No One’s Coming to Fix It—Because You’re It with Sophie Lammers

Have you ever been in a moment where chaos breaks out? Everyone's just looking around, waiting for someone else to step in. That's exactly what happened to today's guest. If you can just picture this, a packed SoulCycle studio in New York City, celebrities yelling, customers furious, staff completely frozen. And one person early in her career decides to walk straight into the storm and take control. That decision changed the way she leads forever. Because real leadership doesn't wait for permission. It starts when you realize no one's coming to fix it because you are it. Welcome to the NeuroLeadership Edge, brain science for bold leaders ready to master their mind and own their voice. I'm your host, Claire Hayek, neuroleadership expert, TEDx speaker, ex-engineer, lifelong musician, and founder of Mind Soul Purpose Team Building. Welcome everyone. Today we're going to dive into the single mindset shift that separates leaders who wait from those who lead. We're also going to look at how to take personal responsibility without burning out. And we're also going to talk about the brain-based reasons stepping up, even when you're terrified, rewires confidence and calm. Well, my guest today is Sophie Lammers, Head of People at Rocket Res, and a powerhouse people leader known for building entire HR systems from scratch in high-growth startups. Sophie's also a mom of 2, a wellness enthusiast, and a believer that work should energize you, not drain you. Amen to that. Her leadership philosophy can be summed up in one sentence: own your energy, own your impact. Hi, Sophie, how are you?

Hello.

Hi, Claire.

Thank you so much for having me.

Yeah, nice to, nice to have you finally.

It's been a while.

And here we are. This is great. Really happy that you were able to join. And I mean, amen to all the things you said and the sentence, own your energy, own your impact. I mean, I'm always talking about owning and I'm talking about always owning your voice. So we're definitely on the same wavelength. So Sophie, let's go back to that SoulCycle day. I'm sure a lot of our listeners want to know that moment nobody wanted to manage the chaos. So what happened and what did you learn about yourself in that basically pressure environment?

Yeah, it's really such a flashback because it was very early on in my career and it was the first time that I was even mildly leading people, being in such a chaotic environment, being in a space where there were very high-profile clients as well, where you also have to present in a very specific way.

Right.

And so I think going back to that exact moment, I can still like very much put myself there. And I joke that in that job I had to like pair sweaty shoes and like just trying to find the zen and things that like weren't that fabulous. But in that exact moment, there were multiple times when it would be just absolute chaos and I really had to think to myself, Okay, I'm either gonna just take the moment or I'm just gonna sit back and wait for someone to assign it to me and then nothing is ever gonna happen to me. Right. And I think it comes to that old adage where it's like, no one's ever gonna come to save you. It's kind of the same thing, right? No one's gonna hand you the opportunities if you don't go for them. And I think the fear associated with a moment is always greater than what the moment actually will turn out to be. And so I think in that moment, I just thought to myself, Why not me, honestly? And like, why can't I just step into it? And so I just decided to like own it. And that just meant essentially like directing a bunch of people and telling them where to go and what to do. And people were kind of like frozen and like deer in headlights moment. And then we kind of got to this end and everything, like the class started, everyone was calm. We were like, okay, I survived that. It's all okay. And I think that that was such a pivotal moment for me of understanding like, oh, Nobody is going to come and save me. Nobody is going to be like, Sophie, this is your time. Sure, maybe some people have that and they have a mentor who really pushes them and is like, this is you, go for it, now's your time. I didn't have that, and that's okay. I think that that actually worked better for me. I'm much better learning in action than I am having other people tell me what to do. Stubbornness in disguise type of deal. But I think that that moment really pushed me to then have that feeling. Right. That again, I had to relearn a couple times again and again, because sometimes it just doesn't sink in the first time. But yeah.

What I really love here is that is the neuroscience behind that choice that you made. But when everyone else froze, your prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for decision-making and, you know, and your brain CEO, you actually stayed online. You didn't get hijacked by your amygdala, which is basically your fear center. the survival center. You, you override, you know, you overrode the brain's freeze response. And that's, that's pretty much self-leadership at the neural level. So kudos to you. So you said something powerful. If you hear about a problem more than once, it's your responsibility to fix it.

Yeah.

Was there a specific point Where that really clicked for you, like you really got it when you realized no one's coming to fix it. Was there a specific moment that this happened?

