Emotional Intelligence Isn’t Soft—It’s a Power Move. Here’s Why.

Welcome everyone. I'm really happy to be here with you today. I'm Claire Hayek and I'm the CEO and founder and CEO of MSP Team Building and a neuroscience-certified coach. I'm really happy to talk about EQ today. And we're going to be tackling on, you know, the whole myth about emotional intelligence being Soft. And I'm going to prove to you today that it's more like a power move than it being kind of looked at as a soft thing, having emotional intelligence. Now, I know a lot of you don't think that it's a soft thing. But some of you probably do. And I'm here to explain all that and link it with neuroscience. So it's going to be an interesting session to talk about this. And as you all know, I always, always like the whole session to be interactive. So So I would love for you to tell me where you're joining us today, and we'll have our Q&A later on. So please do put it in the chat. Put your question in the chat as we go. I'm gonna go visit the chat every now and again. And by starting, it would be really, really nice to know where you're joining us from today. As you all know, I'm in the Montreal area here in Quebec, and it's extremely cold today. I think it's like -27 or -30. 30 degrees Celsius. But you know what? It's beautiful and there's snow everywhere. So it is what it is. Anyway, I also wanted to let you know that we have Conor here from our team with us. Conor will be sharing things in the chat and letting us know basically some, some sharing some reports and statistics and any information that is relevant to this session. Thank you, Conor. Really nice to have you here. Thank you. So emotional intelligence is a term we hear a lot. Okay. But if we're being really, really real, it's still often misunderstood. Some think it's this fluffy, fluffy thing. You know, it's the secondary, secondary to hard skills. It's just not that much important. I know more and more nowadays we're talking about emotional intelligence and people are really scheduling and booking training sessions to talk about emotional intelligence and improve emotional intelligence. So that's the good part, right? The thing is, not only that we know that emotional intelligence is important, neuroscience actually proves it. And I'm going to show you today how EQ is your secret to your leadership. It's a secret leadership power, basically. Take that on and you're gonna be invincible. All right, so let me just go here and check in the chat what's going on. Checking on you. What's going on? What's going on? Okay, well, hey Connor, nice to see you. So as I mentioned, if you do join a little bit later, please do put it in the chat and share it with me here. to see where you're joining us from and do interact with me along. Okay. So let's get— we're gonna— I just want to talk about the science behind emotional intelligence to start with. Okay. So emotional intelligence or EQ as opposed to IQ, right, is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions both on your own, on your own emotions and actual others' emotions. Okay. So what makes this a power move? It's all about your brain. This is the fascinating part. So the amygdala, okay, it's your brain alarm system. I talk often about the amygdala. It's where the emotions actually, reactions are triggered. Okay. And somewhere in the middle, somewhere, I really wanted to share a photo, but I don't have time to upload it here. But Connor, please do remind me after this that we upload the image of— the brain with the prefrontal cortex, the hippocampus, and the amygdala. It's nice to kind of see a visual of that. So again, the amygdala is where your brain's— basically all your emotional reactions are triggered. Okay? EQ comes into play when the prefrontal cortex, which is right in the front here, steps in to regulate that response. Okay? And what we see that leaders that have high EQ, listen to this and write this down. Okay? Leaders that have high EQ have stronger neural connections between those 2 regions, which basically you've seen this before. It enables them to stay calm and make better decisions and respond thoughtfully under pressure. A lot of leaders actually what we've seen, your Type A personality, they get all emotional or they get upset or frustrated or excited and it's all good, right? But those that have that talent, specific talent to be able to regulate bad emotions or very hard reactions and stay calm under pressure, they're the ones that have these— that strong neural connection between the frontal lobe And the amygdala. Isn't that fascinating? Okay, so here's a fact for you actually. Studies show that EQ is responsible for 58% of job performance in leadership roles with high EQ that are 4 times more likely to inspire engaged teams and higher productivity. I mean, this is kind of crazy, right? So, so 58% of job performance and leadership roles with high EQ are 4 times more likely to inspire engaged teams and higher productivity. And Conor, I'm going to ask you as well to share these. I've highlighted the references and please do share them in the chat so people can read those reports if you want more