The One Blind Spot That’s Holding Leaders Back with Gabriela Embon

Most leaders think their biggest challenge is time, talent, or strategy. But the truth is what's holding them back isn't tactical at all. It's something deeper, invisible, and wired right into the brain. Today, we're unpacking the blind spot that separates high performance from real fulfillment. And we're doing it with someone who's lifted on both sides of the equation. Welcome to the NeuroLeadership Edge, brain science for bold leaders ready to master their mind, their brain, and own their voice. I'm your host, Claire Hayek, NeuroLeadership expert, ex-engineer, TEDx speaker, lifelong musician, and founder of Mind Soul Purpose team building. What you'll learn today, you're gonna basically— we're gonna unpack the blind spot even high-performing leaders miss, how your relationships and your brain directly impact your leadership. Whoever thought about that, right? And what it really takes to integrate success and connection without burning out. Today I'm joined by Gabriella Embon, a former chemical engineer. Turned life and relationship coach. She's an author and founder of The Coaching Academy. After years at Intel and a high-performance corporate career, she realized that true success isn't just what you build at work, it's what you build at home. She now helps high achievers design careers that feel aligned and relationships that feel alive. And she does that using her Power Couple Method, and life engineering framework to help people basically stop choosing between success and connection and start creating both. Gabriella, welcome to the show. Welcome to the NeuroLeadership Edge. I'm really excited to have you.

Thank you, Claire, for having me. Excited to be here.

Of course. I mean, I've been waiting for this one. So you and I obviously share this funny background. I call it funny because it's quite interesting. We are both engineers who ended up teaching people how to lead, not how to calculate, oddly enough. So let's start by you walking me through that pivot. What woke you up to the fact that success in logic wasn't enough?

You could call it midlife crisis. You could call it when— that's not a very sexy word. You could call it a graduation. I prefer to call it a graduation, but what are we graduating from? Let's be very clear. In our 20s, we are really wired to prove that we are smart enough to get through some form of education. And then after that comes the second motivator, which is to prove that we can be successful. We can provide for ourselves and be self-sustaining, impactful human beings in today's society. And usually we're after achievement, but once you accomplish that achievement, you might find yourself— not everybody, but you might find yourself in a place where you say, how come I follow the formula, I accomplish what I thought I need to, to be happy, but I'm not? And that's when I realized that I have gone after achievement but not necessarily fulfillment. So in simple words, I had this sense of dissatisfaction from life or emptiness because yes, I had accomplished, but I was not in alignment with what makes me happy. And I'm not a person, if there's something I can say about myself with conviction, I'm not a person that compromises on lack of happiness. Or you— frustration.

That's very good.

Yeah, I have very low tolerance to frustration that is real. Not frustration because we couldn't go to the restaurant we, we decided to go. I'm not talking about that frustration when you know you're not in the right place or with the right person. And I knew I wasn't in the right place, but I think you have to get there to realize that. And that happens to many leaders. Right. They climb their own ladder, but only when you get to the top of that ladder, you realize this was the wrong one.

This is really interesting. This is, I think a lot of listeners and people watching us right now can relate to this. I think a lot of us, I mean, you said it, you know, midlife crisis, and in a way we can call it that. We can, whatever you want to call it, but it's more common than not. But so what's going on? So we're connected, probably we're successful professionally but disconnected personally. And I think that's, in my opinion, and I think that's what you're saying, is that we're so disconnected with what we want and our passions, what we want in our life. But what's actually going on beneath all that? What's happening? So we're successful, but we're unhappy. What's Let's unpack this a bit more.

So my judgment saboteur, right, kicks in and goes, what's wrong with you? You have every reason to be happy. You have a good job. You, you have a good lifestyle. You have a happy marriage. You have the family. What's wrong with you? And then it says the following. You want to hear this? It says, you are doomed for dissatisfaction. You are never satisfied. So it went from judgment into self-blame. That's what my inner saboteur was telling me. I was lucky to start questioning and get really curious about what's going on within myself to have my sage brain say, it's not your doing for dissatisfaction. You're just not in alignment, and explore that concept of alignment.

