Why Being Yourself Is Better Than Being Perfect

You cannot be, and you sho cannot maintain, perfection for a personality you don't actually have. And your brand basically is who people say you are when you're not in the room. There's some things in my life I can't hide. I was a teen mother. It is what it is. And I think for me, the Lord just said, girl, you can't hide that, so don't hide the rest of it. Tell them the truth. Let me tell you about a time when my public image and the image I desire to curate did not match what was behind closed doors. Shh. Don't tell anybody I'm about to tell this. Hey there. I don't know about you, but I am sick of social media. Like, sick of it. I enjoy it. I want to consume it. I may lay in bed at night for hours on it, but I don't like having to produce for it. I am a person who's been podcasting for 10 years. I've been on YouTube now for, gosh, 5 years. I have an email that most weeks goes out every week. I have a membership, I have coaching, I've got courses, I even have an app. That means that people expect to see me in places. And if I want to let people know what I'm doing in my life, and if I want them to be able to connect with me in the very important ways for which I'm here in this world, I got to tell them. And tell them means you got to send an email. And tell them means you got to make sure you're making announcements. And tell them means Shucks, be on social media. And one of the things that I have been struggling with for a long time is what it looks like to have a social media that's on brand. What is that even? What is on brand? Because here's what I can tell you. When I really look on brand, that's because I have gotten dressed in clothes that I don't want to wear. And also that I have put on makeup that I actually don't want to put on either. I'm not saying there's not a place for that. There is a place for me to kind of look my best and be my extra special terrestrial Chrystal Hurst version. I could do that. But most of the time, on brand for me is just regular every day. I mean, I did good for y'all today. I've got on a jacket over what amounts to basically a muumuu. I buy these same muumuus off of Amazon all the doggone time. And when they get frazzled, get a hole in them, or get stained, you want to know what I do? I go back and buy 2 or 3 more because muumuus or a t-shirt and yoga pants is what I want to do every day. The reason why my hair is in braids right now is because trying to be a content creator and live on brand means your hair is supposed to be done. And I don't want to think about doing my hair. I just want to wake up, show up, sit here and talk to you. Living an on-brand life, man, it is work. It is work. And even if you don't do anything to make sure you look a certain way when you show up, you still have to show up. You still got to record the content. You still got to make the doggone reel. You still have to create the caption. You still have to go out here and make sure that you're being consistent. Oh my goodness. You're supposed to reply to the people in the comments. Exhausting. Living an on-brand life is something that generations before never even had to think about. At least online they didn't. But our platforms now, whether you are an Instagram person, a YouTube person, a LinkedIn person, a TikTok person, our everyday conversations are happening in places where we have— whether you like it or not, whether you think you are a marketing person or not, you have a brand. And your brand basically is who people say you are when you're not in the room. Branding isn't just a buzzword for women of faith. It's a brand of your character in public view. It's who you are, what you represent, how you represent your faith, how you represent what you say is important to you out of your mouth. It's how you represent Christ. Matthew 5:14 specifically talks about us being light, a representation of him and of the gospel. You are a light of the world. A city that's set on a hill cannot be hidden. So no matter what, because you carry light wherever you go, even if it's minimal light. You cannot be hidden. The core of you cannot be hidden. If somebody sees you long enough, if they come to your Instagram page long enough, if they're with you in a small group long enough, if they're in your family long enough, they will say, oh, this is your brand. When you walk out of the room, here's how we define you. So even if you're not a content creator, uh, and especially if you are, I want you to think today about what it means for you to live an on-brand life. Let me tell you what the easiest content is for me to create. The easiest content for me to create is when I set up a camera, just a tripod randomly, because the best time for me to capture my on-brand life is when I'm living my life. Your life is your message. It's not who you turn into when you put your makeup on and when you put on your outfit. It is not who you want other people to see you as. It's not what you hope. You hope your brand will be. It's who you really are, because over time, who you really are is who will consistently show up. You can only maintain a fake brand for so long. This is why the media gets so excited in People magazine and TMZ when they can catch somebody not ready for the camera. That's why you go in the grocery store line and there are people's faces plastered with no makeup on, or they're waiting for them to come out of their Hollywood homes to take out the trash. We got them in sweatpants! Eventually, who you really are will come out. Just like content creators curate their content, women of faith must curate lives that reflect your faith, the truth, the grace, the authenticity that you should carry at all times. One of the things that I am proud to say is that my parents did not live a double life. Being a pastor's kid, I've heard lots of stories about other pastors' families where the pastor or the pastor's wife lived one way on Sunday and they lived another way during the week. Now, the best it got is when somebody called, you better believe my mother would have been looking at us and saying, uh, you need to get in that kitchen right now and clean those dishes. I am tired of telling you it's the same thing over and over and over again. Ring, ring.

