Breaking the Taboo - Stress, Humor, and the Art of Healthy Conflict

Hello everyone and welcome to our 2025 LinkedIn Live. This is the first one. This is really exciting. And today, we're actually launching the series Breaking the Taboo: Stress, Humor, and the Art of Healthy Conflict. And this is— here's a funny story. We are late going live because my camera failed last minute. And Interestingly enough, I think we, all of us applied what we are preaching today. We were under stress. I mean, I was, I think the girls a little bit. I was laughing and try to kind of, you know, resolve this situation together. So I find it just, there's no coincidence. And maybe that was the story that we needed to tell you that these things happen all the time. So this is so relevant. as a subject today. And before we go on to this, of course, I would like to welcome our guests. So I'm Claire Hayek. You all know me. If you don't, I'm the founder and CEO of MSB Team Building, and I'm a certified neuroscience coach. And I'm here with Courtney Bickert, Vivian Hudson, and Jacinthe Laforde. Courtney, Vivian, and Jacinthe, I'll let you introduce yourself briefly.

Okay, I'll start. Hi, I'm Courtney Bickert. I am a social impact executive leader, having worked around the world for over 30 years. And by night, I'm a stand-up comedian. And I am an expert in bringing humor and laughter to empower teams, leaders, and organizations to reach their full potential.

Thank you so much.

Vivian?

Yeah, so I'm not near as funny. I don't have like Uh, a night job like that. That sounds super cool. But anyway, I was actually a former pharmacist turned leadership and wellbeing coach. So I work a lot with, uh, health and wellness and just thinking about stress because stress, I know, is a major impact on our health. So I now work as— I call myself like an anti-pharmacist. So helping people on the front end so they don't need those medications on the back end.

Thank you, Viviane. Jacinthe?

Yes. Hi. Well, I'm a comedian. I do comedy shows. And I'm also a Nonviolent Communication certified trainer. And I mix both to offer Art of Arguing workshops.

That's awesome.

To bring humor and laughter into talking about conflict.

I know. I love that.

I love that.

I mean, I never thought of conflict as something we can laugh about, but love that angle. And I can't wait to cover that. So Just so everybody knows, we decided to launch this series. Actually, we were just talking, the 4 of us, and decided that, you know, everything that we all do, all 4 of us, kind of relates to one another. And why not come up with a series that addresses these elements? So here we are. That's what we're here to do today. And this series will be basically— there'll be—

it's a 3-part.

And it'll be the next one in February and the other one, the last one in March. And who knows, maybe we'll extend it. I hope so.

I hope so.

I hope I can extend it.

We'll see.

But so today, you know, we're gonna talk about stress mainly, okay, and how we can transform it into resilience because it's something that, of course, everybody goes through and lives through every day. I mean, like I said, we just did before going live. But there's— it's not about getting rid of stress because stress will be there. It's all about how we could address it, how we can deal with it. And, you know, what are the best best ways to do it. So having said that, Vivian, I'd love for you to kind of guide us through a little something, maybe just so we can start this, can reset and start this, this, this life together. How about that?

Okay, sounds good. So this is something I use myself, like when you're having those busy moments and you're thinking that, oh, there's a lot going on right now. What I do, like a lot of you've probably heard about the count breathing and all the rest of it, box breathing, 1, 2, 3, 4. This you don't have to count, so it's totally brainless. So in terms of what you do, take a big deep breath in. So breathe in through your nose, and then once you've taken that full breath in, you're going to breathe out through your mouth and you purse it like you're breathing out through a straw. So what that does is it creates a naturally longer exhale, which helps to activate our parasympathetic nervous system, which is our rest and digest. So, so taking 1, 2, or 3 breaths like that is a really great way to calm yourself in the moment, whether you're dealing with the kids, dealing with a boss in a stressful meeting, opening your inbox. It's something you can do anytime. So, okay, so let's do it. One more for good measure. So you might notice when you're breathing deeply, like you might go, you might notice your shoulders going up. So try to keep your shoulders down as well. when you do it.

Thank you so much, Vivian. That was really, really good. It calmed me down for one. I think I should do it maybe 5 times. But unfortunately, we don't have time because, you know, it is what it is. Time is so precious. But here's the thing. So we're talking about stress. We're talking about being overwhelmed sometimes. And sometimes we feel there's no room to breathe. Ironically, you know, we can always find the room and we just did. But what if I told you that stress itself isn't the problem, but it's how we react to it? Basically, that's what we really want to tackle on today. So Vivian, I'm gonna throw that ball back at you. So I know you've worked extensively with people on transforming stress into strength and how we can change how we deal with it and react to it.