I'm trying to think of like a specific moment, but I think in general, right, when you have this, I think it happens to a lot of people, right? We kind of get caught in this cycle of letting life happen to us. And so I think that especially early on in my career and even early on in specific relationships, right, it's like, okay, you're always seeing these same problems happen over and over again. And I know I even had moments when I was at Lululemon where I struggled with a manager in the store at the time. And there were certain times when like it's so easy to just in that moment with your coworkers, whatever, like complain, really live below the line where you're just being really negative. And I think I realized because I really was not moving myself further in my career there, I kind of was like stagnant for a little bit and I was like, What is happening here? And personal responsibility is, I think, the biggest driver in my life just in general. And so I think I really took that as a moment to look and say, okay, what is causing this to happen? Because I have control over everything. Sure, there are always external factors happening to you, but how you respond to those factors and what you actually do to take action against them will always impact the outcome to those things. And so then I really took a look and was like, Sophie, you living in this state of like kind of complaining about it, not getting along with this person, not also trying to like mend a relationship or make it better, is holding yourself back whether or not they are or aren't a good leader, right? That's kind of a moot point to you taking responsibility for it. And I think that just like clicked for me of being like, wow, if I'm just gonna keep sitting in it, the same problem is not going to change. And we all have that friend who calls you a million times about same problem over and over again. And I kind of push my friends and family in the same way. I'm like, listen, I want to hear you vent one time. After one time, it's kind of up to you to either do something about it or like accept the outcome that you have to live with.

I really like the rule. I like this one-time thing and it makes sense. I mean, you know, even if we stretch it to 5 times, totally after a while you need to kind of stop and ask yourself, okay, so you can just accept that this is the loop. This is your brain's comfort loop.

Totally.

And you just want to be in it. This is your decision, but you can also change it. And what I really like about what you did is that, again, the brain's safety loop or comfort loop is certainty. But when things are uncertain, we go straight to the amygdala, the fear response. But the, the fact of the matter is, is growth, it doesn't happen in certainty.

Right.

What you did, you trained your brain to move through discomfort, to act even when you're not sure what's gonna happen, even if you're in a fear position. And, and, and, you know, in people's defense, not a lot of people are comfortable with that. And it's not personal, it's just how our brains are wired. And some of us do realize that and can move through it, that have that intention and that drive to move through it because they're more self-aware and they realize, listen, I can just sit here and, and, and, you know, complain about it, whine over it, or I can do something about it. But it is the brain's job to just stall you as long as it can because it doesn't understand That this is going to be fine even if I move through this unsafe, uncertain thing. So the best thing to do is talk to your brain and say, yeah, fine, I got this. This is— I understand you're trying to protect me, but I need you to work for me right now. Yeah.

And I think that totally. And I think the biggest thing too, that to what you're saying of it's a matter of having an awareness, right? Like your brain is just wired a specific way. We are still like very primal beings. And so like your brain and, you know, far more of the technical side. I just know that I'm like, my brain is wired to not always do what is actually better for me, right? It's going to try to just save me even in situations where I don't need to be saved, right? And so I think that it's a matter of like, I am so aware of how like my brain makes choices and then saying to myself, is that the best choice for me? Or that's just my brain making the choice. That's kind of like the easy way out because sometimes that is the easy way out. I don't always want to be taking the easy way out in multiple aspects of my life.

But I mean, I hope you realize that that's a blessing because a lot of us don't, don't realize this. And this is why I do what I do. And this is why we're having this talk. And this is why this podcast exists. And so people do realize and we can share stories, success stories where people really move through difficult times and challenges by being self-aware, but not self-aware as far as criticizing yourself and judging yourself. more taking control over your life by having your brain work for you, not against you, sabotage you. And I love that because this is, this is the perfect example, pretty much. So let me ask you this. You said leadership is about owning your energy, that how you show up on every call matters. It makes total sense. And you'll be surprised, a lot of people don't realize this. So how do you sustain that? Without draining yourself? How do you always show up? You know, I keep that up on every call.

Totally.

Even sometimes when you're feeling kind of, oh my God, I don't want to do this.

Totally.

Yeah.

And I think that it goes back again to like an awareness and a responsibility factor, right? I think especially for leaders, this is the same for individual contributors, but I feel this very, very strongly for leaders. If you are a leader within an organization, you're getting paid a certain amount of money. All of those things tie in. to how you show up, right? So it is part of your job.

Yeah.

And so I do think that, and again, I'm ahead of people, culture and everything and the vibes, right? All the fluffy stuff that people talk about, I care about more than anybody else in the organization, but everybody should care about it. And so I take the showing up very, very seriously. I know at my last company we did a lot of in-person, like, offsites, and I knew that people are expecting me to show up in a specific way because of how I show up on calls. And I take that really seriously because that's the energy that they're expecting and that's the energy that they then bring back to their own teams, to their managers, to the work that they're doing. Right. Because if people feel engaged and energized just by the people around them, they're going to give you their best work. And I think that that's the connection that people are missing. And so it is a part of the responsibility of being a leader within the organization. And again, it goes back to having an extreme awareness That how you show up matters. And so my team jokes because almost 90% of the time when I join a call, I'm always like, hello, that's just fun, right? It makes people laugh.