I like the alignment keyword. Let's unpack this further. So how do we align? How do I know you have a trademarked, actually, method, the Power Couple Method? And you talk a lot about sabotaging yourself and passion and being disconnected and how to get aligned. Tell me how— explain to me your work. Explain to me how you help high achievers, how you help Leaders, you know, your clients, um, deal with all this?

Yes. So I'll give you a little bit of context. I, I believe that we should not compromise on 2 key elements of our adult life. One is our career and what we do for a living and how we make money in the way we serve our impact. And the other one is our primary relationship. a romantic relationship. Okay, so the process of not compromising and clarifying and course correcting, clarifying and course correcting— if we think from an engineering perspective, is measure what you're creating, get feedback, and then adjust accordingly, course correct. So it's a constant process of clarifying what I want and course correct that gets me every time more in alignment to what actually feels Yes, this is right. So I had to clarify to myself, what is that I love to do? What is— what are my passions? What's my genius zone? And what do I want to do when I'm not trying to prove that I'm successful or smart or achieve to prove something, but when my soul says, this is what brings me joy, right? Well, for the first step was to clarify that to myself and to give myself permission to do that and to believe that it's possible for me to make money doing what I love to do. Because we had that limiting belief that work is hard and you have to sacrifice for it. So it was a shift in mindset and then the process of clarifying where's the intersection between my genius zone or unique ability, my passions, and what has meaning for me. Because I can tell you that when I work as an engineer, I trained besides doing process engineering in the lithography department. I was also responsible for training technicians and I was very good at that, often praised for that. And I love doing that. It gave me the most amount of reward. It didn't feel like work at all. So I could recognize that my genius is in teaching. In fact, when I was 15, I had my first business, which was a tutoring business. I had 11 students. But I was teaching the wrong thing in the sense that whatever I was teaching when I was an engineer was not what I'm passionate about.

Right.

Was not what I believe in. I didn't start with my why. Simon is laughing behind our back. Simon Sinek. So I had to clarify all that, go through that soul-searching process, and then give myself permission to start, to do a pilot, to start.

Starting course correct.

It's a very dynamic process, but one thing I know is that the clarity is in the doing. So the moment I clarified that this is what I want to do, it was a question of, okay, how do I start? Where do I train as a coach? And then clarifying my niche and clarifying where is my sweet spot? What's my genius zone? What's the next level of my creative process? It's a very dynamic process. that once you have the intention to align, then you're going to get plenty of contrast to see what is really your sweet spot and what is not.

So what is the first step as a leader that is thriving professionally but disconnected personally? What would be the first step in your opinion? Where does— somebody's listening right now and going, oh my God, that's totally me. I feel disconnected. I love what I do. But not— I'm not that passionate about it. I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. I'm ready for a change. How do we make that shift? Where do we start?

The first step is clarify what is that you want.

Okay.

And that means working with either doing it yourself or working with a profession that helps you go through that search. And I'm not, I'm not a big fan of, okay, what are your strengths and weaknesses? This is not about it. Well, cliché, you know.

Yeah, you're done. Definitely.

Because we're looking for fulfillment is at the soul level. It's a soul learning. It's a soul searching process. It's not about your strengths and weaknesses. Um, so working with somebody who can help you clarify those 3 components: passion, meaning, and unique ability, and how you translate that into an ideal career. Okay, passion, meaning, And you, you need unique ability.

Yes.

Your genius zone. What is that sweet spot? So once you clarify that and you can say, okay, it feels like this is what I would love to do, let's put it to the test. Let's do a pilot. Big on pilots. So first is the clarity of what you want. You need to take some time to clarify because clarity is a very strong force. And then don't marry that clarity. Put it to the test. Do a pilot. Take a short course, test it, shadow somebody. And also, for the most part, it's not about transitioning overnight. There's a— you have to take your— you have to choose with your heart, but you have to take your brain with you.