Hello?

That did happen. Now, that did happen. But in terms of operating like Christ, there was consistency. If you can think about the kind of life legacy that you wanna leave, you then have to backwards engineer that to today. Anna Wintour is the editor of Vogue, and I saw it on social media because where else do you get your news, that she went to work there and was asked on her first day, where do you think you wanna ascend to? Like, where do you wanna go here at the company? And she was meeting the editor of Vogue and she said without blinking an eye, I want your job. And she had it in 5 years, and she's held it for over 30. When that woman walks in a room, she doesn't take her sunshades off. She has a master class where she talks about what it looks like to work for her, what she expects. I believe a little birdie told me that The Devil Wears Prada, that movie, was based off of her. I was listening to this, uh, social media reel, and it says if you're an intern, you can't get on the elevator with her. Staff members, unless you are in a scheduled meeting with her, you shouldn't look her in the face while she's walking down the hallways to have a conversation. She has a whole brand, but she lives that brand out. I don't want to be demure like that. I might want people to be scared of me just a little bit though. Just, just a little bit. Think twice before you talk to me. See, that's right there. That little, that little departure. That's why I can't be fully demure. That's why. Because I have a funny bone in my body. My family thinks I'm not funny. They, they think I'm, I'm not funny. They think I'm super Y'all think I'm funny, so I will go with y'all. But I want to have a little demure. I want to have a little— I don't say everything I'm thinking. I would love to be still silly and fun and adventurous with a dash of she's a boss. That's what I would like. I would like to be a prayer warrior that when I say I'm going to pray for you, I would really love for the Lord to increase my ability to operate in a gift of faith. I want to be able to operate in what I feel like he's given me, which is a word of knowledge to people. That he reveals sometimes things to me about people that I, I would not know. And I want to operate in those giftings with confidence. I don't want to walk around seeking everybody's approval. I don't want to walk around making sure everybody likes me. I don't want to walk around being too silly to be taken seriously. I think about what is it that I want to have said about me when I'm not in the room, and then I'm asking myself, what am I curating? If somebody were to put up a tripod and a phone— because I got a million extra phones, y'all, every time I get a phone. I just use the old one as a camera. Why not? If I put up a tripod and a phone and somebody is capturing me at the kitchen table, capturing me talking to my children, capturing me talking to a woman at church that serves on a women's ministry, capturing me talking to my team, capturing me talking to my parents, capturing me talking to you, that what I am saying, how I am behaving, how I show up in a room is curated intentionally to match who I am on the inside, living from the inside out, and that it reflects truth. Grace, authenticity, and the mark that I want to make. The mark that I want to make means I will boldly tell you what I see when I talk to you. The mark that I want to make is that when anybody passes by me, if they work for the Sister Circle, if they serve alongside in a ministry, that because they connected with me in some way, that I called out their gifting in them, and I also called out what was incorrect, that I was able to say and tell myself, girl, you in your 50s, you know a thing or two. You have the right, with kindness and speaking the truth in love and seasoning your words with pepper and salt and thinking about the edification of the body to tell somebody the truth, and that I value truth speaking, and that even when I'm not trying, that's who I am. Let me tell you about a time when my public image and the image I desire to curate did not match what was behind closed doors. Shh, don't tell anybody I'm about to tell this. So in my 20s, I was stressed out. Let's— that's no excuse, but it is the truth. And there was a dry cleaner that was near my place of work. This is back in my institutional money management days, my CFP, CFA, CPA days, y'all. And I don't know what happened that day. I don't know. I don't know. All I could tell you is that the person behind the counter was flippant, and whatever I needed, whatever I was supposed to pick up wasn't ready, and they were in the wrong. But the person behind the counter talked a little crazy to me, and I was on edge. I was probably late for work, so I walked in. I don't even want to say this out loud, but I did. And I probably didn't do it as bad as some people do it. Like, you see how I'm avoiding telling you? I mean, I just flat out cussed her out. Just— I have been told, in high school, y'all, I tried to cuss. And I say I tried to cuss because when I tried at the lunch table with the cool kids, one of the girls, I'll never forget her. She said, "Don't do that, Chrystal." I said, "What?" She said, "Don't do that." