What's Holding You Back from Achieving Your DREAMS?

I went to visit a woman in our church this week who is doing okay, but she's had some medical things recently and I wanted to just stop by and see her just to spend some time. I brought her lunch. So I spent some time with Aunt Jo. Um, she is not a stranger to you if you've been following me for any length of time. I interviewed her a few years ago on episode 172 of the podcast. So This is back before the podcast was video. You can only listen to it. Um, she is not only a, um, a woman who is a woman I've known for years, but she is a single woman who has never been married and has taken seriously her role to be a spiritual mother. She has women who literally call her mother, 8 girls who over decades she has ministered to. The podcast is about that. When I interviewed her on episode 172. Today though, I want to talk to you a little bit about what Aunt Jo and I talked about last week when I, when I spent some time with her, because I think it will be a helpful reminder for you. So we talked about her life a little bit and kind of what was happening. She asked me about my children. She talked to me about, you know, my family, my husband, my father, my siblings. My health. And then she said, "Well, I have a question for you. You're 52, yes?" I said, "Yes." She said, "Okay, what are you looking forward to in your life? What are your current dreams and goals?" And I just laughed because I'm the planner girl, right? Like I have a whole planner. That we have created, that I use, that I'm looking forward to continuing to develop. It's a question I should easily be able to answer, but I laughed because the first things that came to my mind were my to-dos. They were my, yes, goals. And, but they were centered around work, centered around care of my body. They were centered around doing, not being, which I talk a lot about in my book She's Still There. Now, I, I'm the planner girl, so I, I know what she's asking me, and I know what the answer should be. It should be, what do I want to do with this very one and precious life that I have? Like, what do you want? The first thing that came to my mind though was, what do I have to do? What am I— what are the boxes that I'm trying to check? And so often I think we forget the two parts of the question she asked me. She said, what are your dreams and goals? Because goals for many of us can be backwards engineered into the promotion that we want at work or the schooling that we want to finish or the weight that we want to lose. Or the number that we wanna see in the bank. But goals disconnected from dreams are doings and not beings. Dreams can be more of what do I wanna enjoy? What do I want to experience? What will make me glad I lived my life? And the two can be connected for sure. Your dreams can involve your goals, but Often we think differently about dreams than we do of goals, because goals are things I'm trying to get to next year, next month, or next fall. And I laughed, and then I was convicted because then I had to think. I know I've dreamed. I know I've thought about what would make my life the kind of life that I am glad I lived. I know what the exercise is. Every year when we have our retreat, We attach to it an extra day called the summit, and the summit is designed to give women the space they need to think about their lives. And so what I do is I'm a live group coach for the day. I spend time asking questions. We play music in the background so that women are able to get all in their feelings. And so that we are activating their openness because music opens you up to really know what it is that the Holy Spirit is nudging you to do, or what in the depths of your soul you actually want to do. We set the atmosphere and then I gently lead people through the process of thinking about their lives, because I know so often we don't take the time to do that. I understand what she was asking me, because I know what it is to say to a woman in a summit, think about the day you turn 80. And when you look back at your, at your life, what you will want the view to be. That's one of the questions I ask. There's, there's a set of questions I always have in front of me, but I am live learning and live thinking and live hearing and the direction. No summit has ever been the same because I lead with a list of questions, but I am then led, I believe, by the spirit of God for what are the questions that this group needs to hear on this day. Day. But the goal is to separate your checkboxes from the flow of your heart. What does your soul long for? Psalm 37:4 says, and I'm reading from the King James, delight thyself also in the Lord, and he will give thee the desires of thine heart. Verse 5, Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in him, and he shall bring it to pass. I wanna change the version of the Bible just for fun because I love reading in different versions because you just get a different flavor. So let me actually not read a different version. Let me read a paraphrase. Hmm. Get insurance with God and do a good deed. Settle down and stick to your last. That was verse 3. Keep company with God and then get in on the best. That's verse 4. Open up before God, keep nothing back, 'cause he'll do whatever needs to be done. He'll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval at noon. I'm gonna do one more opportunity to read and hear it in a different way. This is the New Living Translation. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you your heart's desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him and he will help you. So this idea of go ahead, desire, go ahead, like, be honest about what you want. However, don't forget to delight yourself in your relationship with him and then trust but if you let him know what you want, he knows how to take care of it. Another way to say this is in Matthew: seek first the kingdom of God, and then all these things will be added to you. What are all the things? The things you need, the things you want. You have a Father who owns a cattle on a thousand hills. So this idea of being honest about what you want in life but prioritizing your responsibility to connect with the Lord is something that I believe in and that I think you can do. I think you can commit and surrender your life to God and at the same time say, this is what I want. Here's the problem. Here's the problem. We do a lot of telling God what we want based on what we think we want or what other people have taught us to want. Like, there are some of you that at a certain age you realize that you may have spent the bulk of your 20s and 30s wanting to be married. And then now in your 40s, 50s, or 60s, you're like, actually, I like living the single life. I enjoy my freedom. But because you spent so much time hearing, you ought to be married, you ought to be married, you ought to be married, that's what everybody's doing. I wanna be married. I wanna be married. And maybe you did not do what you needed to do to develop your relationships, male or female, in the right context. You spent so much time trying to get that right. And then you realize at a certain season of your life, you know what? I'm not mad at being free. Sometimes we don't know what we want because we let the world tell us what we want. And disengaging from what we've heard, what we've been taught, what we take off over time as what they want for me and not what I want for myself. Spending time with the Lord and letting the Holy Spirit speak to your heart is another way that you can identify that. But let me get back to what Aunt Jo asked me, my conviction. What are your dreams and goals? What do you actually want? Do you know? Because what you said when you were in your 20s might be different now that you're in your 50s. And she's right. Here's what I said to her, because she asked me why I was laughing, and I said Well, you know, it's just so interesting because I can tell you very clearly what my dreams and goals were in my 20s. And the blessing is because I wrote them down, because I prayed over them, because I prioritized them, many of the dreams of my 20s, I'm living in my 50s. I lived in my 40s. But did I take the time to refresh the dream? I, I do. I do set goals, but I set so many of them to what I need to do, stuff for work or things for the kids graduating, things that are more limited in their time boundedness. But I need to free myself up to start from scratch. What I do for everyone else, start from scratch. When you're 80 and you look back, what will you be glad you did? It doesn't have to be what you're doing now. And I'm so good at asking those questions of other people. And often, um, what I have found helps me is letting someone else coach me, ask me the questions that I'm not asking myself. Because I'm stuck in the weeds with the everyday. So she asked me that question and I thought, I've gotta make time for that. I've gotta make, I've gotta make time for that. You gotta make time for it. That's what I'm trying to tell you. You can know what your goals are and those goals be born and connected to the things that you have to do. And then there are the dreams that are completely disconnected from anything that you have to do. You know, I, I met a woman, um, So actually we had a conversation this week with a lady who, um, has newly been named as the CEO of a cruise company. And we were having the conversation about 2026, the sister circle going on a cruise, just talking that out was super fun thinking about the port we want to go to and where's the best place to go at the time of year that we want to go and all of that. So she, though, I said, I've been following you on social media and it's been really fun to see how much travel you're doing with your husband, but it seems like y'all did a lot in a little bit of time. Were you doing something specific? Were you aiming for something specific? And she said, yes, by the time she turns 50, her goal was to have visited all 50 contiguous states and then also to have visited, I can't remember the number, but so many countries. So she had a break in her schedule and they visited just like a bunch of states in a very short period of time. Like it was like, 14 states in 14 days or something crazy. And she's married, never had children, no children. And, um, that is her goal. And she said, and I saw this opportunity to reach it because in the— my dream is that I've been everywhere so that I can choose where I wanna spend more time. And so she said it was a whirlwind, but we did it. Dreams are, what do I want to do? Dreams are what might be possible if I put my brain on it. Dreams are not necessarily obligatory. They are not about checking boxes. They are not about, I did it because I had to do it and I arrived. Dreams are what will make you go, ooh, ah, yes, amazing. That was great. I did it. Dreams are when you run out of time, and we all will run out of time. If you're living well, you will finish— you will be attempting every day to die empty. But if you are truly living, you won't. There will be more on the list that you didn't get to do. So the goal of life is prioritizing the desires so that you don't run out of time too fast without having backloaded desires and you don't get to them. I was, uh, visiting someone and the statement that was made is, I can't believe this is happening now, just when we retired. As my mother would say, you have to stop and smell the roses. There's got to be some good smell, some aroma, some sense, some fun, some foolery, some enjoyment that is not tied to waiting. You got to backwards engineer some of your, your desires into today. She said to me, you're 52. I hate that number. I mean, it's fine, but I hate that number because it is reality. My dad will be 75. He does not act like 75. I would say he's in a 50-year-old body at worst. A lot of energy. I am like him, a high energy person. I would say in my body, when I listen to what other people describe as their physical experiences, I would say I probably