information. Okay. So again, next time you hear maybe that EQ is being, you know, it's It's kind of like being soft. Remember, it's actually hardwired into how effectively you lead. And the thing is, I talk about hardwired in a way just to make a point. But our brains are neuroplastic. So, we're able to teach them and instill certain behaviors in them if we're conscious and aware. So, we are in control. of our brain, even though we think that, you know, we're born that way or we're hardwired and this is, it is what it is. This is how, you know, my family reacts. It's been in the, it's in the family. I'm just stubborn. I'm just this. So I cannot, I can't, I can't control my emotions. Well, I've gotten used to you. You can control your emotions. You can develop these strong connections between your frontal cortex and your amygdala in order to regulate your emotions and improve your EQ. So there's tools out there, and I'm not going to go into how you can do that. I'm going to do— I'm going to touch on tips and tricks a bit later here, but it can be done. It's all about being self-aware, uh, wanting, having, wanting it, you know, having that desire to be better, to improve yourself, to be a better version of yourself. And this is how you're going to be able to improve how you react, improve your reactions, or most importantly, change your patterns. Stop, recognize that you're being a certain way that you don't want to be anymore, and flip it around. Okay? So, before we move on here, I do want to ask you a question. Do you think emotional intelligence is valued enough in your organization? I'm really curious to know. I'm going to put it up here on screen. So, do you think emotional intelligence is valued enough in your organization? Simple. Yes. Or no? Okay, please do put it in the chat and I'm going to just keep going here. So, let's start talking here about applying EQ in leadership. Okay. I want to share another stat. There's so many stats on EQs, by the way, in neuroscience. It's amazing. But I want to share another stat with you. Teams led by managers with high EQ experience 22% lower turnover rates than their peers. Isn't that crazy? But why is that? It's because of psychological safety. So again, I often talk about creating that psychological safety at the workplace where people feel valued and they feel they can speak their mind. They feel that they can just trust their leader and their teammates. They're not being judged, which lowers the The stress, right? Basically, it just creates a whole different vibe at the workplace. And I think it's normal that it also helps reduce turnover rates. But to relate it to EQ is that managers that have a high EQ are able to create that psychological safety. They're able to act a certain way and be a certain way around their teammates or just be inside and out true and authentic in a way that their team feels psychologically safe. So, if you're not sure how to do that, okay, how to create that psychological safety and how to be better as a leader, how to improve your EQ, I'm going to share with you 3 actionable strategies. Okay. So empathetic listening. That's the first one. We can also call it active listening. That's actually part of being empathetic listener is to actively listen. Okay. So for instance, if an employee shares a concern, first thing, please, please do not interrupt. And I know sometimes we just want to fix things quickly. We want to be, you know, Show that we really care, and that's great. But just do not right away interrupt. Just let them talk. Okay? So avoid interrupting. That's really important. Or avoid fixing it immediately. Okay? Why? Because neuroscience actually shows that listening activates oxytocin, the trust hormone. So the more you're listening, the more you're being attentive, you're looking them in the eye, you're listening. You know, don't be weird about it, of course. But Just be there, be present, and just be yourself. You know, tap into your heart and be actually engaged and present. Listen to what they're saying and do not interrupt. And that's actually gonna trigger in them, activate the oxytocin. Isn't that wonderful? We have that power. We have that influence around people. And this is taken lightly. A lot of people are not aware how we as leaders or as people affect the environment around us. It's so underrated. I'll just give you a little example here. So if you're in a situation where you're having really very negative thoughts, you know, you're thinking, I'm so frustrated right now. This is not working. Nobody's listening. Everybody is taking me for granted. I don't know. I'm just, firing victim kind of thoughts. We all feel a certain way that, you know, victim every now and again. And we fall into those thoughts. I'm not being valued. Nobody's listening to me. Everybody's taking me for granted. All these negative emotions— sorry, negative thoughts. These thoughts actually, what do they do? They're triggering negative emotions in you. They are basically what's happening in your body. Your brain is sending signals to secrete these chemicals that are gonna fire these emotions. You know, it's gonna— the whole face is gonna be frowning, or