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "You're not doing it right. You don't sound right." I was like, "I'm trying to cuss! Let me cuss!" Let me do it. Get out of my way. Let me be a heathen if I want to. So anyway, at the dry cleaner in my 20s, I let them have it. That— and it wasn't even a full— it wasn't even probably what y'all think it was. It was my version. Okay, so y'all, I left and immediately felt like I wanted to fold in on myself. Immediately I felt like I wanted to shrink. I just felt terrible. This person did not know me. They didn't know my— well, they knew my name because I dropped off my clothes, but they didn't know me. I owed them nothing. When I tell you The next— I got off of work, and the next time I got in my car, I made a beeline for the dry cleaner. When I went there, of course, the early morning person was not there. The next morning I came in, the early morning person was there, and I came in. Now, this is the lesson. When I walked in and I was just like, I was supposed to come back and apologize, and I knew that. So I came back in and I said— he said, you here to pick up your clothes? I can't remember if it was a he or she. But anyway, it's a person. Are you here to pick up your clothes? Yes. You have your ticket? Yes. And then I said, before you go get my clothes, I need to apologize to you for how I spoke to you yesterday. I said, that is not typically a part of my character. I don't use that language and I certainly don't use offensive language with another person. So I apologize. And this person looked at me and he's like, it's alright, and moved on. But I was experiencing cognitive dissonance between what I know my brand to be, who I know myself to be. I had an internal conviction. I had an internal break with my character. I had an internal break with the kind of mark that I want to make everywhere I live. And this is how you know. This is how you know when you are out here on social media putting stuff up that's not you. It's not your life. It's not who you are. And you— and you feel that, you know, Tabitha Brown has said over and over and over again that the reason why she is where she is is because she consistently showed up as herself. You are wasting time when you try to show up like someone else, because one, you can't maintain that, and two, you're going to be exhausted doing it. We should be walking in the effort to be conformed to the image of Christ, but through you, your personality, your experiences, the way you're designed and where you operate. So one of the scripture verses that I know is Colossians 4:6, "Let your conversation always be full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." That is a part of my character that has been baked in. So when I went and used a few choice words to talk to that person, I felt internal conviction. Your brand is what people will say about you when you're not in the room. And that means when you enter the room, you have to embody whatever your brand is supposed to be, even while you're working on it, even while you're developing it. You cannot produce what you don't have roots for. And so it's important for you to think about what fruit you wanna produce and then nurture those roots. Your life is your message. The second thing that I want to tell you about when you want to live an on-brand life is that authenticity is the anchor of your influence. You cannot be, and you sho cannot maintain perfection for a personality you don't actually have. And the thing is, people are not looking for perfection. They're simply looking for and craving authentic connection. With who God created you to be and who he is through you as Christ changes you from the inside out. Your brand as a believer is strongest when it's aligned with your identity in Christ. So how do you do that? You need to make sure you are reading the word, studying the word, learning to listen to the Holy Spirit's conviction. When you go and you cuss somebody out at the dry cleaner like I did— see, now this is going to become a part of my brand. They're gonna be like, did you know First of all, they're going to say Chrystal cussed the dry cleaner out. And then they're going to say, actually, she tried to cuss, but she couldn't do it right.

Ah!

