practice celebratory comparison. Yeah, look at them. But then instead of going, what about me? Turning inward. Okay, what I need you to do is to say, this is not where I haven't achieved. This is evidence of what's possible. It is possible. It may not be in the plans for me, but it is possible. It is possible for success to come financially. It is possible for me to get married at 39. It is possible for me to have my first child at 42. It is possible for me to have a successful business. It is possible. Let testimony spark hope, not pressure. So we've got to stop turning it inward and saying, what about me, and turn it outward and say, oh, that's possible. Now, Lord, I'm going to lean into delighting in your direction and in your desired timeline for me. But I'm going to refuse to turn it inward and say something is wrong. Tender to the garden that grows in your backyard. Okay? Notice that some things are going to take longer for the germination process and for the seed to turn into fruit. I want you to find women who are going to cheer you on. That's what I love about the Inner Circle is that we are always cheering each other on. That's why it's so important that you reply to comments because you never know when somebody puts something in there and they just need somebody to say, I see you, girl. You just gotta learn how to put one foot in front of the other, but you also have to learn how to flip what's happening in your mind. You've got to flip what's happening in your mind. My timeline— I'm not late. This was my best guess. It was my educated guess for timing. But what is God's desired timing? Because let me tell you, you want his timing, not yours. Many of us have failed relationships because we were moving on our timing. Not God's. You should have never married him, but you were afraid you were going to be single for the rest of your life and he was good enough. You should have never married him. You should have never taken that job. So we, we tactically need to start identifying our timing as our best guess and leaning into God's timing. We also need to stop turning inward. Comparison, that's what it does. Because they have, something's wrong with me. No, it's celebratory. Because they have, that's what's possible. And I'm going to keep my eyes open for what God is going to do in me. That means my God is full of abundance. He doesn't run out. And that must mean when he gets ready to bless me, it'll be above and beyond anything that I can ask or think. That gets you excited instead of depressing you. Okay, so number 1, the first thing that we're talking about, don't forget, number 1, pause the pressure. Your pace is not a mistake. Number 2, refuse to compare. You are on a custom path. Number 3, I need you to remember that delay is not denial, that you are simply partnering with God in the process. When you feel behind, remember this, God is not holding out on you. He's holding you in position. Now, what does that mean? If he's holding you in position, he's shaping you. We are jars of clay. He is making you. He is fixing you. He is plugging the holes. He is getting you ready. And your growth, just like seeds, may be underground before it's ever able to be seen by you or anyone else. Did you know that a bamboo plant can spend 5 years developing roots underground before it ever breaks the surface? Did you know it takes asparagus 2 years to get ready to eat? You know, the bamboo plant will shoot up 90 feet in just a few weeks. Asparagus, man, once it's good, it costs a million dollars at the grocery store. You gotta keep in mind Philippians 1:6: Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it out to completion. God does not waste time, y'all. He uses it. Now, he can only use it if you are committed to him and his purposes. That's why it's so important for you to be in the word. That's why it's so important for you to be journaling. That's because so you can see the growth that's happening in you, whether or not he's delivered on the promise that you hope that he does. You, you want to be paying attention to growth that may not produce result yet, but growth that gets you ready. And it is more important for you to be ready than for you to have the thing that you want and not be ready to hold it in your hand. I think about people like running a relay, right? The ready stance, right? You gotta, you know, be leaned over, be ready. You've gotta have your hand out because when it's time for the person who ran the leg before you to hand you that baton, you've gotta be ready. Your ready stance matters because if you're not ready, if you're not in position, if you move too fast or move too slow, if you drop that daggone baton, you lose the race. And I'm sure, man, that, that fourth leg just waiting on everybody else to come around. You know, he's itching to get going, but if he goes too soon or goes too slow, we lose. I need you to put more importance, more weight on your ready stance than you do on your leg of the race. Because if you miss the transfer, you lose the whole thing. It is so important for you to not sit in, ruminate in, struggle in the I'm behind, and to look instead for what is God doing in my development. This is why if you're in your 20s, please, please, please, please, please, please don't wait until you're 40 to lean in to what you're going to do because you're hoping in your 20s that he proposes to you. Don't, don't do that. I hear you laughing out there. Don't do it. I'm talking to you. Don't do it. I need you while you are free, while you are— while you have full capacity, while you have the energy. Try as many things as you feel God leading you to try. Take as many risks as you feel comfortable taking. Explore who you are as much as you feel like you need to explore, because whatever timeline you had in your mind, if you are doing things in your own strength to aim towards your timeline, not only will you miss it because it wasn't God's timeline for you, but you will also miss the opportunity to develop in preparation. So what do we do when we feel behind? First of all, you need to get rid of the pressure and you need to decide that you're going to lean into looking towards God's timeline more than you lean into the pressure of the timeline that you have put together for yourself. Pause the pressure, stop comparing. And when you feel comparison, instead of saying, "Well, I'm not there yet," flip it. "Oh, look at what's possible." And the third thing is that you need to partner with God in the process and lean into cultivating your life. And I want you to ask yourself this question as you journal, because I believe in all the journaling things. What is God forming in me that no one sees yet? And if you can't answer that question, then ask other people, "What do you think God is forming in me that no one