You're bringing the weather.

Yeah, totally.

And yeah, and that's a great, such a great point, Sophie. Honestly, I mean, our nervous system regulates, co-regulates with everyone else's. So when you are showing up, when you're showing up with that state, in that state energetically, you're leading from a calm, focused, clear mind. You're literally helping others sync with that, sync with you, which reduces the team stress, the collective stress. This is amazing. And I love that. And the thing is, we need more leaders to be aware of this.

Yeah.

We're all human and we are allowed to have a bad day. But even if you're having a bad day and you show up, even if you're feeling down, by changing your state, you know, taking a couple of breaths, inhale, exhale, just refocus for a call. You know, you're owning it. And even if you show up and say, I'm not feeling good today, I'm really feeling down. But you know what? I don't want this meeting to go sideways. I'm just going to do my best to change my state. You just gave an amazing example or showed up your way and said, I'm human, I'm vulnerable. I'm not perfect.

Totally.

But I make a choice and change it. So that would be the perfect example that any leader can bring is the ability to bounce back, even if we're not feeling good, as opposed to just let it spiral us down. You once said that you want everyone to love their job, right? At least 80% of the time.

I love the 80%.

And that 20% is just life, which we just talked about, right? Totally. So what really helps you keep perspective when the sun hits really hard?

Yeah, I think the thing that really helps me keep perspective is really figure— thinking through like, what is the point of life, right? A lot of it is just like to enjoy it and work hard and like enjoy what it is that we do. And we used to joke when I was at Lululemon that when things would get really stressful, we would basically look at each other and say, it's just stretchy pants, right? It's a matter of like having perspective of like what it is that you're doing. Listen, some people out there have very serious, like, life-saving jobs. I'm not saying that every job is not important. It absolutely is. However, should that, like, overtake you from a stress perspective? Right. And so I think it is when you have those 20% moments of realigning and saying, okay, like for me, I spend a large amount of my time in Excel spreadsheets and making PowerPoint presentations. Does that light me up inside? No, not really. And that for sure falls into my 20% bucket. The 80%, though, is me getting to engage with our team members, having those conversations, really coaching and helping them through leadership problems, right? Setting up an infrastructure, recruiting, all this stuff that's fun and engaging and around people that I love to do. And so in those moments when I'm like, oh my God, I do not want to look at this Excel spreadsheet any longer, I really think back and I really try on those days to also schedule the stuff that I do really enjoy doing so that I know that there is a balance in it. And it's a matter of like, girl, you have to just get this stuff done so that you can do the stuff that you really enjoy doing. Right. And on a small team, I'm a team of one. Right. And it's just small. It has to get done. Right. But it's important nonetheless. And so I think really framing the perspective in a way and also just filling out your calendar in a way so that like, if you know that you don't love having one-on-one meetings, which I hope people do, but I get it. Some people don't love having those meetings. Then don't schedule all of them in one day, right? Some people are doing that and I'm like, spread it out, like spread it out. Getting it all done in one day is better for them. Great. So they can spend most of their week doing the stuff that they really do enjoy doing.

I mean, you know, the keyword is balance. When you— and when you anchor your— I mean, your focus on what's working and the things that you enjoy doing.

Yeah.

I mean, basically in the brain, it resets motivation and, and you recover faster. So even if you're doing something you don't like doing, when you think of and say, okay, I know it's just momentary, I'm gonna be doing 80% of what I like, or etc., then you just get, you know, get out of these spiraling down and the drama of doing something really unpleasant. Because the thing is, you still have to do it, so might as well do it in a very zen way and not torture themselves over it because it's already hard as it is, right? Yeah. Um, actually, yeah.

And if I can, I think one more thing that I think is really important is almost like not letting yourself have an opinion about the things that you really don't like, right? Because again, to me, and you would know far more on the brain science on this, like if I have something and I'm like, I really don't want to do it. Oh my God, I don't want to do it. Yeah. Then I don't want to do it. Right. Like then I've told myself a million times that I don't want to do it. Whereas if I know I have to do this report, And she's like, okay, you're just going to do the report. And it's, I don't let myself have an opinion on it one way or the other, because then I don't have a negative thought to fill that, to make it worse than it already is for me to do it.

That totally makes sense. And, and, you know, it's just, uh, it, you're avoiding sending all the blood flow through your amygdala. You don't want to be in the world. Why would we want to be in the amygdala and the fear and the Even, even the, the rumination, the anxiety, the feeling frustrated, the shaming, the guilting.