The Bible says in Proverbs 31, charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord, she will be praised. That is a brand. That as a woman gets older and as a woman loses what the world said is beauty, she gets crow's feet or she gains a few pounds or she's no longer the hot to trot speaker or people are no longer following her, her numbers aren't growing, or whatever you define branding as, that the more she is kept, the more she fears the Lord, the more she is found in him, the more beautiful she gets. We playing around with content, DJ and I, and we have conversations about let's try it. And then I'll say, well, that doesn't feel like me, that does feel like me. Um, there have been seasons where I do, I look at how many people are reviewing a reel, sharing a reel, what works. I mean, that's the role of content creation. And so there's a part of it that it's the job, right? But a part of it is I want to reach the people who want to see what I have to say. And so I'm looking for the engagement. If you share it, if you like it, if you comment on it, that says, okay, it hit a nerve. The reason why there are half a million views on the Write It Down video that I did a couple of years ago is because it hit a nerve. People said, you're right, I need to write it down. I need to remember what God said to me. I need to believe that what he said to me in past seasons can still come to pass. That was an organic, unplanned, I'm slobbering. I took my phone, recorded it, put it on Instagram, and then said, I watched the engagement on Instagram. I was like, wait a minute, that hit a nerve. So then I uploaded it to YouTube, and that was without me trying a part of branding.. So now people find me, they found me, they find me still because I saw your write it down video. You know what a part of my branding now is? Write it down. I kind of stumbled into that. I was already doing it, but I organically did that. But there have been times when it doesn't happen organically. We plan out our content, we plan it out on a, on a content calendar, and then we start making things and then they go into Asana for approval and then they have to be saved in a Google Doc. And then we have to run it through Grammarly to make sure there aren't spelling errors out here in the world because I'm a writer. I don't want there to be spelling errors. All of that. And if you wanna know what's working, you look at your analytics, but the analytics for my social should be to inform me of what is working. But I should always be asking myself, if it worked, do I wanna keep doing it? Because was it a part of my branding? If I tried it, is that who I wanna continue to be? You should look at your analytics. You should ask people, What do people say about me when I'm not in the room? You should ask your employees, your contractors, your volunteers, how can I be better? Uh, this is what I want my brand to be. Am I, am I doing that? You shouldn't chase it though. There's a difference between assessing it and chasing it. There's a difference between being, getting feedback and running after approval. And so, You ought to be convicted when you are chasing the claps. Sometimes you have to say no to the partnerships because even though that would be a partnership that is great, it's not on brand. Sometimes you resist the trend because even though it would be amazing for you to do that and see if you get shared a million times, that song is not for your channel. Even though this group of people might help you, uh, to be seen in the right circles, you don't need to be in the room with them. There was a reel that we did in the office. We were— it was after hours, I think it was on a Friday, and I learned the dance and it was so fun. And then I'm just watching them and I finally said, I'm gonna jump up, I'm gonna jump up, I'm gonna do the dance with y'all. And then I was like, let's post it, let's post it. And you know what the girl said? We're gonna post it but with a different song. I said, why? I could be a little ratchet. Let me be a little ratchet. Let the people know I can be a little ratchet. But calling card— we changed the song on that reel, y'all, because they were like, we don't want to be a distraction. You want to be authentic, 100%. You don't want to chase the likes, you don't want to chase the followers, you don't want to chase approval. And if you are chasing approval, let me tell you something, it won't work. Whatever you're trying to put your hands to the plow to do, if you're trying to do it for man's approval, it won't fly. If you are trying to do it so that people can see who you are, so that you can get rich, and so that because you're talking about Jesus and because you're talking about the things that he says he values, but you're really doing it so that your ego can be stroked, so that you can get further, so that it's all about you, it won't be sustainable. Because authenticity and operating in your unique design is like a fingerprint. No one can copy it. So when you are copying someone else, you're not gonna have the results they have. When you're off brand, it's like wearing someone else's shoes. It'll be uncomfortable and it will be unsustainable. Authenticity, being who God created you to be, that is the anchor of your— that's the key word— your influence. What God designed you to be, what no one else can do in your scope of influence, in your family, at your job, at your church. Your authenticity is your calling card, your integrity, that who you are in public and who you are in private, that that is intact because that's the legacy you will leave. Remember I talked