Right.

So once you get clear about the what, first get clear about the what. Now engage with your brain and say, okay, how do I do that? What's the right and the most convenient way for my circumstances? Because I might be responsible for my family. What's the best course of action to transition and start building an alternative? What happens many times as, as we start building that alternative, we start enjoying what we're doing more.

Interesting. There is a side effect. How do you explain that?

Um, because we not, we, we know it's not going to be forever, so we don't feel trapped, but we also become grateful for whatever I'm doing right now because it's allowing me to transition. It's giving me the financial security that I need until I am fully in the second phase. So it becomes an asset, not a liability anymore.

I guess also, if we, if we zoom in on the brain, when you're doing that, you're doing something you're passionate about that you really love, you're sending dopamine, you know, in your brain. And, and obviously the dopamine, the feel-good kind of, you know, satisfied hormone. And so now we're— it's— that's helping the motivation in a way, right?

That's right.

Dopamine is motivation. So it motivates you to keep going, yet you are taking, taking out the stress of what's happening in that boring side of things that you don't want to do anymore because you don't feel, like you said, trapped. So you feel a bit more safe. Now you have 2 things going on. You have the safety, so you're not in survival mode, you know, financial maybe safety, as you build this amazing thing that you're passionate about. That's great.

So that's one side. I think it's so important that we don't compromise and also to also believe, but truly believe that it's never too late, whether you're transitioning at the age of 50, 60, it's never too late to realign with your career. Right. And some careers actually, the more mature you are, the better. For example, in coaching, right? It comes with age too. It gives you extra credibility. So it's never too late for you to look at what's the next stage of fulfillment for you and impact and the way you're here to serve next. So that's one thing. The other thing that I believe is we shouldn't compromise on our relationship, but I don't mean you need to ditch your relationship. What I mean by that is that you, you need to invest in it. You need to give it priority and commit to make it richer and better with time. And just show up, same as you show up in your career and you do career development. Relationships also need development, and they need you to show up even on days you don't feel like it. That's the whole concept of commitment. And course correct and repair. Be fully in.

That's it, right? I mean, it's, it's all about that commitment. And I think that's a great keyword. Again, another one. But what about this whole myth? Tell me a little bit about the myth of work-life balance. So what, what do you mean when you say balance is a trap?

Because balance, um, lives in the world of duality. It means I have to juggle 2 things and compromise one for the other. And we have, you know, we have different myths of balance, like balance between myself and my children, you know, spouse and family, family and career. And the reason that I, I, I believe it's a myth is because somebody's gonna— is gonna lose, right? Rather than seeking balance, we are seeking integration. And integration is when you actually see all parts of your life as not as competing forces, but different parts of one mission. So you might be— so here's how it works in practical terms. It's about implementing the right rituals that Guarantee that you stay connected with your spouse. So here's how it will look like. You had a long day at work, it needed your attention, and you came home at 10 PM. Okay, and you come home at 10 PM, you have 2 options. You can just grab a beer, a glass of wine, say, I don't want to see anybody, I don't want to talk to anybody. and shut down your spouse, or you can come home and tell your spouse, come sit next to me, I'll tell you what happened today.

Right.

Now your spouse became part of your life. Now they might either hold space for you, listen to you, or even offer some insight. You're integrating your spouse so work doesn't become an alibi. That's how you say Yeah. It doesn't become an alibi, right, that you, you, you use. It's actually you integrate it in your together life. So your success is my success, and I want to be part of that. You see, this is what we all want. We want to feel that we belong. But by separating the two, we actually create disconnection. But if you came home and you share with me your day or you take some time to unwind, and then we sit and we just spend some quality time together, then you won't feel like you have to balance and some one part is being compromised. Um, it's also about— and that's— it's about rituals. It's about the small rituals that we do. We don't create a bond of trust by doing grandiose Things.