Like, who wants to be there?

The thing is, most of us are not aware that this is happening, and we can always— we have that choice to interrupt it. But of course, it starts with self-awareness. And one thing I want to share is, is you just— if you're feeling that way, don't— first of all, don't guilt yourself. Don't beat yourself up.

Wow.

Be nice to yourself and say, look, you know, I'm having— this is not easy for me. I'm gonna try. So just get out of it by just take a pause. Just take 60 seconds. It's 1 minute. It's not that hard. 60 seconds. Take 3 breaths, pause, and just on the exhale, you can tell yourself, I can do this. This is just gonna pass. I got this.

Yeah.

And this little micro pause, basically it pulls oxygen back to your prefrontal cortex and activates just like motivation, logic, shifts your brain from, from the whole, you know, down all the way to just get it done. Let's, let's get it, get it all moving. Let's, let's act, right?

Yeah.

The little step. And the more you do the little steps, then it just keeps going. It just pushes it further as opposed to stalling. And like you said, making it more painful than it has to be. And, but, but yeah, I mean, this is, this is very, very interesting conversation. I am really glad we're talking about this. And just for our listeners, you know, Sophie is not a neuroscience expert. She— this is not what, what she's preaching. So this is coming from a real leader that does this every day. And this is why I wanted to have you. I mean, you have an amazing story and you literally practice this. We know the theory a little bit, but I think you just do it because you know it works and it's worked for you for a long time and obviously shows how successful you are. Just learn from Sophie. If you can take one or two takeaways from this, please write it down. It's not always easy. I just, I just want you to stop being hard on yourself. It's not always easy, but it's the little steps that matter. And here we are, Sophie. I mean, time is flying as usual. I always can't believe it creeps up on me, but I want to ask you 3 rapid-fire questions. Please.

All right.

Answer with whatever first thing that comes to mind. We're going to keep the answer short. And so, it's a bit more dynamic. And here's the first one. Okay. One book, one conference, or a podcast that rewired how you lead?

I'm a huge, massive podcast listener. And honestly, anything by the Diary of a CEO, I could listen to ad nauseam. And so, he does just a phenomenal job. And I think most leaders should listen to that one.

Amazing. So, let's check it out. One daily habit that keeps you grounded?

Working out. I work out every single day. I have 2 little kids, I have a busy life, and just me carving out at least 30 minutes of time for me is very, very, very important. To your point of how I show up and don't get burnt out, that is how.

Yeah, that's amazing. Uh, and last one, one sentence you'd give to your 25-year-old self.

That's always a tough one.

I know.

Okay, let's see. I think the biggest thing to my 25-year-old self is that I would tell her That you're responsible for your own outcomes and don't let fear kind of dictate the way you live your life.

Okay. Very wise.

Yeah. I love that. I love that.

For all listeners, anybody here watching us on video or listening, listening to the podcast audio, if this resonated with you, if this episode hit home, if you're ready to train your brain to lead from power, from calm instead of chaos, please scan the QR code that you see right here or check the comments for the Linktree link. Always sharing free tools, upcoming masterclasses, webinars, and ways to work together and your team in order to help you lead better and really step into your power and work on your mental fitness. You see how important this is. This is really core to leadership. And before we wrap up here, Sophie, do you want to say any last words to our listeners today?

Oh, man. First of all, thank you so much for having me and to everybody who's listening. And I just— I truly want people to love their jobs at least 80% of the time and just like know that you have control over your career. My career has gone in so many spaghetti noodle ways, and I think so much of that is me taking responsibility for what it is that I want to do. And also a little bit of luck always comes into play there. But I think like You do have control over it. And so don't just let yourself sit in what you may not want or what you don't think is guiding your life in the way that you want it to go. And you have responsibility. And also try joining a call by like Mrs. Doubtfire and just go, hello. And I promise everybody on your call will—

I love that. Hello.

I know it's true. I love that.

Thank you so much for your beautiful energy, Sophie. If you like this episode, please do Subscribe and follow the podcast. We're gonna have amazing guests like Sophie and always do solo episodes where I tackle on one brain science episode that adds value tremendously to your leadership. Or just even if you're not a leader and listening to this, this really helps, helps you show up at your full potential because we are all extraordinary and amazing and we have so much potential. We scratch the surface. So let's not stop. Let's stop scratching the surface and dive right in. So again, thank you all for joining. Lead boldly, stay human, and turn every challenge into a gift. And we'll see you next time. Thank you so much, Sophie. Bye for now.

Bye.