When Seasons Change

How do you know when it's time for you to change seasons? Well, I have a thought or two about that, and I want to talk to you about it today. Hi, my name is Chrystal Hurst. Thank you so much for joining me. If you're new here, welcome. I go live in my membership, the Inner Circle, every Monday morning, or at least most Monday mornings. And then with a little before the show fun and foolery and a little after the show fun and foolery, we cut that off. Let that stay with the inner circle because some things just need to stay on the inside. And we share the edited, buttoned-up version— Chrystal Hurst actually knows what she's talking about version— every Sunday evening. So if you're not subscribed to my YouTube channel, subscribe right now, right now. And if you're not following me on Facebook and that's your social media of choice, make sure that you are following me there. And if you're on Instagram and don't want to be nowhere else, then just make sure you're following me there, and when I go live everywhere, you'll know. I also want to make sure that you don't out on certain things that I only share with my email list. And you can join that by going to chrystalevanshurst.com, and right below my picture you'll see a spot for your first name and your email address. And then whenever I have something to share, I email you there too. So without further ado, I want to jump into talking about seasons. Now y'all, in my mind I'm 27. I don't know what happened at 27, I just got stuck there. But that is not how old I am. I recently turned 50 years old, and it's really weird to say that. That age feels like it belongs to someone else, but the truth is it belongs to me. And whether I like it or not, that is the number that is attached to my name. There are some really cool things that have come with turning 50 or enclosing, um, approaching 50. I just know stuff. There's wisdom that's come from living life. I like that, but I don't necessarily like the idea that time is limited and I have to maximize it because I want to make sure that I live a life with little to no regret and that I live a life that I truly love. The only way to know that you're living life well is to pay attention to the season you're in and maximize the opportunities that you have then, and then to know when the season is changing. I went to Target just recently, and while I was going to my local Target that's near my house— y'all, I actually used to work at Target when I was 16, that was my first job— um, the Target near my house hasn't changed in all of these years. I mean, virtually speaking, the groceries were where the groceries are, the frozen foods were where the frozen foods are, the diapers and the hair products were where they've always been. Well, I don't know what got a hold of them, but they've decided to do a renovation. And I've been walking around in that Target like, why are y'all moving stuff around? Why are y'all— do you not know that I know where stuff is and I don't want you to change the store? You want to know why they're changing the store? Because they want to give it a fresh look. They want to appeal to new generations. They, they are doing this to maximize their sales opportunity. They want to invite you back if you've not been to Target in a while because of the pandemic and you've been out of the store. When you come back, we want you to see that things are new and improved. They are changing things because the season has moved on, and they are embracing the new season and saying, we're going to move on too. But I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like the transition. I don't like the change. I don't like not knowing where things are. This is what happens when seasons change on us. We don't like it because it means we have to learn new rhythms. It means we have to learn where things are, how to think in the season, how to operate in this season, how we negotiate this season, who we are with in the season. Um, and the different seasons cost us different things. Recently, I welcomed a fourth grandchild— yes, there are four— into my family. It's a sweet little girl. And she was just born a little over a week ago, or maybe no, a week ago today, actually. And I'm so very excited that she's here. But let me tell you what I was reminded of as I was with my daughter as she went into labor and I watched her navigate those labor pains. Transition is real. If you've ever had a baby, you know that you've got to go from 0 centimeters to 10 centimeters and somewhere between 7 and 9, that is called transition. Transition— things happen to you. If you have been playing around and being happy-go-lucky at 2 centimeters or 3 centimeters, you are not playing around at 8. Your whole demeanor changes. You are in a, a place where you are so focused, your body is so focused on moving that baby out of your body and into the world, that you are aware, painfully aware, that you, um, have to focus. And you can't do all the things you were doing in early labor. Listen, in early labor, my daughter was talking, looking, playing on her phone, listening to music, looking at social media, eating a little bit, you know, stopping on the way to the birth center to get what she needed. In transition, she was like, don't talk to me. In transition, she was giving directions. She was being very specific. No, don't touch me there. No, I can't. Transition. She recognized that I am closer to the change of seasons, and that requires a level of focus. When you are moving from one state in your life to another state in your life, there are some things that you need to recognize, because if you fight the transition, it will be more painful, it will be more