Yeah.

So what is your perspective on what stress does To us physically and mentally. And here's the thing, why do some people handle it better than others? What, what, please, we want to know.

Yeah, so we could talk about this for the whole thing. But anyway, we don't have that much time. So we don't say it quickly. So physiologically, I think we all can recognize increase in heart rate, You might notice the sweaty armpits. You might notice that you start to breathe more high and tight up in your chest. So there are, there's some physical symptoms. Some people get a bit of a tremor going on. Sometimes it can be like a bit of an icky feeling in your stomach. So that's like, that's at in-the-moment level, things that people can experience. And I was just writing about that. actually this morning is, uh, I actually had to take heart, um, indigestion tablets because I was stressed when I owned my business. And when I sold my business, poof, that all went away on its own. So, so we know that it has a physiological response, and over time that leads to disease. Uh, so we're always creating our own pharmacy of chemistry inside our bodies. And this speaks to the second part of your question, Claire, in terms of mindset. So it's not so much the stress, it's how we respond to it. So something I like to say is stress is a signpost. So what is it actually trying to tell you? So if you're stressing about money, okay, you can stress about money, but what are you doing about it? So it's trying to tell you something. I'm stressed about my email list, but I'm also stressed because I have 5 other things on my to-do Okay, so what, what do I need to do first? So then we prioritize, so we can bring a much calmer mindset rather than letting that overwhelm kind of spiral out of control. And then the final part of the question is like, why do some people manage it better than others? Or how many of you have jumped out of a plane? Who never wants to?

Right.

So we have different things that excite us. And also what our experience is. So, um, for some people, if they've been through a process before, lived and told the tale, the next time—

Right.

When it happens, they're not going to be as triggered by it. And then the final part of that is what else is going on for that person. So if they're not getting enough sleep, if they've just had like a baby and they're not getting enough sleep, they're not going to be at that same level. as if they'd had a nice 8-hour rest for the last 52 weeks of the year. So that in itself, so that's the credibility.

Yeah, it totally makes sense. Thanks so much, Vivian, for this. Courtney, so from your experience, let's jump to Courtney here. I know you've worked with leaders around the world and what have you seen? Like, how do you see stress impacting teams, team dynamics, leadership, and how effective it is? What's your take on this?

Yeah, thanks, Claire. And as you mentioned, it's got physiological effects, right? So your team knows when you're stressed out. They can sense it. It's the energy you're bringing. And so that's already creating like, why is she or he stressed out? What's going on? What do I not know about? So you're already creating a lot of anxiety just by stressed yourself because they can sense it. And also it affects trust in that same way. One example I had, I had a leader in Afghanistan, very high stakes, and she was very stressed. And it really affected— and she felt out of her league— how she treated her staff.

Hmm.

Very aggressive with her staff. And she was very short, wasn't absorbing information well. They were afraid to tell her things. And ultimately, this breakdown in communication and trust really did put people— not only did they not feel safe, But actually, when something really did happen, there were people weren't really safe. Luckily, no one was harmed. So it can have really serious effects and people know it. So it's important to call it out. You also asked in the notes, how can you use it for an experience of growth? One of the things about stress is people know you're stressed, so you might as well call out the elephant in the room.

Yeah.

You know, things are really stressful right now because our client is blah, blah, blah, or whatever. And then, use it for growth by saying, I need your help.

Right.

Open the opportunity for you to grow by getting their ideas and for them to grow by being part of the process of dealing with it.

Yeah.

I mean, we often talk about leaders and being transparent. I mean, to a certain extent, of course, you need to have a bit of a filter. But more vulnerable is the word. Being vulnerable and being part of the whole conversation. It really helps bring establishes that safe space and creates that trust amongst the team, especially with the leader that she or he is human. They're human and they are going through things. And we kind of feel each other here because we work together. There's a coherence. We have to be coherent as a team and we need to kind of help each other and understand what's going on in order to work around it or work with it, right? So, very relevant. Thanks so much, Courtney. And Jacinthe, last but not least. Jacinthe, I know you take a very creative approach to stress. So can you please share how creativity— actually, I'm really curious about this— how creativity and nonviolent communication can help us manage and even accept stress and embrace it in a way? Yeah.

