Why Do We Give Up On Our Dreams?

How many times do you start something and then stop it? Like you just don't quite get to the finish line. How many times are you feeling sick of yourself because you keep setting the same goal over and over again? What dream or desire for your life have you just put on the shelf because you've decided it's too hard to get there, it's too late to start again, or the goal is simply too far out of reach? The thing is, we have dreams for our lives at certain points and The reality is life hits, and sometimes we are lazy, and sometimes we don't set ourselves up for success, or sometimes life is just difficult and we get derailed over and over and over again. Maybe we don't have the support we need. Maybe there are things that just happen in life, and maybe our money is diverted or our energy is diverted. The unexpected steals the time we thought we would have. But when God has put a desire in your heart, it is so important that you honor that desire. And if you have dreamed and that dream come to pass. You owe it to yourself to dream again. There is a friend of mine, I call her Aunt Jo. She is in her 80s. She used to be a radio talk show host. She hosted a radio show for years. And in her 80s, she just started a podcast. This is the same woman that a few months ago asked me, Chrystal Hurst, how old are you? And I said, well, I'm, you know, 52 at the time, I think. And She said, "Okay, so what are you dreaming for your life now?" And I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, I know you dreamed when you were in your 20s, but have you chosen to dream again? What is your dream for the next 20 to 30 years of your life?" And when I think about that, y'all, I have lived as an adult about 30 years, and that's been a whole lifetime. And I've lived like 3 lifetimes in that. I've had the corporate life, I had the homeschool mom life, I've had the speaker author life. If I get to do that 3 more times, if I get to redream my life for my 50s and my 60s in my 70s, what actually do I want to do? Not only do I have the ability to honor the opportunities that God has given me, but I also get a chance to enjoy my life. And if I didn't get to it earlier because I didn't have the time or I didn't have the money or I didn't have the support, who said I have to stop living just because I'm in my 50s? In fact, I think that any point in your life you choose to live to the best of your ability, then that is the best time for you to live. In my 20s, I had a good time with friends, started a choir at church. We enjoyed that season. In my 30s, I did all the things— group tomatoes, made bread, cloth diapered, homeschooled my kids. In my 40s, I've written books, sold a bunch of copies, started content creating. And y'all, none of those things was actually what I wanted to do fully. All I ever wanted to do was be a wife and a mom and support and grow women at my church. That was it. That was all I wrote down in my 20s. And I've had the opportunity to dream and dream again in my 50s. I've started coaching because a lot of girls have started calling me Coach Chrissy. I have so many women who have come to me now and said, Chrystal, I've been listening and watching you, but I want to learn from you, like professionally. I want talk about speaking or writing or building my business or being a leader. So we've started doing that too, and that's not something I saw coming. Y'all, we keep getting to develop ourselves and experience and try new things. So if you're not an active participant in dreaming for your life, you're leaving something on the table. But I know that when you dream, and sometimes when you dream again, life happens, or you run out of steam, or you don't have the discipline and energy, what it takes But I want to talk about some of the reasons why you might stop dreaming, how you might get to the point where you quit on the things that you want to do. And if you found yourself quitting and quitting and quitting again, well then, this episode is definitely for you. Here's number 1. Here's why we do this. You are confusing delay with denial. So every time things get hard in your life, you're like, oh well, it's not going to happen for me. Every time you experience an unexpected hit, you're like, oh, this is harder than it should be. Every time you don't have the support that you thought you would have, um, then you say Well, how am I going to do it without X, Y, and Z? You confuse the muck in the mire with an end, like a stop sign, when really it's just a slow down. It's just a yield. It's just a detour. It's just something that adjusts the speed at which you are able to accomplish whatever you set out to accomplish or whatever finish line you want to accomplish. But instead of reading it like a slowdown, you read it like a stop. And many of us think delay equals denial. But God often uses delay or the, the unexpected thing or the extra time. He honestly uses that for preparation, and it's not about punishment. Again, as I mentioned earlier before we got into our official talk, I am teaching through the book of Exodus at our church on Wednesday nights, and I'll be sharing those Exodus teachings with the Inner