agonizing, and you will delay the beauty that comes with the next season. You cannot avoid the next season in your life. So let me give you some examples. This is August. We will all be thinking about the rhythm of going back to school, the changing of the seasons from summer to fall. So if you have kids, you're thinking about this. If you are in school yourself, maybe you're getting that the first degree or the second degree or working on your doctoral program, you know that this is about the time where we start trying to get into the rhythms. It's a season of transition, and if you fight the transition, you're not going to have an easy segue into the next season. We all know this with school. So we have back-to-school sales and we get our kids back on a rhythm and we start getting organized because we know that in this season of transition, if we don't prepare for the new season, we'll be in trouble, we'll be behind, we'll be starting without having what we need in order to be successful. But let me give you some other seasons that we may not transition through too well. When our children start growing up, we may not transition well. As soon as you figure out what to do with them when they're 2, they turn 3. As soon as you figure out how to negotiate with them as a 14-year-old or a 15-year-old, they turn 19 and think they're grown. As soon as you realize how to negotiate with your early adult child, then they actually develop their own relationship. They get married, they have their own household. It is constantly in a state of transition. But if you try to treat your 26 6-year-old like they're 6. If you don't recognize the transition, you won't have a great relationship with your child. Let's talk about responsibility. Let's say that you're, uh, a Gen Zer or a millennial. If you're under 35, give me a fist bump. I'd love to see that. So let's say that you are a millennial or you're a Gen Zer. There comes a point where even if you don't want to transition yourself, your insurance that your mama and them is on, they have you on it. When you turn, what is it, 25, 26, you can't have that no more. You cannot. They transition for you. They say, this has been long enough, you should be done with your college degree by now, you should get off your parents' bills and maintain this on your own. And we don't like that transition. We would like for it to stay that way for everyone, for always. But the reality is, even when you don't want to transition to the next season, there are things around you that will force you to do that. And we don't like the transition, but we cannot avoid it. We cannot avoid it. So Adulting 101 is a whole thing. None of us really like adulting. None of us do. We want the freedom that comes with adulting, but many of us, when we start realizing what the responsibility is that comes with adulting, we don't want that. It's too much responsibility. It's too much stress. Who said I had to know how to do this? I'll never forget, I had a young lady who was working for me, and I had, um, given her my checkbook. I said, you write the checks. We had a bunch of things to pay for my kids' school. I said, you write the checks, I'll review them and sign them., and she had to Google how to write a check. I'm not mad at her. I'm not mad at her. But I did say, sweet girl, you do need to know how to write a check, and you need to keep a checkbook just for the one time, two times every five years that you're gonna need to write a check. You know how to write a check. There are seasons where you have to learn how to do the things that you didn't even want to do. But if you miss the transition, if you miss the move into the next season, it's more painful than if you just receive and accept that it's on the way. Let me give you another example, okay? Even if you're in your parents' house— by the way, sidebar, this is for free— even if you're in your parents' house, even if you're there and it's a good thing for you to live with them because COVID has made a lot of us consolidate who we live with, be responsible. Take some bills. You can still adult while you're living in their house in your old bedroom. I'mma get off of that. Marriage is another seasonal transition. Sometimes you are married to the same person and they've been 5 people by the time you've been married to them for 50 years because they have changed. And I heard a preacher say once, God is the only one who can put you with the person that— who you are now, they're the right fit, and who they'll be in 30 years, they'll be the right fit, because you're both changing. That you're both changing. And navigating the transition of the seasons with people that you love, whether that's friendships or relationships like marriage, um, you have to recognize that those relationships have seasons of transition too. There comes a point where many women start looking at their husband— usually happens in the 40s or 50s— and whatever they thought they supposed to do to be a dutiful wife at 20. They've learned what they actually need to be doing, and they learn to communicate. Babe, I love you, but I'm, I'm not doing— I can't do that anymore. So here's what I need from you. Transitions. Seasons change. Sometimes seasons in marriage change because of— you were married and now you're no longer, so you have to transition back to being single or to being a single parent. That's not a transition that's easy, but if you lament it for too long. And if you resist it for too long, it doesn't change the fact that the season is coming. Uh, age— we don't want to go, most of us, into the next decade. We freak out when we turn 30, and then we can't believe that we turned 40, and we say, what does it mean that we