to you about faithfulness and fruit, that you can't grow a fruit where there is no root. Your brand done consistently, how you show up consistently, what you produce consistently. That's how you make a mark! I cannot put a nail on piece of wood— well, I could depending on the wooden nail—with one hammer and blow. That not most us puts nails into wall or pieces of woods; we take the nail because don't wanna hit our hands, so we take the hammer tap-tap-tap, tap-tap-tap, tap-tap-tap... And work it in over time with little taps that goes in. When the nail goes in, it makes a mark. Some of you have had earrings in your ear, and because you kept wearing heavy earrings, the little hole is not a little hole anymore. It's kind of like this draggy open L because you wore something that was too heavy for you and it made a mark. I tell my boys all the time when they have acne on their face and they get a pimple, put your hands down, don't rub it, don't— Pick it. I don't want it to leave a mark because if it just appears and you leave it alone, it'll just go away. A mark happens because you dig it in, you hammer it down, you keep picking at it, you keep moving it through so that it creates a groove. And where there's a groove, that's your legacy. That's why so many of us have problems with how we think, because your thought patterns are just that. They're patterns. They are grooves. And so when you're trying to change your habits, when you're trying to say, I'm going to show up as someone different, It's so hard because you're creating a new groove. That's why taking your thoughts captive is a process, not an instance. You have to do it over and over and over again. And so when you're thinking about whether you're a content creator or you're a mom at home, or you're a leader at church, or you're a boss at work, what the making of your mark requires, what the legacy is going to be, because integrity means authenticity over time. You got to ask yourself, did I do it once or do I always do it? Because it's from regularly doing it that you will have a legacy that's spoken about, a mark that lasts.

Listen, if you're wondering what's the next best move financially, you are not the only one. Lots of people, including me, are out here trying to figure out how we can be good stewards of our dollars. So that's why at the Sister Circle live event, I have asked some great voices in the space of Money Honey to come and talk to us about what to do. Budgeting, investing, debt and credit score management, and business finance 101. I want you to join me at the Sister Circle event, not just to increase your capacity to think about being a good steward and having an abundant mindset, but also to learn what to do. Let's be specific. We don't have to be out here in these streets just surviving and figuring out how to make it. We can thrive, and I'd love for you to thrive with me. While in-person tickets are no longer available. Virtual tickets are. So go to thesistercircle.com/live right now so that you can be in the virtual room. You'll get access to the whole event, virtual replays, digital swag bags, and more.

What are you waiting on? Go to thesistercircle.com/live today. Proverbs 10:9 says, whoever walks in integrity walks securely, and whoever takes crooked paths will be found out. You, you can't make a mark taking every path that comes up all the time, getting lost in the woods, taking every little exit. You gotta stick with it. Stick with it. If you don't feel— because often I don't feel like what my calling card is, is it. I'm like, that's not— you know, I'm still working on it. And but over time, I have security. One of the reasons why I'm now letting y'all call me Coach even though it still makes my back tingle a little bit, is because I've been here for 10 years. 10 years coming up with things to say every week. 5 years on YouTube. 10 plus 10 years sending emails. I have been here creating courses. I have been here talking to people face to face and, and calling things out that they didn't know was in there, asking the right question. I sat with Dr. Jill on my podcast recently, and then I had the opportunity to have her on the stage with me at an event. And as soon as it was over, she looked at me when the mics were off and she said, and she held my hand and she said, Chrystal, I want you to know you're good at this. You ask great questions. I'm on panels all the time and you have a knack for this. You know what I've been doing for the last 10 years? Asking questions. So when somebody says, "Coach Chrissy, and my spine wants to tingle," I have to tell myself, you've been doing this consistently. You are walking in authenticity consistently and in integrity with who you are. So girl, stand up straight and walk secure. It allows you, when you take those thoughts captive, to corral rogue thoughts and to have a renewed mind. So that you don't take an exit. See, this is why some of y'all are struggling in life, your online life, your offline life, because you keep taking exits. And you want to know why? Because you're not secure. If you say, God, who do you want me to be? And you let the Holy Spirit guide you, you let the Holy Spirit convict you, and then you stay consistent to that, you'll quit taking exits. Even if it's uncomfortable, you'll own it. I'm— I feel better now about getting online and advertising things. I've had to tell myself, Chrystal, they won't know about the cruise if you don't tell them. They're not going to know about your live event if you don't tell them. They're not going to know about the Inner Circle if you don't tell them. They're not going