Circle, giving us, uh, the girls in the Inner Circle reading plan, because we should read the Bible. We should read the Bible. But y'all, God could have taken the Israelites straight from Egypt to Canaan, but that would have been a straight line through a land of war and battle. And he was like, y'all ain't ready for that. So he took them the long road so that they would be prepared for what he had for them and would not be crushed, would not be beaten, would not be conquered unnecessarily. So they had not built up the muscle for it. Sometimes when God is delaying your dream, when you say I'm gonna quit because it's not happening, it's actually because he needs I need you to have something developed in you so when your dream comes to pass, you are ready. You have the capacity, you have the strength, you have the fortitude, you have the knowledge, you have the experience. Listen, if you're wondering what's the next best move financially, you are not the only one. Lots of people, including me, are out here trying to figure out how we can be good stewards of our dollars. So that's why at the Sister Circle live event, I have asked some great voices in the space of Money Honey to come and talk to us about what to do. Budgeting, investing, debt and credit score management, and business finance 101. I want you to join me at the Sister Circle event, not just to increase your capacity to think about being a good steward and having an abundant mindset, but also to learn what to do. Let's be specific. We don't have to be out here in these streets just surviving and figuring out how to make it. We can thrive. And I'd love for you to thrive with me. While in-person tickets are no longer available, virtual tickets are. So Go to thesistercircle.com/live right now so that you can be in the virtual room. You'll get access to the whole event, virtual replays, digital swag bags, and more. What are you waiting on? Go to thesistercircle.com/live today. One of the problems that I see with many people, and of course the younger you are, the more likely this is to happen, that we want to jet set on our goals, but we want to skip because we want to make the money or we want the title or we want the responsibility. We want to skip the developmental process. I put my kids to work and it's wonderful to have my kids as a business expense because that also means that I give them expenses for their real life. No, I'm not paying for your haircut anymore. You have a paycheck. Why am I doing that? No, I'm not paying for the gas anymore. You can pay for that. Like push down the thing. You need a new pair of shoes? I already bought you one pair of shoes for this year. You want a second one? You buy that. So my budget for the house gets smaller because they're getting paid and they're owning their own skills and abilities. But you know, one of my kids was doing some work for me and he said, Mom, I just don't want to do random things. I want a real job. And I said, well, do you know what it means to start at the bottom? Starting at the bottom means you, you can't even do a real job until you learn the job. So while you're in training for that job, I also need this done. It's called grunt work. It's called just do what needs to be done. It's called, you know, be, be the runner, be the runner, be the office assistant, do whatever is on the table. Because in doing those things, you actually build up your understanding of how everything works and how what you want to do fits in. Y'all, we have to be willing to do what's required for the season that we're in. We have to stop being frustrated that where we want to go is taking longer than what we would like. Habakkuk 2:3 says, though it linger, wait for it, it will certainly come and it will not delay. So that means that what you're experiencing as a delay for you may not actually be a delay in God's economy. If you are pregnant and you are expecting that baby to be born— I'll never forget when I realized that you're not really pregnant for 9 months, you're pregnant for, you know, at the 10-month mark. It was like, oh, this is different than what I'd heard. But we don't want the babies to come at 6 or 7 months. Why, why not? Because as much as we might want to see that baby, and as much as we are excited to meet him or her, we don't want premature. We don't want early. We want fully baked. Because we understand that even though you might be ready to see that baby and ready to, to hold that baby in your arms, if the baby comes early, then you may be subjecting yourself or the baby to problems that you don't want to have. Full term is better. And this is what God is saying to you and I in our lives. Full term is better. There are a lot of things we can rush to the finish line, but I can tell you from experience that rushing projects, rushing dreams, rushing responsibilities, rushing conversations, uh, rushing anything, getting it to the finish line if it's not ready, you'll regret not taking the time. And God is not going to rush you to the finish line because he's interested in your development. Philippians 1:6 says that God will work out in you. He's going to finish the work that he started in you, that he will be