Quiet the Inner Critic, Boost Your Confidence.

Let's be real for one second. Okay. How many brilliant ideas? How many amazing opportunities? How many crucial conversations you had that sneaky voice in your head sabotage this year? I thought so. Well, today we're not just going to silence that inner critic, that inner judge. We're going to fire it and we're going to replace it with a world-class Coach is going to work for you. We're going to actually train your brain and give it some hacks so that it works for you and not against you. All right. So, welcome everyone to the NeuroLeadership Edge podcast, the brain science for bold leaders ready to own their voice and step into their power. I'm Claire Hayek, your host, a NeuroLeadership Coach and the founder of Mindset Soul Purpose Team Building. So here we go. Now, you might be just wondering and thinking, Claire, why should I stick around for this podcast for the next 30 minutes, for this episode? Okay, well, I get it. Everybody's busy. It's actually a great question because in that time, in actually less than 30 minutes, you're gonna walk away with a game-changing 3-step brain hack that I'm going to share with you that's going to mute pretty much self-doubt, that inner critic, in less than 60 seconds. It's a big, big promise, I know. You're going to learn how to switch that voice, that very same voice that is limiting you, the one that is telling you you're not good enough or judging you or even judging others, but we're going to focus on you. So that's the one, and we're going to turn this one and we're going to flip it into your most powerful confidence coach, if we want to call it. Okay, so here's the agenda. First, we're going to kind of talk about what is this voice, like where is it coming from, why is it even there, you know, why is it there in the first place, what's the deal. Okay, it's always good to understand, right? Second, we're gonna go through a quick, I promise, a quick tour of the brain circuits that actually are behind that whole inner critic phenomena mystery. Okay. But I'm not going to make it too brainsy and neurosciencesy. I'm going to, you know, just going to use plain English, promise. Okay. You don't need a neuroscience degree or anything like that. So the third thing we're going to do, I'm going to hand you the Critic to Coach tool. This is something you can literally try out before, pretty much after this call, after this podcast, after you listen to this and apply it before your next Zoom call today. Okay. And finally, we're going to actually give you a challenge because if you're not really practicing, nothing really changes, right? So, I'm going to give you a 5-day challenge that's designed to rewire. And hardwire this new habit into your brain. So next time you don't have to work really hard for it and you're just gonna basically become easier and easier every time. Okay, so hopefully you're all with me and you're all ready and please do put your questions in the chat if you're joining live, otherwise do comment, subscribe, follow. I want to hear from you. Even if this this is just a replay for you, okay? Now let me tell you a story. I'm going to start by telling you a story because I find that sometimes the best way to understand ourselves is through somebody else's story, through somebody else's journey, and this is how you can relate and go, oh my God, this is what I do, right? So I had. I mean, I know and knew and still know a brilliant VP client. Okay. She was on the ball, sharp, experienced. And she was preparing for this massive, massive proposal pitch. Okay. It's something that really— it was a great opportunity for her that would have really affected her career, etc. Now, here's what happened. 20 minutes before that meeting, her inner critic, her judge, that little voice whispering in her voice, just got really, really loud and yelling, literally, you do not belong in that room. Okay? So, what do you think happened? She started second-guessing everything. She rewrote her slides, started changing things. Obviously, when you do that and you've rehearsed, you're ready, and then this happens, she kind of freaked out. She thought this is the right thing to do. I don't blame her, right? But what happened is that the pitch didn't go well and she went over time. And unfortunately, she lost the deal. It's actually heartbreaking when you think about it. But here's the thing. She's Absolutely not alone. I don't know how many of you here can relate to this. And please do put a thumb up in the chat or react to this somehow if you're listening live. Otherwise, please do put it in the comment if this is a replay. There's a lot of us out there going through this. Actually, a study in the Journal of Behavioral Science proved that 70% of high achievers Yes, you know who you are. They battle imposter thoughts on