you're gonna look like a victim, or your shoulders will be down. The whole body will react to these thoughts. And what does that do to people that are around you? It's gonna affect them a certain way. You know, they're either gonna feel sad, or they're gonna feel upset, or they're gonna feel like that's not true, or they're gonna— it's gonna trigger something in them. So I How we are being as human beings, how we are presenting ourselves, how we control our feelings or emotions, sorry, how we're controlling our emotions actually does affect how we show up and does affect how people react around us. I'm not saying that we need to pretend certain things, but we can change patterns that we're no longer happy with and that are not serving us. And this is what's important here. This is what I'm trying to say. You need to be aware of certain maybe patterns that you don't want anymore. You want to let go of. You want to be a better leader. You want to be an empathetic listener. You need to be self-aware that when somebody's talking, am I really listening to them? Am I really looking for the next solution? Am I thinking about my next meeting? Am I being present? That's being self-aware. And the minute that you're self-aware, you can correct that reaction and be present, right? And choose to be present. So, that's just one of the things that Basically empathetic listening. This is really, really effective. And unfortunately, a lot of leaders have to work at it. It's not something that is natural. And I don't want to put everybody in one boat because typically leaders are looked at as Type A personalities. And we just like, go, go, go, let's go. Okay, speed it up. Let's go. Right? But there's a lot of great empathetic listeners, leaders out there. I know that. But I'm talking to the ones that have trouble with that. I know I have. I've had a lot of trouble with that. And I try really hard to do it and apply it. And I think I'm doing a great job. Conor can— no pressure, Conor. But maybe Conor can confirm that. That maybe that I did get better with that. So anyhow, anyhow. Let's move on to the second one. Pausing and reframing. Okay, what does that mean? Before reacting to a frustrating situation, pause for 5 seconds. It's really hard sometimes to do, but the more you do it, it works. The easier it becomes. Okay, the trick is that this is actually a simple trick. It reduces emotional hijacking. That's what we call it. Allowing your prefrontal cortex to actually engage. Okay. So instead of going straight to the amygdala and reacting, okay, when you pause for 5 seconds, you're actually giving time to your prefrontal cortex to step in and make that decision. It's like the CEO making decisions. Like, am I gonna send that signal right away to the amygdala to react, or am I gonna, you know, maybe control it a little bit better? It's so simple. Pause. Pause. Take a breath. Inhale, exhale. 5 seconds. Quick. Even 2-3 seconds helps. Okay? So you're gonna have this instinct. You're gonna develop this instance to stop, to pause, and reframe the more you practice it. Okay? And the way I put it is that, you know, changing your patterns, it's all about firing and wiring certain patterns, certain neurons, right? So if you pause, reframe, and you keep pausing, reframing, and you don't react, and you keep doing that, then you're going to be firing and wiring new neurons with new behaviors. So, this becomes a natural thing next time. You don't have to do it as often and you just, you're better control of your emotions. So, the third thing is feedback with EQ. Okay? So, research by Gallup and again, I'm going to ask Connor to share these, the names of these studies. So, research has shown that 67% of employees are more engaged when they feel their strengths are recognized. Okay. So 67% of employees are more engaged when they feel that their strengths are recognized. So instead of trying to correct someone right away, try, I see your effort here. I see what you're trying to do. But let's tweak this part or let's work on this part. Right? Instead of just correcting somebody and saying, okay, you're wrong. This is not how it's done. No, no, no, no. You're way off. Okay. Let's move on here. No, no. Let me tell you what you need to do. Right? So, that's just one thing. Recognizing effort. There's so many ways you can recognize somebody's efforts or you can recognize something they did. Even if it's not perfect, you can just say, I love how you did this part. Focus on the good things that they did. And then, Move on to the, I'd like to tweak this part. I think it could be better. But this, wow, you nailed it. You really did a great job with that. It's simple. Little teeny recognitions. It doesn't have to be a trophy that you give to your employees every month or the employee of the month. I mean, that's great. But by the way, but little small recognitions on a daily basis goes a long way. Trust me. How are we doing on time? We're good. Okay. So again, these techniques aren't just theoretical. They work. They create measurable improvements in trust and performance. Okay. And it's science-based. And actually, a lot of reports and statistics show