turn 50? But let me tell you something, whether you want it to change or not, it will. So whether you are embracing or not embracing being an empty nester, whether you are accepting that I'm still single and you know what, I need to bang out this career because if I'm gonna be single, I need to make sure I'm as successful as possible and I can travel the way I want to with my girlfriends who are single who want to do it too. Like, there's a whole mindset shift that has to happen, and if you don't change, then it will harm you more than do you good. If you don't acknowledge that you're getting older, you won't change the exercise that you need to change, you won't change the food that you need to eat, you won't accept that things are changing with your body. Not that you can't still do it, but maybe you need to do it differently. I was watching one of my girlfriends, um, on Instagram. I was just thumbing through Instagram and I saw in her feed she just said, some people are just so disrespectful. And in her Insta Stories, she had this picture of her invitation to AARP. She said, what in the world? Nobody wants to get the AARP letter to tell you that you've arrived. But you can either recognize that it comes with benefits or not. I'll never forget when my mother started talking about the discount, the senior citizens discount that she would get at IHOP or at the movies, and she was so excited to get the discount. Out. She was like, listen, if I'm gonna be here, I may as well get everything that this season has for me. Seasons are going to change regardless of whether you want them to or not. So the thing is, are you willing to focus in the transition, to recognize that the season is changing and do what needs to be done? Now listen, I am in a season where my children are getting older. I recently just dropped off, uh, the two children who are still at home at camp. And when I tell you I dropped them off, I mean, we dropped them off. Like, I'm the parent that goes to the door with the kids. I climb up in the bunk, I make their beds, I meet their counselors, I, um, I embarrass them really good. I kiss them, I make them take pictures in front of their doorway, I make them take pictures with their counselor, and they're just looking at me like, Mom, leave, please God, leave, leave me alone, I'm so embarrassed. And I don't care. I don't care. I want to tuck them in. I want to make sure they have everything. I watch them while they do their swim test. So the first kid, who's the youngest, I, um, I didn't get to drop him off because we arrived a little bit late. And late check-in, you just drop them off. So then I made a big deal about dropping them off. I was hollering and screaming as he walked away. You're so handsome! Oh my gosh, I'm so excited! And he was so embarrassed. He was so grateful to leave. The oldest son, who is a senior this year, the older one who got dropped off at camp, they We're just trying to get everybody through. So they, they would let us stay if we wanted to, but he said, Mom, I'm good, I'm good. He's 17, he's good, y'all. In all these 20 years of dropping kids off at camp, this is the first year I literally rolled through, let them get their trunk out, their pillow, their bathing suit, their towel, their blanket, and I said bye. You know what? The season is changing. Recently, because of the women's conference that we held at my church, my granddaughter came in, my oldest, and came and sat next to me. And I had these visions of when my daughter used to do this with my mother. She would come into church and sit next to her. And I thought, my, how the seasons have changed. All these years I've been serving alongside my mother in our women's ministry at church.. And because my sister was out of town and because my mother is no longer here, we had our first Desperate for Jesus in the house of my church, Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship. And I was the one on stage leading the in-house experience. Let me tell you something, seasons change whether you want them to or not. So at this point, I hope I've convinced you, one, that seasons are going to change, two, that you have to know when the transition is happening, and three, that you have to embrace it because this is life. Whether you like it or not, this is life. So I want to tell you what to do. I want to tell you what to do because I saw my daughter go through the transition of labor, and I think that there are things that we can learn from what you do in the transition to prepare for what is to come. The first thing is you have to choose to focus. You have to choose to get rid of the noise, and you have to say, what does this require of me? She had her eyes closed. She was focusing on what her body was telling her, and she was so focused on what her body was telling her. And she's learned her body so well now in the season of transition, in the season of moving from having 3 children to 4 and 1 children to 2. Not only was she able to focus, but she was able to communicate what she needed. She was able to say, rub me here, don't rub me there. No, stand here. She was able to communicate to the midwife, have you gotten the birth tub ready? Is the water ready? Because I'll probably be ready in about 10 minutes. There was a high awareness because she shut out the noise. She asked us for the sights and the sounds and the smells that she needed so she could focus. So in a season maybe where you need to make a shift financially, sometimes the seasons change financially. Right now, gas is stupid, everything is stupid. Groceries are stupid. So you may need to make adjustments in the season of transitioning how you've managed your finances for the last 5 years