a day-to-day or weekly basis. Actually, the research proven that they battle that imposter thoughts on a weekly basis. Okay, so think about this. It's not just you. It's a whole bunch of us out there. And the truth is, when this happens, we think we're broken. You know, we are not broken. Let me repeat that. You are not broken. I am not broken. A little side note, I actually wrote a song about this. It's called Unbroken. And if you scan that code, I think you'll— I mean, I'm pretty sure if you scan that code, it's all my socials, all my links. You'll get to listen to the song if you want. There's a link to my Spotify. But anyway, little side note. So Again, listen to me. You are not broken, okay? What it is, it's your brain alarm system, alert system. It's a little bit, maybe it could be a little bit off, okay? All of our, I mean, this is why we train our brain, right? We get it aligned with what we want. So it might be a bit miscalibrated. That's what's happening. It's not that you're broken, you're lost. It's It's it's a lost case. It's not. Okay, so think of it. I like analogies. Think of it like a smoke detector. You know that that smoke detector that is very annoying and that just goes off because you burnt a toast? It's annoying, right? But it's fixable. Okay, so today on on this episode, we're gonna look at that and we're gonna rewire it. We're gonna recalibrate it and. The idea is to get your brain to work for you. Okay? We're gonna get it to work for you and help you and not work against you. So this is what mental fitness is about. This is what I always talk about. Being mentally fit is making sure that you're rewiring your brain, you're training your brain, and you're being mindful enough so your brain is working for you most of the time and not sabotaging you. That's And not working against you. Okay, so moving on to the brain science section. Okay, I'm a true believer that you need to understand— when you understand what's happening in your brain, when you understand the science behind it, it kind of takes away— it takes that power away of this mystery. Oh my God, I'm like that. You know, it's biology, it's science, and it's fascinating. It's such a fascinating world inside our head, our brain, inside our skull. And I'm gonna make it as simple as possible, okay? It's not gonna be complicated. Just think the good stuff that you can actually use, okay? So when it comes to that inner critic, the judge, there's 2 key networks in your brain that are involved, okay? We call— we have the DMN, which is the default mode network. Okay, so what's the DMN? Think of it as your brain's internal narrator. Okay, your daydreaming buddy, that part of you that loves to tell stories, especially about you. Okay, it's great for creative thinking, for connecting ideas, for just letting your mind wander. Okay, so that's your default mode network, your DMN. But here's the thing. When you're under stress, this DMN can completely go off, meaning can go rogue. Okay? It starts coming up with narratives that are— well, how can I put this? Not that helpful. Okay? So here's some examples that I'm sure you have done. It's like, oh, I'm gonna totally blow this presentation. Everybody is gonna see right through me that I'm this. I'm not qualified. I'm not good enough. It's not really helpful, is it? Right? So this is when basically you're under stress. This is what happens with this DMN. The narrative goes really way off. It's not really working for you. It's working against you. So then, okay, then we have— because I talked about 2 networks— the second one is the task-positive network, the TPN. Okay, this is Think of it of the get stuff done circuit. Okay, it's focused, it's analytical, problem solve, it solves problems. So when you're in the zone, for instance, like really crushing it, you know, crushing a task, that's your TPN working. Okay, so that's the TPN again, the task positive network. You don't have to remember all this stuff, but bear with me. Okay, so here's what happens. Here's what gets interesting when pressure hits. When you're under pressure, you're under stress. When you feel that surge of anxiety, well, your amygdala, which I often talk about, it's the tiny almond-shaped alarm bell in your brain. It floods your system with cortisol. And what does cortisol do? As you can imagine, it basically gives the DMN not a microphone, a megaphone. Okay. So instead of focusing on the task at hand, your DMN starts screaming those unhelpful stories. I'll blow this. I'm not good enough. What was I thinking? Thinking, etc., etc., etc. And here's this, this, the, the, the, the solution, the secret sauce, I guess. The, the brain hack that you need at this point is label and shift attention. So when you consciously label what's happening— I'm noticing, for instance, my inner critic right now, you know, my