am feeling about 35. I just enjoy life. I have a lot of energy for life. And when I connect with some of my friends from high school or people from church that are my same age, sometimes I'm like, we are not living in the same season. So I do understand that by virtue of taking care of your body and maybe your own energy levels that you get to determine in large part what your age feels like. But 52 is 52. We are on a clock. If the Lord gives me the amount of time that you, that, that the average age that women live to, okay, then I might make it to my mid-70s, right? If, if like my parents and my grandparents, I have longevity of age that I may make it to 80. Two of my, three of my grandparents died in their 90s. Um, the youngest of my grandparents died at 80. So I, even if I go there, let's say I go there, I have 30 years left if I go at 80, 28 to be specific and exact. And of those 28, I know I won't live necessarily those 28 in the same body that I'm in today. So let's say same body, mostly same experience, I got until 70. Okay, so now we have 18 years. 18 years is the amount of time that I have to take my children from birth to graduation. And I can tell you from experience how long that goes. It doesn't take long at all. Time waits for no one. So the question is, what do you want? Let me give you some other questions that will help you to think about your life. And I'm assuming that embedded in this question is, what does God want for me? That you are seeking after his heart, that you're, as Psalm 37:4, delighting yourself in him and trusting that he will give you— that you can ask, but he will give you the desires of your heart. But what do you want? Here's another way to look at that. What fills you up? Like, what just leaves you full? Is it time with family? Is it a vacation and good weather? Is it time to read? Is it staying in the bed? Is it going and laughing a lot? Is it working in your garden? Is it going to the mall and shopping? Like, let's be frivolous here. We don't have to be super spiritual. We don't have to say, "It just fills me up to memorize God's word." That may be your answer. But let's not make it up here. Like, let's really talk about what sets your soul on fire. What's sad? What gives you a deep sense of satisfaction in your soul where you can do enough of it and you feel like, ah, I'm satisfied. What do you want? What fills you up? What leaves you satisfied? And think about when you look back at your life later, what will be the answer to that question. Hey there. Do you ever feel like life is just too much, that there's a lot of things to do, not enough time to do everything in? And also, when you have to prioritize, prioritization, what's that? Do you want to live an intentional life and are struggling to figure out how to do that? Well, here's the deal. I want to help you. I'm a coach who has put together a planner to help you have the best of planning an intentional life coupled with someone to help you do just that. My name is Chrystal Hurst and this is the Full Circle Planner. I meet you at the beginning and the end of each year, at the beginning and end of each quarter, at the beginning and the end of each month to make sure that you are paying attention to your life, focusing on what matters, and putting the important things in the right order. Because sometimes y'all, it's not It's not just about a to-do list. It's about doing things well. And I can tell you, you will not be able to do things well if you don't look at your life. And sometimes we all need a little help to do that. So I've put the best of me as your coach in the best of a tool, a beautiful tool at that, to plan your life. I want you to get this planner. Let me help you plan your life so that you can live the life you love. Get your free planner. Full Circle Planner today. You can answer this question at any age. You don't have to think forward to 80 and be 50 to have the good answer. Be 25 and answer the question. Be 30 and answer the question. And it's okay if the, if the answer changes. Many of the things that I said when I was 20, I am living in, in my 40s or 50s. I am living proof that when you take the time to think about these things and write them down, that they become embedded in your psyche. Y'all have heard me talk about the reticular activation system before, and I was watching on Instagram a lady talk about the science behind it, gave me information I didn't know. She said your brain, the reticular activation system, is designed as a protection mechanism for your brain because your brain can take in, she said, 11 million inputs in a given amount of time. The reticular activation system is designed to help your brain focus on which of the inputs it should actually do something with. So you can be driving down the road thinking about, I need a new car, but the minute you go and look at a, in my case, a Cyber Orange yellow Bronco, then all of a sudden you see them everywhere on the road. Was I seeing them before? Yes. I drive. My brain was allowing the inputs to come in. And so my periphery was working overtime to make sure that when I would go through a stop sign, that I also checked to my right or to my left, that nobody going in a perpendicular direction was going to, you know, was gonna, was gonna run into me. But I didn't pay attention to whether it was a yellow Bronco or not until the day I decided to see the yellow Bronco. And then my reticular activation system said, let's help her out. There are 11 million things coming at her. A lot of those are the cars that are on the road, but she has told us she wants to see that. So filter that out. It's almost like when you go to watch YouTube, YouTube TV, right? And off the bat, without you having to do or say anything, you are looking at what YouTube, or maybe Netflix, or maybe Hulu recommends. We got all these channels, we have all these shows, we have all these series, we have all this new original content, but she has already told us by her behavior that she likes show