faithful to complete the work that he started in you. And he's interested in a fully baked good. He's interested in a full-term baby. I make amazing banana bread, y'all, and pumpkin bread and all kinds of things. If I take those things out early, they're not enjoyable to eat. And God wants you to enjoy the fruit of your labor and enjoy the fruit of your efforts and enjoy the fruit of your development. That cannot happen if he rushes the process. So where in your life are you frustrated because it's simply taking too long? And maybe instead of being frustrated because the timeline is isn't your timeline, maybe turn that into a question for God and say, hey God, I'm assuming that because this desire is still in my heart that you still have me on a pathway to an end that you can see. But I'm frustrated that this is taking so long. What is it in me that you want to develop? How can I cooperate with you so that what you are developing in me I can see and do? And if there's a part I need to play, show me. Help me not to quit too early because Delay is not denial. The second thing I want to tell you is that if you are quitting, it might be because you're relying on your own willpower instead of God's power. Now, I don't want to over-spiritualize this because it does take your, your energy, your discipline, your willpower. But there are some things, y'all, especially the things that God has put in our heart to do, you cannot do without his power. So if you're doing them in your own strength, they will be innocuous. There are certain things that only happen in power when they happen in and with the Spirit of God. And if you push things forward in your own strength, you burn yourself out because there are certain things in your life that were never supposed to happen in your own strength. Now, as a person who's an achiever, as a person who likes to make things happen, I am a my own strength person. I have to watch for this often, and I have to make sure that I'm actually— I'm actually investing my time with God to make sure that what I'm doing and the way I'm doing it is what he wants me to do the way he wants me to do it. Zechariah 4:6 says it's not by might, not by power, but by my spirit, says the Lord Almighty. There are certain things you got to do. You got to fix dinner, and that may not be by the spirit of God, you know what I'm saying? Like, you just got to get dinner on the table for your family, you know. You just got to show up at work on time. But there are certain things in your life that are dreams. They are bigger than you. They are hopes that you have for your future. And if you try to do it in your own strength, it's not going to work the same as if God gets underneath it. Like, it's like a— it's like walking up the steps at the airport versus walking up the escalator, or walking down the down the hallway at the airport versus getting on the moving walkway. You can do it, but you're going to do it and strain yourself and stress yourself. And then you quit because you actually are out of energy. But you weren't supposed to do that on your own anyway. We all have phones, whether you're team Android or team Apple. And I've seen the memes about, you know, the Apple phone just getting caught up with the Samsung. I don't care. Team Apple for life, even though I kind of want to buy an Android phone just because I'm kind of curious. But anyway, we all have phones. Electronics. They need to be plugged in. Your batteries run out. It doesn't matter how strong your phone is, it doesn't matter how big your battery is, eventually it will shut down if it's not plugged into power. There are things in your life— if you believe in Jesus, he wants— the goal is for you to be more like Jesus. You cannot be like Jesus on your own. You cannot. So you will run out of power to do what you know is right or to do what God has put in your heart if you're doing it in your own strength. And the way God moves is not the way we move. He is slow sometimes to bring things to fruition, but once he is at the finish line, it's like suddenly— it's, it's the way he moves. Like, we would like just for it to be done, or we would like to do it slow and, you know, and not have the jerk at the end. But the way God moves is not the way we move. And so when we try to move in our own strength, we burn our batteries out. We burn our batteries out. I always like to say when I'm trying to figure out what God would have me do and what I need to do on my own, I'm asking the Lord, like, I'm your daughter, let me check in with you. I'm your daughter. And I'm assuming that while the Christian life is not supposed to be easy, that there are some things that about the way people treat me or about how I lay my life on the line, how I sacrifice it's how I keep my mouth closed, or when I say the righteous right thing, that the way I move is not about what I want to do, it's about what you want to do in me. So rather than feeling like I have to keep the weight of the world on my shoulders, I ask the Lord, like, as your daughter, what do you want me to do here? As your daughter, do you need me to do a holy clapback? As your daughter, do you need me to say the hard thing but the right