and what you need to do right now in this year right here. It requires focus. You're looking at your budget again. You're figuring out what do I need to cancel, what do I need to cut, what do I need to shift, what do I— where do I need to cut back, how do I need to tighten my belt? You are focused so that you can live in this season well, because the reality is, whether we like it or not, we're in a season where many of us are having to make hard choices about what we do financially. But do you want to go into the next season pretending like it was— it's 2019? No, you don't want to be broke and you don't want your air conditioning cut off. So you're going to make decisions about what you have to do to roll through this next season well. Focusing means doing a couple of things. It means quieting the noise around you and asking yourself the question. So focusing is number 1. Focus. What is happening? Telling me right now? What is my body telling me? What are my finances telling me? What is my family telling me? What are my emotions telling me? You ask questions, okay? What do I need in this season? And then you follow the signs. And a lot of times the signs are going to be black and white, like your budget. They're going to be black and white, like a conversation in a relationship. Um, we're not in a good place right now, spouse. We're not in a good place right now, adult child, uh, teenage child. Um, you've been a little, you know, cray cray. What do I need to know about what you're going through? It requires asking questions. It requires paying attention to your emotions. What is actually giving you ease and what is making you tighten up? You ask questions and then you communicate the answers of those questions to yourself, uh, to your friends, to your family. You make these changes in your budget, but you have to focus first, ask the questions, and then based on those answers, then you make decisions. You redesign your life, you rebuild your life, or you recover rhythms from the past that worked before. There have been seasons in my life with my budget, for example, where it was extremely tight. Then there were seasons where I had a little bit more fun eating out. Well, I had a sit-down conversation because I, I looked at my budget, I focused, and now I have to communicate to our family how we're going to have to redesign our budget in this season. And you have to say, for this season, what are the rhythms What are we doing with the way we eat, with the way you study? If you're going back to school, with how you manage your time. If this is the rhythm where I need to— this is the season where I need to pay more attention to my body and I need to leave room for working out because I've got to get some things under control. What are we changing about the way we operate? We know how this works. When our kids go back to school, we start putting them to bed earlier. We get them situated with their backpack and the school supplies. We want to set them up so that they have a strong start because the season demands it. But there are changing seasons in your life all the time, and you have to say to yourself, I've got to recognize when something new is coming, and I have to be willing to submit to the process of transition, to focus so that I know what I need, to ask myself the questions that need to be asked, and then to be determined to rebuild, to redesign, or recover in whatever way this season needs, because I want to be successful in the next season. And then here's the last part, and it's most important. You have to embrace the new season that you're in, because there's nothing worse than someone who refuses to embrace the next season. If you choose not to embrace it, that doesn't change the fact that it's still going to happen. The question is, is are you going to be well in the change of seasons? Are you going to be fighting, using way too much energy trying to be who you were last year when this year is describing you as a new person indeed? If I want to continue to act like I'm a second grader, well, now I'm in the sixth grade. That doesn't work.. If I want to continue to act like I'm married when now I'm single, that doesn't work. If I want to continue to act single when I'm married, that doesn't work. If I want to pretend that my children are 5 when they're actually 25, that does not work. When I want to pretend that I'm actually making more money but I just lost one of my jobs, uh, that does not work. If I want to pretend that my body is 25 when it's actually 65, that does not work. And there's nothing worse than living out of season when your season has changed. So you need to focus and figure out what's happening. You need to ask questions to know what shifted in your life. You need to be willing to redesign, rebuild, or recover your rhythms, and you need to embrace the new season. I can argue all day long that I wish Target had not changed where the stuff is on the shelves, or I can just say, you know what, this new season is going to bring a new Target, and just like I learned the first Target, I can learn the second Target. My daughter can say it was so much easier when we just had one, or she can accept the fact that they have 4 and learn how to do for 4 what she wouldn't have been able to do just for 1, or how to learn how to operate with 4, because of what you did for 1 don't work when you have 4 and 5 kids running around the house. Embrace your season. We do not go outside, many of us, without looking at the weather report. Why? Because we want to know what the season says for today. Is it going to rain? Is it not going to rain? Is it going to be hot? Is it not going to be hot? Do we have a storm coming in? Is there a day to