that, that really helps. So again, 3 actionable strategies to create that psychological safety, improve turnover, improve engagement at the workplace, boost trust and performance. The first one is empathetic listening. The second one, don't just react. Just pause, breathe, reframe. Okay? Give the time for the prefrontal cortex to step in instead of going straight to that amygdala and reacting. And giving, you know, recognizing your people, recognizing your peers. It doesn't have to be only your employees. It could be your peers. It could be in your family. It could be with your kids. This really helps. It really helps with how people react and how you can control, create that better environment at the workplace or at home. I mean, this is applicable in the day-to-day, right? So let's move on to the next poll question. What's your biggest challenge in applying emotional intelligence at work? Okay, I'm gonna put it up here on screen again. What's your biggest challenge in applying emotional intelligence at work? Choose one: communication, conflict resolution, feedback, or other. Okay, please do share it in the chat. I'm gonna jump here to the chat and see if anybody else has joined us. Yes, we got Randy. Hey Randy, thanks for joining us. And Connor, thank you so much for sharing those reports. Yes, Randy was— I'm assuming you were commenting on Being self-aware and and you know wanting to become that better version of ourselves, and basically I'm going to put it up here on screen. He says having the growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset. Absolutely, absolutely. And then let me just scroll down here. Yeah, another one here from Randy that I'd like to share: using meditation as a tool as a tool for this. Is gym for the mind? Yes, yes, definitely. I'm assuming you're talking about, Randy, if you're still with us, that you're talking about when, you know, just to kind of breathe, control your emotions, and be better, have a better control of the reactions in the amygdala and having the prefrontal cortex, you know, strengthen that bond between basically the frontal precortex and the amygdala, that using meditation as a tool. I'm assuming that's what you're referring to. And Nathan as well, loving how engaged you are. Thank you. So to answer your question, our question here at the poll, it's conflict resolution that you shared as far as your answer. Let me just put up that question here again. What's your biggest challenge in applying emotional intelligence at work? The challenge that Nathan shared with us is conflict resolution. It's definitely not an easy thing when we're in conflict, all the emotions and all the and everything in the body is just— the brain is firing all these chemicals. It could become a bit difficult just to be able to control our emotions and just step back and again, pause and reframe. It's not an easy thing, but nobody said that growth and being better is an easy thing. But, you know, you need to want to become better. You need to have that willpower and that intention. But it's possible. It's possible. I'll tell you one thing. I was extremely impatient before, and I think I'm much better now. I was, I was, I mean, listening was just such a hard, difficult, difficult thing to do for me as a leader. And I don't know, maybe it's getting older and wiser. Some people can say, but I think I really worked a lot on it. I worked a lot on breathing. I worked a lot on active listening because I tend to want to interrupt, get my point across. And the thing is, what I struggle with personally is that I have so much going on. I have so many creative thoughts coming in all the time. And sometimes when I'm having conversation with somebody, it's really triggering a lot of creativity. I'm mirroring the person and I'm being inspired by what they're saying. And I'm like, oh my God, and we can do this and we can do that. And it's triggering all These amazing innovative thoughts. It's just, that's how my brain works. And so, I get overwhelmed because I'm getting all these ideas, all these things coming in. And I want to interrupt because I don't want to lose these thoughts, right? I don't want to lose these ideas. I'm like, oh wait, wait, wait, let me just stop you there. I don't want to tell you this. And I've learned that that's really hard. And again, it's very difficult for me to do but I'm practicing it. Most of the time. I'm not going to say every day. Most of the time, it's a good reminder. The thing to do is to write it down. It's like I'm getting all these ideas. So you're listening, right? You just look the person in the eye. And what I try to do is write down my ideas as they're coming in. Write them down, write them down, and keep listening, keep listening. And then slowly and stuff, it's like, let me just— I want to share with you a couple of things that just came to me now. While you're sharing this with me, you know, instead of just interrupting the person, their flow of ideas or what they're trying to say. All right. Okay. So, wow, 5 minutes left. What an interesting subject. I hope you're finding this as interesting as I am. But let's move on here. Let's look at how