thing in love? As your daughter, Do you want me to sacrifice today? Is today the day I, I stay up, get up earlier, listen longer, or is today the day I set a boundary? And often we go further when God wants us to set boundaries, and we quit earlier when God wants us to keep going. And the only way you know the difference is God's power at work in your, in your life. There have been many times as I work and parent and pay bills and do ministry and serve at my church and travel where I have made a plan and not consulted God, um, where I have done what I wanted to do. And let me tell you, I have paid the price for it. Sometimes, y'all, when we are overly extended, emotionally exasperated, and empty, when we find ourselves losing it, it's because we did the right thing. We were the good girl. We met the need. We show up and we serve everybody. But God was like, I didn't ask you to do all that. And then you can't figure out why you have no emotional reserves. And he's like, because you're spending your emotional reserves in places I never asked you to. Or the opposite is true. We look around and we don't have friends, or we don't have community, or we don't have support. But the whole time we were moving on our own, and God was like, I didn't ask you to move like that. I asked you to move and bring people along with you, not to bulldoze and do it yourself. You got to ask. And the good thing about the Holy Spirit is If you are not sure whether you're operating in your own power or operating with God, if you ask him, he'll tell you. He will lead you to the right scripture, to the right sermon, or the right friend. Saint Augustine said, you pray as though everything depended on God, and you work as though everything depends on you. And as you pray, God in spirit guides you. He'll tell you to throttle up, throttle down, or do whatever. My son was in the car yesterday in my yellow Bronco and he said, you know, what does neutral mean? And what does manual mean? And what does this mean? And what does that mean? And some of the ones I had an answer for, like neutral, but my car is an automatic. So I don't really know what the manual means in my car. What I do know is that I have an automatic engine that shifts on its own. I don't have to think about it, but man, oh man, do I miss stick shifts. I mean, I wanted a stick shift so bad when I got my first car and my dad was like, no, you have a You have a little kid, you don't need to be driving a stick shift. So I didn't get it. But the first chance I got to buy my own car, it's a black 4-door Honda Civic. Everybody was like, Chrystal Hurst, why do you want a stick shift? Probably because I like being in control. But anyway, I enjoyed that car so very much, and it meant that I had to always be on alert, you know, be on a hill, a little gas, a little, little brake, a little gas, a little brake. I'd always be on alert. Automatic means the engine works on my behalf. So I'm still got to be alert, but I don't have to have as much energy engaged in the pot. It doesn't cost me as much. And this is what God wants to do in your life. He's like, listen, you can do this on manual. You can do this with a stick shift. You can be fully in control and never have a break, or you can operate the way I want to operate in your life, daughter. And that's some things. If you'll just pay attention to the scenery, pay attention on your right and your left, make sure you're going the speed limit, follow the signs. I am in the engine moving things on automatic. Okay, number 3. So number 1 is you think delay is denial, and so you quit too soon. Number 2 is you're operating in your own strength. You're relying on your own willpower instead of leaning into God's power for you. And then the 3rd thing is you forget the why behind the work. There are so many things, and parenting is one of them, y'all. I, I'm like, I'm done, I'm, I'm done. I'm, I have 5 kids in. I'm trying to finish with this last one. I'm trying to stay strong. Because I'm done. I'm like, whoa, y'all have gotten 25 years of my life. Oh Jesus, I mean 30 if you include my oldest, but hardcore parenting, 25 years being home and homeschooling and the whole nine yards. But what's my why? My why is still memorizing scripture with that youngest child because I got off of the bandwagon for a little bit. Because my why is I need to invest in you the same way I invested in the others. As much as I can. And what's my why? Because I want you to be a man who can lead his family, who knows God's word. So when I want to quit, what's my why? I'm aiming for something. What are you aiming for? Because often the reason why we quit is because we forget why we were doing it in the first place. Your dreams fade when they lose meaning. And if you forget the purpose, your why, the pain, the difficulty, what makes it challenging and hard, it starts feeling pointless if you forget the purpose. Galatians 6:9 says, "Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap if we don't give up." When I ran a marathon a few years ago, and I don't plan on running one ever again, 5K, yes, half marathon, yes, but a full marathon, that training is just disastrous. But I do know that there is