Well, I go along with my colleagues that stress is a signal that there's something to look at. And with nonviolent communication, We really care about the quality of the connection with other people. So that's one thing, because if I make sure that our relationship is good, we're well connected, already it gets good hormones running and we will relax a little more. So that's one thing. And we work a lot with the awareness of the needs.

Mm-hmm.

So in a situation, okay, what needs are not met now that I'm feeling so stressed? And sometimes just looking at a sheet of paper with lists of the words of needs. And some words were like, beep, beep, beep, beep, like I need support or like it's integrity that's yelling at me. And it's like, oh, okay, that's what's going on. What can I take as a concrete step to make sure I meet even a little bit that need? And that gives me back power and feeling empowered is a great way to reduce stress.

Okay, great. Thank you so much, Jacinthe. I just put up a question here and we just wanna know what you think. So yes or no, simple. Does stress currently impact your workplace performance? You know, we want to hear from you. We want to feel like what's going on in your work environment and how you feel about it, how you see stress in your own workplace. And just to mention quickly here that I will be, you know, probably sharing another poll question here later. If you do have any questions, please put them in the chat and we'll be addressing that. I did ask earlier where you're joining us from. So please do put it in the chat. I'll jump to the chat in a second. I just want to continue because we, you know, we came in late for some reason because somebody's camera didn't work, you know. But here we are. We want to be able to tackle on the whole subject of stress as much as possible today before we run out of time. And so let's move on. All right. So we now understand how stress works from different perspectives here that you each brought. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Very insightful. So what about solutions? You know, it's great to recognize what it is, but what can we do? How do we take something as overwhelming as stress and reframe it into something, I guess, manageable in a way or something that we can learn from? And if I may just jump in here and say that Personally, or with people I work with sometimes that are stressed. I'm not a stress coach, anything like that. But I know a thing or two about our brain. And I believe that self-awareness is something that is extremely important. And it's not about not being stressed. Sometimes, eventually, you'll get to a point where you're able to just not go there, right? Because you've changed your lifestyle. You've changed everything. You're more really 100% self-aware, if that exists. But one thing we could do, we talked about brainwaves. So the fight or flight, if you're there and you're operating there most of your day, just take time to breathe like Vivian said. But more importantly, just recognize, just knowing that you're in beta-3 already is starting to lower your brainwave into beta-2 where you're a bit more, you know, just less stress and a bit more manageable, right?

Mm-hmm.

So I'm not gonna go into what could be done. But I mean, obviously walks and exercise and Taking just stopping for a second and going into the kitchen, grab some water or talk to somebody or just make a call, go outside, go see your pet, already helps. Little steps doesn't have to be so big. But that's my— that's what I think. I want to know what Vivian thinks. Vivian, if you want to jump in.

Yeah. So I think Courtney said it well. First of all, just call it out like we're going through change. There's a lot going on right now and just to talk about it. So it's not like I'm the only one that's feeling like this, right? So it kind of gives everybody permission to speak it out. So one thing that I think team leaders can do is to help people to understand what's in their control and what's not in their control. Because too often, like, it's like you're stuck on the interstate and there's a traffic jam, right?

Right.

What can you do, right? How many, how many people start cursing at all the drivers and going, Like getting so frustrated. But honestly, if they look at themselves, they're probably deep down frustrated with themselves because they should have left earlier.

Right.

But in the moment, right, in the moment, what can you control? And then what can you learn from it? So if it's something that's out of our control, we've got to learn how do we get to a place where we can accept it, right? Um, or What can we change in the moment? Well, nothing. OK, we're going to get through it this time. Right now, let's take a moment once that's done to reflect what have we learned from this. So I think that that's a very powerful and simple strategy any leader can take, right, with any, any aspect of challenge that might be happening inside a workplace.

Right, right. And this is so— this is great. And I find that today what happened just Perfect timing. We were kind of laughing. I know I was laughing. I'm like, you know, okay, so what's the worst gonna happen? We're just gonna be late, you know? Okay, worse than that is just that we'll cancel. I mean, I couldn't even see that happening, canceling it because of a video, you know? I probably would have gone live and made a joke about my screen being black, but we still have the conversation because we're here about content. You know, it's nice to see my face, but really it's about the content and adding value to everyone, not my face, right? So, but that's it. Just sometimes you don't think about that. And thanks, Vivian, because it puts things in perspective. You're like, okay, so what can I control? What could I do next time to avoid this kind of situation? And what can I do now? You know, kind of letting go. That's huge. That's a big one. Thanks so much again. Courtney, tell us about—

Yeah.