emotional intelligence can affect your team. Okay. So again, EQ isn't just about individual leadership, right? I talk about how you react with your peers, how you talk to somebody. And it really affects team dynamics. So, here's another fact that might actually surprise you. Teams with high collective EQ outperform others by 30% on collaborative tasks. So, it's huge, right? So, 30%, you are more performant on collaborative tasks. Okay, so how can we do that? Okay, so how can leaders foster EQ? In order to encourage EQ and boost EQ in your team, okay, you need to walk the talk. Okay, so as a leader, you know, a lot say as a leader you bring the weather, right? So your behavior sets the tone. Okay, I'm sorry to tell you leaders, but you need to step up. You know, if you decided to be a leader, It's a big responsibility. You need to step up. So, your behavior will influence how they will behave. Imagine that, right? So actually, neuroscience confirms that emotions are contagious. And I taught this actually. We had our masterclass yesterday, our NeuroLeadership Masterclass and AI Productivity class. And I talked about this. I talked about mirror neurons. So neuroscience actually confirms that emotions are contagious through mirror neurons. Wow! Okay, so mirror neurons are these neurons basically that— I wish I had that photo, but I see it. It's basically, it's pretty much your brain connects to somebody else's brain. Okay, it's not literally connecting physically, but I can't explain it with words. But mirror neurons are actually neurons that fire when you're connecting with somebody. Okay, if you know what I mean, when having this conversation, you're really like connecting with somebody and you're like, you know, having this amazing conversation and everything. There's these mirror neurons that you're actually really connecting at a whole different level and you are understanding each other. Maybe you're moving a certain way, you're, you're— if the person is being, uh, is smiling, you're smiling too. That's mirroring. Okay, so these mirror neurons, we are mimicking in a way each other's Reactions, but not because we're trying to imitate what you're trying to do. It's just naturally happening. Do you understand what I mean? Like, for instance, when you're having a conversation with somebody and they're like very animated and you're being animated. Mirroring. Or if they're really sad and really making you— you're feeling sad for them and you're not, you know, you're frowning and you're sad and you're going, oh, you know, you're being empathetic. That's mirroring again. So that's you feeling the person. Okay. So, again, your behavior sets the tone and emotions are contagious. So as a leader, if you show, for instance, calm in a very stressful situation, you're going to inspire calm. But if you're stressed and freaking out because a situation, urgent situation is happening, then guess what's going to happen? The whole team is going to feel that way. Okay, so if you show calm, you inspire calm. If you show curiosity, oh my God, tell me more, you know, you're gonna inspire engagement. You know, a lot of clients ask me, how do you, how do you get people to be engaged? Inspire, inspire, you know, show them curiosity, ask questions, get them engaged. That's how you get them engaged. So it's, it's simple. It's really simple. Sometimes you want to We want to theorize all these things and read books about it, and it's good, but really it's all in your behavior. Okay, so I'm going to show the, the how— 3 things you can do to foster EQ. Okay, so first thing, like I said, model emotional intelligence. Okay, so these mirror— remember, mirror neurons. You can write these down, this down, if it helps you. Second one is normalize open dialogue. Okay, just— it should be an open— an open dialogue should be a normal thing. Okay. So again, create that space where team members feel safe to express ideas, challenges, or even failures. I know, even failures. You know, look, I really messed up. I should have done that. Yeah, that's on me. Yeah, I totally missed that. Oh God, I really didn't see this. I'm sorry. You know, as opposed to not say anything and then guess what happens? They're going to fail again. So create that safe space where people just speak openly about things, express their ideas, good or bad, it doesn't matter. And talk about their challenges. Again, that really helps foster high EQ as a team. So again, I talked about recognition. So celebrate wins and learnings. So when teams feel valued when they did something amazing for their achievements and their growth moments, or they learned something good, or they took the time to learn something amazing or educate their brain or be better at a certain task. When they feel recognized for it and valued for this effort, they're more resilient and innovative. Okay? So, in order to foster that collaborative team spirit and boost the EQ of your team, these are the 3 things that you need to do. So again, EQ isn't just about eliminating conflict. I talked to Nathan that is here that is challenged with with emotional EQ, with emotional intelligence, is conflict resolution. But it isn't