Yep.

We do it in the small things.

The little things. Yeah.

Little things. In the little things that make the other one feel part of your life, seen, heard. So am I, am I giving you a kiss in the morning and a hug before I rush? I might need to rush early, but am I giving you a kiss? Am I making you a tea when I made myself a tea? Am I saying no matter what, we have a weekly date where we date each other again. So it is in those connection rituals that we feel we can create more because we fuel each other. We become each other's source of strength and not stress. But if we are creating disconnection, we're going to become each other's source of stress because somebody's going to be frustrated. And then we show up at the world fragmented, not whole.

I listened to you talk about this and integration. And it's not basically 2 separate systems. It's one system. And I often talk about the heart-brain coherence. And this is literally heart, brain, body working together. So if you show up as your whole self in your heart, in your body, in your brain, in front of your spouse or partner or whoever, then you're not separating this side of you. And this is really when you're aligned. And I'm using your keywords here. I love that. Your people love you and they're interested in learning what's happening, maybe about your struggles, your stress, etc. Just take a minute. Take 60 seconds. Breathe. You know, take a deep breath and focus on your heart. Focus on your heart. Realign your heart with your brain. And you do it literally by just placing your hand on your heart and breathing through your heart. Inhale 4 seconds. Exhale 6 seconds. Do that for 60 seconds, for a minute. And feel the gratitude in your heart that you know I'm alive. I have a meal today. I had water. I have a bed I can go to. I have people in my life that love me. Whatever it is, it doesn't have to be a big thing. And that that activates basically the vagus nerve, which calms the stress response and brings you back to your prefrontal cortex. And so you're thinking clearer. You're more open. And it's actually something that I teach in my master class, and I'll talk about it a bit later. You have a QR code here. You can you can scan it until you know somebody. You can continue with the podcast if you want to learn more.

Scan it.

There's definitely more information on this. It's that simple. But the thing that, that really is important, Gabriella, I'm so grateful for people like you out there doing this. And this is the reason why I do it as well. We need help. We all need help. Even when you're teaching this, sometimes, you know, you need kind of a coach to read your label. We can't read our own labels. So you can, you can apply what you teach. You can apply your, your wisdom to yourself. But it really helps to have these tools, these practical tools, in order to get out of our stress zone and into our heart, into that coherence and that alignment.

Absolutely.

And for anyone listening who's realizing this might be their blind spot, that, you know, they're probably taking this for granted and they're maybe not that aligned and they're shutting people their loved ones, their kids, maybe even as well. So what is the first step to shifting it? Maybe the smallest little step that they can do besides maybe hiring a coach or seeking help that they can do right after this episode. I really love those kind of like, I can do this right now. So that I feel that that gives hope and you're like, wow, I'm in control. I can actually change my habit. And try this. And then that gives you enough motivation to maybe seek help and actually take it seriously because you see the results right away. So what do you— what would you say?

I'm going to give a few alternatives because I think when it comes to relationships, people are in, in so in different places. For those of you who feel comfortable, the biggest step is greet your spouse in the morning. Start your day with a hug and a kiss. If you wake up at the same time, cuddle in bed. If not, whenever you wake up and you meet your spouse, give each other a hug or a kiss. So that's— if you start your day that way, you're going to see what it does to your nervous system, to your vagus nerve. It's absolutely incredible. And that physical connection creates emotional connection. So that's number one. Number— another ritual that people can do is Make sure that if somebody leaves home first, if one of the spouses leaves first, go to the door and say, have a good day, and give them a kiss. And then whoever comes home first, greet the other person when they come home.

I love that.

This makes you feel— and I do that with my children too, right? This makes you feel wanted, welcomed, that you have a home. I think this is the— it's all about creating a home, not just having a house. Creating. So say goodbye, have a good day, and say hello. We have a ritual. I say goodbye to my children in the morning with my dog, with my golden. We have to go to the door no matter how cold it is, and the dog is going to stay there until they leave, and then she turns and comes back in.