How we can leverage humor in this case to shift the energy of, you know, that stressful situation energy.

For sure. For instance, one, just hearing a joke, even if you don't get it, already starts to get your brain relaxed and get positive endorphins. Laughter, even better. Laughter is going to bring down our blood pressure. So it's going to give us dopamine, dopamine, reduce cortisol, all those lovely things. for us physiologically. So first thing I would say is, one, take care of our own energy. I like— somebody once said, the leader brings the energy. So whatever energy you're bringing into your room or your team leadership team meeting is the energy they're going to take on. So if you take a minute to think of something silly that happened or that made you giggle, or if you have the luxury to watch something for a few minutes that makes you laugh, there's studies that show it's going to Calm you down. It's going to take you into the meeting with an open spirit, and then you can share that. Share something funny that happened that day. Or if you spill coffee on yourself while you're coming in the room, instead of getting angry and frustrated, that's going to close them off. Laugh about it like, oh, well, this explains my moment, my morning, and they're going to take on that energy and the whole thing is going to be much more relaxed. You can also, as we were talking about, also Vivian mentioned mentioning the elephant in the room if it's a stressful situation, but you can also do that with humor. Well, I know we're all looking forward to being here today to discuss this really difficult topic. Everybody then is taken down a notch and, and open. So there's so many ways. I'll give you one of my favorite examples. Really stressful situation. 2 leaders could not agree on something. The CEO had to fly out to navigate this, like, and negotiate. They're sitting there expecting him to be furious. He's had to fly across the company to fix their problem.

Right.

He walked into the room and said, welcome to the détente. Instead of being angry. And he said, instead of a battle, we got to brainstorm. Because it wasn't at all what they were expecting. He was light about it, acknowledged there was something that had to be dealt with but in a light way. And it totally changed the energy.

That's something that we take lightly sometimes. And you said it right, Courtney. As a leader, you bring the weather. So, why not make it a fun weather that doesn't exist? But a sunny weather and warm and just light, you know, let's not bring the storm, right? So that's great, Jacinthe. So please, can you share maybe like one creative exercise that we can use or leaders can use to help their teams in a way reframe stress? Do you have anything to share with us maybe?

Yeah, actually I have 2 things I want to suggest. I think it's great to have toys.

Okay. What kind of toys?

Like you see the giraffe. I have a giraffe. I have a dinosaur on the shelf. Yeah, like Vivian has those, because it just puts some funny little silly things, uh, on site. And when something happened, people can just play with it and already it's good. And it's kind of awakening another part of themselves that is more ready to have fun.

Okay.

The second, uh, idea I will suggest, it's, um, I'm inspired by the nonviolent communication trainer Sarah Peaton, which developed the resonant language. And so the idea, like we shared about expressing ourselves, but, but, and we can express like our vulnerability and also reflect what we see in others with a fresh metaphor.

Okay.

Like, I know this idea, you feel like a dog in the bowling alley or something. Well, you create a new one like, oh guys, are you feeling like you're at the end of the bowling alley where you'll receive the ball? Like, or you're kind of suggesting something and people may say, Yeah. Or they'll say, no, it's more like I'm the waitress and there's 1,000 persons asking for a drink at the same time. And just bringing an image, it's kind of a way to receive and give empathy and laugh about it.

Okay. That's really, really great. I love that, the whole image method. I never thought about that. Thanks so much. So I put up another question here on screen. To the audience. So please do share in the chat. Have you implemented stress management strategies at work? I don't know if people actually do that. And sometimes I deal with clients. So we talk about stress management. And a lot of them are very proactive with this. But a lot that they don't. They're just more like an occasional thing that maybe they bring somebody, an expert to talk about stress or provide maybe yoga sessions or meditation sessions and stuff like that. But it's It's more kind of like a team-building thing. And it's not something that is a strategy in the long term. So, I'm curious to see what people are doing. And if you're listening to the replay, please do comment. Go back here on LinkedIn, comment. This is also streaming on our YouTube channel as well as Facebook. So, we do want to hear about it and put it in the chat. So, I gotta make a call here. We do have 2 minutes. I don't think we can get into our 3rd segment, but I think we already have a lot of— you all brought a lot of value here today. And I'm really excited to tackle on the next chapter, the next, the 2nd, you know, the first series, 2nd part of the series, which is going to be on February 5th, if I'm not mistaken. Let me just confirm this. Yes, yes, I'm right on. So it's going to be at the same time on February 5th at 11:30 I just put up here a QR code. If you're listening to this, please go to LinkedIn, our LinkedIn channel, or like I said, YouTube or Facebook and scan that code. RSVP. Would love to see you again. And what we're going to be talking about, we're going to look at— we're going to look into the role of humour in strengthening leadership and team dynamics. And basically, the second part is called humour as a leadership superpower. So, I'm excited about this.