judge is yelling at me— you actually, the minute you name it, literally, okay, you wake up your ACC, your anterior cingulate cortex. So think of the ACC as your brain's traffic cop. Okay, it steps in and kind of redirects the traffic and suddenly your PFC, your prefrontal cortex, is back online. That's the CEO, your executive decision maker, your rational boss. It's back online and regains control. It's just by labeling and by identifying. Okay, so let me recap. When you name the critic, you name the judge. When you acknowledge its It's basically, it's there. Okay, so hey, I know this is the judge, but you know, this is the critic. This is my self-critic. The important part is not to judge your judge. It's not to judge your self-critic and go, oh my God, it's my self-critic. And that's, that doesn't help at all. So what you want to do is just say, okay, this is, I hear my judge talking, my critic talking right now. That's it. Without judgment. When you do that, you literally lower its volume. So you think of it, you're taking up to— you're taking it down about 20%, right? And that's in seconds. It's like, think of it as you have music playing out loud and you're turning it down. Or actually, it's more like noise. It's not music, it's noise. And you're turning down that noise, noisy radio, okay? If people still listen to those. So You don't have to fight it. Remember, no judgment. You just have to notice it and label it. Isn't it cool? Isn't it easy? I mean, think about it. So this is the moment you've been all waiting for. This is the actionable tool that you can use today to basically transform that nagging inner critic into your most powerful ally. You want your brain to work for you, not against you. So, I call it the Critic to Coach tool. Critic to Coach tool. It's simple and it's very effective. And it's a 3-step process. I love 3-step processes. It's actually very good for your brain. The brain loves 3s, things in 3s. Okay. So, the 3 steps are catch, reframe, And coach. Okay? Catch, reframe, and coach. And I'm gonna elaborate a little bit more on this. Give me a second here. I'm just gonna dive right in. So, if you're driving, you might want to pause and take some notes here. You know, let's not get into an accident. Or just rewind back to this part and take notes. This is— write this down. This is really going to help you. I promise. Okay, so again, catch, reframe, coach. So what is this thing? It's simple. It's all about awareness. Basically, the moment you feel that familiar voice or rush of self-doubt, that whisper that says you're not good enough, that is urging— basically is telling you shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink, shrink. What you do is catch it. Again, remember, we're not judging it. So don't judge it. Don't fight it. Just notice it. Okay, it's there. I can hear it. And so basically, at this point, what's very important to do is to say out loud, or even if let's say you're in a meeting, you can't really yell it out, say it out loud, but you can kind of whisper it to yourself. It's also as good as saying it out loud. This is my judge. This is my critic. I'm noticing the not enough voice, my critic voice. You can also name it and call it something. The monster is back or something like that. Just label it, okay? Whatever works for you. Or you can call it the perfectionist voice, the imposter voice, the self-doubt voice. Again, your call. Okay, just, I'm noticing, I see, here it is, hello. You can even say hello to it. Okay, the fact that, you know, you tag it, what that does, it activates the language centers in your brain and that immediately starts— basically think of it as downgrading that limbic noise in your head. So that emotional reactive chatter. It basically takes its own power. It takes the power away from it when you just say, hey, I know, I see you, I hear you. Okay, so it's basically— think of it somebody hiding and then you shine a spotlight at them. It's like, hey, I know you're hiding, I know you're there, I can see you. So that takes away from their power. Okay, so that's the catch. Catch it. Okay, the second thing is reframe. It's the reframe question. So Now that we've caught it, it's time to shift the perspective. So, this is where empathy comes in. Ask yourself this powerful question. Again, write this down. What would I tell my best friend if they were in this exact situation? What would I tell my best friend if they were in this exact situation? Think about it. You wouldn't tell your best friend, oh, they're not good enough. You know, you should shrink. Who do you think you are? You wouldn't do that, would you? You'd offer encouragement, perspective, kindness. That basically sympathy— sorry, empathy shift. What's happening in your brain, it lights up your TPJ, your temporoparietal junction. It's the part of your