a thing called hitting the wall. And when you hit the wall, most runners hit that, you know, above mile 20, literally your body starts shutting down. Your mind starts playing games on you. Your muscles start twitching. And the reason why you can get to that level of difficulty and keep going is because you remember your why. I have trained for months. There is a finish line. I want to cross it. And you remember what you were running for. I want to collect the medal. I want bragging rights. I want to say that I did it. So many people, friends and family, will show up between mile 20 and mile 26 because you don't need them as much at mile 5. And at mile 9, you still got energy. But at mile 22, Mm. And I had people that showed up and they were standing at that mile marker and they cheered me on, or they ran with me for half a mile because they knew I needed support in continuing. And they talked in my ear. This is why community is so important and why sharing your dreams with people and being vulnerable about what you want to see in your life, why this is important. Because sometimes you just need other people to cheer you on and to remind you what you are doing and why you're doing it. I never forget my mother. Um, when she was sick and in the bed, the grandchildren came in to see her, and she looked at Priscilla's middle son and, uh, she said, what are you doing? And he was giving her updates, and she said, you're the reason why we work so hard. You're the reason why we prayed so hard. You're the reason why we've done what we've done. I'm proud of you. Keep going. I think about that a lot. I'm looking at my grandchildren and I'm thinking, what deposits? Who am I being and becoming that makes a deposit in them? What is your why? If you don't have a why, get your why and then put your why in front of you. I don't want you— I don't want me to get to the end of my life and feel frustrated. Because we wish we would have done what we set out to do. But if you quit because you're delayed, or if you quit because you've run out of steam, which we all do, or you quit because you simply have forgotten your purpose, those are all solvable. They're solvable. What is your why? What is my why in doing this? Because when I was in my 20s, I wrote down on a sheet of paper, I want to teach women Practically, I want to teach the Bible, but I also want to teach women how to apply that to their lives. I want to encourage women to, to keep going, because if I encourage a woman, I'm encouraging her family, her children, her friends, her community. There's an impact, there's a legacy. Titus 2:5 says, teach the women how to— yes, we need to know the Bible, but then we need to know how to do it. So how do you keep your why in front of you? That's why there's a planner. Because y'all, we get busy making breakfast, running errands, and we forget why are we doing this? That's, that's why my planner is wired the way it's wired. Y'all, every year when it was time for a new school year or I started a new school, I'd be so excited because I'd be like, this year is going to be different. I say that every time a new calendar year rolls up too. This year is my year. And this is the time where I get my planner so I can start planning for what I'm going to do in the year to come. Come, and I want you to do that too, y'all. The Full Circle Planner, they are available for pre-order, and I want you to go get yours now while you can. Choose the color and make sure that you can get yours before they run out. thesistercircle.com/planner. Because it's that time where we get to decide who we're gonna be. Come on and join me, y'all. This is why you, you set goals every year. It's not about being a goal setter and a business person necessarily. It's about know what you're trying to achieve. And have a plan for achieving it. When you are running out of power and strength— I know you're tired, Mom. I know you're sick of changing diapers, and I know marriage is hard. I know that you're tired of respecting that boss at work who doesn't reward you for your efforts, and it's difficult being in that environment. I understand. But does God have a reason for you to be there? Access God's power and don't faint. Don't faint. Don't give up. I know that you've been working at this a long time, and maybe it's taken you 10 years and you still haven't finished that degree. Finish, finish. Your delay does not meet a dead end, and if you are not dead, you can keep going. Why do we quit on our dreams? Because our mind is playing games on us. And so how do we fix that? We reset our minds, we renew our minds. And my hope is that this conversation today has done that just a little bit. Just a little bit. The Israelites were led out of Israel. God took them a longer way because he wanted to develop them. And then right before they were on the cusp of the promised land, they stayed in a spot for a long time because they lost sight of the vision. Now, the other reason that you might be struggling is because you don't have structure or systems that lean you into the result. So you got to look around and ask yourself, What support do I need to keep my why in front of me? What support do I need to lean