just about that. EQ isn't just about conflict. It's about managing it with grace, I guess, if I want to use the word grace, with clarity and a collaborative spirit. Okay. So here's our 3rd poll. Do you believe fostering team-wide emotional intelligence could transform your workplace? Yes or no. Let me put it here on the screen. Do you believe fostering team-wide emotional intelligence could transform your workplace? Yes or no? And again, there's a bit more studies here that Conor will share in the chat. I'm going to jump to the Q&A. Thank you so much for joining. If you're listening as a replay or you are here with us now, thank you for joining. And I'm going to take a couple of questions if there's any, and I'm just gonna close it up. It's already noon, so let's go to the chat. Randy, yes, Randy, I love how you're being interactive in the chat. I really appreciate it. So is collective EQ— actually, this is a really good question— is collective EQ different than the sum of each person's EQ? Well, it's a really good mathematical question. I totally appreciate that. Me being an engineer, I love that, these kinds of questions. Think of collective EQ. Obviously, if for instance, your team members have a very low EQ, I mean, let's say there's none. Okay. At all. Okay, the EQ level is definitely going to be low. All right. However, if the leader again we're talking about leadership. If the leader has a high EQ and he could influence, affect the team members, demonstrate calm under pressure, demonstrate you know show curiosity. to boost engagement and lead in a way with a high EQ and inspire his team, he or she or they are going to influence the collective EQ of the team. So, the key is that if one team member has a high EQ, okay, and they are an influential team member, that people hover around. They're the magnetic type that everybody listens to. It will affect the collective EQ. But if the leader is not demonstrating high EQ, even if that influencer teammate does it, if the leader is not supporting it, is not boosting it, is not helping it, it's going to bring everybody down. So, I come back and say to this is not an easy question to answer. But I come back to say that It all starts with the leader. Leader brings the weather. If leader is not supporting a high EQ environment, even if you have a high EQ, what are you going to do? You know, you might be— you're still going to have your high EQ with your team members one-on-one. But you're not gonna make that big collective boost of great results due to high EQ throughout, right? I don't know if that makes sense to you at all, Nathan, if I answered your question. At all. But the leader is the main person that's going to really influence that collective EQ and encourage it, right? And that's how it's all going to develop. It kind of all feeds on each other and then it boosts everybody up. But it has to start with the leader. And then what if the leader has it and then everybody has it? Obviously, then the higher the EQ for each member, the higher collective EQ is, right? So, it's kind of just influences it. But believe it or not, one person can bring down the whole collective EQ with one word or one behavior. That's the power that you have as a leader. So, use it for good. Use it for good. Make sure that as a leader, you are being who you need to be to inspire others. You are being controlling and being aware of your emotions and how you're showing up because that's gonna affect your environment. It's It's going to affect your people. So, you have to model that behavior in order to inspire basically that same behavior around you. It's simple. All right. Thanks so much again, Nathan, for joining me and everybody else. I just want to wrap up here and let you know that we have our next LinkedIn next week. And I'm going to share with you that— let me just see, pop it up here on screen. And here we go. No, that's not it. There it is. All right. So next week, January 29th, we're going to have— we're going to talk about the metaverse of leadership. This one is really interesting. Building teams that excel anywhere. Don't we want to know more about that? I mean, I'm so excited to talk about this with you next week. This is the reality, right? It's been our reality for a while now. So let's talk metaverse leadership next week. This is the QR code. Please do RSVP and I will send you invites otherwise. And if you want to become a leader with that emotional edge, that high EQ, you can comment EI power in the comments and I will send you more information. I will reach out. So just to wrap up, emotional intelligence isn't just this buzzword, right? It's the foundation of resilient, innovative, and impactful leadership. And I hope this session was really helpful and gave you the tips you need in order to be a better leader, in order to be the best version of yourself that you want to be, right? And in order to have a better life, a better version of yourself, but influence everybody positively around you, bring the sunny, nice, weather. And, and that's it. So I'll wrap it up here. And again, looking forward to seeing you all next week on Wednesday, same time at 11:30 EST, 8:30 PM.