brain that Proven to literally soften self-criticism. That's all you need to know. The TPJ, basically its job is to soften self-criticism. So when you lead with empathy, you basically, you're lighting up your TPJ. And what that does, it changes the chemistry in your brain. And so what's important here is To just try it. Actually, I don't know if if if you're with me here. Okay, I just want to invite you to take like a second or two right now and whisper your answer to that question. Okay, what would you tell your best friend? Three seconds. Okay, and pause if you're not. You know, you didn't formulate your your. Your question, your answer to that question. Okay. So what would you tell your best friend? That's the second step. Okay. This is basically, like I said, the reframe question. Okay. Now, the third option— okay, not option, the third step is the coach statement. It's time to take action. Okay. So this is where you flip the script and become your own coach. So, you deliver like a forward-moving mini command to yourself. Something simple, direct, and empowering. For instance, send that proposal. You can revise it after feedback. Or speak up in the meeting. Your voice matters. Your perspective matters. Or take that first step. Progress, not perfection. So, saying it again, saying it out loud, even if you're just whispering it, it basically engages your motor and auditory feedback loops. So you're literally wiring a new pathway in your brain faster than you think. You're telling your brain, this is what we're doing now. You're taking control. Okay? So I'm checking the time here. I think we're good. So I'm going to give you a moment. If you're listening to this podcast right now, I want you to actually pause it. Okay? Take a real-life scenario where your inner judge, your inner critic might show up today, anticipate. Okay? Maybe before having a difficult conversation. Maybe before a presentation. Even just getting on and tackling that endless probably to-do list. Okay? Now, again, try those 3 lines. Catch and label. Oh, my judge is here. I can hear it. I see it. I'm anticipating it. Okay, I see you. Reframe the question. Okay, what would I tell my best friend? Empathy. Okay, and the coach statement. Simple. It's the time to take action. You know, how can I take action and not be paralyzed by this? How can my— this is what the brain working for you. You know, if it's saying, oh, you're not gonna fail, you're not gonna have time to, you know, you have to rewrite this proposal, etc., you stop. You get yourself encouraged, empathy, etc. by thinking what you would tell your best friend. But you tell it to yourself. And then maybe you tell yourself, we're flipping it. We're flipping the script. Where the coach statement would be, send the proposal. Don't worry about it. It's fine. You did a great job. You can revise it after feedback. This is just again an example. Okay? And so take a just just just take an example today and try to try to apply this again. Three lines: catch and label, reframe question, and the coach statement. Okay? And what I want to do is I want you to realize when you do this that I personally, when I when I practice this and when my clients practice this, what they often share is that they felt like this mental exhale. My God, that pressure, you know, just kind of is off, right? So what that is, is that your critic is losing power. That's your brain. It's incredible. And it's starting to work for you, not against you. It's very, very, very powerful. So now that you know what to do, now you understand how this works and why this is happening and what's happening in your brain while it's happening. I want you to practice. I want you to use this tool. So the idea is, you know, you learn, you're learning something today. You just learned something, a great, great powerful tool. But if you want it to stick, you need to practice it. Okay? Basically, you want to turn this into a consistent habit. So it's all about reinforcing it daily, practicing it. And it's super simple. It's It's really effective, and it's a great strategy. So I'm going to give you a way to do it. Okay, way to reinforce this. You can set a 9 a.m. phone reminder alarm, or whatever time you choose. And basically, it's the moment just like when that alarm rings, you're gonna label it something like you know. Critic to coach, coach to critic. You know, we're just basically flipping the script. Okay? Or voice check-in or mindfulness moment. Whatever you want that reminder to say that will trigger the response. Go, oh, okay, right. I need to pay attention here. Right? So, whatever works for you. And I just want you to take that 30 seconds. So, when that alarm goes off, Take just 30 seconds just to scan your thoughts. What's happening in my head? What's going in there? What's going on there? Is the judge here? Is