into God's power? What support do I need to, to restart the engine if I've experienced a delay? You do not rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems. And if you don't know what the systems are that you need to accomplish your goals, do homework on that. Ask ChatGPT that. I know that for me, if I don't grocery shop on a Friday, and if I'm not meal planning and prepping over the weekend, I'm not going to eat well during the week. That's a system. And why is that a goal of mine? Because I want to live well in the body God has given me. I want to live as long as what he has for me to live, and I don't want preventable diseases to take my life or make my life harder. So if I get delayed on losing weight, I don't let that distract me from continuing. If I get tired of exercising willpower, then I actually will fast and ask God for strength and power in order to keep it going. Um, the why— I look at my grandchildren and think, I'm so glad that they've had me as a young grandparent. Grandparent, but I want them to have me as an old grandparent too. I want to live to see my great-grandchildren. These are the things you have to do in order to say, now, what is the system or the structure that will help me to do that? You want to have school, you want to finish school. What are the things that you need in your life? Maybe it's to talk to your spouse or to talk to a friend and say, I'll exchange babysitting with you because we're both trying to finish our degrees. So I will study on this weekend day and you watch my kids, and you study on that weekend day and I'll watch your kids. What are the systems that will help you if you've got your why, if you're not going to let willpower keep you from moving forward, and if you're in a delay? Set up systems or structures that will help you. Michelle and I meal prep once a month together, and I'll eat vegan once a month because I'm meal prepping with her. That's a system, that's a structure for the goal. So don't quit on what God has placed in your heart. Dream again. Your delays are not dead ends. Your willpower is not always enough, but his power is And when you focus and remember your why, you'll find the strength to endure through the how. So I would love to know right now, what is a dream that you've had that you have quit on, or maybe for temporarily even given up on? And I want to put— want to see that because I want to be able to look at your comments and pray over you as we end. And then I want you to pray this prayer: Lord, help me to start again and keep going in you. Help me not to quit. Help me to start again and keep going in you. So what are the dreams that you have that you put at the wayside, that you've given up on? And let today be the day that you decide to start it again. Lord God, I thank you for the dreams that you've given us. I thank you that even when the Israelites could not see themselves outside of slavery, you were preparing something for them, and you keep doing the same thing with your children. Help us not to quit on the dreams that you've given us. Help us to pivot if you have a dream for us that we do not have for ourselves. Help us to stop thinking that delay and interruption is denial. Help us to stop operating in our own strength, but lean into what you are doing and how you're providing and where you're moving. Help us to see where the green lights are and get on those roads instead of fighting and pushing our way through a path and a route that maybe you don't even have for us. God, help us to remember our why. Why the dreams that you've given us matter, so that we would be motivated to complete what you started in us. And to work alongside you. And help us to be disciplined about having the structure and the systems in place that will keep us on track. Lord, so much of life is just— so much of what your people want to achieve in life, we don't achieve because we're not willing to do hard things consistently over time. Would you help us to know what it is to be a disciplined people, to be willing to do hard things and to do those hard things consistently so that we can see and realize the beauty of the Promised Land. Help us to not get stuck going around and around and around with dreams that are never realized, with regrets that we have on our deathbed. Lord, help us to lean into the things that, that are a part of our gifting and our ability and our personality, our passions, our nature. Help us to lean into what you've given us so that we can make our mark on our world. Not in public, not with thousands of people, not on a public square, but just the people that are in our sphere of influence— our home, our friends, the people that we sit with on church at Sunday. Help us to impact the places in which you've had us to operate. And even if our pebble just causes a ripple effect, may that ripple go far beyond what we could ever ask or think. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Sometimes you just need somebody in your corner. If you're looking for coaching, accountability, and community with women who love God and who want to live their lives intentionally to, the inner circle is the place you need to be. Come on in the room.