to know if you don't tell them. I'm getting comfortable telling them, but that's because I am walking in integrity and authenticity. And the things that I'm creating, I'm doing it because I really do feel like it'll help your life. I don't— I mean, yeah, I do this because I like the tech and I like the— but I'm saying what I'm saying is because I've been told I have a gift of practicality of faith. That I'm willing to tell you that I cussed the dry cleaner out. I mean, there's some things in my life I can't hide. I was a teen mother. It is what it is. I have a blended family. My husband and I each brought one to the plate. So no, I wasn't a virgin when I got married because I was fooling around having babies. I'm just saying it is what it is. So there is a reality in my life that I can't hide. And I think for me, the Lord just said, girl, you can't hide that, so don't hide the rest of it. Like, you know, be smart. Everybody doesn't need to know everything. But tell them the truth. And that even today, if something slips out of my mouth, I'm convicted because the Bible says that blessing and cursing ought not to proceed out of the same mouth. So I can be honest with you, and that is my calling card. My calling card is, yeah, I'm gonna teach you the Bible. Yeah, I teach the Bible at church, but I'm also going to sit here and say, girl, what's your brand? Who are some people supposed to say you are when you leave the room? Does that line up with who you are? Because if it doesn't, get authentic and get integrous. In order for you to have a blueprint for your life, you're going to have to decide what is the shape of my house supposed to be? And then mark off the rooms, mark the blueprint so that, so that everything, everybody will know where things go, that there will be compartments in your life for Bible study, compartments in your life for your family, compartments in your life for your children, compartments in your life for your weight, for your health. For your mouth, for your mind, for how you show up on your job. I don't want how I show up on Instagram or LinkedIn or YouTube or for y'all on Monday mornings to be different than what happens when you see me in person. And many people will say that, Chrystal, I saw you in person and you were the same. Good, good. I want to live in such a way that if someone said something bad about me to someone else, that someone who truly has seen me over time wouldn't believe it if it wasn't true. They're like, nah, I don't believe that. I followed her for too long. I've met her in person. I— that's not true. I want it to be the same. The goal is for you to have a brand that honors God. And living on brand is really about living aligned, aligned with your faith, aligned with your values, aligned with your purpose. Whether you're creating content or simply living your life in your community, I need you to remember that your life is always going to be your loudest post. A worthy brand for your family, for your friends, for the people you fellowship with in your local church, it isn't built overnight. It is built daily as you make quiet decisions, as you open up your Bible, as you write in your journal, as you hold your tongue. It allows you to boldly be who you don't quite feel like you are yet, so that it adds up to a faith-filled life. So I want you to take inventory. What parts of your public life don't reflect your private convictions? This is why sometimes I let y'all see my house clean and sometimes I don't, so that I'm walking in integrity. Because I'm called to show 'em what you working with sometimes. Ask God to help you realign your personal brand with his truth. Ask God to do that. He'll show you. And then be mindful that your influence is sacred, so use it well. Take inventory, pray boldly, live intentionally. So what parts of your public life that most people see don't add up to what's really happening behind closed doors? Let me tell you how many marriages would be healed if people could say, "We fight all the time." Let me tell you how many people would be better in their finances if they would say, I am in so much debt, I don't know what to do. Let me tell you how much better your body would be if you would get on that scale and tell yourself the truth about what you weigh. Because whatever you do, you got to do authentically if you want to do it for the glory of God. That's 1 Corinthians 10:31. So this is my encouragement to you to live an on-brand life so that you can make a mark, so that you can have a blueprint for your brand, Authenticity that builds trust with the people around you, that your integrity, that consistency creates a foundation on which your, your life can last. Because when you live on brand, you are living out your ministry because every piece of content, every conversation, every decision is an opportunity to minister in alignment and build the kingdom. Because when you live authentically and with integrity, This adds up for the believer to eternal significance. You want to make a mark? You want to tap, tap, tap and drive that nail into that wood? You want to create the groove that goes really deeply and make a mark that adds up to legacy? Find out what the brand is by reading the Bible, and then know that you may be the only Bible some people ever read. Live on brand. So that you are always living with your Maker's mark.

Sometimes you just need somebody in your corner.

If you're looking for coaching, accountability, and community with women who love God and who want to live their lives intentionally too, the Inner Circle is the place you need to be. Come on in the room.