A, show B, and show see. So what does Netflix and Hulu and YouTube and even Amazon— what do they do for you? They filter out what you have said you want to see. When you take the time to think about what you want in your life, you will start filtering out the things that are not what you want to see, because you will be able to hyperfocus in the best way to the things that you actually and just like Netflix or YouTube, you may look at it and go, I didn't want that. But even identifying the things you do want make it possible and easier for you to identify the things you don't. Let me give you an example. If you want to filter out the good guys from the bad guys, because you really want to get married and you're, you know, on the dating apps and going to the mix and mingles at the singles ministry and letting people set you up on blind dates, the fact that you are hyper-focusing on the desire to be married and availing yourself to the opportunity to meet people who might help you meet that goal or that desire The fact that you're focusing on it helps you to see what you don't want. Do you see? Do you see? But in order for this to work, you've got to create space to do it. What we also do in our Inner Circle membership, those women who are the Sister Circle Girls, they are women of faith who understand that we are truly better together in community, but they support what I do. And I call those women the Inner Circle Girls. Um, we have something that we call a coworking session. And what is it? It's basically like group study. You come into a Zoom room. We start with, what is your goal for these next 2 hours? We turn on the music and everybody works. They balance their budget. They do their Bible study. They declutter their, their bedroom. They organize their files. They work on, uh, their Bible study for the week. They, they, um, study. They literally study. They, uh, they, they, they do all kinds of things. Cause somehow setting the atmosphere allows us to have the mentality to do whatever it is that we said we were going to do. The most difficult thing that I have found for people to dream is that they want to dream. They'll even talk about what they want. They don't make the space. You can't dream if you don't make the space to get out of the weeds and out of your everyday and say, what do I want? You know, sometimes when you were in college, you just would go to the library or you would go to a Starbucks or you would go into the commons area to study. Why? Because you could study in your room. You just needed a change of scenery. Somehow changing the scenery changed your mind. I'm here to tell you that sometimes you need to change the scenery. You need to get up a little earlier, go to bed a little later. I write well when I am at Starbucks. There's just enough noise. And there's a couple of other coffee shops I love in town. I work well when there's enough noise, enough indiscriminate noise for me not to be individually distracted by any one conversation, but there's enough noise to tell me I'm not by myself. And also if I get hungry, there's something to take care of my physical needs so I can keep giving my energy to my mental need. I can do it at home. Um, I can turn on music in my home. I can set a candle in my home and that works too. But sometimes I just need to change the scenery. Often you need to change the scenery. So I want to encourage you, if you have not set desire in a while, if you have not— not that goals are bad, but goals, when we think about them, they're tied to, I have to have this amount of money in the bank. I have to I have to finish this degree or make time for my class this week. I have to walk 3 times because I want to be healthy and whole. And that's great, but maybe I want to lose weight. We tie even our goals to definitive things. Like, I want to get that promotion. Okay. But I'm asking you about your life. You may need to change the scenery or grab a friend and do it with them, like study hall accountability and say, okay, I want to get this promotion. Like, that's a goal, but why? What's the desire? Is the desire tied to, I wanna have a fulfilling career and I wanna be able to help people, or I wanna be able to use my highest and best to manage a team? Do I, is this just tied to my financial goals? Because I want to basically be able to enjoy a certain amount of vacation time, um, with my children, with my husband, and I can't get the money or have that time if I don't get the promotion. Like, what is it tied to? The things that you're doing every day, what is it tied to? I want you to ask yourself, what is this tied to? So when I look at the Inner Circle girls who are regularly every month sharing their top 3 with me, and I see that LaMonica says, I want to rest on the Sabbath. What is that tied to? Is it tied to, I want to be obedient? Is it tied to, I need to, my body needs rest. I want to take care of my body. What is that tied to? When I see that, um, Ms. Sheila says, I want to exercise to keep my stress at a minimum. What is that tied to? Is it tied to living a stress-free life? Is it tied to health concerns? Is it tied to being obedient to God about taking care of her body? What is that tied to? Ashley, my friend Ashley, who went through coaching with me, and I know what this means, but when she says, I gotta meet with a contractor for renovations for my rental property, somebody else on the surface may say, that's real estate. She's into real estate. I know that she is getting rental property together because she plans on providing housing for those who are less fortunate because her dream is to be able to create a space for people to live like her when they were homeless or struggling or didn't have anywhere to go. And someone made space for her. She is doing this because a part of her life calling is creating a space for people to thrive when they are in transition. That's what that's called to. It's not about just getting a, a rental property, property ready. You gotta ask yourself, what's