Again, I'm blessed to have Excellent guests join me.

Thank you so much, Vivian, Jacinthe, and Courtney for joining. And I just want to leave you with maybe if you want to say you know last words, we can start with Courtney and Jacinthe and finish with Vivian. How's that?

My thing is think of something today that makes you laugh or find something. Have a laugh today. And if you have the opportunity, share that with someone, what made you giggle or what you thought was funny with your team, with your family, someone. It'll make a difference.

Thank you, Courtney. Jocelyne?

Yes. What I'll say is like when we are connected to the purpose, the why we're doing this stuff, it makes sense then and the stress really eases. So maybe just taking a second when you're stressed, like, why am I doing it? And that may ease the stress.

Thank you. Vivienne?

Yeah, so I think self-care is a huge part of how we handle stress as well. So it's like if your car needs a tune-up, right, and the engine starts to shudder a little bit, you take it to the mechanic and it starts to run smoothly again. So as Connor said in the chat, getting enough sleep, making sure that you nourish yourself properly, taking a break during the day because So many times people are eating lunch at their desk. So just some of those simple, basic self-care routines can be super helpful as well.

Yes, thank you. And I'm just going to highlight here, Alana here from Winnipeg that joined us, and she asked, how do you let go? And I love that question because it's easy to talk about it, but, you know, but Okay, where do I start, right? And thanks Vivian for answering that here. I'm just gonna highlight it. I'm just gonna read it quickly. Vivian answered, I found getting in tune with my inner critic allowed me to learn to better manage myself. It takes practice. I look at it like mental fitness. So you have to keep working at it. And if I may add to that quickly is letting go is a long-term thing. It's not ending. But Again, I bring it to self-awareness. If you are self-aware, you know, I'm very visual. It helps me to see, okay, Claire is here and there's a Claire here looking at this Claire. And just being self-aware is like, what am I saying now? Who am I being right now? How do I, you know, what am I feeling? What's going on in my body language? And not to judge, not to criticize, just to observe. And the minute that I am self-aware of what's happening, I'm able to just breathe, let go. The let go, right? Let go has many definitions. But let go of what's going on because I'm like, okay, do I like what's going on? Is this really who I am? And then, I use the snap and I say, change. Change my state. And I go ahead and I change it instantly and might go back to the one before 5 minutes later, right? If I'm not self-aware. But when I do change it, This is part of also accepting that, you know, when you're self-aware, you are able to change your state. You are in control. And you also automatically just your body relaxes and lets go. So anyway, I know Jacinthe wanted to say something else. And if people are still with us, we're still going to keep going. So go ahead.

Yeah, well, quickly, you can have a trust box. Like you take an actual box and you write trust on it. And when there's something you're going to— you write a little piece of paper what it is and you put it in the trust box. So it's like a very concrete way to remind yourself to let it go.

Oh, love it.

Love that. Love that. So, um, if there's any questions, I think we're all eager to stay. If you do have other questions, please put them in the chat, but I'm just going through it quickly now. I know there's also Gordon, um, You know, he answered here.

He—

I think it was the first or second. Was it the second poll question? He answered, yes. What is stress trying to tell you? To really understand what stress is telling us. So thanks. Thanks for being interactive with us here in the chat and sharing your thoughts. And I will share also Connor's comment here. Connor is actually from our team. Sorry, Connor, forgot to introduce you at the beginning. But, you know, everybody knows you now. You're like our superstar. Connor manages the chat and shares the links. And Connor said, yes, I find that a bit of stress is good for productivity, but too much makes me feel spread thin and unproductive. Thanks for sharing that, Connor. I will not keep this longer and I will not stretch this. I know everybody's got things to do. Thank you, Courtney.

Thank you, Vivian.

Thank you, Jacinthe, for joining me today.

Thank you.

And again, I will see you in less than a month on February 5th at 11:30. And we're going to tackle on humor as the leadership superpower. Looking forward to it and have a wonderful day, everyone. Take care.

Thank you.

Thank you. Bye.