the critic trying to sneak a word or two? It's telling me— what is it telling me? Then, if it's not great, I mean, it's not awesome. But if it is, this is your cue. So, right away, run through these 3 steps that I shared with you. Again, catch and label, reframe question, and coach statement. Okay, then you've done it. That's it. 60 seconds. Actually could take like 30 seconds. It might take a minute. Okay, but know that deep down inside what you just did is you rewired your brain and you rewired it to work for you, not against you. Rewired it for confidence. So my advice is for you to— I'm gonna put this on the screen right here so you know you can read it off the screen. So Make sure that you do this five mornings in a row. Okay, just five. And I promise, after those five mornings or five days, your brain will start catching that critic without even thinking about it. You're gonna know. You're gonna be like, oh, the judge! Oh, the judge! Again, do not judge the critic. Just flag it. So the way that works is that it's like your brain is building a new muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. So the more you practice this, the stronger that that neural pathways will be. The fire the wire together. You are basically reinforcing a new pattern that is working for you, not against you. So you're going to find yourself naturally just intercepting those negative thoughts before they sometimes even before they even have a chance to to take to develop. Right? This is amazing, amazing. But it's all about practice, and it. Doesn't have to take an hour, right? 30 seconds to 60 seconds. That's it. All right. So here's the challenge. It's on screen. Okay. For those basically of you that are truly ready to step up, own your voice, and step into your power, this challenge will be amazing. So again, for the next 5 days, do this. Okay? Write down one critic line you catch, that negative thought, that self-doubt, whatever it is. And then next to it, write the coach line you replace it with. Okay? Simple. Write down that negative thought and switch it to the coach line. From critic to coach, right? So, it could be something you can write on your phone or you can put it in your journal. Whatever works for you. So, and here's the fun part. I would love for you to post your critic line and your powerful coach line. This will be so helpful for everyone. Use a hashtag, for instance, #VoiceCoachChallenge. That would be awesome if you can do that. And make sure you tag me. And the reason why I ask for you to tag me, because celebrating wins is important. I want to cheer you on. And this will help me help you and it will help You helping others, so it's just all great for this whole beautiful community we have here. So let's celebrate those wins, and please do share your insights. It's very important. This is how we reinforce it and encourage ourselves with that self-recognition as well. So I don't know about you, but are you ready for your brain to work for you? I mean. Are you ready to truly rewire and reframe that voice in your head and understand how it could work for you and strategically position it to promote the good voice that is cheering you on, the one that serves you at your highest potential? I surely hope that you are ready. And if you're serious about transforming that inner dialogue, that inner critic, and amplifying your impact. I really truly invite you to scan the link up here and basically connect with me and reach out, whether on LinkedIn, social media. Just write me a DM. And I would love to book a mapping, a voice mapping session with you. Okay. So, the link is like, as always, it's up there. So, do scan it and reach out. This is a very powerful step towards just really owning your voice and stepping into your power as a professional, as a leader, and stepping into your full potential, period. All right. And before I let you go, I would love for you to hit that follow or subscribe button. So, you are always basically informed of what's coming up. On this podcast. And, you know, I'm, as you already know, I have guest leaders coming up. We actually have one next week and I'll be putting up the events soon. And just giving you a little teaser here, the upcoming solo episode is another really great one. It's gonna— I'm gonna be talking about how we can stop literally the stress spiral in less than 2 minutes. Trust me, you won't want to miss it. Okay, so remember this. I always say this: lead boldly, stay human, and let your voice resonate everywhere. Make every challenge you face that, you know, working for you. Find that gift. Make it your opportunity to grow. Life happens for you. Make it your opportunity not only to grow to learn. Okay, so thank you so much for joining me today. It's been an absolute privilege as always, and I will see you at the next episode. Take care.