the dream of my life that will satisfy me when I am on death's door? My body won't allow me to do many of the things that I'm able to do in the past. What will make me feel good about my life? And Ashley is saying that I let my life account for something that someone else was able to, in a season of difficulty, know that someone had made space for them. And me meeting with a contractor is not about the contractor or the rental property. It is about me making a difference in the world. Jamie Smith said, I gotta complete my coaching reflection paper by 9/8. Okay. You're writing a paper. That means you're in school. What is the degree for? Why are you getting the degree? I know that the goal is to get the degree, but why? Why? You gotta ask yourself, why? Why am I doing this? Who is this tied to? Who I wanna be and what I wanna do and what will satisfy me when I am on death's door? What will satisfy me when I don't wanna move around as much as I did? So let me come back to my conversation with Aunt Jo. She made this statement, and this is why I want to talk to you about this today. She said, I said, Aunt Jo, I know what you're telling me. I have a planner. I've talked to people about goals and thinking about your life and what is the future you want and what is the Holy Spirit going to be satisfied with and God going to hold you accountable for on the day of redemption, all of that. But I need to do a better job of doing that now for myself. I need to do it again. Dream, not goal set, but dream. And she said, well, you just seem like such an organized person. And I have to be honest, I am the opposite of you. I have never done any of that. God was so faithful just to, to move me along. He just always helped me with the next right step. I have no complaints. That's how God worked in my life. And I'm so grateful for that. But I do have to tell you, one of the regrets of my life is that I didn't cooperate more. I kind of just did whatever I had to do next, and he met me there. He was faithful to meet me there. But one of the regrets of my life is that I just didn't write it down. I didn't think about what he had put in my heart to the degree that I was going to write it down and make decisions based on that, that I didn't put my hand in his in a more intentional way to ask, if you put this desire in me, you want me to just wait around until I have to change jobs or until I have to change churches? Or do you want me to just pursue what you've put in my heart? I wish I had asked myself this question, what do you want? That I had written it down, that I had cooperated more. With him. Because God is at work in your life, there's no doubt about that. But he wants us to cooperate, and a part of cooperating is asking yourself the questions: What do you want? What's your desire? I know you have goals, but what will satisfy your soul about your life? And to detach that from the list of to-dos that you have for today, in this week, in month. My question to you today is, what are your dreams? What are your goals? What does 32, 42, 52, 62, 72— what at that season of your life is something that you want in your life? And then from there, ask yourself, how do I make room for it? What do I do to work towards that? I'm asking you, my dear, my friend, the watcher of this YouTube video, uh, the, the listener to the podcast on Apple Podcast or Google Podcast. How are you gonna cooperate with God? Because Psalm 37:4 says, Commit your desire. That means you have a desire and you simply need to surrender it and submit it. And then delight yourself in God who gives the desires of your heart. But go on and name it, say what it is, and quit being busy with the little things that are about goals when really there may be bigger things that are connected to dreams. Make room for your dreams. So this is me telling you to take the wisdom of someone who is 82 and who told me when I said, I know, Aunt Jo, I know I'm 52. I'm just a baby. She said, you're just a baby. And when I think about that, from 22 to 52, that was 30 years. Should I leave? Should I live to be Aunt Jo's age? I have 30 years. It's plenty. But the last 30 years has gone by fast and the next 30 years will go by faster. And the way you slow it down, one of the ways you slow it down is by identifying Emerald City. Where does this Yellow Brick Road lead? So What do you desire? What does 82-year-old want from you today? Be honest, write it down, and then be committed to looking at that goal as often as you can, remembering those dreams as frequently as you are able so that you never disconnect your life and how you build it brick by brick with the actual desire you have for your endpoint. What are most of us missing? We got goals. We forget to dream. Who do you want to be? Who will you get to be? What will be the view of your life? I make my children, when we have road trips, even the college kids now put down their phones. Why? We're just driving. Look out the window. Sometimes the things that you need in life are not the things that are in your hand. They're the things that are out of your grasp. But look out the window. So much of the journey of life is in looking out the window. And even if you can't have it, you can see it, you can enjoy it. So desire, dream before you do. And I hope that this has been helpful.. And if it has been, I want to know what your dream is. Put your dream down in the comments. What will make you satisfied with your life? And I don't mean— I'm assuming a great relationship with God. I'm assuming that you have a great relationship with your spouse, but, but what is tied to that? Like, what will that mean? You know, how will you have enjoyed your life? Y'all, he put us here with colors and trees and senses and seasons because you're supposed to change it up a little bit. It's not supposed to be the same. What are the scents, the sights, the sounds, the seasons of your life? What do you want them to be? What is your dream? I look forward to hearing from you. We'll talk to you later.