watch. We want to know why, because we want to be prepared. And then what do we do? Because we pay attention to what's happening in the seasons that day, we dress accordingly. And if we don't pay attention, we regret it when we just got our hair done and when it rains and messes that whole thing up. It's hot right now in Texas, and I'm telling you, I am not wearing a pantyhose to save my life, okay? I want to know— want you to know that it's hot in Texas. I'm not trying to do my hair. I want you to know that it's hot in Texas. My sweaters have moved to the back of the closet. Why? Because I know I'm from Texas, and I know every year when this comes around, I have to be prepared. What is the weather in your life saying right now? Are you paying attention to the report, and are you dressing accordingly? If you're not, you're only going to make yourself miserable. Let me close with this scripture that many of you who love Jesus will already know, but if you needed a reminder, there is a time for everything. Ecclesiastes 3. There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens. There's a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant, a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to mourn, a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a to give up. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be silent, a time to speak. A time to love, a time to hate. A time for war, a time for peace. If you want to fare well in your life, you will focus, ask questions, rebuild, and embrace. Focus, ask questions, redesign and embrace, because life has seasons. And I want you to embrace each season of your life, because each time you refuse to reckon with the reality of your life, you're wasting time. You're wasting time trying to be who you were instead of being who you are right now. My daughter has learned a few things about giving birth. One of the things that she has learned is that if you spend more energy fearing birth, you will not embrace the process of birth and it will take longer. I remember giving birth to my last child. My midwife laid across the bed and she said, "Chrystal, this is taking longer because you won't embrace what your body is trying to do. And the fear is keeping everything tight and tense and it's not allowing you to progress." Do you want to have your baby or not? Then submit to the process of transition and stop fighting it. Do you want to embrace and see what is planned in this new season? Can I say to you, stop being afraid of what is coming. Embrace the season of transition. Let life do what it's supposed to do. Seek help where you need it, but let the seasons flow. Not only will it be a blessing to you because you'll be dressed for the weather today, but when you're prepared, everybody else gets a blessing too. I am now officially the church lady. I have on my list of things to do every weekend to make sure I have mints, Halls, tissues, and all the little accoutrements that the church lady should have in her purse. I'm officially in that season. You want to know why? It brings me great joy when one of my children is falling asleep in church hand them a piece of gum. It brings me great joy when someone has— says, do you have Tylenol? I have a little bit of that in my purse. You know what, that is my mother and my grandmother. But you know what, it is what it is. So when I went to Target the other day, I found the Halls, the mints, and the gum. And in the travel section, I bought myself a little tissue holder thingy. Why? It is what it is, so why not. Wherever you are— 25, 35, 55, 75, 41, 21, 61— no matter, children, no children, married, not married, career set or not, still in school trying to figure your life out— I want you to fare well. And that means that you're going to have to embrace this idea of seasons and move that needle forward by focusing, asking questions, redesigning your life when needed. And embracing the season you're in. My mother wrote a book called Seasons of a Woman's Life. We actually took her plan of writing that book and making it a Bible study, and we did that too. I'll make sure that there's a link to that in the comments. But she believed that the way to live life well as a woman is to know what season you're in and to embrace it. I agree. So wherever you are today, embrace the season.. And if you need a little help, well, ask your mama and your sister, your girlfriend and them, what that means you need to do. Sometimes we can look outside and we see what we think the weather is, but we need a report from somebody who sees higher to know exactly what's coming. So it's okay if you got to ask questions. As long as you embrace, you'll be in good company. So I feel 27. I am not. I'm gonna try to look as young as I can, as long as I can, and be as healthy for as long as I it. But what does the world need of me in this season? Because we have limited time, and the way to maximize your life is to realize that there is a time for everything. And I want to encourage you to live your life well and embrace your time by recognizing your season and embracing that too. Hope you've been helped by this, and if you have, be sure to leave me a note in the comments. Tell me what season you're in. Have you been embracing it or not? What is your challenge with embracing the season. I bet you, as we chat in this great sister circle of ours, you will learn from other women who are sharing in the comments too. And if this has been helpful for you, be sure and share it. All right, if you're watching from the Inner Circle, I'll see you next week. If you're watching from our broader sister circle, I will see you next month. First Monday in September, I will be here. We'll see you soon.