Wow.

So it's a ritual. Rituals give meaning to our relationships. And if you want to take this one step further, Have a conversation with your spouse and don't be afraid to ask the most powerful question, because realize you might not be the root cause. And ask, are you happy?

Hmm.

People ask always, are you happy? I want to say, is your spouse happy? So ask your spouse, are you happy? And if your spouse says no, Or I'm not sure. Please realize you might not be the cause. It's probably not. Ask, what do you need to be happy? How can I love you better? What can I do for you?

How can I help? Why not?

Yeah. So start with communicating. I love the 3 C's. Communication leads to collaboration, which leads to coordination, that leads to coordination. to collaboration. So communication, coordination, collaboration. But it all starts with the communication, with the deeper questions. Not how do you feel, what are you thinking, are you happy?

Yeah.

I don't see a person that will ignore that question. Like, if you feel disconnected from your spouse, ask, are you happy? I want to know. I want to— I want to be in— want to get a glimpse into your world.

Thank you so much, Gabriella. That's, uh, these are gold nuggets. I hope you, our listeners, are writing this down. This is really simple stuff and anybody could do it, you know, without any excuse. It's just simple. All it takes is courage sometimes because maybe sometimes we're not used to it. But the way we rewire our brain is through emotion and combined with repetition. So this is what creates connection and strengthens those neural pathways for empathy, for love, for resilience. And these are core leadership skills, by the way. This— what you're fostering and building at home is going to reciprocate also at work. I'm loving this conversation, but we're running out of time. I definitely want to go through our rapid-fire questions. Are you ready? I have 3 questions for you, short answers. And, uh, on your go. You're good?

Yeah.

All right. One lesson about leadership you wish every high performer understood?

Your personal relationship doesn't compete with your career. It fuels your career.

Love it. Second one, one daily ritual you never skip?

Giving my husband a hug and a kiss in the morning.

Yay. I love that. Last one, a book, a podcast, or a conference that rewired how you lead or, or Or one of those that you love, simply love, that you would recommend to our listeners?

I love the book. I, I bought 2 of these, uh, The Surrender Experiment from Michael Singer.

Oh, nice, nice. So take note of this. Again, these are gold nuggets. Thanks so much, Gabriella. If this episode hit home, join the Mental Fitness Masterclass for brain-based tools to get you to think more clear, step into your power, And for real connection and coherence between the brain, the heart, and the gut and your body, basically. You can see there's this QR code. You can scan it if you want more information. Please do reach out. It's pretty much detailed on the landing page. I would love for you to subscribe and follow this podcast if this episode helped you at all. And also do share. You know, a lot of us sometimes, if this served you and helped you, please do share with somebody that you know and love and care for that needs to hear this, because this is why we do what we do. And I'm talking about you and me, Gabriella. I know that just sharing that ripple effect is what we are going for. We're going for that impact. If you are listening to the podcast, please do check the description. I always leave the link. Look for the Linktree link. All my socials are there. Do connect on LinkedIn. Do connect with Gabriella as well. And reach out, let us know what you think. We always love to hear from our listeners. So finally, I mean, you know, I can't believe we're up to, you know, to the wrap-up here. But last quick words before we wrap this up, Gabriella, anything you want to share? Where do we find you? What you would like to share with our listeners?

I would say you can have both. Uh, you can win at home and at work. You can if you're willing to commit. So that's my last message. And people can find me on LinkedIn, Gabriela Embon, or my website, gabrielaembon.com. And they can also download the prologue of the book, Becoming a Power Couple: 4 Pillars to Engineer the Legendary Marriage, and also find it on Amazon.

Definitely. We'll put the link in the description for, for our listeners and followers to find it. Everyone lead boldly, stay human, and turn every challenge into a gift. Thank you so much, Gabriella.

Thank you guys for having me.

Thank you. And see you all next week.