sees yet. It's almost like you're building your faith resume. That's why it's so important to write these things down. Write it down. So it's not about your jobs or your titles, but it's lessons learned, obstacles overcome, and promises that God has kept. I find myself these days, because of the season that I'm in, and I've got lots of questions, lots of questions for God right now, y'all, lots. But I keep telling him, you have never failed me yet. I tell the story about how in college I needed $500. To make my budget work. And, and God blessed that out of the blue. I'll never forget that, you know. And, and now, you know, my problems are way bigger than that, but I am sitting here going, the God who did not fail me then won't fail me now. What is your faith resume? When God healed or delivered or answered or provided, you got to keep in mind who God has been, or else you're going to just be like The women who— the people of Israel, they so quickly forgot what God did, and they spent most of their time complaining, comparing, being disgruntled, being upset, instead of being grateful for what God was doing and remembering what he had done. Writing it down, building your faith resume, is the equivalent of building altars so that when you pass by that way again, you're like, oh, I remember. What he did right here. Now, I realize that this sounds pretty, and I realize that if I quote Ecclesiastes 3 and say, "God makes all things beautiful in his time," that's like, "Well, that's cute, Chrystal." But you can either spend your time feeling behind and inviting the stress and anxiety that comes with it, or you can choose in the season of life you're in to cooperate more with the Lord more with where you are, leaning into it so you get what God has for you, not only possibly faster, but that you're ready. Nothing comes of your complaining. Nothing comes of your stress induction that comes from comparison. Nothing comes from your complaining and you wondering why, why, why, why, why. Ask God why, but then also reframe, reframe. Bad things can happen in your life, but if you will choose to reframe it, then you can be different as you go through it. So when you're behind, I want you to realize that God's timing is always perfect and lean into what you can do to partner with him, um, as you move forward. So here's what I want you to think about. I want you to ask yourself, where have you been rushing God because you're trying to hold God to your timing instead of wondering and asking and praying the This is what I would like to see, but what is your timing? Whose race have you been running? Are you holding yourself hostage to the pace of someone else's life? Whose race have you been running? And what might shift if you trusted God's pace? What might shift in your heart, your mind, or in your body? If you're only going to ask one question, I want to ask you this one: Where have I been rushing God? Because Many of us are feeling the stress because we are holding God to a timeline that we had for ourselves that he actually never agreed to. In fact, we didn't even ask him. We didn't say, is this what you want? We were just like, I want to be married by the time I'm 26. And then we're mad at him when he disappointed us, but we never actually leaned in to his plans. Feeling behind is a mindset issue. Feeling behind is a mindset issue. So years ago, I was headed to Amsterdam and I was supposed to fly to London and then catch a connecting flight to Amsterdam where a car was waiting for me and it would take me to meet the group that I was with. I was meeting my dad on a taping. So, I got to London, the flight was delayed, and so I found myself missing my flight to Amsterdam. The flight in the morning was 8:00 AM. The next flight that I could get on, where there was room, was 8:00 PM. Y'all, I was gonna miss meeting up the group in Amsterdam. And I was— the only reason I was there was to meet them and I didn't wanna miss the Amsterdam part of the trip. They were gonna be leaving that night and moving to another city. And I was like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. And then I thought, wait, I'm in Europe. I've never traveled Europe like a traveler, like a backpacking Europe type situation. But everything I've ever heard is like, it's easy to get around. So it was 7:00 AM in London and I knew my daughter would be up. This is midnight in Dallas. So I FaceTimed her because I didn't have service. And I said, hey, I need you to help me. Is there a train that will get me to Amsterdam? And she was like looking it up. And then I went back to the counter and I asked the person at the counter, I was like, is it easy to get from here to Amsterdam? And they said, oh yeah, oh yeah. So I called her and I said, can you tell me how to get a, catch a train? I'm at the, I'm at Heathrow to get to Amsterdam. And she said, oh yeah, all you do is take this and then it will, it will put you in this city and then you're going to have to take a smaller train to get where you were supposed to go. And then, if you need to get to the hotel and they're not waiting on you, you can take an Uber. Y'all, that was my first time. I was by myself. Planes, trains, and automobiles. Planes, trains, and automobiles, y'all. I left that Heathrow Airport, got on, and because it wasn't that expensive, I bought like a first-class seat on the train, y'all. So I took the bullet thing, went under the English Channel, saw the French countryside. It was the best trip ever. So I could have said, I'm late, Or I could have looked for the pivot. I could have looked for another way. I could have looked for a path that was before me. So where am I rushing God? I could have sat around that airport all day long and been stressed out about my plans, or I could have said, you know what, the plan that I had isn't the plan for today. And how can I shift my expectation? And how can I lean into what's available? How can I lean in— lean into what is an option? So instead of running the race that I thought I was gonna run, let me lean into the race that is set before me. And I shifted because I could. What if you are feeling stressed and frustrated because you only see one way and that's the way you thought it was gonna go? What if you leaned in? And if you have been leaning in and if you've been praying about it for decades, and if frankly you're like, God is not listening, No, he's listening, but he knows. Just look around and ask him, while I'm waiting for this to bloom in my life, what else do you want me to cultivate that can bloom in the waiting? So when you feel behind, what do you do? Lean in. Lean in and look for what God is doing at his time, in his place, never forgetting that he makes all things beautiful in his time. All right, y'all, I hope that's helpful. I hope that's helpful.